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The Job, with Denis Leary continued it's schizoid
tendencies, half brilliant/half dweebfest.
He couldn't figure out why Elizabeth Hurley would suddenly kiss
him in front of the papparazzi that she,
herself, called to take the picture. If a girl like Liz ever
forces a big wet kiss on Ol' BartCop.
I'm going to get my back to a wall and cock The Baby - cause
sumpin's up.
Did you see the very unfunny Jerry Seinfeld on Letterman? It was
sad.
Just a few years ago, he was Mr. Show Business, and now he's
not even funny.
Oh, he had a laugh or two, he wasn't as bad as Rodney Dangerfield
was recently on Leno.
(Did you see that sad spectacle? Two of the first three sentences
Rodney said in his stand-up were
"What am I doing? Where was I?") But back to Seinfeld
- he gets the Bad Timing Award.
At the end of his less-than stand-up, he said, "What's the deal
with that Jerod guy on the Subway
Sandwich commercials?" which got a big laugh, because everyone's
seen that ad 1,000 times.
But then Jerry goes off on this ugly rant about what a "disgusting
loser of a pig" Jerod was.
The crowd didn't seem to like it, so Jerry closed with a wimper
and half-applause, and then Dave
goes to a Subway Sandwich commercial featuring the "disgusting
pig" Jerod.
Jerry - you didn't stay away long enough. You left us wanting less.
Instant Quiz
The Set-Up
Court Backs Convicts on Disclosure
Whore City (AP) - The Whore Court has ruled
that convicted killers in Carolina have the right
to tell jurors there is no chance of parole
if they are sentenced to life in prison instead of death.
The 7-2 ruling was a followup to the justices'
1994 decision that said keeping such information from
jurors in some cases violates defendants'
due-process rights.
So, here's the deal: The jury was scared to death of this monster,
and were led to believe he'd get
out of jail someday so, to be "safe," they came back with the
death penalty. The truth is, he was
going to be sentenced to life without the possibility of parole,
but the Carolina judge refused,
when asked point blank by the jury, to admit he'd be put away
forever with either sentence.
The Whore Court reversed the death sentence by a 7-2 ruling.
That's the first half of the Instant Quiz.
See if you can tell where I'm going.
(answer three blocks down)
NRA Opens Second San Diego Branch Office
...developing
From: Keithjoy@aol.com
Subject: Hannity
I can't believe this guy is actually Irish....he
and O'Reilly should move back to Ireland so that
they can be right-wing and gets their candy asses
kicked every day by some real Catholic Irishmen.
..his mom must have been screwing a Brit...
Consensual sexual daliances involving Mel Reynolds
or Jesse Jackson are BIG NEWS to him,
but hundreds if not thousands of nuns seduced,
raped, sodomized, and made to have abortions isn't?
Guess that proves that none of the priests were black or democrats.
Instant Quiz
The tip-off was the 7-2 division on the court.
The second I saw the 7-2 split, I immediately knew who the heartless,
self-important,
ego-maniacal son of a bitch (and his clueless groupie) was.
Tony (Three Fingers) Scalia and his trained
ditto-monkey Slappy thought it'd be real cute
to have this scumbag put to death even tho the jury didn't want
that as their first option.
Why should Scalia want this guy dead?
Why would Scalia back the judge-in-the-wrong?
Why would Scalia have something to gain by killing this guy who
the jury wanted
to put in prison for life - but the Carolina judge refused to
give them information?
.
I don't know much about this case, I didn't even read the whole
story.
I didn't need to.
The fact that there was an outrage on the Whore Court, and there
was a 7-2 split,
told me everything I needed to know. Scalia and Slappy are living
in their own little world
where things like the law and legal precedent are nothing more
than obstacles to their wishes.
They're not even ashamed of stealing the American voter's right
to choose their leaders.
These two crazy bastards flaunt the law worse than an oil company.
You watch - any time you see the court slpit 7-2, it's the power-mad
dictator
and his pet ditto-monkey, Clarence Slappy Thomas.
We need to amend the Constitution to allow ten-year maximum on judicial crime sprees.
