15 Rounds with Papax7
and I haven't even found his e-mails yet
Ediotr's Note: The previous e-mail attributed to Papax7 was my mistake.
Someone sent Papa a hate-gram, and he sent me a copy with "Five
Kids?"
in the header and the body of the message required several "page
downs"
so I missed it the first time. I thought he was ducking the question.
He has replied in full and with much wind.
It's 5:30 CDT so I'll answer this from BartCop manor.
Click Here to see Papa try to wear me down with endless minutia.
The Oil Tanker 'Condeleeza Rice'
Al Gore's family made it big through his
father's connections
to big oil magnate Armand Hammer of Occidental
Petroleum.
Still, Gore never had an oil tanker named after him.
That's an honor reserved for Smirk's token
negress, Condoleeza Rice.
Yes, it's true that Chevron has named one
of its big tankers after her.
Rice serves on the board of Chevron.
Isn't there anyone on Smirk's team that's not Big Oil?
Impeachment Managers to Fete Starr, Raise Funds
Most Republicans don't talk about impeachment anymore,
but the House managers are still using it to bring in the bucks:
Their PAC is hosting "A Tribute to Judge Kenneth W.
Starr"
on Oct. 4 at the Washington Hilton.
"Our tribute to Judge Starr is one way to remind the American
people
that there are honorable men who place duty before principles
in the face
of overwhelming opposition," reads the invite to the $100-a-person
dinner.
House Managers PAC director Greg Roney said he hoped the event
would
"raise awareness and even funds" for the committee, which has
brought in
$60,000 to $70,000 since its inception last March.
Roney said that Starr "didn't seek the job" of independent counsel.
"We feel he was unfairly treated and we want to honor him in
every way we can."
Democratic Congressional Campaign Committee spokesman Erik Smith
called
the event "a breathtaking example of bad political judgment."
From: johnsuhr@my-freenet.com
Subject: Whats Up?
What are you going to do when your party
takes all your money
because they feel they can spend it more
wisely then you?
You start out with a negative pregnant.
Maybe good first impressions aren't your forte.
I'm sure your would not mind as long as
they provide a job,
car, house, food, healthcare, prescriptions,
etc. for you and your family.
What?
Next, you and your family will line up with
all your other liberal friends
to get your number tattooed on your head
so you can feed from the
governments tit, provided by your wolf
in sheep's clothing,
caring feel your pain, government dictator/saton.
I can tell you're using English, because I can spot some familiar
words,
but I can't figure out what you're trying to say.
I know, you will have a hard time saying
NO!
because you have lost all your authority,
money and guns.
What?
Some e-mail that was forwarded to me...
Trebby@my-deja.com
(Trebor) wrote:
Take it from me - Bush is definitely drinking. The idea
that he stopped on his
40th birthday was just a story he had to make up when he decided
to go into politics.
Anybody who's ever been around an alcoholic knows the signs:
His mangled speech,
his general lack of seriousness, the fact that he can only do
one or two events a day,
and even then he's usually unprepared. Just a couple days
ago, while Gore was still
rising in the polls, Bush had to take another entire day off
after he'd just had a week off
during the Democratic convention. What was that all about?
Then the very next day he
delivers another one of his incoherant speeches that sounded
more like a Foster Brooks
routine than a political speech. The guy is definitely
on another toot.
The pressure has simply gotten to him.
cheers,
Trebor
Lars says, "Let's cuff the bastard."
From: JennyQ1@aol.com
Dittospanks argue that Gore's loyalty to
Clinton during the impeachment
insanity, when Gore said Clinton would
be regarded by historians as one of
the greatest presidents, should be used
against him.
Does that mean when the Bush boy said Thomas
Jefferson, slave owner AND
slave rapist, was one of the greatest presidents,
we should hold it against him?
If you're logically consistent it does.
If you're a Dittospank, logic and
consistency aren't a factor in your evaluations.
Good point.
Had Gore failed to stand by his president, and still gotten himself
nominated,
I would go door-to-door working for that idiot Smirk.
Cheney Says Smirk Didn't Tell Truth
,
has won another golf tournament.
How long before he destroys golf?
Think about college football. Let's say Nebraska beats every
team 70-6.
When the loser teams play each other, it's a real game, like
28-24,
but Nebraska is always a 60-point winner, even playing Florida
State.
Who, besides Lincolnites, would want to watch a Nebraska game?
Mr. Perfect is ruining golf.
One other thing...
Venus Williams is now the best female tennis player in the world.
And you know what?
She's black!
The best golfer and the best lady tennis player in the world are
black!
It's getting to where a Republican can't even go to the club
without running into "one of them."
