Honest Feedback
From: tweatherred@earthlink.net
I have to disagree with you about Juan Gonzales
listening to Rush.
He claims to have turned down 2 million
dollars, a house, and a job
offered to him to defect, and the best
reason I can come up with is
that he listens to Rush and Mrs. Bishop.
If those two were my first impression of
this country,
you couldn't pay me enough to stay, either.
Ted
ha ha
Mrs. Bishop?
ha ha
We haven't been there in a while...
Laura the She-Devil has such an ego, she made her husband agree to call
their son Dehhereche Schlessinger instead of Bishop, which is
his father's surname.
Give me an honest answer to this:
How much shit would Clinton get, if Chelsea's last name was Rodham?
Repeat:
How much shit would Clinton get, if Chelsea's last name was Rodham?
And it's not that she's a feminist.
Oh, Noooooooooo
It's not about equality or fairness.
This is about Queen Ego getting her way!
Did you know it takes twelve tugboats to dock her ego?
Yeah, they keep Laura's ego in that giant hanger in Long Beach, California
where they kept the Spruce
Goose before they shipped it off to Oregon.
They had to widen the hanger 60 feet.
If Laura was a radical feminist, his surname would be Schlessinger-Bishop.
But noooooooooooooooooooo.
Only one person can wear the pants in this family,
and Lou Bishop ain't no Promise Keeper!
...and, because I'm trying to ease up on the bad language,
I won't mention that poor Dehhereche was born a bastard.
U.S. Has Warmest Jan-March Period on Record - NOAA
(Reuters) - The United States this year
had its warmest-ever
January-to-March period since authorities
began keeping records
106 years ago, government scientists said
on Tuesday.
The latest data also showed temperatures
from June 1999 to
March 2000 were the warmest on record,
increasing the likelihood
of more severe weather in the future, according
to the National
Oceanic and Atmospheric Administration
(NOAA).
``Our climate is warming at a faster rate than
ever before recorded,''
said NOAA administrator James Baker. ``Small
changes in global
temperatures can lead to more extreme weather
events,
including droughts, floods and hurricanes,''
he warned.
NOAA's findings coincided with a draft report
just released by the world's
leading climate researchers, who concluded that
greenhouse gases
caused by human activity have resulted in global
warming.
More lies from the liberal pinhead academic elitists?
Rush put his reputation on the line, said this was a hoax.
...and God is financing the talent, so Rush is right again.
The temperatures are getting warmer and the poles are melting
because the Earth is NOT getting warmer!
Ice always melts when it's not getting warmer.
Say the Secret Word, a
Duck Drops Down
From: jcolwel2@ford.com
Subject: Dick Morris
Watching Hannity and Colmes last night,
Morris offered this advice to Gov. Bush
and the Republicans:
Do NOTHING but say "Will you pardon Bill
Clinton?"
to Al Gore from now until election day.
So George W. is going to win by saying,
"Will you pardon Bill Clinton?"
to Al Gore 5,000 times? Is Morris
a double-double agent, helping Al Gore by
pretending to hate the Democrats and then
telling Republicans to engage in the
silliest strategy since Viagra Bob quit
the Senate to prove he's just a regular guy?
I am confused, can you help me understand if Morris is friend or foe?
Joe
Joe,
With apologies to my friend Barbra, Morris is a whore.
He was working for Trent Lott while working for Clinton.
Clinton knows he's a whore, but he and I both think Morris is
a very smart man.
Toe-sucker and all, he thinks of things that others miss and
that makes him valuable.
He's on nobody's side but his wallet's.
As far as the "pardon" strategy, if Smirk had any brains at
all,
ha ha
he'd avoid that word like the plague.
The very, very, very, very last thing he wants is pardon-talk.
If I was Smirk, I'd rather talk about alcohol and cocaine than
pardons.
It's like being in court: Once Smirk says the "P" word,
Gore is free to ask
Smirk's opinion of his Daddy burying the Iran-Contra crimes BEFORE
we got
the truth about who, exactly, committed multiple felonies with
our enemies.
Gore is a prize fighter. During the debates, his corner
will tell him,
"When Smirk throws the pardon, counter with the crimes of Reagan/Butch."
Ross Perot went a few rounds with Gore and left politics.
Dan Quayle went a few rounds with Gore and lost everything.
Jack Kemp went a few rounds with Gore and hasn't been heard from
since.
Morris is thinking with his wallet, so he wants Gore to win.
True Mail
From: janetofavalon@hotmail.com
Subject: Sign that McCain knows he's the G.O.P. nominee
Dear Bartcop,
John McCain must be anticipating to be the G.O.P. nominee.
I see that he is going to Carolina to denounce the confederate flag.
I guess Gore won't be able to use that issue against him in the fall.
Janet
From: Barb M
Subject: Language
Hello BartCop,
I want to share with you that I enjoy reading
your site.
I do have one small concern, though.
Some of the oomph gets lost in all of the
"whore"/"fuck" language.
