Will the Olympics-on-tape be any good?
(See below for update)
You can watch the tape of the Opening Ceremony tonight.
(tick tock)
Almost two hours into the Olympics.
I enjoyed much of what I've seen so far - until Bob Costas started
yapping.
Who told Bob, "More is better?"
For some reason, Katy Couric isn't grating on me, but then they
go to Jim Grey,
the guy who screwed up the World Series for NBC with his smart-ass
reporting.
Maybe Katy sounds better because she's not Costas or Grey.
How 'bout that little Nicky girl screaming around in the sky?
She said her parents didn't know she'd be doing those stunts
until
they saw it live, tonight.
I mean live yesterday, which we... fuck it.
Now they're doing the walk ins, which takes longer than the Litany of Saints during Lent.
Coming up, the United States.
The guy carrying our flag has a killer story - have you heard?
Back with more...
Final Friday Update
BartCop Impressed
(Homage to Mel Brooks)
OK, by now you know the America flag-bearer has been dead twice,
and doctors almost amputated his legs, but now he's Kayak
Boy!
Then the walk in parade.
KOREA, coming in as one nation.
Who else, but Bill Clinton the Miracle Worker, could've pulled
that off?
What?
You think Clinton deserves no credit?
Horseshit!
When he made his deal with North Korea to help them build reactors
if they'd
dismantle their nuclear arms program, it sent a signal to them
that
it was time.
Clinton took a lot of shit for that, too.
The republicans called him a deal-making, sell-out, compromising
sissy for
making that peace overature, and look at the dividends we're
reaping from it.
Just like Russia, North Korea was crumbling, but instead of spending
TRILLIONS
to fuel an arms race to make them crumble 10 % faster, Clinton
threw them an energy
olive branch and now the KOREAS are walking in the Olympics as
one nation.
Bill, this shot of Chinaco is for you.
(Exhale...)
Women
Remember Lennon's song, "Woman is the Nigger of the World?"
I thought about John when motormouth Costas said only women
would
be running the torch once it got inside the massive 120,000 seat
stadium.
Yes!
Can we let the women have one small moment just this goddamn once?
Men have ruled everything since the Big fucking Bang and, for
once,
men stood back and watched the women have their own moment,
and you know that'll piss off the vulgar Pigboy Monday because
white, rich,
powerful men are soooooooo threatened by poor, black women with
kids.
Yes!
One for the women!
I can't tell you how often
I've gotten laid with rhetoric like that.
That's the trick. Say and
do the right thing and tell the truth
and you get laid like Bon
Jovi in his prime.
Ignorance
What do I know about Australia?
Less than you, I can tell you that.
Let's see, ...we have Olivia Newton John, who I major chrushed
on in 1978.
She was Madonna, but better looking.
She was Britney Spears, but with talent,
(We won't do the Jon Benet riff tonight)
She ruled the pop charts with nasty songs, songs like, "Physical"
and "Make a Move on Me."
Lordy, Lordy!
You younger kids won't remember, but Olivia was singing lyrics
like,
"Won't you spare me all your charms and take me in your
arms,
I can't wait! I can't wait!"
Teenage boys will kill for a good looking girl who'd say
that.
I'm telling you, Olivia was hot.
And then there was,
"I'm trying to keep my hands on the table." (as opposed
to...?)
and "Let's get into animal," from her monster hit, "Physical."
Good God, Lord!
"Let's get into ...animal?"
Why,
that's pretty disgusting, if you think about it.
I mean, there's no way in Hell I'd ever... ever...
Whoa!!!
I take it all back.
Arf! Arf!
ha ha
Olivia!
I heard the Sydney cops arrested you twice for public decency.
"Let's get into animal?"
Why, I imagine lyrics like that could drive a young man crazy.
Olivia, you're the best.
Back on Track
I'm going to try an experiment.
I'm going to show you some pictures of what happened tonight.
Regulars know one of the best moments in sports ever was the night
Cal Ripkin broke Lou Gehrig's record, and when it happened, Chris
Berman
had the brains and the courage to shut up and let the moment
speak for itself,
so I'm going to try to be like Chris and do this without words.
Get a drink, use the restroom, whatever, this'll be good.
Ready?
Whoa!
(Aren't you proud of me for keeping quiet?)
I don't know if you've ever seen Pink Floyd play "Comfortably
Numb,"
but I'm pretty sure the Olympic planners in Australia have.
That was something.
If that sequence had just had some great guitar in it, it would've ruled.
