...risking it all, uploading in a lightning storm
 

 According to the USA Today,
 Fox is broadcasting YOU DECIDE 2000 at 8 PM EDT tonight.
 Could it be any more boring than the debates?
 Yes, but since nobody will watch, it'll probably kill!!

 Go figure, Gore will use the BIG hammer tonight
 and nooooooobody will be there to see him do it.

  Smirk Loses Endorsement

 "We're switching to Algore," says Mary Kate and Ashley Olsen.
 We endorsed Governor Bush ealier in the year, because we read the same books.
 But we've grown up a lot since then, and th egovernor seems to be moving backwards.

 We read Algore's budget proposals and we found them to be a lot more reasonable
 than some massive financial gift from the poor to the richest one percent.
 Yucko, Governor!  What were you thinking?

 Plus, Gore is cuter! (giggle)

To:  rush@eibnet.com

Subject: What about you?

Rush:

Why don't you tell your listeners how much of a tax cut
you will receive if Bush becomes president?

Eckhard Festag

 Debate Update

 Our latest debate challenger, Birdbath, claims on the new forum that he has
 sent me e-mail to further our debate, but he didn't send it as "Zac" whatever,
 and he didn't send it to  bartcop.com

 My new software allows me to put mail in alphabetical order,
 and even for an ADD Catholic with an IQ of 64, the letter "Z,"
 is easy to find.

 So Slick, if you want to climb in the ring, talk to me.
 I'd like 24-hours notice to draw a crowd.

From:  mr_utopia@hotmail.com

Subject: Can't we all just get along?

It is discouraging to see the Nader/Gore supporters go at each other.
I think we are fallng into the Repuglicans' hands, because we all know
that a Smirk presidency is a truly horrifying proposition indeed,
but we run the risk of achieving it by the Nader/Gore conflict.

I think we have a workable solution on our hands.
Please spread the word about:  http://www.voteswap2000.com/

Thanks!

Mr U, I'm printing your e-mail, but I can't endorse it.
I'm taking some flak for agreeing to debate Mr Nobody the Bird.
Bird has nothing but a hour's worth of web page and a bad nickname,
and I'm being criticized for elevating him and giving his opinion weight.
I don't mind giving him a shot at the champ because I enjoy sheering sheep.
There's few things I enjoy more, especially when there's a crowd watching.

Gore is in a similar but million-times-bigger situation.
Nader has no right to demand equality with the second-most powerful man
on the planet, a man who had won ...what, six elections?

Has Nader ever won even a school board election in his whole life?
Like Perot, he thinks he deserves a shot at the big chair without ever
having a seat in a much, much smaller chair.

Nader's little pipedream, and the naivete and gullibility of those who mean well
but don't understand the political process may enable that idiot Smirk to pack
the Supreme Court with Slappy Thomas clones, which will fuck the American
consumer to death for at least a generation.

Nader claims he doesn't want that, but name the last politician who told the truth.
Go ahead, I'l wait...

By the way,

I glanced at that voteswap page.
It runs on the honor system?
In this country?

ha ha

 Chernomyrdin to sue the idiot Smirk

 Click  Here

 The Top Ten PR Jobs from Hell

 Full Story

 Excerpt:
 PR executives were asked to name the celebrity clients they'd least like to represent.
 The largest group, 18%, named boxer Mike Tyson, followed by Dr. Laura,
 rapper Eminem, Howard Stern and Kathie Lee Gifford.

 Actually, Clinton came in first, but that's to be expected when the religiously-insane,
 white-power, tobacco whores attack his every move, but everyone on the list above
 could be hate free if they just wanted to.

 ha ha

 Dr Harpy, harder to represent than Eminem?

 ha ha

Guns in Court?

Concealed Weapons OK in Houston Courthouse
 And Nearly Everywhere Else?

Houston District Attorney John B. Holmes is steamed about not being able to
prosecute civilians who bring guns into the Harris County courthouse.

What?
Guns in the courthouse?
Can't prosecute?
When the Texas Legislature approved Bush's proposal to allow people to carry
concealed guns, the governor and others told us that any institution that didn't want
guns indoors just had to post a sign to that effect.  And the safeguard, the governor
has told us over and over, is that we just need to enforce the laws on the books.

As the Houston district attorney discovered, that ain't exactly so.

The sign on the door of the courthouse said
Handguns prohibited by law on building premises.
Violators subject to arrest.
Clear enough, right?

Holmes discovered differently when an attorney attempted to bring a concealed
handgun into the courthouse and Holmes moved to prosecute.  As it turns out,
the law requires very specific, legalistic wording:  "Pursuant to Section 30.06,
Penal Code (trespass by holder of license to carry a concealed handgun), a person
licensed under Subchapter H, Chapter 411, (concealed handgun law), may not
enter this property with a concealed handgun."

