Great HBO Quotes
"If Bush had a black friend,
he'd be on his shoulder like
a mother-fucking parrot."
-- Chris Rock, ...currently the King, 9/2900
Have you seen the new ad from the Smirk campaign?
First they run this picture...
...then they say "Smirk is lookin' for victory."
That shit creeped me out.
Today's Page Two Girl's husband can't act.
No, Sir,
I'm not Troy Aikman,
and that's not a "spirit capturin' machine."
Murder in Christ's Name
Is Oklahoma Rep Tom Coburn (R-Jesus Twin) guilty of conspiracy
to commit murder?
I think he is.
He promised legislation calling for severe limits on which doctors
could administer the abortion pill.
Coburn wants every doctor who prescribes the pill to be a "certfied
abortionist."
The reason?
So when Coburn's "pro-life" allies put a bullet in the doctor's
back, then can say,
"That's not murder. It was self-defense. He was a 'certified'
abortionist."
You see how they are?
They're itching to put a bullet in someone's back, but
they're willing to take the time
to be sure they don't accidentally murder someone who's not certified.
That's compassion
Doctor Laura, your first ratings book has come in...
ha ha
Thanks to Ross at patch@bytehead.com
Speaking of hating gays, BrainSmasher sent this:
From: excallq@yahoo.com
Subject: Tales of Chinaco
Bartcop,
I'd like to pretend I discovered Chinaco
Anejo through exhaustive research
of the super premiums, but I'd be spinning
like Pigboy after election day.
I heard about it from here.
I've been reading RL-LNW forever.
I think I found it sometime in the summer of '96,
but it was back when you were on the ctyme.com
URL.
Before RL-LNW, I was one of the uneducated
masses who thought tequila was the
nastiest thing since the Harpy's foray
into NC-17 photography.
ha ha
(Ok, I'll stop with the Millerizing now.)
I didn't like margaritas,
and who could possibly want a second shot
of Cuervo?
So after reading about Chinaco (sometime
around issue 150 I think) I thought,
"Well, he was right about Grey Goose.
Maybe I should give this stuff a shot"
(no pun intended.)
I put it off a bit, figured I try it out
at New Year's Party, so if it didn't fly,
there'd be plenty of other drinks to fall
back on.
The party gets going, Happy New Millennium,
etc. It's getting closer to midnight,
and I've only had a few drinks, (if I was
forced to testify, I'd guess one was brandy,
one was Jack & Coke, and another was
scotch. I think that might be a good guess...maybe)
so I say 'what the hell?' and break out
the Chinaco.
First thing I'm doing is frowning at the
plastic and saying,
"What the fuck am I suppose to do, tear
this off with my teeth?"
After getting it open, I pour a shot into
a tall thin 2 oz Hard Rock Cafe shotglass.
The first thing I notice is the smell.
Rather than the rotten corn syrup smell of Cuervo,
it smells like desert flowers. I
took a tiny sip and was amazed.
Smooth as the best Cognac,
and when I swallowed I could feel the heat
in my mouth and my throat.
I thought, "Damn" and figured I had to get
the rest down at once, see how that went.
After I drank the shot, I sat there for
about 15 seconds with my eyes closed, stunned.
I yelled "DAMN!" and someone else replied,
"No kidding, that Vodka's fucking great, innit?"
(I'd introduced him to Grey Goose about
a week before)
He was a drink behind, but a bright guy.
He sat down and said, "You been following
politics lately?"
I hadn't, hadn't even been keeping up with
RL-LNW.
He said, "Gore's probably going to be running
about George Bush Jr."
I nodded, and as an afterthought, said,
"Who?"
(At this point I couldn't even remember
my own state's Governor, let alone Texas')
He said, "Bush Jr. Governor of Texas."
I said, "Oh. He's like his dad right,
war veteran,
went to an Ivy league school, bunch of
CIA buddies?"
He said, "Uh, not exactly. During
Vietnam he served in the Texas Air National Guard,"
(well ok, he didn't actually serve so much
as hang around, but this was before that came out)
"he had a 'gentleman's C' average at Yale,
and is covering up a past of cocaine use."
I said, "Damn. He was a success in business though, right?"
He said, "Uh, not exactly. He couldn't
find oil in Texas and he traded Sammy Sosa away.