But, ...but, ...but, ..you might be asking.
Who was the girl who had the honor of commanding the biggest public
moment
Australia has had in their (they claim) 65,000 years of existence?
Her name is Cathy Freeman.
They say she's going to win the gold in something, I forget.
But Cathy is an aborigine.
That makes her <less than> the white people in Australia.
We're back to John Lennon, again.
The aborigine is the nigger of Australia.
Why do powerful white men always need a nigger?
The powerful white men can't make it on their own?
Oh, whitey's gonna have his nigger, all right.
His nigger might be a woman.
His nigger might be a black man.
His nigger might be an aborigine,
but whitey's gonna have his nigger.
Whitey will always have his nigger.
It's human nature to want to subjugate others.
It's the beast the liberals recognize and keep in the cage.
But always, always remember what Joe Strummer said:
"You must not act the way you were brought up."
Pillar Number One of BartCopism is Racial and Gender
Equality.
- no exceptions
Pillar Number Two of BartCopism is Freedom of Religion.
- no execptions
Pillar Number Three is Laziness.
- lots of exceptions
Why climb a tree and cause a fight with a stranger when you could
stay on the
ground and sip on a shot of fine luxury tequila like Chinaco
Anejo, instead?
Seems like the religio-wacko GOP is always wanting to mobilize
the troops to
march against the gays or some minority because they want to
live like you and me
and we can't have that so we're all meeting at the square
at seven - or seven thirty,
to confront them on the street about their certain eternity in
a fiery Hell of flames..
Or,
we could pour a couple of shots and enjoy life.
...ain't nothin' to it, folks.
ha ha
In closing...
(applause)
I'd like to offer a toast to the people of Australia,
and specifically the Olympic Organising Committee for offering
the symbolism of fairness to women and the aborigines.
At first glance, it seems Australia must be run by liberals.
Or at least educated people, which is liberalist-leaning.
Tonight I became a fan of Australia and Olympics 2000.
Maybe the GOP will get the hint and flame-off the Nazi hate.
You think?
Smirk the Hitcher Throws
a Hissy
An article you're sure to enjoy
http://www.onlinejournal.com/Commentary/Smith091300/smith091300.html
From: (withheld)
Gore doesn't NEED to cheat to whip Smirk in a debate. And
there was
never any security breach at Smirk's HQ. Smirk values loyalty
above all
else in his staff. These debate materials were a deliberate
plant by
Smirk, intended either to mislead or embarrass Gore, and in the
process
give Smirk an excuse for his forthcoming debate disaster.
By turning down this Trojan Horse of a gift, Gore makes Smirk
look even
more like the amateurish schemer he is. Gore should bring
Howard Stern's gag
to the debates, and dangle a bottle of Jack Daniels from a fishing
pole
in front of Smirk when the questions get tough.
ha ha
Christian-Hate Group to Fund Hillary Attacks
The Christian Action Network, a Religious Right group based in
Forest, Va., today
announced plans to place ads in the New York media suggesting
that First Lady
and New York Senate candidate Hillary Clinton is a lesbian.
Americans United for Separation of Church and State today said
the action is a
typically sleazy move by the group and its president, Martin
Mawyer, a former
employee of the Rev. Jerry Falwell's now-defunct Moral Majority.
"With this un-Christian and frankly sleazy stunt, Mawyer has managed
to match
his old boss Jerry Falwell," said AU's Lynn. "That's no easy
accomplishment."
Tiger Woo
I see where Mr. Perfect is ready
to sign a deal with Nike and their
Malaysian child workforce to give him another
$100,00,000.
Nike fails to understand there may not be
a game of golf in 3 years.
Who wants to spend an afternoon watching
a foregone conclusion?
Can Nike afford to absorb a $100,000,000
loss?
Of course, if their labor force only makes
26 cents a day, and material for
each pair of shoes is about three dollars,
and they sell those shoes for $160
I guess they can afford to pay Mr.
Perfect $100,000,000.
Nevermind.
Clinton/Lick Debate Follow-Up
A Must-See letter from AMPOL
Click Here to see the superior, original AMPOL Version
Click Here to see the forever version
Smirk's Debate Prep Found
From: Mshotz@aol.com
On your little blurb about the break-in
at the DNC in NYC.
I hope that Drudge and Limbaugh are into
it up to their necks!
I can just see those two in prison! Rush
would make a great Prison Bitch!
Drudge will probably be a stool pigeon
and end up with his throat slashed!
