Memo to debate challengers.
You need to go to the chat room (front page) and send a private
msg (via Microsoft IE)
to "genslab" to get your exclusive rights to speak.
Are you coming to the debate tonight?
Will any conservatives show up?
U2, (reason enough to watch)
Chili Peppers, (who are a real band, Flea is great)
No Doubt, (Gwen has Lauren Bacall-like star quality)
Bon Jovi, (Mom said if you can't say something nice...)
Creed, (OK, but that one riff in their big song bothers
me)
Christina Aguilera (who, surprisingly, can really sing)
Lars the Litigious is going to read the names of people
who might go to prison under the goddamn R.I.C.O. statutes
for being Metallica fans, you cheating, thieving bastards.
For an award show, this is pretty amazing.
Usually we get a plethora of extremely effiminate boy
groups and gangstas.
May have to put a hold on the big debate while U2 is on, just
5 minutes.
From: jayson monroe@email.msn.com
Subject: Rosie is clearin' her throat!
Ha ha ha! (Fartblok). You're weenie Al is
goin' down for the last time Friday
(but the rest of y'alls party of beggars bigots
and baby-killers won't figure it out
for a long ass time). Ha ha ha (Fartstop).
You had me laughin' before all this...but now?
I've got 8 years (that's 11 years in
democrat math) to listen to you folks whine and
slobber, and it is gonna be sweet!
Who shall I loathe as Bejing Bill wets his Depends
in a Hanoi old folks home while
his clever 'lil brain is ravaged by the horrors
of syphillis?
Stick to picking on dumbass rednecks for kicks,
but stay on the porch boy, there's big dogs about!
ARF! Haw haw haw!
p.s.
I've got a good picture of old Hillary,
but I doubt your cake eating ass could handle it!
The old pig has got stretchmarks in her xxxx-xxx
that look like a John Deere was stuck there,
and she's got xxxx xxxx that look like the saddle
bags on my Harley. Yuk!
By the way, can't we anti-democrats have our
own partisan skank (Kathleen Harris)?
You guys have had a monopoly on sows like her
(Feinstein, Boxer, Barney Frank) forever!
Later,
Jason Monroe
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Tribute
The recent death of Lars-Erik Nelson
is devastating not only to those
of us who were privileged to know him,
but to the profession he loved.
In an era that rewards gossips and windbags,
he stubbornly insisted on
old-fashioned journalistic virtues.
His columns for the Daily News and
his articles for The New York Review
of Books offered us his wisdom,
generosity, experience and erudition.
He was the best practitioner of his craft,
and it is hard to believe that he is
suddenly gone
-- Joe Conason
From: patanded@pacbell.net(w/update
- see below)
Subject: The good? Doctor
Since I started the nude pix thing, I thought
I should respond with a suggestion.
I take your point about comic timing.
My suggestion is to put two buttons on your main
page:
The Latest (PG-13)
The Latest (R)
For most issues (where we don't have bare breasts),
the
two buttons would take us to the same content..
Other times, the 'R' button would take us to a
page containing
an entire issue (complete with Dr. Laura joke)
and PG-13
would take us to a page with all the contents
except the Dr. Laura slam.
Any time a reader does not have to worry about
co-workers or
other observers, he can click on the 'R' version.
Otherwise, the
PG-13 version. Some folks might always
prefer the PG-13
version (especially if the only naked woman is
Dr. Laura).
Not being a webmaster, I don't know if this suggestion
causes you a lot
of extra work or requires you to waste lots of
space on your server.
So, there may be technical reasons why this is
a bad idea.
Ed
Ed, I appreciate the idea, but that would just kill me.
I keep 3x5 cards in my shirt pocket to write down funny ideas or "stuff."
When I compose my little treehouse, I pull these notes out and start
going thru them.
When I get tired (or to 80K, which ever comes first) I hit "send" and
put what's
left in the "Get-to-later" pile, which now fills several shoeboxes.
It's funny what a
mish-mash and hodge-podge the end result turns out to be, because "The
Latest"
could be so different if I started from the other end of the pile of
3x5 cards.
I'm not saying what's getting posted is anything of great quality, but
whatever makes it
is only about 30 percent of what could've made it if I had better organizational
skills,
or a staff, or a webmaster, or a business manager, or a writing partner
etc etc.
The idea of having a second, cleaner version of this undisciplined jail
break would kill me.
Just the thought of it has caused a giant boil to explode on the right
side of my head.
Update
Something that hasn't been mentioned yet about the nudity, bad language
etc.
I did not fake these pictures of Laura the She-Thing.
I am only showing you "an accurate portrayal of her life's journey."
Matter of fact, I have taken the time to ask my good friend Kevin
Cunningham
to use his talents to mask the extra-overtly-offending area, her vulgar
vulva.
Remind yourselves, that however horrible and offensive those pictures
are:
1. I did not produce those pictures.
2. I didn't pose for those pictures.
3. I had nothing to do with those pictures going around the
world.
(I'm not under oath, am I? ha
ha)
4. I, BartCop, am the one who COVERED parts of her vulgarness
to keep my family-friendly rating with the religious
community.