I would love to send a link to your site
to numerous friends,
but I can't because they would have trouble
seeing past the foul language,
which, by the way, smacks of the way my
teenage son talks with his friends
when they think adults can't hear them.
I'm not saying obscenities aren't useful,
but when they are peppered so
liberally, it cuts down on your audience,
which is too bad.
Sincerely,
A fan
Barb,
Thanks for the letter.
I know you mean it.
You have a point.
I could use "better" language.
I could take out the fucks, and the goddamns and the whores.
I could also remove the nudity, and the hells and damns.
I could lose some of the outrage and add some get-along.
I could use my head a little more, and my heart a little less.
I could take the proper approach more often.
But I'd like to make two points.
The friends with whom you cannot share bartcop.com,
do they have HBO?
It's my opinion I "work" cleaner than Dennis Miller, Chris Rock,
Lenny Bruce, Richard Pryor, George Carlin and other masters of
comedy.
It's not my intention to copy them, although Damon Wayans once
said,
"If you haven't stolen from Richard Pryor, you're probably not very funny."
Right now I could quote a line from every one of those great comics
that I'd never use on this website. To prove it, I'll give you
just one.
Do your friends enjoy George Carlin?
On his last special, Carlin said someone "smells like an anchovy's
cunt."
I would never go that far, but Carlin does.
He's comfortable with that language, I'm not.
I only printed that to show that there is some restraint
here.
My second point - the Inhofe story below?
That bastard making a joke like that just hours after
168 people died
makes me want to scream "Mother-fucker!" at the top of my lungs,
but I rarely do.
Sure, I could've said "It was inappropriate for Senator Inhofe
to mock those
fellow-Oklahomans who were just murdered in a terrorist attack,"
but I
get angry just thinking about that son-of-a-bitch Pissquik
and his "jokes."
(calmly...)
(deep breath...)
You noticed that there are no banners currently on bartcop.com
I talked to several ad companies about banners, in an attempt
to expand,
but they said they could not do business with me because of my
content.
That's OK.
My content is my content.
I'm not going to suit up for a few bucks, or for a lot
of bucks.
Making money is one thing,
but changing what I say for money would make me a whore!
I'll unplug my computer before I turn whore.
I promise I don't think I'm in their league, but Bruce, Pryor,
Carlin and others
lost gigs and lived in their cars, or worse, because they wanted
to be free
to say what was in their heart. This web site will either live
or die the way it is,
and I'll live with the result either way.
If this site was about the St Louis Rams, or the Grand Canyon
or Route 66,
the language would be much different. Strong language isn't needed
there.
"The goddamn team scored a fucking touchdown" is stupid-talk.
But I'm fighting with whites-only, let's-hang-the-gays Nazi-pigs.
I'm trying to show how wrong they and their backward ideas are.
Sometimes I get a little worked up.
Forgive me.
In case I forget:
Five years ago tomorrow, a reporter asked Senator Pissquik,
"How many federal workers were in the Murrah building?"
What did that son-of-a-bitch say?
"It depends on how many were playing hookey."
The hate that oozes from the rank-and-file Republican is hard
to believe.
Inhofe, Reagan, the vulgar Pigboy, McVeigh, Delay, Jerry Falwell,
Laura
How can anybody tell them apart?
From: Nels@Kanza.Net
Subject: The real truth
It is easy to see by your page that you
are just like all libs. & can't
stand the truth. Keep up the spin, the
public is starting to see what you
libs are up to, that is to try and hide
the truth.
Nels in Kansas City
Nels, you forgot three things:
1 - All I do is a bunch of name-calling
2 - Rush is a great American
3 - BartCop is an ignoranc maroon.
Let me ask you - if our side is trying to hide the truth,
why is Eisenhower the last Republican President
who was not sprayed by the pardon skunk?
Hmmmmm?
Defense Wins Update
From:mr911@hotmail.com
Subject: Clearing history in IE
For IE, the process is View -> Internet
Options,
and the history settings can be changed
under the "General" tab.
Nate
Nate,
You may have just saved somebody's job.
Thanks to Bob Loonsbury
Defense Always Wins
I heard someone say that 55 percent of employers check their
employee's computers to see where they've been surfing.
If you have Netscape, hit "Edit" then "Preferences," then "Navigator."
Click "Clear History," and "Clear Location Bar," to hide your
footprints.
each day before you go home, just to be safe.
You can also lower the amount of days for your history memory.
Maybe someone who knows Explorer could offer similar tips?
The Sky is Falling
From: jsw1@hotmail.com
God-damn it!
The Dow is down 73 points today!
Damn Bill Clinton!
Bill Clinton has had absolutely nothing
to do with this 8 year long economic
miracle that we've been going through.
But if Bill Clinton wants to except
the credit for this fantastic run that
the economy had gone through, then fine!
Then he better take the blame for this dip
in the Dow.
Bill Clinton IS TO BLAME for this dip in
the Stock Market.