Mark
ha ha
There's a new movie starting today, Almost Famous.
It's about the luckiest kid in the world, who, at the tender age
of 15,
went on tour with Led Zeppelin in 1973 and lived to tell the
tale.
What would it be like to witness unlimited money?
What would it be like to witness unlimited sex with dozens of
pretty,
and more importantly, different young girls in
each city?
What would it be like to witness unlimited liquor and drugs?
What would it be like to witness unlimited worldwide fame?
What would it be like to watch the hottest band in the world
night after night and try to stay sane at the age of 15?
We'll see it this weekend.
Report Monday
Smirk the Hitcher Strikes Again
Great, Great Pigboy Quotes
"You can call my show today, but I must remind
you,
this is NOT the Suicide Hotline,
so don't call here with
stories of doom & gloom about how
badly we're going to lose."
ha ha
Things are so bad for His Pigness, he has to tell the suicidal
folks
not to mess up his fake message of "We still might win."
ha ha
That makes my whole weekend.
From: Chad77@aol.com
Hey, BartCop,
I like your humour page, but enough about Jimmy Page ok?
He's not as great as you think he is.
He can't even compare to the greats such
as Ted Nugent.
At least Ted Nu
Goodbye, Chad.
I don't mind diverse opinions, but let's all get real.
Cheney a Tad Off on Details
in Ohio
A Weak Dick is Never Good News
MARIETTA, Ohio (AP) - The gym was stuffy, the day long and the
GOP VP
candidate prone to a few mistakes.
When Dick Cheney spoke at Marietta high school Thursday, he pitched
``Reagan''
proposals at one point when he meant those of Smirk. He also
stumbled over the
election date, asking for votes on Dec. 7, a day that will live
in infamy.
"I'm going home to Wyoming Saturday to rest,'' Cheney, 59, told reporters
later.
"But, no, I'm not especially tired,'' said Cheney, as he held onto
the bulkhead and
wheezed with a red face while trying to steady himself.
He noted he's been campaigning nearly every day since July.
After taking off his jacket and repeatedly wiping sweat from his
brow, Cheney noted
the gym was hot. Several audience members apologized to him for
the heat, and when
he joked he'd get them air conditioning if elected, the crowd
cheered.
Subject: Supporters staying at the White House?
From: LordStarFyre@aol.com
To: drudge@drudgereport.com
Excuse me Mr. Drudge;
But you have made an incredible deal over the
idea that Clinton Supporters
have been allowed to spend the night at the White
House.
Are you trying to claim that it is illegal for
the Clintons to invite ANYONE
they choose to stay the night at the White House?
Or are you just upset that
Supporters of the Clintons have stayed the night?
Maybe you would be so kind as to explain why it's
different for the Clintons
than it was for the Bushs' who had Limbaugh stay
the night?
I mean in an egg-shell Mr. Drudge, your ranting
and raving over guests in the
White House seems to be missing the the real
yoke of the story, which is the
F A C T that it isn't Illegal for the President
to invite Anyone he chooses
to stay the night, regardless of whether they
are on the RNC/Drudge/Melon
Scaife/Klayman approved list of Guests, or Not...
With Much Love...
Lord StarFyre
From: astod@frontiernet.net
Subject: Stolen Debate Tapes
Dear Bartcop,
I have a theory on those tapes that "mysterously"
showed up at Al Gore's
campaign office. I think Bush's people
sent them so that when Gore
trounces Bush during the first debate,
Bush's people will say it was
because those stolen tapes were watched
by Gore's people after all.
Bush is covering his ass either way, just in case.
Ann Stoddard
Ann,
I think it's more than that.
They could've been watching from accross the street.
When the Gore people accepted the package, had they held onto
it,
Smirk's people could've tipped the FBI that there was "stolen
material"
in the Gore camp and try to have them arrested.
BTW, remember, (maybe you're too young) in 1980, Ronald McDonald
received Jimmy Carter's stolen debate prep from George Will,
(R-Bastard)
George Will should've gone to prison for that, but there was no
crime because
it didn't involve Clinton's cock.
From: clarks10@email.msn.com
Subject: Just a matter of speaking
Has anyone ever told you that gross language
comes from an attempt of a feeble mind
trying to express itself? Credible,
intelligent people don't need to wallow in the gutter
to get their point across to other credible,
intelligent people.
Rarely does Rush use profanity and in the
main he makes a lot of common
sense which is very uncommon these days.(Don't
delete me now, read on.)
