The Important Things in Life
From: Voltai29@mindspring.com
Subject: #Agave Blues and Tequila
Economics
Houston Chronicle, April 23,
2000
Heady with success, most producers apparently
failed to plan ahead -
and were shocked to discover that supplies were
running out of the
succulent blue agave plant that is used to make
tequila.
"Nobody ever imagined that demand would reach
these levels," said
Ramon Gonzalez, the head of Mexico's tequila
regulatory board.
"It didn't occur to anyone to invest in planting
agave seven years
ago, when there was overproduction and prices
hit rock bottom."
The agave crisis kicked in a few months ago, sending prices spiraling.
Producers are paying around 7,000 pesos ($742)
for a ton of the plant,
which yields a sugary liquid that is fermented
and distilled into tequila.
A year ago, prices were 1/10 of that.
Consumers are already suffering the consequences,
with some producers
doubling their prices over the last year.
"With problems meeting demand, and tequila getting
a lot more expensive,
the risk is people will start drinking other
spirits again," says Gonzalez.
***Forget high gasoline prices. This is a true national emergency!!!!
Volt
Dittoes to that!
From: WilliamL15@prodigy.net
Subject: Gospel Plow?
Don't ever put links into your site such as the
above again.
I almost threw up!
I'll never visit your site again
(not that you'd actually care).
I really mean it.
I'll even vote repugnican if I have to, to get
you to stop it!
Bill Landaeta
There are many other stops on the www if I make you sick.
I know bartcop.com isn't everybody's favorite.
When the counter stops spinning, I'll stop writing.
Till then, I'm going to have fun.
Great Sports Quotes
"Rush Limbaugh's chances of joining MNF
now appear almost nil..."
-- Rudy Martzke in USA Today
I gotta confess, part of me wanted him to get it.
Gore couldn't lose this race if he tried, but think how much
easier
it would be for Gore to have whites-only Limba screaming shit
like,
"No wonder they're losing, those niggers are lazy!"
or
"That player walks like a damn faggot."
or
"This team could be a winner, if they didn't have a Jew owner."
or
"If Mexicans weren't so stupid, Martinez could've made that play."
or
"This crowd is unruly tonight - the Irish can't handle their liquor."
Yep, it's too bad.
BartCop for the Blind
Here are another couple of good ones!
Click Here for trumps.mp3
Click Here
for ralph.mp3
Tell all your blind Democratic friends...
Possible Breakthru in Elian Custody Case
bartcop.com has learned there is a negotiated settlement
about to
be signed between the boy's father and Marisleezes Hysteria.
The settlement calls for these points to be ratified by both parties:
- The boy will immediately be granted citizenship in a "special
dispensation"
ceremony ordinarily used by the cash-poor Catholic
Church.
- The boy will be returned to Cuba so he can grow up in the Cuban
baseball system to allow his curve and slider to
be developed.
- When he is 18, he'll be allowed back to sign with the Florida Marlins.
...and Juan Miguel Gonzales gets a hummer from Ann Coulter.
Great GOP Quotes
"I think Rudy is politely telling the Republicans that they have
to
get another candidate ready in the wings."
-- Pollster John McLaughlin, who has close ties
to the New York Conservative
Party
NRA opens branch office in Pittsburg!
Shop & Be Shot seen as "partial success," observers say,
More as details come in...
Headline in today's USA Today:
Guliani's Cancer leaves NY race in doubt
That's not true.
That race was never in doubt.
Hillary will win no matter what the lil' kitty does.
I see the Miami Republican Party has sceduled another riot for
Saturday.
I think it's very thoughtful of them to schedule these riots
when we can all watch.
Fox Whore News can schedule all their top hate-boys to work, thereby
avoiding that messing changing of the headlines from sane to
the insane.
Hannity is screaming at Reno for breaking her word about,
"not sending troops in the middle of the night."
If you saw Ted Koppel (less whore than some) last night, they
took the
time to dig out Reno's exact comment, which was on videotape.
