COLLEGE
FOOTBALL UPDATE
Oklahoma shucks Nebraska from behind, 31-14
Sooner rather than Husker
Nebraska made to eat it
As far as the state of Oklahoma is concerned, they had a winning
season
the day they stomped the University of Texas into little longhorn
meatballs.
The next game, they stomped #2 Kansas State into little kitty
cricker-crockers.
Now the next game, they slap 31 unanswered points on the top-ranked
Huskers.
Heisman candidate Josh the Hoople had 300 yards in just
three quarters.
The whole state is going ape-shit.
They're talking about running Hoople for Lt. Governor.
The Oklahoma Highway Patrol is expecting 200-300 car wrecks
on the Oklahoma City-Tulsa stretch of I-44.
The president of OU, former Senator David Boren, (D-Gay Conservative)
said he was so happy with the team's victory, he awarded the
team a rape,
a drug-overdose and two shootings, drawing immediate condemnation
from women's groups and Stop Handguns Inc...
DEVELOPING...
From: WilliamL15@prodigy.net
Subject: Cleopatra 2525
Holy cow, BartCop, did you see Cleopatra 2525 tonight?
It started right off with Cleo (Jennifer Sky,
AKA amazon princess on Xena)
saying "Holy shit!" on broadcast TV. Next she
got high on laughing gas and
had hot lesbian sex with Sarge (AKA Lilly) .
Then Hal (Gina Torres, AKA Egyptian princess on
Hercules)
got a parasitic venereal disease and they had
to kill her to get rid of it.
Damn, that sounds hot!
You better not be teasin' me, cause I'm gonna watch now.
From the New York Whore Times
BUSH GAVE OVERNIGHT STAYS
AT
GOV'S MANSION TO FINANCIAL
CONTRIBUTORS
George W. Bush has hosted 533 overnight guests at
the Texas governor's mansion, including major financial contributors.
The list was obtained by the paper through the Texas public information
law.
It shows that the Bushes typically had five to 10 overnight guests
a month.
"Some invitations apparently had a political motivation," reports
the NYWT,
such as white governors, white congressmen and major financial
contributors.
..............................................................................Warped minds think alike?
Great Clinton-Lazio Debate III Moments
Moderator: Hillary, name three things you like about The Lick.
Clinton: It seems like he has a very
nice family, he has worked very hard
...and he’s an attractive young man.
Lazio: ...you’re an attractive woman...
ha ha
Maybe the two of you should get a room?
From: lind2116@home.com
Subject: You're DBEST!
Dear Bart,
Keep up the good work. I have opened my home
for free babysitting so that
young parents supporting VP Gore can get to the
voting booth on November 7th.
We can all do a little something to defeat that
ego-maniac boy Bush/Nader.
God forbid if we get that Godzilla Chaney as second
first lady.
She's totally against government support for
the arts. Godzilla Chaney is against
black women writers, such as Toni Morrison, from
receiving Literary Awards
because she calls them "mediocre writers." I
call her a real KKK racist.
A Bush win will send our fellow-black citizens
to the back of the bus.
Why Colin Powell supports Bush, must be for the
millions the KKK
and the killer NRA are putting in Powell's Swiss
bank account.
I really would love to kick him in the groin
for what he's doing to his own people.
Powell is just shameless.
Thank you.
Grandma
From: Palau998@aol.com
Subject: Chinaco, Bush, the end of the world as we know it
Bartcop,
I have only recently found your wonderful site,
an oasis of sanity and intelligence
in a world gone mad. Whenever I feel sorry
for myself for having to live among
the troglodytes of Southern New Jersey, I just
think of you living out there in the
heart of conservative darkness, and it gives
me hope.
