with Ben
Stein and Jon Stewart
Tonight seemed boring as hell.
Was it bad for you, too?
Cheney spoke last, and he tried to get up a head of steam,
but I never thought he went anywhere.
Oh, they all swore it was "speech of the century,"
but everybody knows Republicans make shit up.
Last night, at least, we had McCain wringing his hands saying,
"I leave here haunted by the vision of what will be."
ha ha
What the hell's that about?
He thinks Smirk might win?
...and that has him spooked?
Tomorrow should be good no matter what.
If Smirk puts the crowd to sleep, Gore will pull ahead.
If he attacks like a smirking Smirkster, that'll be great, too!
Coming up at 11:00
with Ben
Stein and Jon Stewart
Should be half good...
Men Only - Angie Harmon movie on Sundance in 6 minutes...
10:17
Bob Livingston (scumbag alert)
says we need to
"bring integrity back to Washington."
You mean elect men that won't cheat on their wives?
Good luck there, Hippo!
9:28
Dick Cheney!
9:31 Told his first lie
"Smirk is qualified!"
There he goes again, always claiming the
GOP "set the stage"
or "laid the foundation" for something
that happened later.
He earned the respect of the armed forces?
Maybe, but his bungling sent them
into battle, into death.
Uh-Oh, the attacks are starting...
"Clinton's last hour is coming."
ha ha
Constitutionally, it is.
Nothing you losers could do to get him out,
tho Christ knows you bastards tried.
Oh, please, a standing "O" because Cheney said 7 follows 8?
"Time for them to go?"
ha ha
"Yo time is up!"
What are they chanting? - I can't tell...
Oh, it's,
"Down with blacks, down with gays."
Like all the speakers before him,
Cheney is guaranteeing the actions of another.
Now he's against lawsuits,
unless they involve Clinton's Cock!
"Smirk leads by conviction, not calculation."
ha ha
I believe the second half of that.
Oh!
Now he's blaming CLINTON for the hate in Washington?
Clinton didn't spend years trying to reverse any election.
The right-wing, red-meaters must be frothing!
Uh-Oh, ...that is, ...until they saw his daughter, Mary.
She's the one in the middle.
"I'm afraid if we elect Gore,
we'll have four more years just like
the eight we just had."
The last 8 years would've been the best ever if you guys
would just call off the cock-grabbin' and stop acting like Nazis.
You wanna fight, Dick?
We can do that.
You started this speech with all that "Let's get along'crap,"
now you're itching for a tussle, so let's bring it on!
9:22
Harpy!!!
...won't be long now.
9:20
If you had told me 6 months ago that I'd be sitting in front
of my computer waiting for, of all people, Dick Cheney to speak,
I would've said you were crazy.
...but here we are.
9:00
Live Smirk on MSNBC
Watching his Magic Dick's coronation, making me gag!
8:53
Hate to give them credit, but Fox has switched to
covering the convention instead of the conventioneers.
8:50
Armey, the foul-mouthed Dick is DRUNK on MSNBC
right now
8:48
Jack Kemp said it again!
This is the NEW Republican Party...
The old BartCop staple...
Compared to what?
8:45
Ma Richards is on
CNN
Beats Pat Robertson & Gov. Frisky on MSNBC
Fox is asleep.
8:40
Booooring!!
Time to pour a shot.
A shot of Chinaco to victory in November!
8:36
From: Hudly55@aol.com
Subject: Nazi-con
Date: Wed, 2 Aug 2000 21:34:06 EDT
BC,
You should get some kind of a medal for wading through this shit.
I try to
watch two or three minutes and it is back to the Getaway one
of the best
McQueen flicks ever. I don't know how you do it.
Bernie
8:34
From: kwawin kwawin@earthlink.net
Subject: GOP convention
BORING?!
Date: Wed, 2 Aug 2000 20:15:42 -0500
Some old Repub fart on National Public Radio
just said he found the proceedings "boring".
He wants to see more "Clinton-bashing".
Hey bubba....
SO DO I!!!
