Sharon Stone said ...
Issue #76

Sharon Stone said if Bill Clinton was single, she would be on him "like white on rice."

Clinton said "I can't WAIT for my divorce."

Hillary called Sharon and said "He's minute rice."

Wednesday, Rush was angry that someone suggested
the day after Thanksgiving should be "no shopping" day.
Rush was so mad, he said he'd like to form a group called
"The Leave Us Alone Coalition," to combat "meddlers."

Hey, Feedbag!
Will your "Leave Us Alone" charter protect:

1. Pregnant women with Right-To-Life Congressmen?

2. People who like to smoke weeds in their home?

3. People who enjoy movies with nudity and sex?

4. People who want Ralph Reed to STOP trying to force
   HIS prayers on our schoolchildren?

5. People who want to burn the flag?

6. People who want to buy liquor on Sunday?

7. People who might be gay?

Bill Bennett, (better than you) says the GOP has a candidate in mind for the 2000 election:

Bob Dole's Bag-o-Hairspray wife!

She can't do any worse than 1992 and 1996...

Take a moment, if you will, and feel sorry for Limba.
He's always so sad around this time of year.
You see, Thanksgiving weighs heavy on his heart.

Back in the late 80's, Rush had a two-year affair
with a turkey baster. Feel his pain.

He gave it to Dornan in 1990, and now Dornan CLAIMS he can't find it.

This Just In...

I'm fed up with Clinton's arrogance and deceit!

CNN reports that major contributors to the Democratic Party
have been invited to Bill Clinton's Inaugural!!!!

This is an OUTRAGE!!
This must be investigated!
Is America's Inaugural "For Sale?"

We need a special prosecutor to see if this is legal!
Is Clinton really "selling" tickets to his Inaugural?

Why aren't his harshest critics invited?
Obviously, there's a quid pro quo here.

"Help me win - enjoy my victory?"

Not in MY America, Mister!!!

Great GOP Quotes

"Congress should consider decriminalizing possession of marijuana....
 We should concentrate on prosecuting the rapists and burglars who are a menace to society."
- U.S. Rep. Dan Quayle, March 1977

 
 Danny, the only person who gets smarter after getting high.

Everybody'd like to slap Kennedy, the Fascist VJ on MTV, right?

Have you seen her "candid" photos?
They're not sexy or anything, but they were taken while she
changed underwear in a tent at Woodstock 1994.
Can you say "looks really fat naked?"

She's REALLY pissed the pictures are out on the WWW.

---

Speaking of naked, embarrassed Republicans....

Remember right after Dick Morris was caught?
Dole started whining and whining about
"You can take the measure of a man by the company he keeps."

Then, Dole's aide Dick Stone had to resign because he
was caught running a classified ad requesting group sex?

I have the ad, with photos.

If you have decoding software, and give a shit, e-mail me and you'll get it.

Another BartCop exclusive.

Does Fred Barnes own stallions?

On McLaughlin, he said
"When Clinton was giving his speech in Australia, all he
  was thinking about was playing golf with Greg Norman."

How could Barnes know what Clinton was thinking?
Did he ask Paul Harvey?

Watch your ass, Freddie!
Don't make me do a special on you...

---

Also, you gotta admit Clinton has the best sense of humor
of any of the last dozen presidents.

An Australian reporter asked Greg Norman and Clinton
how their golf game was going.  Norman said "He's beating me."

Clinton said "If you believe that, I've got some land I'd like to sell you!!!!!"

That's a true story, Kay.

It takes balls to say that while Starr is offering felons their freedom
if they lie about the best president most Americans have seen.

BartCop vs. Liddy

In the last couple of years, I've had the pleasure of
battling G. Gordon Liddy via fax machine.
At least Liddy is man enough to debate, whereas
Captain Cholesterol doesn't have the courage.

This first installment is something I wrote to see
if he'd dare to read it. He did, and he got a little pissed.

"This next fax is from BartCop in Oklahoma.

Dear Mr. Liddy,
I've heard a rumor about you.
They say when you were in prison, you were made to
"scoot the pooch" for a cellmate named Eddie. Say it isn't so, Mr. Liddy."

"Well," he replied, "While in prison, I was NOT made to
"scoot the pooch" for a man named Eddie, nor did I engage
in any homosexual activity of any kind, whatsoever.
Repeating such a rumor is not only actionable, (I love that)
but it is also not good for one's physical well-being."

