I read yesterday that Law & Order has picked their new Miranda Girl.

 Sidebar:
 Do you remember the Law & Order where Jack McCoy said he'd been to bed
 with every female ADA he'd worked with? What happened to that storyline?
 And if it's "not that kind of show," why bring it up?

 But wait, the article in USA Today said she'd be the  fifth  female ADA.
 I'd bet a bottle of Chinaco that's not true.

 Jill Hennessey, Carrie Lowell and Angie Harmon, right?
 Who could the fourth girl be?
 Does USA Today have their facts wrong?
 Newspapers don't make mistakes like that, do they?
 Even on the reruns, I've never seen anyone but those three.
 Any ideas?

 Anyway, McCoy's new assistant's name is Elizabeth Rohm.

 From the haircut, I assume she's a Marine, which will come in handy in New York.

 She has a dot.com too - http://www.elisabethrohmonline.com
 The pictures of her with hair make her look like Laura Palmer - without the plastic.

 One thing's for sure, she's got big pumps to fill,
 but no sense passing judgment before we see her work, right?

 But hey, what if the new girl is trying to overcome her lesbian past?
 Then, when Angie Harmon comes back to do her last six shows....
 

 Thanks to TK0300@excite.com for the tip on the dot.com

 Clinton has a web site
 But it's "coming soon" and "under construction."

 Click  Here

Bush-Whacking Energy Sanity
  by Jim Hightower    Attribution

"Crisis, crisis!" squawks Little George Bush, pointing to the rolling blackouts, skyrocketing electric bills,
and general energy mess made by California's deregulated utility corporations.

How does he propose to respond to the mess? Gotta pull out all the stops, he cries, demanding that
Congress let Big Oil punch holes and build pipelines in the pristine Arctic National Wildlife Refuge.
Plus, he says, we've gotta let the utilities churn out more pollution as a tradeoff for generating
more electricity -- gotta unleash American enterprise, is his line.

So, why does George W.'s energy budget slash the most enterprising sector of the energy industry?
He dumps more money into the failed approach of the oil, coal, gas, and nuclear giants, instead of
shifting to two cost-efficient, non-polluting approaches: renewable fuels and energy conservation.
Entrepreneurs and conservationists have teamed up to make dramatic gains using these two approaches,
creating more than $200 billion a year in energy savings so far.

These programs provide the biggest, quickest, and cleanest bang for the taxpayer's buck -- yet renewables
get Bush-Whacked with a 36% overall cut in W.'s budget. R&D funds for solar, wind, geothermal, and
hydrogen technologies are cut by half, and funds for implementation of these most promising energy sources
are whacked by 76%. At the same time, Bush is moving to kill new efficiency standards that would save a
third of the energy now consumed by air conditioners.

Bush's budget throws more millions at nuclear power -- a failed and flawed energy source that already
has sopped up $66 billion in tax-paid R& D spending. Nuke promoters, however, were very energetic
contributors to George W.'s presidential race, so it's payoff time.

To fight for energy sanity, contact Safe Energy Communications Council at 202/483-8491.

 One Mississippi, Two Mississippis
 State Voters Make the Argument Against Democracy
 By Ted Rall

 Click  Here

 Excerpt:
 The truth is harsh and painfully obvious. The only reason you stick a Confederate decal on your car or
 truck is to scream a big "f--- you" to passing blacks. The only reason you vote to fly that same flag over
 public buildings is because you think that "f--- you" ought to be the official state motto. The April 17
 referendum told black Mississippians that they are hated and reviled by their white neighbors.
 

 Ain't that the truth?
 Great article by Ted Rall.
 

 Y'know, I hate to give Dennis Miller credit for something, since he turned into Smirk's-puta,
 but last Friday he had the best line so far about Mississippi keeping their racist flag.

 "They say that flag is just a symbol of their heritage and not an insult to blacks?
   Yeah, right, and the swastika is just a plus sign doing cartwheels."

From: SuprmChaos@aol.com

Subject: 46% Ain't Bad...

Effing A!

If my gas bill only went up 46%.....

In December, it was $92.
In January, it was $212.
In February it was $347.
And in each month, fewer 'therms' were used than the previous month.

The media bitched & whined about the electricity rates, when they went up about 46%---that was deregulation.
But not a lot was said when a zero was added to the gas for heating, in sunny, southern California.
It was an 'open & free' market for natural gas.
Exxon/Mobil's revenues were up by only 44%...
 

Hmmmm....

Your bill went up 46 percent,
Exxon profits went up 44 percent...

Wanna bet the Bush family got the other two percent?

Bush Steps Lightly After Triggering Clinton Land Mines

"From beyond the grave, the Clinton administration haunts its successor.
  Initially, comparisons with former President Clinton almost entirely benefited Smirk.
  Lately, they've emerged as one of Bush's biggest headaches," the LA Times reports.
 

 I think we can expect that to continue until the end of time.
 President Weak & Stupid has no chance of competing with eight years of peace and prosperity.
 However, since the cock-hungry attack dogs are all on the right, Bush might end up
 with a peaceful four years, since the fake Democrats are too afraid to criticize him.