Let's bring this big, phony "love-fest" to an end, and remind
America
what a mean-spirited, intolerant bunch these guys really are!
From: jwebster@SEIINC.com
Subject: Jeb is
like his brother
Date: Wed, 2 Aug 2000 20:55:20 -0400
"There are all sorts of people at bars and at kitchen tables who
want to
restore dignity to the office of President." Jeb Bush,
10 min ago on CNN
Jon Webster
8:28
Carville
on MCNBC!
Hi to the live surfers,
riderscramp@earthlink.net
mbatchelor@atthits.com
8:26
Lisa
Myers
LIsa Myers is reporting a story off-camera.
(MCNBC didn't have the nerve to show her picture)
Free Lisa Myers!
Free Lisa Myers!
I won't ever forgive or forget that shit...
8:20
Ben Stein, Butch, Bar and
...Bo Derek?
You know Ben Stein is telling Butch
how much he hates Clinton...
8:09
Bob Dole!
Now that he can't hurt us anymore, I like him.
Stewart's about to come out, next.
ha ha
The Rock says he refers to himself in the third person
because he saw Bob Dole to it in 1996!
ha ha
Dole & Jon Stewart on MCNBC coming next.
I hear earlier today, on Jon's show, he gave Dole a hard time
and Dole wasn't real happy about it - could be fun to watch!
Jon said, "If this is the good, nice new GOP,
doesn't that make you the bad, mean, old GOP?"
Dole was not amused.
8:00
Jeb Butch
They say he's the one with half a brain.
Didn't his wife plead guilty to felony smuggling a couple of years
ago?
7:54
They did it!
The Survivors just voted Cheney off the Island!
7:50
Warning!
Newt-Monster on the Loose!
7:49
I don't know who this guy is,
but he just said, "I like dick," on CNN.
7:44
Horseshit!
Here's some gun-nut commercial, where this prick is ripping apart
Old Glory because he can't buy 1,000 unregistered Mac-10's.
CNN aired that commercial, the whores.
They have the reputation of being Clinton's Network but in truth,
they're just whores running screw-the-flag commercials
for some militia group at www.hsssf.org I think.
Boo-Hoo!
If you don't like the gun laws, elect Smirk!
ha ha
7:40
Goddamn Bill Gates!
I had to re-boot AGAIN!
Penitum III at 550 and it squats!
He's gotta be a Republican...
7:25
I must say, the Chinaco is tasting fine tonight.
Since this was a historic event, Mrs. BC let me buy some tequila!
I got some Tres Generaciones, too. so I could "A-B" it
with the champ,
and I must say there was no contest.
Months ago, I said it was good, and it is.
It just can't stand up to the champ.
7:20
Trent Lott!
How'd he get on stage?
7:16
Uncle OJ, lying his ass off
"George W. Bush looooooves us Negroes!"
7:12
ha ha
MSNBC just showed video of John Chancellor being
arrested at the Demo Convention in Chicago, 1968.
7:09
MSNBC
Hey, Timmy!
Take a breath, OK?
7:07
Carville, with Still Smoking!
Carville's being nice, but the never-convicted rapist says
Cheney is going to come out breathing FIRE in tonight's speech!
7:07
Andrea Mitchell, wife
of The Rock!
In this shot, she's on MSNBC, lying.
7:04
They keep telling us this is a NEW Republican Party.
Shouldn't they apologize for the OLD Republican Party
if they want the American voter to forgive their Nazi hate?
6:52
Former Democrat-turned traitor Mike
McCurry
Go ahead, Mike.
Twist the knife.
Twist, twist
That's why you were hired, right?
I think Mary Matalin is more honest.
Hey!
Mary's looking kind of sexy tonight,
in a hates-Clinton's-guts kind of way.
Could be the Chinaco that said that...
6:50
The Hooker
O'Reilly is interviewing some hooker.
I know this is Fox Whore News, but why?
She says a famous Republican came to see her, a few nights ago!
Swear to Koresh!
She won't give the name, tho.
She promised to tell O'Reilly later.
Yeah, I'm REAL sure O'Reilly will tell us the name.
ha ha
6:42
Some Black Guy
Why would...