Reno said, "I hereby order the family to surrender the boy
at 2 PM.
This does not mean we will storm the house at 2:01, but we
are
determined to rescue that little boy one way or another"
That's a little different than, "I hereby swear and affirm that
no federal agents
will ever visit that house without Marisleezes expressed,
written permission."
Hannity, throwing gas on a fire that he set his fucking self.
How can a good Catholic go on the radio and intentionally tell
lies,
lies that are designed to enflame a city so he can grab for Clinton's
cock?
Sean Hannity is not a man of religion, not a good Catholic as
he claims.
He's a lying son-of-a-bitch.
I maintain a man cannot be a good Christian and a lying
SOB at the same time.
Show me where I'm wrong.
One other thing:
Last night, on Nightline, they played the videotape of "the invasion."
They had a live clock on-screen while the agents knocked on the
door.
There was more than 32 seconds between the time of the
first knock,
then the second knock, then they pushed thru the
door.
Marisleezes and Lazaro and Fishboy all swore there was no knock- no notice.
Big-Time Monkey Mail
From: 2pussy4u@hotmail.com (dead link)
Subject: Why do you defend Papa Fidel???
Isn't it a little sad you Clinton apologists
are left defending a communist
relic like Fidel Castro and his pathetic
regime. Now I can only assume that
you admire his politics.
ha ha
Pigboy taught you that, didn't he?
Fabricate the stupidest accusation anyone
ever thought of, then say,
"And if that's true, then it follows
that......" when everyone knows
you started off with fool's gold in the
first place.
Pigboy has done well with you, my young
friend.
I'll bet you're a Captain in Rush's DMA.
Am I right?
After all he's done such a great job turning Cuba into a liberal's paradise.
You think Castro's done a great job with
Cuba?
I dusagree, but go on...
I read a letter to the editor on Salon.com
the other day from some douche
who thinks Elian will be better off as
Papa Fidel's propaganda puppet
because "at least Havana has universal
healthcare."
I'll take you on your word that you can
read without help.
I can't speak for "some douche," but yes,
Cuba provides health care.
Yeah right--they also lack a few things--like the right to free speech.
Cuba has some things we don't have, we have
some things Cuba doesn't.
What point were you attempting to make?
If you assholes think Castro-ville is such
a great place, why don't
you go down to Florida, get in a raft,
and make your way to the Cuban shore.
If you think the moon is made of
green cheese,
why don't you go there and eat it?
You see how crazy you sound?
Just like Rush, you invent my position for
me, then explain why I'm wrong.
Are you on the EIB debate team?
What if YOU were to tell me what YOU think,
then I could explain where YOU were wrong?
That's called, "a conversation."
By all means take Bill, Hillary, Al and Janet with you.
Where are you sending me, and why?
Why would Bill, Hillary, Al and Janet want
to go to some unknown place
with BartCop, a place chosen by a
no-name ditto-monkey?
Do you understand you're not making any
sense?
Have you had a stroke, like El Pigbo?
Post this if you have the balls, which I doubt.
ha ha
You think it takes courage to post an e-mail from
a ditto-monkey?
Who told you that, Rush?
ha ha
This website is unlike anything Rush does.
Rush has admitted his show is the most tightly-screened show
on radio.
He does that because he can't do what I do.
He take take on all comers and win.
All he can do, like you, is hide and pretend.
I invite critics to take their best shot, because I'm confident
that no matter
what you throw at me, I can dismantle it in less time than it
takes me
to type the answer. I don't sit here, mouth open, staring into
space,
trying to think of some way to get out of some ditto-monkey "trap."
The problem is my fingers work so much slower than my IQ-of-64
brain.
On the other hand, Rush has his screener put thru every
uneducated caller
who agrees with His Pigness. Rush has never been in a debate
in his life.
Me?
I live for that stuff.
I'm like Roy Jones Jr.
I'm looking for anybody, anywhere who can give
me a fight.
Do you know anyone who could give me a fight?
...and don't suggest that coward at rushonline.com
He doesn't want any part of me.
