Update to the ebay Link Below
Usually, when I link to a page, I capture it and rename it so
it'll
still be there a week or month or year from now, because I know
how much you people love to surf the archives.
(cough)
This one time, I just ran a link, and now it's gone.
Someone placed Metallica's dignity for sale.
The opening bid was a dime.
It was well-done with descriptions and stuff.
I'm such an idiot!
(Think Chris Farley, pulling his hair out)
Some bartcop.com readers run this site.
Everybody likes ferrets.
Some of the best music ever made is Pink Floyd's The Wall.
skisics surus at skisics@yahoo.com
is putting this political season,
more specificially His Smirkness, to music from that great album.
I've had that whole album memorized in my head for twenty years.
Reading these words, I can hear the music, and it sounds great.
It's not finished, (since the season isn't,) but here's the beginning.
The Wall by Pink Floyd
In the Flesh?
....They want Bush?
So you
Thought that
Smirk was ready for the nomination.
To try to win the race even
Though he has no real qualifications.
So are you really that delusional, huh?
Do you really expect us to vote
For a real jerk who has ridden his daddy's name
All the way through his life cause he has no shame.
Lights!
Roll the sound effects!
Action!
The Thin Ice
The GOP loves Smirk
And hates that guy McCain
They think Shrub can win the race this time
Even though he's done nothin?.
But oooooh baby
0oooh baby Bush
Oooooh Babe.
If you should nominate
A man thin on integrity and guts
Dragging your party along
And catering to the right-wing nuts.
Don't be surprise when cracks appear in your ranks
And the voters slip away.
The GOP is really out of it's mind
And should fear the backlash
When the voters go to the polls.
Another Brick in the Wall Part 1
Bushy lost the first primary.
Exposing his lack of ability.
McCain has all the momentum
What can the Smirk give the GOP?
How will Bushy lead the GOP?
Through it all, Bush wanted to bawl.
Through it all, Bush just wanted to bawl.
You! Yes, you! Go negative!
The Happiest Days of our Lives
Now they are certain people who
Want to take money from our school
To pay for their private school needs.
They already have a choice
But don't want anyone to voice
The obvious signs of their deceit and their greed.
So they frame the debate and say it would be great
For all of us to give them tax breaks while public
schools starve without any fight.
Another Brick in the Wall part 2
Your kids don't need an education.
Support voucher plans and then you'll know.
We Republicans need your tax money.
So our private schools will continue to grow.
Hey! People! Give us all your dough!
Don't you know, we don't want to pay our way.
Don't you know, ours costs we want you to defray.
We don't need your explanations.
We just need support for public schools.
Just go away and pay your own bills.
Why do you want to play us for fools?
Hey! People! Leave our schools alone!
Don't you know, we don't want to pay your way.
Don't you know, your costs we want you to pay.
Wrong, Do it my way!
If you don't vote for
Smirk, you can't have any vouchers.
How can you have any
vouchers if you don't vote for Smirk?
You! Yes, you in South
Carolina, vote for the Smirk!
(More Tomorrow)
I just put Volume
199 in the Archives,
so I guess you're reading Volume 200.
...and if you're wondering why I didn't do something special,
you only need to read Volume
100 to find out.
Volume 100, normally unavailable, is back for a limited time.
VCR Alert
You need to watch Leno tonight.
I was reading a story earlier today on Yahoo that Bob Hope
has donated 88,000 old jokes to the Library on Congress today.
What will Jay Leno use for material tonight?
(Do me a favor and e-mail this to your local
newspaper as a Letter to the Ediotr.)
Will Guns be Allowed at the GOP Convention?
No, they will NOT allow guns at the GOP Convention.
But why?
Is it because guns are dangerous?
Is it because the possession of guns leads to violence?
Is it because the rank-and-file can't be trusted with guns?
Is it because having guns would endanger the candidates?
Is it because some Republicans are mentally unstable?
Is it because people tend to get shot when ditt0heads have guns?
Gov Bush signed legislation making it specifically LEGAL to carry
concealed weapons into sports stadiums and even churches in Texas.