This is MY 401K plan that's going in the
toilet. And if all those liberals out there
want to give credit for Bill Clinton for
this economy, they better be ready to
blame him for this recession we're about
to go into.
As I write this the Dow is now up 205 points...
oops!
You know...the reason that the economy is
so strong
is because the Republicans are in control
of Congress.
Jeff Williams
(Ediotr's Note: ha ha
You had me going for a minute there.
Just to be patriotic, for lunch, I bought 15 shares of
AOL.)
P.S. I have it on good sources that
ABC Monday Night Football will
announce that they have chosen Rush Limbaugh
to co-anchor their
broadcasts with Al Michaels. They will
also announce their new slogan...
"ABC Monday Night Football: putting the
pig back in pigskin."
ha ha
Stupid, Stupid El Pigbo
Quotes
(speaking on the issue of gun control, Rush
just said)
"Why is it that you want to pass laws to make the government
do things that you ought to be doing in your own home?"
Let's get this straight:
The GOP wants government-sponsored prayer,
but they think gun control should be left to the parents?
They can't be this stupid - they just can't be.
Links
If you'd like to see a web page similar to bartcop.com
except it's
written with much more intelligence, check out Steve's
Political Page.
He has a daily refutation of the Porked One.
He's a One Man Bay of Pigs
"I can guarantee you Elian's Dad listens to my show."
-- Hate Boy, first hour.
Gee Rush, considering you're doing everything in your power
to separate that father from his son, it's, ...it's, ...it's
so LOGICAL
that he'd want to listen to your hate speech, yeah, that's logical...
Shooting Update
From: ByrneB@CTT.com
Subject: senior citizen shooting.
BartCop,
that shooting in suburban Detroit?
What I want to know is,
WHERE WERE THE PARENTS?
Brendan Byrne
Five Years Ago Today...
Tim Government-is-the-Problem McVeigh loaded his truck
and sped south on Interstate 35 towards Oklahoma City.
Ask BartCop
From: ruckfush@n2mischief.com
Subject: Ask Bartcop
Hola, BC:
I was just sitting here, enjoying the reverie
brought on by my big,
smokey treat, when it occurred to me that
the reich-wing _wants_
the economy to tank, because
a) it would tarnish Clinton's legacy and
b) it would hurt Gore's chances come November.
Since the GOP has already proven they would
rip holes in the
Constitution to grab at Clinton's cock,
would it be too crazy to think
they would wreck the economy in a Get-Clinton
inspired mania?
Ruck
Dear Ruck,
My reply is no.
BartCop
Parody Site Beats Back Smirk Machine
This Just In...
NRA opens branch office in Senior Citizen Center south of Detroit.
More as details come in...
Ask BartCop
From: sniper@cei.net
Subject: Yet another thought
When Clinton was running for president,
the GOP called him an "absentee Governor."
Since Smirk is rarely in Texas, is he an
"absentee Governor?"
Sonny
Dear Sonny,
Yes.
BartCop
Just a reminder...
George Bush is not going to be the Republican nominee.
Great Latino Quotes
"I, myself, am a father, and Elian deserves to be with his father.
I'd resort to whatever means to be with my son - even
violence."
-- Paul Rodriguez, a comic who'd not kidding.
How smoggy is it in Houston right now?
How many elderly people won't see tomorrow because Smirk has
allowed Houston to have the dirtiest, unbreatheable air in America??
Thanks to Politex at bushwatch.com
While you're there, check Bush's
Whitewater,
discovered by Gene Lyons and my good friend Joe Conason.
Remember the great "I'm a Nazi" song Rush sings?
There's now a German version:
http://members.xoom.com/wmktong/bootnewt/einnazi.htm
Paula Jones: rock-and-roll groupie?
The word out of Arkansas is that the twangy-voiced
presidential accuser is
spending a little too much time lurking around
backstage at concerts in Little Rock.
Jones has been spotted mooning around the likes
of Willie Nelson
and Bruce Springsteen, and a source tells me
that, just last week,
she was hanging around behind the scenes at a
sold-out KISS
concert "wearing a skin-tight leather mini-skirt
and a very low-cut
blouse and toddling on high heels."
ha ha
Good luck, Paula!
Any man who "dates" you better have a great lawyer.
And those rockers?
They're not looking for sexual intercourse, Paula.
They're looking for something your husband told reporters you won't
do,
and they're looking for that from girls who are PRETTY!.
(And the Republicans keep asking why NOW wasn't interested in helping
this "poor woman" when she tried to blackmail the White House.)
Good luck, Paula.
VCR Alert
Tonight on A&E's Biography - the updated Laura Harpy biography.
(Click on Photo)
For a woman who wrote the book on TEN STUPID THINGS
WOMEN DO
TO MESS UP THEIR LIVES, Laura has made her share
of mistakes.
We explore what went wrong with Laura's first
marriage,
why she hasn't spoken to her mother in more than
a decade,
and how those nude (old) pictures of Laura wound
up on the Internet. .