Like you,
like Rush,
He wants to hide and pretend.
If I couldn't defend myself,
if I had no fucking idea what I believed in,
if I had no goddamn clue what I was fighting for,
if I got all my "facts" from a DampRid salesman,
I guess I might hide, too.
So run back to Free Republic and be a hero there.
In the coming weeks, months or years, if you run into someone
who claims
he can defend conservativism, send him to me, would you?
Reward..
From: tweatherred@earthlink.net
Subject: Conservative Hypocrisy # ?????
Greetings and thanks for the most sensible site on the web!
ha ha
Excuse me, Sir.
I believe you may have the wrong number.
Have I missed it, or has no one commented
on the fact that the same crowd
that decries "judicial activism" when it
comes to abortions or having blacks and
whites learning or eating together thinks
it's just fine and dandy that the 11th
Circuit Court of Appeals is willing to
ignore decades, even centuries of
immigration and parental custody law in
order to apppease the Miami mafia?
The gist of the comment I heard on NPR the
other day is also appropo:
what if a non-custodial relative in Afghanistan
(or Iran/Iraq/Massabama)
declares that it would be immoral to return
a child to the infidels in the U.S.A.?
It has happened before. Do the troglodytes
really expect the U.S. to trash
long held legal principles (kids belong
with their parents) just to embarass Castro?
--Ted
VCR Alert
I've seen this a half-dozen places, so I believe it:
Critics say NBC's The 70's is as bad as TV can possibly
get.
Koresh, that's strong language.
They say it just couldn't get any worse if they put Smirk in charge
of it.
* (One star only, and that's being nice)
On the other hand, nothing but universal "I'm not worthies" to
ABC's Arabian Nights.
They say this is TV at it's very best.
**** (Four stars out of four)
Both Sunday night.
However, the X-Files is also not to be missed.
Written and directed by David Duchovney, starring his wife Tea
Leoni
and Gary Shandling playing the TV versions of the real
Scully & Mulder.
Duchovney says this is his goodbye to the show.
Just when you thought you've seen everything...
Click Here to begin, but don't leave without Clicking Here
The Christian's Guide to Small Arms was developed in response
to the fact that most American Christians
have fallen into ignorance
concerning the responsibilities and skills required of the Christian
freeman.
A Snippet from The Nation
Guns
Ahhh! A gun! Elian saw a gun! Oh, the humanity.
Make no mistake, CCs will tell you -- guns are wonderful things,
just what
the average Joe needs to repel intruders. But this was a bad
gun, an evil government gun.
According to CCs, the German-made Heckler & Koch submachine
gun captured in
Alan Diaz's famous photo has special powers. Unlike the millions
of weapons on
display at pawn shops and gun shows, this one can take a child's
innocence without
firing a single shot; indeed, without the user even touching
the trigger or
pointing it at the child.
By Special Request
Serdar at The Gline.com
has audioized some "classic" Bartcop as mp3 files.
Here's another few very short ones, and a long one at
the end.:
Click Here for the NRA clip: (get it?)
Click Here for the Yahoo BartCop Tag Line
Click Here for a Nancy Reagan short
and last, a bigger file, one of the best.
This is the Agent
Aldrich book story.
Allow time to load fully.
Ann Coulter?
Ann Coulter?
What could be more fun than This Here?
Both Barrels
From: sven9@mindspring.com
Subject: Shrub's Fund Raiser and Elian Rant
At the fund raiser Bush just had where he
raised 21 mil, they had a visitor.
Granny D, who is walking across America
to bring attention to campaign reform.
Bush lambasted Gore when she showed up
at the Democratic fund raiser and
was turned away. Well she showed up at
Dubyah's little affair and not only was
she not allowed in but was told that if
she did not leave security would be called
and she would be pushed out. Senator
Fred Thompson (R-Die Hard, Hunt For Red
October, Tennesse Tuxedo) an advocate of
campaign reform wouldn't speak with her.
Senator Bob Smith (Moron from New Hampshire,
Ms Haddock's home state)
wouldn't speak to her either.
