This is nothing...
Well, Clinton gave his big speech.
"I failed to volunteer information."
Ha ha ha
That's perfect.
I was real happy with the President's "coming clean,"
but the GOFP wanted him to break down and do a complete
Jimmy Swaggert-style grovelfest.
They wanted to see him cry and beg for mercy, so they could
whine about how weak he's made America look.
Last week, I sent e-mail to the White House suggesting the
president might say something like:
"While I testified truthfully, I may have allowed the grand jury
to come to a conclusion that wasn't quite accurate.
I admit that."
Ha ha.
Looks like he might've read my e-mail.
What a speech.
First, James Carville and Traitor Dee Dee Myers predict
that Clinton will come out shamed and diminutive.
Then Clinton comes on and says "Hey, Kenny - Eat Me."
I liked it.
THIS is a Harold Ickes-influenced Clinton.
Harold Ickes is BartCop with an education.
But, my poor heart is breaking (sniff)
...for the we-never-learn Republicans.
Remember OJ paying $30,000,000 for them Ugly Ass shoes?
Kenny the Pooh paid $50,000,000 for a blow job,
and he never even got it wet, ha ha.
Po' Kenny picked all the cotton,
and Bill Clinton got all the orgasms.
Monday had to be the worse day in media history.
Every half hour, they counted down the minutes to
"the testimony that would shake America's foundation."
At least my La-Z-Boy was shaking, as I laughed.
Every fifteen minutes, some breathless newsbabe would
remind us that "America's Hour of Decision" was near.
Yeah, right.
It was more important that D-Day and Hiroshima combined.
After all, this was about Bill Clinton's penis.
What could be more important than that?
The Second Coming won't get this much coverage.
The whores played this ominous music with the bell tolling
like Clinton's execution was about to be televised.
CNN had a constant clock onscreen, counting the minutes
the president had been testifying, as tho THAT was relevant.
They also had a sign on-screen that said "Status: Testifying."
They should've had a sign saying "Whores R Us."
The donkey-sheep AM station nearest the LNW home offices said,
"It's 2:01, the president has been testifying for an hour and
two minutes," which means Clinton started at 12:59, instead if 1 PM.
What a headline: "Clinton Testifies Early."
The press whores admit they make too much of this, then a
non-event happens and they make too much of it again.
Larry (8-wives) King's show was just a two-hour commercial for CNN.
"Let's go to Wolf Blitzer for BREAKING NEWS!"
Then Blitzer would re-cap the non-events of the day.
These whores should unionize.
Larry, thirty seconds before the speech, kept asking
"What do YOU think he's he going to say?"
Hey, Larry!
Shut the fuck up and turn Clinton's mic up, for Koresh's sake.
Larry: "Let's go to Bobby Blowdry for ANOTHER breaking story."
Bobby Blowdry says the president is relieved it's over.
"Back to you, Larry."
CNN even unveiled their newest network: CPNN.
The Clinton Penis News Network.
George Will was whining that he was missing a baseball game.
Hey George, GO to the goddamn ballgame.
You can read what happened in RL-LNW.
Channel surfing, I noticed ABC stayed with the football game.
But where was Frank Gifford?
Oh, that's right.
He was fired for cheating on his wife.
Frank, you didn't save America from the Reagan error,
so we can't forgive you, ha ha.
Still surfing,
I see Orrin (My-Jesus-is-better-than-your-Jesus) Hatch.
Hatch was angry as hell that Clinton didn't cry.
Hatch said: "I can't speak for every citizen, but I don't
think the average man in Utah believed him tonight."
Maybe not, Orrin, but his wives probably bought it.
(snicker)
For weeks, Hatch has been saying, "If Clinton would just
admit it, we can go forward with running this country."
So, Clinton admits the blow job, and Hatch is madder than ever.
Hey, Orrin.
Tell your laundry man you want even MORE starch in your collar.
I think the funniest part was when Bill said,
"I misled people, including, most of all, my wife.
I DEEPLY regret that."
Ha ha, we understand Bill.
Don't worry - now you're eligible to join the Promise Keepers.
Funny, Bill McCartney goes from town to town filling stadiums
with men who've cheated on their wives. The Promise Keepers have
no trouble finding 50,000 Christians in EVERY CITY that have
cheated on their wives, but we should dump the best president
we've ever had because he had a fling with Monica?
What would Jesus do?
Just guessing, but I'll bet Jesus would forgive the sinner
and go on about catching some fish or creating some wine.
Funny, the "Christians" won't do that.
You know who had a bad week?
Fatty Feedbag Limba.
You can always tell he's hurting when his voice gets REAL high.
He knows, after five years of digging, this is ALL they have.
