You're One Out of Forty, Stupid
Issue #61

Last week, Rush read this guy's column on his show.
As always, Rush dittoed every slur.
Here's a fairer look at the column.

BARTCOP ANSWERS THE BOSTON GLOBE'S JEFF JACOBY

Four more years?
Here are 40 reasons to say no
By Jeff Jacoby, Globe Columnist, 09/12/96

Bill and Hillary Clinton want to extend their grip on the Executive Branch for four more years.
I can give you 40 reasons to turn them down.  In no particular order:

1. Joycelyn Elders.

Yes, she's black.
The GOP hates her.
What else is new?
 

2. According to the General Accounting Office, ethics probes
of the Clintons cost taxpayers $1 million per month.

I agree.
This is a fucking outrage.
Until somebody finds a shred of proof, someone should tell Gingrich to knock it off.
 

3. Eighty-six men, women, and children died in Waco.

True.
When right-wing, religio-wacko gun-nuts are hell-bent on raping and killing their kids,
very little can be done to stop them.
 

4. "100,000 more police on the streets." Seen them yet?

They're not all in the same place at the same time, stupid.
There were 2,000,000 crimes committed last year.
Did you witness each one?
 

5. "A tax cut for the middle class." Seen it yet?

My taxes went down.
What about Reagan's balanced budget?
Seen it yet?
 

6. Clinton went on national television and answered questions about his underwear.

....and..?
 

7. "We're going to end welfare as we know it."
    The president vetoed two welfare-reform bills.

The president vetoed two Gingrich welfare bills, the "fuck-em, put-'em-in-orphanages" Republican.
 

8. His pet scheme - AmeriCorps - pays college-age "volunteers" more than $7 an hour.

...and...?
 

9. Webster Hubbell.

To this day, there has not been a single member of Clinton's cabinet accused of a crime in office.

Can Bush say that?
Can Reagan say that?
Can Ford say that?
Can Nixon say that?
 

10. "Clinton's an unusually good liar. Unusually good."
               - Sen. Bob Kerrey

Butch, Reagan and Nixon were particularly clumsy liars.
   - BartCop
 

11. The candidate: "Bush played racial politics with Haiti.
 I wouldn't ship those poor people back."
The president: "Returning those who fled Haiti by boat will continue.
Those who do leave Haiti will be returned."

This sounds legit on the surface, but...
When Haiti learned the Statue of Liberty meant something again, they took to the high seas on wooden doors,
searching for freedom, causing hundreds of deaths. To save their lives, they were picked up and returned.
 

12. His "Cabinet that looks like America" contained 14 lawyers and 10 millionaires.

Eat me.
Everybody knows he meant he'd appoint blacks and women to important posts, something the GOP won't do.
Just because the GOP is made up of failed actors, failed Love Boat pursers, failed singers and men who have
run out on their wives, there's no good reason why they can't pass the bar exam.
 

13. Hillary's health care reform would have created 33 new federal agencies and 200 regional alliances,
added $70 billion to the federal budget deficit - and taken away your right to choose your own doctor.

Jesus, the shit is getting deep.
Clinton is the ONLY president to lower the deficit, so screw YOUR assertion the deficit would rise.
Health Care is the single-biggest reason (besides Reagan) that we're $5,000,000,000,000 in debt.

Clinton tried to fix that, but the reactionary right screamed, "But that's 1/7 of our economy!!!"

Yeah, it's just like the GOP to say "That problem's too big to try to fix."

And that crap about losing the right to pick my own doctor?   I can't do that now.
Every single insurance program has a list of doctors from which to choose.
I can't fly to the Mayo Clinic and have Michael Debakey help me with a hangnail and expect
my insurance carrier to pay for it.  It doesn't work that way - it never did.

And I must remind you what G. Gordon Liddy said to scare the white-power freaks:
"If Hillary's program goes through, unqualified black men will be doing surgery on your kids."

Willie Horton with a scalpel?
Coming towards MY daughter?
Gee, that's almost like a scare tactic.
 

14. Terrorists at the White House I: Yasser Arafat.

It's called a PEACE AGREEMENT, asshole.

Who do you THINK Clinton should bring together to get peace in the Middle East?
Madonna and Joey Buttafucco?
 

