Still Smoking

Did you see Bill Bennett on Meet the Catholic with Tim the Whore?
Here's what the former Secretary of Education said.

"The longer kids stay in school in America,
  the more stupider they get."

 ha ha

 As always, the GOFP's solution to EVERYTHING is LESS education.

It Keeps Getting Better

From Salon Magazine
http://www.salon.com/news/feature/1999/11/05/bush/index.html

Bush's session with Boston TV reporter Andy Hiller reinforced the notion
that he is not ready for prime time. He may not even be ready for a debate.

And his campaign staff seemed to be in a similar position.
When Bush spokeswoman Karen Hughes defended her boss after the Hiller
interview, she said it wasn't "fair" for everyone to consider Bush an idiot
because neither the Bush campaign's senior foreign policy advisor,
Josh Bolton, nor foreign policy advisor Joel Shinn
could name all four of these world leaders.
 

ha ha

That's Governor Blow Monkey's strategy?
"My staff is just as ignorant about foreign policy as I am?"

Y'know, if I ever run for office, it'll damn sure be as a Republican.

The bar seems so much lower on that side...

A Quote from the Knuckledrag Daily Newspaper

Keep in mind, this is the only paper in The Cock-Fighting Capital of the World,
the place that elected Don Nickles, Senator Pissquik, the Jesus Twins and Ernest Istook.

 Editorial

"Politicians like to ask voters:
 Are you better off now than you were four years ago?
 Is the United States better off now than it was five years and $47,000,000 ago,
 before Starr began his relentless, seemingly obsessive pursuit of Bill Clinton?
 Hardly."

You have to remember, this is a paper that called for Clinton's impeachment,
a paper that endorsed Dole, Butch, Butch, Reagan and Reagan.

Of course, locally the paper is considered, "a pinko-commie liberal,"
but everyone to the left of Tim McVeigh is called that in Oklahoma.
(Thus our elected leaders.)
 

Notice, Washington is in ruins after the bastard left for his Scarfe-financed job.

Open Letter to Vice President Al Gore

Al, I have some good advice for you, and it won't cost $15,000 per month.
You ready, Al?

Stop doing everything.

That's right, stop doing everything.
Don't make any speeches.
Don't attend any fundraisers.
Don't meet with anybody.
Don't be seen doing anything.
Fire all of your pollsters.
Fire all of your get-out-the-vote, grass roots people.
Fire all but a skeleton crew of top advisors.

Don't hire any more people, if fact, tell your current employees to get temp jobs
until June of next year, then give them high-paying jobs in your administration.

For now, do abso-fucking-lutely nothing.
Don't even go to funerals.
If Bill says he needs you to go to a funeral, say, "I'm busy, Sir."

All you have to do is get into seclusion and bone up on some wonk stuff.
Y'know, memorize some debate traps to spring on the Republicans, and,
...oh, yeah, you need to practice your snicker.

Here's how it works:

Stay totally out of the public eye.  On the rare occasion when a reporter
gets to you with a question, it'll probably be something along the lines of,
"Mr. Vice President, why are you afraid to debate Senator Bradley?"

You say, "Bradley is a good man, but our ideas are so similar, why debate?
Besides, I might offer him a place on my team after the elections."
Then, as you walk away from the reporter, turn around and say,

"By the way, if I debated Bradley, who do you think would win?"

Then you give 'em that snicker you've been working on.
 

Al, trust me.
You've already won this election.
Throw Bradley a bone and tell him to shut up.
Bradley is not your problem, don't give him another thought.

The right-wing is going to destroy Butch, and it's going to be really sad.
We're all going to feel sorry for him when the GOFP hate machine gets done with him.
His margarita, his secret lil' habanero, his coke bust, the DWI's, the Yale branding,
the sweetheart- tax-payer-financed Texas Rangers deal that made him rich,
his relationship to Kneel Butch, all of it is going to come out.

...and, they're going to do it in a way so cruel, we're going to see his mother
crying her eyes out on television, and nobody wants to see that.

McCain is going to win the nomination, and he'll start out ahead, but as people
look closer at the two of you, people will open their eyes and you'll inch closer.