In churches, Governor Bush?
So why can't concealed guns be carried into the NRA's convention this year?
Now Pigboy is doing Rosie O'Donnell Fat Jokes.
Nobody dislikes Rosie more than I do,
but why is the formerly fat bastard doing fat jokes about anybody?
He says it's because people called him names over the years,
so he's just getting even.
Sure, Pigboy.
That's what a bully always says.
E-Mail Prankster at it Again
You remember that scared little sissy at rushonline.com?
He's the guy who gives Monica to Rush every day,
but doesn't have the cojones to debate, just like his
idol.
I got some "mail" from lyingpig@rushonline.com
First, I doubt he'd call himself lyingpig if
he's a ditto-spank.
Second, that guy is too scared to actually debate me,
so I knew it was fake right from the start.
Mr. Prankster, part of the trick to getting away with something
is to get within a light-year of the truth.
Wait a Minute
Pigboy is screaming at Clinton for being pro-choice,
Yet,
yet,
yet just this week, Smirk told Baba Wawa that he'd
have a baby-killer on the ticket with him.
Did Smirk stand up and applaud the Catholics for being pro-life?
How could he, if he wants to put a baby-killer a chickenbone
away
from being the most powerful man on the planet?
Pigboy, if you were a man, you'd take that back, but you're not.
You're as scared a sissy as the rushonline.com
bunny.
Man About Murfreesboro, TN
From: mbreed@mtsu.edu
Subject: Bob Smith's pennance
Hey, Bartcop
One thing I think everyone is missing with
Sen Bob Smith (R-Combover) is
that the GOP may be forcing him to act
like a jackass in pennance for
leaving the party and crawling back. Why
else would a New Hampshire
senator be holding press conferences in
Miami?
Someone from the GOP has to be there to
rail against the Clinton
administration. Since the subject of Elian
is a dog in the polls, they
put Bob Smith on it. That'll teach him
to lose faith with the GOFP.
Your "good friend,"
Mike in Murfreesboro
http://mike.reed.org/
You probably don't remember Mike Reed.
Mike writes a political column called "Man About Murphreesboro."
(Murphreesboro is where they shot those two scumbags
who stole Mrs. BartCop's touring sedan.)
But that's not how I met Mike.
When I predicted Bob Livingston would not be the next Speaker of the
House,
Mike Reed was the only writer who mentioned that I predicted it.
Mike,
when Gov Bush backs out of the race this summer,
you'll mention me again, right?
Thanks.
Mail Bag
From: cflowers@engr.arizona.edu
I must say it's so great to hear someone else
say the we have the greatest
president we've had in a long time. He
saved this country, I have no doubt
in my mind. I remember standing on the
unemployment line and struggling
with the crappy-paying jobs I was ending up with,
all because Reagan and
Bush ran this country into the ground while giving
the rich breaks and
providing corporate welfare.
I remember an interview the Blow Monkey's father
was giving at a college -
a student asked him, "what do you plan to do
about the recession".
Do you know that imbecile answered "what
recession"!!!
I thank God every day the people of this country
had the sense to put Clinton
in the White House. I don't give a rat's
ass who is blowing him. He saved
us - I'm making decent money and I own my home
- not possible with Bush &
Reagan. Reagan's advisors use to tell him
that the gap between the rich
and the poor was getting wider and wider, and
the idiot would say
"Oh, I don't believe that".
C.F.
Cecilia, it may be WORSE than you remember it.
In the late 80's, I did the hiring for my company.
We'd put an ad in the paper for jobs such as "refrigerator delivery"
and we had laid-off quality control supervisiors from American Airlines
and Boeing begging for these jobs, begging to delivery refrigerators
in the Oklahoma sun for minimum wage.
...and all this time, the economy was plunging over a cliff.
You can see on the chart exactly when Clinton took over.
Those were desperate times, under Reagan/Butch.
Today, it's just the opposite.
Great jobs are so plentiful, we can't keep people in the armed forces
because with just a little training, they can move into the real world,
and get a real job and buy a house with the real money they can make
- which was previously impossible. Under Reagan/Butch they had no
choice but to stay in the armed forces - as job security on food stamps..
