"America does not.......
let it's needy citizens.......
fend for themselves, Stupid."
What a start for the Democrats!
I know, I know - "Greg Norman."
Keep working!
Don't stop.
Don't let up until Bob "Weepy" Dole conceeds.
Great Rush Quotes:
"Clinton is scheduled to visit my hometown in Missouri
the day after the convention. The "democratic machine"
(funny, the GOP can't afford a "machine") will see that
I'm booed unmercifully in my own hometown."
Rush, Cape Girardeau isn't 100% nazi!
Of COURSE you'll be booed by the majority,
as you are everywhere you go.
Remember the Pat Sajak Show, Rush?
Do you Rush backers think it's a coincidence that
Rush doesn't do personal appearances?
I have a quiz for you:
Who is the VERY famous Republican who admits being
naked in a room with a VERY famous serial killer?
The answer later in this issue...
Great Rush Quotes:
"I'd rather my kids smoke tobacco than pot."
In Earth's history, has anyone ever died from pot?
Can anyone name one instance?
Surely, there's a single instance,
but have you ever heard of one?
Yet, tobacco kills 450,000 people a year,
if Reagan's SG C. Everette Coop can be believed.
So, like many Republicans, Rush would rather his kids
die from a legal drug rather than get high illegally?
When will that attitude cease?
Remember when James Brady was a Republican?
Seems like a hundred years ago.
They claim they have a big tent,
but Jim and Sarah Brady can't get in.
Now, they call his wife a whore, because she thinks
fewer families should be destroyed the way her's was.
You should hear what Gordon (Headshots!) Liddy calls her.
Liddy's hate list:
1. Hillary Clinton
2. Sarah Brady
3. Bill Clinton
4. The ATF
5. The FBI
6. People who don't own guns
But he REALLY hates Sarah Brady,
more than Bill Clinton.
.and to think at one time, Jim Brady was so close
to Reagan, he was his spokesman.
Democrats would never treat one of their own that way.
Last Thursday, Rush spent 3 hours praising Clinton for
signing the GOP Welfare Reform Bill.
No, that's what Rush would've done
if he wasn't a lying whore.
Rush spent last Thursday railing against Clinton,
defending BIG Tobacco at ANY cost.
Rush, can you count?
Do numbers mean anything?
If 450,000 dead each year isn't enough to change your mind,
would 850,000 make a difference? Would 1,500,000 do it?
There's a rumor that when Hillary takes the mic,
she'll wander the convention floor a la Ms. Hairspray
and interview the ex-wives of big Republicans.
Wouldn't that be fun?
"Phyllis Dole, what did Bob say when he walked out?"
"Mrs. Gingrich, what reason did Snoot give for
refusing to send child support?"
"Mrs. Limba, knowing Rush had a history of dumping
wives, were you surprised when he dumped you?"
"Mr. Molinari, who rolled the tighter joint?
You, or Suzie Creamcheese?"
Here's another clue for you all:
-the most famous killer in American history.
You know somewhere,
Bob Dole is drunker than Cooter Brown.
Having sucked down the tequila of losing his fight
on the abortion plank, he's searching for that
refreshing wedge of lime that will offer relief.
But, he turns on his TV to see Christopher Reeve,
not only stealing his disability thunder,
but watching him do it with dignity.
Reeve spoke of his disability without begging
for pity, as Dole does again and again and again.
"More tequila," he shouts to Ms. Hairspray.
I liked Alma Brown's short speech.
One thing though, at one point during her speech,
she mentioned Ron's smile, and she laughed a little bit.
According to Rush, that was "proof" she didn't love him.
She was "only mugging for the cameras."
She must be one of those evil people, like Bill Clinton,
that can turn on that fake emotion at the drop of a hat.
I think making fun of President Clinton
at Ron Brown's funeral cost Limba his TV show.
I hereby call on all liberals and middle-roaders to
toast the loss of Lardbutt's television show.
Rush has a right to broadcast his nazi hate,
but if the free marketplace says he's gotta go.....
A toast!
Al Gore had a good line..
"Dole and Snoot, the two-headed monster."
The black policeman from Chicago was good. He said he'd
been shot 11 times, and still had three bullets in his body.
When the NRA referred to policemen as "jack-booted thugs,"
he said he took it personally. Very effective.
Whoa!
My buddy Bob Novak called the Chicago policeman's speech
"a bunch of schmaltz." Who said the GOP has no heart?
Here's another clue for you all:
-his last name begins with "H"
Hey, the highlight of the night had to be when
CSNY came out and played "Ohio."
All those years ago, the Republicans were so goddamn proud
when Nixon and Reagan and Ohio's Governor called out the
National Guard to beat and shoot students for wanting
Vietnam to end, but when serial-rapist Vern Koresh or
sawed-off shotgun salesman Randy Weaver broke the law,
the Republicans HATE the cops for trying to arrest them.
They fucking HATE them!
Did the Ohio National Guard give the unarmed students
55 days to surrender?
No, they shot their unarmed asses as they stood there.
Why are the lives of Vern the rapist and sawed-off Randy
worth MORE than the lives of non-violent students?
Am I the only sane man in America?
Rush is doing commercials for Select-Comfort mattresses.
He says you can adjust the softness with a button.
It works out perfect for Rush, because Marta likes it soft,
but Bob Dornan and Clarence "Slappy" Thomas like it hard.
Real hard.
Young Al Gore grew up on a farm in Tennessee.
Young Al learned a lot of lessons early.
One day, he had just finished milking the cows.
As he was hurrying to finish, he spilled some milk.
He knew he could get more, so he wasn't upset.
The moral of the story?
Don't cry over spilled milk.
One day, Al had just finished gathering eggs.
Walking towards the house, he tripped and dropped
the basket, breaking all the eggs.
The moral of the story?
Don't put all your eggs in one basket.
Years later, an older and wiser Al Gore was in Vietnam.
He was trapped in a foxhole with a pint of whiskey,
six bullets left in his gun and a hunting knife.
Bullets flew inches above his head.
He thought he might die in the next few minutes.
Instead of losing his head, he reflected on the lessons
he'd learned so far in his life.
He drank the whiskey, shot six enemy soldiers,
and used his knife to kill another dozen.
The moral of the story?
Don't fuck with Al when he's drinking whiskey.
Let's try something:
I want you to think of the stupidest thing Clinton
has ever said. Think of the dumbest, most clumsy lie
you think you've ever heard from Bill Clinton.
OK, let's put that in Box "A."
Now, I'm going to pick the contents of Box "B."
Do you have your box ready?
You know what's in Box A, you picked it.
Here's what's in Box B:
Bob Dole said:
1. I'll cut taxes BIG time.
2. I'll finance the closing of our border with Mexico.
3. I'll raise defense spending to an "acceptable" level.
4. I'll finance the multi-trillion dollar Star Wars.
5. I'll do this AND not touch Medicare, Medicaid,
Education, Veterans benefits or Social Security.
6. And, swear to Koresh with a straight face,
I'm also going to balance the budget.
OK, I've shown you what's in Box B.
Compare Boxes A and B.
Show me something in Box A that's a bigger lie.
Oh, the famous Republican that got nekkid
with the VERY famous serial killer?
Jack Hemp took showers with OJ in Buffalo.
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Email the Author: Bartcop He's laughing at you!