Whoa!
The G-Man out to kick BartCop's ass?
I gotta give him credit for reading and answering, tho.

Next issue,
Liddy takes the BartCop quiz!

How cheap is Rush?
They say he wouldn't leave a tip at a circumcision.

That gay-hating hot line, 1-800-774-7989 is whining about
the decent Americans flooding them with complaints,
tying up their lines, causing them lots of trouble.

Obviously, this is due to YOU people, doing the right thing.
RL-LNW has become increasingly influential, and if we can use
our influence to clog the agenda of those who hate,
well...good for us, goddammit!

Do yourself a favor - and score points with God.
Call that number again and again and ask that bitch why she
took a job that denies civil rights to law-abiding Americans.
If the operators get enough abuse, they'll get new jobs!!
Besides, it's a FREE call...
and God will be pleased.

"To cease smoking is the easiest thing I've ever done.
 I can tell, because I've done it a thousand times."
--Mark Twain
 

Which makes me wonder:

Can a candidate win the Presidency while taking money from BIG tobacco?

Rush Limba, the 8th Continent, thinks so.

Der Uber Porker said he was "spammed."
(The irony drips..)

He said "some kids" signed him up for a bunch of gay
e-mail, plus a bunch of whips and leather literature,
"and they even signed me up with some man-boy clubs."

Call me a Doubting BartCop, but it sounds like a defensive
measure, as though the truth was about to hit the papers.

Remember what Rush said in the BartCop interview,
that he'd had sex with less than 600 strange boys.

When Marta divorces him, and tells her story to Redbook,
remember who called it.

MAILBAG

From: agonis@netvision.net.il (Brent)

Subject: Re: RL-LNW Volume 69

Pleaese remove me from this shit-filled list.

Riiinnnnggggg!!!!

Snerdly: Rush Limba Program - What's your topic?

Voice: Bo, I need to speak with Rush.

Snerdly: Not so fast, buddy. What's your topic?

Voice: Bo, I am God, calling for Rush Limba.

Snerdly: Oh, right. You're God... and I'm Jane Fonda.

Voice: It is I, Bo Snerdly. How can I convince you?

Snerdly: OK, how about a test? Who was my sixth grade teacher?

Voice: Sister Mary Mutilate - She caught you masturbating
with that National Geographic in the coat room.
You were thinking about Susie Thomas, you were...

Snerdly: Oh, Jesus!
Uh..excuse me, but Oh, Christ..
I...mean... I'm so sorry...

Voice: You're forgiven, my son. May I speak to Rush?

Snerdly: Yes Sir, but I'm supposed to tell him your topic.

Voice: My topic is Abusing Talent on Loan from God.

The Clever Wit of Bob Dornan

"You are a slimy coward.
  Go register in another party."
 -- just before coughing up a furball

Tales From The Cyst

Rush says Hillary shouldn't have ANYTHING to do with fixing
Welfare "because she only got famous because of her husband."

As always, BartCop asks "Compared to Whom?"

Would Pat Nixon be in the history books if her husband didn't
commit so many crimes that he had to resign in disgrace?

Nancy Reagan was giving knobbers to B-grade actors when she met The Forgetful One.
Some say they wouldn't even have gotten married if she wasn't pregnant.

Barbara Butch, a nice lady, but no brain surgeon.
What did she ever do besides bake cookies for the NRA?

Then along comes Hillary Clinton, a powerful attorney who even impressed the Texas
knuckle-dragger, Dick Armey. And, adding gas to the fire, Hillary is better looking
than any Republican first lady of the 20th Century.

Slurboy can't understand that every time he goes after Hillary for "having the NERVE
to be smart," he drives more and more women away from the Republican Party.

DAN QUAYLE - Stand Up Comedian

I really need to stop my heavy drinking.
I just had a close call.
Last week, I got so drunk, I don't remember anything.

When I woke up the next day, I had remnants of two rings on my penis.
One ring was red - the other ring was brown. I was a-scared, so I went  to see my doctor.
He saw the two rings and scraped a little bit off each to have something to send to the lab.

When the results came back, my doctor told me "I have good news and bad news, Dan.
The good news first - the red ring is lipstick.
The bad news? The brown ring is Skoal.

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