Five years and $50,000,000 and they found a blow job.
Poor Rush.
He kept getting his personal slurs mixed up again.
Within the same five minutes, he said:
- Clinton owes an apology to his staff for FORCING them to
go out there day after day and make total and complete fools
of themselves after he misled them...
but, minutes later...
- This came as NO SURPRISE to Clinton's staff.
They KNEW he was a defective, lying sexual predator/monster.
They KNEW what they were signing up for when they agreed
to work for him, so they're just as guilty as he is.
Pigboy, pick a slur and stick with it, OK?
The worst part about Rush these days is he's got NOTHING to say.
He has about 15 minutes of material, and he just keeps repeating
the same things over and over and over and over and over.
I'm sure he'd say it's because so many people can only hear him
for a few minutes each day, so he has to repeat a lot,
but this hasn't been a problem for him in the past.
Rush, if you can't think of anything to say, take more calls.
Everytime Pigboy opens his mouth to slur somebody, RL-LNW gets
a little better. But if he's just going to repeat the same twenty
sentences over and over and over and over, it's going to be
harder and harder to ridicule his nazi ass.
Oh, Koresh!
NOW they want to nail Clinton for illegally wearing a tie?
You know who comes out of this looking good?
The Supreme Court and their wisdom.
(heavy sarcasm)
It was a GREAT idea to allow bimbo-whores to drag our president
into court with no-proof accusations to get this ball rolling.
Give me 5 years and $50,000,000 and I'll convict anyone,
Billy Graham, the Pope, Barney the Dinosaur - anybody.
My personal candidate for 2000, John Ashcroft was the best.
"He needs to provide more details about what he did with Monica."
Now, you can't tell anyone this, but...
The White House has given me a transcript of one rendezvous.
If John Ashcroft (R-Hardon) asks for these intimate details
one more time, I'm going to test the boundaries of good taste
and Internet censorship and print the details of one of these
encounters just so Ashcroft can get his goddamn rocks off.
Koresh, it won't be pretty, but maybe Ashcroft can use the
details to satisfy himself sexually.
Hey John, according to Clarence "Slappy" Thomas, pepper helps!
Maybe the GOFP's problem is that they're so repressed sexually,
they can only have orgasms vicariously through Clinton's penis.
Vern, that's a strange way to get off, Mr. Ashcroft.
But, ...the next time we hear you whining about your extreme need
to hear more intimate details about Clinton's penis, we'll do a
special sex-ed issue for you and put "John Ashcroft" in the title
and we'll have us a corker that's SURE to get you off, John.
That way, anyone who puts "Ashcroft" in Yahoo's search engine
will get the juicy details Ashcroft craves soooo badly.
We're serious about this.
Ashcroft is a sexually-repressed, religio-wacko running for president.
The next time he demands the FULL Monica story with each and every detail,
we're going to test the RL-LNW publisher's faith in the First Amendment,
...and HE'S running for Congress.
Lastly, the missle attacks.
Jesse Helms, Snoot and Armey the foul-mouthed Dick
allllllll said striking back was the right thing to do.
How did the Slur Factory see it?
"All Clinton managed to do was start a war."
You see, in Rush Limba's America,
you REWARD terrorists with missles, then lie about it,
then stonewall the requests for an explanation,
then illegally cover up all the facts you can,
then when all that fails, you pardon the criminals.
That's Rush Limba's America.
Rush - I'd Like to take him hunting...
This just in...
CNN reports Monica has been ARRESTED by the I.R.S.
Looks like the lovely Monica has been hiding money.
The I.R.S. found a wad of Bill's in her blue cocktail dress.
Jonathan Fick - I accidentally erased your e-mail.
Please re-send.
It was good.
I want to answer.
Wednesday, there's a RUMOR going 'round,
that Starr has Harold Ickes by the shorthairs.
Ha ha
Where can I place a bet?
Ickes doesn't HAVE to be nice, like Clinton does.
They don't WANT anymore of Harold Ickes.
If Starr goes after Ickes, there will be blood.
Ickes-Starr will be a LOT shorter fight than Clinton-Starr.
We're talking first or second round knockout.
Ickes doesn't have to be nice.
For this fight, I'd like to be Ickes's cut man.
In order for the GOFP to get Clinton to admit to something,
they had to be in a position for Kenneth Starr''s staff to have:
-unlimited money,
-unlimited time,
-unlimited subpeona power,
-unlimited scope in their search,
-unlimited power to threaten prison time for those who refused
to say the things Kenny WANTS them to say.
Koresh, the president doesn't have this much power.
All the president can do is suggest people for positions,
then the Cro-Mags make an excuse why he/she won't do.