But Holmes shouldn't feel too embarrassed.  The Houston Chronicle
discovered that the right language "is hardly used by anyone."

So it was just the sort of mistake we expect when the legislature is in a
hurry to get work done, right?  Wrong.

"We purposefully made it so the sign had to be too big," said former
Houston State Senator Jerry Patterson, who was the author of the
concealed-handgun law. He explained that the Legislature didn't really want
it to be easy for a sign to be the basis of a trespass conviction.
"Most people don't have a clue what should be on the signs," Patterson boasted.

The law also requires the language be printed in block letters 1 inch high, in
contrasting colors and in both English and Spanish, to be the basis of a prosecution.

What about the other signs that claim to bar citizens from bringing their
concealed weapons into restaurants, hospitals and other businesses?
Holmes and Patterson both say the signs don't really have any legal effect at all.

The DA asked the county to change the signs a year ago,
he said, but nothing has been done.

Several offenders have escaped prosecution, Holmes said, including a case
filed two weeks ago against someone who brought a weapon into the Family
Law Center. The sign does not comply with the law, said Assistant District
Attorney Donna Goode.

If I spent some time, I could probably think of a more dangerous place to
encourage people to carry their concealed handguns than a courtroom.

Courtrooms are where lives are destroyed.
Courtrooms are where the most dramtic things happen to you.
Your divorce, where the dirty, cheating bitch took you for everything..
Your bankruptcy, where you lost everything else of value.
Your child custody case,where you lost your goddamn kids.
Your murder trial, when you have nothing left to lose.
Your trial to get a child molester off the street that you THINK
   MIGHT have been the one who abused your 6-year old daughter.

But thanks to Smirk's sound judgment, people are allowed to carry their
concealed handguns into situations where they are most desperate and,
at least in their own minds, justified into taking the most drastic action.

Texas - it's like a whole other country.

 Great Sanity Quotes

 "At a New York fund-raiser for Ralph Nader, a well-meaning movie star
 remarked fatuously that "We survived Nixon and we'll survive Bush."
 Unfortunately, it isn't the survival of millionaire populists that's at stake in this election."
    --Joe Conason

 So he doesn't get tripped up,
 Smirk keeps his notes handy...

From: jwestby@ameritech.net

Subject: bradley is the real traitor

While Nader gets our attention now, we shouldn't forget
who sent the first shiv into Gore's side:  Bill Bradley.

The man beloved by the whore media, the one who started it all
with the "Gore lies" story line, which was picked up by the RNC
and blast faxed to every whore-pundit with a heartbeat.

Should Gore lose this (Koresh forbid),
Bradley has more to answer for than Nader
 

Should Gore lose this, we'll have four years to identify and hang the
back-stabbing traitors who elected Smirk, and I can't imagine a more
energized place to co-ordinate that effort than right here at bartcop.com.
...but that's not going to happen, so keep smiling:)

 Speaking of back-stabbing traitors who are working to help Smirk,
 the review in the USA Today for the new film  Lucky Numbers,
 says it stars John Travolta, Lisa Kudrow and ...Michael Moore?

 Yes, it's don't-vote-for-Gore Michael Moore.

 It says Michael Moore plays a "moronic, religious zealot."

________________________________
 insert your own punchline here

 I'll bet if I asked Michael Moore why he left the Democratic Party,
 I wonder if he'd say something cute like, "I didn't - it left me."

 Another former Democrat is famous for saying that line - Ronald Reagan -
 who became a hero to the white-power, religio-wacko tobacco whores.
 Yeah, they say Reagan is such a saint that he walks on water.

 I wonder if Michael would like to do a little walking, too?

 Guest Editorial
  by James Higdon

 Click  Here

 ha ha

 I used to like Powell, when he was cuttin' the heads off Iraqi snakes,
 but then he turned into Smirk's boy.

 Pulling extra, extra, extra-hard for Smirk
          Why are they making shit up about Gore?

 Click  Here

 Lazio claims he can solve Middle East crisis

 Lazio Takes on President Clinton
  Not content to have his ass kicked by his wife
  Says he'll "explain things" to the president

 Click  Here

    This is not a gag.

 ACLU Files Federal Lawsuit in "Hexing" Case
   Tulsa, OK (Where else?)  Thursday, October 26, 2000

 Full Insane Story

  TULSA, OK--In a case reminiscent of the Salem Witch trials, the ACLU today filed
  a federal lawsuit charging that school officials violated 15-year-old Brandi Blackbear's
  rights when they accused her of casting a hex that resulted in a teacher's illness.

 "These outlandish accusations have made Brandi Blackbear's life at school unbearable,"
   said Joann Bell, Executive Director of the ACLU of Oklahoma.

 "I for one would like to see the so-called evidence this school has that a
  15-year-old girl made a grown man sick by casting a magic spell," Bell said.
 

