late

Volume 173 - As Long as the Train Runs On-Time

February 25, 2000

What Matters

> BartCop wrote:
> For some reason known only to supply-siders and insane Bible-thumpers,
> the votes Gore cast back in the seventies are so much worse than Gov Smirk
> crawling into bed with the Catholic-hating, race-baiting Cro-Mags who run
> that southern-style university that Bob Jones founded.

I have to take issue with that statement.

Cro-Magnons had the beginnings of culture, took care of each other, and
made those fantastic cave paintings in France. To my knowlege, they never
raced Monster Trucks, voted Repugnican, or painted on black velvet.

So to compare Cro-Magnons with Rednecks is like comparing People to Chimpanzees.
I'm sure if there were any real Cro-Mags left, they too would take offense.

Perhaps a more accurate term would be Buck-toothed, Mouth-Breathing Trailer Trash.

RKT

BartCop Live!

Scary words, yet they may come true.

For the last few years I've been asked by some radio stations
to come on live and do interviews to introduce myself to America.

Most of them are such wankers, I refused out of principle.
(Bob in Phoenix was the exception.)
They've all been penny-ante bullshit stations in Texarkana or Fresno,
so I declined, because I have no desire to win over the housewives of Scranton.

Recently, some New York radio stations have contacted me.
This may be my time.
My psychic astrologer (same as Nancy's) said "Go for it!"
New York is a real town, so we're talking seriously to a show there.
(Not Stern, who I respect, and not Imus, who I don't.)

We're still in negotiations, so I can'y mention their name - yet.
I'm representing myself, ...like what, ...I'm gonna hire some New York lawyer
to look out for my interests in case they have some Latin in the contract?

Ha!

You know what'd be great?
What if the New York radio boys are closet Pigboy fans?
What if they set a trap for me?

ha ha

Oh, Koresh, crank up the cassette recorder if this is a trap!
I'm verklempt with the possibility that this might turn into a nasty fight!
As you know, I abhor confrontation.

No, just kidding, these guys see the Pigboy the same way you and I do.
This is supposed to happen in the next 30 days, so fasten your seatbelts.
Before you write your next rent check, you may hear some BartCop.

This'll either turn out like Hillary's health care plan or Bill's economic plan.

Is New York ready for BartCop?

It's About Time

A dream come true for me.
For years, I've been screaming at my local AM Rush-propaganda station KRMG.

Well, now, they have a website, http://www.krmg.com

They even have a FORUM to post messages.
As part of my duty to you, the reader, I listen to hate radio 9 hours a day.
I doubt KRMG has a listener with more hours logged than me.

So I signed up to post messages.
Guess what?

They alread have a BartCop.
I get that a lot these days.
Koresh, how common is the name "BartCop?"

Don't know if he's friend or foe, or maybe KRMG management
barred the name because of the beatings Michael Del Giorno has taken
from me in the last two years or so, so I had to sign on as "realbartcop."

If you go there, be polite.
If people cause a ruckus, that'd give Del Giorno an excuse to silence me,
which is exactly what he needs because I can parry any thrust he's got.

After all these years of screaming at the radio, I finally have a voice.
Tonight was the first night.

If I stay polite and family-friendly, how long will it take for
Michael Del Giorno to invent an excuse to lock me out?

Michael, if you're reading this, do you remember the David Duke GOTCHA?

Click Here

I Heard a Joke
...and no, I didn't write it myself!
You can tell, because it's funny!

I'm not the sharpest knife in the drawer, so this got past me at first.
But as time went by, I figured it out.
See how you do...

You know those goofy e-mails you get that people send?
I got one about the weird similarities between Lincoln and JFK.

Here's how it went:

Lincoln had seven letters in his last name,
Kennedy had seven letters in his last name.

Lincoln's secretary's name was Kennedy.
Kennedy's secretary's name was Lincoln.

Lincoln was shot in a theater, his assassin ran into a warehouse.
Kennedy was shot from a warehouse, his assassin ran into a theater.