But I am losing hope about this election, I am
afraid the republican lackey
media has so misled the public that the average
joe, the salt of the earth,
the good simple people, you know, morons (remember
Blazing Saddles?)
ha ha
You can't go wrong with a Blazing Saddles reference here,
my friend,
...actually think Smirk is competent to be president,
and they are going to
elect the bastard. But here's the
most disheartening thing. I just came
back from a week in Vegas, my wife had to go
for a business convention and I
tagged along. I don't gamble (the wife's
in the gambling biz, know what they
call their customers? "Losers.")
So I spent my time hiking every day in redrocks,
go there bartcop, it is the best.
But every night my wife and I would go eat at
one of the restaurants at one
of the casinos, and every night I looked for
that tequila bar you talked about.
I never wrote it down, so I had no idea except
it was the "taqueria" something.
It's Taqueria Cononita
Well, I never found it, until the last day, my
wife and I walked into the Venetian
for a quick look, killing time on the way to
the airport, 20 minutes before we had
to be at our flight home, and there I saw that
little bar and recognized it from the
photo you had posted, but it was too late to
do the tequila sampler.
You poor bas ...uh, ...fellow.
I hate to hear you had such bad luck.
My wife dragged me out to the airport for the
redeye back east.
Well, if Smirk wins this election, I figure we
will be in a nuclear confrontation
pretty quick, with Smirk already signaling to
the Arabs that he will not support Israel,
and saying he doesn't want to use the Army to
keep the peace, instead he wants to
use it to fight wars. I really am worried.
But anyway, if we wind up with some kind
of Cuban missle crisis redux, I'm going out there
to spend my last minutes at that bar,
waiting for the bombs to hit Nellis in a tequila
haze, and I expect to see you there, too.
Cheers.
Palau,
I'm there, Dude.
But, screw those lil' samplers.
If missles are nigh, we'll just tank up and put it on the Visa card.
Great Clinton-Lazio Debate III Moments
Moderator: Lick, are you reconciled to losing?
Lazio: Absolutely not.
ha ha
I'll bet he wouldn't bet his ice cream cone on that.
Can this be for real?
Judges Reject Appeal in
’Sleeping Attorney’ Case
Ruling: A defendant in a Texas murder trial
has no
absolute right to a lawyer who stays awake,
panel says.
After you regurgitate your f-ing breakfast...
Click Here for the original LA Times's version
Click Here for the forever version
Read what Sam and I said to be funny!
Inside Nader's stock portfolio
Financial statements show he invests in "evil" companies
-- including Dick Cheney's former employers.
What are they saying in The London Times?
Excerpt:
I still believe US voters will be wise enough to see through
the trivia
of the campaign coverage. If they base their decision on serious
issues,
such as foreign policy, abortion, gun control and, above all,
economic stability,
the chances are they will opt for safety and vote for Mr Gore.
But I am a lot less confident than I was two weeks ago.
Subject: Divided Government
With Bush ahead in all the major polls it would seem that there
may be
only one alternative to stopping George W. Bush from squandering
the surplus;
elect Democrats to the House and Senate. With Bush having raised
and spent
a record amount of money to get elected, it will soon be time
to pay back
those who invested money in his campaign. And that pay back will
be with
our tax dollars and our retirement money.
I therefore urge voters to vote for Democrats to at least create
some gridlock
in the hope that they can slow down the process and prevent Bush
from giving
this great country away to his rich friends.
Marc Perkel, publisher bartcop.com
San Francisco Ca. 94112
Great Clinton-Lazio Debate III Moments
Moderator: You’ve been accused of being a co-president ...
Clinton: That’s one of the nicest things I’ve been accused of.
ha ha
Make her stop!
From: dfalchek@uplink.net
Subject: Where's the story?
Bartcop,
Why haven't we heard the REAL story behind W. Shrub?
How did he get into Yale with a cum average
(he means cumulative average) ha
ha
below 3.0 when Yale rejects applicants with 4.0?
What about the draft dodging? --signing up for
the air national guard
and the AWOL stuff.
The fraternity circle-jerks, homo torture, and
ewe-lovin'?