  Ms Bell, are you new to Oklahoma?
  This is a comparably sane move, compared to the usual Oklahoma horseshit.
  This is the land of cock-fighting, Jim Inhofe and the Jesus Twins.
  This is the land of "niggers stay out - unless you can carry a football."
  This is the land where they hate the most successful president in history.
  This is the Koresh-forsaken dust bowl where education is "bad."
  This is the land, stolen from the red man, where ignorance rules.

  Oh, Koresh, help Ol' BartCop turn the tide of religious insanity in America.
  Help Ol' BartCop educate these blind, superstitious fools.
  Help me force science and logic on them.

  Y'know - sometimes you just want to give up.
  Sometimes, you think you'll never make a difference, so why try...

  But still, ...I try.

 Great Laura She-Thing Quotes

 "All truths do not NEED to be spoken."

 ha ha

 I guess those would include the truths about Republicans.

 But, of course, all "truths" about Democrats MUST be not only
 spoken, these must be meticulously parsed for an hour on O'Reilly,
 then another hour on Hannity, then another hour on Von Zahn,
 then another hour on Chris the Screamer, then an hour with Brian Williams,
 then three hours of Doc Screech, then three hours of the vulgar Pigboy,
 then a half hour on Crossfire, then a half hour on McLaughlin, then an hour
 on Talk Back Live, then four hours over at C-Span, then an hour of Horrendo,
 then a special report on CNN at 10 PM EDT, and after that's over, we get
 the repeat of an hour on O'Reilly, then another hour on Hannity, then another
 hour on Von Zahn, then another hour on Chris the Screamer, then an hour
 with Matt Williams, and then it's Sunday, so we get an hour from Tim the Whore,
........
 then Sam and Cokie kick the Democrats around, then Face the Whore attacks,
 then Fox News goes ape-shit with another nonsense allegation about what we'd do
 if Clinton refuses to give up the White House on January 20th, then the Beltway Whores
 Morton Kondrake and Fred (dumber than Chippy the Chimp) Barnes whore off,
 then that wet-pants Bernard Shaw and Wolf the Whore have their CNN circle jerk,
 and pretty soon it's morning, so we get the update from Pigboy, then the Doc Spread 'em
 update, then the Paul Harvey update, and we're only a few hours from Laura's show again.

 Of course, for the sake of brevity, we won't mention the New York Whore Times,
 the Moonie Times, the New York Whore Post, the Whore Street Journal, the US News
 and Whore Report, along with TIME Whore and NEWSWEEK whore, and Drudge
 will find another hooker who claims had another child with Bill Clinton, so, naturally,
 the New York Whore Times runs that on their front page, above the fold, and once
 they do that, here comes ABC and CBS and NBC and, bringing up the rear, Fox.

 So, I guess Laura is right.
 Not every "truth" needs to be told.

 Great vulgar Pigboy Quotes

 "As you know, I'm a  big, big fan  of Tim Russert..."

 Gee, Rush, I wonder why?
 Could it be you are two whores working for the same pimp?

 We know Gore won't get a honeymoon from the press,
 but if Smirk pulled off the big miracle, would he get one?

 Clinton didn't get any honeymoon from the sons of bitches.
 Remember what they did?

 I think, as part of the deal the GOP made with Bush to throw the election,
 a big "scandal" was made out of Clinton's first two choices for Attorney General.
 The press was circling like sharks because - Koresh forbid - the women
 Clinton picked had not paid Social Security taxes on their nannies or gardeners
 or whatever, so the press and the Republican squeeled like a chicken caught
 in a tractor's nuts that they were LAW BREAKERS!!!

 Even though that question had never been asked about any member of the
 Reagan or Bush administrations, the whore press and the GOP decided to
 raise the bar on this new guy from Arkansas, so they torpedoed his first two
 picks for AG with this horseshit.

 Don't get me wrong - I'm not saying they did right by skipping the taxes,
 but it reminds me of the racist cops, sitting outside a TGI Fridays, letting the
 white couples drive away drunk, but the second they see a black couple get
 in their car, they pull them over - and sure enough - they've been drinking!!!

 OK, so we take the hit and we move on.
 We got screwed, we live to fight another day.

 But will the press ask tax questions about every rich, white Smirk appointee?
 If the whores of the press were doing their jobs, if Smirk appoints, say that
 Bag o Hairspray Liddy Dole to some position, they should go back to 1991
 and be sure she was paying SS taxes on her gardener BEFORE the bar was
 raised, and if she wasn't - can we have a criminal working for Smirk?

 If  bartcop.com  had more power, if we had more readers, we might be in
a position to demand these answers, but that's not the case.

 Oh, well, the rich get richer, and the whores keep gettin' paid.

 I think I'll do a shot of Chinaco Anejo and ponder possible solutions...