Great Tennis Quotes
"With all the excitement surrounding Grand Slam-winning sisters
Venus and
Serena Williams, the men may eventually have to sue for equal
pay.''
-- John McEnroe in The New Yorker
There's a new Miss Teen USA, Jillian Parry.
Cute enough, but is she a ditto-monkey?
From: pajessb@msn.com
Subject: Please, Joe, please...
...Please lay off this "there must be a
role for faith in America's public life" crap.
It offends me just as much when it comes
from Al's running mate
as it does from fundementalist KKKristians.
Your comments, sir!
PJ
I don't care to hear which set of superstitious nonsense runs
his life,
but freedom of religion is a foundation block of BartCopism.
Yeah, he should stick to the real world, but he's telling voters
what he's about
so in a fair-and-honest way he's got my OK to talk about it.
Speaking of the Devil,
I read where some schools had their first football game this weekend,
and some risked a lawsuit to pray over the PA.
I think this shows a healthy America.
When the school district loses that suit, their property taxes
will go up
to pay the damages, and that's what those people want, right?
If some judge decides the school district must pay $25,000 every
time
they break the law, then I say break away.
I also read that some people did it (I believe) legally by meeting
at
the flagpole before the game to pray. I will fight (but not die
for)
their right to VOLUNTARY prayer. As long as the school bus doesn't
leave early so the crazy kids can pray, it's OK with me.
Since it's impossible to prevent prayer (and why would we try?)
I don't
see any problem with praying at the flag. If there's a rule or
statute that
attempts to prohibit this, contact me and I'll help, but stay
off the school
public address system unless you want to write the ACLU a big-ass
check..
I just heard a Pigboy caller tell Tony Snow that
Clinton would've hit on Chelsea if Hillary hadn't done it
first.
Tony laughed, let the guy go on for a while, then eventually cut
him off.
You see how Pigboy's incest fantasies have sprouted?
Gore couldn't lose this if he did the rest of the campaign without fucking pants.
Nixon on Hard Drugs
Late US President Richard Nixon was under the influence of mood-altering
drugs
without prescription for at least part of his term in office,
according to revelations
published in a new biography.
So bad was the problem, the book says, that at the height of the
Vietnam War
the then Secretary of Defense, James Schlesinger, ordered military
commanders
not to react to orders from the White House, unless they were
cleared with him
or the secretary of state.
So, Schlesinger was actually president?
(Koresh, I fainted when I read that line.)
The president of the United States wasn't actually president?
Gee, if this story had involved Clinton's cock, it'd be BIG!
Please, Smirk!
Work hard, to get elected, so you can relax the air quality standards
so all of America can be coughing like those poor Texas children.
Please, Smirk!
I heard from my buddy Papax7 about his woodshed experience.
He wrote me a hot note saying he had SEVEN kids, not five.
Sure, I do some editing when I post e-mail, as those of you who've
been published know. Sometimes people take 150 words to say,
"I like Gore and hate Smirk."
In Papa's case, the line read, "I have seven kids, five in school."
I changed that to "I have five kids in school," so I'm a bad
man.
Funny, he had no comment on my charge that he puts Rush first,
and,
if there's any room left over, Jesus Christ wiggles in there
somewhere.
Did he have a comment on that?
Nooooooooooooooo.
You can always tell when you have 'em in a box.
Their only way out is to ignore the question.
So let me say this one more time:
If I was a religious person, my God would come before my Chinaco,
before Jimmy Page, before Bill Clinton, before my girlie-picture
downloading,
before Chris Rock or Dennis Miller, before any damn thing on
this planet,
(I'm not sure about family. I know people who broke
off their engagement
because they were afraid they were starting to
love the other person more
than Jesus Christ, which seems triple-absurd to
a non-believer)
but anyway, if I was a religious person, I'd have no trouble
at all saying
Rush is a snotty, slimeball son-of-a-bitch, but religious people
can't?
What kind of man is Rush that he can make Christians remain silent
when called to defend their God by an agnostic?
From: (withheld)
Do the Math
Smirk is 54.
He says he hasn't had a drink since he
turned 40.
He turned 40 on July 9, 1986.
Why is he drunk in a tape that is "said
to have been made during the early 1990s."?
Will Bush's story change from "Haven't touched
a drop since my fortieth birthday," to
"Occasionally had a glass of wine at religious
events," to
"Only got smashed at special events like
weddings, ZZ Top concerts and executions," to
"Get off my fucking back, I'll drink when
I want to."
ha ha
Is Pickles an enabler who allowed W. to
lie to us, or did W. deceive his own wife?
Will ditto-monkeys still trust W. even
though he's lying about his drinkin?
Good point.
If he's been lying to Pickles, he'll lie to us, right?