You are correct.
Clinton saved this country.
USA Today ranks the states with the most hunters
Montana 26%
Idaho 23%
Wyoming 21%
Virginia 17%
Oregon 17%
Arkansas 15%
What?
No Texas?
Oh, that's right.
In Smirk country, they drag their prey behind pick-up trucks.
...nevermind.
Great Conservative Quotes
Pat Buchanan, Reform Party presidential candidate, said Monday
George W. Bush is not prepared for the presidency.
"I don't think he has got a clue. He's an entertaining fella;
he's a likable fella, but you look at him, and he just looks
right through you."
ha ha
Go Pat, Go!
Typical Limba Half-Truth
El Pigbo is whining about how shamed the Clintons and Gores
were at Cardinal O'Connor's funeral when whoever was speaking
said the Catholics must always be pro-life.
Hey asshole!
You know who was sitting right behind Clinton?
Baby-killing Rudy
Giuliani!
Why didn't "Truth on loan from God" mention that?
Let's also remember your party's nominee, the Blow Monkey,
was raised by a dad who sold weapons to terrorists and lied about
it
and a baby-killing mother, you lying, ugly pig!
Rush - Can't you ever tell the whole truth?
One last question:
Is Rudy's whore pro-choice?
Dehgerechkye Schlessinger on Fox tonight.
Fox TV (not Fox Whore News) is having a special tonight.
It's called, "Who is the Smartest Kid in America?"
Well, we already know the answer to that.
Laura the Unloved, how smart is Dehgerechkye?
Great Whore Quotes
"I have tons of gay friends."
-- Laura the Unloved
But, Laura,
You said gays were "deviants" and "biological errors."
You even said they were likely to be pedophiles.
How often do these "deviant pedophiles" come over for dinner?
Do you leave Dehgerechkye alone in a room with them?
Wouldn't that make you an unfit mother?
I think some leftist social worker should come visit you, whore.
Tell me, Laura - do whores make good mothers?
...and when you're juggling your TV show and your radio show,
who will be Dehgerechkye's best friend?
Is he going to get a new best friend?
Thanks to St Louis Steve for this:
http://www.washingtonpost.com/wp-dyn/articles/A23863-2000May7.html
Rockin' for Fund's Sake
How cool was the Best Friends shindig Saturday night?
There were shades, popcorn, the Beach Boys and the Drifters,
saddle shoes, Colin Powell moonwalking and
Laura Schlessinger dirty-dancing.
(We swear--we saw her.)
ha ha
They swear it's true.
From: guydubet@tomatoweb.com
Subject: McCain/Shit For Brains
Hey BC,
I see where McCain is endorsing SFB for
El Presidente.
Does this mean that he will be his VP?
Does it mean full and total support?
What does this mean BC?
Guy
All it means is that McCain has turned whore.
I guess he'll be apologizing for it when
Smirk loses.
McCain will NOT be Smirk's VP.
If McCain was Smirk's VP, every time Smirk
gave an order,
they'd look at McCain to see if they should
follow it or not.
Actually, he got a call from Trent Lott
saying if he wants to stay
in the GOFP he'd better endorse the Blow
Monkey or get out.
McCain hates Smirk, but he wants to be
president more than he
hates the Blow Monkey, so he's kissing
Smirk ass just enough
to make Helmet-head Lott happy, not an
inch more.
The smart money says Gore will win this
year,
and that puts McCain at the top of the
GOFP list for 2004.
I knew this was going to be a good day.
Today has comedy written all over it.
The first contact I had today with the outside world was Laura
the Unloved
whining about the coverage she got at that Cro-Mag fund-raiser
she did
with that lying son-of-a-bitch Bill (still smoking) Bennett.
Sidebar:
People have asked about the
still
smoking comment.
My lil' friend Timmy, who's
twelve now, sent in this joke:
What's the different between
David Koresh and Bill Bennett?
Bill Bennett is still
smoking.
I've also been asked about
"a Steve Adler heartbeat."