You also make him out to be a man whose
sympathies do not lie with the
poor, the needy, the homeless, the activist
groups such as the lesbians,
homosexuals and others who are demanding
that their needs be met.
Personally, I have no sympathy for them
in that way either, not because I
wouldn't want to do something for them,
but bacause my choice is taken away.
Now I have to instead of I want
to.
Please note the profound message in this song written anonymously ca. 1805.
<yak, yak, yak>
You feel sorry for these people who have
these problems, who find themselves
in these circumstances.
Well, read the following verse.
<yak, yak, yak>
Think about this.
He's given us an example of how to treat
others, but still it is not our
right to force the human mind. We are free
to think, act and do what we want
to do, but the consequences will be the
determining
factor of whether we
will be really happy or not .
<yak, yak, yak>
Rush is right on when he speaks of freedom
and I think his reasoning on
many controversial issues stem from the
fact that he knows and you know and
I know that men, women and children are
born into this world to act for
themselves and not to be acted upon.
A wise man once said,
<yak, yak, yak>
Today I have mentioned some very profound
principles that I have learned
and am still striving to apply from day-to-day.
I trust you believe in the some of
those same principles since you mentioned
the great freedom of speech.
With this in mind,
may you have a great day and may we both
govern ourselves more wisely.
Dianne Clark
11:10 CDT, Laura
the Martyr is going on and on about how ugly
Hollywood is for creating trash that harms the children of America.
"If you're concerned about saving our bunchkins, you'll help me
take action,"
the selectively-outraged lying slut just told her gullible, spoon-fed
sheep.
Will she condemn Smirk for financing a movie like The Hitcher? (see below)
No, she won't, because Smirk has an "R," after his name,
so he can destroy as many children as he wants with his poisonous
filth.
Laura, you have the consistency of warm baby shit, and you should
be
ashamed of yourself for taking millions to point a finger
at others when
YOUR CANDIDATE is more guilty than anybody in this area.
Jesus Christ - Gore is running with an Orthadox Jew, and Laura
won't vote
for the Jew because she loves that money flow more than her religion.
Laura, thy name is whore.
Some Dave & Al Stuff
Damn, I left my notes at home, so I'll wing it.
Last night on 20/20, they did a Gore/Smirk comparison on how these
two
men were so different, despite having politics icons for fathers.
They had dozens of pictures that were funny, maybe I can get some
of those
up tonight. A couple of things that caught my eye:
They said after serving his country with dignity and honor in
Vietnam, Algore
was deeply concerned about philosophy and the meaning of life
and his place
in it, so he enrolled in some religious courses at vanderbilt
to help sort it out.
They showed some almost sad pictures of Gore staring off into
space.
You could tell me was thinking about something deep and introspective.
Then they cut to pictures of Smirk, drunker n shit at some
parties.
They had several pictures of Smirky drunker than Cooter Brown.
Yeah, you can bet your corn dog those pictures will be
up tonight.
They also showed how the two grew up in their father's shadow.
They played some anti-Gore commercials they ran against Algore
Senior in 1970.
The GOP called Algore Senior a coward and traitor because he was
one of the
fist critics if Vietnam, and Nixon flew to tennessee to personally
campaign for
his (unnamed) opponent who was a Limba-type candidate - nothing
but lies..
They were vile and dispicable lies, but Algore Senior refused
to fight back saying,
"If the good people of Tennessee don't know me after 30 years,
then maybe
I don't deserve to win this election."
He lost.
They say that's the reason our Algore fights like a mother grizzly.
(Smirk - you ready for the ass-whippin' of your life?)
There was a funny moment concerning Smirk and his Daddy in Texas.
It was 1972 or so, and Smirk and elder Bush were in some big
hotel in Houston
at some kind of campaign event. Also at the hotel was one of
the first-ever
Star Trek conventions. So here's Bush trying to get thru the
halls of the hotel
with all these green-skinned people with pointed ears and stuff.
Smirk daddy was complaining about "all the weirdos," but then
Smirk told his
Daddy that these Trekkies might be voters, so standing in a crowd
of Trekkies,
he says, "Hi, everybody. My name is George Herbert Walker Bush."
It was one of the funniest things I've ever seen:
As soon as they heard his name, these Trekkies all started chanting,
"Herbert, Herbert,
Herbert,
Herbert,
Herbert,
Herbert,
Herbert.