In a wild move that nobody knows about except me, McCain will ask Bob Dole's
Bag O' Hairspray to lose with him - and she's going to accept!
(You heard it here, first, Nov 7, 1999, nine months before the GOFP convention.)

But two weeks before the general election McCain will lose his temper
and beat up some forgetful staffer to within inches of her life.

McCain will suddenly have a seventy-point gender gap, but strangely enough,
he'll gain strength from the right-wing after beating up that poor woman.

So... Al, ...stop hiring people to tell you what shirt to wear.
Stop asking anybody about anything and stop doing everything.

Go into seclusion, study up and prepare that debate trap.
You've already won this election.

...and work on that snicker!

Are 'Gotchas' Good?
By Calvin Woodward
Associated Press  November 6, 1999

"WASHINGTON - Texas Governor George W. Bush calls it "gotcha" journalism.
The latest episode raises the issue of whether it's fair to ask questions intended
to embarrass more than enlighten."

Hmmm...  "Embarrass more than enlighten?"
Let's think back - let's go back less than a year.

What were the very important questions that almost felled our flag,
according to the formerly honorable Henry Hyde? (R-Scumbag)
 

1. Mr. President, did you wear a tie given to you by Ms. Lewinsky?
2. Mr. President, did you have an orgasm with Ms Lewinsky?
3. Mr. President, did you kiss her breasts?
4. Mr. President, did you touch Ms. Lewinsky with the intent of creating desire?
5. Mr. President, ...and of course, I get no personal gratification by asking you
        these insanely personal, yet very important and troubling, constitutional questions,
        did you kiss Ms. Lewinsky's genitalia?
6. Mr. President, ...and of course, I would never ask these probing questions,
        it's just that I'm grappling in my mind with this most-important issue,
        did Ms. Lewinsky kiss your genitalia?

Please, Mr. President, try to understand why we must have detailed answers to these
very constutionally-important legal interrogatories, so I can go back to my office and masturbate to the pain this gangrape is causing your family and our country....
 

THOSE were the questions that were so fucking important a year ago.
 
 
 

Now, with Gov.  Butch,  it's not fair to ask about nuclear hot spots?
 
 
 

Because his Grand Canyon of Ignorance might embarrass him?
 
 
 

Picture of Grand Canyon by BartCop@1998
 

The Pigboy says there's a double standard in journalism.
He might be right this one time, but we won't know for sure
until a Republican gets the White House back.
 

...I can't wait.

That Boston Reporter?

The man who proved Blow Monkey is as stupid as spoiled meat?
He's being attacked on Fox News by the right-wing whores as,

"a know-nothing,  never-paid-his-dues,
 trying-to-make-a-name-for-himself,
 lazy, no-talent, journalistic leech who exists for
 the sole purpose of making politicians look bad."
 

...coming up next on the Fox News Network,

the most powerful name in news,
a close personal friend of the Uber Pigboy,

...the Matt Drudge REAL Journalism Show.

Pop Quiz

1. Who was the American League shortstop in the 1967 World Series?
2. Who holds the National League record for most triples in a season?
3. Name every team Bill Buckner has played on.
4. Name 30 former Cubs that have cursed World Series' teams?

Now, I'll bet there's nobody who regularly reads  bartcop.com
who can answer each of those questions without looking them up.

But you know what?

I'll bet Tim McCarver knows all those answers.
I'll bet motormouth Bob Costas knows all those answers.
I'll bet Degree-from-Cliche-U. Joe Morgan knows all those answers.
I'll bet Pete Rose knows all those answers.

You know why?

Because that's their fucking business, that's why.

When you and I are putting in our forty hours each week, we're doing our jobs.
When Tim McCarver, Bob Costas, Joe Morgan and Pete Rose do their jobs,
they're reading about baseball, and baseball history and baseball players.

It's not my job or your job to know those answers.
But it IS the job of those four men to know those answers.
That's what they do for a living.

So, what the hell does Governor Blow Monkey do with his forty hours?
His job is running for the presidency of the United States.

He ought to know a little bit about the goddamn job he's running for, right?
If he doesn't know the players in Chechnya, Taiwan, Pakistan and India,
he's not ready to run the White House cafeteria, much less Planet Earth.