(Ediotr's note: I hope my name isn't mentioned.)
Here's Something to get your motor running.
ha ha
What's more fun than politics?
Mail Bag
This horseshit showed up in my mailbox.
This is another example of why the GOP is going to lose this
year, too.
As a party, they are so willing to wallow in the mud and make
stuff up,
rather than come up with a better message than
"More Guns, More Tobacco, More God and Less Education."
Friends
I was sent this by a friend of mine...remember
to vote in November, please.
(Yeah - we will.)
"A special thanks to those who voted for Clinton-Gore"
As I was making a run to the Post Office
the other day,
I patiently waited for a car to vacate
a parking space near
the door. As the rear of the vehicle came
toward me, I
noticed a bumper sticker that read, in
big, bold letters,
"THANK ME. I VOTED CLINTON-GORE."
Of course, the bumper sticker was printed
in response
to an earlier sticker that adorned some
automobiles six
years ago. Back then, as President Bill
and Hillary were
attempting to nationalize health care and
play havoc with
the discipline and fiber of the military,
"Don't Blame Me.
I voted for Bush" was the message on many
bumpers.
Pondering the message of the brave, stubborn
soul in the
car ahead of me, I considered all the things
I could be
thankful for as a result of the Clinton-Gore
regime.
I discovered that my list is long.
THANK YOU for introducing me to Gennifer
Flowers,
Paula Jones, Monica Lewinsky and about
two dozen other
names that I might not have met and known
otherwise.
No, Scaife paid "reporters" to dig up women
who were willing
to sell their dignity, and the tabloids
gave us Gennifer Flowers.
Paula Jones was produced by the right-wing
evangelists
and Monica was a Republican-produced "scandal."
Something you need to be reminded of again
and again and again:
Clinton wanted Monica HIDDEN.
It was Newt and Delay who wanted to make
Monica famous.
Go ahead and just try to deny that.
THANK YOU for allowing a war hero and the
author of
one of the most successful military campaigns
in history to
leave the presidency, because, no
matter how successful he
was, you, in all your moral outrage, just
couldn't tolerate
someone who would lie to the American people
by promising
"no new taxes' and then going back on his
word. You
certainly couldn't have liar in the White
House, could you?
Bush wasn't "allowed" to leave the White
House.
His incompetent ass was fired by the
voters.
Bush was successful?
At what?
Getting us involved in wars?
Right now, how many thousands of
men have Gulf War Syndrome?
You're right about one thing - we can't
have a liar in the White House.
Remember when Dole said, "It's the White
House or Russell, Kansas?"
That was a big, fat lie.
He never, ever had any intention
of seeing Kansas again.
Bush lied constantly while in office.
"I was out of the loop" when Reagan sold
missles to Big Terror!!
Everybody knows that was a lie.
THANK YOU for showing all the men and women
in America that sexual
harassment in the work place, and on the
job, is okay as long as it involves
powerful middle age executives and the
young women half their age under
their power. It is, after all, a "private
matter."
No, Hardon Kenneth says Monica pursued
him.
Or don't you believe Starr?
Welcome to the club.
THANK YOU for revealing that the agenda
of the National
Organization of Women only includes some
women. Women
like Anita Hill, and not women like Paula
Jones, Monica Lewinsky, etc.
Anita Hill didn't spend the night of her
accusation
in a $2500 suite
paid for by corrupt religious fakers.
Paula Jones ran into the spotlight screaming
"I'm the Paula in that artcile that nobody
has read."
Funny, she didn't make the accusation until
she saw dollar signs.
Added bonus:
Professor Hill never spread her legs for a camera, like Paula
did.
...and Monica only needed protection from Hardon Kenneth.
THANK YOU for allowing us to come to the
realization that
"sexual relations" is not clearly defined
after all. Funny, all these years,
I thought that oral sex really had something
to do with sex.
A famous fat man once said, "Words mean
things."
Look up "sexual relations" in a dictionary,
read it out loud.
Besides, nobody ever asked Clinton,
"Does oral sex have anything to do with
sex?"
THANK YOU for giving us a president who
discusses his
choice of underwear with teenagers. I always
wondered if
presidents wore boxers or briefs.
We'll give you that one. It's your first.
THANK YOU for installing a man who reminds
me of those
good old days of pot smoking (without inhaling)
and war
protesting. (Us Viet Nam vets especially
love him for this)
Non sequiter.
THANK YOU for showing me that the ridiculous
plot of the
movie, "Wag the Dog," could really be plausible
after all.
No, Reagan showed us that when he invaded
Grenada to distract
the public from his disasterous Lebanon
mistake that killed 220 Marines.
Don't you know anything about anything?
And you claim to be a veteran?
You don't care about the 220 dead Marines
and you don't care
about the thousands of men with Gulf War
Syndrome.
All you know is that Clinton is a bad,
bad man.
THANK YOU for re-introducing the concept
of "impeachment"
to a new generation that missed the discussion
surrounding
it the last time it was brought up.