A week before he died, Lincoln was in Monroe, Maryland.

Ask BartCop

From: henke30@yahoo.com

If an "English Only" law comes to pass,
would Gov. Smirk and the Indiana Spud be considered outlaws?

Cosmic Coultrane

Dear Cosmic,

Yes.

BartCop

Can a Ditto-Monkey Learn?
History says no, but consider this:

"Pat Robertson needs to be put back in the bottle," says Scott Reed, Dole's 1996 campaign boss.
"Somebody needs to pick up the phone and tell him to stop."

Rich Bond, former chairman of the RNC agreed that Mr. Robertson, the Coathanger Coalition
and the rightward drift by Smirk might cost him moderate voters from both parties.

"But he makes it much harder with these Bob Jones and Pat Robertson episodes,
which makes Northeast, blue-collar, former Democrat, Catholic voters very uncomfortable."

Some of Mr. Bush's advisers are well aware that Smirk has acquired
an image different from the one he wanted.

Ask BartCop

From: Btw72@aol.com

Why did both McCain and Shrubya miss an opportunity to put Bob Jones in his
rightfully bigoted box? They cain't he'p it. They know the donor lists are thick
with BJUers and their fellow travellers.

Do you think Smirk is smart enough to think that this mud hut
institution known as BJU might be a problem in the real world?

Btw72@aol.com

Dear Btw72@aol.com

No.

BartCop

5 PM New York time

I'll bet plywood is selling for $100 a sheet at this moment.

Paul Begala Shoots the Bull

Meanwhile in Bushland, W flew home to Austin to preside over the killing of Betty Lou Beets,
a great-grandmother. The last time Bush allowed a woman to be killed, he laughed about it,
mocking Karla Fay Tucker's desperate last plea for her life in an interview with "Talk" magazine.

(Please don't kill me.)

I never again want to hear lectures about character
from a man who can laugh at a condemned woman's final plea for life.

Great BartCop-Republican Quotes

The press isn't quite so biased and liberal. They're actually conservative sometimes,
I admit it. The whole idea of the 'liberal media' was often used as an excuse
by conservatives for conservative failures."
--Bill Kristol on CNN

Bill, "used?"
As in the past tense?
Do you own an AM radio?

VCR Alert

Smirk's top campaign strategist Karl Rove is on Meet the Catholic Sunday.

I think I'd rather have Robbie Kneivel's job than Rove's job.

Open Line Friday

Second hour, liberal female caller from Bitchigan gets thru.

Caller: Hi, Rush, I'm voting for either Gore or McCain.
If Gore's not the nominee, I'll vote for McCain.

Pigboy: What's wrong with Bush? You won't vote for him?

Caller: No, I think the president should be smarter than me.

Pigboy: Gotta go, out of time...

ha ha

Pigboy Attacks Jews

New York - Rush Limba, noted right-wing radio whore, today compared Hasidic Jews
to the redneck, race-baiting swill that populates the Republican party in Carolina.

According to the racist Pigboy, the Hasidic Jew men listened to Gore inside the temple
while the women and children waited outside.

"This is outrageous," whaled Limba.
"This proves Gore is anti-woman and anti-children," he continued to whale.
"If George Bush is in trouble for whoring for votes from redneck, race-baiting,
Catholic-hating, Jew-hating, toothless, Dixie flag-waving Cro-Mags in Carolina,
then Gore should be in trouble for speaking to these Jews," said Piggy Pigboy.

Amazing...

Since he made his anti-Semetic attacks via radio,
it was not known if Limba was wearing his lil' square mustache or not.

Tidbits

This week, Senate Democrats went after John D. Ashcroft (R-Racist Bastard),
who is facing a tough reelection bid this year, for accepting an honorary degree
from Bob Jones University in May.

