Note:
We went to press right after the Capital shootings.
It's kind of a silly, upbeat issue.
Let's talk about heroes and gun control next
week.
Tom Delay, ...you're a lucky son-of-a-bitch,
and I choose my words carefully.
Now, poor a cocktail and enjoy the bullshit.
This is the Rush Limba - Lying, Nazi Whore Magazine
Brought to You by Archer Daniels Midland
"Corn - It's Your Future"
Resistence is Futile
Tomorrow's News Today
Unless You Live In The City
Read by Dozens
Rush Limba - Lying, Nazi Whore
If we could do fonts, the word "whore" would be "this big."
Do you know about RL-LNW?
Your kids know.
Christ, where you been?
We're bomb with liberals and readers.
You should talk to your kids more often.
In This Issue:
Hate by the KKK
Fear by Religion
Facts by Science
Peace by Clinton
Economy by Clinton
Guilty by Headline
Pursued by Po' Kenny
Hated by Fascist America
Stench by Bob Barr (R-Cro-Mag)
Language by Dan Burton (R-Scumbag)
Written by BartCop
Edited by BartCop
Approved by Nobody
Tequila by Sauza
Amarillo by Morning
Re-Edited by BartCop
Screenplay by BartCop
Surgery by Coathanger
Self Made by Catholics
Sarcastic by Necessity
Ooooooooooooh's by Bono
Re-Re-Edited by BartCop
Party Favors by The Doctor
Pain in the Ass by AM Radio
IQ of 60 by Luck of the Draw
---
It's America's Fascist Pigboy VS. BartCop - Wartime Consigliere
Rush Limba - LNW Internet Magazine
(Still Free - After All These Years)
...more honest than Matt Drudge
...cheaper than Time and Newsweek
...shorter than a network newscast
(If you read fast)
...smaller words than the newspaper
(If you don't)
...stating Nothing But His Opinion
More Balls than a National League Ump
If you DON'T like what I have to say,
[I cleared this with my lawyers - Arwee, Fuct and Howe)
You have the legal right to Blow Me
...and here we go...
(house lights down)
(bring up "Marrs, Bringer of War")
(start smoke machine)
(send the "Slappy" Thomas dancers onstage)
(send MC "Slappy" onstage in blackface)
(bring up "Mammy" music)
(cue MC "Slappy")
Ladies and Gentlemen....
(drum roll)
Ladies and Gentlemen....
(drum rolls louder)
Ladies and Gentlemen....
(frenzy builds)
Ladies and Gentlemen....
(crowd goes crazy)
Ladies and Gentlemen...
It might be.....
(Crowd builds to fever pitch)
It could be.....
(crowd screaming)
...Award Winning!!!!!!!
(crowd creaming)
...Family Friendly!!!!!!
(crowd going berzerk)
Ladies and Gentlemen......
What you've been waiting for...
RUSH LIMBAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA
LYING, NAZIIIIIIIIIIII WHOOOOOOOOOORRRRE!!!
(Crowd sets fire to police cars)
Here we go...
Rush missed a lot of work again this week, but he's not "on vacation."
That means more butt surgery.
The cyst on his ass again.
The cyst that prevented Rush from going to Vietnam,
even tho he wanted to go, "with all my heart."
Poor bastard...
He wants to be ready in case he's drafted again, now that he's 49.
Paula Gets A Nose Job
The Associated Press, July 19, 1998
NEW YORK (AP)--Paula Jones' profile is dwindling.
Ms. Jones underwent the first of 14
rhinoplasty operations at the Park Avenue office
of famed millionaire plastic surgeon Dr. Thomas Loeb, two New York
papers reported.
Her second session is due in about 30 days.
Some people need nosejobs.
Paula needed full rhinoplasty.
Amazing True Quotes:
"I'm not a natural leader.
I'm too intellectual.
I'm too abstract.
I think too much."
-- Squeaker Gingrich, ...third in charge
Anybody else getting tired of the Big Cancer ads that
whine about the "big government tobacco tax?"
If I know the Cro-Mag half of this country, and I do...
they'll BUY that, even tho the McCain in the "McCain-Feingold bill,"
is a Republican,
...but that could change.
(Quick - besides McCain, can you name a Republican war hero
who has NOT had his ass kicked by Bill Clinton?)
They keep whining about how "Washington refuses
to learn."
Hey, Big Cancer!
This is a REPUBLICAN bill.
Big Cancer is putting tens of millions into this lie-ad,
and I think they're going to be successful.
So what's Big Cancer's problem?
Some people say Clinton is a magician, because he got
blowjobs from young women in the White House, ...and America still
loves him.
