Candy, Farley, ...Limba?
Issue #110

Great Rush Quotes

"Larry King, Larry King... that guy... all he does now....
is shows about Jon Benet Ramsey and Princess Diana..."

(Maybe, Fatso.
But Larry King never asked his viewers to call in with stories
about their yellow-puss-oozing, infected toe stories, right?)

I caught A&E's "Biography" a few days ago.
I didn't know who the subject was, but the clues were:

He's arrogant.
He's ruthless.
He's greedy.
He's ego-driven.
He's a power-freak.
He's controlling.
He's vindictive.
He's obsessed with money, money and more money.

That last one gave it away, for me.
I figured they were describing Rush Limba.
I mean, that's what anyone would think, right?

But no.
This awful person is Mick Jagger.

I've seen at least 100 Biography episodes, but I've never
seen a hatchet job like this. Jesus, the Hitler bio
only had about 15 people mention what a monster he was.
I've seen the bio's of Genghis Khan and Vlad the Impaler,
but they were decent people compared with Mick Jagger.
John D. Rockefeller didn't no shit about manipulating and
ruining people if this Biography is to be believed.
They went on and on about how gay he is/was, but then again,
can you name an Englishman who's never worn a dress onstage?

Don't get me wrong - I'm no big Stones fan, or anything.
When a Stones song comes on the radio, I listen to it,
but Mick's not somebody I'd pay to see in concert.

But why the venom/butcher job from hell?

Incredibly Stupid Rush Quotes

"Iran knows they can't trust Bill Clinton."

(That's right, Rush.
Iran will never get as close to Clinton as they were
to Red-Ink Reagan and George Herbert Traitor Butch.)

AP Report:

Pimps for Penthouse Paula Jones accused Bill Clinton and
his lawyers of launching a "fishing expedition" to pry loose
confidential information to "intimidate" the group and
challenge its tax-exempt status.

God, that's sad.
After six years of non-stop harassment, the GOFP big dogs claim
Clinton is into "fishing expeditions?" Speaking of fishing,
the Grand Old Fascist Party has been working that same, dry hole
since the summer of 1992 and can't get a nibble.

Please, take a moment and feel sorry for poor Paula Jones.
She feels she's become the subject of a fishing expedition.

As the trial gets closer, I'll continue to post the pictures
of Paula Jones from Penthouse and Hustler magazines.
These authentic pictures of Paula Jones prove that:

1. She's female.
2. She's no lady.

Granted there is some risk in distributing these photos
in that they contain nudity of the female form in,
...shall we say,
...less than dignified poses and positions.

I will stand on my First Amendment right of free speech.
These pictures need to be made available for discussion.
The pictures will be in

alt.binaries.pictures.celebrities

and

alt.binaries.pictures.tasteless

The Times of London Newspaper reports that Lady Di's family will
allow the little people to visit her grave - if they have $16.50
and agree to wait in long lines and obey all the rules.

They said they would only allow 2500 paying customers per day,
so as not to appear "greedy" to her fans around the world.
Customers can buy Lady Di mugs and Lady Di refrigerator magnets
and Lady Di shotglasses at the "DI WORLD" Gift Shop.
(Help Wanted)

Lady Di's pompous, papparazzi-cash-receiving, opportunity-finding
twice-ugly-divorced "Either way, I smell money" brother said the
new "DI WORLD" Amusement Park will open in May of 1999 and
"Lady Di's Tribute to Branson" opens soon after.
(Help Wanted)

They say Diana Spencer was a liberal,
but her family must be conservative.

Great GOFP Quotes

"I'm a smoker, and it's my house. If I want to smoke in
my house, I'm going to, and if my children don't like it,
they have the freedom to stay outside my house.
That's not arrogance, that's freedom."
--Walter whats-his-name, EIB hate radio, December 29

Great Quotes from Rush's Biography on A&E

"Rush...Rush Limba is an... "agent provocateur."
-- Jack Kemp

(For those of you who don't speak French,
Kemp called Rush "an asshole who provokes.")

It looks like we have Denver and Green Bay in the Super Bowl,
just as I predicted back in RL-LNW Volume 81.

If Denver loses by 19, as I predicted then,
I'll ditch this lame newsletter and start a sports book.

Great GOFP Quotes

"I just did a tour of Latin America, and I regret that I didn't
study Latin harder in school so I could talk to those people."

--Former U.S. Vice-President Dan Quayle

Fun Mail

From: ellis@integrityol.com

Subject: loooooooooooser

Sinserely,
Larry Ellis

Great GOFP Quotes

"If a Ku Klux Klansman wins the Republican nomination in 2000,
he would not have broad, popular support among Republicans."
--That Gary Bauer woman, Capital Gang, Jan 3

(Gary, neither did Dole,
so what's your point?)