Ordinarily, I'd say, "Let's let them have this one," because nobody
gets in those
fund-raisers without paying, but you're right.
Smirk made such a big thing out of Gore turning her away, which
did not happen.
Some high-school kid near the door told her to go away.
(I got the full story from http://www.bushwatch.com/)
Besides, it's not right to talk about finance reform when you're
collecting
$21,000,000 from the Cancer Lob-Bee and the Rifle Lob-Bee.
Also
What is this crap about a U.S. Court of
Appeals issuing an order forbidding
the Gonzales kid from going to his country's
embassy, consulate or any
diplomatic office? This is bullshit.
We are telling an illegal alien that
he CANNOT go to the embassy of his country.
Steven Bennett
You are correct - it is bullshit.
That's one of those things that so damn obvious, nobody thought
of it.
What if Ol' BartCop was arrested in Mexico a second time,
and I was
let out with the understanding I couldn't leave or go to the
US Embassy.
America is usually right, but even when we're wrong, we're so
goddamn
arrogant we'd be ready to launch against any country that
did to us
what we do to them on a regular basis.
Think of some mother took her baby to see the folks back in Iran.
The mother is killed in an automobile accident,
and the American father is demanding the boy be returned.
BUTT,
Iran sees America as the "Great Satan," and, knowing the mother
knew
that we were the Great Satan, decides to let the drunken relatives
have
the child, instead of his father.
America would go ballistic in a heartbeat.
Clinton is right.
Reno is right.
The majority of the voters are right.
The Republicans know they're wrong.
The Republicans know this will cost them house and senate seats.
The Republicans know hearings will sink them, but they are religiously
insane.
They don't mind committing suicide because there's a chance
they might get an inch closer to sticking that shiv into Clinton.
From: welderstan@home.com
Subject: patti reagan pics
I'F
YOU WOULD HAVE INHALED LIKE YOUR HERO CLINTON
FAILED
TO YEARS BACK ( ANOTHER FINGER POINTING
LIE !) , YOU WOULD
HAVE SLOWED DOWN LONG ENOUGH TO WIPE THE
FROTH FROM
YOUR MOUTH AND REALIZE PIC # 6 OF PATTI
REAGAN WAS NOT
TAKEN WITH A BLACK MAN . REFER TO PIC #
8 . LOOK FAMILIAR !!!
Stan, I can understand your being upset.
When an ultra-conservative like Ronald
Reagan sees pictures of his own daughter
in a world-wide magazine letting a man
do that to her, it must hurt terribly.
On top of that, he's a black man!!!!
THE SAME MUSCLEBOUND GUY AS PIC 6 .
HOW MANY BODYBUILDERS HAVE YOU SEEN THAT
DON'T
SPEND AS MUCH TIME IN THE TANNING BED AS
THEY DO LIFTING ?
How many bodybuilders have I seen that don't
spend as much time.....what?
I got lost.
WELL I'LL ANSWER THAT FOR YOU, JUST SO YOU
DON'T OVERLOOK
THE FACTS AS DEMOCRATS SO OFTEN DO ,
Oh, good.
I thought you were going to leave me hanging...
1/10TH OF 1 % . TO DATE I HAVE YET
TO MEET ANY DEMOCRATS
WHO CAN POINT OUT FACTS , JUST RUMORS .
NOW DON' T GET
ANGRY FOR MY VIEWPOINT. I PERSONALLY CAN'T
STAND THE
STATE OF POLITICS IN THIS COUNTRY
TODAY . THE SHEER WASTE
OF MONEY BY BOTH SIDES OF THE POLITICAL
ARENA IS MIND
NUMBING. THE THOUGHTS OF GEORGIE PORGIE
BEING PRESIDENT
MAKES YOU WANT TO GO OUT ON A FOUR YEAR
POT
SMOKING EXIT OF REALITY.
You started out really poorly, but you've
redeemed your self somewhat
by clearly stating the horror a Smirk administration
might be.
