Paul Begala Shoots the
Bull
Look who came to work!
Election Day!!! It goes without saying
that you should vote.
But let me put it in perspective. John
Lewis is now a powerful Congressman.
But three decades ago he was a young hero who
led a march for the right to
vote in Selma, Alabama. As he and his followers
crossed the Edmund Pettus Bridge
in Selma, they were met by George Wallace's state
police.
Lewis began to kneel, to pray.
Wallace's thugs attacked him with clubs, split
his head open, nearly killed him.
People like Goodman, Chaney and Schwerner were
not so lucky.
They were murdered in Neshoba County, Mississippi,
for trying to register
African-Americans to vote. People have
died for your right to vote -- not so long ago.
To fail to vote would dishonor their sacrifice.
The two presidential candidates finished their
campaigns in typical fashion.
Ever the earnest son, Al Gore finished the campaign
by working hard,
going 30 hours without sleep, talking issues
deep into the night.
Bush coasted and smirked his way to a comparatively
early bedtime.
His campaign has always had a sense of entitlement,
arrogance and vengeance,
and all three were abundantly evident last night.
Instead of wrapping up his campaign in the big
swing states of Michigan, Florida and
Pennsylvania, Bush finished in Tennessee and
Arkansas --- trying to stick a thumb in
the eyes of Bill Clinton and Al Gore. Bush
even played a snippet of Clinton's campaign song,
"Don't Stop Thinkin' About Tomorrow", which was
interrupted by a sound effect
of a needle being scratched across a record,
replaced by The Who's angry anthem,
"Won't Be Fooled Again." Cute. But
too cute by half.
Too bitter, vengeful, arrogant and juvenile.
Classic Bush-league, cheap-shot finish.
In another classic Bush gesture, W went to Wisconsin
and called for an end to "the death penalty."
Aides said he meant the "death tax" -- the tax
paid by millionaires on the largest 2% of estates.
He also tried to persuade people he supports
a prescription drug benefit, saying -- I love this --
seniors should not have to choose between "prescription
drugs and medicine."
Huh?
I know every candidate gets punchy at this stage,
but Bush hasn't been working very hard.
This is not merely fatigue. It's a lack
of intellectual vigor, compounded by a lack of physical vigor.
If he can't keep his act together as a candidate,
he'd be way over his head as a president.
Finally, I want to say a word about Hillary Rodham
Clinton. When she called me two years ago
and said she was thinking about running for the
Senate, I said that as her friend I'd like to see her
spared the slings and arrows of partisan political
attacks. After the bashing she's gotten from the
right wing as our First Lady, I knew she was
going to be smeared and slimed by the right in a
political race. But just 16 months after moving
to New York, she is on the verge of an historic victory.
As an American, and as her friend, I could not
be more proud of her.
Gore better not win this before I can get home to my Chinaco Anejo.
From: craig_thompson@excite.com
Subject: Blocking sites
Hey bc
Note the Zogby poll...
(yeah i know he's a whore but I'll take all the good news I can get...)
Someone wrote in and talked about their company
site blocking you
- I can access you from my company computer -
but
it blocks Landover Baptist...
weird...
See you tonight
Craig
Craig,
Actually, that's not so weird.
You know how those Baptists can be...
I just left to vote.
They told me Democrats vote tomorrow.
You'd think they'd advertise that...
Pics produced by Jason Sherry@maysteel.com
Actually what happened when I went to vote,
it was so damn crowded there was no parking.
It's raining and sleeting in K-Drag today,
(God's plan to keep Smirk out of power)
but I've been voting in the same spot since 1976
and never even had to wait before.
Oklahoma knows they have a chance this time,
not like in 1992 and 1996.
America - you ready for this?
From: lisa@ladydove.net
Subject: Not everyone is perfect
give a liberal 30 seconds and he will resort
to pointing
out peoples physical features, refering to fictious
sexual acts and otherwise avoiding the issue.
do you call the fat person in front of you a
fat
pig all the time
or do you just express your opinion to his face
only if he is conservative.
while saying under your breath to the liberal
fat person
"I sure wish you would move your pig ass
so I can pay for my feel good
whole earth food and get on with my feel good
life."
I sure hope he does not hear you.
Lisa, I understand - completely!
Why is Drudge down today?
I'm sure he'll claim it was "too many hits,"
but Drudge is not eggs-actly trustworthy on stuff like that.
What's the real reason?
Molly Ivins - This is Your Life
From: tdouglas@direclynx.net
Subject: Latest MSNBC Poll
Dear Bartcop,
If you haven't seen it yet, quick go to MSNBC
and look at the latest poll.
Major shift today to Gore. Look's like
we may pull this one out.
Ted Douglas
Hot Springs, Arkansas
Ted, that's good news.