Herbert, Herbert,
Herbert,
Herbert,
Herbert,
Herbert,
Herbert."
ha ha
Elder looks at Smirk like, "What the hell does Herbert mean
to these weirdos,
and why did I listen to you and your great idea to engage
them?"
ha ha
Smirked looked just as clueless as he does today.
I'll bet Algore and Tommy Lee can tell you what "Herbert" means.
Then, then said something that got me thinkin'.
(Hey, stop laughing. I can think...)
They said Smirk SUDDENLY stopped drinking the night after
his 40th birthday.
They said he SUDDENLY got religion that next day.
Isn't that interesting?
What happened that night?
What causes a man to SUDDENLY give up alcohol and turn
his life over
to a "huigher power" than can show him the better paths to take
in life?
Did the hooker die?
Think about it - his 40th birthday he got drunker n shit.
Something happens -0 we don't know what, but when he sobers up
the next day, and finds pout what he did, he stopped drinking
forever,
(al least that's the official campaign line, so that wedding
video must be a
clever look-alike hired by the Democrats because he's dry now)
and turned himself over to Almighty God.
Trust me - something happened that night.
Did some Very Bad Things happen on Smirk's 40th birthday?
Somebody with the resources needs to look into this.
Smirk did something, or failed to do something that night that
was so horrible,
he stopped drinking forever and asked God to turn his life around.
We need to find out what happened that night.
From: theyeesterbunny@email.msn.com
Subject: Bush's slasher-flick past
September 15, 2000 | George W. Bush has
portrayed himself as the candidate
best able to take on the pop-culture bad
guys, such as moviemakers who market
violent films to children. But the Texas
governor's past could put a hitch in that plan,
according to the New York Post.
From 1986 to 1993, Bush earned $100,000
sitting on the board of directors of the
Silver Screen Management Co., which financed
1986 horror flick
During Bush's tenure on the board, Silver
Screen also helped bankroll kinder, gentler
fare such as "Dead Poets Society" and "Pretty
Woman." Bush communications chief
Karen Hughes says that Bush's connection
to "The Hitcher" is nothing compared
with the close ties between Al Gore and
Hollywood bigwigs.
Are you kidding me?
Are you kidding me?
"The Hitcher?"
"The Hitcher" is one of the sickest mainstream movies ever produced
in Hollywood,
and I'm not exaggerating one bit when I say that.
I saw that movie, years & years ago and I promise I'll never
see it again.
Now, I'm doing this from memory, so if I don't have it exactly
right then blow me,
but in the movie "The Hitcher," the bad guys tie a young girl's
hands to the bumper
of one Mack truck, and they tie her feet to the bumper of another
Mack truck -
then the trucks back apart, tearing the young girl in half.
This is Smirk's idea of
family entertainment?
Tearing a young girl in two is entertainment for Smirk?
Good God, if that's what Smirk likes in entertainment,
...what happened on his 40th birthday to make him stop drinking?
Smirk, Snuff Films, Big Oil and Big Tobacco.
Does America really want to go there?
More Dave and Al Talk
Gore Pushes Celebrity Politicking
by SANDRA
SOBIERAJ
NEW YORK (AP) -- Al Gore pushed celebrity politicking to dizzying
heights
Thursday as he traded laughs with TV's David Letterman over Smirk's
recent goofs,
and raised money with Bette Midler, Paul Simon and company.
Gore, who strode onto Letterman's unpredictable soundstage to
the tune of Prince's
''Kiss,'' booed the talk show host's suggestion that he had an
anti-Clinton motive in mind
when he laid a passionate kiss on wife Tipper at the Democratic
National Convention.
''I'm not going to be chasing interns. That's really what it said,'' Letterman said.
Replied the vice president: ''C'mon, c'mon. Boo. Give me a break.''
In a video snippet and ''Top Ten'' list produced just for the
occasion, Gore poked fun
at Smirk for recently uttering a vulgarity about a reporter into
a microphone that he didn't
know was live.
Gore offered, among his list of rejected campaign slogans, ''We
know when the
microphone is on.'' Another, referring to running mate JoeL,
an Orthodox Jew, was:
''With Lieberman on the ticket, you get all kinds of fun new
days off. Vote for us,
we're going to work 24/6.''
Today's Page Two Girl is Louise Nurding
No more calls, please. We have two winners.
From: Art Richardson dude7891@yahoo.com
From: Kerrry Wentworth skunkwks@mediaone.net
Subject: Gore's Top 10 Rejected Campaign Slogans
10. Vote for me or I'll come to your home and explain
my 191-page economic plan to you
in excruciating detail.
