The Dole campaign just announced that Bob Dole will
accept baby-sitting jobs starting January 2, 1997.
What's this about Liddy Dole getting drunk and hitting
Bill Murray's limo when they both did Good Morning America?
I thought she whipped her alcohol problem!
It's a shame when someone falls off the wagon.
Alcohol is a very powerful drug.
Gutter bum .... or super-elite Bag o' Hairspray.
Alcohol does NOT discriminate!!
They say there was minimal damage,
and Liddy's insurance was expected to cover costs.
Mayor Guiliani quashed the DWI warrant, as a political
payoff to Bob Dole for .... Hell, I don't know.
Did Dole ever do anything for New York City?
Bobby Cox, manager for the Atlanta Braves, is very cool.
After his team lost the World Series, he said:
"I tip my hat to Joe Torre, Manager of the Yankees.
If we had to lose to somebody, I'm glad it was him.
We got beat by a better team," he said.
Then, he said,
"I'M NOT GOING TO BLAME THE WEATHER - OR THE UMPIRES,
OR ANYTHING. THEY BEAT US AND I CONGRADULATE THEM."
Notice how different he is from crybaby Bob Dole.
WAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!! We were cheated!
WAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!! The media likes Clinton better!
WAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!! It's not fair!
WAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!! We should've won, for Merica!
Bob, you're 73. Grow the hell up!
--
One other World Series note....
Yankee Coach Joe Torre had one hell of a week.
His brother, also a Yankee coach, was in the hospital
getting a used heart to replace his own.
He got a heart between games 4 and 5.
Doctors say his chances for recovery are "excellent."
Here's the fun part:
As the final fly ball was falling to Earth,
Don Zimmer, the old, fat and really ugly batting coach for
the Yankees grabbed the equally ugly Joe Torre around the
neck and kissed his cheek until the ball fell into the
fielder's glove, sealing the first Yankee World Series
win in 18 years or so.
But, Zimmer didn't let him go for a few seconds.
He kissed him for maybe ten or fifteen seconds.
A lifetime of work crystalizing into a single second.
The Yankees finally won another World Series.
And NO, Ralph Reed,
there's no reason for you to hurry to New York
to "save" America from the "baseball homosexuals!"
Why don't you go "help" a Republican somewhere.
Great Dole Quotes
"It's God's will what happens November 5th."
Trouble, Bob.
God is a socialist.
He did it again.
Last Monday, Rush said some reports say Bob Dole took a
young woman to an abortion clinic in Kansas City in 1970
and PAID for her abortion, possibly with taxpayer funds.
IF YOU HEARD THE SHOW, YOU KNOW HE SAID IT!
Friday, Rush said the New York papers told the tale of
a woman who had a four-year "banger" with Bob Dole
while he was stabbing his first wife in the back,
the one he promised to love "until death do we part."
Bob Dole - Muscle from Russell
Why is Rush doing this to Bob Dole?
Is this a trick to push Kemp for 2000?
Or is Rush, as I suspect, a Clinton plant?
Wacky Dole Quotes
"Where's the outrage?"
--Visalia, California, (for some damn reason)
Hey, Bob! The outrage is at the RNC.
Guess who they're mad at, Bob?
America is HAPPY!
We have peace and prosperity, Bob.
Hey, Bob!
Name for me the LAST Republican president who
gave us 4 straight years of peace and prosperity.
Go ahead.
We'll wait.
Bob...
Bob...
The big miracle of this election is that
Bob Dole was able to pull within twenty!
Poor Bob Dole
He trips more often than Rob Petrie.
Poor Bob
This, from Saturday:
"There's lots of LANGS you can learn.
Learn as many LANGS as you want, but English is best!
You should learn English, English, English!!
It's the best. It's the best!"
Reporter: Why did the chicken cross the road?
Clinton: Thank you for asking that very important question.
I believe the chicken crossed the road to join
with other Americans to move this great country
forward with the determination to realize the
unlimited potential of our future together.
Reporter: Why did the chicken cross the road?
Bob Dole: The chicken crossed the road to get away from
the liberals, the liberals, the liberals!!!
The liberal democrats and their ilk and cronies
will stomp out the Merican Dream and ruin Merica
for our children! Our children! Our children!
WAKE UP, Merica! WAKE UP! WAKE UP!