Can-They-Have-It-Both-Ways Department:

"Rush is right when he says Ronald Reagan in still held in
high regard my most Americans because they are smart enough
to realize what a great man he was."

and

"Rush is right when he says the only reason the American
people give Clinton such high approval ratings is because
of the severe decline in American's values."
-- Walter Williams, hate radio, Dec 29, 1997

(What's that I smell?
Is Paul Harvey here?
No, that argument was a load of horseshit.)

From: "JLC"

Subject: Garbage

You sound like an undeicated fool
A stupid liberal commie.
A homophobic fagot.

You stupid Democrats try to help this country,
but insteed screw it up with your stupid big intrusive.
Why can't leave the people alone institutions?
People that reach the age of 35 are still Democratic losers!

An-unhomophob

Remember this Rush Quote?

"One question I wish I could pose to Bill Clinton would be:
Mr. President, could you, Sir, name for me an instance in
history when a country taxed itself into prosperity?"

Remember that?
>From 1993 and 1994 and 1995...

I remember one ditto-monkey grabbed Clinton's attention on
a golf course and, like some three-stooges-drunken Hell's Angel,
lunged at the president with the snear "Mr. President, can you
name a country that taxed itself into prosperity?"

"I can think of one..."

Ha ha

Sheep

Stupid GOFP Quotes

"My ads don't say that I'm running for president,
though I hope that it's fairly obvious,
since I'm the only one in the picture."

-- Bob Dole, "helping" his party again

From: jmbaker@indy.net

Subject: Re: Nancy Reagan

>my words are measured compared to the trash you spew GOD FORBID
>A CHILD RED THE TEN COMMANDMENTS AND OBAY THEM! WHAT AN ATROSITY!
>OH GOD CALL THE ACLU JESSY JACKSON AND GLORIA ALLBRIGHT liberalism
>is Satan's Kingdom of Darkness on earth and your his help.

>James Baker III

QUOTE OF THE DAY:

"A tree is a tree.
How many more do you need to look at?"
--President Ronald Reagan, before sundown

Good Times, Bad Times

I'm always the last to know, but I hear that Arianna Huffington
has quietly gotten a divorce from her Quayle-like husband.

Gee, that's strange.

Just 14 months ago, when her former husband spent $30,000,000
to try to buy a California Senate seat, they were in love.

Now, I wouldn't want somebody to accuse ol' BartCop of anything
as hypocritical as "pulling a Paul Harvey," so I won't speculate
about the love Ms. Huffington may or may not have had for her
husband while he was running for a very powerful seat in the
American government as opposed to her lack of love for him,
now that he's just another divorced Republican loser.

No, that's not my job.
Besides, Rush says only liberals marry for power.

Here at RL-LNW, we deal in facts, not innuendo.

This just in...

Emergency medical techinicians have been summoned to the floor
of the House of Representatives. First reports say Indiana Rep.
Dan Burton, (R-Bonehead) has committed suicide with a gun.

...more details coming in...

Ladies and gentlemen, this report says Rep. Burton was not trying
to commit suicide. The report says Burton was demonstrating that
it was impossible for former White House attorney Vince Foster to
have shot himself. Burton put an exact duplicate of the
Civil War-era pistol in his mouth, and just after saying,

"You See? This is incontrovertible proof that it was physically
impossible for Vince Foster to reach the trig... BAM!!!!!"

One report says House members doubled over with laughter
and were unable to call authorities until minutes later.

Great GOFP Quotes

"Bill Clinton tries to claim credit for this robust economy,
but the credit really goes to the American people.
The people made this happen, not Bill Clinton."
-- Rep. John Kasich, (R-Bonehead) Gay Republican

(Mr. Kasich, if that's true, please explain why
America is willing to perform for Bill Clinton,
but NOT willing to perform for Reagan or Butch.)

Isn't it sad that David Brinkley turned whore?

Geez, I don't mind a guy making a little money, but Brinkley
sacrificed what little credibility he had left when he agreed
to whore for Bob Dole's old bosses, Archer Daniels Midland.

"I'm just writing little essays on whatever I like," he said.
"I've always been straight and true, and will continue to be."

Sure, David.
What's your next essay about?
Why ADM needs ANOTHER billion dollar tax break?

This is possibly the most crooked, large corporation in America.
They paid Dole and his Bag-o-Hairspray a little less than
$10,000,000 over the years to get that BILLION dollar tax
break pushed through congress.