We know there's tons of shit like this out there, waiting to
surface.
I thought they'd release this stuff convention week, but nooooo.
I can't wait to see this tape!
Hi friends,
Many of you may know that Julie Hiatt Steele and I have
become close friends. I am in a position to know that due
to the outrageous destruction & invasion of her life by Ken
Starr, she has yet to recover by finding a job or other means
of supporting herself and her child. To be blunt, the shit
is
about to hit the proverbial fan this week and she is quite
frantic trying to decide what to do about her situation.
So, I'm asking you please to see what you can do to send
her some financial help. She has no idea I am sending out
a plea for help on her behalf. If I didn't know how bad
things
are for her and what she faces I wouldn't be asking either.
Please think long and hard about this and what her stand
against the radical right means to us as a nation and in the
name of decency. She took the honest road and faces the
loss of her home and everything else this week. She might
have caved in and let them indict Clinton on a lie, or done
something else to take the easy way and save herself all this
trouble and financial disaster, but she chose to do what made
the difference in us having Clinton another two years because
it was right.
Now, do we want the message to be that we must face ruin
by doing the correct and decent thing? Because if she does
go down that is the reality of what her stand means. We
as a
party have not the money of the GOP to support and reward
those who stand up for the rights of all. That does not
take us
off the hook to help support those of us under fire on the front
lines of the
political wars. We simply MUST help her, even with
just $5.00, but it can add up if we all pitch in together.
So just
please think of her and her child and what she is going through
without telling us of her troubles. If I didn't know enough
about things I
couldn't even know to ask for help for her. She's very
proud and embarrassed
at pleas for help on her behalf. Think how easily it could
have been one of us
in her shoes and try to send her something.
Thank you from the bottom of my heart for anything you feel able
to do
to help her today. God bless and keep you all in His care.
Love,
Linda Starr
Her address:
Julie Hiatt Steele
10701 Arsenal Drive
Midlothian, Va 23113
Dick Cheney's last job gave him a $40,000,000 bonus.
Smirk's oil buddies made him rich without ever striking oil.
Together, these two multi-millionaires are taking a 90% cut in pay.
I wonder to whom they will be loyal?
Big Oil or the lowly taxpayer?
Mike at dee@tiki.net sent me this MP3 of Pigboy having a stroke.
ha ha
Send more like this!
Las Vegas Update
Vegas Makes Gore a 9-5 Favorite
Koresh, that seems low.
Maybe there's a video of Gore dancing naked on a bar somewhere...
ha ha
Gore couldn't lose this if he tried.
From: Brainsmasher
Subject: Homo Erectus
Santa, a semi-ardent admirer of yours, sent
me a note saying some of his
posts in the guestbook are being deleted
and he wanted to know if I was
afraid of the truth.
I replied I had nothing to do with it but
I would ask you about it today in
our "staff" meeting. I'm sure he's just
fucking it up, but he is a "customer"
and I since it was Sunday, I wanted to
be nice to one insectia. So, do you
care to comment about this scurrilous attack
on Santa's freedom of expression
rights?
Hope you are having a great time in the New Millennium.
Bs
I guess this will have to be a faith thing,
but I've never deleleted anything from the guest book.
I don't know if that would be a high-tech thing or not,
but I was real proud that I was able to copy & paste
the code to create the damn thing.
Koresh's truth be known, I don't even read it.
If something happens there, like a debate challenge,
someone do me a favor and send me some e-mail about it.
Maybe Santa has some reality issues he needs to deal with...
The former Skirtboy, Shane, whose Chinaco I drank this weekend,
sent this cartoon of the Govnor.
Karl Rove: The meeting's adjourned. Oh, I'm sorry, Sir. You say that.
Govnor: Say what?
Karl Rove: The meeting's adjourned.
Govnor: It is?
Karl Rove: No, Govnor, you say that.
Govnor: Say what?
Karl Rove: The meeting's adjourned.
Govnor: It is?
Karl Rove: No, goddammit,you say that.
Govnor: Say what?
Karl Rove: The meeting's adjourned.
Govnor: It is?
...ad infinitum.
Sex in the City Update (see below)
From: Hudly55@aol.com
BC,
My wife is a big fan of the show and I watch it and enjoy too.
ALL of the four female characters are single.
In tonights episode Charlotte got married to a guy that can't
get it up (He was rich).
So the HO Dr. Laura is wrong again.
Bernie
When Smirk is feeling down, because he's going to lose this
race,
how does he keep himself occupied?
From: sniper@cei.net
Subject: Cheney and AWOL remark
I read in the paper that Cheney used the AWOL remark and then
admitted
that he didn't know exactly what AWOL meant. So, I asked a
51 year old black
female with no family members in the military what AWOL stood
for.
