Limba the Hutt
Issue #86

Rush Limba - Lying Nazi Whore

Great GOP Quotes

"I used to think they were OK,
until I learned they were pot smokers."

-- Sen. Jeff Sessions, R-Ala on the Ku Klux Klan

To: BartCop

From: Senator@dpm.senate.gov

Subject: Re: RL-LNW Volume 85

Dear BartCop:

Thank you for another work of art.

I've been in Washington for many years, and I must say
nobody capsulizes the quirks of the right like you.
I look forward to reading your comedic publication,
after a long day that seems to never end.

Due to resource limitations, I am unable to promise
you a personal tour during your upcoming trip to New York.
However, my staff can provide a framework for you.

When you arrive in New York, call 212-661-5150.
We'll take care of you. If Mrs. BartCop isn't with you,
we can provide a suitable escort for your time here.

Thank you again for contacting my office.
We really love "Poker at Al's."

Sincerely,

Daniel Patrick Moynihan

United States Senator

MIAMI -- The son of Jeane Kirkpatrick was charged with
aggravated battery after choking his pregnant girlfriend
as she tried to escape from his car.

John Kirkpatrick, 38, and 20-year-old Yazmin Cantera,
who manages his law firm, say police simply misunderstood.
Kirkpatrick said he loves Ms. Cantera, who is 12 weeks pregnant,
and will marry her after his divorce from his second wife, Angela.

(Is there any doubt this guy is GOP?)

From: porgygirl@fiber-net.com (Richard L. Alger)

Subject: Re: RL-LNW Volume 85

There are none so blind as those that WILL not see!

(I LOVE a post with numbers!)

1. We have endorsed perversion and called it alternate lifestyle.

Reagan, Schaffly, Gingrich, Bono etc have ALL raised "perverts."

Maybe you should be on the "genetics" side of this fight?

2. We have exploited the poor and called it Lottery.

The National Federal Lottery? I missed that.

3. We have neglected the needy and called it self-preservation.

Wait. I thought you were angry that we gave them TOO MUCH money.

4. We have rewarded laziness and called it welfare.

If your side wants to kill programs that help the poor,
why do you get mad when we call it a cut?

5. We have killed our unborn, and called it choice.

The Supreme Court says you're insane.

6. We have killed abortionists and called it self-defense, in the name of right to life.

No, YOUR side kills the Clinic workers.

7. We have neglected to discipline our children and called it building esteem.

Beating children is wrong.
Ralph Reed belongs in fucking prison.

8. We have abused power and called it political savvy or SNAFU.

Objection. Assuming facts not in evidence.
Plus, it's bullshit.

9. We have tackled the illegal drug problem and called it tobacco.

Tobacco kills 400,000 per year. Pot kills zero.
Where is the logic of watching 400,000 people die "legally,"
but putting healthy pot smokers in cages?

10. We have coveted our neighbors' possessions and called it taxes.

Sorry, the bridge was needed, the hospital needed funding,
the cops need a raise and the military needs an upgrade.

If some Pollyanna told you that you can live with security and have nice roads,
no crime, dependable trash pickup and fast ambulance service, without paying any taxes,
tell them BartCop says "Eat me." You'll be doing all three of us a favor.

11. We have polluted the air with profanity and pornography and called it freedom of expression.

When will Republicans get over their fear of nudity? Funny, Sharon Stone naked on
the big screen is "harmful," but Arnold killing 28 cops in Terminator was cool.

12. We have ridiculed the time honored values of our forefathers and called it enlightenment.

No, we ridicule the long-discredited bigotry of the past. We can't blame Washington
and Jefferson for having slaves, that's what people DID then.

Christ, as recently as 1964, blacks couldn't drink out of "white" water fountains in Little Rock,
so before we get carried away with "time honored values," why don't you reconsider your
love affair with the "good old days."

13. We have denied equal access and called it affirmitive action.

No, YOUR side denies blacks and gays, making legislation their only vehicle for progress.

14. We have allowed brutal killers to go free and called it the best judiciary in the civilized world.

You have a problem with justice in America? Go to Mexico.
Good Americans LIKE American Justice. It's the best system in the world, you commie.

15. We have made reductions in the rate of spending and called it cuts.

They ARE cuts. How can you say they're not?
Here's the deal: Your 16-year old kid?

I'll hire him at minimum wage and I agree to give him a dollar raise at least every other year.

What? That's no good?

I didn't cut his wages, I merely slowed his growth.
What's this imaginary "cut" you're whining about?

16. We have recentered the SAT scale down and called it fairness.

If liberals are on the "fairness" side, which side are you on?

