All the
president's fantasies
by Joe Conason
Excerpt:
What was notable about George W. Bush's
second inaugural speech was how he veered between
the desultory and the delusional. Reciting the
painfully crafted words of his speechwriters without passion,
the president sounded oddly unmoved by their
skyscraping rhetoric -- which, for roughly 20 minutes,
encouraged us to soar above the bloody troubles
of our "reality-based" world.
Now, there is nothing wrong with a ceremonial
interlude of inspirational escapism every four years, even if
the delivery falls flat. And there is nothing
wrong with appealing to humanity's shared aspiration for liberty.
Besides, these are traditions to be upheld. Like
many of his predecessors, Bush clearly believes that on such
a formal and solemn occasion, world-historical
figures such as he should attempt high-flown and florid phrases
that will echo in eternity. Or something like
that. Anyway, specifics are a downer.
Mentioning Iraq by name, for instance, would have
bummed out his cheering Republican audience, clapping
their gloved hands in the frozen capital. So
instead he referred to the "tens of millions [who] have achieved
their freedom" because "we have acted."
Subject: Bush says "prefer their chains?"
Hi Bart,
Excuse me, but didn't the spiritual fathers
of GW and his merry crew make deals with
every tinpot dictator in the world?
Don't they prop up and make sweet love to the Saudi princes,
the most female repressive regime on the
planet? A place where girls can be forced back into
a burning building because they aren't
wearing proper headgear?
Who the hell is Bush kidding, aside from a handful of morons?
Keep hammering!
MadSatyrist
Subject: Bartcop sign on Chinese website
..
Btw, my sister is in China teaching English
and she said
your site is blocked from their "internets"
at the cafes.
Peace,
~mawmp
Quotes
"President Bush has built up enough experience
... in the past four years,
so I expect he will continue
to actively contribute to world peace and
stability under international co-ordination."
-- Prime Minister Junichiro Koizumi, Bush's prison
bitch in Japan Attribution
Daddy's
boy to step down as Nation's nanny
Michael Powell can't stand the heat without Daddy's help
Excerpt:
America's nanny, Michael K. Powell announced
Friday he is resigning from the FCC.
IN DAD'S FOOTSTEPS: Powell is son of Colin
Powell (R-Liar-Murderer) who also is leaving.
THE LEGACY: Powell tackled complex issues ranging
from telephone competition to rules for media ownership.
Still, he is perhaps best known for overseeing
a dramatic crackdown on broadcast freedom.
Fines for programming he didn't care for exceeded
$7.7 million in 2004, a huge increase from
the $48,000 imposed the year before Powell became
chairman.
Goodbye, you self-reighteous little bastard.
Better luck at your next Daddy-appointed job,
you gutless coward.
Quotes
"Clinton appeased; Clinton tried to make friends;
Clinton wanted everybody to like him;
Clinton did what the left always wants
everybody to do, and you know what we got for it?
We got a burning hole in Manhattan
where 3,000 people went to work one morning!"
--Rush Limbaugh, putting
Bush's ship sinkage on the previous captain, while trying to
convince
his Monkeys that you can make more friends with fear than being nice
Attribution
Twin
Attacks in Iraq Kill at Least 21
More proof that freedom is on the march in Iraq
Highlights:
A car bomb exploded outside a Shiite mosque
packed with worshippers celebrating a
major Muslim holiday Friday, and a suicide
driver blew up an ambulance at the wedding
of a Shiite couple south of the capital.
At least 21 people died and dozens were wounded.
How does the government call for holding
elections at a time when it cannot protect places
of worship in the country?" Sheikh Mahmoud
al-Sumaidei asked. "It is important to have a
country free from occupation forces before
holding elections. Then the elections will become
an Iraqi demand rather than a foreign demand
and at that point we can choose our leaders."
.
Comments?
Protesting the Murder Monkey in Ames, Iowa
A
Bunch of Krabby Patties
by Herr Dragoness Doud
Excerpt:
It took Dr. James Dobson, the conservative
Christian leader and gay marriage opponent, who claims
the president's re-election was more a
mandate for his ideas than George Bush's, to point out the insidious
underside of the popular cartoon character
SpongeBob SquarePants. It takes a sponge to brainwash a child.