Zogby shows Gore ahead, too, so much that Rush has been explaining
that Zogby "changed the way he conducts polls," to hide the facts.
It's times like this I wish I was religious...
West Wing - Too smart for TV?
From: rayblessin@home.com
Subject: Comment from Canada
Those of you who are preparing to support the
Republican Party on November 27,
should know a bit about your fellow voters.
While it is true that all George W. Bush supporters
are not violent advocates of
denial of choice for women, it is reasonable
to assume that all rabid anti-choicers
are George W. Bush supporters.
While it is true that all George W. Bush supporters
are not prejudicial haters of
homosexuals, it is reasonable to assume that
all prejudicial haters of homosexuals
are George W. Bush supporters.
While it is true that all George W. Bush supporters
are not irrational religious
fundamentalists, it is reasonable to assume that
all irrational religious fundamentalists
are George W. Bush supporters.
While it is true that all George W. Bush supporters
are not bigoted racists,
it is reasonable to assume that all bigoted racists
are George W. Bush supporters.
While it is true that all George W. Bush supporters
are not fanatical gun nuts,
it is reasonable to assume that all fanatical
gun nuts are George W. Bush supporters.
So, if you vote for the Republicans you are, in
effect, in league with the solid support
offered the Republican Party by the lunatic fringe.
Assuming that rabid anti-choicers,
prejudicial haters of homosexuals, irrational
religious fundamentalists, bigoted racists,
and fanatical gun nuts do actually vote.
Ray Blessin
Kamloops, BC
A Message from Pickles Smirk
Dear Vooter,
I'm sending this e-mail to remind you Tuesday
is election day.
You can make a difference in this election.
My husband, Smirk
and all of our great Republican candidates
will provide the kind of
leadership to improve public schools, strengthen
Social Security,
rebuild our military and cut your taxes.
This will be a close race; please take your
friends and family to the
polls and vote for Smirk and our team this
Tuesday, November 7.
Thank you very much.
Pickles Smirk
_____________________________________________________________
If you receive a phone call attacking George
W. Bush or his proposals please
record it or make note of the attack and
report it by calling 1-800-878-9374.
ha ha
I got several of those, didn't you?
I made notes, and am calling them right away!!
ha ha
Smokin' Joe Conason
When there's balls to be busted,
who better than Smokin' Joe Conason to do it?
His target?
Ralph Nader, Republican
Great GOP Quotes
"I want you to understand that I can't win
without you."
--Smirk
From: jam@unlimitedmedia.com
Subject: Dear Abby
Dear Abby,
I am a sailor in the United States Coast Guard.
My parents live in the suburbs
of Philadelphia and one of my sisters, who lives
in Bensonhurst is married to
a transvestite. My Father and Mother have recently
been arrested for growing
and selling marijuana and are currently dependent
on my other two sisters,
who are prostitutes in Jersey City. I have
two brothers, one who is currently
serving a non parole life sentence in Attica,
for the rape & murder of a
teenage boy in 1994, the other currently being
held in the Wellington Remand
Center on charges of incest with his three children.
I have recently become engaged to marry a former
Thai prostitute who lives
in the Bronx and indeed is still a part-time
"working girl" in a brothel; however,
her time there is limited as she has recently
been infected with an STD.
We intend to marry as soon as possible and are
currently looking into the
possibility of opening our own brothel, with
my fiancée utilizing her knowledge
of the industry working as the manager.
I am hoping my two sisters would be
interested in joining our team. Although
I would prefer them not to prostitute
themselves, at least it would get them off the
streets and, hopefully, the heroin.
My problem is this: I love my fiancée and
look forward to bringing her into
the family, and of course I want to be totally
honest with her. Should I
tell her about my cousin who listens to Rush
Limbaugh?
Signed,
Worried about my reputation
Here's another place you can go...
From: (withheld)
Subject: Roving Reporter on Election Night
Yo BC-
Bad news- I won't be able to join you for the election night on-line shindig.
BUTT....
I will be bringing the digital camera to the Kansas City Democratic
Victory Party.
So, come tomorrow (well actually Thursday, as I plan to be hung
over tomorrow)
I'll have action photos of the event........
Gore wins in Missouri (crowd goes nuts)
Bob Holden takes the governor's seat (crowd goes even more nuts)
Then the big one........
CARNAHAN sends Asscroft back to his sheep farm!!!
(We could see riots at this point)
When the announcement comes that Gore is the president-elect,
it'll seem like an afterthought.
It's gonna be killer!!
I'll send ya the pix on Thursday.
MAS TEQUILA POR FAVOR!!!
Derrick
The Death of Outrage
Bill Bennett, why so silent?
Excerpt:
When the public sided with Bill Clinton over Tom DeLay during
the
impeachment farce, right-wing super-moralists went ballistic.