There you go again - trying to saddle Clinton
with the mistakes
made by the Ditto-Monkey 105th Congress.
Remember, tie a goddamn string on your
finger if you have to,
Bob Barr drew up impeachment papers before
there was a Monica.
Before the "crime" of Monica, they knew
they were going to impeach,
they just hadn't decided on the "crime"
yet.
THANK YOU for curing me of my addiction to the evening news.
All Clinton ever wanted to do was be president
and get a little oral sex.
Your friends, the Republicans, made oral
sex dinner conversation.
THANK YOU for reminding me that the government
that gave us
The Internal Revenue Service and the welfare
state, also
lust for control of the greatest health
care system in the world.
Aspirin in a hospital costs $88 because
the system is broke.
Clinton fixed everything but health
care.
If your side hadn't screamed "no more doctors,"
health care would be as well off as the
economy right now.
THANK YOU for reminding me that the FBI,
who has files
on millions of Americans, can give those
files to people
powerful enough to demand them.
Robert Ray, Starr's "finisher" said that
was a clerical error, nothing more.
You don't believe Starr, so you won't believe
Ray, right?
THANK YOU for reminding me that, when all
is said and done,
character really, really doesn't matter.
The only person that ever said that
was the vulgar Pigboy.
No Democrat ever said those words.
THANK YOU for making Dan Quayle look like
a Rhodes Scholar.
THANK YOU for making Jimmy Carter look
competent.
THANK YOU for making Gerald Ford look graceful.
THANK YOU for making Richard Nixon look
honest.
THANK YOU for making Lyndon Johnson look
truthful.
THANK YOU for making John Kennedy look
moral.
Cute, but meaningless.
Let's just say that all the people who
think Quayle is smarter than Clinton
are going to vote for Smirk in November.
THANK YOU for reminding me of the importance of term limits.
Tell that to Steve Largent, the super-Christian
who just
broke his promise to do three terms and
return to Oklahoma.
And THANK YOU that, if it were not for you,
instead of all the interesting
discussion spread all over the television
networks and newspapers for months
and months, I would have been forced to
focus on a whole slew of trivial matters like:
giving secrets to China in exchange for
campaign contributions,
Problem: Bob Novak says that never happened: Click Here
global defense,
Global defense?
From the Martians, you mean?
Our national defense is fine, thanks to
Clinton.
the economy,
Oh, please!
It couldn't be any better.
What's wrong with you?
nuclear weapons in North Korea,
They had those during Reagan/Bush.
genocide in Africa and Kosovo,
Oh, no you don't.
Everytime Clinton helps some third world
nation,
you ditto-monkeys scream like stuck little
piggies.
the containment of terrorism,
Take away "government is the problem" Tim
McVeigh
and the NRA opening their branch offices
and we're pretty safe.
and all those other boring topics.
(Good thing we Americans had something
amusing to divert our attention, eh?)
YOUR SIDE holds hearings on every non-issue
that didn't happen.
To hear you tell the tale, Clinton is guilty
of something.
If that's true, why is he still in the
White House?
He's never even been censured, you idiot.
Since Clinton-Gore took office, the following things have happened:
72 House and Senate witnesses to the Clinton-Gore
scandals
have taken the Fifth Amendment.
I don't believe you - name them.
17 witnesses have fled the country to avoid testifying.
Please name the born-in-America witnesses who have fled the country.
19 foreign witnesses have refused to be interviews by US investigative bodies.
That would be Watermelon Dan Burton's committee?
19 have been charged in Whitewater investigations.
A charge is an accusation. The ditto-monkey
105th Congress has accused
Clinton of every crime in every book -
and found nothing but consensual sex.
4 have been convicted in Whitewater investigations.
No, two were - the McDougals.
Hubbell was charged with overbilling clients
and Jim Guy Tucker
was found guilty of a fraudulent water
and sewer project scam.
8 are serving prison time in Whitewater investigations.
How goddamn stupid can you be?
Four were convicted, but eight did time?
Koresh!
Are you Catholic?
55 people have been charged in the Clinton-Gore scandals.
A - Horseshit, name them
B - another accusation from the
105th Ditto-monkey congress.
32 people have been convicted (so far) in these scandals.
Horseshit, horseshit, horseshit.
Name them.
14 people are serving prison time (so far) in these scandals.
There you go again.
First you said 4 convictions, and 8 sentences.
Now it's up to 14?
There were 938 overnight stays at the White House for supporters.
Is that another "accusation?"
The cost of Ken Starr's two year
investigation.......$48 million.
The cost of Clinton's ten day trip to China.............$49
million.
ha ha
The results of Starr's investigation
= fewer Republicans
The results of Clinton's foreign policy
= peace and prosperity.
THANK YOU for a most interesting seven full
years of
"the most ethical administration in the
history of the Republic"
If you would pull your hands out of your
pants and learn to count,
you'll discover Reagan and Bush both had
more staffers go to prison
than Clinton (1, Hubbell, and that was for pre-Clinton
"crimes.")