Governor Blow Monkey has at least forty hours each week to learn.
If McCarver, Costas, Morgan and Rose know baseball inside and out,,
why can't the Goldenboy learn the names of the players controlling today's hot spots?

The GOPP is trying to spin this like,   "Nobody can be expected to know
all the names of all the top people in countries like North Pago Pago."

That's true, but nobody ever suggested the bar be set that high.
The question was about HOT SPOTS with NUCLEAR DANGERS.

What was worse than Butchie's ignorance was his attitude.
He snarled at the reporter and attacked him like a second grader.

"No, do you?"

Hey, Blow Monkey!
Nobody contributed $50,000,000 to that reporter's candidacy!!
That reporter doesn't claim to be "the most qualified man on the planet."

Jesus, that was a really stupid comeback, Blow Monkey.
No wonder you can't debate anybody.
You're stupid, even for a ditto-monkey!

Anybody who runs for president has to have the ego to think "I'm the best."
But what kind of ditto-monkey thinks he's the best when he,

A. Can't answer simple questions about his job,

   or

B. Doesn't have a funny, dismiss-this-question fallback line like Reagan did.

Sidebar:  Remember the 1984 presidential debates?
Mondale suggested Reagan was too old to be president again, and Reagan said,
"I don't think my opponent's youth and inexperience should be held against him,"
 which got a big laugh from the crowd.

Mondale didn't have the brains to come back with,

"Yeah, that was a cute, pre-packaged answer to my question, Old Man, but why don't
you take a minute right now and explain to America why a tired, old man who needs
lot of naps, one who wasn't the sharpest knife in the drawer when he was younger,
should be allowed to fall asleep during cabinet meetings and sessions with the Pope
or with Gorbachev at Reykjavik, Iceland while nuclear treaties are being debated?"

Yep, Reagan would've been a one-termer if Dukakis had been BartCop.

But Reagan was ready for the punch and he rolled with it.

Uh-Oh, I just had a scary thought...
Butchie isn't as sharp as Ronald Reagan?
(shudder...)

This Blow Monkey doesn't have the brains to be president.
 

...is there a place I can bet that he will not be the nominee?

Is Vegas taking bets on this?
Are ditto-monkeys taking bets on this?

Betty Bowers Takes On Doctor Laura

Do not click on that if you like Dr. Laura.
Betty tears her a new one.

This site is such a hoot.
I hope Ms. Bowers doesn't mind my directing you there.

Her home page URL is http://www.bettybowers.com/

Carmen Electra Arrested for Assaulting Dopey "Husband"

Maybe it's some latent, Freudian, Susan McDougal-flashback,
but I find women in handcuffs and leg irons very sexy.

My, My

That young Butch fellow can't seem to go two days without screwing up.
This just in, from the Sabutai News Network:

Bush Wrapped in Flap over Confederate Flag
By Thomas Ferraro

WASHINGTON, Nov 5 (Reuters) - Republican presidential candidate George
W. Bush has become wrapped in a flap over the Confederate flag in South Carolina
and back home, deep in the heart of in Texas.  (clap, clap, clap, clap)

Bush sparked the brouhaha on a southern campaign swing when he said civil
rights outsiders should ``butt out'' of a feud in South Carolina over
flying the Confederate flag atop the statehouse.

Some in the NAACP saw Bush's remarks as an effort to woo white voters.

``For starters, we think he should apologize for his insensitivity,''
said Dwight James, executive director of the South Carolina NAACP.

COMPLAINTS CALLED ``RIDICULOUS''

But McClellan rejected as ``ridiculous'' complaints the governor tried to appeal to
white voters with his stand.   McClellan said, "Bush simply believes the people of
South Carolina should decide the fate of the flag in their state without outsiders,
like the national NAACP."
 

Yes, the NAACP, ...they're so sensitive to the issue of lynchings.
Why can't they just forget about the past, and be "good negroes?"

I have a question for the Governor:
We can't put anything past today's white-power conservative Christians.
If South Carolina wanted to use a flag depicting a black man hanging from a tree,
should "outsiders" like the NAACP just stop "causing trouble?"
 

This is another reason why liberals need to own guns.
What if this "state's rights" issue boils over some day?

From the AP Wires:

Mr. Bush's spokesman, arguing that the person running for President was
seeking to be the leader of the free world, "and not a Jeopardy contestant."
 