Steve Adler, get this,
was thrown out of Guns n Roses
for doing too many drugs.
Repeat: Thrown out
for using too many drugs.
Thrown out of Guns n Roses....
He did so many drugs, he
raised his blood pressure so high
he had a stroke. So a Steve
Adler heartbeat is quick, indeed.
So, Laura the Unloved is whining about her press coverage.
It wasn't in USA Today, so if you see the story, please send
it.
The paper said The Unloved was "dirty dancing."
The paper also said she was "rowdy."
To defend herself, she said she was "go-go dancing and snatch dancing."
ha ha
I thought I was gonna drive off the fucking road!
Laura the Unloved?
Snatch Dancing?
I don't even know what that is, but when I heard the term,
Sharon Stone popped into my head .
Doctor Laura - Snatch Dancer!
ha ha
Make her stop!
If anyone has any idea why she said that, send me some e-mail.
But she started my day with a big smile, so I guess I owe her
for that.
http://cgi.ebay.com/aw-cgi/eBayISAPI.dll?ViewItem&item=327448958
ha ha
That's so funny, I can't stand it!
I need to say something serious about Mayor Guiliani.
Did you see the front page of USA Today?
They had a photo of the church services for Cardinal O'Connor.
In the front row was our best president ever, and his wife,
then the president-elect and his wife.
In the second row was Smirk the Coke Monkey, and Pickles,
and Governor Pataki and his wife, Jackie Pataki.
Also in the second row was the mayor, who had the
good fucking sense not to attend with his whore.
Thank you, Mr. Mayor, for leaving your goomah in
your nasty bed
and not rubbing the nose of the Catholic Church in the FACT
that you're grunting and rutting on top of some woman not
your wife.
You have an eternity to pay for that, Rudy..
Hell is hot, my friend.
That's never been disputed by anybody.
-- Paulie Walnuts
It's a good thing Newt Gingrich wasn't invited.
He would've brought his whore, instead of wife Number
Two.
At least Rudy had the good fucking sense to leave his whore at
home.
Speaking of going to hell, I have a SIN for you.
I've broken many Commandments on bartcop.com,
but I've never posted a sin before.
Are you ready?
This is Oscar winner Mira Sorvino.
Stare at that picture for a moment.
Koresh!
That girl can lick a cone, can't she?
I guarantee, if you're Catholic, you have just endangered your
soul.
You must get to confession before your number shows up in God's
lottery.
I don't want to be the cause of you spending an eternity losing
poker hands
and getting shot in the back of the head in some stinking Irish
pub.
Go to confession.
Buffalo Bob Combover Backtracks On Claim Elian is Drugged
SALEM, N.H. (AP) -- Combover Bob said Monday that
remarks he made
about Elian Gonzalez and tranquilizers were not
meant to suggest the boy
is being drugged to make him more amenable to
returning to Cuba.
Sen. Bob Smith was quoted by The Union Leader
of Manchester as saying
at a town hall meeting Sunday: "They've already
found tranquilizer drugs
with the doctors. I think you can reasonably
assume that on May 11 the
little kid is going to come say, 'I want to
go back to Cuba."'
He also said he does not believe Elian is being drugged.
"I did not suggest it. If that's the conclusion
you draw, that's incorrect," Smith
said in a telephone interview from Washington.
Hey, asshole - words mean things.
You make a declaration and then blame us for hearing it?
What are you, some kind of Republican or something?
He said he is concerned that drugs including
tranquilizers were taken by
U.S. officials from Elian's Cuban pediatrician
when she arrived for a visit
late last month. And he said he is concerned
the boy is living at what
amounts to a Cuban re-education camp at a private
conference center in
eastern Maryland.
She's a doctor.
Doctors carry drugs.
That's their function.
When someone like Marisleezes needs calming down, if the doctor wasn't
carrying any tranks, Dan Burton would want to hold hearings to find
out why.
Smith described the compound Sunday as "a concentration
camp,"
according to The Union Leader. Smith said Monday
if he used that term, he
misspoke. He said he has consistently described
the compound as "a
re-education camp."
