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Vol 194 - Friendly Neighborhood Aquaman

April 24, 2000

When do the hearings start?

ha ha

I can't wait.
I know they planned this, because they are that smart.
Knowing that Marisleezes was going to go completely postal,
when Reno held her press conference, she was co calm,
I thought her Parkinson's might have been flaring up.

She spoke so calm and with measured tones,
carefully choosing her words about the operation.

and then Marysleezes started screaming like Laura the Unloved trying
to get her precious Derecheschye out of a San Francisco bathhouse.

It looked like the difference between sane and insane,
which I suppose it was.

My point?

First of all, they can't call Clinton to testify because he's already said
he turned the whole thing over to Reno.

So they're stuck calling Janet Reno.
She's going to testify in those same slow calm measured tones,
and Burton or Barr or whoever the inquisitioner is going to be
will be left shaking and sputtering from the frustration.
I want to tape it!!

ha ha

When Waco went horribly wrong, the GOP couldn't shake Reno's testimony.
This time, the religio-nuts didn't have a chance to commit suicide,
so nobody died, so what are they going to shake her with?

The truth?

ha ha

Tom Delay is the one who VOWED to hold hearings.
I don't think the Bug Man can outwit Janet Reno.

By the way, has anyone in Houston heard anything about that
civil sex suit the Ford F-150 vacuum hose filed against Delay?

ha ha

I Wonder

Will Marisleezes and her entourage take those same toys to Andrews AFB
every single day, gaggle of photographers in tow, just to be turned away?

What compelling drama!!!

Will she get in today?
Will she get in tomorrow?
How can Klinton be so mean to poor Marisleezes?

If the photographers start to wane, Marisleezes might have to get a job!!
Then what?

And what about Denado Dalrymple?
After starring in this weekend's extremely gripping Fox News Special,
The Snatching of the Christ-Child,
will he be satisfied to just go back fishing?
I don't think so...

After all, little Elian was taken from his arms, from his arms.
How will he survive without a camera and a microphone?

It's just like that Tulsa woman said: Hitler, Stalin, Mussolini and Clinton.

Larry King

In today's USA Today Larry King column, he talks about MNF.
He said years ago, he did "color" for football broadcasts, and thought
about asking for the job but he decided not to because,
"I can't beg in public."

ha ha

Nice shot at El Pigbo, Larry.

Then he suggested a three man booth:
Michaels, El Pigbo and Al Sharpton.

ha ha

Pigboy brings his Nazi hate to ABC.
Then, (is someone writing lines for 8-Wives?) he said after the game,
Diane Sawyer could interview 6-year olds for post-game analysis, then
Laura the Unloved could screech at the men for hugging each other.

ha ha

8-Wives, that was funny, but don't think we forgive you...

From: booradley@postmark.net

Why is it, that whenever one thinks of the bastardization of the
phrase "family values" one thinks of the Republicans.

(Remember them?
They define family values as a Mother who doesn't work outside the
home and a father, living together, raising their 2.5 children etc.)

Why is it that they, the ones who say ALL children should have a
mother and a father to live with, are the ones who are crying 'Foul'
the loudest because Elian is now back WITH his father?

Elissa

Elissa,
My best guess is they miss their commie-boogeyman.
That used to be their glue, before they had Clinton's cock.
They hate Castro more than they love families.

Mancow - Republican

I used to be an avid Mancow listener when I lived in Chicago.
His show used to be pretty good. He was a Stern wannabe,
but he was pretty damn funny, and rarely mentioned politics.

I stopped listening, but 2 years ago, I found him on a Kansas City station.
He had gone completely bonkers.
About 90% of his show was dedicated to how much he hated Clinton and
the Democrats, how all the libs were gonna turn America into a godless
socialist state, and take away all the freedoms, blah blah blah- your typical
right wing militia GOP nonsense.

I remember when rumors about the movie "Dogma" were floating about-
Mancow railed for 2 weeks at how much this movie offended him.

Then, the next week, he talked about all the strippers he had nailed over
the weekend, and had a contest, "Pearl Necklace for Pearl Jam"
(Pearl Jam tickets for a girl willing to get a "pearl necklace.")
You see, Mancow is a fine Christian, and really backs up his talk with his actions.

(withheld)

Well, I've never seen anything like him.
Will Fox have him back on?

Is a bear Catholic?