From: thebird@thebirdbath.com
Subject: The Little Boy
A poor little boy wanted $100 badly and prayed
for two weeks, but nothing happened.
Then he decided to write a letter to the Lord
requesting the $100.
When the postal authorities received the letter
addressed to The Lord, USA,
they decided to send it to Washington where it
ended up in The White House.
Smirk asked Cheney to read the letter to him while
he laughed and made fun of the poor.
Cheney, however, felt a twinge of guilt for making
$25,000,000 last year so he
instructed his secretary to send the little boy
a $5 bill.
Days later, the little boy got his envelope with
the DC stamp on it.
He was delighted with the $5 so he wrote a thank
you note to the Lord, which read:
Dear Lord,
Thank you very much for sending me the money.
However, I noticed that for some reason you
sent it through Washington D.C.
and our stupid Commander in Thief must have
stolen the other $95...
From: lkilbride@mindspring.com
Subject: Hahahahahaha....
You wrote:
> I caught a few minutes of Hannity and Stooge last night.
> What was the topic? Mel Reynolds - again!
> You know why? Cause he's black and blacks are all perverts, didn't
you know?
Hey BrapCrap!
Mel Reynolds' story came about with the pardon
a couple months ago.
It is not 6 years ago.
Hello!
Anybody awake in there?
Jesse Jackson is a hypocrite, a fake,
a phony, a fraud.
Not only that, he is a shil for the Democratic
Party and his organizations are front organizations
generating funds for the Democratic Party; just
subsidiary companies of the Dems, you moron DungPoop!
Guess what?
Jesse is the racist and you, BurpShit
are racist, too.
READ YOUR RACIST HATRED in every day's
episode of JerkFart.com.
You point the finger the other way. It
is YOU who are bigotted and racist.
Not whom you accuse. Other than that you
are a fine fellow.
ha ha
Give me a break about the cartoonist strike.
The guy is obviously a hack amateur.
No talent, not funny, demented.
You lied again, just like you always do!
Larry Kilbride
Smirky Expels 51 Russian
Diplomats, Rattles Saber, Looking for War
"Crazy son of a bitch is likely to get us all
killed,"
said one observer.
As the stock market plunges another 300 points, Smirk looks
for ways to
start a war in an effort to reverse the "Clinton Peace and Prosperity"
era.
Many, many times during the rigged campaign, the man-child promised
he would
"take America in a different direction," than the previous president
had steered.
So far, it's the only campaign promise he's kept.
The Simpleton in Chief is ousting 51 Russian diplomats in an effort
to re-start the Cold War
so horseshit fantasy
projects like Star Wars will appear to be needed by the easily-led.
The Bush tantrum is the largest and most provocative diplomat
expulsion in a decade,
further clouding dealings between the shaky new boy and Vladimir
Putin.
America, America - God shed his rage on thee.
Snippy has childlike temper tantrum over cell phone going off
From: peregrin@yahoo.com
This man is beginning to remind me of the Alcalde
from all those Zorro movies.
Does anyone remember Clinton's good humor when
faced with minor problems?
Goodbye.
Say hello to the ill-tempered outbursts of a spoiled
child cum totalitarian dictator.
Where is Zorro now that we need him?
Whore City (Reuters) - Meeting with casual stroller Ariel Sharon to
discuss his refusal to get
involved in the peace process, Resident Smirky declared war on cellphones
in the Oval Office.
"Who's in charge of the cellphones?'' Bush
barked, after a phone rang while he
was congradulating Sharon on causing enough turmoil to get himself
elected and jack up oil prices
Smirky doesn't like to be interrupted because it's so hard for him
to get his lil' train back on track.
"Gordon, are you in charge of the cellphones?''
he screamed at Gordon Johndroe,
Smirk's "No Cellphones" enforcer during the rigged campaign and now
an assistant press secretary.
Bush has been known to stop dead in the middle of a sentence, shoot
the owner of the phone
a nasty-ass scowl and make a public note of the violation to embarrass
the poor bastard.