9. Remember America, I gave you the Internet and I can take it
away.
Think about it.
8. Your vote automatically enters you in a drawing for the $123 billion surplus.
7. With Lieberman on the ticket, you get all kinds of
fun new days off. Vote for us, we're
going to work 24/6.
6. We know when the microphone is on.
5. Vote for me and I will take whatever steps are
necessary to outlaw the term, "Whazzzup."
4. Gore-Lieberman: You don't have to worry about pork-barrel politics.
3. You'll thank us in four years when the escalator to the moon is finished.
2. If I can handle Letterman, I can handle Saddam Hussein.
1. I'll be twice as cool as that president guy in the "West Wing."
White-Power Freak Caught
Shoplifting
Think
I'm Making This Up?
September 14, 2000
Five-Finger Discount?
Shoppers at a Circuit City Express store in Virginia were stunned
Saturday to see
none other than Senate Majority Leader Trent Lott (R-White-Only)
-- decked out
in denim -- setting off alarm bells at the exit door.
Quite a scene unfolded at the Pentagon City electronics store
as Senate's top racist
was stopped dead in his tracks by all the buzzers going off around
him.
"As the alarm went off, he had a perplexed look I haven't seen
on a Republican's face
since Smirk Daddy last caught a glimpse of a grocery scanner,"
said one witness.
Then Lott, whose office didn't have any comment on the matter,
shrugged and headed out of the store.
Since the Majority Leader is such a tough-on-crime-Republican,
we assume
it was all just a mix-up and he wasn't fleeing the scene like
it seemed.
But Lott's office had no comment when asked by reporters why the
Senator
had recently acquired the nickname, "Swipe."
Thanks to Tamara Baker.
This Just In..
It has been recorded and confirmed here at bartcop.com
that Dr. Laura's official,
on-tape, on-the-record position on abortion is that abortion
should be TOTALLY ILLEGAL
...unless
...unless
...unless the health of the mother is at risk.
(Was she responding to a recent report in bartcop.com?)
This presents a problem for the GOP.
Again, we have confirmed that Laura now claims she accepts
abortion
if the health of the mother is at risk, which makes her a leftist,
baby-killer
in the eyes of "true Republicans," like Rush & Steve Largent.
Dr. Laura - a part-time baby killer?
That sets her apart from much of the GOP.
I wonder why Rush doesn't call her on it?
As always, they haven't got a clue how to defend their mockery-of-freedom
position
that the government should control individual uteruses in everyday
America.
Jesus Christ - Cuban women have more freedom.
"Al W. Gore" on Letterman
Wow, that was scary, wasn't it?
It was like the interview was in ten rounds.
Gore won the first two, then faltered when Dave accused Wen Ho
Lee,
but then rounds 4,5 and 6 were good rounds for him, then another
stumble
in the eighth, but then a big comeback with his own lil' Top
Ten List.
Course, he's not as smooth as Bill.
We can't hold that against him, because nobody is as smooth
as Bill.
ha ha
What was the best line of the night?
(Top Ten List forthcoming Koresh willing)
Dave said something about JoeL being Jewish and Gore said,
"We'll work for America 24/6."
That's a damn good joke.
I'll bet it's 2,000 years old, but I've never heard it.
ha ha
Plus, Dave went all HYPER about global warming and the oceans
and stuff,
and the two almost got teary-eyed together over the eco-breakdown
we all face.
Algore must've felt more at home than Bob Barr at a Knight's
rally.
Oh!
I just remembered!
I got a killer audio file.
To hear Dave on Smirk Click
Here
...Smirk just took an uppercut that sent him further backwards,
From: DDThinkFree@aol.com
Subject: Page Two Girls / words for Dubya
Bart,
I was curious about a couple things:
1. When did you come up with the recent
idea of the Page Two Girls?
(Maybe I missed the
explaination a while back.)
And...
2. Would it be possible to have Page Four, Five, Six, and Seven Girls as well? :)
ha ha
Actually, I hired some media-types to round up some professional
focus groups
and every one of them came back with the same fundamental criticism.
They all said bartcop.com had everything it needed
except sex appeal!
They said my readership was mostly white, younger men with some
money and
above-average intelligence, and they recomended that I get a
"Vanna White" to
"turn letters," or nobody would be interested in anything I had
to say.
So they came up with this Page Two Girl, idea, which doesn't
make sense.