Combover, can we assume you'll call another press conference tomorrow
and "clarify" the shit you're talking today?
McCain Turned Whore Today
The North Vietnamese couldn't break him in five years,
but Smirk's pile of cash broke him in five minutes.
John McCain, hero to some, turned whore today
and climbed into bed with Smirk the Blow Monkey.
McCain wants to win more than he wants to stick with his principles.
I think all the people who sent money to McCain should get a refund.
He promised to clean up politics - now he's turned whore.
ha ha
Smirk, why are you sticking your tongue in a rolled up magazine?
Didn't you promise to not to embarrass us?
Some of the best music ever made is Pink Floyd's The Wall.
skisics surus at skisics@yahoo.com
is putting this political season,
more specificially His Smirkness, to music from that great album.
I've had that whole album memorized in my head for twenty years.
Reading these words, I can hear the music, and it sounds great.
It's not finished, (since the season isn't,) but here's the beginning.
The Wall by Pink Floyd
In the Flesh?
....They want Bush?
So you
Thought that
Smirk was ready for the nomination.
To try to win the race even
Though he has no real qualifications.
So are you really that delusional, huh?
Do you really expect us to vote
For a real jerk who has ridden his daddy's name
All the way through his life cause he has no shame.
Lights!
Roll the sound effects!
Action!
The Thin Ice
The GOP loves Smirk
And hates that guy McCain
They think Shrub can win the race this time
Even though he's done nothin?.
But oooooh baby
0oooh baby Bush
Oooooh Babe.
If you should nominate
A man thin on integrity and guts
Dragging your party along
And catering to the right-wing nuts.
Don't be surprise when cracks appear in your ranks
And the voters slip away.
The GOP is really out of it's mind
And should fear the backlash
When the voters go to the polls.
(Killer guitar here. I can't wait for the rest)
Ammo
I've got a good one for you.
Go to this site and once it's loaded, hit "Save As" and save
it
as "ammo.htm" on your hard drive.
(IF you save it as 'White House Accomplishments'
they won't even begin to read it.)
Then the next time some ditto-spank gets on your case,
send him that .htm file and watch the steam come off his
head.
http://www.whitehouse.gov/WH/Accomplishments/index.html
When you read the list, you'll see how badly
this country needs a "new direction."
ha ha
Real Stupid Quotes
The Clinton-Gore-Reno regime is taking credit for the fact
that serious crime dropped nationwide by 7 percent last year,
continuing a decline that began eight years ago.
-- Ollie North, who Nancy Reagan calls, "That liar."
Pigboy has been such a bore today.
He spent the first hour screaming "child abuse" about Elian
because he was being exposed to, *gasp* some liberals.
El Pigbo said Elian had a visit with some tobacco heirs,
and that was "so totally hypocritical," that he had to raise
his voice several octaves and scream like a woman.
He spent the second hour and the first half of the third hour
screaming at liberals for wanting cleaner, safer cars.
With Elian not on parade, he's got nothing to say...
Whoa!
There he goes!
"The only difference between the Clinton Administration
and a bag of dog manure is the bag."
ha ha
The vulgar Pigboy strikes again!
VCR Alert
Not a lot happening tonight, which is odd considering we're
smack in the middle of a ratings sweep, but...
Joe Dimaggio, AKA "Mr. Fuck the Press" the first-ever recipient
of the BartCop Lifetime Acheivement Award is profiled tonight
on PBS everywhere in America except K-Drag.
Let me know how it was.
It'll be on here soon, but I think Knuckledrag pre-screens their
"public" TV so the children don't get any secular ideas.
Then, on ABC's Family Law, a priest does an exorcism.
Buffalo Bob Combover Quotes
They've already found tranquilizer drugs with
the doctors.
I think you can reasonably assume that on May
11,
Elian is going to 'I want to go back to Cuba.'"
-- Sen Bob Smith (R-Riot Inciter)
Yeah, I think that's damn reasonable.
If I was paroled from prison into the arms of Marisleezes
and that nutty fisherman who wanted me to lick his face,
I'd ask to go back to prison in a heartbeat.
