Attention,
Aufmerksamkeit,
Attenzione,
Wakedafukupp,
Atención
Achtung
To HEAR this issue of RL-LNW:
Go to Http://www2.nease.net/sound95.html
Download a program called wtalktry.exe
It's a pretty small file, 1.7 meg or so.
Only takes about 7 minutes to DL with a decent modem.
Double-click the .exe file, open it up and
it will read text out loud to you.
It'll read anything that's open - any web page, any document,
The Bible, text files, pornography, ...anything you tell it to.
Have it read you some of the wacky stuff on http://www.ctyme.com
or the Smudge Report or CNN or USA Today - anything.
Plus, you can pick from about 8 different voices.
(Be sure to choose "Harry" to read you your RL-LNW.)
This means you can sit down at your computer, dial up your
bartcop.com webpage or your e-mail RL-LNW,
click on your wtalktry and then minimize it when it starts.
As you go about your business computing,
the program will read your LNW to you.
Now, blind people can appreciate every issue of LNW.
It's Huuuuuuuuge!
(If you have that program turned on for this next bit,
it'll be a lot funnier, trust me.)
Welcome to a Hueueueueueueueuege issue of RL-LNW.
We've got a lot of big, big dynamite packed into a small space.
We've got a little of everything in this issue.
...and what we DO have is Hueueueueueueuege!
It's not comedy.
It's not serious.
It's something your kids like a lot,
but never, ever let your parents see it,
because it's Hueueueueueueueuege.
We have new, killer-fun software you can download,
we offer FREE advice for the GOFP, and you know what?
It's Hueueueueueueueuge!
We catch Rush lying several times, which is normal and we
salute Bob Dole's courage, and give you new product updates.
It's so Hueueueueueueueuege, we should be charging you to read
it!
ha ha
We have another Super Bowl Party at Doc Meng's expense.
It's the best one yet!
It's Hueueueueueueueuege!
Doc Meeeeeeeng,
Say it isn't so, Doc Meng.
Doc Meng.
How COULD yououououououououououou, Doc Meng?
We have a debate with a religi-nut.
It's a slam-dunk
but you might think it's Hueueueueueueueuege!
...and when you see what the title of this issue means,
it's REALLY going to blow the roof off the dump.
It's Hueueueueueueueuege!
In the last two weeks, Rush missed 5 of his lil' hate-radio
shows.
He came back last Thursday, but had to take off again Friday.
Our roving gay reporter, Matt Fudge, just called, saysing his
people
in Florida are buzzing about something that happened at the end of
November.
They say Limba was flown to Mt. Sinai General Hospital in
Boca Raton by a Florida Life-Flight emergency helicopter.
Here's another report coming in now...
Doctors at the Mt. Sinai emergency room refused to admit or
deny that they successfully removed three, live gerbils,
wrapped in tape, from the rectum of one R. Limbaugh,
citing privacy concerns for the "victim."
Hospital records obtained by RL-LNW indicate a credit card
used to pay for the helicopter was registered to the EIB Corp.
Mr. Limbaugh was accompanied to the hospital by an inter-racial
couple, a white man, Dornan Roberts and a large black woman in a
green dress and a yellow sombrero named Thomasina Clarence.
Butt...
After working one day, Rush played hookey again.
You know what that means...
They missed a gerbil.
Don't you love it when Mrs. Brady from the Brady Bunch
is on Politically Incorrect with Bill Maher?
She hates Clinton.
HATES HIM!
She wants to have Ken Starr's love child, which is her right.
I just figured Mrs. Brady for a human being.
...another BartCop error.
I have a question:
Suppose there was no Monica Lewinsky.
What would Po' Kenny's impeachment referral have looked like?
...and they say it's not about sex?
The Methane Factory has many, many character flaws.
One of his worst flaws is the way he takes every evil
slur against Clinton and elevates it to a FACT.
He also takes facts and pretends they don't exist.
Do I have any examples?
...thought you'd never ask.
It's a fact that Thomas Jefferson fathered at least one
child by a slave, Sally Hemmings, who's father was Jefferson's
wife's Dad. Jefferson was screwing his wife's half-sister.
Geneticists and medical science say that's a FACT.
Now, let's hear the Methane Factory's take on that fact:
"Oh, sure, in a lame attempt to claim
everybody
does it,
the Clinton apologists are claiming that
Jefferson
had
children by his slaves. They just want to
destroy all that's
good and decent in America by tearing down
the innocent."