(disregard)

RADIO ALERT
It goes without saying that today we'll hear Classic Pigboy!
If there's a baseball game in your town and they have the good sense
to dump the hate for the Great American Pasttime...
Go to http://www.krmg.com between 1-4 CENTRAL.
There's still time.
Sure, it's delayed, but aren't all Republicans?
Hear his stroke today, and every day from 1-4 CENTRAL
on KRoMaG Radio Free Knuckldrag!

(Once the audio starts, minimize it and continue surfing.)

Gonzales Family Values

BC,
Did you see the April 8 rundown at on the Gonzales crew?
http://www.salon.com/news/feature/2000/04/08/family/index.html

Didn't seem to make the national headlines...

Cousin Marisleysis -- hospitalized for a "nervous stomach" or "emotional
anxiety" six times since Elián's arrival. The Gonzales family apparently
claim this is because of her fear that Elián will be returned to Cuba, but
the collapsing episodes apparently began long before Elián left Cuba.
Great uncle Lazaro -- convicted of DUI in 1991, 1993, and 1997.

Great uncle Delfin -- convicted twice of DUI, once because he was "driving
the wrong way in traffic on a main thoroughfare" (maybe he should consider
switching from Red Dagger to MD20/20 -- for medicinal purposes?)

Cousin Cid (Lazaro's sister's son) -- in addition to multiple felony weapons
arrests, Cid's ex-wife "sought a permanent injunction against him alleging
domestic violence" in addition to sueing him for child support.

Cousin Jose (Cid's brother) -- "arrested at least five times in four years
on felony charges including burglary, grand theft and robbery and another
time on charges of petty larceny."

Throw that wacko Donutto Dalrymple into the mix, and the poster family for
Tom Delay family values is complete.

Who is going to have what hearings in Congress next week?

JWeb

Subject: Chicago poll (NBC Channel 5 News)

Did the United States go too far by forcibly removing Elián?

* 16064 responses

No, the family left the Feds no other choice. 64%

No, but the display of guns was excessive. 12%

Yes, give the negotiations more time. 15%

Yes, the boy should stay in Miami. 9%

So, just like with impeachment, but more so.
SEVENTY SIX percent of Chicago says the GOP is WRONG,
but they continue their march toward the cliff, anyway.

Al Gore couldn't lose this if he tried.

More Peggy Noonan HORESH (w/update)
This time with comedy!

In our sadness, I wonder what Ronald Reagan, our last great president,
would have done. I think I know. The burden of proof would have been on the
communists, not the Americans; he would have sent someone he trusted to the
family and found out the facts; seeing the boy had bonded with the cousin he
would have negotiated with Mr. Castro to get the father here, and given him
whatever he could that would not harm our country.

Mr. Reagan would not have dismissed the story of the dolphins
as Christian kitsch, but seen it as possible evidence of the reasonable
assumption that God's creatures had been commanded to protect
one of God's children.

ha ha

She is not kidding!
Ronald Reagan as Aquaman?

ha ha

Everybody knows only Aquaman (and his lil' buddy Skippy) could command
the Dezinens of the Deep to gather 'round lil' Elian and push him to America.

Did she really say that?
Did she really say that?
Did she really say that?
Or is this another BartCop gag?

ha ha

No, Peggy Noonan really said that.

"Ronald Reagan wouldn't dismiss the magic fish theory."

ha ha

Make them stop!
I can't take much more.
My sides are hurting from the laughter!

It's just too wild that Peggy Noonan
would ADMIT that Reagan
would base major foreign policy decisions
on God-sent magic fish?

Oh, I'm getting a Ford/Fitzpatrick headache,
....and I don't get headaches!

"the reasonable assumption" that God sent the dolphins?

ha ha

(update)

From: MrGregOB@aol.com

Subject: your website

I just visited your website.
I found it very funny.
It never ceases to amaze me how liberals have to resort to hate
when they know they can't win based on ideology.

sincerely;

Greg o'Brien

Greg,

It's not my fault.

The dolphins commanded me!!

ha ha

Rush just said he's getting four times the regular e-mail.

He and I have something in common.

I am just now finding the mail that says his show is NOT available on the www.
This is a surprise, since I started listening to him at
1 PM on the www, but went to the AM for a cleaner feed.

I just checked, you are correct.

Since his cowardly ass won't let people hear "the truth,"
I'll attempt to give you the highlights.

Since many of you can't hear his show,
maybe I should do like he does and make shit up.