How about the resultant barely-passing grades
in college?
Why have the press not pursued the cocaine and
loose women in the days of disco.
(Imagine Shrub in his butterscotch suit with
white stitching all coked up doing the Hustle.)
ha ha
Stop it.
Fast forward to the 1980's.
Where are the stories about the oil companies
he bankrupted?
His daddy use his bully pulpit to strong arm
richies to buy Shrub's
company stocks at 10 X market value. Where's
that story?
Here's a guy who couldn't run a 7 - 11, poised
to the be the next
president, and the American people know virtually
nothing about him.
How will people know he is a sheep-plooking, coke-snorting,
mathmathically challenged, Title 1, self-loathing
bisexual?
(Not that I have a problem with that, but it
causes him gay-bash.)
Your thoughts?
D. F.
DF,
I've said many times that the press would write their stories long
before now,
but for a reason I can only guess at, they're holding on to them.
My best guess is it's much more fun and profitable to fuck
with a sitting president than it is to ruin a presidential campaign.
If they blew the whistle on Smirk now, they'd get a few weeks of fun,
and then they'd have four/eight looong, boring years with Gore.
But if they can get Smirk elected, they can torture him for months or
years
until Miss Cheer and Bug Boy explain to him that he's lost his base
in congress
and he needs to step down and let "Big Time" run the show.
Bottom line?
They are lazy whores - they can make more money this way,
That's always the bottom line.
...but I still think Gore will be victorious.
Today's Page Two Girl is a triple shot from the boss
From: rshayes@btc-bci.com
Subject: Bush answering machine message
Hi Bartcop,
When my husband and I got home this afternoon
there was
a message from the Bush camp about his
stand on abortion.
It gave a toll free number to call and leave
a message.
I didn't take the time to answer it, but
got a message from my
mother she had the same message on her
machine this afternoon.
She said she wasn't going to support him
because of his financing
of an abortion in the 70's. After
that I had to call it myself.
What better way to answer the asshole?
Here is the number:
1-800-378-7338
Call
me and tell me
what
you think of me!
1-800-378-7338
Sylvia Hayes
Grand Junction, MI
Sylvia,
Cool Beans!
A free 800 number to call Smirk with our opinions?
ha ha
"Smirk, you're a mean-spirted, moronic gob of cotton-candy.
Thanks for paying for this phone call of truth, and for
paying for my next call, and the next one,
and the next...
ha ha
Smirk and the Supreme Court
From: jstone@sofnet.com
Subject:: Tell Roger Wilson if Jean Carnahan is qualified
This shows what an utter piece of shit vote.com
is:
Why not ask first:
How many of you voting know *anything* about Jean
Carnahan.
The Asscroft hate and attack machine gears up
again ...
Well, anybody is more qualified than the hateful Christian Asscroft.
BTW, isn't vote.com run by Dick Morris?
The guy Rush calls "the toe sucker?"
Great Hillary Quotes
"After watching the final game of the
World Series,
I was struck by the fact that
the players not born
in New York were able to deliver
for New York."
ha ha
Ladies and Dentalmen (homage to Pigboy)
the next senator from the great state of New York...
Great West Wing Quotes
This is an election between the most
qualified person to run
for president in my lifetime and the
least qualified.
This ain't no stinkin' TV show.
The stakes are high, the consequences
are real.
-"Josh Lyman" to 30,000 people in Madison, WI, campaigning
with Algore
From: fiendish33@hardynet.com
Subject: =( alan colmes is GOD!
wtf man!?
Why you gotta insult Alan Colmes!?
Alan is the perfect guy!
He's GOD-LIKE and you dis him!!
I am just in shock now cuz I thought you
were pretty decent
but to insult Alan is just sooooo wrong
that I'm not able to put how much that
sucks into words! =(
Alan Forever,
heather
Heather, don't feel bad.