So, for every dollar they gave Dole and his Bag-O,
ADM got 100 times that amount back, from you taxpayers...
Like Rush says, "Whose money was that?"

Plus, they had to pay a $100,000,000 fine for price fixing
and they stupidly and recklessly sent one of their jets to
Tulsa to take the staff of RL-LNW to St Louis to see U2.
(Thanks, pinheads.)

And just when you think Brinkley couldn't GET any more whorish,
he starts his commercial for ADM like it's his old segment
on This Week, which fools the ditto-monkeys every time.
What it's like to be in your nineties, THEN turn whore?

David, were you THAT broke?
You didn't save any money from those 88 years in broadcasting?
This is probably the most shameless whoring I've seen from a
"respected" member of the media in the last several years.

Diane Sawyer, I take it all back.
Katie Couric, you're a pro.
Susie Creamcheese, you can put your legs together now.

But David... why?

Please stop incesting these commercials,
apologize for being a whore
and we'll forgive you.

Outgoing Mail

Subject: Your eccentric webpage

To: park29@flash.net
From: BartCop@mindspring.com

You wrote:

>Dear BartCop,

>Is the government *NOT* deserving of ridicule or criticism?

I don't mind somebody ridiculing the government.
That's what WE do when a Republican is in charge.
My problem is with Limba and Liddy and North etc.

They whore for their money, plain and simple.
They'll lie to get a half-point ratings boost.
They tell millions of impressionable sheep that Hillary
murdered Vince Foster, Bill killed Ron Brown, etc etc.
They know it's not true, they're just whoring.

There's no market for normal, logical political radio.
Rush turned politics into a big Jerry Springer show.
Rush can't thrive unless there's a civil war.
If Newt and Bill shake hands at the end of the day,
Limba loses his $25,000,000 per year.

Per fucking year.

Ask yourself what you'd be willing to say for $25,000,000,
then ask yourself what The Giver of Shade would say for it.

>(The Communication Decency Act, Clinton wants to censor the net.

This was a sham from the start.
Clinton wanted to be family-friendly, sure, but the bigger reason
was the GOFP would've made Clinton "pro-porno" if his position
was anything but what it was.

It's like gay marriages.
Maybe Clinton personally would allow them, I don't know,
but he's got to come out against it or the GOFP campaign ads
would show two Dan Dierdorf look-alikes kissing and the
caption would be "Welcome to Bill Clinton's America."

Oh, sure. Clinton could've stayed his high ground,
like President Dukakis and President Mondale...
but who'd protect us from the "less-education" policies of
Armey, the Foul-Mouthed Dick and "Kids to orphanges" Gingrich?

>Such a government is more than deserving of ridicule.

How much ridicule is too much ridicule?
Red-Ink Reagan said "Government IS the problem."
Rush says Clinton is destroying the Great America we once had.
Liddy says Clinton is a killer who intentionally murdered
57 people in Waco to get his "Stalinist" gun-grab-bill through.

They POUND and POUND and POUND this absurdity into the heads of
right-wing militia-types and uneducated rednecks and pretty soon
a "hero" starts the revolution with a Ryder truck in OK City.

Lincoln said "Should we execute the traitor for running away,
but do nothing to those who urged him to do so?"

Rush deserves the blame for the current level of hate.
Rush has more influence than Newt or Lott.
He's number one, his audience is the biggest ever,
he reminds us of that twice an hour, each and every day.
But when America lays the blame at his feet, he says
"Who, me? The lovable fuzzball?"

I'm OK with a lot of the conservative's ideas.
Take religious insanity out of it and I could buy half of it.
Conservatives would do themselves some good if they said
"Limba does not speak for us, he's an entertainer."

But, thanks for the thoughtful letter.
I don't get many of 'em,

BartCop

Great GOFP Quotes

"Bill Land Lee?
He doesn't have a Chinaman's chance of winning that post."

--Trent Lott, a friend to minorities

Michigan or Nebraska?

Both teams claim the national football title.
Both teams went undefeated this year.

Let's open the phones:
Tell us what you think, America.

First up is Bob from Paris, Texas.
Bob, you're on Rush Limba - Lying, Nazi Whore.

Caller: Hi, my name's Bob and something smells in the method
of selecting a national champion for college football,
and the fragrance isn't roses.

For Nebraska to be denied the national title is to
ignore the evidence of it's record,
much like the Clinton-Gore campaign scandal.

BartCop: Well, Bob, let's look at the record. Michigan seemed
to have the tougher schedule, beating Penn State,
Ohio State, Florida and the Pittsburg Steelers.