Under him, polluters write their own environmental
laws, and his state ranks worst
in health care and impoverished children."
I nodded and said, "How's he come off on TV?"
My perceptive friend said, "Think Quayle with a smirk and less brains."
At this point I had a flash of insight.
Clear as day, it cut through every ounce of alcohol
in my bloodstream. I realized
then and there that...Gore couldn't lose.
Twenty seconds before midnight, I yelled
"SHOT OF CHINACO!"
ha ha
I love a good Chinaco story,
and I'm a sucker for a happy ending.
Today in History
On Sept. 29, 1978: John Paul I was found dead in his Vatican apartment
just
one month after he was installed as pope of the Roman Catholic
Church.
For more details, see Godfather III
Pigboy is attacking Gore for a "flip-flop" because, His Oinkness
claims,
Gore once wrote that "abortion is arguably the taking of a
human life."
That's a true statement.
Toi me, that means Gore sees both sides of the issue, like I
do.
It's like saying "Smirk is arguably a decent candidate."
You see?
That's a true statement.
Of course, we all know he's Cotton Candy, but a ditto-monkey might
make the claim that Smirk is a decent candidate, so arguably
he IS!
The shit Pigboy gets away with is really something.
Because he has no balls, because he doesn't have the courage to
debate,
because he refuses to share the mic with those who disagree,
the typical ditto-spank
gets his "news" from Rush and then "thinks" funny about the issues
from then on.
Rush, if you would ever come out from behind your Momma's skirt,
you'd see that there's a real world out here with real people
in it
and your fantasyland would immediately crash and burn.
In a microcosm, we have bartcop.com, which exists
in the real world,
and we have rushonline.com,
which exists only in Rush's fantasy world.
The coward that runs rushonline.com
can't debate any more than Rush can.
so he hides in his own world where Rush in King.
I encourage and enjoy a spirted debate.
I'd shoot myself if I was surrounded by BartCop dittoheads who
mistakenly
took me for some damn "king" of something, and the only way I
could continue
the charade was to hide and pretend, printing only the praise
mail and deleting
all the challenges from people smarter than me.
But Rush and his sheep must delude themselves with make-believe.
Isn't that sad/sick/funny?
The little sheep, grabbing each other's ass with "dittoes," confident
that they are right,
almost confident to the point of taking their beliefs
to the real world, but not quite.
I wonder,
do you think as the months and years go by, that coward, (either
one)
will ever agree to debate someone like me, an ADD liberal with
an IQ of 64?
Koresh, if they can't whip me in a debate, you'd better stay away
from
Joe Conason, Susan McDougal, Barry Lynn, James Carville, Joe
Kennedy etc etc
But in Rush's world,
he and the coward of rushonline.com
are "undefeated."
Dr. Watson and Tamara Baker team up
to discover the truth about
the stolen debate-prep videotape that was mailed to the Gore
Campaign.
Sidebar:
Smirk says the traitor is
not
in his camp.
So, that means he's giving
copies of the videotape to people not in his camp.
Pretty stupid, Smirk.
If you get elected, ha
ha, would you be as careful with our
military secrets?
But now, here's something well-written:
Click Here for AMPOL's excellent version.
Click Here for the version your kids will read in the year 2030.
From: stevew@galleriapublishing.com
Subject: The Exorcist
Hey Bartcop,
I think that you may be a year or two older
than me, so you might can remember better.
If I recall right before the movie The
Exorcist came out, there was talk in the media of
someone being possessed. Have you heard?
They are re-releasing the Exorcist in a
few weeks, all cleaned up and digitally
enhanced.
Think Time has any interest in that movie?
Steve
Steve, if I get the correct drift, it was a lot worse than that.
When the Exorcist originally came out, there were dozens
of mentally-imbalanced
(read religious) people who thought they were possessed.
Several killed themselves.
people were jumping out of windows, trying to thwart The Evil
One.
Dozens went to psychiatrists, hoping for a science-based cure.
It was quite a sensation.
It may have been the only time in my life that I'd done this,
but I went into that movie
totally cold - I didn't read a single review. I knew it was about
an exorcism,
but that was just a hard-to-spell Catholic word until the theater
got dark.