Oh, that's right.
It's a goddamn masquerade ball in Philly!
6:36
Candy the Whore
"Some people say the GOP is arguably anti-gay."
Yeah, you tramp-for-sale!
Some people say you're arguably anti-Clinton, too.
6:33
The Rock
Yep, they started off on their best foot - with dignity!
Rock said, "Thanks, GOP, for giving us credibility!"
ha ha
Nazi Hate For Sale - But No Takers
Did you see the headline in USA Today?
Page 6D
Viewers Give Thumbs Down to GOP's First Night.
A repeat of NBC's Third Watch drew 4,000,000 more viewers.
BATTERY NIGHT at Busch Stadium Saturday
Actually, I think it's a day game, but wouldn't it be nice if
St Louis showed those girlie-men in New York how it's done?
ha ha
Pigboy - with stitches...
ha ha
VCR Alert
Joe Lockhart (Clinton press sec) on Letterman tonight.
If you didn't hear that Eargasm of Dave's (bottom of page)
Dave said, "Smirk, if you think we're pounding hard now,
trust me, we can pound a whole lot harder!)
Dave should be great with Lockhart tonight!
He's on the same time as Angie Harmon.
That's why it's best to own multiple VCRs.
From: ccc@mwaz.com
Subject: Mama Bush
I find it almost unbelievable that Mama
Bush said on
Good Morning America today that Shurb has
run a very
clean campaign, sticking to issues, and
not name calling.
Perhaps she is getting senile in her declining years.
Jim
ha ha
Jim, check the Begala quote below.
He has a way of succincting stuff.
Hey!
I just created a word!
This Week's GOP Excesses at Nazi-Con 2000
"Write me a $250,000 check, and I'll open the door for you."
From: ScriverLM@lamaur.com
Subject: Angie Harmon
Uuuhhhhh yeah, ...I was just talking to Angie ...umm yeah on the
phone,
and she ...umm she said she was 'terribly disappointed' in President
Clinton.
Yeah I know, I couldn't believe it either.
I hate to say it, but I think you better make her 'pay' for that
comment...
Hopefully,
Lee
ha ha
Reminder
I just wanted to remind you that the media hate machine didn't
even exist
under President Reagan or President Butch. It pretty much started
with
the rise on the Internet, and that's been within the last eight
years.
Clinton is the only president in history to be subject to such
assholes as
Matt Drudge and the web-fueled nonsense like the "Clinton Body
Count."
Isn't there a piece of you that would like to see Smirk win just
to see
the never-ending "what if" cable talk shows grab some innocent
thing
President Smirk did and stretch it a thousand miles in every
direction
using every possible negative connotation and injecting every
possible
sinister motive so as to pout it in the worst light possible
so they can
get their panel of "experts" to discuss the possible outcomes?
Of course, that's not going to happen,
but it would be a lot of fun...
Stroke Me, Stroke Me
"You've got to know when to lie to yourself,
and when not to."
-- Pigboy, letting one of his
secrets slip.
Any wannabe Bob Woodwards out there?
I've got the nucleus of a great story, bigger and
more solid than the
now-infamous "big" story, but I don't have
the time or the patience to
track down dozens of leads on the Internet. I'm sure all the
information
is readily available, but I'm just not the right guy for the
job.
It's possible the whole story could be broken in less than an
hour's surfing,
but right now, I don't even have that hour.
My Catholic upbringing, my ADD and my I.Q. of 64 all work against
me,
but if YOU would like a crack at this story - drop me a line.
Paul Begala Shoots the Bull
Includes a classic, timeless quote from Von Reagan.
McCain gave an eloquent and gracious speech
endorsing Smirk last night.
It was more than Bush deserved, given the
vicious, ruthless, amoral campaign
he ran against McCain in the primaries.
Bush and his allies called McCain a phony,
they questioned this hero's patriotism,
ran an ad that accused him of opposing
breast cancer research, and conducted a
whisper campaign about his mental health.
Despite this scurrilous campaign, McCain
rose above it,
showing why he is more deserving of his
party's nomination than W.