A few days later...
"Oh, NOW they've changed their story.
Just
to make it worse,
NOW they're saying Jefferson RAPED this
slave."
-- Rush, hate radio, 11/18/98
Apparently, in the Truth Detector's history of America,
slaves had the freedom to tell their oversexed owners,
"not tonight, Massa. I have a headache."
Any sex between slave and owner is, by definition, rape.
But since Rush's talent is on loan from God,
it must me ol' BartCop who is mistaken here, right?
AUSTIN, Texas - Texas Gov. George W. Butch, fresh from a trip
to Israel, is trying to defuse a potential religious controversy
that could affect his run for the presidency in 2000.
Butch tried to soften remarks he made several years ago that
only
those who accepted Jesus Christ as their savior could go to heaven.
The comment was said to have offended Jews.
Duh...
"What I said is that my faith tells me
that
acceptance of
Jesus Christ as my savior is my salvation
and I believe I
made it clear that it is not the governor's
role to decide
who goes to heaven," he said.
Hmmmm....
I wonder if Karla Faye Tucker agrees with Gov. Butch?
I tried to contact her, but then I remembered that Butch had her
executed,
over the wishes of the victim's family and the Pope.
From: Anne
BartCop
A foot note on the whole Monica mess:
I heard Sally Quinn expressing her outrage at
Clinton.
Did anyone point out how she got to be Mrs. Ben
Bradlee?
She landed her boss by giving him "Monica" at
the office.
If Sally MUST comment on this ugly
matter, maybe
she should
confine herself to short sentences from the thong
perspective.
Anne
Great GOFP Quotes
"News and information in this country
has gone
crazy.
These days, most news and information
is presented in
such a way that the more vulgar, obscene
and glaring
it is, the more money it makes."
-- Doc Meng, 12/2/98
Hey, Doc Meng,
Are you talking about your show?
Or Pigboy's show?
Recently, a huge chunk of ice, bigger than the state of
Delaware broke off from the continent of Antarctica.
Yet, Rush says global warming is a liberal lie, established
as a power grab to deny freedom to REAL Americans.
So,
...it's Rush's position that Antarctica is melting
because the Earth is NOT getting warmer?
Dear Lord,
Please touch their eyes...
J.C. Watts Sr, Democrat and father of Uncle O.J. Watts,
recently had this to say:
"A black person voting Republican is
like a chicken voting for Colonel Sanders."
Dam I wished I can write that good.
The Fight Is On
"The BIG fight is on, and I won't be
sitting
quiet this time.
Ken Starr says he's cleared the
president
of Whitewater,
so what was I obstructing?"
-- Susan McDougal, innocent of all charges
At her next trial, she WILL be allowed to cross examine the "honorable" Kenneth Starr.
Memo to McDougal attorney Mark Geragos:
Please let me write a few questions for Ken Starr.
Please?
I have an idea for you GOFP nutcases:
Ask Clinton AGAIN if, under the definitions used by Paula
Jones's lawyers,
if he had "sexual relations" with Monica Lewinsky....then ask him 997
MORE times.
That way,
...you can say Clinton "lied" 1,000 times.
No charge, sheep.
Mike Espy, NOT GUILTY on all charges
We've talked about Mike Espy here at RL-LNW for two years.
Fascist America spent $17,000,000 chasing Espy because
he got free Cowboy tickets and a free ride to the game.
Hey Rush, who's money WAS that, Hmmmmmmmmmmm???????
Goddamn, I wish we had an election NEXT week, too.
Correction:
Last Issue, RL-LNW published the following:
>A cornerstone of BartCopism is "Equality for Minorities."
>Can the Fascists of the GOFP say the same?
>I don't think so.
>As recently as the 1990's, there were some counties in
Texas
>where the murder of a gay man wasn't even investigated.
We must clarify our mistake.
What we meant to say was:
There are still counties in Texas where the murders
of gay people have YET to be investigated.
...another BartCop error.
Saw The Godfather III again
It was a lot better than I remembered.
I saw it once before on Christmas Day 1993, was it?
What a movie.
There was murder.
There was mayhem.
There was Catholics.
There was incest.
There was blackmail.
There was Catholics.
There was bribery.
There was assassination.
There was Catholics.
There was back-stabbing.
There was more incest.
There was Catholics.
There was funny-money.