I was in the first showing the first day in Fayettenam, Arkansas.
I'll never forget that.
After the first full-out encounter with Reagan, I mean Regan,
the audience felt
such a goddamn sense of relief they applauded. I'm really
old, and I've only been
in one theater crowd in my life when people applauded because
a scene had ended.
It was like passengers applauding the pilot for landing a plane
after a harrowing flight.
Surely, everyone reading this has seen the movie, but the shock
of seeing Reagan stabbing
her bloody vagina with the crucifix, screaming, "Let Jesus fuck
you," then forcing her mother
to perform oral sex on her was something even non-Catholics would
never forget.
Looking back, they say The Exorcist could never be made
today.
These days, people say "South Park" is outrageous - ha
ha
As far as part two of your question - Does TIME Whore Magazine
have an interest
in the movie? - it's a safe bet they do. TIME is owned
by Time-Warner, which owns everything,
which is owned by AOL which, curiously, is partly owned byOl'
BartCop!
Great Republican Quotes
"Sometimes when people get caught with
their pants down,
they get caught with their pants down."
Laura the Spread-legged, final sentence, final hour, Sept 29 broadcast
Really, Laura?
I'm not sure I believe that.
Can you provide any examples?
You think the Catholics are tough on discipline?
They're creampuffs compared to what Smirk has been thru.
Harder than Damascus Steel - Smirk is no sissyboy.
Is the Smirk Campaign Paying
Bill Bradley?
Or is Bradley giving it away?
From: Hades976@aol.com
Yo Bartcop,
You asked for more? You got it. Listen to
this fat, bloated, brainless, dickless
(hey, 3 wives no kids? it isn't the woman's
fault!) cocksucker act fucking GLEEFUL
while "Born Free" plays, along with animal
shreiking and the assorted war type sounds.
I suppose macrocephallic cocksucker cant
attack anyone that would fight back.
(Well, then again, he wouldnt fight back much
if someone pushing him into the lion pit)
Enjoy!
PS- Im working on getting the Feminazi update,
it'll likely take a couple days.
I have some of it, but it isnt complete
yet.
Click Here (1 meg download)
All the really sick bastards - Smirk, Pigboy, Dahmer, love
killing animals.
Yet, the super-Christians like Papax7
worship them.
Amazing.
As my Vegas fever builds, I anticipate trying this XQ Anejo.
Has anyone tried this?
$75 a bottle.
If you plan on buying the LA She-Thing's new book - I forget the
name
- you want to skip this part because I'm going to give away her
big secret.
I just heard her promo for the first time.
She says her new book explains how the American family is "in
duress,"
and in her book she promises to reveal who is leading the assault.
Horseshit!
The whore is trying to make more money, because she can't hardly
get by
on the $72,000,000 they paid for her show or the $12,000,000
they pay her
each year to keep the circus going, or on her other books or
on the two million
Paramount gave her aborted TV show, so she wrote this book tp
raise cash.
And if you're writing a book to sell to uneducated, brain-dead
ditto-monkeys,
and the have a surprise villain in the book who's harming our
children,
who would sell more books to the thinking impaired than,
...Anton, I need a drum roll, please,
...Hillary Clinton?
...ain't nothing to it, folks.
Pigboy Attacks Des Moines
Woman
"She's a Hobo," whales the vulgar Pigboy
The LA She-Thing just played "Happy Together" between mangles,
and sang along with it so out-of-tune I got an ear infection..
Flo and Eddie, wherever they are, must be gasping for breath...
Actor Richard Mulligan dies at 67
LOS ANGELES (AP) - Actor Richard Mulligan,
who won Emmys in the sitcoms "Soap" and
"Empty Nest," has died at age 67. Mulligan
died after a battle with cancer.
Mulligan played lovable working-class screwball
Burt Campbell - stepfather to Billy Crystal's
gay character - on "Soap." He won
an Emmy for the role in 1980.
You younger kids won't remember this great show - "Soap."
Truly groundbreaking, it had the first gay character on TV, I
think.
Soap was the fastest half-hour on television.
You'd start watching and it would be over in what seemed like
five minutes.
Remember when Burt was kidnapped by Aliens?
And the sex-crazed alien took his place and really liked sex
with his wife?