This is true.

On Jeopardy, there's nothing at stake except a few thousand dollars of the
sponsor's money - and perhaps the reputation of the ignorant contestant..

But as president, this spoiled playboy would be making life-and-death decisions
that potentially effect every person on the planet.

The Bush spokesman is correct.

"This is not a game of Jeopardy!"

Poor Pigboy

He's trying to explain away Blow Monkey's foreign policy ignorance.

He said this was "pack journalism, trying to destroy Butch," when
"nobody cares if he knows anything about foreign policy, anyway."

Yet,

yet,

yet, it was just last week when Pigboy was praising Jim Gray, saying
"Tough reporters like him are needed in Washington."
Pigboy said, "No reporters ever ask tough questions anymore."

So, a reporter asks a semi-tough question of the alcoholic coke-addict
who wants to drive the big bus and Rush the Pigboy starts whining.
A complete 180-degree turn from last week's dogma.

...and the sheep'll buy it in Valdez-size quantities.

Is there anyone/anything less funny than Mallard Fillmore?
Look at this piece of crap.
 

Excuse me, but do you have time to feel sorry for Reagan and this stupid-ass duck?

First of all, isn't it a goddamn shame that nobody will ever say anything good
about the mindless geezer who shoved America off the economic cliff with what
the Goldenboy Coke-addict's dad called, "Voodoo economics?"

This unfunny duck thinks people have to invent bad things to say about the brainless coot.
Koresh - the very first thing Butch Senior did when he took office was to announce
that he wanted a "kinder, gentler" America.

Translation?

"I won't be as big a prick as that harsh bastard Reagan was."

Everybody knows that's what he meant.
Pigboy mentions it a couple of times a month.

Second, like all the fascist dog-media, this stupid duck conveniently forgets
"the guy who just made up lots of negative stuff" about Reagan was hired by Reagan.
This "big liar" was paid $3,000,000 by Ron and Knobber, so he's hardly, "some guy."

For Koresh's sake, he was their hand-picked cabanaboy!
If you want to claim that the Reagans were too stupid to choose an author who
would be sympathetic, ...well, ...I might have to agree with you, there.

The stupid, unfunny duck forgets a whooooooooole lotta facts because, to do otherwise,
...if the stupid duck remembered the facts, such as who hired "some guy" to "make stuff up,"
...well, ...then, ...he'd appear to be even more fuct than he appears now.

Hey, Duck!
You're a fuct-duck!

You're not even funny.
You're just a lying, duck.

...but I can see the sheep buying this crap alllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllday.

Billy Graham - a man of religion that I can respect.

Doonesbury Catches Up

There He Goes Again

"This administration, as a policy, is putting gun-toting felons on the streets
in record numbers," he said in testimony prepared for the panel.

"Why does the President ask for more federal gun laws if
 he's not going to enforce the ones we have?"
       --Charlton Heston, former Grade-B actor.
 

1. Why can't Heston do a better job of explaining hinself?
2. Where is this "We need more violent criminals on the street" policy of Clinton's?
3. Which gun laws has the president directed law enforcement personnel to ignore?

I've asked these questions before, but I can't get a straight answer.

It sounds like a helluva campaign issue for Governor Blow Monkey
or McCain or any of them. If Clinton INSISTS on pulling violent men
from prisons and arming them with guns, I'd call for his impeachment.

ha ha

Is this another "Rush said so," deal?

If anybody, liberal or fascist dog, has any clue what they mean,
please contact  bartcop.com  so I can criticize Bill Clinton.

Poor Butch

By now, you've heard.
This poor bastard got "ambushed."
 

WASHINGTON (AP) -- Texas Gov. George W. Bush was hit with
a surprise quiz on foreign affairs and scored only 25 percent.

The Republican presidential front-runner sat down Wednesday with WHDH-TV,
the NBC affiliate in Boston, and was asked to name the leaders of four current
world hot spots: Chechnya, Taiwan, India and Pakistan.
He was able to give a partial response to just one: Taiwan.

ha ha

I'd bet Governor Blow Monkey knows who the president of Columbia is.

I just watched the video of the exchange.
Butch was nervous, defensive and angry that someone would actually
ask him a question that wasn't a big, giant ball of Texas cotton.