Yet...
yet...
yet Big Cancer helps kill 400,000 people each year,
and they fucking OWN the Republican party,
and ditto-monkeys STILL elect people like Gingrich,
Armey the foul-mouthed Dick and Dan "scumbag" Burton.
Bottom line?
Clinton gets a blowjob, the GOFP facilitates the deaths of thousands,
...and Clinton is the one under investigation.
Screwy world, eh?
Trent Lott, who's from Mississippi, says being gay is a form of insanity,
like kleptomania or being a republican congressman from Orange County.
I have a question:
If being
gay is so wrong, why didn't Jesus mention it?
Jesus Christ never mentioned it.
Not even once.
Go ahead, name the passage where He mentioned it.
Go ahead, I'll wait.
(Jeopardy theme song)
Yet, the foam-at-the-mouth Christian right says this is
one of the "biggest sins" a person can ever commit.
If that's true...
if they're not lying,
(snicker...)
Why did Jesus fail to mention it?
Was Jesus "too slick" politically to mention it?
Did Jesus "forget" to mention it?
Apparently the radical-right knows BETTER than Jesus Christ.
As I recall, Jesus wasn't big on fund-raising, was he?
Why is it Steve Largent and Snoot and Alan Keyes raise millions,
but Jesus never saw the need?
Maybe money just wasn't that important to Him....
(You sheep, don't write back and tell me what the Bible said.
We're not talking about the Bible, now ARE we?
We're talking about what Jesus said.
I assume you know who Jesus is???)
So, if being gay is so wrong, why did Jesus never mention it?
The staff of RL-LNW is planning a trip to our Capitol.
We're doing the Van Gogh exhibit in October.
Van Gogh, ...there's a liberal for ya.
Son-of-a-bitch ate more paint than he put on the canvas.
Back then, paint was mostly lead.
No wonder the crows clawed his eyes out.
While we're east-coasting...
If you know of a DC Republican hotbed of corruption,
get the names and addresses to me quick!
BartCop and the RL-LNW staff - going to Washington DC!
We're looking forward to some "feminist parties" where,
Dr Laura Mengele SWEARS this is true,
she puts her REPUTATION on the FACT that this is true,
she says liberals smear menstrual blood on each other
at parties because, "that's what liberals do," she says.
Doc Meng, just eat me, OK?
If BartCop can't find a blood-smearing party, nobody can.
And if ANYONE reading this knows why Limba-with-a-vagina would
say something so insanely wild, THEN stake her reputation on it,
please contact a RL-LNW customer service rep.
We'll have a good time doing DC, then we'll head up
to see some Stalinists/Leninists in New York and Boston.
If anyone knows of some political happenins,
on the east coast in October, let us know...
Most people contact their state representatives for White House
tickets, but Oklahoma is represented by Senator Don Rickles,
Senator Jack Inhofe, the irrepressible Jesus Twins and the
always-fun "the importance of being Ernest Istook."
We're on our own in Washington DC, come October.
Oh, and I'm taking "The Baby," of course.
Too many gun nuts in DC to go unarmed.
Great GOP Quotes
"Power is the ultimate aphrodisiac."
--Henry Kissinger, who is one ugly bastard, make no mistake
Oh sure, but if Clinton tries to get some, it's the Crime of the Century?
Kissinger was uglier and less powerful than Clinton.
When Henry got laid, we cheered for the underdog/dog.
If Clinton gets a bj, we should lynch him and forget what he's
done to help tens of millions of families have a better life?
By the way...
Several people wrote to ask about the quiz in Volume 123.
It was:
Great GOFP Quotes
"I know that man.
I've... I've seen his picture on television.
He's... he's a famous man..."
--Ronald Reagan, pointing to his Sec of State, George
Schultz
Can you guess which year this happened?
Was is 1987?
Was is 1992?
Was it 1997?
Truth is, Reagan never could remember his name.
They had to remind him every time Schultz came in the room.
At that fateful cabinet meeting in 1984, when Schultz stood up
and pounded his fist on the table and said,
"Dammit, Mr. President, THIS IS ILLEGAL!
We should NOT be selling these missles to
Hezbollah,"
Reagan said,
"Who is that man, and why DID he hit my horse?"
How did Matt Drudge become Rush's best puppy?
Every day, Rush mentions how Drudge's meteoric rise to fame
is similar to Pigboy's early career.
"They hated me, too," he whines.
Still do, Rush.
Tony Snow also praises Drudge, but his boss makes him.
Rupert Murdoch hired Drudge to be "gossip-boy" on Fox-Whore TV,
and they have the gall to say they have no bias?
Tony HAS to praise Matt Drudge.
I wonder what kind of soap he uses when he goes home?
Is the Drudge Gossip show on yet?