Bill Bennett,
whose brother Bob made a killing defending Clinton, made his
own killing by
attacking Americans in his screed "The Death of Outrage." But
when a
REPUBLICAN is charged with a moral crime, where do the super-moralists
go?
In the beginning God created the heavens
and the Earth. And the Earth was
without form, and void, and darkness was
upon the face of the deep.
And Satan said, "It doesn't get any better
than this."
And God said, "Let there be light," and
there was light.
And God said, "Let the earth bring forth
grass, the herb yielding seed, and
the fruit tree yielding fruit," and God
saw that it was good.
And Satan said, "There goes the neighborhood."
And God said, "Let us make Man in our image,
after our likeness, and let
them have dominion over the fish of the
sea, and over the fowl of the air
and over the cattle, and over all the Earth,
and over every creeping thing
that creepeth upon the Earth." And so God
created Man in his own image; male
and female created he them. And God looked
upon Man and Woman and saw that
they were lean and fit.
And Satan said, "I know how I can get back
in this game." And God populated
the earth with broccoli and cauliflower
and spinach, green and yellow
vegetables of all kinds, so Man and Woman
would live long and healthy lives.
And Satan created McDonald's. And McDonald's
brought forth the 99-cent
double cheeseburger. And Satan said to
Man, "You want fries with that?" And
Man said, "Supersize them." And Man gained
5 pounds. And God created the
healthful yogurt, that woman might keep
her figure that man found so fair.
And Satan brought forth chocolate. And Woman
gained 5 pounds. And God said,
"Try my crispy fresh salad." And Satan
brought forth Ben and Jerry's. And
Woman gained 10 pounds.
And God said, "I have sent thee heart-healthy
vegetables and olive oil with
which to cook them."
And Satan brought forth chicken-fried steak
so big it needed its own platter.
And Man gained 10 pounds and his bad cholesterol
went through the roof. And
God brought forth running shoes and Man
resolved to lose those extra pounds.
And Satan brought forth cable TV with remote
control so Man would not have
to toil to change channels between ESPN
and ESPN2. And Man gained another 20
pounds. And God said, "You're running up
the score, Devil." And God brought
forth the potato, a vegetable naturally
low in fat and brimming with nutrition.
And Satan peeled off the healthful skin
and sliced the starchy center into chips
and deep-fat fried them. And he created
sour cream dip also.
And Man clutched his remote control and
ate the potato chips swaddled in cholesterol.
And Satan saw and said, "It is good." And
Man went into cardiac arrest.
And God sighed and created quadruple bypass
surgery.
And Satan created HMO's.
Ross Sauer
patch@bytehead.com
To: bartcop@bartcop.com
anneftaylor@netscape.net
Lett2sisters@msn.com
witenite@nycap.rr.com
mcalicc@aol.com
From: btaylor1@nycap.rr.com
Subject: You Barinless Moron
BartCop wrote:
"so they can destroy him with his past
crimes after he's sworn in"
They will not do that!
They will protect him as they did
his father and Uncle Ronnie.
What Planet are you on?
I'm on Planet Barinless.
From: egue1968@bellsouth.net
Subject: Astrological prediction for election
Tomorrow's presidential election is very close,
not only in polls, but also
in the astrological charts of both candidates.
Unlike the Mexican election
of four months ago, where the transiting Sun
was clearly favoring Vicente
Fox, the candidates have few obvious advantages
in their transits for tomorrow.
George W. Bush
7/6/46, New Haven, CT. 7:26 a.m.
Cancer Sun, Leo Rising, Libra Moon
ARGUMENTS FOR VICTORY:
1. Conjunction of his natal Sun with natal Sun
of the U.S. It is good, but
the conjunction is already past on November 7th.
2. Natal Sun trine transiting Sun. This is his
best aspect and bet to win the election,
which like all elections is ruled by the Sun.
Additionally, the Sun is Bush's most
important planet as a Leo. However, as with the
transit above, it has already
occurred before election time, so its force
is not so great.
3.Venus trine Venus. This is good for his image,
so no matter what happens,
he's going to look good.
ARGUMENTS FOR DEFEAT:
1. Transiting Saturn in his 10th house of power.
This indicates a need for
more maturity of ideas and, overall, that the
time is not ripe to acquire
power. It also indicates a career setback.
2. Transiting Sun square Venus, Pluto and Mercury.
Venus and Mercury in a
Sun square are bad, but worse is the Pluto aspect.
Although Pluto and
Mercury are in the past (the Sun was in exact
square with Pluto and Mercury
when his DUI arrest made the news), it indicates
a little of bad luck.
3. Transiting North Node is square natal Jupiter.
First, why most astrologers
would overlook or discard this. The North Node
of the Moon is not a major
planetary component of traditional astrology.
However, it represents one's
exterior self or presence in the world and also,
importantly, karmic residue.
