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Bush
Actually President,
Nation
Suddenly Realizes
as seen on The
Onion.com
Excerpt:
"A few nights ago, I was watching The Tonight
Show, and [Jay] Leno was making
some typical joke about Bush--you know,
the kind we've all heard a thousand times
before--and I was thinking, 'Boy, wouldn't
it be bizarre if he actually got elected?'"
said Ocala, FL, homemaker and mother of
four Janis Niering.
"Then it hit me: 'Wait a minute--I think he was.'"
Excerpt:
Now it's obvious why Starr hid [the Shaheen
Report]. Shaheen concluded that Olson offered what amounted
to " 'free' legal services because he viewed
the client as a thorn in the side of a political foe."
Ancient history? Maybe to Senate
Democrats, but not to Tucker, who filed a motion last year to have his
Whitewater conviction set aside on precisely
those grounds: that Starr's prosecutors hid Hale's Arkansas Project
ties for the same reason they went after Tucker
in the first place--to conceal their star witness' role in a well-funded
dirty-tricks campaign involving Olson whose ultimate
goal was the ruination of Bill and Hillary Clinton.
The
Wicked Tao of Lee
by Maureen Dowd - she hates everybody
Ready
for Slime Time: Critics Slander Jeffords
by my good friend Joe Conason
Excerpt:
Poisonous accusations about Mr. Jeffords
have been spewed up by the same pundits
who routinely praise GeorgeW. Bush for
uplifting the atmosphere of Washington.
Their bile carried the usual aroma of hypocrisy.
“Changing the tone” was only a self-serving
slogan, the kind of cheap sanctimony
that winners forget as soon as they sense
they might be losing.
How to drive a ditto-monkey crazy
...make that TWO ditto-monkeys.
Courtesy of the Wizard
of Whimsy
Those Wacky Iranians, circa 1980
From the BartCop Sports page
Big Mac's back
The Cardinals' new No. 2 hitter admits
he doesn't know the bunt sign.
"I haven't looked at the signs in years,"
said Mark McGwire on Monday.
McGwire and No. 2 haven't been used in
the same sentence other than
a reference to McGwire hitting a second
home run in a game.
But No. 2 is where the Cardinals' slugger
was hitting Monday
for the first time in his career after
being activated from the 15-day disabled list.
"It is opening day," said McGwire,
who was making his first appearance since April 16.
And, as he seemingly does on most opening
days, McGwire hit a home run.
He also singled and scored another run
as the Cardinals beat the Milwaukee Brewers 6-2.
The Angry Burgher is doing a great job with the page,
but sports is too big for one man to handle.
You sports people need to contribute something.
From the Sports page:
It's a work in progress!
Any suggestions? Volunteers? Want to
write an article - maybe you should check with me
as everybody wants to write about the
Packers and Dolphins! I'm mostly harmless!
Also, any basic html skill?
You are needed! Email me: The
Angry 'Burgher
Haven't you always wanted to write about your favorite sport or
team?
Go to the Sports Page and send in your rants.
They're fighting back in the Netherlands
Now, if only we could get the Americans to fight for their own country.
Oklahoma just executed it's 14th inmate since executions have come back in style.
Oklahoma ranks third in executions,
...after the Bush Brothers.
Quotes
"Thank you all very much. General Hagee, thank
you very much.
Thank you for your warm welcome here
at the White House..."
-- President Weak & Stupid at Camp Pendleton,
not the White House
He's a poorly-trained chimp, is what he is.
He memorized, "Welcome to the White
House," and he says that to everyone he meets.
Oh, God, why have you done this to us?
Poll: 54 % of Americans know Smirk is Lying
Excerpt:
In the poll carried out just after Jefford's
announcement Thursday,
53% of Americans said they had doubts and
reservations about
whether or not Mr Bush was a leader they
could trust.
Pearl Harbor Talk
From: BoundsD@AllStatesTech.com
Subject: Downtown?
Then what the hell was Petula Clark singing about?
Downtown Tulsa?
ha ha
Quotes
"The Supreme Court substituted their
own personal views for the law."
-- Rush, second hour, whining about the flawed Casey
Martin ruling.
Yeah, Rush, ain't it a bitch when the Whore Court does that?
You didn't complain when they ignored the law and ruled against
Clinton every time in the Great Cock Hunt.
You didn't complain when they installed President Weak &
Stupid over the wishes of the voters.
From: The Dome
Subject: Web site
Greetings,
I have an on line comic called George the
Second and was wondering if you could add a link to my site.
Thanks,
The Dome
From the NY Story
From: kib@iname.com
Subject: Dip License Plate
Near as I can make out the photo is of a Tanzanian Diplomat to the U.N.
Country Code VG = Tanzania
Suffix D = United Nations Diplomat
Got this from this site.
It doesn't say anything about the numbers...it
might be the Ambassador to the U.N.
Or, if they're security conscious, he may
have some other number.