It doesn't play in Bedrock, Oklahoma, which is a surprise.
The Jesus Twins Coburn and Largent OWN this state.
Did you see Matt Drudge's Playboy interview? Drudge compared
himself to Benjamin Franklin, for some goddamn reason.
Ben Franklin was ambassador to France, the discoverer of electricity,
a framer of the constitution and the owner of thousands of patents.
Matt Smudge has a resume almost as good as Ben Franklin.
He spread a lie about a semen-stained dress.
So, McVeigh Republicans and Newt's boy Murdoch make him a star.
Did you see Drudge on Letterman? He kept whining about "the White House
lawsuit,"
as though Clinton was trying to stop "the facts" from getting to the
people on the Drudge website.
Truth is, (if it fucking matters anymore) Drudge claimed Sidney Blumenthal
beat his wife,
and that was a LIE, so Sid sued him.
You see, in cyber-space you CANNOT defame the innocent.
That's why we're able to call Rush a lying, nazi whore,
because it's the truth and everybody knows it.
I know it, you know it,
Bob Dole knows it,
the 'Merican people know it.
When I say Rush has Oleo-Gerbil parties with Slappy and B-1 Bob,
they can't take me to court because .....it's TRUE!!
That stuff about Paul Harvey sexing his horses?
All true, ...swear to Vern.
Bill Bennett's college-era rape charges?
The charges were dropped after $75,000 was paid to the family
of the young woman who was assaulted, AFTER she agreed to have
a faulty memory when it came to Bill Bennett's trial.
Could I print it if it wasn't true?
I know of several web sites that document this story.
Excuse me...
Bill Bennett, still smoking...
ha ha
...sorry
So, anyway, Matt "semen-stain" Drudge is Rush's new puppy,
even tho he's had to retract his lies about Sid Blumenthal,
retracted the lie about the semen-stained dress, etc etc.
Koresh, the shit that passes for heroes these days...
Open Letter
Dear God,
We are very, very, very sorry for whatever it was
that our children did to make you so terribly angry.
Whatever we did, it won't happen again.
If we ever have more children,
we will raise them better.
Again, we are VERY sorry.
Sincerely,
The People of Somoa
(A rouge tsunami wave wiped out much of Somoa
that week)
I have a question:
It's hot in Texas, so George Herbert Weinie Butch is crying for
federal aid to come bail out his "poor state."
Hey, Butch!
What happened to state sovereignty?
Have you ever heard of the 10th Amendment?
I thought you didn't LIKE federal power, remember?
Did you forget which side of the slur you were on?
Remember, Gov. Wilson of California pulled the same thing after
the El Nino mudslides that Pigboy STILL says never occurred.
These Republicans like to warn about the black helicopters at election
time,
but they looooooooooove big government if there's a heavy rain or a
heat wave.
I've said it a thousand times:
The Republicans are like teenagers. They WANT to be free of "big government,"
but the minute they hit a bump, they run to Mommy for another suck
at that federal teat.
Besides, isn't Governor Butch the one who had those
freedom-fighting Texas-Forever militia-boys arrested?
Koresh, it was Ruby Ridge all over again.
...and this Son-of-a-Wimp thinks he's going to be president?
Have you seen that new show on Fox?
It's pretty good.
Brit Hume reads a story about the angle of Clinton's penis, then another
one about all
the crimes Clinton committed that day, then another story about the
angle of Clinton's penis.
But you have to watch the entire show.
At the end of the show, "Number One" from Star Trek comes out and challenges
you
to guess which stories are true and which were made up by Matt Drudge.
It's called "Fox News - Fact or Fiction."
Check it out.
Great Fascist Quotes
"America was NOT built on diversity.
Diversity did NOT build this country.
Diversity is NOT a founding block of this
country."
Rush Limba
President,
White Supremecy Inc.
Michigan Militia Mail
From: papax7@gtii.com
>Dear BartCop,
>My problem is the new outbreak of "hate speech"
laws, like ethnic intimidation.
>We just had a case of that here not too long
ago. Some redneck bigot called a
>black man a derogatory name and picked a fight
with him. He got nailed for
>"ethnic intimidation" and not assault.
>What's the difference between burning the flag
and ethnic intimidation?
Burning the flag doesn't intimidate an ethnic minority.
>I can say BC is an adultering playboy whose policies
destroy our great nation.
>I could also probably say he knew about the
plot to kill Vince Foster.
You could also say the sky is red.
The "plot to kill Vince Foster?"
Even Po' Kenny says that's a crock.
I fail to see your point.
>You say all the time that Bush, Reagan, Quayle,
Noot, Thomas, the OK Jesus
>twins and probably every other national GOPper
are some pretty nasty people.