There was treachery.
There was Catholics.
...this bit goes on forever.
Bob Dole
Y'know, over the years I've given Dole a lot of crap,
but I have to give Dole his props as a man who gives.
Even in his late 80's he's still giving.
Years ago, he had prostate surgery and lost his sex drive.
Dole took it out on his can't-stop-talking, Bag-o-Hairspray wife
and, sadly for our country, the American people.
So it was to everyone's benefit when Pzifer contacted Dole
and ask if he'd PLEASE help test this impotence drug.
Bob Dole, never one to deny the call of duty, began helping
with the early testing of Viagra. They say Dole was a big help.
Years later, Bob Dole is still helping.
I saw a letter he recently wrote to Pzifer, the makers of Viagra.
He said:
It's my view you have a product that works GREAT!
I know it, you know it, and the 'Merican people know it.
Sometimes I get a horn-on that just won't quit!
Oh, by the way, my Bag-o-Hairspray wants to know
if you make some kind of Lady Viagra.
Do you?
Goddamn women, never happy, never satisfied...
I want this, I want that...
...it never ends, the bickering...
Sorry, ...I do have one suggestion for you guys, though:
Could you guys come up with a spray version?
Or some other delivery system for the drug?
With my bad arm, it's not easy getting a
Viagra pill in my penis before it shrinks.
From: canoeist@vbe.com
Subject: Your Greatness
BartCop,
you are the greatest.
Your biggest fan,
Stan Lange
Have you seen the new Reagan/Pinochio watches?
It has a picture of Ronald Reagan on the dial and
his nose gets longer and longer and he even SPEAKS!
He says, "I never sold weapons to terrorists,"
and then
his nose gets longer and longer as he repeats it.
For a limited time, if you buy the Reagan watch for $39.95,
you can also buy the George Herbert Traitor Butch watch.
On the Butch watch, he says "I didn't
pardon
Reagan's cabinet to bury the truth forever,"
while his nose gets longer and longer as he repeats the bald-faced
lie.
Get both watches now for only $59.95.
From: oskarn@main.amu.edu.pl
Subject: Re: BartCop's Nude Doc Meng pictures
I'm student from Poland. I'm looking for
pictures
with nude
female smokers (or sexy dressed). If you have
this kind of
pictures in your collection, please send me some
by e-mail.
I would be very appreciate.
Sorry for my bad english.
Best wishes,
Oskar
Dear Oskar,
I have a lot of photos, but I only post pictures of women
who've
attacked Bill Clinton AND spread their legs for a camera.
PS. As more of these ho'ers come forward,
I'll post their pictures, too.
Have you seen the one of Susan Carpenter
McHo'er and
Paula
Jones in New York?
Papax7 has a religi-nut web site
http://www.thebook.com/papax7/
He's a lot like Steve Largent.
Honest, trustworthy, and religiously-insane.
He's not evil, but he's CERTAIN that ideas that differ from his are
evil.
I always pay attention to e-mail from him.
Dear BartCop,
In Volume 132 of RL-AHHA or whatever
you call
it,
you went into too much detail about Dr.
Laura's
alleged hypocrisy.
It's possible you have a point.
Rule Number One: When you know for a fact, that someone
you
cannot trust has pictures of you naked with your legs spread,
you might ease up when slashing others who've done the same.
By the way, are you comparing my "too-much detail" to that
unfounded horseshit Starr printed about oral/anal sex?
I have proof.
I have the photos of Doc Meng.
Everybody does.
Starr's meant-to-kill assertions are IMPOSSIBLE to prove,
but ol' BartCop was the one who went too far, eh?
Question for Papax7: Do you admit she lied about the photos?
Her lies weren't 24 years ago, they were last month.
Just like Clinton, when she got caught, she denied everything.
THEN, after the proof was seen round-the-world,
when HER semen-stained, blue cocktail dress surfaced,
THEN she admitted what a ho'er she was.
Question #2. How can you defend her actions without defending Clinton?
Was Laura just trying to protect her family?
Was it simply nobody's business?
The NERVE of her, always beating sheep into tears when
she was a little tramp herself before her plum pruned.
I don't know much about her nudie pixs
but
I know JC Watts.
I was wondering how long it would take you
and your fellow
socialist/sodomcrat/demo buddies to start
in on him.
Papa, that giant metal thing sticking out of your lip?
That's called a hook.
Hold still, I'll get the pliars.