Reminder
(See I Feel a Draft)
While Ronald Reagan was keeping Hollywood
safe for democracy
Jimmy Stewart, I think Clark Gable, about
half of major league baseball,
and a whole lot more actors than I can
recall enlisted for the actual fighting.
Benny Goodman and others were lost while entertaining 'our boys' overseas.
Meanwhile,
that peacenik George McGovern was a bomber
pilot in Europe.
Your answer was better than mine.
I remember Newt attacking the Clintons as "counter-culture McGoverniks"
when McGovern was a war hero and Newt was just an asshole.
Buffalo Bob Combover Quotes
Right now, Elian is in a concentration camp
on American soil.
It's surrounded by Communists.
He's got his Communist playmates there
so they can re-indoctrinate him.
-- Sen Bob Smith (R-Riot Inciter)
Gee, Bob, why not hold hearings, then?
Smirk Family Dirty Tricks
http://www.commondreams.org/views/050400-104.htm
From: aadrian@tampabay.rr.com
Subject: Paul and Ollie
Hi Bartcop!
I hate FOX, but I watch every day....
Fair and balanced? I don't think
so.
Also, I think Paul Begala is the BEST...I
mean the BEST!
He shoots from the hip with an Uzi.
Did you see the show right after the incredible
"Final Days" video of
Clinton which was superb. Ollie was
whining...."I don't think it
was in good taste to shoot that scene in
the Situation room...blah blah...do
you know what kind of important decisions
were made there?"
Without missing a beat, Begala quiped
"Yeah, like deciding on selling arms
to Iran Contra!"
...It was great.
Alicia Adrian
ha ha
That's a good story.
I subscribe to the equal time newsletter, but I don't watch his
show
because it comes on at 5PM in K-Drag and they don't rerun it
later.
Most shows are run 3 hours later for the west coast, but not
that one.
If you go to this site
http://uspolitics.about.com/newsissues/uspolitics/library/weekly/aa050400a.htm
you'll see a list of sites blocked by AOL's child filtering software.
It seems most Democratic sites are blocked,
but most Republican sites are not.
...but they block Laura the She-Thing, so it can't be all bad.
Betty Bowers Rules!
Not only do I think http://www.bettybowers.com
is the funniest site
on the Internet, it's now new and improved.
Betty is so close to Jesus, He has given her special html powers.
I don't know of ANY site on the whole web that has what she has.
Click on that URL, then after it loads, hit "Site Menu" and then
hit "Betty TV"
If that's not the flashiest thing on the www,
send me e-mail telling me what's better.
You should check everything there,
but don't forget to hit "What's New."
Betty, ...are you married?
From: chaostrent@yahoo.com
Subject: you
Why are you a socialist?
afraid of the truth?????
Chaod AD
ha ha
I don't know a lot about socialists,
but are you saying they're afraid of the truth?
I wish your letter had some meat,
cause it was just smoke.
I Feel a Draft
From: mmcfeely1@hargray.com
Bartcop,
My Ronald Reagan worshipping father-in-law frequently
refers to
President Clinton as a draft dodger when we're
involved in our
heated political discussions. He, of course,
as a typical hypocritical
republican, avoided W.W.II by taking, what he
calls, an industrial
deferment. I'd like to know what President
Clinton's draft status was
during the Vietnam War and why he didn't serve?
Tim McFeeley
Tom,
His status was murky.
He started out with an ROTC deferment, but didn't join the ROTC.
Later, he got a high draft number, so he didn't need an excuse.
The biggest reason he didn't serve is because he was sane.
He had the brains to avoid the hamburger grinder.
Next time pop-in-law gets frisky, remind him that Newt, Quayle,
Buchanan, Limba, Smirk, and the others LOVED that war,
they just couldn't find the time to go. Clinton, unlike those others,
tried to stop the war for EVERYBODY, not just himself.
...and if you want to get mean,
ask your pop-in-law how many more names he wanted to see
on the Vietnam Memorial Wall.
Isn't 58,000 enough?
bc
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