Sidebar
Racist Ashcroft, we must not forget, was the number one screamer for more details
of the activity between the president and his girlfriend, Monica. In a close call that
nobody knows about, we at bartcop.com had a story ready to publish concerning
Racist Ashcroft. I made the statement on bartcop.com that if Ashcroft mentioned
his craving for details una vas mas, I was going to print a story that would've tested
the First Amendment courage of not only bartcop.com but of ctyme.com as well.

To his credit, Marc Perkel, owner of ctyme.com and webmaster of bartcop.com
said he would allow the printing verbatim anything sent to his server for publication.
To his credit, Racist Ashcroft toned down his call for more details.

Lawmakers in both houses are introducing resolutions condemning the university's policies,
and the Democratic Congressional Campaign Committee yesterday distributed a memo
on Bob Jones University's racist policies to help its candidates attack Republicans.

Did you know there are 30,000,000 Catholics in America?

========

Limericks

From: mr_dogpants@yahoo.com

Hey, Bartcop!

The brothers Bush pulled a rare (if not unprecedented) double yesterday;
Both iced death row inmates on the same day,
but Dubyuh still leads in spousally-abused grandmothers, 1 to 0.
Bar must be so proud!

There was a Bush-leaguer named Dubyuh
Whose presidential campaign was in trubyuh
To help, he took pause
to kill several grandmas
and all who the wrong way did rubyuh.

Mark Baker

Mark, that was excellent.
Send more like that.
bc

========

Ask BartCop

From: butlerb1@yahoo.com

BartCop,
You may have read this from Reuters about Betty Lou Beets' execution, but read this quote again.

"The state of Texas did the right thing tonight by putting Betty Lou Beets to death,"
said Rodney Barker, who wore a black cowboy hat. "I want the world to know
there is always going to be a death penalty in the state of Texas and they need to use it."

Shouldn't we fear the uneducated bastard voters of Texas?
Brandi Butler

Dear Brandi,

Yes,

BartCop

========

Great Smirk Quotes

"Let me make it crystal clear: I reject bigotry, I reject prejudice,
I repudiate anti-Catholicism and racism," Smirk lied.

"And I reject the politics of those who try to pit one group of Americans against another,
of those who try to divide us based on our race and our faith, but please, try to understand:
I was going to lose Carolina without the anti-Catholic, anti-Jew redneck voters."

Smirk is also getting hit from within his own party for visiting the school.
"I think it was stupid," said Connecticut Gov. John Rowland, a Catholic who backs the loser.

Oklahoma Gov. Frank Keating, another Republican Smirk backer, said:
"I think the anti-Catholic allegations hurt even though they proved to be false."

Proved to be false?
Proved to be false?
What kind of clumsy, politically-stupid idiot would say ...

Oh, it's Knuckledrag's snake-handling, cock-fighting Governor Keating.
No wonder he said the anti-Catholic charged against Smirk were proven false.
He's a lying son-of-a-bitch.

Hey, Smirk, how about some good, old-fashioned, smug racist pride?

"I don't make any apologies for what I do on the campaign trail."

-- Smirk, after his visit to racist Bob Jones University

========

Several senior Smirk fund-raisers complained today that the campaign
had squandered its once-daunting financial edge, spending $60 million
on a campaign that has so far netted only 57 delegates.

McCain has 95 delegates.

Hey, Smirk, that works out to $1,053,000 for each delegate.
And part of your "allure" is that you're a businessman?

ha ha

I'll bet you could've bought them for $100,000 each, you schmuck!

========

Top Smirk Aide

"The Governor will not lose a single state due to a lack of money."

ha ha,
Make him stop!

So what IS the reason he's losing all those states?

ha ha

========

Know Your Candidate

From: teabow@msn.com and the Washington Post

Subject: Candidates' lists

When voters were asked to name three things they knew about the Republican candidates,
the McCain list reads "reform," "straight shooter" and "war hero."

The Smirk list reads "dad's son," "rich" and "establishment choice."

Peter Thibeau

========

"You can be a man!!"

--War Hero McCain, doing his Don Corleone impression for Smirk aide John Engler (R-Butterboy)
who complained that McCain "rented Democrats for the night" to beat Smirk in Bitchigan.