Rush is proud of you.
Uncle O.J. KNOWS his Oklahoma past is a porno film.
Koresh, he was the quarterback at Oklahoma!!!
He won the Orange Bowl and almost won the national football title.
...and you think he wasn't nailing everything skirted?
Everyone in Oklahoma knows what a hound-dog HE was.
Then, just like Newt, Uncle O.J. ran out on his kids.
And now, he defines "character" for the all-white GOFP?
Question #3. How can you say that without laughing?
Wait, sodomcrat?
heh
Why, I NEVER!
Don't get me wrong, here.
I don't mind a lecture from Billy Graham, or the Pope, or some
priest who's kept his pants zipped, but sluts and ho'ers are
legit targets when they spout off on "character issues"
when they are sluts and ho'ers, themselves.
Question #4. Do you agree with that statement?
He readily admits that he led an
inmoral lifestyle
in the past.
Heck, even I did at one time.
But Jesus can save us from our sins.
My point exactly.
I think you're a sincere, religious man. You're not a dirty prick
with an act who whores for millions. Over the years, you've taken
a lot of shots from me but you've always been a class act.
If you want to attack Clinton's morals, it's OK with me.
I think you're insane, sure.
But your sincerity is not in question.
Kweze Infume heads the NAACP and is a
former
congressman.
He was one wild dude in his younger days.
He was a gang member and fathered children
out of wedlock.
My point exactly!
When did Mfume claim he was Bill Bennett?
When did Mfume claim he was Doc Meng?
When did Mfume claim he was Jerry Falwell?
Remember Jim Bakker, the rapist?
Remember "I have sinned" by Jimmy Swaggert?
These guilty ho'ers are preaching to me?
They can eat me.
Question #5. Please comment on the validity of
the argument
that those
who squeal the loudest about morals are EXTRA VULNERABLE
when they get caught with their vagina on the internet.
Mfume he did the honorable thing. He
repented
of his sins and
supports his children. Mr. Watts does the
same thing.
Fine, but he should shut the hell up on "character" unless he's
going to remind people at EVERY stop, that he was once a whoredog.
It's legit, for a former gang member to say,
"I was a terrible person, here's what I did," then list his crimes.
That's NOT what Doc Meng did.
That's NOT what Henry Hyde did.
That's NOT what Scumbag Burton did.
That's NOT what Uncle O.J. Watts did.
They all mounted their high-horses,
so it's DOUBLE funny now that they've been exposed.
Question #6. Do you agree with that last statement?
He has repented of his sins,
And more importantly, Jesus has forgiven him.
I hate it when people speak for God.
What if I bomb a day care, then claim "God forgives me."
Question #7. Wouldn't you just want to strangle me?
Glad to straighten you out.
ha ha
I must admit it was hard to read your
issue
132.
Is it me, or did you outdo yourself in the
swearing catagory?
I plead guilty, but this was an emotional issue.
For five years your side has been squealing "Filegate."
For five years your side has been squealing "Whitewater."
For five years your side has been squealing "Mike Espy."
For five years your side has been squealing "Travelgate."
For five years your side has been squealing "Mena airport."
For five years your side has been squealing "body count."
For five years your side has been squealing "Vince Foster."
But the TRUTH, (if it matters to the religio-crazed
Republicans)
is that the biggest, most expensive whichhunt in history
has found nothing but a little swatch of consensual semen.
Forgive me if my cursing is worse than five years of
unfounded personal slurs taken as FACT by the GOFP.
Another thing, I... what?
I was just handed a note.
There's a correction I must make.
I said this witchhunt found nothing, I was wrong.
If I'm going to have credibility, I must face facts,
whether they're good for my point of view or bad...
This witchhunt found Linda Tripp and Lucianne Frankenstein.
Question #8. You HAVE to admit I'm right on this, right?
Question #9. Do you admit Dr. Laura was pregnant at her
wedding?
Just like Pat Robertson's wife and Nancy Reagan?
Funny, when YOUR side makes mistakes, you forgive.
The best president in your lifetime makes a mistake, and for YEARS
you attacked him with,
we now know, no evidence. Ken Starr and 5 years and $45,000,000 uncover
no evidence,
yet your side STILL can't forgive.
And now, since even Monica-gate made them lose seats, now they
want to open ANOTHER repeat inquiry, this time campaign finance.
Whoops!
Nevermind, Clinton is innocent there, too.