I mean, ...sure, ...you have to click to see them, but ...is
that, "Page Two?"
But, I must say it's paid off!
Do you know, counting reloads, I once had
over 380 hits in one day?
ha ha
Nothing sells like a little sex in America.
I'm old, I should know these things.
One thing they cautioned about, however:
They said I should only feature sexy, fully-clothed women,
because actual nudity,
even tastefully-done, artistic nudity would backfire and cost
me in readership unless
the nude pictures were of hypocritical, scumbaggette holier-than-you
harpy whores
getting rich on a morality radio scam, in which case, ...nudity
would be just fine.
ha ha
Thanks for asking.
That "Page Two" business has really given the treehouse a big
boost.
I might stick with it, after all.
Was there anything else?
Yes. I put together some words that I think
Al Gore
should force Smirk to say during their
debates:
* Abomidable
* Indubidably
* Burglar
* Ambulance
* Recession
* Serendipidous
* Carburator
* February
* Nuclear
* Wednesday
* Favorable
* Freebase
* Connecticut
* Stupendous
ha ha
My favorite was "burglar."
ha ha
Smirk, Smirk, Smirk...
I'm gonna miss him.
Thanks for the great site!!!!!!!
Douglas Daniels
"Vote Stern/Quivers 2000!!"
Thanks for the great e-mail.
It's Over
Excerpt:
Since Labor Day, the media has released 20 polls on the big race.
Three show a dead heat, one shows Smirk
by a point, the rest show Gore leading
by one to 10 points. In the latest polls,
Gore leads by an average of five points.
It's fashionable at this stage to say "anything
can happen," that Smirk is "retooling,"
and that the numbers can turn in Bush's
favor just as easily as they turned against him.
But they can't.
ha ha
The numbers are moving toward Gore because
fundamental dynamics
tilt the election in his favor. The only
question has been how far those
dynamics would carry him. Now that he has
passed Smirk, the race is over.
Guest Commentary by macc@niuhep.physics.niu.edu
It's over, and it's been over for awhile.
Come nov. 7th the hilarity ends, and it
will be merely prosperity,
cleaner air, better environment, peace
on earth, etc., *yawn* ;-)
gotta have fun while we still can!
macc
Great Democratic Quotes
"I don't know what all this fuss is about George Bush calling
some reporter for the New York Times an asshole.
There's not a male reporter in Washington I haven't called an
MF
and there's not a female reporter I haven't called an FC."
-- James Carville, to Chris the Screamer
Toon provided by Shane (aka "Skirtboy")
Smirk
Caves on Debates
"Broke down like a shotgun," aides claim
Gov. Bush just announced from Austin:
"The first rebate will be in Boston on Oct. 3 of this year.
The second rebate will be in Winston-Salem, Carolina, on
Oct. 11
and the final rebate will be held in St. Louis, who is dead,
on Oct. 17.
Each rebate would be chaired by a single modulator."
If anybody wants to send e-mail to NBC and give their opinion
about
Tim the Whore's incredibly vulgar behavior last night at the
debate,
the e-mail address is mtp@nbc.com
(I wonder why it's not mtw@nbc.com?)
If you'd like to speak with Tim directly, call his office in Washington (202) 885-4548.
Thanks to JennyQ1@aol.com
From: jeffkoenig@yahoo.com
Subject: Do I detect a Smirk E-Train derailment?
BC -
I went to Smirk's little E-Train site, and after I signed himself
up to all three versions
of his little newsletter (I hope he has lots of large graphics
in his HTML version),
I went back to have the same delivered to abuse@georgewbush.com
His web page then took a big, Limba-sized dump.
Instead of seeing the sign-up page, I got the following:
Microsoft VBScript runtime error '800a01f4'
Variable is undefined: 'EmailAdd'
/BN.asp, line 952
It looks like not only can he not spell or pronounce words correctly,
but even Visual Basic seems to be a little over his head.
Funny, I've never seen an error like this on even the most amateur of web pages...
Later,
Jeff
How guilty is Drudge?
From: Myst.Beal@PSS.Boeing.com
Subject: Debate Update
KIRO news just announced that viewers gave
Hillary a 46% - 39% win over pimple-face.
By the way, the new nickname for Dyslexic
Dubya is "Dubyable" (for "Subliminable")
Beal, Myst L
From: leocarr@mediaone.net
Subject: KRMG BULLETIN BOARD LINK
My dearest BC,
I am sure, as you have told us, are a ruthless
litigator, but you obviously failed
to learn how to fight DIRTY.