15. Terrorists at the White House II: Gerry Adams.

It's called a PEACE agreement, shit-for-brains.
See #14.
When did a GOP president ever try for a peace accord?
 

16. Bush was right: Clinton turned the White House into the waffle house.

Of all the people in America, I'd think Mr. "Read-My-Lips, I'm-not-lying," Herbert Bush
would be the LAST person to mention the word "waffle."

Besides, Clinton kicked his sorry, discredited ass.
We expect sour grapes from a man who sold weapons to terrorists, then lied about it,
then had to pardon his co-conspirators to keep the truth hidden forever.
 

17. The candidate: "Butch hasn't fought crime and drugs. I will."
The president: Slashed the Office of Drug Policy;

There you go again:   Accusing Clinton of being unwilling to throw tax money at
worthless social programs.What WILL it take for you to make up your goddamn mind?
 

18. First priority of his first week in office: gays in the military.

BULL SHIT!!
There were gays in the military before Clinton was ever born.
He just wanted to bring a little honesty to the program.

Turn that around:
What's the first thing SNOOT did when he took power?
He went after the school lunch program, the heartless bastard.
 

19. Hiked the tax on gasoline to its highest rate ever.

That whopping 3 cents helped pay for the REAGAN error.
Besides, Dole added FIVE cents TWICE.
That's a dime.
What's bigger, Mr. Jacoby?
Three cents or a dime?
 

20. Shut down two of the four runways at LA Airport for a hair cut.

This was reported, but it never happened.
Never fucking happened, but the American whore press will still claim it did.
The LA airport says there wasn't one single delayed plane.
The retraction never gets the ink of the accusation.
Just ask Hillary.
 

21. Cristophe's going rate: $200 per haircut.

Mister, you could suck the chrome off a Dornan.
Reagan took a $6,000,000 bribe from the Japanese, so let Clinton have his goddamn haircut, OK?
 

22. George Stephanopoulos' explanation:  "The president has to get his hair cut."

THIS is why we should vote for a doddering, old fool?
Because Clinton gets his hair cut?
 

23. Average per-capita federal tax burden,
      1992: $4,153.
      1996: $5,225.
      Increase: 25.8 percent.

Objection!
Assumes facts not in evidence.

Hey, bunghole!
What would our taxes be today if Reagan & Bush
hadn't spent $4 trillion more than they collected?
 

24. Craig Livingstone.

Ok, that's one reason.
 

25. Clinton calls the Defense of Marriage Act "gay baiting, pure and simple" - and promises to sign it.

A defensive measure, to protect gays.
If that issue cost Clinton the election, you KNOW craggy, old Dole will sign every bill
that Ralph Reed tells him to sign. Dole was once a brave man but now he's a spineless weenie
who takes orders from the Coathanger Coalition.  THAT'S scary.

26. Midnight basketball: Your federal tax dollars at work.

President Bush (I know, no credibility) said:
"Midnight basketball is about families. It's about neighborhoods.It's about community."
(Go ahead, Bush - say it. It's about a village.)
 

27. Hillary's chats with Eleanor Roosevelt.

Hey, Jacoby, do you "chat" with a deity?
If that's not a sign of insanity, show me what is.
 

28. Clinton's 96 budget has $200-billion-plus deficits for the next seven years.

...and...?
 

29. "North Korea cannot be allowed to develop a nuclear bomb"
           - Clinton administration, November 1993.
      "North Korea has two nuclear bombs and is developing more."
           - Clinton administration, April 1994.

Excuse me, but can you be a little more vague about the people you're quoting?
 

30. Sent Jimmy Carter to cut a deal with the North Koreans:  We agreed to give Pyongyang free oil,
two free nuclear reactors, diplomatic ties, and increased trade - and Pyongyang agreed to dismantle
its bomb-making facilities in 10 years.

You were hoping for a nuclear war that cost thousands of American lives and would certainly destroy Japan?
What do you have against the Japanese, Mr. Jacoby?
 

31. The Clinton tax increase on Social Security recipients hit 5.5 million retirees.

What bloody rot.
If Clinton hurt the elderly so much, why didn't SNOOT
"Savior of Old People" Gingrich run against him?
 

