3/01/96
What's all this Fuhrer about Pat Buchanan?
Go, Pat, Go
Pat picked up an endorsement today...Bad Vlad Zhirinovsky!
Go, Pat, Go
Speculation in Washington: If Buchanan wins the presidency,
there's a chance blacks and women will retain the right to vote.
Go, Pat, Go
Pat got another endorsement....David Duke!
Go, Pat, Go
I liked Buchanan's 1992 speech at the Hatefest in Houston,
though some people prefer it in the original German.
Go, Pat, Go
Pat got another endorsement....Tim McVeigh!
Go, Pat, Go
Pat says he doesn't hate women, "I had two for lunch."
Go, Pat, Go
Pat held a fund raiser in Harlem.
It was $100 per person, $110 for extra crispy!
Go, Pat, Go
Pat got another endorsement...Richard Speck!
Go, Pat, Go
CNN says James Carville and Mary Matalin split, Bay Buchanan named.
Go, Pat, Go
The day after Pat won New Hampshire,
Clorox stock shot up 12 points.
Go, Pat, Go
Pat tells the GOP "Leggo my San Diego"
Go, Pat, Go
(Pat, New Hampshire 1992)
"It wasn't the liberals that did this to us,
it was King George and Little Danny!"
Go, Pat, Go
Bob Dole Orders Breakfast
Have you ever heard Bob Dole order breakfast?
It's a riot.
"Bob Dole wants the scrambled eggs!"
"Bob Dole doesn't like his eggs runny!"
"Bob Dole wants the toast. Can you butter the toast for Bob Dole?"
OLLIE NORTH A WOMAN?
Ollie North says Pat Schroeder shouldn't have an opinion
on women in combat, because she's too old to serve,
so she's "not qualified" to speak on that subject.
But Ollie North has an opinion on abortion.
He has LOTS of opinions on abortion, and they all involve
the federal government in your wife's pants.
By Ollie's rules, he either has a vagina, or he's a lying hippocrit*.
* Spelling of hypocrite in honor of Rush
GREAT QUOTES
"Two of my favorite things are sitting on my front porch
smoking a pipe of sweet hemp, and playing my Hohner harmonica."
Abraham Lincoln, 1855 (Me too, Abe)
Rush is Right, Webster is Lying
Let's check Webster's Deluxe Unabridged Dictionary
to see if Rush's definitions match Webster's.
Liberal: (a) not narrow-minded or bigoted; broad-minded,
favoring reform or progress, favoring political reforms
tending toward democracy and personal freedom for the individual,
Liberal: (n) one who advocates greater freedom of thought or action
(Gee, that's not what Rush has been saying....)
Conservative: (a) tending to preserve old traditions, adhering
to
the old or established, opposing or resisting change
(Tthat's not how Rush describes them...)
Feminist: a supporter of feminism
Feminism: the theory that women should have political, economic,
and social rights equal to men.
(Rush says feminists are women who "do a dance" when they
hear a woman has had an abortion.)
Top Ten Nicknames for Rush Limbaugh
10. His Lardship
9. The Choco-Nazi
8. Limba the Hutt
7. The Visionary of the late 1700's
6. Captain Bacon
5. El Grande Puerca
4. The Methane Factory
3. The Giver of Shade
2. Prince of Whales
and the Number One nickname for Rush Limbaugh...
Tales From the Cyst
(If you have a Rush Nickname, send it to us.)
Beltway Bob
If elected, Bob Dole would still be president at age 77.
That's older than Reagan was when he left.
I worry about Bob Dole having his finger on The Button.
Y'know, my Grandpa is 77,
and we don't let him handle the TV remote.
More Great Quotes
"Feminism encourages women to leave their husbands,
kill their children, practice witchcraft,
destroy capitalism and become lesbians."
Pat Robertson, 1992
ONE MORE TIME
Let me get this straight:
1. There's "no way" Fuhrman's goons helped him hide/plant evidence
in the OJ Simpson trial, but
The FBI and Park Service OBVIOUSLY conspired with the Clinton's
to murder Bill's childhood friend, Vince Foster?
2. Professor Hill was a lying, publicity-seeking tramp, but
Paula Jones, the virginal Penthouse Playtoy slept in a $2500 per
night suite the night she made her charges against the President,
who said "NO" to her blackmail of $400,000 and a Hollywood job.
(Quick! Name the last president that said "NO" to blackmail.
Hint: He's still married to Betty, and he never sold weapons
to Ayatollah Khomeini.)
3. The ATF got a hundred people to commit perjury about Waco,
but if the CIA swears they didn't spirit Bush to Paris for the
October Surprise in 1980, we should believe them?
Lee Atwater
Remember the Pit Bull from '88, Lee Atwater?
This guy played hardball.
He made Mary Matalin look like a lady.
Lee Atwater was a master of the personal slur.
Before he died, he called Micheal Dukakis and apologized
for being such a dirty, lousy, dishonest son-of-a-bitch.
I wonder if Rush will learn from Lee's mistakes and
make his calls before his heart clogs and he dies?
Rumor of the Week
Marta Limbaugh is having Clarence Thomas's baby in July.
Rush is looking foward to "a little Justice."
SYMBOLISM VS SUBSTANCE
Scenario: YOU are the Senior US Air Commander in Seoul.
North Korea rattles their nuclear saber, and prepares to launch
against Japan in less than 12 hours. Satellite photos confirm
it.
Clinton orders you to take out North Korea's Command center.
The problem?
You just found out that three of your best ten pilots are gay.
You must make a decision. Do you ground the gay pilots to
preserve the symbolism of an all-straight military?
Or do you want the substance of America's finest?
The stakes are enormous.
That facility must be taken out.
Millions of lives are in the balance.
What's your decision, Commander?
Do you want gays in the military?
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