She said she wasn't sure but thought it stood for "Absent With Out Leave"
Looks to me like she has a shot at being in Bush's Administration
advising
on Military Matters.
ha ha
From: harlene@kopp.com
Subject: Thank you Mike Malloy!
Dear BartCop,
I'm so glad I found you! You make my day!
I'm sorry Mike isn't on the air any more. That great liberal
(ha ha) radio station WLS
in Chicago dumped him , but kept the local morning morons,
Rush, and Dr.Laura.
How's that for a daily lineup?
Thank goodness I got a computer two months ago!
Now I've got you and I'm hooked!
I may be simply a 68 year old , white haired, ultra-liberal
old dame, but
I've got a big brain. Why, I may even go looking for a bottle
of Chinaco.
Sounds great, and the only way I've had tequila up to now is
Cuervo in a Margerita.
We're never too old to learn!
Wish I could tell some of those fuddy-duddy Republicans exactly that.
Your new fan,
NanaLenni
Dancin' and smirking' the night away.
Ladies and Gentlemen, let's have a round of applause for Don Arbow!
Smirk - Felon?
Bush Camp Split on When To Go Negative
Richard L. Berke
of the New York Whore Times
WASHINGTON, Aug. 24 -- The cancellation of a GOP TV ad attacking
Al Gore's trustworthiness has exposed tensions within the
Bush campaign
over whether to go negative against the vice president now.
Gov. George W. Bush of Texas said this morning that he had
stepped in
to block the advertisement. But despite his insistence
that voters....
Wait a minute!
Smirk ...stepped in?
Excuse me, I'm not an expert, but wasn't this SOFT money?
Isn't SOFT money, by law, independent from the candidate?
By what authority did Smirk shut down an independent ad?
Should we have someone take a look at this?
I think Harold Ickes might like a crack at it, so to
speak.
Let's give Ickes unrestrained subpeona power and unrestrained
money with
an inexhaustable army of FBI agents and see what crimes Smirk
"may have
been involved with" or "may have known who was involved."
Looks to me like Smirk just admitted, in the New York Whore
Times,
that he, personally, is controlling this soft money - and
that's a felony!!
Look at the words Smirk used: "Smirk said he stepped in."
That sure looks like a public confession from an idiot.
Can we get some charges filed on this felon?
After all, this is about the rule of law.
Of course, you know I'm just kidding
when I say we should investigate Smirk.
Smirk controlling, channelling and funnelling
hundreds of millions of dollars
worth of soft money isn't as threatening to
the Constitution as Clinton's cock.
If you hurry right over to Drudge's page, you can thrill
yourself reading
the fantastic story of the man who tried to cut
off his own testicles.
Wow!
Really, Matt?
Koresh help us all...
I didn't read the story,
and I'm not going to link you to it,
but if that's your idea of "gotta-have" news,
hurry over to the page of Rush's best friend Drudge
and read this fantasticly entertaining story
From: WilliamL15@prodigy.net
Subject: Jobs well done
If I was an employer named USA and I
hired a worker who quadrupled my
company's deficit and led my company
into red ink, and then I hired a worker who
greatly increased my company's profits
and turned around the red ink into black ink,
who do you think I'd keep on as an employee?
Bill
The GOP says it's best to vote for whichever guy is making
the most promises
to "restore dignity" to the company his daddy got fired from.
Friday on the LA She-Thing's hate radio show, she was talking
about the
HBO program "Sex in the City," and Laura the Martyr had a
story to tell.
She started (as always) with a false personal attack against
the women
who star in that show. She said it was an awful show, "where
the women,
who are all married, try to see who can bed the most men that
week."
I don't watch that show, but I'm pretty sure all four of the
main characters aren't married.
The writers would be idiots to have four married women.
I'd be surprised if even half
were married. It's my best guess they have either one married
woman or none out of the four,
but if Laura the Unloved can tear them down when they have
no chance to reply, her sheep
might think she's above them on her lil' paid-for morality
scale.
It's possible she said the women were married in real life,
but what the hell difference would that make?
It's immoral to be married and play a single hussy on TV?
Is it wrong to play a bad character in the movies or theater?
If so, who will play Herod in the Baby Jesus Story?
Who will play Judas Maximus in the Greatest Story Ever Told?
Well, OK, George Stephanopolis might do...
Who would play Ken Starr in the Bill Clinton Story?
No, I think the "doctor" was making shit up again.
...and why was she talking about "Sex in the City" in the first place?
She said years ago, when they were first starting out,
the producers tried to advertise on her hate show,
and the evil Nazi doktor told them, "Nein!"
