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..............................BartCop
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Bartcop.com
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Of course, Mulder traditionally dies at the end of every season,
so maybe they'll hokum him back to life an eighth time,
but it's too bad the same can't be done for this once-great show.
It's sad when you create a show that sucks, but it's
double sad to create a really good show - then whore it to death
for that extra nickle. The producers (and their heirs)
can never spend all the money they made from this show, but, like Bill
Gates and the vulgar Pigboy, having it all
wasn't enough - they had to have more than all, so they threw
away the faith the audience once had in them.
There's a word for people who sell their dignity for an extra nickle,
but I can't think of it right now...
Thank Koresh, when an X-Files dies, there's a West Wing
or a Sopranos to take it's place.
How Rush and Drudge Join
to Kidnap, Rape and Murder the Truth
by Dorin Kearns Goodwin (actually, my title)
Excerpt:
In his last public address, Lincoln called
on his countrymen to confer the right to vote to all black men
who had received an education or served
in the Union Army. In the audience that evening, John Wilkes Booth,
was outraged by Lincoln's talk of citizenship
for blacks. Booth vowed: "That is the last speech he will ever make."
Three days later at Ford's Theatre, Booth
carried out his pledge.
Well, what do you know.
The ignorant, whites-only, tobacco-whore ditto-monkeys of yesteryear
are exactly like the Rush/Hannity/Lott/Smirk/Drudge bastards
of today.
Surfing, I ran into a page about bloopers
on the old
Superman TV show with
George Reeves
Click on "S" to go there
The guy obviously put a lot of time and effort into his page,
so I sent him a note.
(I think people should always send a note if they get a kick
out of a page.)
Subject: Hey from BartCop
Just a note to say thanks for the fun page.
I'm 47, grew up watching George Reeves, and I appreciate your page.
I read thru the bloopers and laughed out loud. Seems like every time
there's a Superman marathon on TV,
I re-tape them all because every few years I have a better VCR than
the last time.
I do a political humor thing (bartcop.com) that's not too kid-friendly,
but have you ever
thought about doing a funny piece on Superman's technique when arresting
suspects?
In the episode where they discovered his costume in the closet, he took
the bad guys to the top of
Mt Everest and I'm sure he was totally shocked when they died
trying to escape - that's hysterical!
In the comics in the 60's, I've seen him fly suspects a mile
into the air and say, "Confess or I'll drop you."
Hell, I'd confess to killing the Lindberg baby under those circumstances
:)
But nice page, I had to write and say "hello."
bartcop
bartcop.com
Dave "Doctor" Gonzo on
Laura "Doctor" Unloved's Ass Getting Canned.
from AMPOL, one of the brightest spots on the web.
The top albums from the peak
era of Rock and Roll
by Ken Bailey
This is the second installment about the greatest music in classic rock.
We should have two more stories coming (right, guys?)
An open letter to the president...
"Please don't kill me..."
Subject: The end of bartcop.com....the
Revelation
by pamgreen@cac.net
Quotes
"Our energy policies will result in less
energy demand and a greater energy supply."
-- Spencer Abraham, who didn't know he was Arabic until
Smirk needed
another minority in his cabinet
to compete with Clinton's diversity.
This is true.
Mark your calendar.
A Smirk administration official has told the truth.
Even a Catholic with an IQ of 64 knows that if you triple the
price of gasoline,
demand will go down and the supply will rise.
Sililarly, if you triple the current price of natural
gas,
demand will go down and the supply will rise.
So, the Smirk Administration is telling us it's a win-win situation:
The consumers get gouged to death and BIG OIL enjoys triple
the profits.
Besides, fuck the poor, they didn't vote for Smirk, anyway.
From: madelynb@dontask.com
Subject: Opening day pitch out
Hi Bart
My sister Madelyn and I (Judy P.) love your site
and were reading about your offer
for any one with a sign saying hail to the thief
to be caught on TV during the ballgame.
I am afraid that the dubya loving media will
not show that sign, however if they all threw
something very messy at him such as pop, beer
or peanuts or better yet snow cones,
that would make the news and if lots of people
did that the secret service couldn't single anyone out.
Just a thought.
Judy
Now, now, ...as much as America loathes the Failure in Thief, we wouldn't
want to get locked up,
but it did remind me of something (I've been doing this so long, I
can't remember if I've
told this before, but) I call it the "Alexis Carrington" maneuver.
Remember on the old Dynasty TV show, Alexis had free reign over
Crystal's mansion?
Every time Crystal wanted to have a heart-to-heart discussion with
Blake or one of the kids,
Alexis would pop into the room, uninvited, and offer counter advice.