REGARDLESS OF OUR DIFFERENT VIEWS
ON ' WINGS ' WE BOTH
LIKE WHAT'S IN BETWEEN THEM . ENJOYED
YOUR PICTURES AND
CERTAIN COMMENTARY
, AS IT IS REFRESHING TO DELVE INTO ' ENEMY
TERRITORY' ( LOL ) .
Stan
It wouldn't hurt to have your blood pressure checked, Stan
bc
Great Insane Quotes
"Did you know Elian liked to lick my face?"
-- Fisherman Donato Dalrymple
Oh, Christ!
If anybody ever needed looking into it's this nimrod.
Exclusive
We have obtained film of Elian and Uncle Lazaro getting their load on.
Thanks to Dr. Tobor at http://www.mediaupdatenet.com/
Bi-Mangle
Since Smirk claims he can speak fluent Spanish,
why does he call him Eeee-Lee-Ann?
Crackhead Bob on Stern pronounces it better than that
Maureen Dowd
There was this guy who was about to die.
He was lying on his death bed when all of a sudden he smelled something
delicious.
He used the last strength he had left to crawl to the kitchen. Then
when he got
there he saw a big plate of cookies on the counter.
So he crawled to the counter and tried to grab one.
His wife saw him, and slapped his hand and said,
"No, those are for the funeral."
I have a Question for the Republicans
The Republican Party doesn't allow any hand-made signs of any
kind
at their gatherings such as speeches and fund-raisers.
I'm sure they have a good reason, but I've never
heard it explained.
My best guess is that they're afraid their people would write
things like,
"Fuck faggot-loving, nigger-loving Clinton" and cameras would
record it,
and all decent Americans would recoil in horror at such behavior.
So my question is:
If Republicans aren't willing to trust their people with pens,
how can they be willing to trust them with guns?
The Secrets of Ditto-Monkey Talk Radio
Thanks to James Farek
Rush just said Elian's parents weren't married when he was born.
He said Juan shouldn't have legal custody because of that.
Butt Rush!
Butt Rush!
Laura the Unloved wasn't married when Deherechkyce was
born.
Don't tell Janet Reno or she might try to rescue the little bastard.
ha ha
Rush just said Cuban jails are full of, "human scum."
Butt Rush!
Butt Rush!
Yesterday you said Castro threw his political enemies into prison.
You said the "freedom fighters" were in Castro's jails.
Did they turn into scum last night?
What time Rush?
What time?
Begala Shoots the Bull
Last night's GOP fundraiser garnered $21.3 million from every
fat cat,
sleaze-bag and special interest in Washington. In his speech
last night,
George W. Bush lamented that "Americans have seen a cycle of
bitterness;
an arms race of anger." He pledged that "I will set a different
tone.
I will restore civility and respect to our national politics."
This from the man who said McCain doesn't support breast cancer
research?
This from the man who sat and smiled as a fringe group leader
accused McCain
of betraying his fellow POW's? This from the man
who conducted an
unscrupulous whisper campaign, questioning McCain's mental health?
This from the man who shamelessly sucked-up to Bob Jones University?
He dares to lecture the American people about dignity and civility?
Before the fundraiser Bush met with Russian foreign minister Igor
Ivanov.
Bush spent an hour pretending to care about foreign policy. Armed
with such
extensive experience, Bush announced at the conclusion of the
hour that he's ready
to fundamentally redefine U.S.-Russian relations. I'm not making
this up.
According to the New York Times, Bush emerged from a meeting with
Russian
foreign minister Igor Ivanov and announced, "It's
time to redefine relations."
He spends 60 whole minutes -- as long as an episode of "The Dukes
of Hazzard"!
-- and he's suddenly prepared to radically alter the geopolitical architecture
of the post-Cold War world.
And, here I thought he was a lightweight.
Wacky Marisleezes Quotes
"They've taken his mind!
( ha ha)
Rush says they've drugged Elian with "happy
juice."
No one can tell me that Elian wants
to leave America!
No one!"
...apparently, not even Elian.