While McCain has forgiven (if not forgotten)
in four months, the Bush family
is still nursing a grudge from eight years
ago. W has now joined Poppy is
whining about President Clinton.
Hey Bushies: news flash -- YOU LOST.
You lost because George Bush was a failed
President. He cared more
about saving his job than about saving
the jobs of Americans who were
unemployed because of his economic policies.
President Clinton said that Bush's message
is:
I'm governor of Texas, my daddy was President
and I owned a baseball team.
Oooooh, that's nasty.
Give me a break.
The Bushies think that's nasty, but when
Daddy was running for President in 1988,
he had President Reagan falsely accuse
Michael Dukakis of being mentally ill.
The Bushies spread this lie, then got a
reporter to ask President Reagan about it.
And Reagan, who never said anything that
wasn't scripted, replied,
"I'm not going to make
fun of an invalid."
So spare me the pious lectures about civility in politics, W.
I've known about that explosive Reagan quote for years, but didn't
have the
exact wording so I didn't want to use it. Personally, I think
I've been pretty good
about not doing Reagan-the-vegetable jokes, but seeing that quote
again,
and knowing what a vile and malicious shit-eater that fuck Reagan
was,
it makes me want to re-think my ban on Reagan jokes......but
no.
Oh, I can't gurantee one won't slip out, because payback
is what I do best,
but we all know that's going too low, even if they did it to
us first.
Besides, Gore's going to win, so it's easy to take the high road
when your boy has a lock on the election.
Rush just said, "The liberals are in a major panic - especially Hillary."
Of course, he didn't say why, or how he
knew, or
who told him,
or what he saw to make him think that, or offer
anything
to substantiate
his wild-ass claim that anyone is in panic mode.
That's what's known as "creation-proof."
The vulgar Pigboy is the "big star" this Saturday at Busch Stadium.
For some reason, the Cardinal Baseball Organization has chosen
to allow Captain Oink throw out the first ball this weekend.
The game is sold out - has been forever, so it wasn't a ploy
to put ditto-monkey's in the seats, so why would they do that?
Can't we have one Nazi-free slice of Americana?
I'm disappointed in you, St Louis Cardinals.
I remember during the height of the Clinton Cock Hunt,
I was so thankful that Mark McGwire gave us a distraction
from the never-ending sexual attacks on our greatest president.
I remember saying, "There are no Nazi's in baseball,
unless that smug bastard George Will goes to the game."
Well, now we have a real-life, whites-only Nazi coming to
Busch Stadium to pollute one of the last bastions of relief.
Shame, shame on the St Louis Cardinal Baseball Organization
The vulgar Pigboy just called Paul Begala "The Forehead."
When did Begala ever say anything about the vulgar Pigboy?
What a cheap-ass, low-blow, below-the-belt slimey thing to say.
...and Pigboy says "The liberals insult people, instead of arguing facts."
What is a "Compassionate
Conservative?"
by Gene Lyons,
Ediotr's Note: Gene Lyons is/was Joe Conason's partner in
available at amazon.com
Reminder
Barbara Bush is pro-choice.
PHILADELPHIA
- There are 85 black delegates at Nazi-Con 2000.
Before
it's over, twice that many blacks will have spoken, or sung on stage.
Great Quotes
"Nazi-Con 2000
looks like the Cotton Club in Harlem.
Black people on stage, white people in the seats."
--I forget who said that.
From: pcd02@gnofn.org
Subject: Killer Bill Maher quotes
"Last night's theme was 'negroes --they're not all scary'."
"They didn't mention Goldwater because
they thought Bush might
hear 'Goldwater' and think they
were asking for a urine test."
"That party could have nominated the
War Hero, but instead they nominated
the petulant preppy, the Empty
Suit. How come the Party of Integrity
wanted this kid instead of the
guy with balls?"
"People are not tired of Clintonism.
People want more of it without the bullshit.
They want more of this unprecedented
peace and prosperity
the President (apparently) should be
punished for."
"John McCain has spent
more time in a prisoner-of-war camp
than this guy's been
governor."