While explaining his long-term goal of raping the American energy consumer,
Smirk's lil train
was derailed by the sound of a phone chirp coming from a paid-for reporter
in the Oval Office.
Americans Overwhelmingly Prefer Democratic Tax Plan
According to the latest Newsweek poll, Americans
overwhelmingly
- 73% to 20% - prefer the
Democratic alternative to the Bush plan:
a cut of equal or smaller size that would take full effect this year
and be aimed more at middle-class Americans.
So why haven't you heard this reported anywhere?
Because of the complete Republican bias
of the corporate media.
Here's another fact you won't see reported
anywhere but Democrats.com:
Bush's DISAPPROVAL rating is now 30%,
up from 25% a month ago
- which was already the worst rating for
a new President.
Here's our new campaign slogan:
"Bush - the more you know, the more you
disapprove."
Hey, I've said it several times.
Smirk and his reverse Robin Hood palns are a disaster.
Look, I don't need to get the credit for saving America.
Like Bill Clinton, I have my humble side.
(cough)
It's not important who thought of it first.
Just get some of that Clinton-surplus money into the hands of
the middle class
and factories will be humming like Ann
Coulter on a Billings homicide detective
after they find his lonely, severed penis in her hollowed out
bed post.
Tally Briggs / Actress At Large
From: ofadyingbreed@yahoo.com
Subject: Conservative reasoning never changes
Bartcop,
There they go again. In an article in the
NYT
The administration rejects the new EPA drinking
water arsenic standards because
""scientific indicators are unclear". This
is the same reason Bush gave for breaking
his promise on regulating CO2 emissions.
This is the same reason the Tobacco
companies gave for years when accused of selling
a highly addictive, highly toxic product.
We should fire all scientists and replace them
with
Texas juries, they always get it right.
ha ha
It's not funny, but it's what Tony Scalia wanted, and he counts more than the voters.
Only a Republican could say, "We need more arsenic in our children's
water."
It also gives Rush another excuse to say,
"Where do the Democrats get off accusing us of wanting to poison
the children?
That's hate
speech, calling us on legislation we've proposed or
blocked."
Quotes
"Her love for books is real.
Her love for children is real.
And my love for her is real."
-- Smirky, introducing his Surrender
wife Pickles,
and almost half the voters fell
for this walking handjob.
The "How will bartcop.com end?" contest entries are being compiled.
I tried to write a thing about the Rock
n Roll Hall of Fame broadcast last night.
USA TODAY said the second broadcast would start at 10 PM CST,
so I tuned in then
and got the end of the first showing, so the timing is screwed
up, then company dropped by
unexpectedly (I hate when that happens) so I onlt caught parts
of the deal, but I taped it.
Bono started off with a Hall of Fame Speech on Chris Blackwell.
The whole crowd was hanging on every word.
When it comes to great speeches, he's Chuck Heston, but without
the gun violence or a conscience.
Aerosmith - Train kept a Rollin'
Wow! Things just got real good.
ha ha
America does have a band that rocks.
That's from what, 1973?
Damn - remember how rock used to be?
That was the Golden Age of Rock.
Sidebar:
I need to commission a story about this
period in rock music.
Anyone out there, probably older, who'd
want to take on that assignment?
If you were into music when the Beatles
were still together, or know a lot
about rock history, send me an e-mail and
I'll explain the (non-paying) gig.
Maybe Johnny Angel would be a good choice?
Back to the Hall of Fame
Oh, crap, now it's Me & Julio Down by the Schoolyard.
Who's in charge of pacing and drama?
Geez, that energy drop was steeper than turn two on the Screamin'
Jesus at Six Flags over Ohio.
Aw, now, USA TODAY has screwed me up.
They said the rerun started at 10PM K-Drag time, but it's 2.5
hours instead of two.
Hey, USA TODAY, this was on tape. You couldn't get the
timing right?
They just started the replay with the cool Queen opening.
Brain handled the emotional vocals like a pro.
Have I ever said I was a huge Queen fan?
Saw the first tour in 1975.
To us, they were Zeppelin mixed with the Mormom Tabernacle Choir.