Remember in 1992 when they quizzed candidate Clinton on the price of milk,
a pound of ground beef, bread and a Four-Pack of Strawberry Twizzles?

ha ha

Clinton hit that one out of the park.

I'll bet that was a Carville gag.
They paid some lady to ask Clinton that.

ha ha

I think that was the same week Butch's Traitor dad went to a grocery store
and said, "Gee, whiz, what's that magic light do?" at the checkout counter.

It doesn't matter if the president knows that.
The president of GM doesn't need to know how to change his oil.
Truth be known, it really doesn't matter in the bigger scheme of things
if Butch can find his ass on foreign policy.   No president will ever
equal Reagan's ignorance, and his blunders could've been a whole lot worse.

Koresh, we still have fifty states, don't we?

Truth is, if Blow Monkey were to get in, (he won't) he could never
fuck up foreign policy the way his Daddy and Uncle Forgetmyself did.

These days, the president has so much information and so many advisors
it would be hard for even a son-of-a-butch to do too much damage.

Butt,

butt,

butt, you just know if they'd asked Clinton those same four questions,
Clinton would've given their names, their wives' names, their children's names,
he'd ask if Lee Suk Toe had recovered from his sprained ankle,
he'd ask if Muhhul Eh-Ujah's mother's gall-bladder operation was successful,
he'd recall that Abbe Con Dabbe could never snag a cab in Cairo.

That's why Clinton is the best we've ever seen.
(Well, that, and the economy, the crime rate, teen pregnancy, interest rates, etc etc etc)

I saw a mini-Clinton interview on Fox News tonight.
Some ditto-monkey tried to put Clinton in a box.

ha ha

Bill Clinton can answer ambush questions so much better than Lanny Davis,
James Carville, Paul Begala, BartCop and Bob Dylan combined.

Sidebar: Have you ever seen the interview, must be from 1965 or so,
Bob Dylan was just getting noticed and he held a press conference.
Some ditto-monkey reporter asked Bob Dylan, on camera,
"How many poets are there like you in America?"

Dylan thought for a second, and asked, "How many like me?"

The reporter shouted, "Yeah."

Dylan looked up in the air to the left, and he thought for a second and he said,
"One hundred and sixty two."

ha ha

Go, Bob Dylan!!
Fuck the Press!

ha ha

Sorry, back to the story...

In fifty two weeks, that Clinton stallion is going to be put out to stud.
Clinton will be advising campaigns and taking on new challenges.
Trust me, he has a lot to look forward to.
Jimmy Carter might be our most moral ex-president, but I predict
Bill Clinton will, without a doubt, be our most oral ex-president.
He deserves the Key to America's Chastity Belt.

I'm going to meet Bill Clinton after he's retired.
It's going to be sooo cool, even better than meeting Susan McDougal.

Remember, I fantasized about telling Suze, "You're the tops!"
Thanks largely to the wacky Marc Perkel, that happened.

Some day, I'm going to look Bill Clinton in the eye and say,
"You son-of-a-bitch, you beat them all!
 You took their best shot, you fought back when your own party turned against you,
 you kept your cool years longer than I could have, and you made every enemy eat it."

 At that point, I'll have my pilot Enrique hand me the Chinaco Anejo,
 and Bill and Mrs. BartCop and me will raise a toast.
 

...you know,

...that's going to happen.

Insanity and Holmes

I caught a little bit of the "Prayer in School" debate on Cannity and Holmes Thursday.
It was basically Barry Lynn, head of some Atheist League, against
the importance-of-being Ernest Istook (R-Pick your prayers for you.)

As always, Istook was whining about the liberals "not allowing prayer."
As always, Holmes was a deer-in-the-headlights.

You know how I would've shut down Ernest Istook?
I would've said,

"Hey, Ernie! I'm going to pray for the next 30 seconds.
 I want you to try to stop me."

Then I'd close my eyes and pretend to pray while Istook could
only stare at the TV screen in shamed silence and wonder what to do.

How many times have we covered this?

It's impossible to stop anyone from praying.
It cannot be done.

