I have a really cool RL-LNW logo that doesn't translate
when I transmit.
If everyone had the decoding software, I could send it as a JPG,
but I have a feeling only the men have that capability, ha ha.
Penny, I think about you often.
Why is Bill Clinton so popular?
How can be be 21 points ahead of old Bob Dole?
How can the dope-smoking, draft-dodging, skirt-chasing,
Marxist-Stalinist-Leninist be 21 points ahead of a war hero????
I see 5 possible explanations for this:
1. Bill Clinton is God.
I don't think this is the reason, but I can't rule it out.
2. The Democrats are God.
Again, I don't think this is the main reason.
3. America hates whichever party controls congress.
This is possible, but I still don't think it's the biggest reason.
4. America hates Bob Dole.
Of all the possibilities, I think this is the least likely.
5. America hates the McVeigh/Koresh Republicans.
Fucking BINGO!!!!!!!!!!!!
There's no other explanation. Oh, sure, they can whine about
how alllllll the media got together and conspired to lie to us
about the evil bastard Clinton, but only Fatboy's sheep buy it.
Clinton will win 1996 for no other reason that America
needs someone to keep an eye on the McVeigh Congress.
I received a single complaint,
from a VERY religious Rush dittohead,
that my language is unacceptable.
This is my reply:
This is not a children's newsletter.
This is a combination of silly satire and a semi-private
expression of serious political opinions. On some subjects,
I have very passionate opinions.
For example, last week a good friend of mine was attacked.
Her date overpowered her and she was helpless.
She's pressing charges, but she's got 4 major worries,
two of which I'll address here.
She has to worry for 2 weeks before a pregnancy test is effective.
She has to fucking PANIC for 6 months for an AIDS test.
How well would YOU, the reader, handle the stress of knowing
you might be dying because you picked the wrong date?
She might be looking at a death sentence.
..and then I think about a dirty bastard like Jesse Helms,
who says "people with AIDS deserve their fate."
...and I think about Reagan cutting funding for AIDS,
because the number of deaths was "acceptable."
...and I think about that piece-of-shit Jerry Falwell,
urging his idiot sheep to "hate the sin,"
a "sin" caused by God's "genetic shenanigans."
..and a stinking fuck like Limba who ridicules
AIDS victims week after week.
I wish there were stronger, more shocking words
I could use to explain my outrage.
When I think about the serious problems in the world,
my language isn't one of them.
He's a small man....
How unchivalrous of Limba on Thursday's show.
He blamed Marta for his "dogs-playing-poker" ties.
"She designed every one," he alledged.
Boy, after the divorce, when Marta writes her book,
I want an autographed copy.
As long as I'm using bad language, let me say a quick
"Fuck you" to Limba for all the Vince Foster jokes.
Foster's widow doesn't "get" the jokes BaconBoy's
been telling.
Poor Rush. He's only making $25,000,000 a year,
but maybe he can make $26,000,000 next year
if he slurs enough dead people.
When Turdboy has his heart attack,
I'm going to slur his fat-ass for 48 hours non-stop.
However, in a VERY un-Limba-like manner,
I will not slur his widow during the funeral.
I have an idea.....
Those GOP Freemen in Montana?
I know how to end their illegal holdout.
Tell them they have 24 hours to surrender or
Janet Reno will be put in charge of the operation.
What if God was one of us?
By now, you know how I feel about organized religion.
I will debate anyone, anywhere, anytime about the
hippocrisy (sic) of organized religion. Just to start off,
what's the difference between church and praying at home?
The collection plate!!
Heard the Joan Osborne song about the stranger on the bus?
Is there anyone in America who thinks the GOP,
or Jerry Falwell or the Coat-hanger Coalition gives a shit
about a stranger on the bus?
If organized religion gave a shit about the poor,
the old, the sick, people with AIDS, or people that
"didn't win the lottery" as the Fat Fuhrer calls them,
I might respect them. But noooooooooooooooo.
Oral Roberts built an empire that needed
$12,000,000 a month to BREAK EVEN!!
Speaking of Oral Roberts, has everyone seen
his healing-scam tapes?
It looks like a bad skit from Saturday Night Live.
