First off, I'd like to say that Bettina Gregory of
ABC Radio is a cheaper whore than Paula Jones,
cheaper than Monica Lewinsky and,
dollar-for-dollar,
cheaper than our very own lying, nazi whore.
"There's a tornado sweeping through Washington,
and guess who's caught up in it?"
Jerry Springer would never stoop this low.
Every night now, she's hosting a two-hour "special" to recap
alllllllllllllllllllllllllllll the events "that are spellbinding the
entire nation!!!!"
Then they go "live" to some asshole who says
"testimony continues behind closed doors."
Two hours of that.
Every night.
---
Honarary mention for Whore-dom:
USA TODAY and every newspaper that ran with the Dallas
Morning News fake-story about the Secret Cervix agent.
Why did USA TODAY publish the fake story?
Why did they run it on Page One?
"There was no way of proving or disproving the story,
so we thought the best thing to do was to report it."
The National Inquirer has more dignity than that.
I got it all figured out:
Bill Clinton is going to beat this one, too.
Matter of fact - he already has.
Starr said he had a semen-stained dress.
Clinton denied everything.
Ginzburg says there IS NO semen-stained dress.
Starr was apparently lying.
Bill feels a lot better.
The clock ticks...
Both sides wait to see who makes the next move...
Starr blinks.
Starr says he has a Secret Cervix agent eye-witness.
Starr is lying.
Clinton KNOWS he's lying.
He KNOWS he wasn't "walked-in on."
What does this mean?
When you have the cards, there's no need to bluff.
(Light bulb appears above the heads of ditto-monkees, worldwide.)
Starr lied because he's got nothing but a scared girl and,
so far, a record of 0-out-of-20 on hard proof about Clinton.
Starr gambled and lost.
Hey, Kenny!
Don't feel like such a putz.
You lost to the CHAMP!
No shame in that, right?
I remember saying ten issues back that it was too bad, after seeing
Clinton
whip George Butch and Bob Dole in fair fights in front of 280 million
witnesses,
that we never got to see Bill Clinton in a tough fight.
Jesus.
I got my wish.
Bill Clinton is backwards-hand-cuffed in a special-prosecutor
straightjacket, locked inside a Wells-Fargo safe,
lowered into twenty feet of freezing, shark-infested water.
Hey, Bill!
We DARE you to get out of this one...
But he has/will.
Bill Clinton is Michael Corleone without the murders.
"I always knew you were too smart for them," Hillary says.
"I always knew they'd never get you."
"They never had a chance," Bill replies.
So, Hillary is free to go on The Today Show and tell
Matt Blowdry that it's all just another "right-wing lie."
She can't get hurt.
They KNOW Starr has nothing but his dick in his hands.
Clinton wins again.
(Of course, I could be 100 percent wrong with my analysis,
but even if I am, I'm still more correct than the Dallas Morning News.)
Great Nazi Quotes
"Hillary is a lesbian."
--Rush Limba, servicer of horses, Jan 28, 1998
Why is Vernon Jordon waiting for Bill
outside the White House in that white Bronco?
Don't Forget:
Ronald Reagan and Pat Robertson both married pregnant women,
and that was back in the Puritan forties,
...so don't let anybody tell you that Bill Clinton invented sex scandals.
ha ha
CNN reports "This story is coming out in spurts."
Our president was interrupted 102 times during his
State of the Union address for applause.
America LOVES a winner,
and will not tolerate a loser.
Talking Points
Kenneth Starr was supposed to dig into Whitewater.
Yet...
Yet...
When Bill and Hillary bought into Whitewater,
Monica Lewinsky was only four months old.
Why is Kenneth Starr threatening to put Monica's parents
in jail unless she testifies against Clinton?
How did Starr get always-everywhere-anything authority
to dig into anyone-anytime-everything forever?
This was once America, right?
More "proof"
"Monica Lewinsky is NOT a Republican.
Monica Lewinsky is from a liberal family.
I can PROVE it.
Her family's zip code is 90210 - Beverly Hills!
That's the most famous liberal zip code in America.
That proves it."
-- Rush, shouting down a caller, Wednesday the 28th
See? I told you so...
As I predicted in RL-LNW Volume 110, the Denver Broncos
beat the hapless Green Bay Packers in the most exciting
Super Bowl we've seen in many years.