I could put Istook in electrified boiling oil, with a cattleprod up his ass,
throw rattlesnakes around his shoulders, place a gun in his mouth
put his head in a vise and slit his throat from ear-to-ear,
and I still couldn't stop him from praying.

Nothing can stop prayer, abso-fucking-lutely nothing!

You see, they already have prayer in school, but they want more.
They want to force YOUR kids to say their prayers.

You people who claim to be religious - How can you endorse forced prayer?
You claim you want religious freedom, but you can't get that from Ernest Istook.
You can get it from Ol' BartCop, but you can't get it from Istook.

If Ol' BartCop was forcing his religion on your kids,
it would be soooooooooo easy to see, so why can't you see what they're doing?
How blind can a ditto-monkey be?

How can you not see the obvious?
I submit your prayer-in-school argument is a fraud and a sham.

How can you adhere to a belief you can't defend?
 

(I'm getting really frustrated with the ditto-monkeys.
 I can't get one of them to stand up and debate me.
 That little coward at  rushonline.com  is the worst of the sheep.
 He worships every ugly racial slur that comes from Pigboy's mouth,
 but he can't meet me face-to-face LIVE and stand his ground?
 His hero's "education" has given him nothing but a yellow streak up his back.

 Cowards make me sick.)

Intelli-mail

From: Eliot F.

Subject:  PigBoy's Agenda?    Bush vs. Bradley!

BartCop,

I agree that PigBoy is an entertainer, and that his conservative schtick
draws him a lucrative audience, but I doubt he could kept it up this long
if it were just an act.

It's my opinion that I know Rush better than anybody.
I've heard almost every hour since 1991 or so.

Rush is about greed, pure and simple.
He's getting $20,000,000 a year to "be conservative."
For $20,000,001, he'd be a liberal, but our side won't have his lying ass.

He must have some conservative sympathies in there, someplace.
Most of all, what he wants is to see a Republican in the White House.
Any Republican.
He'd even settle for Buchanan.

All Rush wants is a tax cut.
The greedy bastard would vote for Jesse Jackson for one more dollar.

Rush is no Bible Thumper.  He enjoys a drink, a smoke, a handful of
marriages, and his investment portfolio.  He'd love to see Bush Jr.
in the White House.  But, knowing how abysmal his own popularity is,
what's the best way for PigBoy to help Bush Jr?

Why, attack him, of course!
Pigboy is working hard to make Bush Jr. seem as moderate as possible.

I can't disagree with that.

Similarly, for all their ridicule, the Republicans are frightened of Gore.
He's not flashy, but he's smart.
No one's boosting Bradley more than the Republicans.
They'd LOVE to run against Bradley.

You are correct, Sir.
I've been meaning to say that for months.
Remember during impeachment, the lying bastards kept saying,
"We don't want to impeach Clinton, because that terrible, arch-liberal
tree-hugging Gore would become president, and we CAN'T have that,"
and then every single goddamn one of them voted for President Gore.

Lying, lying, lying sons-of-bitches - ALL of them.

Yes, that's why Rush boasts every day how much trouble Gore's in,
and how Bradley is making "huge gains" all the time.
Bill Bradley is a fly for Gore to swat, nothing more.

Rush's agenda is to get Bush the nomination, by criticizing him, and denying Gore,
thus setting up the Republican dream matchup - Bush vs. Bradley.

Later,

Eliot

Two problems with your scenario:
1. Butch won't be getting the nomination,
2. Gore couldn't lose it if he tried.

bc

Pigboy Updates
 

You know those little Pigboy updates that the AM stations run in the morning?
The promo they're running now goes like this:

"Pete Rose is more hated, despised and feared than Bill Clinton.
 If Bill Clinton was a baseball player, his approval rating wouldn't be so high."
     -- El Grande Puerca
 

I have several questions, Pigboy.

1. Who hates Pete Rose?
    He got a minute-long standing ovation the night Jim Gray acted the prick.

2. Who despises Pete Rose?
     I guess some people might.

3. Who in the universe fears Pete Rose?
     Ditto-monkeys?

4. How can you compare the greatest hitter in history with
    the president who reversed the Reagan Error and saved America's economy?
 

Pigboy says whatever stupid thought pops into his feeble little mind,
and then his brain-dead ditto-monkeys take it as dogma - like it means something.