After the token black Republican called
Clinton and the Democrats "criminals"
"Criminal? Criminal?!
Iran/Contra was criminal!
Watergate was criminal!
BLOWJOBS ARE NOT
CRIMINAL!!!
How many times am I going to have to
say that?!"
ha ha
I wonder if Bill Maher has ever read bartcop.com?
I don't know if this was the same show with Arsenio, I think
it was...
Arsenio said he was "terribly disappointed" in Clinton.
Maher looked at him with a look that just fucking killed, and said,
"Why? ..and if you say 'because
of the blow jobs,'
I'm going to reach over there
and smack you HARD!
I KNOW you.
I know you well, and you're the
last man in the world
that should say anything about
trading fame for oral sex."
We need to do an intervention on Arsenio.
Maybe he was kidding, but all night he stayed in "Hood" mode.
I understood him, I understand "hood," mostly, but most of
white America probably wondered what the fuck was going on.
Every word I heard from Arsenio was gang-talk, street-talk,
with all the gestures, the backwards cap etc. Arsenio
is a
multi-millionaire and he was talking like an uneducated street
thug.
...and he's really down on Clinton now,
saying Alan Keyes is his choice for president.
ha ha
VCR Alert -
and you'll need the High-Grade tape
(Men Only)
If you get the Sundance Channel, at Midnight EST, you can see
"Lawn Dogs,"
starring Angie Harmon and her spectacularly magnificent breasts.
Yes, she's nude in
this one.
It's a good thing Ms. Harmon has never trashed the President,
or I'd be forced to do a special on her.
Can you say, "Backfire?"
ha ha
There was a lot I couldn't get to last night.
But when they introduced their hero President Ford,
I remembered how much the vulgar Pigboy hates his ass.
"Why should we listen to anything
Ford says?"
"How many elections did Ford win?"
"Why is Ford always telling the GOP
what to do?"
"I don't remember Ford winning any landslides."
Then, they brought out Smirk Daddy.
Remember what Rush said about him, a hundred times?
"A Clinton clone."
Now he wants the son-of-a-butch so be president?
ha ha
Poor Pigboy.
He's never cast a ballot for a succesful president.
He voted for Bush in 92, then Dole in '96.
Before that "Mr. Republican" wasn't even registered to vote.
Do you know why?
"Because the lines to register were too long."
Gerald Ford Suffers Small
Limba
Wednesday, Aug. 2, 2000; 12:51 p.m. EDT
PHILLY – Gerald Ford suffered a stroke while attending Nazi-Con
2000
but was described by doctors as "doing well."
Doctors added that the former president was "thinking clearly."
(cough)
Slimed by Peggy Noonan (R-Bitch)
We are living in the economy the men of
the '80s made. It is one of the
great lies of the Clinton era that he did
it. And you might, in speaking of
this, use it as a refrain: "Bill Clinton
didn't do this--you did it."
ha ha
Bill Clinton, one wag has observed, was
the car salesman on the floor
when the billionaire came in and bought
a fleet of Caddies.
He didn't make the car.
He didn't make the money that bought the
car.
He wrote up the order and went out to dinner.
What Ms. Noonan fails to tell the reader is this:
That billionaire waited 12 years for that other asshole salesman
to leave.
He really liked the new salesman, so he bought the fleet.
Excuse me, but isn't that WHIPPED cream cheese?
ha ha
Who ever thought we'd see the GOP in a skirt?
ha ha
Maureen Dowd vs The Smirk Family
From: (withheld)
I missed convention coverage last night, so I didn't see Ms. Rice's
speech.
Rush seemed to like it, though.
Do you remember Rush frequently saying that one of the bad things
about
affirmative action is that whenever you see an educated black,
you wonder how they got into that good college in the first place?
He used to say that a lot--using the example of a black doctor.
Rush apparently doesn't think that anymore, and I wonder, will
he spend just
15 seconds to admit that we were right and he was wrong about
this sub-issue?
ha ha
From: sabutai@ix.netcom.com
Campaign Check Found Lying Around
PHILADELPHIA (AP) - There's been a lot of talk about campaign
contributions
floating around at the Republican National Convention. At least
one was just
lying on the ground waiting to be picked up.