 When I first saw the headline, "Smirk Denies Aegis Systems for Taiwan," I thought, "fine."

 Had he followed through with that super-advanced radar system, it would've given people like me
 the right to scream, "There he goes again, provoking the Chinese to spur arms production."
 I was going to let the matter drop without much comment, realizing that whichever way
 Cheney decided to go would cause a lot of griping and criticism.

 But now the American whore press is building up Smirky again, talking about how "tough"
 he played "hardball" with China, when in reality he backed down - again.

 If the press's point of view is that they're lying to be good citizens,
 why did they spend so many years attacking Clinton when he did a good job?
 Why can't the press just tell the truth?

 Has the truth become a bad thing?

 Who knows? Maybe not provoking China is the smart move at the moment - I don't know.
 But why is the press fabricating another "big" victory for the boy who caved? - again.

 I guess I'll have to surf the outside-America newspapers to get the truth - again.

 Tally Briggs / Actress at Large

 How does it happen?

 Click  Here

George W. Bush is shown here at the summit of the Americas in Quebec City
wearing his new cerimonial headress presented by the Yale "Skull and Bones Society".
While attending Yale University he was a member of this elite society as were his father
and grandfather before him. In honor of one of their own being selected to the U.S. Presidency
the Society has bestowed the title of "Bonehead Emeritus" upon Bush. This is a title which has
never before graced one of the members of "Skull and Bones", and when asked why he should
be so honored, the society explained that no other member over their long  and illustrious history
was ever more deserving than Mr. Bush. Mr. Bush intends to wear this cerimonial headress to
all important Affairs of State so the world leaders in attendence will have no doubt as to who
they are dealing with. Americans will be able to hold their heads in pride when they see the
president wearing the headdress being introduced at future summit meetings with
the new title of "President - Bonehead Emeritus".

by tross@chartermi.net

 Speaking of getting raped by Smirky...

 I got my first quarter portfolio report (or whatever it's called.)
 In one of the accounts, I had $1300.
 It said 90 days ago, I had $1550
 It said one year ago, I had $1775

 You see, a year ago, thanks to The Clinton Miracle, that account had $1775.
 Clinton was good for the economy, good for America.

 Then in December, the reality of Scalia's crimes set in, and people lost confidence.
 Since the stock market works on confidence and expectations,
 my hard-earned $1775 quickly turned into $1550.

 When the size and range of Smirk's stupidity and incompetence became known,
 confidence and expectations turned my hard-earned $1550 turned into a mere $1300.

 I hate when that happens...

 One thing's for sure, four years from now, Exxon/Mobile will be bigger and richer
 than every non-oil company in the Forbes Top Ten.

 Gee, I wonder if I'll have anything left?

Does Bill Maher read  bartcop.com?

Usually something this long gets linked instead of on the front page,
but I think it's good enough to be right here.
And no, I don't really think he saw bartcop.com  and decided to "be like Bart."

I think all intelligent people should think this way.

This is the transcript of Bill Maher's April 12 monolog.

Bill: Good evening.
I'm Bill Maher, and tonight, I'd like to join the chorus of Americans welcoming back 24 soldiers who,
like all our military personnel, do more for this country than the rest of us but whose government
could not honor the one request they made while in detention.

They asked that we not apologize, which we most definitely did.

It was a pathetic 11 days of groveling and begging and inching our way from "sympathy" to "regret"
to "sorry" and then "very sorry" --

[ Pleading ]

"Very sorry!"

[ Laughter ]

We did everything but throw in an orange.

[ Laughter ]

Only politicians have the special talent of denying they said something seconds after they just said it.
Colin Powell's letter said we were "very sorry." And then he calls a press conference --
"We did not apologize."

[ Laughter ]

He's like a guy on the phone with his girlfriend, "Sorry, honey -- sorry. Be right home, sorry" -- click!
"Yeah, I told the bitch I'd be home when I wanted to."

[ Laughter ]

[ Applause ]

When did the United States become such a whipped husband?
The United States is begging China to take us back?
Excuse me?

You know, I know men are evil and crude. But sometimes, a little macho is what you need.
A recent poll revealed that almost twice the number of women as men wanted us to apologize.
And that makes sense.
Women are always saying, "Just apologize. Who cares who's right? If China's feelings are hurt, that's all that's important."

[ Laughter ]

Well, no, that's not all that's important. It matters that we did nothing wrong.
We were not wrong to be spying. I don't trust a Communist dictatorship.
I want to spy on anyone --

[ Light laughter ]

[ Applause ]

I want to spy on anyone with total control of a billion people.

[ Laughter ]

They could cause earthquakes by just telling everybody to jump up and down on the bed.

[ Laughter ]

And plainly, our slow-moving spy plane over hostile territory was not the party that wanted trouble.
It was their cowboy, hotshot, fly boy, Tom Cruise wannabe.

[ Laughter ]

Hey, his name was Wang Wei.