...and if's been as bad as you claim,
if Clinton is soooooo crooked and incompetent,
why not suspend the 22nd Amendment
and see if our boy can win a third term?
Nasdaq has Biggest Point Gain Ever!
I feel so sorry for El Pigbo and the Smirk family.
They were hoping the economy would crash, but no.
The Clinton economy is too strong.
ha ha
Eat it, GOP.
Did you hear the vulgar Pigboy last Friday?
He read an e-mail on the air that, in part, sounds like I might've
written it.
The vulgar Pigboy lost all control and said something he had
to apologize for.
I didn't get the apology on tape, but I got the "offensive" language.
Click Here to hear just the bad word.
Click Here to hear the letter and the response.
Click Here for no damn reason.
Great American Quotes
"I have been attacked by Rush Limbaugh on the air,
an experience somewhat akin to being gummed by a newt.
It doesn't actually hurt,
but it leaves you with slimy stuff on your ankle."
-- Molly Ivins
Secretary of the Treasury Lawrence Summer was on This Weak
Here's a question he was asked, and his answer.
ROBERTS: Monday morning when everybody
gets
up and starts trading, what’s going to happen?
SUMMERS: I’m in no position to make predictions.
Maybe this guy's good at crunching numbers, but he's a zero on TV.
What he could have said was:
SUMMERS: Cokie, thanks to the Clinton-Gore administration,
we have the best economy in our entire history of our country.
All of the fundamentals are as solid as a rock.
America should wake up Monday morning and buy stock in America.
It's the safest bet in the world.
But no, he's "in no position to make predictions."
Remember when I was in Durango in October?
I felt like a milk shake, so I pulled into the Durango Arby's
and asked
for a small chocolate shake with an extra shot of chocolate.
After a few minutes, the idiot hands me my shake,
and a asecond cup with a shot of chocolate syrup in it.
Swear to Koresh.
Is there something about ice cream places that makes people stupid?
Flash-forward to two days ago.
K-Drag has a new frozen custard drive-in.
It's not as good as Ted Drewes Frozen Custard in St Louis, but
it'll do.
Saturday, me and Mrs. BartCop drove over for a hot fudge sundae.
I like mine plain - just the fudge and the custard.
Mrs. BartCop likes the works - whipped cream, pecans and the
cherry.
I ordered and paid, and as he's handing the two sundaes to me,
he points to mine and says, "This is the one with just
the fudge on it."
Swear to Koresh.
...and speaking of people with mental difficulties:
Back in January, when Clinton was about to deliver his State of
the Union speech,
Rush told his ditto-monkeys to get some cardboard and some tape
and a felt pen
and write "This man is a liar," on the cardboard and tape it
on the TV to remind
the ditt-for-brains that President Bill Clinton was a bad, bad
man.
I wonder how many hundreds of thousands of
did that?
If you can't keep a single thought in your head without a sign
to remind you,
then maybe you really do have the brains of a chimp.
Speaking of the brain of a chimp, did you see George Will on This
Weak?
He was talking about Elian and Gore's reaction, and he said this:
GEORGE WILL: The danger to Al Gore is
it does under score the
perception some people have that he’s
pure appetite, straight through.
And that he so hungers for the job that
he’ll not only say anything,
but he will sacrifice whatever principle
he held the week before.
I said to Mrs. BartCop "This dumbass is
more stupid than a chimp."
Then I remembered I hadn't read this month's
Brill's
Content,
published by my good friend, Steven
Brill.
Sidebar:
I wrote to Brill and invited
him to check out bartcop.com
He wrote back, "I will,"
and there's been nothing since.
I guess he didn't think it
was very funny.
Brill's Content has many, many good articles and features, but
my favorite is
Chippy the Chimp!
Chippy the Chimp is smarter than George Will, and I have
proof!
Here's Chippy with a list of pundits and their accuracy percentages.
Look here!
Chippy is smarter than those last four Republican ditto-monkeys!
It's not insulting enough to say the Republicans have
the brains of a chimp,
because they obviously do NOT have the brains of a chimp.
Kathy Lee
From: XaThega@aol.com
Subject: Kathie Lee
Bart,
I'm sitting here listening to Howard Stern
playing a tape of
Kathie Lee Gifford doing an infomercial--with
daughter Cassidy
sitting there telling her she's "pretty,"
etc.
It's disgusting.
I've often wondered what your opinion of
Kathie Lee is.
Is she not one of the biggest whores since
Doc Hairpie?
Yes, and she dresses like one.
Look at this tramp!
Those kids are growing up "funny."
Ted Nugent's Worst Nightmare
From: sabutai@ix.netcom.com
Subject: Euro English
The European Commission has just announced an agreement
whereby English will be the official language of the European
Union
rather than German, which was the other possibility.
As part of the negotiations Her Majesty's Government conceded
that
English spelling had some room for improvement and has accepted
a
5 year phase-in plan that would be known as "Euro-English".
