BartCop,

I got into a litlle e-mail war with some screw-head in Houston recently (goes by the nomer Scot Toler).
He sent out a little anti-Democrat diatribe (the parts in quotes), titled "How To Be A Good Democrat".

He also included the disclaimer "If anybody reading this is a Democrat and is offended, I apologize."
Well, I don't belive in that kind of crap. It's like going to a barmitzva and saying
"If anybody here is Jewish, and this offends you, I'm sorry" and then telling every Jew joke known to man.

Randy don't play that. I responded to each one of his assinine assertions.
Hope you enjoy, and post if you see fit.
Randy
 
 
 
After a careful perusing of my good friend Scot's instructions on how to "be a good Democrat",
I have formulated the following response:

HOW TO BE A MORON

Let me first start off by apologizing to any morons, retards, idiots, fools, nincompoops, and Scott Toler:

"1. You have to believe that the AIDS virus is spread by a lack of federal funding."

TO BE A MORON, you must believe that AIDS is the result of a just and MERCIFUL God
exacting vengeance upon his own children, not a physical human ailment.

"2. You have to believe that the same teacher who can't teach 4th graders how to read
       is somehow qualified to teach those same kids about sex"

TO BE A MORON, you must somehow believe that 4th graders are being taught about sex.

"3. You have to believe that guns in the hands of law-abiding Americans are more of a threat
      than U.S.  nuclear weapons technology in the hands of Chinese communists"

TO BE A MORON, you must not fear the crazy, El Camino driving mullet-head who is hanging out his
car window screaming at you on I-10 while waving a handgun, but you must lay awake at night
shaking in fear because the "Chinese Are Coming!"

“4. You have to believe that there was no art before federal funding”

TO BE A MORON, you must believe that the original suckling on the governmental art tit, those
“artists”, Leonardo da Vinci and Michelangelo, were really no good, lazy, liberal slugs who couldn’t be
bothered to get real jobs.

“5. You have to believe that global temperatures are less affected by cyclical, documented changes in
      the earth’s climate, and more affected by yuppies driving SUVs”

TO BE A MORON, you must somehow believe Yuppies are not harmful to yourself, mankind, and
the Earth.

“6. You have to believe that gender roles are artificial but being homosexual is natural.”

Scott, my man, I have no idea what you are getting at here.

“7. You have to be against capital punishment but support abortion on demand.”

TO BE A MORON, you must somehow believe that women walk into abortion clinics and scream
“GIVE ME AN ABORTION!  NOW!"

“8. You have to believe that businesses create oppression and governments creates prosperity.”

TO BE A MORON, you must think paid sick time, Worker’s Compensation, and overtime pay were
given to workers because businesses felt it was the “right thing to do”, and not because they were
forced to do it by the government and unions.

“9. You have to believe that hunters don’t care about nature, but loony activists,
      who’ve never been outside of Seattle, do.”

TO BE A MORON, you must not have any problem with shooting something you love.

“10. You have to believe that self-esteem is more important than actually doing something to earn it.”

TO BE A MORON, you have to have no self to get “esteemed” about, unless Rush Limbaugh tells
you that you have it.

“11.You have to believe that the military, not corrupt politicians, start wars.”

TO BE A MORON, you have to believe that the military is incapable of error, and just forget about
silly little things like the Mai Lai Massacre.

“12. You have to believe that the NRA is bad, because it supports certain parts of the constitution,
        while the ACLU is good because it supports certain parts of the constitution.”

TO BE A MORON, you must refuse to acknowledge that the 2nd Amendment contains other words
than “the right of the people to keep and bear arms shall not be infringed.” You must also refuse to
admit that the ACLU defended the rights of people living in government owned housing to keep firearms.

“13. You must believe that taxes are too low, but ATM fees are too high.”

TO BE A MORON, you must believe that ATM fees are too low, because banks just can’t seem
make a decent buck these days.

“14. You have to believe that Margaret Sanger and Gloria Steinem are more important
        to American history than Thomas Jefferson, General Robert E. Lee or Thomas Edison.”

TO BE A MORON, must somehow believe that Gloria Steinem and Margaret Sanger are taught
about in Colonial American History.

“15.You have to believe that standardized tests are racist, but racial quotas and set-asides aren’t.”

TO BE A MORON, you must think that it is impossible to create a test that would tend to favor one
type of individual over another.

“16. You have to believe that the only reason socialism hasn’t worked anywhere it’s been tried,
        is because the right people haven’t been in charge”

TO BE A MORON, you have to believe all those people getting there free health care in socialist
France really wished that they had to pay for it.

“17.You have to believe that Hillary Clinton is a lady.”

TO BE A MORON, you have to be a sexist pig, get your rocks off by insulting women, and be Scott Toler.

“18. You have to believe conservatives telling the truth belong in jail, but a liar
        and a sex offender belongs in the White House.”

TO BE A MORON, you must somehow believe that conservatives are being imprisoned
for their beliefs (if only that were true). You must also believe that when you can’t get America
to agree with you 2 ELECTIONS IN A ROW, you should try to IMPEACH the president
because you suck at ELECTING them.

“19. You have to believe that homosexual parades displaying drag, transvestites, and bestiality
        should be constitutionally protected, and manger scenes at Christmas should be illegal”

Scott, dear fellow, “transvestites and BESTIALITY”??? What the hell kind of town do you live in? ?
Remind me never to go there.

“20. You have to believe that illegal Democratic Party funding by the Chineses,
        is somehow in the best interest of the United States.”

TO BE A MORON, you have to believe that Spellchecker is unnecessary.

 Editor's Note:
 Randy, you did better than I would have.
 When they start that "Gays are into animal sex," I just want to say "suck me."