Pearl Harbor Talk
I got a nice e-mail from Ben Affleck, thanking
me for my positive review.
It may have been the only positive review
given to Pearl Harbor.
"You have a new fan," he said.
Remember how Ben and Matt got their start?
They sent their Good Will Hunting
script to Robin Williams,
and Robin answered with, "Can
I be in your movie?"
Yes, Ben, you can be in my movie.
From: DeElk@aol.com
Subject: Limbaugh
No one ever brings up how Limbaugh spent
the first year or two beginning
each show with "Day __ America Held
Hostage."
The right never accepted Clinton's election
even though he unequivocally won both the popular and electoral vote.
I think this attitude helped lead to some
of the violence, like Oklahoma City, against the government by giving
an imprimatur to the idea that the
government was illegitimate.
DeElk, how true.
Limbaugh spent years calling Clinton "illegitimate," but
now that his boy has won
over the objections of the voters he's a fucking
church mouse on "legitimacy."
Rush Limbaugh is a lying opportunist with an infected cyst on
his poorly-wiped ass
and if I'm lying, you can serve me a subpeona any day of the
week.
Let's me & you go to court, Pigboy.
Let's see who the jury finds more credible.
Let's see who the jury finds more honest.
Let's see who the jury finds more mainstream.
Let's see who the jury finds more human.
Pick a jury from Oklahoma, Massabama, Carolina, I don't give a
flying 'F."
The jury doesn't exist that I cannot convince.
Tally Briggs / Actress at Large
California Slumming
You aspiring writers and activists need to get to http://www.realjournalism.net/
and sign up your page so Marc Perkel can tell people about you.
If you have a complaint about the media whores, get to http://www.realjournalism.net/
CALIFORNIA
REAMIN'
by Greg Palast
George Bush's energy plan (if you can call it that) is not just
about lining the pockets
of his oil company buddies - it's about making California pay
for voting Gore,
From: (withheld)
Subject: Chinaco Anejo and the Bartcop Tax Plan
Hi,
Congratulations on the "Bartcop Tax Plan"
passing!
Secondly, after my girlfriend of 4 years
broke up with me yesterday,
I decided to try some Chinaco Anejo
to ease the pain.
Went to a place in Tempe called "Palapas"
and it was hopping, even on a Sunday night.
Salsa or whatever filled the air and the
small dance floor was packed with Hispanic-Americans.
I bellied up to the bar and asked for Chinaco
Anejo.
The bartender looked over his inventory
and then handed me a Tequilla menu.
I looked it over and sure enough, Chinaco
Anejo was on the menu for $7 a shot.
The bartender poured out what looked to
me like a huuuuuuge shot--but I wouldn't know
since I haven't drank "shots" since I was
a teenager.
Damn that was good! It took me almost 20 minutes to find my car afterwards!
I understand now why you are so gaa-gaa
over the Chinaco. It truly is heavenily nectar,
although I suspect it will take me a number
of months to recover from the pain of relationship breakup,
it was a nice distraction from the trauma
of the experience.
Cheers!
Keith
Keith,
Chinaco Anejo will never lie to you.
Chinaco Anejo will never break your heart.
Chinaco Anejo will never throw your clothes into
the street.
Chinaco Anejo will never run up $6200 on your credit
cards.
Chinaco Anejo will never tell your friends about
that one night.
Chinaco Anejo will never have nasty, hot-monkey
sex with your best friend.
Chinaco Anejo will never pack a .357 in your carry-on
luggage,*
then call the airline and tell them you're planning to hijack
the damn plane
You can trust Chinaco Anejo.
*Homage to the late, great Sam Kinison.
Ton o Mail and Toons
There's no place like bartcop.com
There's no place like bartcop.com
There's no place like bartcop.com
A
PLEA FOR HELP
by Isaac Peterson
BartCop's Lib'ral Hammer
click
From: lkilbride@mindspring.com
Subject: Reagan Analysis
"Reagan was essentially an opportunist
in the pursuit of power.
He had very little coherent political
'philosophy'. His focus was upon power.
In my view he is best seen as atavist,
a throw-back to an earlier society: the
'great conqueror' and would-be builder
of empire, not a modern pragmatic politician.
In a sense, he was born out of his time.
He was a brilliant stage performer who,
in a later part of the century, might
have ended as a pop singer or a successful salesman
or businessman. Reagan is, as with us
all, a child of his times. He is also an example of
the professional politician-not primarily
an ideas man, but an opportunist who will
'read the polls' and say whatever it
takes to gain and stay in power."
The author certainly has Bill Clinton pegged
accurately, doesn't he.
This is fascinating because if you are
a liberal or a conservative there is plenty to agree with.
Not much to disagree with.
The only flaw in the analysis is that I
told a little fib.
I substituted the name Reagan for the real
subject of the analysis.
The real subject was Adolf Hitler.
http://www.abelard.org/hitler/hitler.htm
Larry
Larry, good stuff.