In the first year, 's' will replace the soft 'c'. Sertainly, this
will make the sivil servants jump with joy. The hard 'c' will
be
dropped in favour of the 'k'. This should klear up konfusion
and
keyboards kan have one less letter.
There will be growing publik enthusiasm in the sekond year when
the troublesome 'ph' will be replased with the 'f'. This will
make
words like 'fotograf' 20% shorter.
In the third year, publik akseptanse of the new spelling kan be
expekted to reach the stage where more komplikated changes are
possible. Governments will enkourage the removal of double leters
which have always been a deterent to akurate speling. Also al
wil agre
that the horibl mes of the silent 'e' in the languag is disgrasful
and
it should go away.
By the 4th yer peopl will be reseptiv to steps such as replasing
'th'
with 'z' and 'w' with 'v'. During ze fifz yer, ze unesesary 'o'
be dropd from vords kontaining 'ou' and similar changes vud of
kors
be aplid to oza kombinations of letas.
After ziz fifz yer ve vil have a rali sensibl riten styl. Zer
vil be no
mor trubl or difikultis and evrivun vil find it ezi tu anderstand
ech
oza. Ze drem of an united urop vil finali kum tru!
Celebrity Mail
Bart,
It's been a while. How have you been?
I see you're still giving that Rush Limbaugh a bad time - good!
He deserves it.
I really like your new front page, but I miss Tom Delay dancing.
I see your hits are up, or are you just padding your counter
again? LOL
As long as I've known you, I had no idea you were into older women.
Christie Brinkley is what now, 55? 60?
I thought what Christie wrote about Rebecca only making $3000
a day
was really funny. I remember Christie bragging once that
she made
$2500 one day. But, of course, that was back in the sixties.
I like your patriotic theme.
You are a good American.
I've attached my contribution.
Niki Taylor
Niki,
Now, now... You know Christie is only 46.
You supermodels are so catty to each other.
I'll call you from Vegas,
bc
Subject: Tequila and Chocolate
From: John_L._Payton@UP.COM
Hey there, BC.
I ordered from The
South's Finest Chocolate their sugar-free sampler,
because my wife is diabetic and because you recommended their
other products.
She stated that it was easily the best sugar-free chocolates she
had ever tasted.
Some of the selections even rivaled conventional chocolates.
So I'll be getting more.
They owe my business to you, and I made sure that they knew it.
Second verse: I do not drink tequila.
I like dark beers, and Scotch (not at the same time).
All the same, a local restaurant in St. Charles MO (Chevy's in
case you plan
another visit) has a tequila club, and I finally decided to see
if your taste in
liquor is as good as your taste in chocolate.
Great Shades of Elvis.
Chinaco Anejo is, indeed, liquid gold. Very smooth in
the mouth,
easy to swallow, with a lovely burn all the way down.
I'm going to cc this letter to both companies.
Thanks for recommending them.
John
Please allow
me to introduce myself
I'm a man of
wealth and taste
I've been around
for a long, long year
Stole many a
man's soul and faith
And I was 'round
when Jesus Christ
Had his moment
of doubt and pain
Made damn sure
that Pilate
Washed his hands
and sealed his fate
Pleased to meet
you
Hope you guess
my name
But what's puzzling
you
Is the nature
of my game
I stuck around
St. Petersberg
When I saw it
was a time for a change
Killed the Czar
and his ministers
Anastasia screamed
in vain
I rode a tank
Held a general's
rank
When the Blitzkrieg
raged
And the bodies
stank
Pleased to meet
you
Hope you guess
my name, oh yeah
What's puzzling
you
Is the nature
of my game, oh yeah
I watched with
glee
While your kings
and queens
Fought for ten
decades
For the Gods
they made
I shouted out
"Who killed
the Kennedys?"
When after all
It was you and
me
Let me please
introduce myself
I'm a man of
wealth and taste
And I laid traps
for troubadors
Who get killed
before they reached Bombay
Pleased to meet
you
Hope you guessed
my name, oh yeah
But what's puzzling
you
Is the nature
of my game, oh yeah, get down, baby
Pleased to meet
you
Hope you guessed
my name, oh yeah
But what's confusing
you
Is just the
nature of my game
Just as every
cop is a criminal
And all the
sinners Saints
As heads is
tails
Just call me
Lucifer
'Cause I'm in
need of some restraint
So if you meet
me
Have some courtesy
Have some sympathy,
and some taste
Use all your
well-learned politesse
Or I'll lay
your soul to waste, um yeah
Pleased to meet
you
Hope you guessed
my name, um yeah
But what's puzzling
you
Is the nature
of my game, um baby, get down
Woo, who
Oh yeah, get
on down
Tell me baby,
what's my name
Tell me honey,
baby guess my name
Tell me baby,
what's my name
Tell you one
time, you're to blame
Ooo, who, who
Ooo, who, who
Oh, yeah
What's my name
Tell me, baby,
what's my name
Tell me, sweetie,
what's my name
Ooo, who, who
Ooo, who, who
Ooo, who, who
Oh, yeah
Update
I have yet to hear from the Smirk Campaign.