Don't you sheep have any brains at all?

NRA 1999 Scorecard

(Thanks to Voltai29@Geocities.com, the best source of news on the Internet, and it's FREE. You should e-mail him and get on his list.)
 

 -- Nov. 3, Two dead, five wounded in Seattle waterfront shooting

 -- Nov. 2: Hawaii  Xerox employee kills seven co-workers.

 -- Sept. 15: Seven killed, seven wounded in Fort Worth church

 -- Aug. 10: Five wounded at Jewish Center in Los Angeles,

 -- Aug. 5: Three office-workers killed in Pelham, Ala.

 -- July 29: investor kills nine, wounds 13 at brokerage firm in Atlanta,

 -- July 12: Six, including four children, shot to death in Atlanta

 -- July 4:  a string of shootings in Illinois and Indiana, two killed and nine wounded.

 -- June 11: Southfield, Mich. clinic, four wounded before gunman kills himself.

 -- June 3: Four shot to death at Las Vegas grocery store

 -- May 20: Six wounded at Heritage High in Conyers, Ga.,

 -- April 20: Dylan Klebold, 17, and Eric Harris, 18, kill 13 people
 and then themselves at Columbine High in Littleton, Colo.

 -- April 15: Gunman opens fire in Mormon Library in Salt Lake City,
      Two dead, four wounded before police kill him.
 

You know, everytime the NRA opens a branch office, it reinforces their point.
In today's world, you HAVE to carry a gun.
The NRA is self-fulfilling their need to be around.

Me?
I haven't been without a gun within reach since 1987,
except for that one night in 1997 when we went to Area 51.

As long as these NRA psychos are running around opening branch offices,
I'm keeping my Glocks nearby in case some ditto-monkey needs dying.

A Couple of Great Kevin Cunningham Cartoons

Intelli-mail

From: Walter C. A.

Bart,
What could Pigboy's agenda be in knocking front runner Butch?
 

Walter, excellent question:
The answer will upset ditto-tangs everywhere.

Rush Limba doesn't give a shit about politics.
He never did.
That's why he never voted for Ronald Reagan.

All he wants is more and more money.
Nobody paid him to vote for Reagan, so he didn't.

Rush doesn't want a Republican president, because he can make
more money with a democrat like Al Gore in the White House.

By attacking a "centrist" like Governor Blow Monkey,
Rush reinforces the fairy tale that the only way a Republican
can lose an election is if he's not Nazi-enough.

Did you hear him explaining Tuesday's election results?
Since more democrats won than republicans, Rush told his sheep
that those republicans who lost must've been moderates.

That way, Pigboy can perpetuate the myth that half-Nazi's are no good,
that one must be full-bore McVeigh/Delay/Pigboy to make it in today's America.

To be fair to the disgusting Pig, many in his party agree with him.
That's another reason Butch can't win this nomination.
The right-wing will tear the Shrub into little twigs before the convention.

By the time Forbes gets through with GB Monkey,
he'll have more dirt thrown on him than Jimmy Hoffa.

If, somehow, Butch survives Forbes, he's got to deal with the rapid-dogs
that have been running the Republican party for the last 20 years.

That won't be pretty.

Pigboy Attacks Butch II

Wednesday, Rush read an essay written by a seventh-grade gangsta.
This gangsta described how he shot some dudes, which was bad enough,
but the worst part was the spelling and grammatical errors in his essay.
It read like something straight out of Ditto-Monkey Central Casting.

For this essay, the author was given a grade of, "A," by his Texas teacher.
matter of fact, it was graded as a, "100," with a BONUS for reading it aloud.
(The ditto-monkey gangsta scored 100+ on the Texas test.)

Pigboy suggested if Governor Blow Monkey did to America's children
what he's done for the education of the kids of Texas,
"We're all in some serious trouble, folks."

"Butch is always talking about what he's done for Education," Pigboy whaled.
"And we see evidence that kids who can't read can still get a grade of "A"
 in Texas, under Republican front-runner Governor Dubya Butch."
 

For the second time in a week,
Pigboy blasted Butch before I could get to my FTP.
(ha ha,  ...FTP,   Fuck The Press ...ha, ha)
Sure, it's fun to watch, but I hate being on the same side as Pigboy/

Hey, Pigboy!