Time went by and Freddie started wearing bras onstage and it
was harder to relate to,
but the musical talent was always fantastic. Geez, even a song
like "Leroy Brown,"
which I'd ordinarilly despise, sounded good when they did it.
They did Liza Manelli-type songs with that hard rock punch.
Wow!
Tie Your Mother Down with
Dave G. and his Foo Fighters!
Is there anyone who doesn't love Dave for what he did for our
Dave?
When he sang, "Wecome back, Dave," after his heart surgery -
to me
it was the most emotional moment of a night filled with emotional
moments
with a man who'd just gotten his ass literally handed back to
him,
but who'd also rather die than let anyone see him have
that emotional monent.
Dave, if you ever need a hundred bucks, years from now, you call
me.
Steeley Dan is up next.
Never got into them, but always knew who they were and they were
hueueueuge.
I'm sure I'd have liked them more if I was into that jazz thing
when I was twenty.
(cough)
Oh, Cheesus - now we have company?
Hold on...
That's all I saw.
I'll watch the tape tonight.
Accuse Mail
From: jnagarya@888.nu
Subject: False
You know you received at least one comment on
the "Priests Rape Nuns" item.
Why do you assert opposite that fact?
And I note you don't post any Napster emails that
contradict and refute
your rejection of fairness in exchange for personal
gain at the expense of the artist.
Joe N.
Boston, MA
ha ha
My, your tone is snippy today.
I thought you were a good guy...
The short answer is there's a difference between what you send and what
I can read.
My work mailbox has 4700 messages in it. My home mailbox has over 7000.
But you say I won't publish mail from those who disagree with me?
The main purpose of the Chat and Post forum is so the people I'm "afraid
of,"
and "don't have the courage to face," can post their accusatory
messages.
Is there another personal, political site on the internet where the
host takes on all comers?
Is there another personal site that allows negative mail to be published?
Since this e-mail caught my eye, I went back and found your Napster
rant,
the one I was "afraid" to publish.
Subject: Stealing
If you were to sit behind the seat of the get-away
car while your buddies robbed the bank,
you'd be morally, ethically, and legally complicit
in the robbery. An accessory, at minimum.
If you held the door open for your bank-robbing
buddies, you'd be the same: an accessory, at minimum.
Napster is in the position of accessary.
Do you disapprove of bank robbery?
If so, why do you inconsistently approve of stealing
from artists?
(Who has been named in this thread? Metallica,
Ted Nugent--millionaires.
The millionaire recording artists represent the
tip of the iceberg.
Most recording artists are working stiffs earning
as much/little as most regular folks.)
Joseph Nagarya
Boston, MA
Joe, you have made an error.
I don't approve of stealing anything from anybody.
I've said a dozen times, that's not the subject we're talking about.
The subject is - we're past the point where "the stealing" can be stopped.
If the technology existed for you to reach inside a bank and grab handfuls
of money,
I wouldn't stand on the corner and scream, "This is wrong."
I'd suggest the bank take steps to protect themselves.
The technology to "steal songs" exists - nothing can change that.
From: jnagarya@888.nu
Subject: I Sent an Email About the Priests Raping Nuns Story
I won't bother repeating it.
Joe
Boston
I searched, that e-mail is not in my work computer.
It must have been downloaded at the house.
Since you "won't bother" to repeat it,
why the fuck are you screaming at me to answer it?
I suggest some cannibis therapy for you.
You're strung a little too tight.
That show where the women ran the world and the men were helpless airheads?
From: michael.powell@mindspring.com
Subject: All that glifters
"All that glitters" was the show; on during the
summer of 1977.
It was Norman Lear production, and the premise
was a complete role reversal of our so-called society.
God the mother creater Eve and Adam, women ran
the whole show, and men just looked good.
It wasn't even really played for laughs, the humor
was in seeing how rediculous our world is
when seen with the gender/power roles switched.
Have the BIIIGGGG Hammer of Truth thump the proto-facist of your choice for old Mikey.
Endit. M.
Who Invented the Internet?
The answer might surprise you, but then again, it might not.