...nahhhh...

Great Porked Quotes

"They KNEW there were no guns in that house.
They KNEW that for a fact."

But Pigboy, explain HOW they knew that, for a fact, would you?

Click Here

ha ha

Is this fun or what?

Pigboy just said he predicted the exact timing of the raid.

But Rush, but Rush!

If you predicted the exact timing of the raid,
how could they have been surprised by it?

You said your hate show was so popular that even Elian's dad,
who despises you like most of us because you didn't want him
to ever see his son again, even HE listens to your hate show.
You gave us that guarantee last week, Rush!

And if Marisleezes is clawing at Clinton's cock,
she must be a ditto-monkey too, right Rush?

Why did your army not listen to your prediction, Rush?

The poor Pigboy just can't get his story straight.

"It was a surprise in the middle of the night"

AND

"I'm the most listened to asshole in history"

AND

"I predicted the exact timing of the raid?"

How is it possible, Rush?
Tell us - how is that possible?

Leave it to Kevin Cunningham to nail it.

Great Wild Pigboy Quotes

"We never treated the Black Panthers this badly."

True.
The Black Panthers were fucking murdered in their sleep.
They never had a chance to be afraid, so, technically,
Rush is correct that the Black Panthers were never treated "this way."

...maybe I was wrong about Mancow having more class than El Pigbo.

ha ha

Right now, El Grunto is whining that Elian's father's attorney
is standing between Elian and his attorney.

What?

Does it take a village, Rush?
Is that what you're telling us?

Hillary was right, all along?
Is that what you're telling us, Rush?

Whoa!

Rush just said Juan Gonzales had no right to Elian,
that he was "just a puppet."

Parents don't count, Rush?
Is that what you're telling those easily-led sheep?
Does Laura the Unloved know you're spouting this hate?

I hereby change my position on making a movie about this.
They SHOULD make a movie - and damn quick.
It should be produced by Trey Parker and the South Park gang.

They could give this "outrage" the dignity it demands - ha ha

Remember Peggy Noonan?

She's the lady who told Ronald Reagan what he thought.
She wrote all of Reagan's speeches, because Reagan never had
a goddamn clue what he knew or what he stood for, so Peggy told him.
Peggy has a hate-Clinton piece in the paper today.

Excerpt:

It is interesting that this White House, which feared moving on Iraq
during Ramadan, had no fear of moving on Americans during the
holiest time of the Christian calendar.

You lying whore.
We didn't "fear" moving during Ramadan, we were trying to placate
our religiously-insane Arab allies, you ignorant slut!

The mayor of Miami, Joe Carollo, blurted in shock,
"They are atheists. They don't believe in God."
Well, they certainly don't believe the fact that it was Easter was
prohibitive of the use of force; they thought it a practical time to move.
The quaint Catholics.../

ha ha
"quaint Catholics?"
Is there such a thing?

...of Little Havana would be lulled into a feeling of safety; most of the country
would be distracted by family get-togethers and feasts. It was, to the Clinton
administration, a sensible time to break down doors.

ha ha

Peggy, did you write the line, "There you go again?"

ha ha

I'll bet you did.
Go ahead, Peggy.
Admit that for me, would you?
The raid was carried out when NOBODY WAS LOOKING.
That decision saved lives, without a doubt.

But I reflect back to another surprise presidential move.

Christmas Eve, 1992.

Smirk's crooked daddy pardoned all the felonies committed by the
Reagan/Butch criminals, and he did it when NOBODY WAS LOOKING.

Butch didn't take that action on a dead day to save lives, like Clinton did.

No, Butch pardoned those felons to cover his own felonious ass!

Peggy Noonan will defend the rights of Regan/Butch to committ REAL crimes,
like selling planeloads of Stinger missles to Islamic Jihad,
and then pretend ahe's angry when a father gets his son back?

Gee, it's, ... it's, ... it's almost like she's a whore or something.

I'm not claiming that what I'm producing today is any good,
but if I had a "crack" staff, I could produce so much more of it.
Please, Mr. Millionaire - send that $50,000 - hurry!

ha ha

Rush just said Elian's "kidnapping" was designed to distract us
from today's Microsoft dismantling.

ha ha

That reminds me...

Sunday I heard a "Best of Pigboy" from last week on KRMG.
Swear to Koresh, he said,

"If Elian's dad is so worried,
If Elian's dad is so concerned,
If Elian's dad is so convinced that Elian is being exploited,
all he has to do is one little thing.