Holy Abe! Dr. Dobson outed SpongeBob at
a black-tie inaugural fete last week for members of Congress
and political allies. He said that a "pro-homosexual
video" - starring SpongeBob, Barney, Jimmy Neutron,
Winnie the Pooh, Kermit the Frog and Miss
Piggy - was set to go to elementary schools to promote a
"tolerance pledge," including tolerance for differences
of "sexual identity."
Hoppin' clams, as they say in Bikini Bottom,
the den of epicene iniquity where SpongeBob lives.
Nothing good can come of tolerance.
Dan Martinsen, a spokesman for Nickelodeon,
where SpongeBob beats the pants off the competition,
was flummoxed: "It's a sponge, for crying
out loud. He has no sexuality."
Subject: bartcop signs on Yahoo
..
This isn't the photo from your site, but
this one from Yahoos list
clearly has bartcop.com
at the bottom of the "War Starts with W" sign.
Great job!
carl
Carl, all praise goes to Chicago Jim, Kronos, Surreal Neil, Don, Super_Steve and Russ.
Subject: Jenna Bush killed
Dear Bartcop,
Thank you for letting us imagine a situation
where Jenna Bush herself is killed overseas.
Lately, I can't imagine how angry I would
be to have a loved one killed there and then see
all of Bush's smirking, preening and stubborn
refusal to change anything.
I mean, he should at least look CONCERNED
and serious!
I've often thought we would see a totally
different expression on his face if he
had somebody to risk there. I'll
be passing this one around.
Keep up the great work.
Debbie
Milwaukee
More from Ames, Iowa
It looks cold...
Female Judge Throws Out Nevada Anti-Lap-Dance Law
Excerpt:
A Las Vegas law prohibiting strippers from
fondling customers during lap dances is unconstitutionally vague,
a judge ruled. District Court Judge Sally
Loehrer affirmed a lower court ruling that as many as five misdemeanor
criminal cases filed against Las Vegas
strippers should be dismissed.
Friday's ruling affects only dancers within
city limits. The Clark County Commission in 2002 limited touching between
strippers and patrons during private lap
dances, specifically barring strippers from touching or sitting on the
customer's genital area.
But the municipal code was not as specific,
saying only that strippers and their patrons should not "fondle" or "caress"
each other.
City attorneys told Loehrer touching is
illegal when dancers engage in contact aimed at sexually arousing the customer.
But defense lawyer James Colin argued the
lack of specifics makes it impossible to enforce the law.
"It's too confusing," Colin said. "No one knows."
Under Loehrer's ruling, no dancer in the city can be arrested for violating the municipal code.
connie, don, jay, and shawn with the dolly after most of the posters had been passed out!
Subject: your radio show
Bart,
We listened to our first Bartcop radio
show while watching the Bush
coronation with the TV sound off. They
fit together really well.
We think you have a good voice for radio
and that maybe your
show should be on the regular broadcast.
You could be the Anti-Rush!
Thanks again!
Guy
Four more years of this Monkey?
On Television, Torture Takes a Holiday
Excerpt:
But a not-so-funny thing happened to the
Graner torture case on its way to trial.
Since the early bombshells from Abu Ghraib
last year, the torture story has all but vanished from television,
even as there have been continued revelations
in the major newspapers and magazines like The New Yorker,
The New York Review of Books and Vanity
Fair. If a story isn't on TV in America, it doesn't exist in our
culture...
History tells us that in these cases a
reckoning always arrives, and Mr. Danner imagines that "in five years,
or maybe
sooner, there will be a TV news special
called 'Torture: How Did It Happen?' " Even though much of the script
can
be written now, we will all be sure to
express great shock."
The whole world knows that the only superpower has become a drunken
bully,
torturing people for sport, just to set an example for other
would-be challengers.
When will America become a country people respect again?
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