========

Ask BartCop

From: FizzTwo@aol.com

Can Bush win ANY states outside of the Confederacy, besides Idaho and Utah?

Fizztwo

Dear FizzTwo,

No.

BartCop

========

Breaking News

SACRAMENTO, Calif. (AP) -- Saying attacks from a fellow Republican left his
1996 presidential campaign battered, bruised, broke, Bob Dole urged GOP rivals
Smirk the Alcoholic and the John the War Hero to stop bickering.

"Gov. Bush agrees, and that's why we're so distressed with the shitball tactics that
Senator Whiner is employing," Smirk spokesman Ari Fleischer said.

"We welcome Dole's statement and we hope the Texecutioner hears it,"
said McCain spokesman Dan McLagan.

========

Did you know, as a voting block, there are more
Catholics in America than any other religion?

Is Smirk too damn stupid to know that?
Or does he just too racist to give a flying eff?

It's Cartoon-O-Rama!

ha ha

He even walks with a smirk.

Look at what that awful Smirk is doing now...

How's your Spanish?

@ Lord StarFyre

February 24, 2000

There She Goes Again!

Nasty, nasty Laura Schlessinger went after the gays again Thursday.
I swear, it's just not worth waking up in the morning if she can't fuck with the gays.

Laura has two basic problems with gay people:
1. They're always wanting to get married, and,
2. They're so promiscuous.

You see?
You just can't win when you're fighting hate and racism.

The Republicans just want gays to "go away," like Hitler did the Jews.
They don't want the gays having sex, either.
They think gays should have the decency to admit they are deviant,
and once they admit that, they should forego sex for their entire lives.

Funny, even Catholic priests, who've dedicated their lives to God on
the basis of their celibacy have a very, very tough time keeping that vow.
But the gays should involuntarily take and keep that vow?
So the right wing can get on with their lives like normal, decent people?

There He Goes Again!

The Big Pig had the same kind of Thursday that the she-Nazi had.
Between personal slurs against John McCain, Pigboy spent most of his time
attacking the bad and evil Al Gore. According to Field Marshall Limbaugh,
back in 1979, Al Gore voted for some not-so-liberal tax breaks for some
less-than-liberal institutions, so that makes him a racial bigot today.

For some reason known only to supply-siders and insane Bible-thumpers,
the votes Gore cast back in the seventies are so much worse than Gov Smirk
crawling into bed with the Catholic-hating, race-baiting Cro-Mags who run
that southern-style univeristy that Bob Jones founded.

Somehow, Gore's leanings from 21 years ago excuse Smirk's 2000 racism?

You want to know what's even worse than that?
Back in 1964, Piggy said Al Gore's daddy voted against the Civil Rights Act.
We don't know if that's true, because Piggy always lies, but even if it was,
how could that possibly excuse Smirk from using Bob Jones to send the signal
to the racist cavemen of the South that, "I'm your kind of man?"

And just to prove he's a cocky, racist nutcase, Rush taunted the Democrats:
"You want to bring up Bob Jones University?
Fine - we hope you do, because everytime you do, we're going to remind
voters that twenty-one years ago, Al Gore was almost as racist as Smirk
is in the year 2000 and we're not going to let you forget that."

Yes, racism and hate are the main components of the Republican party.
Just as nitrogen and oxygen make up the air we breathe,
racism and hate make up the Republican Party, and everybody knows it.

Nasty Laura Schlessinger and the nasty Pigboy and their hateful friends are leading
the GOP over another cliff, just like they did in 1992 and 1996.

Remember 1992?
"George Butch had the worst-run campaign in modern history."

Remember 1996?
"Bob Dole had the worst-run campaign in modern history."

Remember 2000?

Compassion Texas-Style

HUNTSVILLE, Texas (Reuters) - Betty Lou Beets, who sought mercy on grounds
she was a battered wife, became the second woman executed in Texas since the 1860s
when she was iced by lethal injection on Thursday for killing her fifth husband.