Do you want to know what that one little thing is?

All he has to do is make a phone call.
Yes, one easy call to Janet Reno to ask her to send in
federal troops and INS agents to rescue the boy.

It's that simple - it's that easy.

But I don't see that happening, do you?"

ha ha
ha ha

Pigboy, you're so busted!

ha ha
ha ha

I'm splitting a gut, listening to this on SUNDAY!

ha ha

Pigboy, you are so busted so often,
yet the sheep let you off the hook, every time.

From: bubblehead@juno.com

Yo Bart...

Give old Zephram Cochrane from First Contact a break.
This was supposed to be 10 years after WWIII, full nuclear exchange and all.

Of course he's drinking Jose Cuervo Gold, all the good stuff that survived
got inhaled in the first 20 minutes after the bombs went off.

C Harmon

ha ha

Mancow Update

From: hermit13@enteract.com in Chicago

He has had a radio show here for YEARS; at first it was just a little
"Morning Zoo, Bay-Bee"-format piece-of-shit called "Mancow's Morning
Madhouse," but a couple of years ago he decided to change the name of the
show to something like "Mancow's Free Speech Network" (although his main
sidekick is still some goofy total-asshole called "Turd," who goes out on the street
to do aggressively stupid things in Mancow's names - sort of like a proxy-dickhead).

What happens on his show nowadays is that any number of nutcases call him up
to rant on-air about any stupid thing they goddamn please; he always agrees with
whatever stupid crap they say and eggs them on until the vitriol comes out fast and hard.

It's kind of painful to listen to these poor bastards get whipped up until they start
decorating their cookies, especially since it's obvious that they don't have a clue
about the fact that they're making no sense whatsoever.

What Mancow was doing on Hannity & Colmes is anybody's guess, but I can
practically guarantee that Mancow is not on "their side." Mancow is probably
only on HIS side; after all, controversy leads to ratings, especially in a city like
Chicago, and ratings mean MORE MONEY.

Just more whore-ism; dig.

DJM

BY RICHARD ROEPER SUN-TIMES COLUMNIST

Was that like a bad episode of "Cops" or what?

This wasn't Ruby Ridge. This wasn't Waco. This was a justifiable,
well-executed tactical operation, carried out with efficiency by federal agents.

Yeah, they came in with pepper gas and guns and riot gear, shouting threats
and issuing commands. Guess what? That's how these things work.
Intimidation is a key element in any such operation, whether we're talking about
an INS raid or a bunch of cops bursting into a suspect's house in Chicago.
You don't tiptoe in and shake hands and ask everyone if they're in a good mood.

ha ha

You take control. Don't forget, that kid was essentially being held hostage by
those glory-hound distant relatives. What were the feds supposed to do, say,
"Pretty please can we have the kid?"

In a rambling, wildly emotional press conference Sunday morning, Marisleysis
Gonzalez warned, "This can happen to your kid, too."

God love her, but there's one problem with that statement.
Elian isn't her child. He was not hers to keep.

That press conference also featured Buffalo Bob Smith of New Hampshire,
who held up a pink Easter egg that Elian would never get to find, quoted Karen
Carpenter and told us the boy now wouldn't get to celebrate Easter.

Why, because his father was going to send him to his room for running away?

ha ha

We Intercepted a Fax

Thanks to all for the outstanding effort over the weekend.
By our count, some 87 of you managed to get on television with the
"I woke up this morning and wondered if this was America or Cuba" line.

And nearly all of you got it right, for once.
While we'd like to continue this approach, we need to add a little variety.
The new mantra will be "This child is clearly being brainwashed by the Cubans,
aided by Janet Reno and William Jefferson Clinton. It is a crime against humanity."

Please practice this before appearing on any television segments.
We don't want it coming out "humanamity" or worse, Mr. Bush.

Yours In Koresh,

The RNC

Incredibly Ridiculous Republican Quotes

"You still don't know what being a mother is,"
- Marisleezes said of Reno.

Hey, Marysleezes!
Reno doesn't have any kids because she didn't steal any!

ha ha

Poor Marysleezes has lost her media magnet.
The law came and took him away.

What's next for Marisleezes?

A goddamn job?
By the way, who paid for those airline tickets?
Did Comb-over Bob Smith's office pay for that?
Did Comb-over use taxpayer's money for that flight?