17. We said " I don't recall.. " and thereby did not get caught in a lie, and called it telling the truth.

Under oath, Reagan said "I can't recall" 57 times about crimes committed during his term,
yet Clinton should remember every check he wrote since the 70's?

We need more snappy e-mail with numbers!

Have you ever thought of writing your own newsletter?
Do you wonder if you have a wacky sense of humor?

Let BartCop help.

I'll set up a straight line, YOU insert the joke.

Ready? Here goes:

Rush has reached "one name" status.

Others to have this honor are:

"Cher"
"Elvis"
"Madonna"
"Prince"
"Liberace"

Everyone on that list is either:

-Unsure of their sexuality
or
-Dead from a drug overdose

So, it proves that Rush is __________.

Good luck!

From: Marc Perkel

I'm glad OJ was found liable for the double murders.
It's important that Los Angeles send the message, that if you
commit murder there, you're going to pay a really big fine!

Marc Perkel

http://www.perkel.com

The response to the "I Got a BJ From PJ" shirts is big.
We only ordered 36 shirts, the minimum.

We had to re-order more.

This is a one-time, final offer.

If you want one of these collectors item T-shirts,
have your check postmarked by February 20, 1997.

Excuse me, Mr. Limba... May I ask a question?

My question is...

If a religio-wacko shoots and kills a medical doctor, or bombs a women's clinic,
do we have your permission, Sir, to call that person an extremist?

Or would that be ANOTHER example of "leftist hate?"

Just asking...

Seen supping together last night at the Casa Blanca Cafe in
posh Palm Beach: Rush Limbaugh and Justice Clarence Thomas.
- Washington Post, 2/7/97

You can tell RL-LNW didn't write that.

They spelled Limba wrong,
They didn't know Clarence's nick,
and I never use the word "supping."

In other news, Channel 5 in Miami reports a limo stopped at
a Walgreen's at 25th and Madison late last night in Palm Beach.
Witnesses said as the limo doors opened, a scuffle occured.
A large black man was arguing with the limo's occupants.

"Why I gotta always buy the condoms?
I always have to go into the drugstore.

I'm a Supreme Court Judge.
When it gonna be your turn?"

Great GOP Quotes

"There's a big difference between tax-dodging and tax-avoidance."

--G. Gordon Liddy 1/24/97

But Gordon - does that mean there's a difference
between draft-dodging and draft-avoidance?

And if there is,
could Dan Quayle explain it to President Clinton?

There's something new and cool at the RL-LNW web site. Go to http://www.ctyme.com/bartcop

At the bottom of every issue, there's a "conference link."
(Second box from the left)

Go to "Interactive Lying, Nazi Whore" for interesting debate.
Bring your sense of humor.

And if you're a conservative,
this is your chance to hold me accountable for my "lies."

From: derekdodson@pace.atl.ga.us

I think you are completely wrong, but your mis-truths are
theraputic for me, and laughing is good for the soul.

Please send me your newsletter.

Derek

Poor Paul Harvey.

He was in a Bonanza Steakhouse in Midland, Texas,
and his waiter asked him if he'd care to "try the horse."

He said, "No, thanks. I came here to eat."

CELEBRITY MAILBAG

From: Marta@bacon.com

Dear BartCop,

Why are you saying such awful things about my husband?

I can assure you he is not having sex with Justice Thomas.
(And how did you know we call him Stymie?)

Sure, Bob Dornan hangs around a lot, (too much, if you ask me)
but I can assure you my husband has no sexual relationship
with Justice Thomas, and I resent your implications.

You need to get your facts straight.

Sincerely,

Mrs. Limba

(Not the first Mrs. Limba - she's back in Missouri)

(Not the second Mrs. Limba - she still in the nuthouse)

This just in...

Dallas Cowboy Michael Irvin has been traded to Chicago.

ESPN confirms it - he was traded to the Chicago Bears
for $8,000,000 and a first-round draft pick.

Since William "Refrigerator" Perry retired,
The Bears need a Coke machine.

Speaking of OJ, he's got Dr. Suess on his payroll.
We caught up with OJ last week as he left the LA courthouse.

We asked, "OJ, did you kill your wife?"

His answer:

I did not kill my sainted wife.

I did not kill her with a knife.

I was playing golf, or in my bed.

I did not know that she was dead.

I stayed at home that fateful night.

I took a limo, I took a flight.

The bag I had was just for me.

My bag! My bag! Just leave it be!

When I came home I had to dash.

My hand was cut, I had a gash.

I cut my hand on broken glass.

A broken glass caused that big gash.

I have no secrets, no secrets to hide.

A.C., he took me for a ride.