Congrats to John Elway and Denver.
CBS just reported that Monica's throat is pregnant!
From: bmahar@abc.com
BartCop, got one for you:
"All this time, we thought that humming sound was the shredder."
-- The White House staff
Surprise of the Year
Monica Lewinsky called a live press conference and
took off her mask and was revealed to be...
Nancy Reagan!
"I've always had a thing for men in power," she admitted.
Wall Street didn't like it when Bill (Cut-Spending) Clinton
had a bad day, dropping 106 points.
But, when Wall Street saw Hillary's defiant attitude on the Today Show,
they knew Bill had 'em whooped again.
Tuesday, stocks went up 110 points.
Bill Clinton
Good for America
Good for the World
Amazing...
Polls say women who's husbands have cheated on them
are willing to give Clinton the benefit of the doubt,
yet...
yet...
men who were caught cheating on their wives say
Bill Clinton doesn't deserve to keep his job.
NBC is asking "Is this story overblown?"
I thought the Pope was going to visit Cuba.
What happened?
I haven't seen a thing in the papers...
Who was running the TV cameras at the State of the Union?
When President Clinton warned Saddam that he better not "monkey around"
with the armed forces of America, the camera cut to Clarence "Slappy"
Thomas.
Whatever happened to the Unabomber trial?
You'd think something would be in the papers...
Great GOFP Quotes
"Paula Jones.
She says Clinton was forceful, knew what he wanted,
and aggressively, methodically pursued his goal.
That doesn't sound like the Bill Clinton I know.
Knowing Clinton's tendency to negotiate and meet halfway,
he probably would've settled for a handjob."
-- Arianna Huffington on Politically Incorrect
Paula Jones - Stand Up Comic
What's the difference between Bill Clinton and the Titanic?
More women went down on Bill Clinton.
I wonder who picked out Clinton's tie Tuesday night?
Let me get this straight:
Ho Paula Jones was naked in Penthouse.
(Pictures available on the newsgroups.)
Ho Gennifer Flowers posed for Hustler or Titters or something.
(Pictures available on the newsgroups.)
Ho Monica has a $2,000,000 offer from Penthouse.
Anyone see a pattern here?
(Plus, notice Anita Hill kept HER legs together.)
BEFORE Ringo launched his ambush on that poor Monica girl,
CNN said Paula Jones had an approval rating of 11 percent.
You people who pay attention know this is true.
CNN also said her whore-factor was 62 percent.
I wonder what it is now?
Kenny Starr says Clinton bagged Elizabeth Gracen,
a former Miss Arkansas, a former Miss America.
Excuse me... but Ms. Gracen is one, fine babe.
Why couldn't Ringo catch Clinton with Miss America, HMMMMM?
No, that might create a pro-Clinton backlash.
Can't have that.
What Kind of Man Doesn't Read RL-LNW?
I got another complaint about my bad language,
so I asked a few questions - and got a few answers.
To: carters@hom.net
From: BartCop@mindspring.com
Subject: My language
>As far as my bad language, do you own HBO?
No.
Don't care for the language.
>Have you ever been to a movie?
Yes.
But I don't go anymore;
I don't care for the language.
>Have you ever heard of Dennis Miller or Chris Rock?
No.
Do they use fowl language?
>Have you ever heard of Richard Pryor or George Carlin?
Yes.
But I don't listen to them either.
Fowl language again.
Besides, you're no Richard Pryor.
(That's the only smart thing you've said.)
Sincerely,
S. Carter
Great Democratic Quotes
"I know it's customary for witnesses to express their pleasure
to appear before you, but I am under oath."
-- Harold Ickes, Witchhunt '96
Dominici: "Oh, Mr Ickes...You're GOOD.
You're REAL gooooooooooood."
At her deposition, Ringo said it was time for "oral proffers,"
so Monica pulled his zipper down.
Great GOFP Quotes
"My goodness.
They'd never catch me having sex with a young girl."
-- Bob Dole, at the Dick Nixon Library, Jan 27, 1998
From: madavis@cyberdrive.net
Subject: Paula Jones Pics
Do you have anymore pictures of Paula Jones?
I saw the one you posted called "Halloween."
Please send me others, if they're scary.
Thanks,
Mark
(Mark,
How much room on your hard drive?)
Great Rush Quotes
"The liberals always said Sonny Bono was a dim bulb.