I never say that without backing it up.
Judging by the few rebuttals I get, America agrees with me.
>I just don't get it!
I know.
...and it's so sad.
>But I'll be praying for you. If you give me a
good enough answer and don't
>swear, I might put your reply in a future PCW.
I have a few new subscribers
>who don't know who you are yet.
I'm not sure I see a "show-stopping" question that screams for an answer.
If there's no fire danger, flag-burning is OK with me.
Thousands of men died in WWII so we could have the freedom to express
outrage with the government.
Isn't that what Pigboy is all about?
If expressing outrage at the government is a crime, Pigboy belongs
on death row.
Was your question about the flag or the ethnic thing?
Let me ask you a question: Which crime is worse?
Crime 1: A gang of thugs say "Let's
beat and rob the next person we see
who looks like they might have some money
on them."
or
Crime 2: The same gang says: "Let's
drive across town to that fairy club
and beat the hell out of some faggots."
Which crime is worse?
I submit crime 2 is worse.
If intent has anything to do with pressing charges,
and it does, crime 2 should carry a bigger penalty.
Crime 1 is about greed and disrespect for the law.
Crime 2 is about being a right-wing, Republicam ditto-monkey.
Hope I helped,
BartCop
KABUL, Afghanistan -- Television is corrupting Afghan society,
and anyone caught with one will be punished, the hard-line
Taliban government announced Wednesday.
The Taliban issued a statement saying televisions, videos and
satellite dishes caused "mental disorders."
(Editor's note: Bob Dornan owns all three.)
"Video recorders and television cause corruption in this society," said
Mohammed Qalamuddin,
head of the Taliban's Religious Ministry. Qalamuddin said owners must
get rid of their "temptations".
Then religious police, (not to be confused with Po' Kenny's sex police)
will conduct spot searches and punish offenders.
wow
In America, the Coathanger Coalition controls Congress.
Gosh, wouldn't it be fun if the religiously insane gained control of
the White House, too?
If you like what's happening in Afganistan, Pakistan and Iran, vote
GOFP this November.
And now, a word from one of our sponsors.
We Don't Care.
We Don't Have To.
We're The GOFP.
(Paid for by the Ashcroft for President Committee.)
Want to support a courageous, hard-working mom who got caught up
in a high-stakes legal battle when she decided to tell the truth?
The "Official Linda Tripp Web Site" asks that question and
suggests you answer with a check to Tripp's legal defense fund.
"Yes, I want to support Linda Tripp!" her Web site exhorts.
You can even order a pro-Tripp bumper sticker--"while supplies last."
Wait a minute...
Linda Tripp didn't get "caught up" in anything.
Like Paula Jones,
like Gennifer Flowers,
she ran right into the national spotlight screaming
"LOOK AT ME!"
"LOOK AT ME!"
"LOOK AT ME!"
"LOOK AT ME!"
We all looked.
We all gagged.
Tripp's known worldwide as the Judas-ho who screwed her friend.
She's Clarence Thomas with broader shoulders.
She wants us to stop what we're doing and feel sorry for her.
Sorry, Linder.
You're the most despised tramp in America for good reason.
You're no Richard Jewel.
You're no Susan McDougal.
You didn't get "pulled" into anything.
You didn't get "caught-up" in anything.
You and your book agent set this up.
You tried to get rich, bitch.
The idea that "poor" Linda did this "to defend herself"
is too stupid even for Catholics - or should be.
Like Monica,
if Linda "Free Willy" Tripp simply kept her mouth shut,
she wouldn't have all these problems in her life.
Also, I just LOVE the part where Tripp is "afraid for her life."
How goddamn dramatic can a nasty ho git?
The Limba/Liddy red-meaters are ready to buy her book,
but the "added danger" of "hiding from White House hit squads"
adds that James Bond element that book-sellers love so much.
Gee, it's almost like they had a book agent on the inside...
I'm going to write a small sentence.
Tell me what you might read into this:
"Linda gave Starr 20 hours of taped calls from Monica."
The question I have is, "How do we know she doesn't have 40?"
For all we know, Linda is pulling a "Burton-Scumbag" on us.
She may have another 20 hours of tapes where Monica admits
this "presidential affair" was all in her so-called mind.
Remember, before she ever met Clinton, she said she was
"going to get some presidential kneepads."
...but that book wouldn't sell very well, no.
Linda Tripp and Luci Frankenstein can't get on Larry King
if they just know a woman with an active imagination, no.
And, why does EVERYBODY need a spokesperson these days?
If I ever get dragged into the spotlight,
(please Vern, please drag me)
I'll be goddamned if I hide in my house like a scared bunny and
let some asshole attorney go on Larry King to say what I think.