I suffer from writer's block a lot, myself.
Alan is the perfect guy ...if you're arguing with Aunt Edna, but
he's in
the nasty hardball New York pit with Sean Hannity, AKA Pigboy-in-training.
Hannity dominates the show and the conversation.
Seems like Hannity controls Alan's volume button, too.
I like Alan's politics, but his job is to play the fool so Hannity
can demonstrate
how stupid liberals are and how superior the Master Race Republicans
are..
Alan's got the same job as the team playing the Harlem Globetrotters.
If Alan is a good, effective Democratic debater, could you name a bad one?
Saw some hate mail over at bettybowers.com
From: Joan and Larry Everett jomay@amigo.net
To: betty@bettybowers.com
Sent: Wednesday, October 25, 2000 4:01
PM
Subject: Betty Bowers the Gore Whore
> You are nothing more than a Gore Whore!
>
From: Betty Bowers betty@bettybowers.com
To: Joan and Larry Everett jomay@amigo.net
Date: Wed, 25 Oct 2000 16:14:53 -0400
Subject: Re: Betty Bowers the Gore Whore
Dear Harlot and Her Common Law Husband:
I don't appreciate your filthy, secular
language.
I would NEVER vote for a Demon-crat!
Of course, I could never vote for a
child molester either, which
is why I simply can't cast a ballot
for Poppy and Bar's son.
I am infuriated with Bar for not telling
me that George forced his
15 year-old lover to have an abortion.
I can hear her now!
Trotting out that tired old, "Betty,
he was out of his mind on cocaine" excuse!
How many times are we loyal Republicans
going to have to listen to that?
I ask you!
Yours in Christ,
Betty Bowers
ha ha
From: (withheld)
Subject: Need a Client?
OK, I work for the federal government. (NASA.)
And posting facts that go against the right-wingnuts
was stupid.
I added a tag-line to my e-mail about the signs
at the political conventions (factual).
And a tag to my out-of-office reply about how
we could conserve more oil
than by drilling out of the arctic (factual).
Now -- get this -- they want to suspend me for
two weeks, without pay,
for "political activity on government property."
Never mind the dittohead that listens to Limbaugh
3 hours a day, every day,
on his government computer.
Never mind the religio-nits with their "I serve
the lord" posters on their government cubicles,
or the "my president is Charleton Heston" bumper
stickers on their government cabinets.
The Bushies are so panicked, they're monitoring
EACH AND EVERY e-mail from
the outspoken Gore supporters at Kennedy Space
Center.
Know any lawyers who'd like to take on the feds?
Lady X
Any lawyers out there can help a lady in distress?
Atlanta Journal Constitution endorses Barr's Opponent
<snip>
Barr, on the other hand, was trying to drum up interest in impeaching
Bill Clinton long before the world even heard of Monica Lewinsky,
and he's made destruction of the Clintons his central passion.
Today, he says that his only regret is that Kenneth Starr's $40
million
(No, it was over $50,000,000) investigation of the president
didn't go far enough.
Barr's appearance before the Council of Conservative Citizens,
a known
white supremacist group, only added to the embarrassment he has
caused this state.
From: Walllleo@aol.com
Subject: hate
We've got to get hate like yours off the
net,
stop hate speech
Walt
Walt, could be....
But what should we do about the humor?
Today's Page Two Girl isn't torn at all
Great Music Hero Quotes
"Don't get me wrong, I like children,
I have a few of them myself.
But they shouldn't be running
the music business."
-- Bono last night live on www.farmclub.com
after their live concert
ha ha
From: PiccoloGT15@aol.com
Subject: Conspiracy Theory
Bartcop,
What would happen if there were several
forces at work
behind the RNC to put Shrub Jr. in power?
Let me explain..
FORCE ONE: The complete chaotic breakdown
of the Reform Party.
Look at the turmoil that surrounded said
body this year.
First an internal struggle for power that
was dominated by Buchanan.