Jupiter, in turn, rules Bush's fifth house, which
is that of elections.
Universe to Bush: "You shouldn't win this election".
ha ha
Albert Gore
3/31/48, Washington, DC. 12:53 p.m.
Aries Sun, Leo Rising, Capricorn Moon
ARGUMENT FOR VICTORY:
1. Transiting Pluto in natal Fifth House. This
is a very good argument,
since Pluto denotes power and the fifth house
rules elections. Furthermore,
Gore's Fifth House is in Scorpio, which is ruled
by Pluto. This could be a
winner, except for the square with natal Mercury.
Gore should be wary of
breaking news, which may not be good for him.
ARGUMENTS FOR DEFEAT:
1. Transiting Sun squares natal Pluto and Uranus.
The transit above was
pretty good, but this negative aspect practically
negates it. Since the Sun
rules election day and Pluto Gore's elections,
the square is very bad news.
As you can see, this is almost an astrological
stalemate. Conventional
astrological wisdom would support Bush, who does
have a lot of positive transits.
However, another look must be given to the natal
chart of the day. I chose to make
a chart for Belle Fourche, South Dakota, the
geographical center of the United States,
for poll closing time. In it, Gore's Sun is very
close to the Midheaven, the center of
power in the chart, and the natal Moon is entering
Aries, Gore's sign.
As a result, and going on an offbeat astrological
(and hopefully not very political) hunch,
I predict that the winner will be, by a squeaker,
AL GORE.
Emilio Guerra
From: cbix@home.com
Subject: Pre-election night greeting
BC,
Just wanted to take this opportunity to
write, as I'm sure you'll be busier
than hell tonight. Thanks
for all the pleasure your efforts have given myself
and others leading up to this electrifying
night.
The polls here open at 6 a.m., one hour
away.
I think I'll get up there and get it done
right away.
I thought I'd vote for Bush too, what the
hell.
NOT!!
Gottcha!! heehee....
But may the best man win, which of course,
means Al Gore.
I'll be on the site tonight to either be
deliriously happy and relieved,
or stunned, numb, and completely depressed
and demoralized.
I don't even want to contemplate what it
would be like to
have to discuss endlessly in a post mortem
why Gore lost it.
It's a thought too hideous to comprehend
at the moment.
Well, it's off to the polls.
Thanks again!
Chris Beiderbecke
Smirk's Military Records Have Vanished
From: MWish2@aol.com
Subject: CLINTON-GORE
CLINTON-GORE, TAX US SOME MORE!
Dr. Laura gets 2 a.m. call
The voting results are coming in...
HOLLYWOOD (Variety) - In a move that does not bode well for its future,
low-rated talk show slut "Dr. Laura'' will be downgraded from afternoon
boring nag
to 2 a.m. nobody-cares time periods on what remaining CBS-owned stations
that air it.
Shifting a show to a late-night, or in this case overnight, time period
in the two top major
markets -- New York and LA -- has been the death knell for struggling
shows in the past.
The CBS stations that currently air and are downgrading the controversial
whore include the
top five markets: New York, LA, Chicago, Philadelphia and San Francisco.
Ultimately, cancellation of the Monday-Friday show is up to the series'
producer-distributor,
Paramount Television, a corporate sibling to CBS since this year's
merger between CBS and
Paramount's parent Viacom. And as far as Paramount is concerned, the
``Dr.'' is still in.
ha ha
``Dr. Laura,'' hosted by radio slut Laura Schlessinger (R-Straddle),
has been in the spotlight
since she spread her legs like a Penthouse reject. It was one of the
first and most quickly
cleared shows for a fall 2000 launch. Once Paramount announced it was
going forward with it,
all decent people who have taken issue with statements Schlessinger
has made on her hate-radio
show about homosexuality waged a war to keep the TV show from debuting.
Once it premiered,
protesters did not back down. (Slut called gays ``deviants'' and a
``biological errors.'')
Canada pulled her hate show a month ago.
From: englands2nd@hotmail.com
Predictions
Well, today is the day.
Bush - 49%-51% of the popular, Gore 43%-45% of
the popular,
Nader gets his 5% (barely)
Bush gets Florida, Michigan, Oregon, and Tennessee.
Gore eeks it out in Arkansas and Pennsylvania
Brian
You could be right...
You could be crazy...
BC,
I have a few more addresses
you can add to your list.
This is the paper R.M. Scaife owns (Tribune Review - http://www.triblive.com/)
letters@tribweb.com <---Greensburg
opinion@tribweb.com <---Pittsburgh
It's about damn time
http://www.consortiumnews.com/110700a.html
Let's hope this is the last day we'll need this:
A shipload of "Where
is Smirk?" military records.
Read the Previous
Issue
It was the best issue ever.
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