Seems to me, anyone with a IQ over 60, (I qualify)
ought to be able to speak for themselves.
But noooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo.
Not in a whore-driven America.
It's like TunaBoy always says:
Follow the money.
Frankenstein and Free Willy are looking for a book deal.
Does Scarfe own a publishing company?
From: danaikin@ptw.com
>Subject: Re: RL-LNW Vol 123
>I hate you.
>You last issue got deleted from my e-mailbox
so fast
>my mouse sustained a ruber pad burn.
>Sincerely,
>Dan Aiken
Dear Dan,
I've never had ruber burn.
Sounds painful, tho...
Monkey Mail
Dear BartCop,
Please stop making fun of Rush Limbaugh.
He is a great man, helping to solve America's problems.
You don't have to constantly attack him for his position
on tobacco, which is still legal, by the way.
Clinton is such a phony on this.
"We must save the children," he says.
This isn't about children, and you know it.
Why are you lying to your liberal puppets?
This is a freedom issue.
Sincerely,
Lung Cancer
This just in...
Will the Tripp tapes be admissable in a trial?
Even if she's not charged with illegal taping,
the tapes are poison fruit, right?
What's Kenny going to do if the judge rules that
he can't use the tapes in his persecution of Monica?
Poor Kenny.
When it's all over, he'll have nothing but
his dick in his hands and a ruined reputation.
From: mlarsen@concentric.net
Organization: The Dukie Co.
Subject: Re: RL-LNW Vol 123
1. Why doesn't government work.
You, sir, have a negative pregnant on your hands.
Do you know who the father is?
I submit government DOES work.
To what are you comparing our government?
Is there a better government on this planet that you wish
America would copy? If so, name that government, and don't say Germany,
1933, please.
Government, like drugs, women, power and penis length, has a down side.
Ours isn't perfect, but it's the best.
2. In every aspect of our lives, government fails.
Government fails in "every aspect?"
When's the last time America was invaded?
Gotcha.
3. Government schools fail.
Are you kidding me?
Our schools landed men on the moon, Cubby.
Who do you think did that?
The Catholics?
You can TELL the Catholics weren't involved, because
(insert favorite Catholic joke here.)
4. Drug Prohibition fails.
That's the first true thing you've said.
If drugs were legal, murders would drop, muggings would drop,
gangs would be de-funded, and emergency rooms would be less crowded.
But noooooooooo.
If we solved half of America's troubles, it might "send the wrong signal,"
and we can't have that. I'm with you on this one, dude.
5. Affirmative Action fails to narrow the racial gap.
Compared to what?
Compared to "Get out of my store, nigger?"
You're saying the GOP has done more for race relations than affirmative
action?
Is that why there's only one black Republican in Congress?
Because the GOP has successfully bridged the racial gap?
6. Every government intervention to coerce free society fails in the long run.
You keep using words like "every" and "always."
If you'd change to "usually" or "sometimes,"
you might get some people to agree with you.
But... let's look at your statement.
How about the G.I Bill?
That's a government program that coerces people to trade a few years
for a college education.
You say that's a failure?
How about a mortgage tax-break?
Doesn't that make people want to buy a house?
I'm sure I could think of a dozen more, but maybe now
you understand the stupidity of making blanket statements.
7. You, as a liberal, can be said to favor government intervention on some issues. Why?
There you go again.
If a man is raping his teenage daughters and beating his wife every
night,
I think government intervention is a good idea.
Apparently, in Kyle Larsen's America, a man is free to
take care of his family any way he sees fit, right?
You're a scary man, Kyle.
8. I know you will digress in subject matter..
but if you could just answer
that one question for me, I would consider re-thinking
my political views.
Slayer of Statists,
Kyle Larsen
Kyle, my friend, no matter how poorly I answer your question,
you still need to re-think your political views.
Maybe your views are not as extreme and full-throttle as your rhetoric,
but all this "never" and "always" stuff is a new language to someone
who can recognize scientific theory.
You see government as a lumber saw heading for your crotch.
I see government as teamwork.
You and I couldn't build the Golden Gate Bridge.
But we and a million others could hire engineers and architects
to get together enough steel and concrete and build the Golden Gate
Bridge.
You know what you have without government?
You have Arkansas, you have Idaho, you have Montana,
you have west Texas, you have Waco, you have Ruby Ridge.
If you want "the man" off your back, move away from the cities and the
civilized "puppets"
and go out into the country where taxes are few and sheriffs are fewer.
If you get far enough
into the woods, you can treat your family any way you want, and you
won;t have to worry about
the "nosy" neighbors who'll call Child Protective Services if you have
a few drinks and want to
help your young daughters into womanhood.