Remember "Bob," the puppet?
Remember the time all the men got drunk and left "Bob" to pay
the bill?
...those were the days,
Nothing like starting Friday morning with tales of lesbians.
Funny thing is, this tale was written by Lynn Cheney.
Elaine Showalter, an English professor at
Princeton University, was browsing a
used-book stall in Paris in the early 1990's
when she came upon an astonishing
find: an Old West romance, replete with
whorehouses, lesbian affairs and
attempted rapes, written by an author whose
name was familiar.
Dr. Showalter had stumbled across an old
and obscure novel by Lynne Cheney,
who until recently was known mainly for
her tenure as the conservative chair
of the National Endowment of the Humanities
and as a crusader against American
educational decline, multiculturalism and
relativism. These days, she is best known
for giving her husband three heart attacks
with her constant harping.
Did I mention that her husband is Dick
Cheney?
The book, entitled "Sisters," was printed
in 1981 only in a Signet Canadian
paperback, Dr. Showalter said, and is now
extremely hard to find.
In the typically hyperbolic language of
romance novels, the book's jacket
promises the tale of Sophie Dymond, a beautiful,
strong-willed widow who
leaves New York to investigate her sister's
death in Wyoming, and finds
herself in a world "where wives were led
to despise the marriage act and
prostitutes pandered to husbands' hungers
.
. . where the relationship between
women and men became a kind of guerrilla
warfare in which women were forced to
band together for the strength they needed
and at times for the love they wanted."
ha ha
Lynn harpy Cheney, writing a touching story
about lesbians?
What about the children? The childreN?
This week, in a scholarly review published
in the Chronicle of Higher Education,
Dr. Showalter discussed what she considered
some of the more surprising aspects of
"Sisters," from its open-minded attitudes
toward feminism — penned by an outspoken
opponent of women's studies programs —
to its deliciously Gothic plot elements.
Mrs. Cheney's brief biography on the official
Bush campaign Web site lists
only two books to her credit: a
history of the House of Representatives she
wrote with her husband, and "Telling the
Truth," which argues that political
correctness is breaking down America's
morality.
She has also written two other novels, "Executive
Privilege" in 1979 and "The
Body Politic," which was written with Victor
Gold in 1988 and concerns the
wife of a dead vice president.
But it is "Sisters" that dominates Dr. Showalter's
review; she said the book
struck her in part because of the use it
made of work by several feminist
historians. It showed knowledge of their
work, and also sympathy for
19th-century women's advocates, she said.
In an interview this week, Mrs. Cheney said
she wrote the book while her
husband was running for Congress and said
her goal was "to write a thriller
set in the 19th- century West."
But she had another goal too. "In the 1970's
feminists did important work
recovering women's history," she said.
"I tried to do some of that myself."
In the book, Sophie Dymond is described
as a successful magazine publisher so
savvy and strong- minded she carries about
a little lacquer box of
contraceptives. She goes to Cheyenne, Wyo.,
in 1886 to find out how her sister
Helen had died. As Dr. Showalter writes,
Sophie comes upon a group of women
who are convinced of female moral superiority
and the value of powerful
woman-to-woman bonds of friendship, and
she comes to understand their
grievances even as she rejects their "lesbian
ardor."
Whew! It's getting warm in here,
ha ha
In one passage Dr. Showalter pointed out,
Sophie watches two women embrace in
a wagon. "She saw that the women in the
cart had a passionate, loving intimacy
forever closed to her. How strong it made
them. What comfort it gave."
What really struck her, Dr. Showalter said,
was that Mrs. Cheney "approaches
these issues in a very open-minded way,
and a way very sympathetic to the women
and very sympathetic to the feminist arguments."
But those qualities apparently did
not appeal much to the book buyers of the
early 80's.
"I think `Sisters' sold about 500 copies,"
Mrs. Cheney said.
"I hope the renewed interest in it will
send it flying off the shelves."
ha ha
No, Lynn, we're just going to buy one book and pass it around
and talk about how
you used lesbian sex, whorehouses and attempted rapes to spice
up your dull writing.
The only way this could be better is if the cowboys tie a prostitute
between
two horses and have them pull her in two like Smirk does in his
movies.
I think your husband calls that "pandering" and "filth."
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