Meanwhile, Nebraska was whooping Colgate, The Citadel,
Idaho State, Indiana Central and William and Mary.
Plus, if you remember, William had the flu that day,
and Mary missed a field goal by inches...

Sorry, pal.
The evidence works against you, both times.
Besides, I agree with Danny Sheridan of USA TODAY.
Florida State could whip 'em both by at least eight.

Great GOFP Quotes

"If I killed Nicole, it would have been because
I loved her very much, right?"

(Maybe OJ has a point.
Nothing says "I Love You," like a near-decapitation.)

The Boy Scouts Reprise

Last Issue, we mentioned the brave Boy Scouts who refused
to take an oath to a God they believe doesn't exist.
New informations shows they were caught LIP-SYNCHING
the "duty to God" part of the oath.

They didn't call a press conference like Paula the Whore
and announce their intention to sue. They did everything
they could to go along to get along, but the fascist,
better-than-yous want that pledge spoken LOUD and CLEAR!

That's scary...

So far, the lower courts say it's illegal for a public
corporation to FORCE young people to pray to a certain God.
As this works it's way to the Supreme Court, "Slappy"
the ditto-monkey Thomas will probably decide the law.

George Butch, you should be ashamed of yourself, APPOINTING
that unqualified less-than to a lifetime of judicial fuck-ups.

Pop Quiz:

Who is America's Secretary of Defense?

I know, because I'm keep up with these kinds of things...
I have a duty to the readers of RL-LNW.

But...

Take your own survey.
Ask 5 friends who the Secretary of Defense is.
If they get it right, it'll probably take them a few minutes.

The reason people can't give you a quick answer is because
we don't hear very much from our Secretary of Defense.

You see,
Bill Clinton has guided America through six years of peace,
so the Secretary of Defense doesn't have to go on TV every night
to update the nation on what our fighting forces are doing.

Peace and prosperity.
That's what you get when you vote Democrat.

Thank you, Bill Clinton

Great Rush Quotes

"I'm not an idiot."

--Rush's show, Jan 6, 1998

(I heard this myself.)

More Great Rush Quotes

"The real liberals, with their massive, big initiatives,
and their federal tentacles, push this massive, intrusive
government that is frought with regulation after regulation
after regulation that stands in the way of entrepaneurism."

(Whoa!
I wonder how many of the 1500 people who died on the
oceanliner TITANIC didn't want their government to be
"frought with regulation after regulation after regulation."

The pointy-headed liberals would've used "scare tactics"
to force Titanic's owners to have enough lifeboats.

Those liberals - always wanting to destroy...

>From USA Today

Should Jack Kemp be the GOFP nominee in 2000 against Gore,
he has one issue primed and ready: Global Warming

"I, frankly, am going to take him head-on on this issue
and tell the American people that they are NOT the cause
of the warming of the Earth," Kemp told Fox News Sunday.

(Back up, Jack.
Limba says there IS no warming, but Kemp's position is
that there IS global warming, but it's not our fault?

Who's right?
Kemp or Limba?

El Nino Update

Record snow hits Alabama and Georgia,
tornadoes ravage Long Beach,
and it's 66 and sunny in Buffalo in January.

Rush said El Nino is just a liberal myth...
Rush is God.

Great GOFP Quotes

"I'd rape a nun if she got in my way."
--Ted Nugent, NRA Spokesman, Creem Magazine 1975

This just in...

CNN reports another indictment against Mike Espy.

This time, it's felonious acceptance of a cheeseburger
from a lobbyist who once worked for Don Tyson of Arkansas.
"It's not the value of the gift, it's the gift itself,"
said Donald Schmaltz, Ringo's Starr's cabana boy.

Celeb Mail

BartCop,

I was listening to Ollie North's show on the 30th.
Whoever the substitute host was said they had PROOF that:

-Ron Brown was murdered before the plane crashed
-his secretary was murdered between the site of
the plane crash and the hospital
-and Ron Brown's body isn't even in his grave.

Not sure about Ron Brown, but I'm sure about the secretary.
Reports said his secretary survived the crash itself,
but died in the truck on the way to the hospital.

They screwed this one up BIG-time, listing her cause of death as a broken
neck.
Somebody needs to be indicted for murder,
because everyone knows a broken neck causes instant death.

Thanks for listening,
Jan Michael Vincent

A-hem...

RL-LNW is a humor magazine.
People ask, "BartCop, how'd the humor-thing come about?"

Well, we got into the humor-thing when we grew tired
of dittoheads constantly dodging some very simple questions.

This is an experiment.
I'm going to show you why I left the newsgroups.
It's an e-mail debate betwen me and a conservative named Brian.
And let me say, Brian seems sincere and normal.
He just can't answer simple "IF" questions.

