WASHINGTON — The actual text (and annotated subtext) of President Bush's remarks
on Osama bin Laden at his press conference on Wednesday:

THE PRESIDENT: Deep in my heart, I know the man is on the run, if he's alive at all.

(Karl says we have to low-ball expectations on Evil. Karl says we must never talk about the Evil One
and the One-Eyed One, so my approval ratings won't depend on whether we get their scalps.)

Who knows if he's hiding in some cave or not? We haven't heard from him in a long time.

(Rummy says the Evil One — I mean, the One Formerly Known as Evil — and a lot of the top
Al Queda commanders vamoosed from Tora Bora to Pakistan in December. Rummy says we blew it
and should never have trusted those double-dealing Afghan varmints to seal the borders and check
the caves. But Rummy says it's not a mistake if you don't admit it.)

And the idea of focusing on one person is — indicates to me people don't understand the scope of the mission.

(Karl says that if I repeat this mumbo jumbo often enough, people will buy it and forget all that Wanted Dead or Alive junk.)

Terror is bigger than one person.

(Karl says we'll all be terrified if one person — the Democratic nominee in 2004 — can make the argument
that we've been spending $2 billion a month on a manhunt without catching any of the 9/11 villains.)

And he's just — he's a person who's now been marginalized.

(Karen says we have to marginalize Osama or we'll be marginalized.)

His network, his host government has been destroyed. He's the ultimate parasite who found weakness,
exploited it and met his match.

(Vice says the Ultimate Parasite may have already leeched onto another host country — Yemen,
the Philippines or maybe Somalia — where he could be e-mailing terror orders to his friends from his Mac.)

You know, I just don't spend that much time on him, to be honest with you.

(I can't stop thinking about it. Dad says I should pretend he didn't slip through our fingers. Dad says if he
hadn't compared Saddam to Hitler, people wouldn't have gotten so riled at him when he let Saddam stay
in power. Gee, I wish Rummy would hurry up and get Osama. Anyway, Daschle hasn't caught Osama either.)

I'm more worried about making sure that our soldiers are well supplied, that the strategy is clear.

(Karl says we should use the war to help us in the midterm Congressional elections this fall, but we should
do it in a way no one notices.)

There's going to be other struggles like Shah-i-Kot, and I'm just as confident about the outcome of those
future battles as I was about Shah-i-Kot.

(Rummy says the reason there'll be other struggles like Shah-i-Kot is that everybody keeps escaping.
Karl says I have to concentrate on raising a million bucks a week for the struggles in the key battleground
states of North Carolina, Minnesota, Missouri and Iowa.)

We are showing the world we know how to fight a guerrilla war with conventional means.

(Condi says we have to have lots of little nukes, just in case.)

Well, as I say, we haven't heard much from him.

(Tom says he's got all those psychedelic color-coded gizmos, just in case.)

I truly am not that concerned about him. I know he is on the run.

(Vice says Osama can't run Al Qaeda on the run, but he never ran Al Qaeda any other way.
I asked Vice, "Vice, haven't Osama and his bombs always lived out of a suitcase?"
But Vice told me not to overdo the psychoanalytic bit.)

We're working closely with other governments to deny sanctuary, or training, or a place to hide
or a place to raise money.

(Vice called me today and said the sheiks aren't shakin' and bakin' with our plans to vaporize Iraq.
What is their problemo?)

And we've got more work to do. . . . This is going to be a long struggle.

(Karl says all the way to 2008. He says we're plenty hot because the Dems have no recession,
no soft money and no war.)

And I can assure you, I am not going to blink.

(Karl and Karen and Rummy and Vice and Condi and Tom say even if we don't catch Osama,
I'm a rock star. Hey, I hang with Bono.)