Two reporters for The Philadelphia Inquirer happened upon a $5,000
check for
New York Rep. John McHugh's re-election campaign that was sticking
out from
under a motorized cart outside the convention center.
The check was from Advo Inc., a direct-mail company based in Windsor,
Conn.,
which gives regularly to McHugh. The congressman chairs the House
Government
Reform subcommittee on the U.S. Postal Service.
McHugh told the newspaper he had met Tuesday with Advo representatives
in a
hotel bar, but they couldn't find the check they had meant to
give him.
"`They said they just couldn't find it,'' McHugh said.
"I don't think they knew where it was.''
The Inquirer returned the check.
Celebrity Mail
From: Patrick Farley
Subject: The New Face of the GOP
Remember Limbaugh's Undeniable Truth Number 23?
"The only way liberals win national elections is by pretending they're not liberals."
ha ha
Be sure and visit Partrick's site - one of the best on the web.
http://www.e-sheep.com/
http://www.e-sheep.com/rusheats/
The Philadelphia Story
#3
Exclusive for bartcop.com Readers
You go, girl!
This is hueueueuge.
From: kataghaway@cs.com
Subject: LOVED THIS ONE!!
The average RNC attendee sees a black person
in a Porsche.
He calls it in from his cell phone as a
Grand Theft Auto...
The average RNC attendee sees a Latina in
a Porsche,
assumes her drug dealing boyfriend/hubby/sugar-daddy
gave it to her !
Could be J.C. Watts' bag man or Bob Johnson
or Derek Jeter, but noooooooooooo!!
----That's as inclusive a they can handle.
. .
Remember Smirk-Daddy when asked if he and
Bar had made the acquaintance
of any of the locals while they were in
China representing you and I?
He answered "Oh yes! They gave us a boy
to play tennis with."
ha ha
Make her stop!
On a tarmac in Florida when asked to identify
his three grandchildren
in the waiting throngs of well-wishers,
pointed and said
"The little brown ones over there"
Thanks!
Kathleen
I got some e-mail from a fan last night that said he reads bartcop.com
on the average of about once every three days.
That means he's missing 60-80 percent, as things heat up.
Now,
don't read any more of bartcop.com than you
want to,
but if you read thru "The Latest" and don't see anything you
recognize,
it's perfectly legal to hit that "Previous Issue" button and
see
what went on when you were visiting more important sites.
(cough)
US Senate Mail
From: Marc Perkel
Subject: No mention of Clinton
What I find interesting is that no one is
mentioning either Clinton or
impeachment. Clinton is so powerful that
to envoke his name exposes one
to his wrath. The Republicans are so scared
of Clinton that they don't
even mention his name.
Why isn't Newt there?
Where is Lott, Armey, Nickles, and Hyde?
Why are they not showcasing the impeachment
managers?
And the big question is,
how long are they going to be able to resist
the dirty politics?
ha ha
This is going to be soooo good!
ha ha
The Really Important Things
in Life
Yes, it's another tequila story
Most of you probably won't read that,
so soak in this excerpt:
For years, only one 100 percent agave
tequila, Herradura,
was available in the States, thanks
to Bing Crosby and Phil Harris,
who discovered it on a trip to Mexico
in the 1940's
and arranged for its distribution in
this country.
Bing, and Phil, a shot of Chinaco Anejo to you both!
Bing, if you were here, old buddy, I'll bet you'd just love the
exciting
but mellow taste of fine Chinaco Anejo premium,
luxury tequila.
When God rests after a tough day, he relaxes with Chinaco
Anejo.
I've had the Herradura, and it's fine.
But it's no Chinaco.
Sidebar:
I'm going to break the 90-day old rule
and get me some Chinaco to sip
while I watch the Heartbeat tonight and
the idiot Smirk tomorrow night.
I will raise a toast to Bing Crosby and
Phil Harris.
"I'm dreaming, of a Chinaco Anejo Christmas..."