Other than that, I found your comments imaginative, but not tangible or applicable.
However, feel free to write again,
BartCop
OJ, one more time
I think OJ did it, but I can't say how.
Nobody can say how.
Isn't that odd?
A few questions:
1. What time did the murders take place?
You can't say "OJ did it," if you can't place him
at the scene at the time of the murder.
-the trip with Quayle-for-brains to McDonalds.
-the howling dog,
-the three bumps on the wall,
-the only half-melted ice cream,
-the still-lit candles around Nicole's bathtub,
-the time it took to drive from Bundy to Rockingham,
-the limo driver and the trip to LAX,
If OJ did it, how did he do it?
2. Where is the murder weapon and where are the bloody clothes?
Considering the mess, the killer had to be drenched in blood,
yet no blood was found in, for instance, OJ's shower. As you know,
forensics can find blood residue YEARS after it's been cleaned up,
so where did OJ change, and how/when did he find the time?
If it was OJ that caused the three bumps on the wall, where was
he going at the time? Since a glove was found there, under the
air-conditioner unit, we assume OJ was on his way to dump the
bloody clothes and knife, but where was that path leading OJ?
It was his property, we must assume he knew where he was going.
Assuming OJ dropped the glove and not Republican Mark Furman,
where was OJ heading with it?
Isn't it necessary for him to have had an accomplice?
3. Why were the LA cops so goddamn stupid?
They got a blanket from Nicole's house and covered the bodies with it,
destroying any forensics that were left. They took blood from OJ's
arm,
brought it to the crime scene, then "lost" some of it, thus giving
OJ
the perfect "frame-up" alibi. They found "new blood" on the gate AFTER
they took blood from OJ. They didn't even lock the fucking Bronco,
enabling kids to get in and mess around inside and take pictures.
Was Kenneth Starr in charge of this investigation, too?
4. Why didn't Marcia know Furman was a time-bomb?
Sure, she had a lot on her mind and a lot of witnesses, but how could
she miss the fact
that the guy who found the most CRUCIAL piece of evidence just happened
to be a
GOFP-racist and a clumsy liar with a VERY poor memory?
5. Why did the gloves not fit?
The manufacturer testified the gloves don't shrink.
Granted, OJ contorted his finger muscles to make the
gloves appear too small, but they DID look too small.
6. People testified OJ had no cuts at the airport.
When you get a famous person's autograph, you can't help but watch his
hands write "To BartCop."
It's human nature. If his hand is bleeding, you're likely to say,
"Hey, OJ. What's up with the blood on my autograph?"
So many unanswered questions...
I'd like to hear from someone with strong opinions who thinks they can
answer the questions.
I'm not saying OJ is innocent, but can we judge him guilty if we're
not able to answer these very simple questions?
Please don't send me 500 pages of dry notes.
Don't forward a 50K thesis someone else wrote.
If you have a theory, write back using the questions numbered 1-6,
and add more if you want.
I think he did it, but how?
The whole purpose of this newsletter, besides the fun,
is to show the incredible hypocrisy on both sides.
It's the nature of the beast, but it's all we have.
For instance:
When that couple in Florida got caught taping the phone call of
Newt plotting his revenge strategy, (when he promised he wouldn't)
Rush went crazy with the "crime" of taping someone who is
broadcasting a conversation, for Koresh's sake.
Nevermind that Newt was caught red-handed breaking his word,
it's the "ILLEGAL TAPING" that we should all focus on.
To this day, I can't see why it's illegal to go to Radio Shack
and buy a scanner/recorder and turn the son-of-a-bitch on.
Newt was BROADCASTING his crime.
Yet...
Yet...
Yet when Tripp betrays a young skull of mush, when Tripp records Monica's
inner-most personal fantasies
for all America to single-mindedly obsess over, there's nooooooooo
need to worry about illegal taping.
This is too goddamn important to worry about the law.
After all, we're talking about Clinton's cock!!
We're OUTRAGED by illegal taping on Mondays and Thursdays,
but it's just fine with us on Tuesdays and Fridays.
That's the way it goes in today's whore-driven America.
Are there any readers out there from Harlem?
Here at the RL-LNW home office were getting faxes from people saying
they sometimes see
Clarence "Slappy" Thomas singing Kareoke in a Bi-Gay bar in Harlem
on weeknights.
Can anybody confirm?
The faxes are pretty wild.
They say he does a whole bawdy act in a bright green dress and, of course,
his sombrero,
along with what appears to be the same boa constricter once owned by
Gennifer Flowers.
The routine closes with everybody joinging in as Slappy sings a rousing
version of "I'm a Fudge Judge."
If you have any information about this, please contact us.
A photo of Slappy in the sombrero gets you $2000.