Now, consider this, from the last issue:
RadioShack and Motel 6 join the list
of Laura advertising dropouts:
Procter & Gamble,
Priceline.com,
Natrol,
Red Lobster,
Gateway Computers,
EchoStar/Dish Network,
Skytel,
Geico Insurance,
Xerox,
ToysRUs.com,
More.com,
BoxLot.com,
the Ohio State Lottery,
United Airlines,
AT&T,
American Express,
Kraft,
Kroger,
Amica Insurance and TCF Bank,
How long before that money-grubbing,
gotta-have-every-nickle whore
calls them back and says, "Bygones?"
From: kww@snip.net
Subject: Smirk v. Quayle
If my choices for president were Quayle and Shrub,
I would have to write in Chippy the Chimp!!!
ha ha
BTW - There must be a "town hall" debate so America can see
Big Al (6'2")
standing next to Shrub (5'9") on the same stage.
The taller guy has always won since the dawn of the TV age.
Best Regards,
Kevin in (Gore now leading) NJ
Home Video Puts Smirk On Edge
Video footage of Republican presidential hopeful George W.
Bush talking to
a camera during a wedding, appearing sarcastic, obnoxious
and drunker 'n shit,
has become a top-level concern inside Smirk's inner-circle,
says the DRUDGE WHORE.
Bush intimates fear the tape, said to have been made during
the early 1990s,
may surface soon after the Labor Day holiday.
"No respectable media outlet will have anything to do with
this trash," predicted a top
campaign source.
ha ha
Are you kidding me?
Did America reject capitalism and whorism last night while
I was asleep?
Lisa Myers would sex a bull on Smirk's ranch for that tape.
Backdoor Bettina Gregory would stab her mother for
a copy.
Wolf the Whore would hold a gun to his own goddamn head for
that story.
ha ha
"No respectable media outlet?"
What year does he think this is?
1991?
From: JennyQ1@aol.com
Subject: The Fun New Game!!!
BartCop wrote:
> I accused the GOP, truthfully, of wanting to slash school
lunches.
> That's the truth, that's what they tried to do, that's what
they wanted,
> that was the plan until Clinton and the Democrats stopped
them.
OH!! I see. UMMIE TRY!! UMMIE TRY!!
ha ha
She's doing her Smirk
Impression!
K...how about this..
The GOFP and the Bush boy now run around
saying the
"Congress secured health insurance for
2 million children of the working poor".
But I remember when the issue came up,
The Best President Until Gore
had to FIGHT TOOTH AND NAIL to get them
to agree to providing health care
to this group of children. Clinton
had to threaten a SECOND government
shutdown until the GOFP finally caved
in submission.
So..let's see..The GOFP WANTED to deprive
2 million low income children
of health care but Clinton/Gore FORCED
them to go along with their program
to cover these children. So they
DID!
Did I do it good, Bartcop? Did
I??
That was fun!!!
You must have a degree in verbology.
I can die now,
...knowing there are others who can carry on.
What do you get when you cross
a world-class writer with life & death?
You get Molly Ivins.
From: edofarrell@worldnet.att.net
Subject: Bad Advice From CATO
CATO advised the GOP to cut the school lunch program, not to
save money,
but because school lunches are an abuse of Federal Power.
Has CATO ever argued against programs like giving McDonald's
money
to market itself in Eastern Europe? Or Federal tax breaks
for business lunches?
Corporate lunches are good, school lunches are bad.
God it is hard tobe a Republican these days.
-Ed-
ha ha
I was startled Sunday after noon.
Since we've had football the last three weekends, I looked
for a game.
Imagine my shock when I accidentally found a golf tournament
and (choke)
there was a white guy on the screen, and I'm not kidding I
saw it myself!!!!
Wondering what the hell was going on, I flipped around some
more and yep,
as soon as I hit CBS it was all Tiger all the time.
I've got a interesting article somewhere telling the plight
of the other golfers.
Their endorsement deals are failing to renew because, after
all, their logos won't
be on TV anymore because their faces never appear on TV anymore.
The average tour golfer makes between $250,000 and $3,000,000
each year
from corporate sponsor deals, but that was before Mr. Perfect
came to town.
This story gave specific examples of some other golfer shooting
out of a sand trap
to tie for the lead, but they cut away because Tiger was waving
to the crowd.
Another guy, on a six-hole birdie-eagle run, loses the camera
because
Mr. Perfect stopped to tie his shoe.
Another time a golfer was in mid-swing and they cut away to
watch
Tiger tally up his scorecard or whatever they call that at
the end.
By the way, I wouldn't watch golf if you paid me.