Thanks to Margaret Shemo
Last night, Dole was a little drunk and accidentally used the wrong arm.
That Gervase guy from the island?
Did you hear him whining in yesterday's USA Today?
He said he went to the Red Lobster in his neighborhood and a
full-scale panic broke out.
"There are so many women - white women even - who want to
sleep with me because I was on that stupid island."
Then he fled the scene in his new Jeep.
If I won a million dollars, I damn sure wouldn't buy a jeep.
Fair is Fair
From: Dian.Hardison-1@kmail.ksc.nasa.gov
The wealthy are now crying that any "budget
surplus"
should be returned to them as tax breaks.
Exxon Mobil Corporation reported a surplus
of $4.53 BILLION
for the second quarter. Should it be returned
to Exxon's customers?
Microsoft reported a surplus of $9.42 BILLION
for fiscal year ending 6/30/00.
Should it be returned to Microsoft customers?
ha ha
Dian, be careful.
They don't like it when you fight back...
The Tree House is having it's busiest day ever,
but take a minute to read the always-great Joe Conason!
It was hard not to imagine that Tom DeLay and Dick Armey
were somewhere backstage laughing.
Behind the Spectacle Are Very
Real Policies
by Joe Conason
Those Bush Republicans certainly know how to put on a cute convention.
With the prime-time emphasis on colorful symbolism—or tokenism,
as the
skillful deployment of minority and female faces used to be known—the
Republican Party is now marketing the imagery of inclusion and
compassion
that once belonged exclusively to Democrats.
Instead of performances by Patrick Buchanan or Pat Robertson,
the preferred
entertainments were provided by black dancers and gospel singers.
When they
did their stuff before the almost lily-white and mostly male
audience on the
convention floor, the proceedings in Philadelphia came perilously
close to the
political equivalent of minstrelsy at an Elks Club smoker.
Nobody decried this strange spectacle as pandering, presumably
because the
notion of a less exclusionary and bigoted Republicanism is so
appealing after
decades of racially divisive rhetoric. Regardless of party, every
decent
American naturally prefers to see Colin Powell rather than Willie
Horton, and
to hear about homeless advocates instead of welfare queens.
Having the Pledge of Allegiance recited by a blind mountain-climber
(and
why didn’t they find an Asian-American or Hispanic blind mountain-climber?)
ha ha
was perhaps slightly over the top. But even that touch of soap
opera evoked a
fine moment in George Herbert Walker Bush’s presidency, when
he signed the
Americans with Disabilities Act.
Amid all the uplifting, optimistic pageantry, however, it was
hard not to
imagine that Congressional bosses Tom DeLay and Dick Armey—as
well as
the corporate chieftains who bankrolled this multicultural
show—were somewhere
backstage laughing. Messrs. DeLay and Armey come from Texas,
after all, and
therefore have intimate firsthand knowledge of what "compassionate
conservatism"
has meant in practice over the past five years. Like the lobbyists
and
executives who so eagerly pour millions of dollars into the crusade
for a Bush
restoration, they understand the difference between propaganda
and policy.
Propaganda says that "no child will be left behind." Policy,
in Texas and on Capitol Hill,
leaves millions just like the kids posed with George W. Bush
in crowded and crumbling
schoolrooms, deprived of proper textbooks and preschool education.
Propaganda, in the pages of the new Republican platform, vows
to "preserve
and improve Medicare" and to honor "a commitment to all Americans"
for
"affordable, quality health insurance." Policy opposes national
health
insurance, cuts Medicare funding, guts the Patients’ Bill of
Rights, stalls
prescription-drug benefits and blocks enrollment in the Child
Health Insurance
Program. Propaganda rants incessantly about "saving Social Security."
Policy
would turn Social Security over to fee-hungry and fraud-ridden
financial
companies. Propaganda promises "significant tax relief [targeted]
especially
toward low-income workers." Policy attempts to cut the Earned
Income Tax
Credit which benefits those workers, attempts to abolish the
minimum wage, plans a
Treasury-busting $1.3 trillion tax cut skewed toward the most
wealthy Americans,
and provides special tax breaks to political contributors.