I suggested back then that
Crystal keep a mustard squirter full of runny dog poop nearby, so when
Alexis popped up
in her $20,000 formal gown, Crystal could just give her a quick spray
of dog poop. If she did this
enough times, Alexis would either show up in jeans and a t-shirt or
she'd stop showing up.
Now, Secret Service, I have expressly said not to do this, so
if it happens in a day or two
I want to be completely clear that I did not want this to happen
to President Dogshit.
Happy Birthday (71) to Grace Lee Whitney (Yeoman Janice 'Beehive' Rand)
One of my favorite Star Trek episodes was the one where the transporter
split
Kirk into two people; the nice, ineffective captain and
the decisive, lusty captain.
TV was so sexist back then, in early episodes, Rand would lay
out Kirk's clothes on
his bed, presumably while he was in the shower. That meant they
were doing it, right?
How Clintonian of the Captain!
So, the first thing lusty Kirk did was grab a bottle of Nuvarian
Chinaco and headed for
Yeoman Rand's sleeping quarters, which was risky stuff back in
1966, trust me.
Well, after a couple of gulps of that Nuvarian Chinaco
the
decisive lusty had
decided on some Yeoman Rand, and he was ready to "Make it so."
(Whoops, wrong Captain.)
Star Trek had a lot of sex in their shows. Kirk couldn't land
on a palnet of green women
without bagging at least one of them. I wonder - which did the
Captain break more often
- the Prime Directive? ...or some alien hymens?
I remember Bread and Circuses, (which was better than Gladiator,
by the way,)
the Pro-Counsel decided to kill Kirk, but since he was a warrior,
he sent a fine-looking
blonde slave girl to his cell to sex him the night before his
execution.
"Since you are a man, I thought you should
have one last night as a man."
The next morning, the girl is brushing her hair while Kirk is
putting on his boots.
Shatner said he couldn't believe the censors fell asleep and
allowed that scene in the final cut.
Then there was that terribly taboo kiss between a white captain
and his black communications
officer, Uhura. To make it extra kinky, the evil Romans
(again, diff episode) were using some
kind of mind control to make them lust against their
wishes! I've seen porno films with less plot.
So, America was faced with an early TV moral dilemma - what to
do about a white man kissing
a negro right on the mouth, right on the TV. - oh, my!
How did we ever survive?
There were only 88 episodes, but I'll bet Kirk got laid 80 times.
Maybe some Trekker out there would write us a story, listing
them all.
One thing's for sure, in Hardon Kenny had gone after Kirk's cock
like he did Clinton's,
I'm afraid poor Captain Kirk would've landed in the brig, because
Kirk was no Clinton.
There's a great Jeopardy parody at
http://www.toostupidtobepresident.com/shockwave/jeopardy1.htm
A DSL or cable hookup would help, but it's funny as hell.
Bush's myopia on AIDS prevention
By Loretta McLaughlin, in the Daily
Globe
WHILE NEWS REPORTS concentrate on lowering drug
prices to treat HIV/AIDS in Africa,
the rug is being pulled from under the most important
means of preventing its spread in the first place:
the lowly condom.
Ironically, the assault on the availability of
condoms is the inadvertent outcome of a move by Smirk
to make sure that no American tax dollars are
used to fund abortion. Bush issued an executive order
shutting off federal aid to overseas family planning
centers should abortion be so much as mentioned.
But across Africa, it is largely through these
local family planning centers that condoms are distributed
free of charge and coupled with rigorous anti-HIV/AIDS
advice.
In programs worldwide, condoms have long been
a mainstay of birth control. But condoms are far more
than a contraceptive tool. They are the front-line
weapon in the fight to prevent transmission of HIV/AIDS.
In the three Asian and African countries - Thailand,
Senegal, and Uganda - that have succeeded in reducing the
spread of the virus, prevention has relied on
massive distribution of free condoms by local family planning clinics.
Bush must be made to realize the potential for
dire consequences resulting from his ill-timed executive order.
Any reduction of condom availability in Third
World countries is far more than shortsighted; it is madness.
This writer, Loretta McLaughlin, must be new to politics.
She's forgetting one of the basic rules: If the dying are black,
old, gay or poor, the GOP doesn't give a goddamn.
Show me a time in the last 25 years when the GOP has voted one nickle
towards helping a minority.
(I take that back - the super-rich are a minority. I should learn to
choose my words more carefully.)
Show me a time in the last 25 years when the GOP had voted to fund a
program that would provide
aid to a predominately black, old, gay or poor population.
Bush knows thousands will die of AIDS because of his actions - but he
doesn't care.