Let me give you a quick example of an "IF" question:

Ditto-head: If they prove Clinton murdered Vince Foster,
should he be impeached and imprisoned?

BartCop: You bet your ass he should.
Throw his murdering ass in jail.

See how easy it is?
Was I clear enough?

"IF" questions force you to define your beliefs.
"IF" questions are EASY if you know what you're talking about.
Well, easy for some people...

Words in (parenthesis) are "live."
Maybe this will translate OK, maybe not.

mmmmmmmmmmmmmm

From: Brian

Subject: Politics

There is one difference between the democrats and republicans.
The republicans believe in state's rights to manage themselves
and democrats say "the common man is too stupid to govern himself."

Brian Cadle

---

So, I replied:

>Brian,

> 1. States rights?
> What "IF" Idaho wants a "No niggers" law.
> As a state, do they have that right?
> Is that Brian's America?

We're not talking about impossibilities.
No state, not even Mississippi, would pass such a law.

(Brian, you failed to answer the question.
I asked how Idaho's rights would fare under your view
of the way things ought to be.
If you'd answered that, we'd know how much power the states
would have if people who think like you were in power.
You decided the question was "impossible."
You decided the question was "un-intelligent."
I'll bet we see a theme, here.)

> 2. What "IF" New York and California allow gay marriages?
> Are you STILL for states rights?

Since a marriage is defined as being "before God", I don't
approve of gay marriages. A child needs both a male and female
influence to be truly well balanced.

(Did anybody see an answer there?
As the inventor of BartCop-ism, I cannot be put in a box
and rendered mute from a question from a conservative.
Yet, conservatives duck my easy questions by the dozen.
Why is conservativism so hard to defend?
Is that why Rush is so popular?
Because he offers half-baked, anecdotal evidence to support
his idiotic, religio-riddled, backward ideas as facts?

> 3. What if Utah will license medical doctors after 1 year
> of medical school? You back them?

That's preposterous. Utah can do whatever they like,
but there are multiple failsafes in place from the medical
profession that prevent such an occurance.
There are already federal standards in place.

(So you agree with me, that the federal government can better
set a single standard than 50 individual states?)

Do you want to be governed as to what you can do in your own home?

(No, I'm for less government.
I'm for less government on reproductive rights.
I'm for less government with school prayers.
I'm for less government with most drug laws.
I'm for less government going after Howard Stern.
I'm for less government in many cases,
but I can't get my friends in the GOFP to agree with me.

> 4. What "IF" Texas wants the right to have slaves?
> Do you know what the Civil War was about?

You seem to have a fixation on slavery.

(No, I have a fixation on getting answers to questions.
Did anybody see an answer there?
Why are simple questions so hard to answer?
I'm pretty good at answering simple questions, myself.
There's a REWARD if you can stump ol' BartCop.)

The major cause of the civil war was due to the Southerners
departing from the Union to form their own country.
Any college level history class will discuss this in detail.

(Trouble...
I wonder if my "Brian is sincere and normal" comment
is coming back to haunt me.
Perhaps there are many, many opinions about what started the
Civil War, but I thought "The South wanted state's rights,"
was at the top of the accepted list.

You're not from Georgia, are you?

Is that what the GOFP wants?
Another Civil War over state's rights?
What good would that do America?)

>Do me a favor and answer these VERY simple questions.
>Hundreds before you have refused.
>Tell me the BartCop snare doesn't exist.

A pretty simplistic point of view you just tossed out.
This very attitude that either you agree with me or I'll
ignore your point of view and toss your response is the
reason no one bothers to debate with you. I answered every
question you asked and completely disagree with you.
I thought your questions were simple and by no means
did they make a case for your arguments.

(So, there was no need to answer the questions?)

In case you missed it, Hilary runs the country.

> What a goofy-ass thing to say.
> If I said "Barbara Bush ordered George around,"
> you'd ask me to "prove it."
> So, I'm asking you - prove it.

You're the first person I've ever met that doesn't think
Hillary is really running America.

(I didn't ask if ditto-monkeys agree with you,
I asked you to prove it.)

One thing you will learn with experience is you give up the
argument when you try and put words into other people's mouths.
You assume someone isn't your intellectual better.

(I have an IQ of 60, and I'm always suprised when I meet
people who are more dumber than me.)

You claim "victory" if someone doesn't respond to your questions.
Maybe people don't answer because your questions don't make sense.

(Sure, that's possible.
It's also possible sheep don't answer VERY simple questions
because if they do, they are forced to agree with me,
and they don't have Rush's opinion to hide behind.

It's called severe sheepism.

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