If, in the future, I pass golf along on the road of life,
and it was dying of thirst, I wouldn't stop to help it,
I'd leave it for the vultures to do as they wished with golf...
Having said that, I never did find a pro football game,
saw Socal kick the crap out of Penn State for a while,
but then I turned back to that other channel that had the
white golfer
on the screen when I was flipping, and I watched it for a
while.
Did you hear Sargeant Cyst last Friday, talking about "precious oil?"
"Whether you like it or not,
oil is the capital that makes America
move."
Butt, Rush, butt Rush!
If oil is so goddamn precious,
if oil is so goddamn important to America,
if oil is worth young men dying to keep it flowing at cheap,
cheap prices,
then why did President Bush give Saddam the green light to
invade Kuwait?
Remember the April Glaspie memo, Rush?
Saddam's already showed us his copy, the one sent to him by
Ambassador Glaspie
telling Saddam, "We would not interfere with your affairs,"
if he invaded Kuwait.
Why did Butch the Bungler send that memo, Rush?
Why would you "forget" to mention that, Rush?
If oil was important enough to strand 550,000 soldiers in the
desert,
why didn't Butch use his damn head up front, like Clinton
would have?
...and if it's not true, if Saddam was just making that
up,
how did Saddam get a Telex written on State Department letterhead?
...and if it's not true, why, to this day, have we not seen
the "REAL" memo?
President Bush always fought to keep that innocent document
hidden.
Why, Rush, why?
If oil is as important as you say, why did Bush tell that madman
he wouldn't have a problem with us, then risk American lives
to stop him?
Why, Rush, why?
Great Counter Quotes
"Liberals like Bill Clinton and Al Gore.
. . don't trust you and me."
--Jeb Bush, in a GOP fund-raising
letter
"Eat my shorts. . .They're just ultra-conservatives
soaked in big oil money."
--James Carville, in a counterletter
Thanks to Voltai29@geocities.com,
the best source of news on the Internet.
You should subscribe (free) today!
VCR Alert
My good friend Howie Klein is going to be on TV tonight.
Howie is the President of Reprise Records, the label started
by Frank Sinatra.
Howie's going to be on VH-1's "Behind the Music" profile of
Ice-T tonight.
Howie sent this note:
VH-1 is running the "Behind the Music"
piece with Ice-T that they shot a
couple months ago. I have a few things
to say here and there in it-- although
they already told me they cut out my
best lines-- the ones where I called
Charlton Heston an "out-of-work, alcoholic,
2-bit actor looking for
employment with a Far Right extremist
organiztion."
ha ha
Howie's been a longtime bartcop.com reader, since
before the webpage.
I recommend you check it out.
8 PM CST, but I don't know where you live.
Let's Play "What If?"
What if Dan Quayle and Smirk were the only two people you could
vote for?
What if, somehow, it got down to those two choices?
Who would you vote for?
Me?
I'd vote for President Dan Quayle.
I think he & Smirk are about equally stupid and ignorant,
but Quayle has four year's experience under his belt.
All Smirk has is the debt the GOP owed his daddy for throwing
the 1992 election
so the pardons could be given to the criminals, saving Reagan's
crooked ass.
Suddenly, President Quayle doesn't look so bad...
I wonder...
How did "Candy" Crowley get her nickname?
The no-clue GOP is on all the Sunday talk shows whining that
Bill and Al
should've spent more federal money on building roads and cutting
overgrowth
in the super-dense forests out west to lessen the chances
of forest fires.
This is the same bunch that says Clinton-Gore had NOTHING to
do with
the super-booming economy, that the "American worker" deserves
the credit.
Well, why the hell didn't the "American worker" cut the forest
overgrowth?
The Republican plan of attack on everything Clinton, it seems,
is this:
If it's bad, like a forest fire, the blame should be laid
at Bill Clinton's feet.
If it's good, like the economy, Clinton is out-of-the-loop,
of course.
I can't believe I'm saying this,
but I think the voters are smarter than that.
Meet the Whore
Timmy the Whore: Mr Cheney, 30 days ago
I asked you if you'd release
your medical record concerning blood
pressure and cholesterol levels etc.
you said you'd talk to your doctors
and get back to us.
Will you release those records?
Dick Cheney: No, I will not. I'm in good health and I don't want to.
Timmy the Whore: Well, OK then, that's
good enough for me.
Gee, what happened to Tim the Inquisitor?
Remember when Clinton fought the release of his medical records?
Timmy said that was proof he was hiding something.
Remember how he stuck with that like a pit bull?