Odd to see a Republican luminary shift
alliances so easily,
and then contribute to the break up of
what probably helped
put the coffin in the grave of the Senior
Shrub.
Thus, one worry is taken out of the way,
Buchanan damming up
any candidates that might spring up to
take Perot's mantle.
FORCE TWO: Nader. Yup, Nader isn't
as Left as he appears to be.
In reality, he's quite conservtive, and
is rumored to have busted a union once.
Look at his global policies.
If it wsn't for a few of his stances, he's
almost be like Pat in some ways.
I could see him being enlisted to draw
some of the vote from Gore, enough to
ensure a disasterous turnout for Gore,
and then placing Bush in the Oval Office.
(God help us in THAT Darkest Hour)
Bush, then boasting since he's a "uniter,
not a divider" he'll sit Nader in a
Secretary of (Insert department here).
Of course, Nader will be Bush's cabana boy,
ala McCain, and when Democrats oppose Bush,
hge'll say "But NADER agrees
with me, and he's one of your guys. You
must have the problem."
Then he'll tell a quick Texas joke and the
press will laugh
at his merry wit and commend the fact he
stayed up half the night,
like in HARVARD to memorize that joke.
FORCE THREE: The media. Why the media,
who once boasted names
like Upton Sinclair and Ida Tarbell, now
cna only parrot the RNC's fax's
as the One and Only Truth. Now, in the
last days, it seems the truth is slowly getting out.
But is it too little too late?
Figuring how the media hs it's head rammed
so far up W's ass that they've
run into something from his frat boy hazing
days, I'm pretty sure it is.
When the NY Times can have an orgasm about
Gore saying "there" instead
of "they're" and all of a sudden become
certified to make psychiatric judgements,
then I don't know what we're going to do.
And don't think the media is using this
as a springboard to another story. Why
we must pretend the media will be
on our side after this fiasco, I don't
know.
FORCE FOUR: The average voter isn't
a Conason, an Irvings, a Baker,
or even a Bartcop. It's a blind
stumbling mammoth that is fed whatever is
presented before it's pit of a mouth, swallowing
whatever it can with a react now,
think later attitude. The RNC counted on
this, and it seems it might have worked.
In any case, it's drk days ahed, maybe....
Didn't someone say that God is a Democrat?
Piccolo,
I'll buy everything but the "drk says ahed."
I think Gore's going to win.
Lucy Liu of Charlie's Angels says
Get a Leg up...
7:20 CDT
I'm watching Gore live on Fox.
I think I know what one of Gore's problems is:
He doesn't know how to speak in nuts & bolts.
He's going over that point AGAIN about Smirk promising the same
trillion dollars to tax cuts AND Social Security. He does a great
job
of explaining it, but he doesn't give the viewer anything to
hold onto.
I think I have the talent that Gore needs right now, for instance:
Gore should say, "Smirk is promising
that same trillion dollars
to two different groups of people. That
would take a magic act.
I can understand him pulling a trillion
dollars out of the first magic hat,
because we expect a trillion dollars
to be in that first magic hat, but....
"Where's the second magic hat?"
That's the trick.
It gives the lazy sons of bitches in the press something their
small, puny minds
can comprehend, something they can write down in a few words.
"Where's the second magic hat?"
If he would ask that question a couple of times,
the lazy-ass mother-effers in the press just might say,
"Gore want to know where the second
magic hat is?"
Suddenly, Smirk has a question he has to answer.
How could he avoid answering that?
It's a very damn simple question.
If he refuses, and the press won't press him on it, the Democrats
could
send two magicians to follow Smirk around, with one without
a hat!
The mental imagery stays with you, long after Gore is done droning.
Smirk can't deliver without that second hat!
Gore camp - you need to hire Ol' BartCop!
I can make the hard stuff seem really easy.
Read the Previous
Issue
It was the best issue we've ever done.
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