32. At the first sign of controversy, he walked away from Zoe Baird.

Eat me.
Had he moved any other way, idiot sheep like Jacoby would
accuse Clinton of packing his cabinet with law breakers.
 

33. And from Kimba Wood.

Eat me.
See # 32
 

34. And from Lani Guinier.

You're STILL hungry?
 

35. He chose to celebrate the 50th anniversary of V-E Day in Moscow
     - Berlin's ally in invading Poland and starting World War II.

...and...?

The Prince of Whales celebrated his honeymoon at Bloody Omaha Beach.
Were you trying to make a point?

(A 2002 note: Reagan laid a wreath for the SS soldiers at Bitburg.

  This Jacoby certainly has selective outrage, doesn't he?)
 

36. "Arkansas troopers said they concealed Clinton's affairs."

How many books would they sell if they said he works hard and really loves his wife?

"They say they often drove Clinton to meetings with women."

The chauffer's job is to drive the car, stupid.

"We had to lie for Clinton."

So, the admitted liar has a story for sale?
...and can get HOW MUCH for that story?

How interesting...
 

37. Hazel O'Leary.

...and...?
If this is a wasteful travel issue, could John Sununu to explain it to us?
 

38. Key Clinton adviser on family values: Dick Morris.

I forget:
Is Dick Morris the guy who advertised for group sex?
"Please 'f***' my wife, she likes it hard and deep!"
Sorry, no, that was Bob Dole's senior assistant, Dick Stone.
 

39. The candidate: "We should not reward China with MFN status.
The president: "I am delinking human rights from MFN status."

This son-of-a-bitch wants a nuclear war with Korea so bad he can TASTE it.
You know, Mr. Jacoby, sometimes things change. If you say "There's no need to isolate Cuba,"
and then Cuba shoots down two unarmed planes, isolating Cuba is not considered a waffle.

Reversing a 35-year economic position is a waffle.
(Technically, it's a straddle, but I'll call it a waffle for the purpose of educating hate-boy, here.)
 

40. Clinton argued in court that Paula Jones' sexual harassment lawsuit should be
postponed until he leaves office because he is on "active duty" as commander in chief.

Clinton did no such thing.
Mr. Jacoby, are you even in the same time zone as the truth?
Clinton's ATTORNEY listed that possible option in a 40-page brief to the court.

The REAL outrage is that a cheap whore can blackmail the president with an
impossible-to-substantiate claim and get away with it because the press got a hardon.

If I say I saw Rush sodomize Clarence "Slappy" Thomas, should we hold a trial?
Should it be be televised?  And if they try to avoid that trial, is that "further proof" of their guilt?

That mirror's kind of ugly, isn't it Mr. Jacoby?
 

There.
Forty reasons to turn out the Clintons.

Where?
I saw one about the Rush weigh-alike, Craig Livingstone.
 

Did I omit your favorite grounds for chanting "No More Years"?

No, what you omitted was any linkage to the truth.
 

Just send them to me in care of The Boston Globe  jacoby@globe.com
I'll supply another Top 40 list before the election.

Yeah, DO that, Mr. Jacoby.

I'll send you my 40 reasons why Clinton is the best president of the 20th Century
while Don Henley's playing "Dirty Laundry" at Clinton's second Inaugural Ball.

ha ha
(This prediction turned out to be true, right?
 Didn't Henley sing Dirty Laundry on Jan 20, 1997?)
 

And, of course, Mr. Jacoby, you realize the majority of Americans disagree with you.
You're in the minority on this.
You're on the outside looking in.
You're out of the mainstream.
But then again, if you told the truth, your book would put everyone to sleep.

By the way, Mr. Jacoby. You forgot to mention the $100,000 Clinton made each month selling cocaine.
You forgot the bundles of hundred-dollar bills sent to him daily by Don Tyson.
You forgot the 41 people he murdered in Arkansas. You forgot about Hillary using state convicts
to mow the lawn of the Governor's mansion which, of course, prompted The Great Lawngate Scandal.

And you forgot the dozens of teen virgins that Bill Clinton raped on the dining room table at the Governor's mansion.

Mr. Jacoby, you're not very good at this, are you?

Email: Bartcop

Note: Jacoby stayed hungry, a mere four issues later, he asked for more

Click  Here  for 40 more!