Beets, a 62-year-old great grandmother who drew support from anti-domestic violence
advocates and human rights groups, made no final statement, but appeared to have
a slight smile on her face, witnesses said.

Beets attorney Joe Margulies said Bush's failure to act showed that his campaign claim
of being a "compassionate conservative," was, in reality, "a dirty, stinking lie."
"There is nothing compassionate in what was done," Margulies said.
"It is an act of cowardice. Murder is cowardice."

Prosecutors say she killed Beets to collect his insurance and pension money,
but Beets didn't even know her husband had insurance until she was on death row.

Oh, well...

Gov. Smirk needs to send a signal to the McVeigh wing of his right-wing party
that he's tough on crime, .....so some sacrifices have to be made, I suppose.

Wow!

Did you see the fantastic jump Robbie Kneivel made Wednesday night?
Let's look at the excitement, frame by frame
.
Ordinarily, Robbie can sit on his bike and rev the motor and get "ready" to jump
but this time he has to go when the train is ready, when the train gets to "Point A."
When he first hit the gas, his tires spun in place and he went nowhere for a second or two.
This is bad when you have a date with an oncoming train.

Here he comes towards ramp, moving from right to left.

Coming up to the ramp, the train is moving left to right and is
going to destroy that wooden ramp in less than two seconds.

Kneivel is barely visible as he starts up the ramp.

Here, you see the train about to smash the ramp,
and Kneivel is still on that ramp, waiting to launch skyward.

At this moment, there's not even time to say, "One Massabama"
before the train, the ramp, and apparently Kneivel, will become one.

Damn, my heart is pounding watching these stills!
At this point, the train is traveling east going 38 MPH,
and Cycleboy is heading west doing about 120 MPH.
Here you see the train starting to crush the ramp as Kneivel's head
and shoulders appear at the beginning of his launch into the air.

Will he survive?

A fraction of a second later, he's still on the ramp, and that trains's still a-comin'.
I don't know what you do for a living, but this man has more balls than Susan McDougal.
What's it like staring into the eye of an oncoming train?

Another view from far away.
Remember, the train's doing 38 MPH, Robbie's doing 120.
If this doesn't look that close, remember the speed he's traveling.

As predicted by bartcop.com that ramp no longer exists.
If you look very closely, you can see Robbie in the exact center of this shot,
lost in the cloud of steam coming out of this hundred-year old train.

In most jumps, we're just getting to the exciting part.

In this jump, Robbie has survived the launch, all he has to do now
is figure out where the ramp is, where his bike is, what angle he's working on,
the pitch and speed of his bike, and nevermind that he's f-ing blind at the moment.

With the steam and smoke out of his eyes, he regains the gift of sight,
and he can begin to start the landing calculations in his head.

With buoa fortuna, Robbie discovers the ramp is right where it's supposed to be.
All he's gotta do now is figure out a way to land.

Back on Earth, but still going 120 MPH, Robbie wonders why
they didn't put more effort into the stopping part of the show.

Now shooting across a bumpy Texas field doing 100 MPH,
Robbie wishes he'd listened to his mother about becoming an accountant.

A wall of hay brings a soft landing to a fantastic jump.

Finally, Robbie runs to a microphone to praise God.
Good for him.

When you make a jump like that, you can praise
snake-handling or cock-fighting as far as I'm concerned.

Whew!

There's nothing like a cycle jump. It's got all the excitement of
a Superbowl and a heavyweight fight all crammed into about 30 seconds.

Hear how it sounded.

Robbie, you delivered the goods on February 23, 2000.

A Shot of Chinaco for Robbie Kneivel!

You might want to check out http://www.bushfiles.com but don't wait too long.

Smirk might not be with us very much longer.