Stop attacking Gov. Blow Monkey, and give us some more Clinton Body Count!
I'll handle the anti-Butch rhetoric, ...thank you...

Jesus, just my luck...

Butch is gonna self-destruct with me having 1,000 cocaine jokes?
Butch is gonna self-destruct with me having 1,000 bastard jokes?
Butch is gonna self-destruct with me having 1,000 drunk-driving jokes?
Butch is gonna self-destruct with me having 1,000 Frat-branding jokes?
Butch is gonna self-destruct with me having 1,000 Butcher of Silverado jokes?
Butch is gonna self-destruct with me having 1,000 15 yr-old pantless Butch jokes?
Butch is gonna self-destruct with me having 1,000 prison-death jokes?
Butch is gonna self-destruct with me having 1,000 silver-spoon jokes?
Butch is gonna self-destruct with me having 1,000 stories about Butchie,
snortin' and screwin' and drinkin' on Daddy's dime while John McCain was
hanging by his fucking broken arms from a prison wall at the Hanoi Hilton?

If I'm not mistaken...

Butchie's Buzz words are, "Personal responsibility."

ha ha

Sidebar:
Please - somebody, you gotta let me run your campaign.

ha ha

It's easy!
Just make the other son-of-a-bitch look worse than you.
If you lose that fight, the other guy deserves to win!
Koresh, could it be any easier?

Back to matters at hand...
Butch thinks his money is going to talk big in New Hampster.

John McCain should hire me as a speech writer.
McCain walks to the podium and says,

"While John McCain was being tortured by the North Vietnamese,
Gov. Blow Monkey was screwing hookers drunk on Daddy's stolen tequila,
and whatever he did or did not do with cocaine while I was being tortured
by the Viet Kong is not a legitimate concern in this campaign,
and the press should ignore his short-comings in that area."

ha ha

But, wait...

Something's wrong, here...
I get very suspicious when the sun shines on me.

Pigboy and BartCop team up to make Gov. Blow Monkey look bad?
That's it!

Rush is trying to shut down your  bartcop.com

Remember, you heard it here first, back in June:
Governor Blow Monkey will NOT be the GOP nominee.

The Kiss

Did you see it?

Callista went about thirty seconds with arch-enemy Luci.

I'm old.
I remember just about three years ago, Roseanne was going to
actually touch her lips to those of Mariel Hemingway.
ABC had a Limba-sized cow.
It was a major crisis.

Women?
Kissing?

Roseanne fought them, but ABC mostly won, so Roseanne eventually
got her kiss but it was a milli-second, not-sure, filmed-from-behind kiss.

But David Kelley got a well-lit, full-frontal, no-kidding, up-close
couple of good-looking actresses to have a touching moment
with their tongues and a little bit of dialog.

That's all I'm going to say about this television landmark.
 

...but I'm sure Senators Helms and Pissquik both ate nitroglycerine last night.

Butch Sr.

Did you see Butch Senior on Larry (Eight-Wives) King?

Swear to Koresh, I only saw 90 seconds between "The Strip" commercials.
What did I see?

Butch mentioned his diary.
Eight-Wives asked Butch if he wrote in his diary every day.
Butch said, "No, I only wrote sporadically."

That means the days he was in Paris, effecting the delay of the release of our
hostages held by radicals in Iran, Butch "forgot" to make an entrythose days.
I can't say I'm surprised.

The only other thing I heard, and those of you who saw the interview
know I'm telling the Koresh-damn truth when I say this,
Butch said one day his little grandneice (?) pulled him into the bathroom,
pointed at the toilet and said, "Is that your poo-poo, Grandpa?"

...maybe that's cute if you've had kids, I dunno...
 

Eight-Wives asked Butch if he had any hesitation putting shit-related cuteness
like that in his presidential memoirs, and Butch said, "No, of course not."

...butt,

...butt,

...butt Pigboy says Clinton lowered the dignity of the high office of the Presidency?

Could be my Catholic upbringing, but it seems to me a man in
his forties having sex with a woman at the office is more dignified than
retired President Poopie talking mystery shit with his grandneice.
 

...maybe I could call the Fox News Network and see what "the facts" are.