Why didn't the fisherman get to go, too?
"I held little Elian in my arms.
Those men took Elian from my arms.."

...and, did you hear her clawing at Clinton's cock Saturday?

"Clinton is a bad, bad man.
He dishonored his country with violence.
He dishonored his country and he dishonored his family.
Clinton dishonored his family, right there in the Oval Office.
Right on the Presidential Seal, with Monica, doggy-style..."

ha ha

Marysleezes - I heard Clinton was going to give you Elian back,
but when he heard you call him names, he decided not to.

ha ha

I've never watched so much Fox TV in my life.
My phone would ring, and Sabutai would say,

"You gotta be watching Fox - hurry!" and sure enough,
they'd have Clinton-hater #214 screaming his outrage.

...and then,

...and then Paula Von Zahn, (or is it Von Braun?) had the sad, sad duty
to inform her faithful viewers that America wasn't buying their charade.

ha ha

The crooked Fox Whore polls showed a favorable Clinton raid-rating.
...and after all those hours and all that work, too.

Did you read where FOUR newspaper photographers were arrested
for throwing rocks at the police, then grabbing their cameras to record
the "over-zealous" police reaction?

They got arrested, including one from the Clinton-hating LA Times.

What a weekend - and we all got to watch it.

Mancow

I had my first experience with the thing called, "Mancow."

Whoa!

You talk about a loon!
I am choosing my words carefully here,
but he makes Bob Barr look sane.
He makes Dan Burton look sane.
He makes Rush look distinguished.

His name isn't even "Mr. Mancow," or "Bob Mancow," it's just Mancow.
I think that means he's a man with the brains of a Holstein.

I saw him arguing Elian on Insanity and Colmes on Fox Whores,
and they had to turn his mic down because he was acting like David Arquette.
It was as funny as anything I've seen lately.
Fox must've thought so, too.

They turned his mic off, but they kept a camera on him!
Hannity was talking to the sane democrat, but the camera was split
between Hannity and this Mancow idiot going off like Old Faithful.
Mancow was waving his arms in front of the camera, and when the
producers refused to turn up his mic, he stuck his face into the lens
and started making faces that resembled a very disturbed Steve Forbes.

I've never seen anything like this Mancow character, and I'm really old.
Choosing my words carefully, again, he made Rush look sane.
He made Rush Limbaugh look distinguished, I tell you.

You put this guy in a room with El Pigbo and Mancow looks like
the Three Stooges** at a high-society party.

Fox Whores, you gotta give this menace his own show.
Seriously, he was acting crazier than Bob Dornan watching Clinton
address a group of wounded soldiers on Veterans Day.

Later in the show, they turned his mic back on,
and Mancow started screaming "WE WON!! WE WON!!"
while pumping his fists wildly in the air.

Thank you, God, for letting Mancow be on their side.

Did anyone else see this clown?

Fox, you gotta get him his own show.
I'd watch, I swear.
He could team up with Marysleezes and get the hour after Hannity.

**VCR ALERT

I know some of my VCR alerts haven't panned out exactly as hoped.
Fail Safe could've been a little better, and the Laura the Unloved
update turned out to be a whore job from Biography, but...

Tonight there's a movie on ABC called The Three Stooges.
TV Guide's Matt Roush, who for my money 's the one TV critic,
who can actually be trusted, says this is a good movie - well worth seeing.

It was co-produced by ultra-conservative Stooge fanatic Mel Gibson,
who can't be trusted to honestly say if it's day or night, but if Matt Roush
says something is good, I'll trust him because he's never steered me wrong
in the ten years I've been reading his reviews.

Jesus Twin in Hot Water

One of Oklahoma's Jesus Twins, Rep Steve Largent, (R-4 Termer)
has been on the side of Clinton/Reno throughout this 5-month ordeal.

"That boy belongs with his father," he has said many times.

He is catching major shit today from the K-Draggers.

"He's just a politician," says one former supporter.
"He's been corrupted by the Clinton-devil," says another.
"How can he be pro-family and want that kid with his dad?" says a turd.

Great Catholic Quotes

"We were in the final stages, working out the details on our
six-point settlement agreement to return Elian to his father,
when Janet Reno's thugs stormed the place..."

How would ultra-conservative Mel Gibson have handled this?

"Hey,
Fuck a six-point program!
Give me back my son!"

GOP Reaction is Wide and Varied

Rep Christopher Shays: