Political Humor
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Supreme Court Shocked by
the Outrage
Yeah, who knew we bought into that one-man, one-vote crap?
Excerpt:
One widely circulated tale involving O'Connor
has it that at an election night
party Nov. 7, O'Connor became visibly upset
when network anchors first said
Gore had won the critical state of Florida.
Her husband told others at the party
his wife was upset because the couple wanted
to retire and that she preferred
a GOP president name her successor.
Here's what I'd say if I had Tom Daschle's ear:
Tom, you go to Bush and explain to him up front that since you
have rolled over
and shown him your butt for Ashcroft, you're turning over a new
leaf.
Tell him you have fifty senators that will filibuster to death
any right-wing replacements
for the Whore Court, until such time as Bush actually wins a
national election.
If Sandy wants the cushy life before 2004, she can give her seat
up to a moderate.
If, at some point in the future Bush wins an election, tell him
you will consider
the wishes of the people and give him more room for his type
of radicalism.
Until then, it's moderates or nothing.
...and stick to it!
Lay the groundwork NOW so you don't say, "How do we get there?"
when the times comes to be there.
Tom, did you read what Trent Lott said yesterday?
"I have 50 Senators ready to confirm
Ashcroft."
Trent can deliver his 50 votes - why can't you?
I don't care if Uncle Dick breaks the 50-50 tie, at least you
haven't shown Bush your ass.
Tom, if you can't rally your own troops to vote against a monster
like John Ashcroft
doesn't that mean you're not the right man for this job?
Don't you care, Tom?
Don't you even care?
Tally Briggs / Actress at Large
From: nkspirit@houston.rr.com
Subject: Banned??
So now you have banned me from accessing your
forum. What's this about?
I was simply debating the merits of the tax system.
Man are you thin-skinned...
Omelet
ha ha
Who are you?
I've never heard of you, but you seem to suffer from the jitters.
You say your tax talk got a little spicy, eh?
You might send an e-mail to genslab@genslab.com
if you're really innocent.
If Gens says you're banned, write back and maybe we'll hold a trial.
President GeorgeHerbert-HerbertBush's "sexual indiscretions."
Freight Question
I wonder what UPS would charge me to send a bottle of Listerine to USA TODAY'S Walter Shapiro?
I imagine he'd want to wash the taste of Smirk _____ out of his
mouth.
(That sentence censored by the bartcop.com
Standards and Practices Committee.)
Did you read his column today?
Never in my life have I seen the press fawn over a politician
who deserved it less.
"Bush appears deeply troubled
by the persistence of poverty amid plenty.
Democratic critics would do well
to acknowledge that his concern is genuine."
What a total hosejob by USA TODAY!
Yeah, all the millionaire-cocaine-abortion-AWOL-oil business-playboys
are concerned with poverty.
...but Bill Clinton was just faking it to fool the voters.
Walter Shapiro - thy name is whore.
BartCop in the Mexican Jail
Mr. Peabody, Crank Up the
WaBac Machine
Smirk starts the move back in time
Smirk
and his whites-only dog, Rove-r.
Great Zebra Quotes
"This is a personal matter between Rev.
Jesse Jackson and his family."
-- Uncle OJ Watts (R-Extra Crispy)
At a time when every right-wing hosebag is pounding Jesse, one
Republican
steps forward and says this is none of anybody's business.
...and do you know why?
How many out-of-wedlock kids does Uncle OJ have?
When was the last time he saw any of them?
Whose last name to those kids have?
Uncle OJ nailed every white girl in Oklahoma before God's Own
Party
decided they needed to make some negro their "we're not racists"
token.
Great vulgar Pigboy Quotes
"Beginning today, this show no longer
has any reason to exist."
-- Opening comments, today's show
Every single time Rush says, "My critics say I'll have nothing
to talk about after Clinton,"
he launches into a tirade about Clinton's cock. If you saw the
nonaugural coverage on Fox,
they spent half of Saturday grabbing yet again for Clinton's
cock.
They can't let go.
For Fox News and Pigboy, Clinton's cock is Mother's Milk.
They will not stop suckling at it.
Kate Hudson was a big winner last night.
She won Best Supporting Actress for Almost Famous
even tho she was the movie's most prominent female.
NonAugural Report
by Christian Livemore
Great Presidential Quotes
"Due to a small but significant clause in the
U.S. Constitution,
I will be out of the office from January
21, 2001 until January 20, 2005."
-- message Al Gore left on the machine at the VP's
residence
From Friday's USA TODAY
Among the problems Smirk faces is the hate in Washington.
"Adding to the bitter tone has been
the rise of Rush Limbaugh and other conservative
radio talk-show hosts and the creation
of two additional all-news cable TV channels.
That has turned politics into round-the-clock
combat in which pundits debate each
development, partisans hurl nasty charges
and the media suspect politician's motives."
First of all, screw you USA TODAY for acting like you're above
it all.
Your muck-raking, slimeball columnists are the worst outside
of hate radio and Fox News.
Second, you've given Resident Smirk a free pass by not asking
about the abortion,
not asking about the cocaine, not asking about deserting
his post during wartime,
not asking the truth about his multiple arrests, and all the
rest.
The media doesn't suspect all politicians - only the Democrats.
USA TODAY - thy name is whore.
Great Resident Quotes
"As you know, I campaigned as a pro-life candidate,
I understand people who disagree on this issue.
But I think that it is very important
for us to be conscious of the value of life in our society."
-- The Unelected Smirk
Fine, Smirk.
Explain the "value of life" to your mother and your wife, you
incompetent fool.
...and remember your daddy was pro-choice until Von Reagan dangled
big-time political power
in front of him. George Herbert-Herbert
Bush caused a sonic boom when he suddenly switched
from pro-choice to pro-life in less than 6 seconds in August
of 1980.
"Fuck those women," was his exact quote, I believe.
Matter of fact, if any of the nine people Reagan preferred to
your dad had said, "Yes," to the VP slot,
he would not have abandon women's rights and would still
be pro-choice.
So you were brought up by parents, "who didn't know the value
of life in our society,"
and then you married a woman "who doesn't know the value of life
in our society.".
Great Former Democrat Quotes
"A Republican president ought to be able to
appoint people of strong conservative ideology."
Sen. Russ Feingold, (R-Needs to see more Monica evidence)
about Aryan Ashcroft
Yeah, like they'd green light to Attorney General Barney Frank
Russ, go ahead and get out of the party.
We don't want you anymore.
What did Smirk do his first day in illegitimate office?
He took the day off, proving he's even lazier than Red-Ink Reagan.
Former bartcop.com leg-up girl Julia Roberts won a Golden Globe last night.
I told her when she agreed to pose for bartcop.com
that she might be discovered.
Good for you, Julia.
Great Hollywood Quotes
"I am the illegitimate love child of
John Ashcroft."
-- Clooney accepting his Golden Globe last night.
"I'm just glad I'm not under a table
somewhere."
-- Robert Downey Jr, last night, doing his Bernard Shaw impression.
News from
Now, the DRUDGE REPORT can reveal, President Bush
is considering hiring Linda Tripp.
Bush's father asked his son this weekend if there
is anything that can be done to help Tripp, according to sources.
Tripp began working in the White House under former
President Bush. She stayed on after Clinton
took office, receiving a political appointment,
pay raise and a new job at the Pentagon in 1994.
"We have to do something for her," one of Bush's
top advisers said this weekend in Washington.
"We have to make this right. We have to do it
quickly."
Linda Tripp has told reporters President George Herbert-Herbert
Bush
had a secret girlfriend named Jennifer.
By all means, hire her, put her in the White House and
tell her your secrets.
The Unelected President
How George W. Bush Stole the White House from
America's Voters
by Harvey Wasserman
From: sniper@cei.net
Subject: Mirror Site
When it comes to this computer thing, I know less
than you .
But, you need to see if someone knows how to
set you up a mirror site out of country
for when the Secret Service comes and takes your
computer..
Sonny, it would be great if you were kidding...
Katherine Harris Belle of Republican Ball
WASHINGTON (Reuters) - Florida Secretary
of State Katherine Harris was
canonized as the Joan of Arc of the Republican
Party on Saturday night, in a
triumphant onstage appearance at her home state"s
inaugural ball.
"In France it was Joan of Arc; in the Crimea it
was Florence Nightingale; in the deep south
there was Rosa Parks; in India there was Mother
Teresa and in Florida there was Katherine Harris,"
said singer Larry Gatlin as he introduced Harris to an adoring crowd of Florida Republicans.
Elegant in a low-cut strapless black taffeta
evening gown, Harris took to the podium to loud cheers
and whistles -- only minutes after Smirk finished
his traditional inaugural waltz with the First Lady.
"We just thank you so very much for your
prayers, your letters of support, your
flowers, your encouragement during the count
and the recount," Harris said.
"And today we have a president of the United States.
It is going to be a great next four years -- eight years.
God bless America." With her trademark
flowing locks, unusually thick makeup and unswerving devotion
to the Bush family, Harris became a central character
in the protracted post-election drama.
For the inaugural ball Harris wore only subtle
makeup -- although the generous mascara remained -- and enjoyed
being likened to a Catholic Saint (Joan of Arc),
nurse Florence Nightingale, revered civil rights activist Rosa Parks
and the late Catholic nun and champion of the
poor, Mother Teresa of Calcutta.
Where's my bucket?
Bush"s brother Jeb, the Governor of Florida, was
also mobbed by the crowds at the inaugural ball,
but he made no appearance onstage. "I"m pleased
and proud," Bush told Reuters of his older brother's
inauguration as 43rd President.
"I"m also pleased to be here with all of my friends from Florida because we made it happen."
He's telling the truth, there.
He and Katherine Harris and Top Dick Tony "made it happen."
By Ashcroft’s Standards, He Ought
to Be History
by Joe Conason
From: ChuckGardner@worldnet.att.net
Subject: Illegal take-over of the government
So you and your lying, traitorous father have succeded in hijacking
the government, for now!
In the name of restoring honor and dignity to the white house, we have
allowed a lying, cheating,
thieving, alcoholic, coke snorting deserter to illegally seize the
presidency.
Seventy-five percent of the electorate chose NOT to vote for you!
You are utterly unfit for public office.
Other countries have been able to purge themselves of illegitimate
rulers, and we can too.
It seems to me, that the urgency of our need to be rid of you outweighs
the need for discretion.
You are NOT my president!
I do not intend to cooperate or compromise with an incompetent boob!
I will be, in fact, I am doing
everything in my power to see that your time in office is as brief
as possible! Like your father,
if you had any honesty or integrity you would not now be insulting
every decent American by
holding the white house hostage to your perverted agenda.
You hold office illegally.
I demand your immediate resignation!
A word or two from a viewer
http://home.swbell.net/jekenn/crime_coup.jpg
From: kebo72@hotmail.com
Subject: The government in exile
So, now that Smirk IS (at least holding the office
of) President, I wonder what will become of the Democrats!
It seems our "democrats" in congress have shown
themselves to be bootlickers of the worst sort,
Toricelli is the WORST. I suppose we have
to set up the underground, much like France in WWII.
It will be trickier to keep within the law, but
I believe we have shown ourselves to be more respectful
for the law than the "Party of the Rule of Law".
Let's have a look at the situation:
Every government post, period, is in Republican
hands, and they smell BLOOD!
Wanting to undo all the progress of Clinton/Gore.
The Media is also their willing distortionists.
So who is left to fight for us?
A few brave freaks, like The Bartcop and others
who won't be silent.
Be careful, man, the Republicans have the internet's
number, and I'm sure you are on their shitlist!
I turned the T.V. off as soon as I saw Wondermonkey
take his oath from the hack who "arranged" it,
having no interest at all in hearing what he
had to "say". I found it comfortingly ironic that
"The AMC Classic Movie Network" ran an all-day
"Day of Darkness" filled with grade-b vampire flicks.
YOU GO BARTCOP!
The nation you save might wind up being our own!
Kebo
From: houstonwade@dork.com
Subject: You need mass media
Hey, BC!
I think you need to team up with fellow liberal
media-related people and create your own media conglomorate.
You should first get an agent and have them book
you spots on Bill Maher and other shows in that genre.
After that gives you some legitimacy you should
write a book, team up with rackjite
or someone as a co-author,
and ask people to write short essays to be included.
Once your book is published you should be ready to be
a regular "consultant" on MSNBC because by this
time you would have a good agent and publicist and your
own research staff. Then Disney will offer
you a radio show in California, New York or the Pacific Northwest
where you can have an audience to build a base.
It is then on to national sindication and a weekly newsletter
that all liberals use to pound the crap out of
conservonazis on a daily basis.
I think the title of you book should be: "How
to win an argument with a conservative (caveman)."
Al La, Rush is a dufus.
Good Luck, I would love to join your staff when you require the use of one.
Houston Wade
Houston,
Every week when I check my PO Box, I look for the letter from Dreamworks
or Clear Channel Communications - so far, nothing.
I need to grow the hammer higher...
http://home.swbell.net/jekenn/
Maureen Dowd - She hates
everyone
It's Smirk's turn, now.
From: eraofdarkness@cornell.edu
Subject: Volume 143
I went and read Volume 143, and you're right,
it was fuckin' awesome.
Do you know what date it was from?
It was chilling, though, your prediction about
how Gore couldn't lose.
You were right, in a way, but yet so horribly
wrong.
And he shouldn't have lost, but I blame the media
as much as I blame him.
Y'know, when I first started reading your comment,
"But it wasn't a real
crime, because it didn't involve Clinton's cock,"
I thought it was a bit out there.
But the more I read of Bartcop.com and any other
site concerning what the Rs get away with,
the more I am forced to agree. I think
some allowance can be made for things that concern
Clinton but not his cock, but mostly, you seem
to be right. The world truly is inexplicable.
I've even told my father this, as much as it's
weird to ever say such words to a parent.
I think it was in an article you linked, that
the press has become play-by-play commentators
rather than defenders of truth. This really
hit home with me, and it's so on-target.
I couldn't actually believe that all journalists
were controlled to such an extent by their
conservative corporate masters, but I didn't
know what other explanation there could be
for their failing to speak truth. But this
is it. The answer is that they think they're there to
be fair rather than be right. They act
as if both sides were equal, as if there was no truth.
They'll get "experts" on either side, even on
*factual* issues like who a tax break goes to.
Sometimes such an experts will disagree, and
the media will leave it at that.
They'll never say, "We've done an independent
analysis, and we've discovered that this is true."
Because they cannot be intelligent in their own
right, and taking a position, even one rigorously
supported by *fact*, would be prejudicial.
I remember something I saw on C-Span, this guy
was talking about his
book, how he was trying to portray an issue fairly.
He said a man said
something that has haunted him: "What if being
fair isn't right?"
Beth
Never "F" with Margaret Shemo
Just a reminder...
With the bad guys in charge,
we all need to be pulling on the same rope.
World Wary of Bush Presidency
from jack@democratic-alliance.com
As Snippy takes his first big turn on the global stage, the outside
world is proving itself a tough audience.
Smirk's coronation as America's 1st Resident on Saturday drew the customary
expressions
of good will and good wishes from world leaders - but in most countries,
news coverage of
the event ranged from indifferent to sharply critical.
Around the world, much of the commentary in Sunday's newspapers centered
on the new
resident's perceived lack of experience in foreign affairs. The Taipei
Times, an English-language daily,
quipped that the new resident's "knowledge of the world has been shown
to be, shall we say, modest."
In Britain, traditionally the closest U.S. ally, some observers suggested
Snippy's residency would
do little to bring America closer to Europe - or the rest of the world.
"The day George W. Bush was sworn in, the Atlantic doubled in width,"
said an opinion piece in the respected Observer newspaper.
The paper's lead editorial, focusing on what it described as the deeply
held conservatism of
some key Whites-only House appointees, was headlined: "Beware Bush's
American Dream -
This President Is Not To Be Trusted."
As far as many overseas were concerned, Dumbya will have to work hard
to emerge from the shadow
of his father, former resident George Bush. Writing in Britain's Independent
newspaper, author Will Self
referred to him as "boy George," and the dynastic theme was heavily
emphasized in coverage elsewhere as well.
"George W. Bush Inherits the White House," said France's weekly Le
Journal du Dimanche, illustrating the story with a photo of Snippy
kissing his mother, Barbwire, on the cheek, his arm around his father.
Le Journal du Dimanche's editorial expressed concern that the new Republican
Whites-only House
could usher in an era of withdrawal from world affairs - as symbolized
in particular by the national
missile defense system Bush favors.
"It is not healthy that a great world power renounces participation
in world affairs," it said.
"The world has nothing to gain from the isolationism of the United
States."
After weeks of intensive worldwide coverage of America's drawn-out electoral
battle, some news outlets
appeared to be suffering from Smirk fatigue. In Russia, ORT television,
the only channel seen throughout the
country, did not even mention the inauguration in Sunday night's newscast.
Britain's more serious newspapers all played the inauguration on Page
One, but its tabloids favored the saga
of U.S.-born twins adopted over the Internet and seized by social workers
from their prospective British parents.
In many commentaries, the lack of a clear-cut electoral mandate was a much-emphasized theme.
"Seldom in the past has the arrival of a new president in the White
House been accompanied by so many
questions as those hanging today over George Bush," Greece's Kathimerini
newspaper said.
Still, some were optimistic about Snippy's ascendancy.
Iran's foreign ministry spokesman said in remarks published Sunday that
his country will respond if Dumbya
takes steps to rebuild relations. Hamid Reza Asefi said there was a
"good opportunity" for improved ties
with the United States under the "Lyin' King".
In both Israel and the Palestinian lands, there have been repeated expressions
of concern in recent weeks
about Snippy's expected low level of involvement in the Mideast peace
process, in contrast to Clinton's deep
personal involvement. Coverage of the inauguration, however, was largely
brisk and straightforward.
In Asia, South Korean officials said they expected the Dumbya administration
largely to stay the course of
engagement with North Korea. But they were uneasy because the GOP has
traditionally been tougher than
the Democrats on the North's Stalinist regime.
The Smirk administration "should not pour cold water on the thawing
of the Korean peninsula
by excessively pushing the North, which has just begun to open its
door," South Korean daily
newspaper Kyunghyang said in an editorial.
In Taiwan, there was hope that Snippy will be more willing than Clinton
to provide military assistance,
because the GOP is perceived as favoring the island's interests over
those of rival China.
But The Taipei Times newspaper worried that the new leader would be
too influenced by his father, who was
thought to have taken a lax stance toward Beijing after its 1989 crackdown
on student protesters in Tiananmen Square.
In Africa, analysts and government officials have expressed fears that
the region will be far
from a top priority. Sean Jacobs, an analyst at the Institute for Democracy
in South Africa,
said Sunday that it was clear the new administration intended to adopt
a far more hands-off approach.
For example, he said, Snippy's team was "showing no interest in getting
involved
to solve the crisis" sparked by the assassination of Congo's Laurent
Kabila.
Another Inaugural Address
by Chef Cindy
http://home.swbell.net/jekenn/
..............................BartCop
Store...................................................
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Read the Previous Issue
It had everything - wheelin', dealin', pardons, and Jenna's top falling.
Copyright © 2001, bartcop.com
Thanks for the fumble,
Dude.