Geez, I like the first guy better.
What's that law about a president serving only two terms?
How do we repeal that?
Great GOP Quotes
"Bob Dole couldn't start a fire at a gas station
if he had a truckload of matches."
--Bill Bennett - Better Than You.
Fun Rush Quotes
"I'm Rush Limba, a man you can trust in a Motel 6
with your wife or your daughter."
That MAY be true, but..
Can you be trusted at the Four Seasons Washington with
a Supreme Court Judge and a Congressman from California?
WAKE THE KIDS!
Speaking of unqualified Supreme Court judges,
for a limited time, you can get a "Slappy's Candy Keeper"
for the kids at participating Taco Bells!!
Go to Taco Bell and get a commemorative toy that
celebrates the history of the Republican Party's
Affirmative Action program for the Judiciary!
Sorry, only one "Slappy's Candy Keeper" per family.
Last Issue, we reported if you punch "Rush Limbaugh Ethics"
in Yahoo''s search engine, you get ZERO matches.
Ha Ha Ha
As Koresh as my witness, (try this, trust me)
if you punch in "Rush Limbaugh Lying Nazi Whore,"
in Alta Vista's search, using www AND usenet,
you get 50,000+ matches.
I am NOT making this up!
Ha Ha Ha
I am NOT making this up!
Put me on hold an try it.
Go ahead, do it....
..(the Jeopardy Song...)
SEE???
Rush Limbaugh Ethics = Zero
Rush Limba Lying Nazi Whore = 50,000 Examples!!
Life is Good.
Great Rush Quotes
"All I care about is being accurate and truthful."
What a joke.
Rush slings enough mud every day to
drown the average village in Bangladesh.
Caller to C-Span:
"The Republicans spent $30,000,000.00 of OUR MONEY,
chasing after Whitewater ghosts and Vince Foster,
and never got a single indictment against anyone.
I could convict Billy Graham for rape for less money."
C-Span Lady: "Thank you for your call, Sir."
Looks like Bob Dole is staying with government service.
Clinton has agreed to appoint him Ambassador
to the Republicans Without a Goddamn Clue.
MAILBAG
Still nothing.
Poor Bob
They say he has a "December Surprise" for Clinton.
Bob, you NUT!!!!
You lit a 40-day fuse on the BIG bomb, Bob?
The election is in SEVEN DAYS!!!!
"If Bob Dole is campaigning in Texas in October,
the Republicans will be in DEEP trouble."
--George Butch, JR - Texas Governor
April 4, 1996
"We're fucked."
--George Butch, JR - Texas Governor
October 24, 1996
DAN QUAYLE - Stand Up Comedian
Paul Harvey is now wearing Levi 501 jeans
for doing chores around the ranch.
Is it the stylish look? The price?
Is it that snug fit? Is that why he wears 501's?
Nope.
The 501 fly has buttons.
His horses caught onto the sound of a zipper.
Your Editor has ALWAYS been nothing-but-honest.
I'm aware of the news.
I read the papers.
I watch Crossfire, McLaughlin, Brinkley, etc.
I soak up every drop I can.
But.... honesty forces me to admit,
there comes a time when doing the right thing
needs to take precedent over party loyalty.
After all this, I've lost some faith in Clinton.
No matter how Clinton ends up, I'm a Democrat.
If Clinton goes to jail, it doesn't hurt our IDEAS!
The message is BIGGER than the messenger!
I was willing to put up with Clinton in Whitewater.
I was willing to overlook Travelgate.
I was even willing to look past FBI Filegate.
I lied to myself about allllll the scandals....
But, when I heard that the FBI changed the Ruby Ridge records
to hide the FACT that they were covering up orders from
"higher-ups" to "GIT" Randy Weaver, I drew the line.
Bill Clinton must be the most unprincipled...
the most anti-Constitutional,
the most evil...
What?
This didn't happen under Clinton?
Butch?
Really??
George Butch?
You mean George Butch was the one they covered up for?
Does G. Gordon Liddy know about this?
Really?
George Butch sent the FBI to murder Randy Weaver's wife?
George Butch gave the order to murder Mrs. Weaver while
she held in her hands nothing more lethal than her baby?
Well, then, let's arrest Butch and put him in JAIL!!!
I can't stand jack-booted thugs!
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Email the Author: Bartcop He's laughing at you!