Click Here to read all about it on Media Whores Online.
Excerpt:
"In 1991, Al Gore, then a U.S. senator,
proposed widening the architecture of NSFNET
to include more K-12 schools, community
colleges, and 2-year colleges. The resulting legislation
expanded NSFNET and renamed it NREN (National
Research and Educational Network).
This bill also allowed businesses to purchase
part of the network for commercial uses.
The mass commercialization of today’s Internet
is the direct result of this legislation."
but, ...but, ...but that's not what Tim the Whore said.
Tim the Whore said Gore was "a serial exaggerator" who
just made stuff like that up.
Tim the Whore wouldn't lie, would he?
Would Karl Rove feed his pet dog a story that wasn't true?
By the way, they do great work at Media Whores Online.
From: My Stalker
Subject: Dyer-Maker
Just thought I would check in to see if there was a Catholic boy in the treehouse today. Is there?
PS. By the way, I know you did that mexican girl.
[1] You were a boy
[2] You were young
[3] No adult supervision
[4] You were a teenage boy!
ALL teenage boys are horny shit-asses
with one thing on their minds.
Maybe not her, but you did a girl somewhere that
day, or your hand was very red.......
~Nena~
ha ha
If you continue to write funny, you can stalk me all day.
First, my "he or her" * (homage
to Smirk) stalker knows his or she Zeppelin trivia.
On the fifth Zeppelin album was the song D'Yer M'Aker.
(Not sure of the exact spelling, I'm not Gaelic)
The clueless Americans called the song Die-er Maker, which misses the joke.
The joke:
Dude 1: I took my secretary to the Caribbean last weekend.
Dude 2: Didja make her? (meaning "have sex with," which sounds like "Jamaica")
Dude 1: No, the Bahamas.
It's a dumb joke, to be sure, but it's a joke nobody in America got for a while.
So, when my stalker, (excuse me, my primary stalker) titles his/she
querie: Dyer-Maker
he or her is de facto accusing me of having
not been faithful on that fatefull three hour Mexican tour.
...a three hour tour.
ALL teenage boys are horny shit-asses
with one thing on their minds.
Maybe not her, but you did a girl somewhere that
day, or your hand was very red.......
is the scurrilous accusation leveled by
the stalkette.
Unlike that very polite lady we saw in The
Contender, I feel compelled to deny all charges.
Yes, much of what you say is true.
[1] I was a boy
[2] I was young
[3] No adult supervision
[4] I was a teenage boy!
Boys that age are pretty much walking zombies
in search of sex, thanks to God and his
known-thru-the-centuries sense of humor. Off
the top of my head I can only think of one or two
things that could distract a young man from his
sex drive but trust me when I say that hearing a
semi-conscious man moaning from the other end
of the darkened jail cell in a non-English speaking
country that doesn't recognize the United States
Consitution can flat-out kill a sex drive.
Believe it or not, I'd rather be in Texas than a Mexican jail.
By the way, I got your mail, and please don't send me your panties
to me in the mail
because if they were really tiny and really cute and smelled like expensive
perfume,
Mrs. BartCop might get jealous and throw me out - and
then we could be together!!
ha ha
From: gcnews@runestone.net
Subject: off the air
Bartcop,
I am a daily reader of your
site and just thought you would like to know,
WDAY am 970 in Fargo/Moorhead just announced
it was taking both
Limbaugh and Dr. Laura off the air starting next
week.
Interesting because this is the first all talk
show station in the region,
and one of the biggest. North Dakota is also
as right wing as they come.
Buchanan got five percent in North Dakota for
crying out loud, and carried a few precints.
Either Limbaugh and Dr. Laura are too liberal
for North Dakota or even the most right wing
of them all are getting tired of their lies and
distortions.
God I hope its the later!
C. A. Ray
CA, usually what this means is some contract has expired and they're moving to a bigger/different channel.
Or, ...maybe with Clinton gone, ...there's a movement back to sanity?
Nahhh...
Read the Previous Issue
It had everything.
Copyright © 2001, bartcop.com
Thanks for the fumble,
Dude.