I am not attacking anyone who has a problem with those pictures.
I admit those pictures are vulgar, but the blame belongs to the slut/whore.
I'm the guy who handed her a coat and said, "Woman, hide that
nasty thing."
Good Stuff Here
Excerpt:
Yes, I’ve become a partisan—not out of any admiration for that
patronizing robot
Al Gore, but because of the infuriating arrogance and self-righteousness
of the
Bush-Baker-Harris operation. Their smarmy piety about “the rule
of law” until the
law rules against them. Their willingness to use the Big Lie
(“I have exercised due
discretion”; “The votes have been counted and re-counted and
re-counted again,”
when in fact the issue in dispute are the tens of thousands of
votes that demonstrably
inadequate machines failed to register). And, as the Nassau County
episode
demonstrates, their willingness to countenance outright theft.
Oldie from the earliest days of bartcop.com
Stroke Me, Stroke Me
"Joe Lieberman is lying through our faces."
-- The Methane Factory, start of second hour.
Pigboy, let me explain American slang to you.
Your choices are:
JoeL is lying through his teeth,
or
JoeL is lying to our faces,
which isn't the most coherent way of speaking, either.
But I assure you, JoeL, even if he tried, couldn't lie thru
your face.
If you were on Millionaire, you'd probably screw up the
$100 question
since you can no longer recognize or form coherent sentences.
Rush, why isn't somebody helping you with your TIA's?
You make $2,000,000 a month.
Can't you afford a doctor?
Hi, my name is Earl.
I'm a Democrat
but I voted for Smirk because I'm a fucking moron.
I don't have the brains to wipe my ass, so I voted for a guy
more stupid than I.
E-Mail me, and tell me how loyal I am to the Democrats
But I'm not the only back-stabbing Democratic whore.
Rep. Gene Taylor of Mississippi already has said he would vote for Bush
because many voters
in his district supported him. Because Mississippi's delegation consists
of three Democrats and
two Republicans, Taylor's vote presumably will swing the state into
Bush's column.
Hi, my name is Gene Taylor (D-Traitor).
Screw you Democrats,
I like Smirk and I'll vote any goddamn way I please.
If you disagree, if you think I should remain loyal
to the people and the party that elected me,
then click here
and explain your point of view in the most frank terms imaginable.
No wait, I take that back.
I'm so much of a coward and a traitor,
I'm AFRAID to have an e-mail address.
You see, if I had an e-mail address, I might hear from my constituents,
and I sure as fuck don't want to here from any of you ignorant, backward
shits,
so if you want to reach me get two dixie cups and a goddamn string
for all I care.
You stupid suckers thought I would be receptive to your wishes?
ha ha
Christ, you Massabamans are as stupid as the people in Oklahoma.
Great Pigboy Quotes
"Al Gore wants to win too badly."
Gee, Rush, compared to whom?
From: uncledooshbag@hotmail.com
Subject: anger leads to the dark side...
Bartcop, you need to take a
step back, have a shot of that
new Margaritaville Tequila, and regain some perspective.
This election has gotten you trying to do too
much, and you're slipping a bit.
It seems that lately you've been tossing accusations
of "whore" and the like,
without really supplying evidence. Now, I normally
agree with your positions,
but as a journalist myself, I must demand the
highest standards of ethics from
myself as well as those around me.
So take a break, calm down and remember
these words;
"Don't hate your enemies, it clouds your judgment." -Michael Corleone
-good luck, Rob
Rob,
I wish you had been more specific.
I've never called anyone a whore that didn't deserve it, but yes,
it's possible in my frazzled condition I failed to properly make my
case.
The last few months have been pressure-packed, to be sure.
I thought I would get a break on November 8th, and that kept me going,
but the rest period never came - it just keeps on keepin' on.
No doubt, the quality of the writing is down significantly.
If Gore pulls this out, I could get a break-break and re-charge. But
if Smirk is successful
in his theft, I may not get a break until President Clinton is sworn
in on January 20, 2005.
Nevertheless, I will attempt to forge ahead.
From: stevew@galleriapublishing.com
Subject: Suggestion on the nudy pic problem
Hey, I hate to be an asshole to the guy who asked you not to post gross
unattractive pictures of Americas second most hated woman, but shit...
Shouldn't he be working instead of reading Bartcop if he is in an unfriendly
work environment?
The wit, raw humor, and grossness is what I love about Bartcop.
That is what made me a daily reader. While if you were to scale back
to a rated "G" format,
I and other faithful would still read it, I would bet you would find
yourself not snaring new readers as fast.
Don't change anything.
Tell the concerned employee that perhaps he should wait till he gets
home to read.
Or better yet, suggest that he turn his boss on to Bartcop.
Liberal or Conservinazi, he would either like it, or love to hate it.
Steve
America's future is in this Ryder truck
Why did
Dick Cheney sell oil field equipment to Saddam Hussein?
Why did
he then lie about it to Sam Donaldson?
Why
did Donaldson let him get away with that lie?
Excerpt:
Questioned by Sam Donaldson on ABC's
This Week program in
August, Cheney bluntly asserted that
Halliburton had no dealings with
the Iraqi regime while he was on board.