I recently "donated" $1000 to Smirk with a made-up credit card
number.
Either the donation "bounced," or somebody donated some money
to the Smirk Cowboy who didn't intend to, - sorry, Dude.
Do they have so much money
that a $1000 contribution doesn't count?
Or are they so goddamn inept,
they can't find me,
even tho I gave them
my real work phone number
and proper e-mail address?
Proper e-mail address?
Oh, no...
You don't think they looked up bartcop.com
and realized they got hosed and dropped it, do you?
Damn...
Wouldn't all of you,
even my staunchest allies,
like to see me in a good legal fight?
Koresh knows I'm trying.
I don't know what other words I could use
and still maintain some female readership...
Wait! I know!
This could get me sued!
ha ha
This next eargasm (cough) is NOT for the women.
This is the audio from the secret, hidden video that a hand
sent me from Paul Harvey's horse-breeding ranch.
Yes, this is the most explosive video ever!
...and I can't show it to anybody!
Not Perkel, not the pillars, not Tamara Baker, not Voltai - nobody,
but you can hear the audio.
And if you listen very hard,
and I mean very heard,
you can hear the man who said the Clintons murdered 40 people.
Repeat: This is for the men only!
Paul Harvey, you deserve every bit of this...
Click Here
to hear Paul Harvey and his date.
(very small file)
Great GOP Quotes
"This Elian Gonzales problem is Bill Clinton's fault.
His administration wants this matter determined legally.
He refuses to look at the best interests of the boy."
-- Senator Connie Mack (R-Panderer)
ha ha
Clinton wants to do things legally,
and we have figure out how to stop him!!!
ha ha
Clinton is too legal?
Impeach him!!!
ha ha
Lying Pigboy!
Rush is screaming at Hillary for bringing guns into schools
He said Hillary visited some school, somewhere,
and her Secret Service
people were armed, so that means
Hillary brought guns to school!
Pigboy, you are just a lousy human being,you know that?
Last week, Governor Blow Monkey visited
a school somewhere.
It was a Catholic school, he was trying
to show people that he doesn't
hate Catholics as much as everybody thinks.
Were Smirk's bodyguards armed?
You can bet your infected ass they were!
Isn't that just like a lying, Nazi whore?
Screaming at Hillary for bringing guns to
school when
Smirk is doing the EXACT same thing every
damn day.
President Reagan never once entered
a school or a church without
armed Secret Service, so what's your point,
you lying pig?
(Had to enter this into the record to be archived)
More Great GOP Quotes
"This Elian Gonzales problem is Bill Clinton's fault.
He's played this issue right down the middle."
-- Senator Connie Mack, (R-Panderer)
ha ha
Is that ...like, an accusation?
Beddy Beddy Good
From: mrte@home.com
Subject: Cal Ripkin....
BC,
We agree on so many things that I've been
hoping for an opportunity
to take issue with something you write......and
I've finally found it.
Your Cal Ripken piece was way too understated
for the finest, most
humble gentleman on any team, of any sport,
in any city, country, or
planet in the cosmos.
Shame on you.
And you'd think that after your recent
shopping spree
you could put your traditional salute aside
and just
send him some of your delicious juicy blue
booty.
m/
Damn, that's a good idea.
I'll do it.
Christian in New York told me she's been wanting to
try some Chinaco, but can't find any in New York City!!
If fine tequila is hard to find in New York,
I'll bet it's scarce in Balmore, too
Cal, you like tequila?
I'm talking about real fine tequila.
I know, only after the season,
(wink wink)
Koresh!
He might even write back!
Wouldn't that be cool?
Don't write and tell me it's illegal to send tequila
thru the mail.
There's no jury that would object to Cal getting
some fine tequila.
And now, Don Pardo, tell Cal Ripken what he's won
It's Chinaco Tequila Excepcional
For many years Chinaco 100% agave tequila defied rivalry.
Then the tiny La Gonzalena distillery stunned generations of
discerning drinkers and stopped producing.
Now, after a short absence, the revered name returns.
Today, the the tequila that leaves La Gonzalena is only a mere
trickle compared to the production of the giant tequila factories.
But every drop of Chinaco produced under the direction of the
four sons of Guillermo Gonzalena is meticulously crafted and
lives up to it's legendary heritage of excellence.
Chinaco Anejo - This is the crowning achievement of the
La Gonzalena distillery. Aged in goverment-sealed and
certified barrels for up to for years, it's silky-rich, deep
finish
is for those with an obsession with perfection.
Cal Ripken, you deserve the best!
Now I need to find an address...
Koresh!
Before I'd vote for this blow monkey, I'd vote for Roberto Begnini.
Colin Powell,
They say you might be Smirk's VP.
Is this true?
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