Propaganda pledges "stewardship of our natural resources" and
the use of
"public lands for the public good." Policy undermines the Environmental
Protection Agency, weakens clean-water statutes, allows corporate
polluters to
write regulations and regulate their own industries, and results
in a permanent
cloud of lethal smog over Houston.
Although the Republicans subtly (and not so subtly) disparage
Bill Clinton
for his personal weaknesses, they are blatantly imitating him
in this attempt to
blur partisan distinctions for political purposes. Despite the
President’s
speechifying about the end of "big government" and his deft appropriation
of
conservative issues such as crime and welfare, Clinton Administration
policy
has shifted the nation decisively away from the stagnant conservatism
of the
Reagan and Bush years.
Mr. Clinton sounded jarringly conservative when he spoke about
balancing the
budget and cutting programs, but the deficit was closed mainly
by raising taxes
on the wealthiest segment of society, even as tax benefits for
the poor were
increased sharply. He promoted a business-friendly image for
the Democratic
Party, even as he required corporations to accept the costs of
the Family and
Medical Leave Act and a steadily increasing minimum wage.
Now Mr. Bush sounds jarringly liberal when he unveils a new and
costly
literacy initiative, or suggests he will spend more on Head Start.
Despite all the little insults that are and will be tossed in
Mr. Clinton’s
direction by Republicans, their nominee blatantly flatters the
despised
President by imitation. Intelligent figures on the right hear
those echoes;
quite understandably, a few of them cannot suppress a disdainful
grimace while
enduring all the mush in Philadelphia.
But they yearn for the White House. They too know policy from
propaganda.
And they are hoping nobody explains the difference to the rest
of the country
before November.
Tom Delay - Spreading the Wealth
It’s all about access and influence and no one is more adept at
brokering it
than Tom DeLay, (R-Vacuum Hose), one of the most powerful
House leaders,
who has more than $1 million to give members of Congress the
royal treatment.
“I’ve been going to Republican conventions since 1984,” says John
McCain,
everybody's favorite former-hero.
“I’ve never heard of such lavish treatment for members of Congress
before.”
DeLay has set up a fleet of some 100 limousines for members of
Congress,
as well as a private train with an open bar parked on a stretch
of specially
laid track near the convention site.
From Rita Quick
Dick Cheney's Multi-Million Dollar Revolving Door
Great Delegate Quotes
"Bush has the warmth, and Cheney has the competence
and integrity,"
said Jean Preston, a North Carolina delegate.
ha ha
Did she just say that Smirk is INCOMPETENT and had no INTEGRITY?
I think she did!
Try to hear the first hour of the vulgar Pigboy today.
Trust me.
Gore went to 'Nam.
Bush went AWOL.
Ex-Clinton official slams
Bush and Cheney war records
By Jake Tapper
Great Carville Quotes
"Everybody here is in massive denial that they have anything to
do with politics.
It's almost like to be here, to be a Republican, is to deny you
are a Republican,"
A good Republican is one that don't want anybody to know it."
-James Carville
Pardon in Hospital
Former President Gerald (Pardon) Ford was hospitalized last night.
Doctors discovered his sugar/glucose level was a dangerous 660.
They originally thought his pancreas had shut down, but then they
realized he was at the "all new" GOP Sweetie Pie convention.
Doctors had Ford listen to 30 minutes of "Porno for Pyros"
and his blood sugar dropped back down to a respectable 244.
This Just In...
My sources tell me tonight in Philadelphia, they've decided they're
going to vote that old Dick Cheney guy off the island.
Coupla Quick Eargasms
Tuesday, Leno pounded Monday's Nazi-Con
2000
Pounded them, I tell you.
At least hear the short version, to see if the long version is worth it.
Then, at the same time, through techology yada, yada, yada,
here is some Letterman, trust me, putting a Bartcop-Style
POUNDING
on the poor Smirkster, who'll be featured in every trivia quiz
in 2002.
Dave, pound by pound short version
Dave, pound by pound long version
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