Donaldson: I'm told, and correct me if
I'm wrong, that Halliburton,
through subsidiaries, was actually trying
to do business in Iraq?
Cheney: No. No. I had a firm policy that
I wouldn't do anything in Iraq –
even arrangements that were supposedly
legal.
And that was it!
ABC News and the other U.S. networks dropped the issue like a
hot potato.
If we're going to lose this mess anyway, what we need is for the
Smirk handlers to
pull one last giant dirty trick, like having the Florida Taliban
legislature declare
that Smirking idiot the winner so all of America will know he
had to use a dirty,
underhanded trick to steal the election - we'll never let him
forget it.
Then, we will torture him like they did to Bill Clinton until
his face becomes
one giant stress boil and he crawls back into that bottle a broken
Smirk.
How it looks to other countries
From: davidbsharp@earthlink.net
Subject: foul language and nudity
Dear Bartcop,
I love your site. I visit it every day.
My 12 year old son is asking a lot of questions
about the election and one of the
places we visited together this evening was Bartcop.
But I cut our visit short
because the Dr. Laura pictures came up - not
appropriate for kids.
I'd like to suggest that you clean the site up
a bit.
It would be better for the kids, and it would
give you more credibility.
David B. Sharp
David, thanks for the note.
Now and then I address this issue, because so many people bring it up.
If I had $5 for everyone who suggested I "clean up," Mrs BartCop would
have her Jag.
Let's talk about the naked Laura pictures.
Those pictures weren't put there to be sexy.
They were put there to prove, in very graphic terms, what a slut/whore
she is.
If I was trying to tittilate, I have tens of thousands of better-looking
naked women.
If the point was nudity, the Page Two Girls would be a lot hotter,
trust me.
Besides the occasional nudity, I could also clean up my language.
Believe it or not, I don't use the language for the sake of using bad
words.
One reason I really like The Sopranos, is because it's real.
When a murderous hit-man stubs his toe, he doesn't say, "Gosh, that
hurts."
I use the language most Americans use, because I think that's more
honest.
I could also tone down my inflammatory rhetoric.
I could say, "I believe Rush is being disingenuous when he says "X"
and "Y."
I have no education.
I have no experience.
I have no training.
I have no brains, but I have passion .
I have a modem, a smart mouth and the truth.
If I change into someone else's idea of what I should be,
I wouldn't want to write it and I wouldn't want to read it.
Another thing to keep in mind: Believe it or not, I censor myself.
You should see the pictures people have sent me of Katherine Harris
on her knees
giving Monica to Smirk. Hey, I laughed, but it's farther than
bartcop.com
should go.
Zac, the guy whose website (gwbush.com)
became nationally famous when Smirk said,
"There should be limits to freedom"
told me he really liked bartcop.com and wanted
to exchange links with me, but he couldn't because I put up nude pictures
of Laura the Whore.
I could've gotten a lot bigger a lot faster with his link to me if I
took down the Laura pics,
but that's too high a price to pay. I refuse to do it. I'm going to
pound on that bitch and Pigboy
until the end of time and no amount of money can persuade me to stop.
I know I can't be everybody's favorite, but if I change I'm a whore
like the others.
I might as well be whoring for Damp Rid if I'm in this for the money.
Christ, if I was in this for the money, I'd be attacking Clinton.
If I'd been pounding on Clinton these last eight years, I'd be Pigboy's
neighbor.
In closing (wild applause) I gotta be me.
I am what I am and that's all that I am.
I appreciate your imput, and please don't take this as an attack.
In my own way, I think I have credibility.
From: dr.bomb@usa.net
Subject: Media Whore Moments
I'd like to dish out a verbal beatdown to CNN right now at 8:20a EST.
What's up with my ass waking up and tuning into CNN to find y'all focusing
on the truck
carrying the votes to Tallahassee? Since this was a Ryder truck during
this shot in question
I couldn't decide if we were watching Freepers about to blow more shit
up or OJ II!
IF the media can frame a shot like that to inspire deja vu where were
they during the riots as Freepers were pummeling election officials?
Fuck the ratings-whoring money-grubbing press! What's the matter?
Afraid your broadcasting PAC's will decline in popularity when campaign
finance reform happens?
If you need money just hire "Not A Doctor" Laura to do a strip tease
and a lap dance on
Ted Turner within the CNN atrium with the cameras rolling!
--dr.bomb
Great Clueless Quotes
"Our intention is to get this election
ratified."
Smirky, just now, (12:36 Texas time) admitting that
it's
not over
I'm going to get rid of the Amazon.com thing at the end
of the year.
I was supposed to be a good idea, but they're too cheap.
I get reports from them that they sold $10,000 worth of stuff
and my cut was $6.44 so I'm going to cut them loose.
Of course, I'd be crazy to dump them right before Christmas, right?
Don't buy anything you don't need, but if you're going to buy
a Christmas
gift from Amazon.com, their logo will be here for another
31 days.
Tom Delay, bastard
Read the Previous
Issue
It was so good, we sent it to the Academy.
Go Home to bartcop.com