Clinton's cock, Clinton's cock, Clinton's cock,
Clinton's cock, Clinton's cock, Clinton's cock,
Clinton's cock, Clinton's cock, Clinton's cock,
Clinton's cock, Clinton's cock, Clinton's cock,
Clinton's cock, Clinton's cock, Clinton's cock,
Clinton's cock, Clinton's cock, Clinton's cock,
Clinton's cock, Clinton's cock, Clinton's cock,
Clinton's cock, Clinton's cock, Clinton's cock,
The truth is, Timmy and the GOP were hoping like hell they
could maybe find
some evidence that Clinton had been treated for the clap or
something,
THEN,
if they got lucky with that crusade, they could demand Hillary's
medical records
to see if she's ever had a similar disease so they could go
back to Clinton
and ask where his cock had been when Hillary wasn't involved.
Sure - when it's something as important as Clinton's cock, Timmy fights hard.
But were talking about the condition of the only member of
Team
Smirk
that has a brain or any experience with the federal government,
then Timmy backs down like ewe'd expect him to,
Koresh forbid President Smirk loses his fight with Jim Beam,
and we'd suddenly need a healthy Dick to step in and save
America,
wouldn't it be nice to know before the election if
he was up to the job?
To Tim the Whore, Clinton's cock is more important than national
fucking security,
so he let Cheney off without so much as a whimper.
Tim - you're a whore, now get outta here.
Will George Sweep Laura
Into His Arms?
By Maureen
Dowd
WASHINGTON -- W. won't come out of his
room.
He's curled up down in Austin around
his favorite feather pillow.
When the going gets tough, the Napster hits the sack.
Soft Money is hovering outside, eager
to give its boy some remedial
math coaching on the difference between
billions and trillions.
Big Oil has some talking points on the
upside of having two Houston
Oilers running the country.
The Council on Foreign Relations is ready
with some grammatical
pointers on how to make subjects and
verbs agree.
The Polluters, the Pharmaceutical Companies,
Big Tobacco and the
Christian Right are in a huddle, looking
very, very nervous.
Jeb, suppressing a slight smile, is lurking in the wings.
The Napster tries to shut out the babble
of anxious voices by
burrowing his head under the pillow.
"One phony kiss and I'm down five points,"
he mutters to himself.
"In four seconds, Al Gore kisses his
gender gap goodbye?
We're neck and neck because I wouldn't
neck?
(Maureen - that was a particulary stupid sentence.
Did you really win a Pulitzer Prize for writing?)
"This is not what I hitched up for. They
promised me it would be a cinch.
Karl Rove planned a rerun of 1896,
when McKinley won without
leaving his front porch in Ohio.
"They said everybody would come to me,
that I could coast like a cork
in a stream, carried to D.C. by the
tide of Clinton scandals. The country
seemed fed up with power-hungry connivers
like Bill and Hillary and Al.
"Karl said America wanted another Reagan
-- easygoing and sunny, not
stuffed with facts and figures. Then
Detail Man mauls his wife and
suddenly I'm being called lazy and
tongue-tied again.
"Now Karl is fretting over the debates.
He thinks I'm going to talk more about
the vile hemisphere and America being
held hostile by rogue nations. I'm not
ashamed of those little slips. The hemisphere
is vile sometimes!
"Gore is so cocky because his bounce
is bigger than mine. Republicans
are wondering if I have the fire to
win or if I just want to get back into
the White House to play horseshoes and
have Sunday hamburger lunches.
They told me to stop saying that I won't
mind if I don't win.
Karl said it used to make me sound like
I wasn't overly ambitious,
which was a good thing; now it makes
me sound like I'm not overly
ambitious, which is a bad thing. Go
figure.
"I'm the underdog for the first time,
but I had to clear my schedule
this weekend. I needed a rest, man,
after a heavy foreign policy powwow
Friday with Vicente Fox, trading cowboy
boots for a sombrero.
"I've been pulling this campaign like
a sled dog. One, sometimes two
appearances a day. Those endless 10-minute
stump speeches. And
occasionally the speechwriters stick
in a new paragraph and expect me to
wrap my tongue around it right away.
It's brutal.
"Just because I got tangled up in trillions
talking about my tax plan, people think I
don't understand subtraction. I understand
subtraction. The less we subtract from
the rich, the happier they are. The
happier they are, the more money they give me.
The more money they give me, the more
likely it is I can win.
"I thought it was a good idea to keep
my girls offstage, until Karenna made such a
hit talking about her dumb igloo and
how her dad slathered butter on her toast.
Barbara and Jenna could have praised
my nachos Queso City."
The Napster hears the door open.
Poppy comes in and sits on the bed for
a pep talk.
"Know what you're going through, son,"
Poppy says. "Bush men have a hard time putting
on the lovey-dovey. Went through the
same deal in '88. Michael and Kitty Dukakis spent
the whole Democratic convention hugging.