We Get Letters
From: RidensM@whiteoaksemi.com
Dear BartCop,
Once again I find your blind-to-the-facts commentary
interesting and
would enjoy an opportunity to mention a few things
to you. I only hope you
are as willing to listen to other ideas as you
are to having the government
force diversity on all of us.
First the facts,
Mena-gate: The reason no evidence has
surfaced is Judge Howard did not allow it.
Look into Reed v. Young case LRC 94-634 and his
ruling on 3/8/96.
So, the crooked judges are covering for Clinton?
How much of this crap do you buy?
Falwell says Clinton made $100,000,000 PER MONTH from the Mena airport.
You buy that?
Or is Falwell lying?
Besides, if Mena is true, then Reagan/Butch should be tried
for treason for allowing Ollie North to run cocaine thru Mena.
China-gate: You are right. Bill Clinton
changes what he stands for more often than his underwear.
There is no reason why we should assume millions
of dollars in illegal foreign contributions had anything
to do with his flip-flop over Taiwan, satellites
or foreign policy. He just ignores their atrocities and behaves
like they're his old friends because he likes
them.
Shut up about his trip. All he did was talk and
I will be the first to admit he is very good at that.
Show me any action he has taken then I'll listen.
Now you're starting to go off the deep end.
Everyone admits BC's China policy is the same as RR/Butch.
They're just mad that Clinton spoke of it publically.
Don't you watch the talk shows?
Clinton is showing China that they'll be better off trading with us
than trying to kill us.
It's called capitalism.
The remarkable thing about the press is how many
allegations
against Clinton never make it into the press.
ha ha
Are you saying you know of an unspoken allegation against Bill
Clinton?
We've seen hundreds of wild, wild, wild accusations that ALWAYS turn
up nothing.
If there's anything of substance, why haven't your boys brought it
up?
There are literally dozens of people, I know of,
who have had
their lives trampled by this power hungry criminal.
Horseshit
I don't believe you.
Since you know of "dozens," name a few.
Not a one of them wants a book deal or any money.
"None of them wants any money." Did you really say that?
They just want justice but they can't get a liberal reporter or a liberal judge to hear their case.
So, why don't they go to a right-wing reporter?
Have you ever heard of Fox News?
Why don't they show the evidence to a right-wing judge?
Linda Trip - are you surprised her fingerprints
are all over the talking points documents?
Dolt, she was given them to read and supposedly
follow.
Yep, one of us is crazy.
Re-read what I said: Her "literal" fingerprints are there.
I said she shaped the talking points herself, not that her greasy fingers
left their mark.
As to who should be running this country.
Most conservatives I know are not prone to name
calling, unlike our
emotional liberal friends, and would never call
anyone a nigger-lover.
You should read my mail.
That Lincoln-hater from last issue is a perfect
example.
"Pro-rape" was the NICEST thing he said about
Lincoln,
and you think there are no extremists on your
side?
Do you deny that the KKK and the like are conservatives?
In fact, the last thing that crosses most of our
minds is race when dealing with an individual.
Our liberal friends, however, bring it up all
the time.
Now who is the real racist?
That's easy.
YOUR side is.
Why is there only one black Republican in congress?
Let me guess: "It's a coincidence?"
Or, "The GOP is so colorblind, they never really noticed?"
Conservatives are for less government.
Answer this:
Are you for less government when it comes to:
1. A woman's right to choose
2. School prayer
3. The anti-flag burning amendment
4. Smoking pot
5. Howard Stern's language
You see?
In all 5 cases, you want big government to rise up and take control
out of the people's hands.
There's another dozen examples I could give.
Admit it - you want MORE federal control, ...at least in these five
cases, right?)
If you believe minority people are incapable of
making it on their own, without government handouts,
then you have proven who the real racists are!
Sure, there's still discrimination in this country but it really
doesn't affect the vast majority of normal, hard-working,
intelligent people.
You're right.
Discrimination doesn't affect the majority.
If the right-wing didn't hate minorities so much, we wouldn't need
affirmative action programs.
Your understanding of the Bible could use some
help too. I love my God
with all my heart, soul and mind. That does not
cause me to bow down to
Him but rather, to behave in a way which I hope
will not offend him.
You don't believe in the First Commandment?
And you call yourself a Christian?
I agree the righteous, zealots who would like
to force their will on the rest of us are a real pain.
But there really are very few of those.
Maybe, but those "very few" control the GOP primaries.
Don't you know how your party works?
I do not understand how you can be proud of someone
who is breaking the
law, but I guess it helps me understand your
undying loyalty to Clinton.
Who broke a law?
If Clinton did, why can't Kenny find any proof?
If Clinton did, why couldn't D'Amato find any proof?