In the 50's, Oral Roberts ran a dirty, crooked scheme,
going from town to town "curing" people. They're so
goddamn proud of it, they're RE-RUNNING the tapes
on some religious channel every night. Shirley, you'll
run into them if you do some TV channel-surfing.
Here's how it goes:
Oral the crooked con-man asks if anybody in the tent
has a bad disease or injury. An 80 year-old woman
stands up and says "I have a broken back."
What does Oral do?
He smacks the palm of his hand into her forehead,
screams "Jesus, HEAL this woman," and she
double-backflips her way out of camera range
only to re-appear the next night, in a different
town, with the same "broken back."
Excuse me while I vomit?
If Jesus was alive today, I'll bet He'd look like
an average stranger on the bus, trying to make
His way home. And He'd need Bill Clinton to
protect Him from the GOP.
Let me say something about Billy Graham.....
He got the Congressional Medal of Honor.
Maybe I'm naive, but Billy Graham might be
the most decent man in America. You know how
I feel about religious leaders, so that's a compliment.
Wanna know why?
Billy Graham builds up, he doesn't tear down.
Billy Graham doesn't stay up late, trying to figure
out how to screw decent, taxpaying Americans.
Billy Graham never accused Clinton of serial murder.
Billy Graham never accused Clinton of child-rape.
Billy Graham never accused Bill Clinton of making
$100,000,000 PER goddamn month selling cocaine.
Billy Graham is NOT a lying, nazi whore.
That means something to me.
Billy Graham, to my knowledge, doesn't screw
cheap tramps and pay for them with money stolen
from the sick and the old.
Billy Graham doesn't demand the deed to your
house, the way Oral the Tulsa crook does.
Billy Graham never blackmailed decent religious
people by saying "GET ME $20,000,000 OR
GOD'S GOING TO KILL ME."
Billy Graham doesn't run a million dollar fraud scheme.
Billy Graham doesn't have gold faucets in his mansion.
Billy Graham would rather climb up a tree a NOT
slur someone, which is the opposite of 98% of the
religious frauds that we see.
The difference between Billy Graham and that dirty
whore Falwell is bigger than the difference between
me and Micheal Jordan playing basketball.
Please, do me one favor.
Re-read the last 200 words and compare that
to YOUR religious panhandler.
I have soo little respect for organized religion,
but RL - LNW tips it's hat to Billy Graham.
His daughter
You want to hear something really sad?
I read an interview with Bob Dole's daughter.
She's about 40 or so, and her mother was the wife
Dole dumped like a bad cheeseburger.
This is really sad....
She said when she was growing up, she
didn't see much of Senator Straddle. She said
when she needed to talk to her dad about
something important, she had to write a
MEMO and give it to her dad's assistant.
By the way, "I'm NOT making this up."
"Mr. Family Values" never knew his daughter.
George Bush returned to Houston on his private jet.
Members of his staff met him at Hobby Airport.
He had a baby piglet under each arm.
Puzzled, a staffer said "Mr. Bush, what's with the pigs?"
Bush said "I got one for Jeb and I got one for George Jr."
The puzzled staffer said "Permission to speak frankly?"
"Yes, of course. What's on your mind?" Bush asked.
"You never were that good at trading, sir.
I'll bet you could've gotten two pigs for George Jr.
After all, he was governor."
It's odd, I'm on volume 16, and haven't had any challenges
on any positions I've taken. Am I that on-target?
What if Bosnia blew up, with dozens of US casualties.
What if North Korea invaded South Korea?
What if our surplus with Japan tripled?
What if the Soviet Union went back to Communism?
What if unemployment went to 20%?
What if inflation went to 18%?
You know what would happen?
Clinton's lead over Dole would be cut in half.
Rush spent Thursday asking if anyone knew of a Clinton
position that remained constant over the years.
As you'd expect, it was a typical Limba/ambush/slant job.
But it made me think "Compared to Who?"
All thru this campaign, ask yourself that EVERY time
the Republicans make a charge, "Compared to Who?"
Until this year, Dole was PRO-affirmative action.
Until this year, Dole was anti-term limits.
There's at least a dozen flips that Dole has flopped.
But you won't hear it from the "Turnpike of Truth."
Hey, Rush.
How did Dole get the name "Senator Straddle?"
At 73 years of age, Dole needs a few weeks
to decide his party's position on abortion?
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