[ Laughter ]

He was an Asian driver -- hello! He was tailgating, we got rammed, and we're sorry?
Yeah, I am so sorry -- I mean, very sorry.  Ooh, sorry I said the wrong kind of sorry.

[ Laughter ]

I'm so sorry that your irresponsible hot-dog pilot got his ass knocked out of the sky while he was
trying to knock us out of the sky and that after you knocked us out of international air space,
that we had to do something in your country as rude as land.

[ Laughter ]

Where are the kick-ass and take-name Republicans when you need them?
Our soldiers, those guys, they were ready to do what it takes.
It's the people here with the yellow ribbons who don't get it priority-wise.
These guys are soldiers.

They're not tourists caught in a bad situation.
They signed up.

They're supposed to be in a bad situation.
They like bad situations.

[ Laughter ]

And this was hardly the Bataan Death March.
You know, our fly boys dubbed the place where they were kept the Hainan Hilton because --
...because it was the Hainan Hilton.

Who knew J.J. Walker was another Clarence Thomas?

Of course, J.J. Walker is just slightly more famous than  bartcop.com  these days,
but he is black, and he was a semi-big TV star when most of you were toddlers,
so what's the story about him being another Ward Connerly, anybody know?

He's on Bill Maher as I write this... attacking Clinton and verbally tongue-kissing
Laura the Unloved and Charlton Heston. He's more conservative than Tony Snow,
who's sitting there like a rusty-ass tin man since he doesn't own the microphone.

Republicans Seek Reagan Name in Washington Metro
 By Christina Ling

Whore City - Congressional Republicans, frustrated by resistance from the D.C. transit system,
vowed on Monday to force it to add Reagan's name to an airport Metro stop.
They want the station to reflect Reagan's name, even though this city's occupants rejected him.

But Metro officials have dug in their heels, saying that no local officials from Arlington County, Virginia,
where the station is located, have requested such a name change.

Rep. Don Young (R-grizzly) chairman of the Transportation and Infrastructure House Committee,
said he planned to introduce legislation soon to rename the station.

"We have got the marching orders to start putting together various options. The overall aim would
be to have the Metro stop and related information accurately reflect the name of the airport.''

But Washington Metro system spokesman Ray Feldmann said the cost of renaming the stop
would be $100,000, rising to $400,000 when factoring in changes to signs through the system.
 

I have a question:
That $400,00?
Who's money is that?

Would Saint Reagan, who claimed to detest government spending, want $400,000 of our money
thrown away on some useless gesture - something as trivial as new subway signs flashing his name?

Everybody in Washington knows where the damn airport is.

This is just some wacked-out Republicans trying to find different ways to spend Clinton's surplus.
That's right.
Thanks to The Clinton Miracle, we've got so damn much extra money the Republicans think
we can afford to throw almost a half-million dollars down a GOP-hardon rathole.

If you boys want to honor Reagan so damn much, change your party name to The Reagan Party.
They you can spend your own goddamn money re-fitting every "Republican Party" sign in America.

We don't care what you do with your money - just leave ours the fuck alone.

One other thing, and don't get me wrong here:
If John Hinkley's aim had been better, if we'd lost Reagan like we lost JFK, all of America would feel
different about your obsession to re-name every square inch of America after your hero,
but he didn't make that sacrifice.

No, he recovered and had a full eight years of spending our money.
Sorry to repeat, but whose money was that it Reagan spent?

Yeah, he went on to spend more money than every president from Washington-thru-Carter combined.
Now that Clinton's Miracle has saved us from the Reagan Error, you think we should take Clinton's money
and spend it praising the guy who caused the damn problems in the first place?
Ease back on the worship throttle, eh?.

Spend your own money honoring the man who declared ketchup a vegetable
so he could cut the school lunch program to pay for his tax cut to the super-rich.

Spend your own money honoring a man who refused to spend money on AIDS research
when that plague was still managable in size.

Spend your own goddamn money worshipping the man who sold arms to a terrorist nation.
We don't want any part of this.

Can't you guys do anything besides spend money and look backwards?

 Richard Pryor's 2001
   by Isaac Peterson

 Click  Here

Bush to once-busted students: Do as I say
  The ban on college aid to those convicted of drug charges is arbitrary
   -- and has more than a whiff of hypocrisy.
  By Alicia Montgomery in salon.com

Click  Here  for the forever version

 Excerpt:
When then-candidate George W. Bush answered questions during the campaign
about whether he had ever used illegal drugs, he refused to give a yes or no answer,
claiming that his past was irrelevant.

"I am asking people to judge me for who I am today," he said in a September 1999 interview.
"I hope it doesn't cost me the election. I hope people understand."

That nonanswer was good enough to get Bush into the White  House, but it wouldn't be
good enough to get him a student loan under his administration's higher education policy.

Yeah, it's great having unelected oil men occupy the White House.

 I forget...

 Is it illegitimate president or bastard president?

 Read the  Previous Issue

 It had everything.

 Copyright © 2001,  bartcop.com
   Thanks for the fumble, Dude.