If Clinton did, why couldn't Fred Thompson find any proof?
If Clinton did, why couldn't Dan Burton find any proof?
That "proof" obstacle stops you every time, doesn't it?
Are you aware the same judge that let Susan McDougal
and Jim Guy Tucker off for
supposed medical reasons put Jim McDougal in
jail when he was on his deathbed.
The only difference being Jim M. was cooperating
with Starr and the other two
were either breaking the law in not cooperating
or very forgetful.
Can you spell CORRUPTION?
Sure, I can spell "black helicopter," too, but that doesn't mean they're
coming to get me.
There are over 100,00 files of evidence in the
House Government Oversight Committee's database
on Clinton. This committee has both republicans
and democrats on it. If you think accusing somone
of child rape with no evidence would be the same
thing then, well frankly, I'm not surprised to hear
that from a liberal. The only problem with this
whole thing is Congress is sitting on their thumbs waiting
for Starr when there is no reason why they should.
I think your man will get off.
Not because he is innocent, but because he is
very powerful. That scares me in America.
The child-rape thing wasn't real.
It shows how awful things can get when there's no evidence required
to slur a man to fucking death.
If you had an inkling of history you would know
Reagan's supply side economics are still in effect.
Name one thing Clinton has changed.
Reagan brought us war and recession.
Clinton gave us peace and prosperity.
America likes Clinton better.
Congress is in charge of spending and it was liberal democrat through and through back then.
So, the liberals killed communism?
Reagan didn't build up the military?
Tip O'Neil and Tom Foley killed communism?
You see how trapped you are?
The people who bankrupted America are the ones who beat the Russians.
Decide who that is in your reply back, OK?
I could go on and shred everything else in your
little newsletter but
knowing how liberals love diversity as long as
it isn't diversity of ideas
I imagine you probably deleted this email after
the reading the first line.
Or, you could shred one thing, and gain my respect.
I must say, your letter had good spelling and grammer and was relatively
hate-free.
For that, I applaud you.
Are you sure you're a conservative?
I doubt you would ever have the guts to publish
this or to discuss any of the matters I've presented
without distorting them and lying about them.
Sure there are crazy conservatives and those are the
only ones you would have your followers find
out about.
There you go again.
This is a Rush Limba magazine.
Rush says liberals only want to destroy America.
Rush says liberals dance when they hear a woman has had an abortion.
Rush says liberals enjoy seeing the crucifix put in urine,
...and you think maybe I'm slanting the facts a little?
Remember, there are also crazy liberals, the problem is they happen to be your leaders.
You forget which side of the slur you're on.
Half the time you say "Clinton stole all our ideas," the other half
of the time you say he's a crazy liberal.
Which is true?
Happy Trails,
Martin G. Ridens
Marty, (Can I call you Marty?)
Remember:
The Tim McVeighs are on YOUR side.
Pat Schroeder is on our side.
The militia nuts are on YOUR side.
Jesse Jackson is on our side.
The clinic bombers are on YOUR side.
The NOW gang is on our side.
The KKK is on YOUR side.
The politically correct crowd in on our side.
I like the side I'm on.
...you like the side you're on?
BartCop
PS. It was tough, but I finally got the guts to print your letter.
This is the "windbag" version of RL-LNW Volume 124.
Those of you who can get e-mail might want the consensed,
lower-boots version-of-bullshit edition by subscribing directly.
This Exclusive
brought to you by RL-LNW magazine
More Troubles for Kenneth Starr
RL-LNW Magazine has learned the reasons behind the discrepancies concerning
the
infamous "talking points," and it's more bad news for Kenneth Starr.
My sources in Washington say there are two versions of the talking points.
Linda Tripp told Lucianne Goldberg that Monica gave her a secret list
of talking points
to memorize before they were scheduled to testify in the Paula Jones
civil suit depositions.
Goldberg asked what the talking points were and Tripp told Goldberg
she no longer had
the originals, but that "she was pretty sure she could remember most
of them."
Tripp related the talking points "as best she could remember"
to Goldberg, who wrote down every word Linda said.
Goldberg told her to try to find the original list.
Tripp never did find the original papers, so she sat down and
re-created the list with more detail than she gave Goldberg.
You know what this means?
Po' Kenny's got two lists of talking points.
One list with Lucianne Goldberg's prints only, and a second list with
Linda Tripp's fingerprints - only.
Monica's prints are on neither copy.
Can anybody get word to Monica?
Monica - Hang in there!
Monica, Po' Kenny has nothing but the scumbag tapes and
two witnesses with the credibility of a San Quentin snitch.
Just stick by your original deposition, and Bill will marry you in 2002.
E-mail Bartcop