What else do we have?
Nothing?
Are you SURE????
Oh, well, ...back to Monica.
The poor GOFP, it's really sad.
They KNOW Clinton's guilty,
...but of what?
...OF WHAT?????????
Question #10. Why is that?
Your old friend,
BartCop
Great Airhead Quotes
"I'm just relieved and glad it's over.
It's
gone and out of my life.
I can get on with my life with my
husband
and my kids."
-- Penthouse Paula Jones
Excuse me, Bitch.
You already HAD a life with your husband and your kids
when you ran into the national spotlight screaming,
"It's ME, ME, ME,
ME, ME, ME, ME,
ME, ME, ME, ME, ME!!"
I'm Paula.
I'm Paula Jones.
Look at ME, ME, ME, ME, ME,
ME,
ME!
I'm the Paula in David Brock's fake story
with witnesses
bought-and-paid-for by Richard Melon Scarfe."
Yes...
You're the bitch who selfishly took right-wing money to lie.
You're the ho'er who took $2500 from Guess Jeans, right?
You're the tramp who accepted those fascist perks.
Nobody forced you to turn ho'er.
Remember when you said "Clinton exposed himself to me?"
Then you CHANGED it to "Clinton
exposed himself
to me,
and then he FONDLED himself,"
remember
Paula?
Then you CHANGED it to "Clinton
exposed himself
to me,
then he FONDLED himself, THEN he blocked the
door."
Remember saying all those things, ho'er?
The story got a little juicier every time Scarfe sent a check.
Didn't it, you ho're?
Tell me, Paula.
Are you related to Doc Meng?
Well, now you're $850,000 in debt to some weasel-scum
country lawyers and your approval rating is 11 percent.
That means 9 out of 10 Americans hate you, Paula.
Only Linda Tripp is more hated than you.
Call Bob Guccione over at Penthouse.
Maybe he'll give you $500 to strip at his Christmas party.
You got what was coming to you...
Remember when your sister testified you said,
"Either way, I smell money?"
Your old nose might've been defective, Paula.
The only thing you're smelling now is bankruptcy.
ha ha
Maybe you wondered about the title of this issue.
HCYETBTSAYSYLFAC?
It's a quote from Limba-with-a-vagina.
I heard it myself, so I don't want to get an avalanche
of mail from you ditto-tangs claiming she never said it.
This could NOT have happened, you'd think, but I heard it myself.
Thursday, Doc Meng was trashing the living HELL out of Sharon
Stone,
who is the national honorary spokeswoman for AIDS research.
In that capacity, Ms. Stone spoke at the United Nations.
I didn't hear the speech, but Doc Meng focused her RAGE on
something
she claimed Stone said about condoms. Stone is pro-condom, Meng said.
Stone apparently said if more parents kept condoms around,
their kids would have a better chance of avoiding AIDS.
Doc Meng had a cow.
A big, fat one.
She went ballistic and called Stone an "idiot/blonde
movie star
who's terribly unqualified to speak about
AIDS."
(Funny, she's OK with Moses speaking as a constitutional
scholar on
the Second Amendment,
but Sharon Stone isn't allowed to have an opinion on how to fight the
spread of AIDS?)
Check this out:
Check this out:
Doc Meng, aloud on her show, asked if anyone knew
if Sharon Stone wore any panties to the United Nations.
With Koresh as my witness, she said that.
I heard it, don't write and say she didn't say it.
She also wondered if, without panties, Ms. Stone might've
crossed her legs for the diplomats at the UN.
Can you believe she actually said that?
Wait - it gets better/worse.
Doc Meng also said this about herself:
"I'm not a natural blonde."
ha ha
Millions of teenage boys, all around the world, can
testify as FACT-WITNESSES that that is a true statement.
Isn't that funny?
Isn't that sad?
Wait - it gets better/worse.
Are you ready for this?
Brace yourselves...
This is so Huuuuuuuuge!
This might be the best quote of the entire year.
Are you ready?
In her ZEAL to fuck-over Sharon Stone, she apparently
forgot about her troubles of the last 60 days.
Swear to Koresh, Doc Meng said this about Sharon Stone:
...drum roll, please
...brbrbrbrbrbrbrbrbrbrbrbrbr...
"How can you
expect to be taken
seriously
after you've
spread your
legs for a camera?"
Thank you, and good night.
Email the Author: Bartcop