Pyschic Pigboy
You know, even if you disagree with The Pig as much as I do,
you've got to admit his ability to foretell future events is
awesome.
He's been crowing and bragging, again and again, that he predicted
that Elian would want to go home with his daddy.
Is Pigboy a miracle worker or what?
What are the odds that a scared and confused little boy
might want to go home with his father?
...AND PIGBOY PREDICTED IT!!!
Koresh, he's been insufferable about it, too.
Again and again and again. He even made his staff dig up the
tape
from yesterday where he predicted this one-in-ten-trillion event.
After he played the tape again and again, he played it again and
again
AGAIN, this time speaking over it to somehow prove to
the braindead
that he was talking over a tape, a tape which could've been made
today.
What an idiot!
He's still crowing about being right.
In his own egomaniacal mind, it's as tho he picked the correct order
of finishers for next year's Kentucky Derby even before this
year's Derby.
He's got an ego as big as Laura the Unloved, and it's hungry.
Hey, Rush!
Impress us again!
Where will the sun rise tomorrow, Rush?
From: Hisey, Peter
Subject: Rudy
I'm just hoping that Rudy gets a Haitian
doctor.
"OK, bend over, your honor.
This will only hurt for several hours.
Nurse, the mop handle please."
Smirk the Fundraiser
Smirk raised over $21,000,000 at the $1500-a-plate dinner last
night
in the city he despises so much he doesn't want a DC running
mate.
I realize I was raised by Catholic nuns, but when I did the math,
I realized
if you divide $21,000,000 by $1500 per dinner you have 14,000
people eating.
Musta been a big room.
Great Hollywood Quotes
Question: Ms. Fonda, have you ever had a boss like the
one Dabney Coleman
played in your movie, "9 to 5?"
Jane: Yes, and I've
had a few husbands - who shall remain nameless
- that (she means who) were rather difficult as well.
Ediotr's Note: Ms. Fonda was married to Roger Vadim,
Tom (Chicago 8) Hayden and Ted (the Tomahawk) Turner.
Pigboy, how could you?
El Pigbo's second topic was Rudy's cancer and the Vagina Monologs,
He called the Vagina Monologs a "cunning stunt."
Get it?
He thought it was so goddamn clever, he said it twice.
Great GOP Quotes
"We're getting hammered here on the Hill over Elian,
and we don't know what to do about it."
-- a senior aide to a GOP senator
Reminder
His Pigness opened his show with that once-funny gag
about his show "being right 98.2 percent of the time."
He says this is completely documented by The Sullivan Group
which is located in Sacramento, Intelligencia.
A while back,while arguing politics with my old boss, a total
dittohead,
he looked at me as serious as crib death and said,
"But BartCop, he's documented right almost all the time!"
I thought I was going to f-ing die trying to stifle my laughter.
You just can't look your boss in the eye and say,
"Sir, you can't be that stupid, you just can't
be."
The poor guy didn't understand that Pigboy was just making a funny.
He's got an old friend named Tom Sullivan in Sacramento and that's
his way of saying, "Hello," but much of the ignoratti
take it seriously.
...and the ignoratti votes count just like an intelligent vote.
Ain't that a bitch?
Celebrity Mail
From: Cunningham Strikes
"Let the hearings begin!"
You heard right. I am in favor of partisan hearings by the republicans
against Janet (Flawless Rescue) Reno about the Elian Gonzalez
rescue.
From USA Today/CNN poll 4-25-00
Should congress hold hearings concerning the Miami rescue?
28% Yes, hold hearings
68% No do not hold hearings
Do you approve of federal agents removing Elian?
60% approve
35% disapprove
Do you approve or disapprove of the way that wacky, nutty Miami
Gonzalez family handled the situation?
37% approve
57% disapprove
Once again, with feeling:
Should congress hold hearings concerning the Miami rescue?
28% Yes, hold hearings
68% No do not hold hearings
Last time I saw numbers like that, they were telling the republicans
by about
70% to NOT go ahead with the impeachment. But they refused to
listen to the
vast majority of their constituency and played partisan politics
against the
wishes of most Americans. And it cost the republicans in the
’98 election
(projected 30+ seat gain- barely broke even).