Suing Salonmagazine.com

From: dr.bomb@usa.net

Concerning suing salon.com over the alleged thievery of your article would be
wrong in one sense. Larry Klayman and the House Mis-Managers wanted to
get the FBI to investigate 'em over exposing Henry "Hypocritical Hank" Hyde
favorite warm place to put his pee pee instead of inside his wife.

That First Amendment freedom of speech thing is another wacky element
(it isn't an EXACT article but it sure wasn't an original idea.)

Your call. You COULD pull a Klayman or take the high road.
What would President William Jefferson Clinton do?

--dr.bomb

Dr. Bomb,

Alleged thievery?
ha ha
They don't want this anywhere near a jury.
Seven issues back - it'd be a tough sell that they wrote it first.

Free Speech is a good thing, but re-writing a bit from bartcop.com
and claiming it as their own is a bad, bad thing.

What would Clinton do?
He'd probably get a hummer from the pretty female attorney Salon sent to settle this.

From Politically Incorrect with Bill Maher

"George W. Bush says it's a marathon. I guess the only other long,
trying experience he can compare it with is rehab. Or sixth-grade."

"First Bush said he was the "compassionate conservative," then he was
the "reformer with results." Next he'll be the astronaut or the cowboy."

ha ha

How about some good old Catholic hate rhetoric
from Gov Smirk's friends at Bob Jones University?

http://www.bju.edu/faith/vol9num6/movement.html

Romanism is a pagan counterfeit of the Christian religion, ancient paganism and idolatry,
claiming to be the church which Christ founded. While the other groups and denominations
have differed historically on questions of scriptural interpretation, their common origin is biblical.
Romanism is a religion of works. Protestantism is a religion of free grace. The Roman Church
is not another Christian denomination. It is a satanic counterfeit, an ecclesiastic tyranny over
the souls of men, not to bring them to salvation but to hold them bound in sin and to hurl them
into eternal damnation. It is the old harlot of the book of the Revelation--"the Mother of Harlots."

Hey, Smirk!
You counting on the Catholic vote?

ha ha

Y'know, it reads a little like Betty Bowers, but,
for some reason, it's not hysterically funny like Betty is.

Smirk, Listen Up

From: jsw1@hotmail.com

Subject: Three Questions for Dubya

Question #1: Who do Republicans say is responsible for the tremendous
growth in our economy over the last 8 years?

Answer: Alan Greenspan. (Not, presumably, Bill Clinton.)

Question #2: What is Alan Greenspan's recent take on the budget surplus and
recent economic growth?

Answer: That the growth in the economy is unsustainable, that the economy
is growing TOO fast, that any surpluses should be used to pay down the debt,
and that a significant tax cut result in interest rate hikes.

Question #3: What is George W. Bush's economic plan?

Answer: To essentially do everything that Alan Greenspan recommends AGAINST.

Isn't this precious?
Republicans say that the only reason the economy has been so strong over the past
eight years was because Bill Clinton listened to what Alan Greenspan had to say.
And apparently they think the economy can be even STRONGER if they now just
IGNORE everything that Alan Greenspan has to say.

Jeff Williams

I still haven't heard from the legal team at Salonmagazine.com
Since they've been (generally) a friend to our president,
I'm going to be nice and give them more time to answer.

My friendly letter to them:

Subject: Plagiarism is a bad, bad thing

SALON MAGAZINE.COM
You might want to check the following URL.

http://www.bartcop.com/late.htm

As of Wednesday evening, the 22nd, it's the first story posted.
If you check it sometime later, it won't be the top story
but if you search for the word, "thief," it should come right up.

I think plagiarism is a bad, bad thing.
I'm guessing your first defense would be,
"We were just quoting GOP pollster Tony Fabrizio."

I understand.
Funny that Fabrizio's words AND your title seem to be appropriated from
the words published weeks ago, (eight issues back) on bartcop.com

On the other hand...

We ARE pulling on the same end of the rope.
I like Clinton a lot more than most of the "liberal media."

I would appreciate hearing from your legal team as soon as possible.
We're on the same team.
Let's be friends and make this go away.

bartcop@bartcop.com

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