Kenny the Pooh has more power than Stalin.
Once they had this unprecedented power,
all they had to do to get Clinton once and for all was to dig and
dig and dig and dig and dig and dig and dig and dig and dig and
dig and dig and dig and dig and dig and dig and dig and dig and
dig and dig and dig and dig and dig and dig and dig and dig and
dig and dig and dig and dig and dig and dig and dig and dig and
dig and dig and dig and dig and dig and dig and dig and dig and
dig and dig and dig and dig and dig and dig and dig and dig and
dig and dig and dig and dig and dig and dig and dig and dig and
dig and dig and dig and dig and dig and dig and dig and dig and
dig and dig and dig and dig and dig and dig and dig and dig and
dig and dig and dig and dig and dig and dig and dig and dig and
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dig and dig and dig and dig and dig and dig and dig and dig and
dig and dig and dig and dig and dig and dig and dig and dig and
dig and dig and dig and dig and dig and dig and dig and dig and
dig and dig and dig and dig and dig and dig and dig and dig and
dig and dig and dig and dig and dig and dig and dig and dig and
dig and dig and dig and dig and dig and dig and dig and dig and
dig and dig and dig and dig and dig and dig and dig and dig and
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dig and dig and dig and dig and dig and dig and dig and dig and
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dig and dig and dig and dig and dig and dig and dig and dig and
dig and dig and dig and dig and dig and dig and dig and dig and
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dig and dig and dig and dig and dig and dig and dig and dig and
dig and dig and dig and dig and dig and dig and dig and dig and
dig and dig and dig and dig and dig and dig and dig and dig and
dig and dig and dig and dig and dig and dig and dig and dig and
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dig and dig and dig and dig and dig and dig and dig and dig and
dig and dig and dig and dig and dig and dig and dig and dig and
dig and dig and dig and dig and dig and dig and dig and dig and
dig and dig and dig and dig and dig and dig and dig and dig and
dig and dig and dig and dig and dig and dig and dig and dig and
dig and dig and dig and dig and dig and dig and dig and dig and
dig and dig and dig and dig and dig and dig and dig and dig and
dig and dig and dig and dig and dig and dig and dig and dig and
dig and dig and dig and dig and dig and dig and dig and dig and
dig and dig and dig and dig and dig and dig and dig and dig and
dig and dig and dig and dig and dig and dig and dig and dig and
dig and dig and dig and dig and dig and dig and dig and dig and
dig and dig and dig and dig and dig and dig and dig and dig and
dig and dig and dig and dig and dig and dig and dig and dig and
dig and dig and dig and dig and dig and dig and dig and dig and
dig and dig and dig and dig and dig and dig and dig and dig and
dig and dig and dig and dig and dig and dig and dig and dig and
dig and dig and dig and dig and dig and dig and dig and dig and
...until they finally find somebody they could break.
I wonder how almighty-principled Hatch and Ashcroft would feel
if THEIR parents were going to jail if they refused to play ball.
Once the Tobacco lawyer had this much power, the power of an
all-intrusive government to get inside Bill Clinton's bedroom,
to get between Bill Clinton and his Secret Service detail,
to get between Bill Clinton and his attorney-client priviledge,
to get between Bill Clinton and his Executive priviledge,
to get between Bill Clinton and his closest political advisors,
they finally were able to catch him having sex.
Goddamn, I love this country.
You may not believe this, but there was a time, years ago,
when the Republicans claimed they wanted LESS government.
Seriously, that was once their stated position.
I am not kidding.
But since they want to reverse the last two elections,
they cheered the monsterously-intrusive federal government
as it crashed into a law-abiding citizen's bedroom.
That's a fucking outrage.
Then, when asked about the affair publically,
the gentleman had the GALL to deny he was screwing her.
In this country, we HANG people who commit bedroom crimes.
This is America.
This is what we do.
This is what we stand for.
Fuck privacy.
Fuck individual rights.
If Kenny says he needs to know...
Well, then, ...Kenny needs to know.
Kenny gets what he wants, goddammit.
When David Koresh was raping wives and children in Waco,
the GOFP said "big government was butting in."
When Randy Weaver was selling illegal sawed-off shotguns,
the GOFP said "big government was butting in."
But Bill Clinton might've had sex with a woman.
We'd better get out our superior, hollier-than-Koresh attitudes
and point our collective fingers at Bill Clinton.
Fuck him.
Fuck Bill Clinton's rights.
Clinton saved the American economy,
and he gave us peace and prosperity,
but fuck Bill Clinton.
He's not even a Second Amendment Nut.
Why should HE have any rights?
He didn't sell any illegal guns,
so why should HE get protection from the Constitution?