Come on, that stuff about them dancing with no
music in the holding room, looking like
they were madly in love? Didn't seem real.
"But then for our convention, I got all this
advice to reach out, hold Bar's hand,
and we laughed about it and thought
how ridiculous it's gotten in this country.
"We practiced the loving look, and the
creeping hand. Message: I kiss.
Had to stand closer to the Silver Fox,
act more -- well, er, romantic --
on camera. Even gave Bar a pat on her
caboose, right on CBS. Called her
'Sweetsie.' Started signing my little
notes to her, 'Sweetie-pie coo-coo.' "
Under the pillow, the Napster sniffles.
"Don't cry for me, Argentina," Poppy
says, a bit sternly.
"Getting to the White House takes hard
work and sacrifice.
Things you just don't want to do.
A lot of marital hijinks, stuff that
gives you the willies.
"Bite the bullet, son. If you want to be president, pucker up."
Great True Quotes
The Republicans want a gold-plated military
- that goes nowhere!
-- Margaret Carlson, Capital Gang 8/26
Have truer words ever been spoken?
Whenever Clinton sent troops somewhere, the GOP said, "That
country is not
worth a single drop of American blood and we have no business
there."
(Funny, they didn't mind when President Bush sent soldiers
to die in Somalia.
That was the "Meals on Wheels" Rush always whines about.
It wasn't Clinton that started that shit - it was Bush)
If you look at the world thru GOP eyes, no country is
worth a drop of blood,
so why are we paying for this military to be in tip-top shape?
Margeret Carlson is correct.
The GOP doesn't want to use the military under a Democratic
president,
but they want those billion-dollar contracts running as scheduled.
Still in that Mexican Jail
And now, ...a word from our sponsor.
Hi, I'm Tiger Woo
I'm a great golfer.
Actually, I'm the greatest golfer who ever lived.
Don't you wish you were Tiger Woo ?
Well, you can't be!
...but you can play golf like Tiger Woo
All you need to do is get out your wallet.
That's right, get out your wallet, and get your ass to a store
somewhere
that sells the monsterously-overpriced and official Tiger
Woo Golf balls.
They're called
and that's no accident.
Ask for them by name.
That's right, all that money you desperately-poor kids have
saved up -
that paper route money, that leaf-raking money, that snow-shoveling
money,
that birthday money you got from Aunt Pickles and Uncle Smirk,
take that money to your nearest whites-only golf course and
walk right up
to the man behind the counter in the pro shop and say, real
loud,
"I wants me some"
Those whites are really friendly, at least they've been friendly to me.
Do what you need to do, but get those damn.
Steal money out of your mom's purse, steal a bike, whatever
it takes,
but run some cash to a fancy white golf course but get these
Oh, by the way, that monsterously-overpriced golf ball you
can't live without?
It's pretty much sorta like the one I actually use,
myself.
It's got a softer shell and a softer core, but Nike spokesman
Mike Kelly said
Nike's research indicates no more than 5 to 8 percent of the
market actually
want the actual product they think they're paying for,
So ...that clearly makes what we're doing legitimate. right?
Besides, without this Nike money, my accountants say I'd only
made $86,000,000
this year and hey, with the Democrats about to get both houses
back,
I'd be crazy not to make every fucking time there is to be
made,
even if I have to hose you suckers in the ghetto.
With that Nike money, I'll break $100,000,000 this year, so
fuck you!
How much did you make last year, whitey?
Sorry, I'm off-message, and my media people and my handlers say that's bad.
Where were we?
Oh, yes, the fraudule....I....the....the inexact golf
ball you thought you bought
was more of an homage to me, the greatest golfer who
ever lived,
than an actual "official" golf ball like the package clearly
states.
So, no harm, no foul, right?
Your snotty kids got to hit an offficial Tiger Woo
golf ball around,
and if you've got some problem with some of the weasel words
I use in my excuse,
that just proves you can't stand to see a black man make it.
Recently, we read some e-mail praising modernhumorist.com
I was unfamiliar with them, but after reading some of his/their
stuff,
(notice how I assume it can't be a woman? sexism
is such an ugly thing)
this is the kind of humor I wish I could do.
When I write jokes, I'm standing on the ground.
Reading this, or Betty Bowers and the Landover gang, and others
these people are flying around writing jokes, and I'm jealous.
It reminded me that I spend so much time in the treehouse I
don't get
to surf the Internet much anymore because there's never enough
time
to do the treehouse, download the porn and surf for
funny web pages.
Which makes me think there's a lot I'm missing - we need a
list.
Here's the best version of the funny-as-hell page from modernhumorist.com
Click Here
for the lesser, forever version.
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