So I’m all for the republicans once again going against the direct
wishes of
an overwhelming majority of Americans, and holding partisan hearings
in their
bi-weekly attempt to “get” Clinton (and thru osmosis, Reno).
Like I said, “LET THE HEARINGS BEGIN!!!!!!!!!!”
Leno did a Marisleezes Joke
"She's a little unstable. They want Elian because in that
family
he's the most normal one, like the little girl in The Munsters.
Is this a gag?
No, it's real.
The Pope and Alanis Morissette are doing a gig in Italy.
USA Today says Alanis, who played God in that great Catholic
movie Dogma,
is backing up the Pope along with Lou Reed and Eurythmics.
Sounds like my good friend FizzTwo had a hand in this.
Fizz - you never told me you were Catholic!
He wrote from Europe a week ago, but didn't let on that he was
putting this Pope/Morissette/Reed gig together.
Fizz, if you get this in time, let me know about those tour dates
for
Snake River Conspiracy.
Click above for a snippet of Snake River Conspiracy's "Vulcan."
If you're 18 or above, go to http://www.srcxxx.com/indexa.htm
I first heard these guys on the "Fuck Censorship" CD.
Don't say I didn't warn you.
You know that Christian group "Up With People?"
This ain't them.
TV Stuff
You know how I'm always claiming I could've come up
with a better ending to some TV show or a movie?
Well, I couldn't have done any better with last night's West
Wing.
Even tho I could see it coming up Sixth Avenue from a mile away,
the beginning of this three-part story arc was set up perfectly.
Spoiler - if you taped it to watch later, don't read this.
(And sorry again for spilling the dead Pussy beans.)
Big Crisis at the White House
A staffer, before she joined the current administration,
wrote a scathing memo
critical of Clinton, I mean Bartlet, saying he was too timid
and never had the
cojones to take on the big, important issues of the day.
As the story unfolds, we see that his staff agrees with the memo.
Wasn't that mini-monolog from John Amos a killer?
He's come a long, long way since he was JJ "Dyno-nite's" dad.
(I'll have that audio posted by tonight.)
All during the show, the GOP assholes keep threatening to bring
up
scary issues like the "English being the official language"
bill.
This made the WH staffers quake like lil' scared bunnies,
and I'm watching this with Mrs. BartCop yelling at the TV,
"Hey! If you can't defend your goddamn position,
you ought to consider that the GOP asshole might be right."
I hate it when people have very strong opinions about that which
they cannot defend - it's too much like religion.
Bottom line, by the end of the show, Clinton, I mean Bartlet decides
that it's OK to be a one-termer because he's going to fight like
Tyson
to get his agenda on the table and kick Republican ass big-time.
Screw the politics, just do the right thing, like Clinton.
(cough)
The next two installments of this show should be killer.
Hey, NBC!
It'd be nice if you ran those in the next two weeks!
BartCop for the Blind
We are very proud to introduce a new feature.
BartCop for the Blind!
My buddy Serdar at http://www.thegline.com/
has a voice like a DJ.
He also has a recording studio and knows how to use it.
He has taken some BartCop bits and audioized them.
These are mp3 files, so you'll need to download
them.
Put them in any directory you like.
You could put them in the same directory where
you have archived
all the classic BartCop newsletters.
(cough)
When it's done loading, use Windows Explorer
to find the directory
and click on the file. If you have an mp3 player,
it'll start.
(You've GOT to have an mp3 player if you have
speakers on your computer.
If you don't have an mp3 player, get
one. Trust me.)
He's done a bunch of them,.
Let's do a few, a see if you like them as much as I do.
The very first one goes out to Marc Perkel,
the next
Republican Senator from Missouri.
When night we met Susan McDougal, he said that this bit was his
favorite.
I didn't let the fact that his favorite was 4 years old upset
me :)
Click Here to hear DoleHD.mp3
Click Here if you liked it. There are lots more.