Those victims didn't contribute to his campaign, and he didn't carry
a single African state in 2000.
Fuck them.
What do our allies say about Smirky?
Mr Bush has put US credibility
on the line
editorial in the London Guardian
Suddenly, in the space of two short months,
America, the 'indispensable nation,'
begins to resemble the ultimate rogue
state. George Bush's decision to trash the
Kyoto global warming treaty is appalling.
That it represents an enormous, possibly
definitive setback for efforts to mitigate
climate change goes almost without saying.
America is now confirmed as the unrepentant
outlaw, the dirty man of environmental politics.
If Mr Bush does not intend the alarm
all this is causing internationally, then he is even more
inept than commonly believed. Christine
Whitman, his environment agency chief, told him
this month that global warming 'is a
credibility issue for the US in the international community.'
She is right and he had better believe
it.
From: SuprmChaos@aol.com
Subject: Seattle Radio
There is a radio station in Seattle, KIRO (www.710kiro.com),
that has a woman
with a 'progressive' show, on the weekends (Erin
Hart, Sat & Sun, 9pm - 1am, pdt)...
For at least the last 3 weeks, you've been getting
a plug, both on the air, and in the chatroom.
I remain one of your fans,
Marty
The Asbestos President
by Maureen Dowd
Excerpt:
With the guidance of his regents, the Duke
of Halliburton and Cardinal Rumsfeld, W. has set off the specter
of
a mushroom cloud of carcinogens and carbon dioxide
emissions, nuclear power and "China Syndrome" fears,
rapacious drilling and retrenchment on women's
rights, the missile shield, spy tensions and the cold war.
What makes it seem sexy when a woman smokes?
If I was with Elizabeth Hurley, I wouldn't want her to smoke because
she'd
smell like an ashtray. I mean, why would a smoker even wear perfume?
But in print or on a movie screen, for some reason, it's sexy.
(Then again, Elizabeth Hurley could wear a gunny
sack and empty trash cans and seem sexy.)
Any psychologists want to take a stab at that?
Why is smoking sexy?
I Need A President
By John Cory
Click Here for the best version
Click Here for the forever version
Excerpt:
There is a pettiness to this White House that
cannot be covered by charm offensives or smiling poses.
Stature is being achieved in the tearing down
of others by whatever means necessary, and truth is held silent
in the false-witness and lies of the drooling
mob. Strength is demonstrated by the domination of the weak.
Power is wielded through fear mongering, and
leadership comes from the crack of the whip.
From: dss0782@yahoo.com
Subject: Smirk's freak news briefing 3/29
Hi BC:
The surprise press conference can be viewed and
heard in all of it's glory
on c-span.org,
recent
programs, Thursday, March 29, 2001.
Smirk is at his moronic best; fumbling, stuttering,
obfuscating, out right lying.
Reporter Helen Thomas skewers him, and later
he skewers himself with an ultra embarrassing
"misunderestimating" comment, but pretends he
was just tesing the reporters.
It seems like they were laughing at him,
not with him.
It is a bit long at 30 minutes, (if you can stomach 30 minutes of the imposter) but pretty entertaining.
The White House Correspondents dinner (with Bush
and his whores) can also be viewed.
He makes lame jokes about his arsenic plan, and
the attendees drinking water.
Clinton was hysterically funny last year, Bush
is just a dud.
Denise
.............
How well is Smirky's reverse Robin Hood scheme working?
E-Mail Us if You've Been Laid Off
By ABCNEWS.com
Have you been laid off from your job in the last
two months?
World News Tonight wants to hear from you.
As the economy slows, many companies have responded
by laying off a portion of their workforce.
In the last two weeks alone, Proctor and Gamble
announced 9,600 layoffs, while ADC Telecommunications
plans up to 7,000 layoffs. Delphi Automotive
Systems announced a staggering 11,500 jobs will be lost.
Have you lost your job in the massive wave of
job layoffs in the last two months?
You're not alone. And we'd like to talk to you
about it.
If you are interested in speaking with ABCNEWS,
please tell us about your experiences.
We are interested in learning how Americans are
coping under the pressure of layoffs.
Please provide a daytime phone number and/or e-mail
address only if you
would like to be contacted by someone from World
News Tonight.
Quotes
"With the Senate hanging on one vote,
this administration acts as if it has only limited time to do
as much damage as possible to
the environment, consumers, the non-rich and common sense."
-- Columnist Robert Scheer on the Bush
administration
Read the Previous Issue
It had everything.
Copyright © 2001, bartcop.com
Thanks for the fumble,
Dude.