Did you take this person's life?

Did you kill her, kill your wife?

I did not kill her with a knife.

I did not, could not, kill my wife.

I did not do this awful crime.

I could not, would not, anytime.

Did you hit her from above?

Did you drop that bloody glove?

I did not kill my one true love.

I could not even wear that glove.

I did not slay her with a knife.

I did not, could not, kill my wife.

I did not do this awful crime.

I could not, would not, anytime.

And now I'm free, I can return

To my house for which I yearn.

And to my family whom I love.

But now I'm free -- Give back my glove!!

But OJ, OJ, RE: Ron Goldman,

are you not to him beholden?

For if you did not kill your wife,

should you not mourn Ron Goldman's life?

To he, your gratis should be shown,

He would not let her die alone.

Oh, no. Oh, no. I did not kill her.

I was watching Dennis Miller.

I would not slay my lovely wife.

I did not use the sharpened knife,

I did not kill my sainted wife.

From: Carla Butel

cbutel@brill.acomp.usf.edu

BartCop,

I read your hate page and unfortunately,
it's all trash, coming from a trashy mind.

But, I guess you knew that!!!

Sincerely,

Carla Butel

The OJ Saga

OJ Watts is the smartest black Republican in the House.
He claims he has "NO idea" why he was chosen to answer
the President's State of the Union address.

Yep, that's a toughie.

It puzzles the hell out of old BartCop, that's for sure.
What could the answer be?

Why would a party tethered to a single black member
order him to speak for them at the big dance?

Yep, it's tougher than Chinese Algebra.

Koresh help me!
I can't figure it out.

What can the answer be?

OJ Watts said "I'd like to think they put 15 names in a hat,
and my name was the one chosen."

Ha ha

Hey, OJ, I'd "like to think" ALL women want me,
but that ain't the case.

You "lucked" into this because:

A. You're the only black in a party of conservatives,

B. You're Clarence Thomas's illegitmate son,

C. You're "screw-the-poor" viewpoint works for the GOP.

By the way, isn't your father a staunch Democrat?

I thought you said you learned values from your family.
Ho Who Is Pork says liberals are "lazy, scum traitors."

Were you raised by lazy, scum traitors, OJ?

OJ Watts "earned" a degree at the University of Oklahoma.

His coach was Barry Switzer. (cough)

OJ Watt's ethics matured under Barry Switzer?

Can I get an "Amen" on the irony?

Can I get a first down?

Speaking of first downs, how did Steve Largeant get elected?

So, OJ Watts "earned" a degree in JOURNALISM from OU!

Using Rush's rules, doesn't that make OJ Watts a liar?

Hey, OJ, why did you call The Reverend Jackson a "poverty pimp?"

Oh, you're a preacher?
The religious right?

I forgot.

Speaking of insincere bastards,
let's not forget Snoot's troubles.

The whole nation was watching to see how Republican House
members would vote for the confessed ethics abuser.

Snoot lost the vote Mondale-style.
BUT, did OJ Watts vote against him?

Nope.

OJ Watts didn't cast a vote on the historical issue.

You see, he WANTED to be there to cast his vote,
OJ wanted to be there very, very, very badly,

Very badly.

But, he was at lunch, and his beeper didn't go off.

Damn the luck, eh OJ?

Yes, OJ Watts missed the crucial Snoot vote, yet..

yet...

Snoot didn't hold that against him!!!!

Snoot has a big heart.

Snoot was SO forgiving, he had OJ Watts give the GOP rebuttal
to the United States of America's President - Bill Clinton!!

So, OJ Watts called The Reverend Jacksonnnnnnnnnnnnnnn
a "dirty poverty whore slave pimp."

OJ explained:
"I specifically put Rev. Jackson's name and Mayor Barry's name
OUTSIDE the quote marks."

Oh, that explains everything!

Sounds like "I didn't inhale," doesn't it?

Snoot panicked, called a press conference and said:
"OJ Watts is crazy, the GOP doesn't hate blacks."

What a HOOT!

Rush's board lit up with indignant callers:

"Rush, I used to LIKE Snoot but he's making nice with a negro."

"Rush, Snoot is denying God's law against race-mixing."

"Rush, why should Snoot apologize for OJ Watt's racism?"

Trying to clear the problem, Rush plays an audio clip by
Bill Bennett (better than you) saying what a slut Snoot is:

"Why is Snoot giving in to the black man?
It's a great mistake, apologizing to the black man."

Snoot's our leader - he shouldn't apologize to a negro."

Limba the Hutt Issue #86

Rush Limba - Lying Nazi Whore

Limba the Hutt
Issue #86