   Click  Here  for the 100%  legit  version.
    Read on for the 90 percent  legit  version.

 (WARNING: If you're reading this, a tacky, tacky Doc Screech picture
   has already loaded in the cache section of your browser.
   Delete it if your boss or wife might have a coronary.
   The offending file is 16K if you have no other way to search for it.)
 

 Babs gets even with Dr. Laura
  Who do you root for when one whore attacks another?
    -- the one who doesn't hate minorities.

 Barbara Walters and the gals of The View blasted Doc Screech yesterday,
 after the fun-hating, desperate-for-ratings moralist branded a sexy snapshot
 of Walters "despicable" on her extremely low-rated, TV hate-show.

 Screech started the on-air catfight last week when she held up a newspaper ad
 for an A&E  Biography two-hour special about Walters that featured a sultry shot
 of the 100-year old newswoman trying to be sexy in a titty-tease bathrobe.

 The nasty ho (Screech again) launched:
 "This woman throughout her history has questioned heads of states all over the world.
  Now, is this how we are going to promote her?" the shreiking Screech asked.

 "All I can think of is . . . does she have underwear on?
  Is this how she got the interviews?
  Is this what we want to do to someone with a history like that?
  I think it's really despicable."    (This is Screech, calling some other woman tacky!!!)

 (Ediotr's Note: You'd think a "professional" woman in her sixties
  who is, ...well,  ...guilty of giving up the old hound dawg,
  wouldn't be so quick to call this kind of attention to herself.)

  Screech continued:

 "Now, imagine if I were going to do my show like this,"
   as her staff put up decades-old spread-legged pictures of Screech
   when she was posing for a man who was not her husband.

        "No child left behind."
     This ad paid for by the RNC
        (To place your ad here,
         call 800-WED-WAKR)

   ha ha
   Who let the dogs out?
 

 Yesterday morning, Walters, Star Jones, Lisa Ling and Joy Behar
  ridiculed the nasty ho (Laura this time) by flashing one of her
  infamous nude pictures, taken years ago by an ex-boyfriend.
  Jones set off cheers in the studio audience by warning Screech:

 "You must remember something - you may have a TV show,
  Miss Thang,® but it's one against five and you don't go on
  the attack against our girl. We will get you!"

 Behar chimed in,
 "She is criticizing you, Barbara, because you posed in a bathrobe?
 Didn't that nasty ho (Laura) pose for pictures straddling a camera lens?"

 Walters told the audience,
 "First of all, that picture. I didn't pose in a bathrobe for that ad.
  It was done several years ago for Vanity Fair when they did a piece
  about me at home and yes, I was wearing underwear..."

  ha ha
  Can it get any better than this?
  Yes, it can!!
  ha ha

 The nasty ho (Walters, this time) continued:
"The 'Biography' people didn't even tell me about the ad running
   and I was thrilled. However, I do  think that Dr. Laura was right."

 "I think that probably we should not be posing in a bathrobe,
   but I also think that she looked great and that if she spread her legs
   more often on her show, her dismal fucking ratings would go up!"

 The audience erupted again. Jones yelled, "Yeah!" and Ling sniped,
 "That is just an excuse for that nasty ho (Laura) to spread her legs again."

 If you haven't already guessed, let me explain what has happened here:
 The disgusting whore, (Laura this time) was told she needs ratings NOW
 or she'll lose her TV show and probably never get another one.

 For ratings, she intentionally attacked the other whore (Walters this time)
 This wasn't something she stumbled into.
 This situation isn't something that "had befallen her."
 This isn't some accident she "found herself drawn into."
 She didn't "forget" anything.
 She knows her too-vulgar-for-Hustler-Magazine pictures are everywhere.

 This is a calculated move by a multi-milliondollar ho to make more money.
 She's intentionally provoking a fight with a really-high profile media person
 to let America know that the fake TV Screech was gone and the radio Screech
 is now on television and will be mangling guests like she does callers on the radio.

 Don't misunderstand my point, it's a great strategy.
 This couldn't be more high-profile if Jennifer left Puffy for Britney.
 Well, ...sure, ...that'd be hotter than this, ...but until then, ...this is hot.

 But you know what the worst part is?

 I can understand Paramount wanting to shake things up, but why would
 a "profoundly religious person" agree to drag her genitalia back out into the light
 and put her husband and young son Dehyerechke through this mess all over again?

 Doctor Laura - what about the children?
 You ...what?
 You can make more money this way?
 There are more millions to be made by bringing back your Hustler pictures?

 What would you call a multi-millionairess
 who would needlessly put her family through this,
 after getting $72,000,000 in one lump sum
 and then getting $12,000,000 each year after that
 who STILL insisted on spreading her legs for more money?

 Read the  Previous Issue
 It was the best issue we've ever done.
 

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