No doubt as the result of a lily-white
upbringing in the SUBURBS.
ha ha
YOU SHOULD HAVE NOT ONLY POSTED THE EMAIL
FROM THE DIRTBAG
AT KRMG, YOU SHOULD HAVE PROVIDED YOUR
LOYAL MINIONS WITH
THE LINK TO DR SLUTS PICTURES SO THAT WE
COULD ALSO GO TO
SAID BULLETIN BOARD AND POST LINK.
SHEESHE!
Yours in Christ,
Leo
If anyone is interested in seeing the evidence that Laura Schlessinger
is
a scumbag pornographer, you can see her vulgar pictures right
here.
They will be online as long as Marc Perkel and I are.
http://www.bartcop.com/picidx.htm
From: david4602@gateway.net
Subject: You are the liberal Limbaugh
Bartcop,
I read your site everyday and, much like
you, obviously listen to Rush everyday.
I am a fiscal conservative and a social
liberal.
I have a dirty fucking mouth and I love
porn and I love violent movies.
I want to ask you why you hate George W.
(smirk) so much.
I can understand why you hate Rush, he
is very extreme, but George is not.
Let me answer this way: If Bush had been
sincere about "compassionate conservativism,"
and wanting to change the tone of politics,
he could've had a chance to win.
But he comes off as a semi-slick, mean-spirited
asshole.
If he was what he claimed, Gore would've
had a tough race on his hands.
My main point, to make this short, is that
you and I disagree. I am not going to
come up with a name for Al Gore like you
have for (Smirk), I am also not going
to come up with a name for you like you
have for (The Vulgar Pigboy).
All I want is for you to answer a couple
of questions honestly, being that neither of
us are politicians and I respect your disagreement
with far less animosity than you show.
1) To advance the liberal agenda that
you support, what percentage of your own income
are you willing
to give to Gore to get what you want done? Please, be honest.
What percentage? 23.16 percent.
That being said, you ask an odd
question.
How much am I willing to pay for
electricity?
How much am I willing to pay for
a pizza?
How much am I willing to pay for
fine tequila?
I think you had the germ of a
good question there, but I'm not sure what it is.
2) What will it take, as far as programs
go, to make you personally happy enough
with the
state of the country that you feel no need to be active in conservative
bashing
any longer?
I am almost
100 percent defense, that's why I want Smirk to win.
I'm tired
of defense, I want to go on offense for a while.
It's Rush
who has 1,000 complaints while we're having peace and prosperity.
That is all I want to ask you. As
a conservative I am happy to say that, although I
disagree with you on absolutely everything,
I enjoy your site and I hope you keep
making your voice heard. All the
disagreement is good for the country.
Although I am happy to keep this non partisan,
I challenge you to have bigger balls
than Pigboy, as you call him, and put this
on your site with your response.
Keep it up, Bartcop.
david4602
David,
I can't say my balls are bigger than Rush's, but I have
more
than he has.
I have two.
From: LadyLiberal@webtv.net
Subject: Hillary Debate
BC, I saw it on satellite.
All I`ll say is: lazio is an arrogant little twerp,
and tim the whore is a MAJOR LEAGUE WEASEL!!!
BTW..
Welcome back.
That was a LONG trip.
I think your pay should be docked. LOL
Clinton Courtier
The Concord Disaster evidence is in...
From: kimblet@admin.craven.cc.nc.us
Subject: Your new car!
The new Bartcop ride during the boring 8 year reign of Al Gore:
Tim
Hey!
That's not funny!
If Smirk was able to pull off an upset win, I might be able to
build bartcop.com
into a hueueueueuege success. But with boring Al Gore driving
the bus for eight years,
I'm afraid there will be very few laughs.
I mean, what's funny about peace and prosperity?
Triple Shot of Cunningham
ha ha
Cunningham Strikes again!
From: young@erim-int.com
Subject: KRMG radio in K-Drag
BartCop,
All this time I thought you were being a
little hyperbolic with cro-mag
radio. But they really *are* kromag. Is
that how they pronounce it in
their jingles and when they answer the
'phones?
"You dragged you knuckles good--you on Kromag radio. Go ahead, caller."
Peter
From: efestag@mail.alac.org
Subject: Rush's theme song
Since Rush is the king of denial,
he should change his theme song to "Walk
Like an Egyptian."
Eckhard
ha ha
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