Click Here if you didn't.
Wasssssuuuuuuuppppp Update
From: bluelens@hotmail.com
Wasssuuuppp has been taken down by the AP
but if you go to http://www.newgrounds.com/portal/view.php3?id=266
for now, you can still see it.
Joshua Hoover
Great She-Devil Quotes
"If your family members are stupid or annoying,
you put up with that.
If they are evil and dangerous, you shut
them out of your life."
-- Laura the Unloved
Interesting...
Laura's mother, father and sister are all "evil and dangerous?"
And her husband's ex-wife and children are also "evil and dangerous?"
And her mentor, Bill Ballance, was "evil and dangerous?"
Interesting...
I'm so afraid of getting stomped by that mean lady,
I'm going to find a way to back out of this race.
Let me see...
I could say I need to spend more time with my family,
but they'd know that was a lie because my wife left me.
I could say I just want to concentrate on being mayor,
but everyone knows my ego's way too big for that.
I could say I never intended to run, after all,
I still haven't formally filed for that stupid senate race, anyway.
Oh, me, Oh my, what will I do?
I know!
I'll tell them I have prostate cancer!
ha ha
That'll work!
It's perfect!
No, wait!
I'll announce that I have prostrate cancer, and make it
look
like I'm so shook up that I got the name wrong.
Yeah, that's the ticket!
I'll get lots of sympathy, and I'll be seen as a fighter!
I'll call a press conference and tell cancer to "bite me,"
and these New Yorkers will eat that up!
But - how will Hillary react?
Oh, no.
What if she shows sympathy and wishes me good luck?
What if she comes to visit me in the hospital?
She'll be seen as the younger, smarter, kinder, healthier
alternative to my old, gruff ass.
Dammit, how do I always get myself in a mess like this?
True Hero Quotes
Randy Weaver, Tim McVeigh... the GOP needs another hero.
He's ready and willing to serve.
"I'm on the cover of every newspaper
and magazine in the world, and I'm
hanging out with all these elite people,
and it's hard to know what to do.
When I'm in Miami, people shout to me,
'Pescador, pescador , Don't leave for
Washington. We need leaders here.'
I hear screams, 'Donato for mayor! Donato
for mayor!'
I'm flattered; 800,000 Cubans love me.
Yeah, I could see myself walking
through that door and maybe running
for mayor or that lower office, you know,
what is it? Commissioner or something?
I'm the savior of a boy."
-- Donato Dalrymple, Savior of the Christ-child
Monkey Mail
From: mark@m3hosting.com
Subject: Search
You ingorant liberal.
ha ha
I've been called everything from "Mad Dog"
to "Slayer of Liddy,"
but I've never been called ingorant
before.
What is a "search" warrant?
ha ha
You mean you don't know?
A "search" warrant is an order signed by
a judge that allows
a law enforcement agency to search a home
or business.
How old are you that you don't know what
a "search" warrant is?
Is it a Court Order.
I just said that.
If you knew, why did you ask?
Also you site is pathetic.
ha ha
"You" letter is typical ditto-speak.
Mark A. McIver,
Monkeyspank
Wassssuuuuppp
If you haven't been to http://www.geocities.com/elian_true/ you should go.
Here's the best way to do it to avoid spoiling it:
Turn your speakers down, click on the URL and go get a coke.
It takes about 3 minutes to load, but if you watch it load,
you'll see what it's building and it'll be better if you see
it all at once.
So after you get your coke, come back and hit "reload"
and you'll get to see the joke.
Special VCR Alert
Before I forget, Saturday night is the White House Correspondent's
dinner.
I believe Jay Leno is the entertainment, but you gotta know our
best president
will have a great 10 minute's worth of material.
This is the one you can't miss.
This is the once-a-year roast where everything can happen.
Saturday night, probably 8 PM or so on C-Span.
It surely will be repeated, but who knows when.
Not to be missed!
Click Here for Previous Issue
Click Here to return to bartcop.com