Now that he's dead, they're finally being OBJECTIVE."
(Objective?
Ha ha.
Stop it.
Ha ha.
Quit it.
Ha ha.
No, Rush.
You've got it all wrong - again.
The liberals were just being polite to the dead.
Sonny Bono was almost as stupid as the Indiana Spud.
The only polite thing Newt could think of to say was
that Sonny Bono made 'em laugh when things were tense.
Rush, what you're missing is,
(besides a shred of human decency,)
no American besides you has the "courage" to slur the dead
as they're being lowered into the ground.
Rush Limba - The COURAGE to slur the dead.
Kenny Starr denied this whichhunt is a witchhunt.
"Nonsense," he said. "This investigation began when we
received credible evidence of serious, federal crimes."
Hey, Kenny.
It's been fifty months.
Where is it?
When do we get to see the "credible evidence?"
Before she found fame as Paula Jones's spokeswoman,
Susan Carpenter McWhore did the same for the anti-abortionists.
As media rep for the Right to Life League of Southern California,
she described abortion as "America's Holocaust."
Her position was absolute:
She opposed abortion as a legal choice,
even for victims of rape and incest.
With me so far?
In 1990, she admitted she had two abortions.
One in 1970, and another in 1976.
(In 1970, abortion wasn't legal in the United States.
Mrs. Right-To-Life had an ILLEGAL abortion!
Shame, shame, shame on the baby-killer.)
When asked by a reporter to justify herself, she said,
"Fuck you, braindead.
They write a check, I cash it.
Then I say what they tell me to say."
Monika Lewinsky?
This is all a big misunderstanding.
She told Bill she was going to the Bahamas in two weeks
and Bill just offered her some snorkling lessons.
Great "Here Piggy, Piggy" Quotes
"I don't want to spend all day talking about Clinton's penis,
but what choice do I have?"
-- Thunder-Thigh Limba
Great GOFP Quotes
"I see my role in our national life to be
advocate of civilization, definer of civilization,
teacher of the Rules of Civilization."
-- Snoot Gingrich, Squeaker of the House
(Hey, Snoot!
I think you have a pretty good point,
...for me to POOP on!
Great Liberal Quotes
"In order that racist groups will not be unopposed on the Internet,
democratic forces must also be mobilized there."
-- BartCop, January 18, 1998, explaining his Internet presence
I think I have it figured out!
Hillary looks like Morgan Fairchild.
Fairchild always plays the scheming bitch,
so when the GOFP sees her,
they mistakenly transfer that conception and ...boom!
We GOT him!
Well, maybe we missed him on the Arkansas murders,
but we've got him on Mena Airport-gate.
Well, maybe we missed on the Mena Airport,
but we've got him on the bags-of-Tyson-cash thing.
Well, maybe we missed on the Tyson cash,
but we've got him on the "I didn't inhale" thing.
Well, maybe we missed on "didn't inhale,"
but we've got him on the Gennifer Flowers thing.
Well, maybe we missed on Gennifer Flowers,
but we've got him on the draft-dodging thing.
Well, maybe we missed on the draft-dodging,
but we've got him on the war-protester thing.
Well, maybe we missed on war-protesting,
but we've got him on the Paula Jones thing.
Well, maybe we missed on Paula Jones,
but we've got her on the Cattlegate thing.
Well, maybe we missed on Cattlegate,
but we got him on the Whitewater thing.
Well, maybe we missed on Whitewater,
we've got them on the Travelgate thing.
Well, maybe we missed on Travelgate,
but we've got her for Vince Foster's murder.
Well, maybe we missed on Vince Foster,
but we've got them on the Filegate thing.
Well, maybe we missed on Filegate,
but we got him on Charlie Trie-gate.
Well, maybe we missed on Charlie Trie,
but we got him on the Johnny Chung thing.
Well, maybe we missed him on Johnny Chung,
but we got him on Ron Brown's murder.
Well, maybe we missed him on Ron Brown's murder,
but we got him on the Arlington scandal.
Well, maybe we missed him on the Arlington scandal,
but we've got him on Intern-gate.
....and the beat goes on...
Swear-to-Koresh True Quotes
"I'm going back to the White House where I have
my own set of Presidential knee pads."
-- Monica Lewinsky, who might replace Rush Limba
as the most famous cock-sucker in American history.
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