As soon as this is over, the GOFP will admit this nightmare
should never be repeated and they'll change these OIC laws.
But right now, they looooooooooooove big government.
This just in...
CNN reports the semen on the dress is Buddy's.
Monica!
How COULD you?
Monkey Mail
From: 5011.2309@trader.com
Subject: you make me puk
All are is a person with absolutely no values and probally
living off the goverment you do nog but slam people with morals
while our lieing President runs our countries and ethics in
the ground these ar e all things that you've heard before so I
know you do not care. losers likeyou make me PUK!!!!
Mike Diamon
By the way...
There's a reason this newsletter has the name it has.
This isn't "Bill Clinton - Boy Scout of Celibacy."
This is Rush Limba - Lying, Nazi Whore.
Words mean things.
You know...
The GOFP would have you believe if Bill Clinton would
just confess to every charge ever leveled against him,
and resign and commit suicide, all would be lovely
and we'd have a nice, friendly nation once again.
They are lying.
If Bill Clinton were to spontaneously combust, the GOFP would just
get out their Windows 98 and search their documents for the word
"Clinton" and hit "File," then "Replace" then write "Gore" in the
box, hit "Enter" and fire up the GOFP hate machine and start the
entire cycle of hate all over again against President Al Gore.
Somehow, the Supreme Court would rule all President's rights are
rescinded and Reno would appoint a goon squad to check into every
person in Tennessee who ever smoked a cigarette and have them
sue our new president for civil damages,
one by fucking one,
since it's now legal, fun and proper to overrule the voters and
tie him up with bought-and-paid-for civil ligitation, until the
special prosecutor can spread around his unlimited money and
subpeona power until he's able to scare someone into "saving" their
parents from dying in prison, thereby getting their cooperation,
and memorizing the script handed them by Kenny the Pooh.
Then, they will attempt to impeach President Gore.
Were we invaded?
Did we lose a war?
Why are elections no longer honored in America?
Sources tell RL-LNW that Monica wants to learn to read and write
so she can help "the smart people" write her biography.
"How I Earned My Kneepads" is due Nov 1.
Ashcroft wants a congressional inquiry into Johnny Quest.
He says Race Banyon and Dr. Quest are "too close."
He says Johnny Quest, "learned" homosexuality from his dad,
and then picked up Hadji in a gay bar in Calcutta.
Ashcroft says "this means everything to America's future."
Paid for by the Ashcroft for President Committee.
Now, the F.B.I. says they have analyzed the semen stain.
They know it came from an Arkansas man, but that doesn't help
because all the DNA in Arkansas is the same, right?
Hillary was right about the Arkansas prejudice.
From: Linton
>Bartcopman,
>Let me say that I agree with ya on many things.
>Unfortunately, Billy "where mah pants at, baby" Clinton's
>sainthood is not one of them.
Sainthood?
Which newsletter said that?
>Let me call your attention to an excerpt from Vol #106.
]]Either Clinton is guilty,
]]and he's soooo much smarter than the spiteful, drunken,
]]knuckle-dragging Republican apes,
or
]]He's innocent, and the GOP is guilty of nothing more than
]]exercizing their constitutional oversight responsibilities.
]]It's YOUR decision, GOP, but we want it NOW!
]]Well?
]]Clinton is innocent, or the Republicans
]]are too stupid to tie their fucking shoes.
>Ouch.
I see no ouch there.
The words say "It's YOUR decision, GOP, but we want it NOW!"
It's no fair to wait until AFTER the boxing match,
and then say "I knew all along he was going to win."
Nobody took that dare because they were afraid.
They were stuck.
>Choose?
>I'd have to say that Clinton is not innocent, but that he
>is stupid enough to get caught playing hide the sausage
>with a 20 year old moron.
I agree.
It was hugely stupid.
Bill Clinton got where he was by taking risks,
but this one wasn't necessary.
He was doing this while Kenny was in Arkansas,
spreading money around, digging for sex dirt on him.
Insanity on Clinton's part.
>"I did not have sexual relations with that woman, Miss Lewinsky"
>This one's gotta hurt, bartman.
>Bold-faced lie.
>Big bold-faced lie. No way around it.
Sure, now everyone now knows he lied.
But he didn't lie about selling weapons to terrorists.
He didn't pardon a gaggle of felons to hide the truth.
He lied about a blow job.
Who tells the truth about a blow job?
Surely not Snoot Gingrich.
>Limba the Fart Sniffer is gonna have a field day with this.
>I hope you got something in your bag-o-tricks for ish 125.
Screw Pigboy.
I wonder...
Why didn't Carville get a subpoena?
What's Poor Kenny afraid of?
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