That must've been hard for you, because I know at one time you
were a Reagan fan.
Welcome to the light, my friend.
Courtesy of The Diva
Click on the toxic "W"
Why
the Rush to Execute Tim McVeigh?
Maybe they don't want him to reveal
who he voted for?
Excerpt:
There is another dimension to the Oklahoma
City bombing that the political establishment has sought to conceal.
At the federal, state and local level there
are numerous political figures with close ties to the Christian right,
militia groups and racist and anti-Semitic
organizations—the very circles in which McVeigh moved prior to the bombing.
The Republican Party in particular has
close ties to such right-wing groups, and a number of Republican senators,
congressmen and governors have actively
solicited their support.
During the GOP impeachment drive against
Clinton, it was revealed, for example, that Bob Barr,
and Trent Lott had ties to the Council
of Conservative Citizens, a white supremacist group.
Really?
The GOP is run by white
supremacist handjobs?
Who knew?
I have lost the link to Bill Clinton's web page.
When you look for it with search engines, all you get is lawsuits
by money-grubbing, publicity-seeking sluts and cock-hunting,
white-power, tobacco whores.
If you find that link, could you let me know?
From: jonl309@yahoo.com
Subject: Monday's issue...
...really DID have it all. I just spent an hour
reading it and the links, and my oh my, what a great issue.
Smirk, Laura the Unloved, Andrew Sullivan, Cheney...mucho
dissing of people, for lack of a better
word, who so richly deserve it.
I'm still in hysterics over Mr. Bareback and his
POWER GLUTES.
How can I get POWER GLUTES???
(Snicker)
But the best line of the day has to be "In the 'Vagina Monologues,' you couldn't win a part as a genital wart."
It just doesn't get any better than that.
RE: NY. After living there for many years, I have
my good memories and bad ones as well. The Mets and
Yankees, for instance, fall under the latter
designation. NY pizza, however, falls under the former.
And you don't have to go to Ray's to get great
pizza there...any neighborhood joint will do.
The secret, as near as I can tell, is to put
fresh garlic on the bread before applying the sauce.
In my neighborhood in Brooklyn, there were three
pizza joints within a block or so.
It was TORTURE deciding which one to go to for
a slice. All different, and all great.
Oh, Larry Kilbride sent me a thoughtful message,
telling me I was insane and sick and whatever and that
he was BLOCKING ME from ever contacting him again.
Since he's the one who contacted me...well, let's
just leave it at, THANK YOU LARRY, you crazy nut, you.
Take care,
Pete Hisey
Pete, you are correct.
Andrew "Bareback" Sullivan is a nut,
Margaret Shemo is hysterical and
Larry Kilbride is a nut.
Astrological
Reading for BartCop
as determined by www.higherlevelastrology.com
Be sure to visit www.higherlevelastrology.com for all your astrology needs.
I shouldn't, but I'm gonna.
This is a picture of Sarah O'Hare.
She's a near supermodel who married Rupert Murdoch's son "Lachlan."
(If I ever had a kid, I'd name him "Lachlan."
Either "Lachlan" or "Hootie and the Blowfish," whichever is
more street.)
I'm not trying to make some big political statement here
about how supermodels
sometimes marry men for their daddy's money or to get
inside a hotter spotlight.
This is not about the imperialistic, reich-leanings of the Murdoch
Monster.
It's not about Newt's failed revolution and how Murdoch got burned.
I just think Rupert's daughter-in-law has a cute caboose.
Quotes
"Bush is unusually incurious,
abnormally unintelligent, amazingly inarticulate, fantastically
uncultured, extraordinarily
uneducated, and apparently quite proud of all these things."
-- Christopher Hitchens in Vanity fair.
Like that bitch Maureen
Dowd, Christopher Hitchens hates everybody.
Join
the Paul Harvey Fan Cluib
(You must pass a test to get in)
From: Pisto75666@aol.com
Subject: Question
I wanted to email you because I thought maybe you could give me your opinion on a few things......
1. I was talking to a friend of my mom's
the other day about the Iran hostages in the early 80's.
He says that the reason the hostages weren't
released until Reagan got into office is because the
Ayotollah didn't like Jimmy Carter and
wanted to wait until a Republican president was in office
before he let them go.
2. One of my friends is a Republican
and she was talking about Clinton, saying that he was the
reason that a lot of american soldiers
got killed during the war in Bosnia. I'm sure that's not true either.
(Of course she also brought up the subject
of Monica. and also the supposed trashing of the White House
and the looting of Air Force One, which
I pointed out to her never happened and which she had no response for.)
Sincerely
Kelly
Kelly, you came to the right place.
1. Yes, the religiously insane Ayataollah Khomenie didn't like
Jimmy Carter because
Carter allowed the dying Shah of Iran to come to New York for
medical teatment.
Khomenie very logically assumed the Shah was here to plot his
return to power,
so the hostages were taken - for no particular reason.
There was no "invasion" to call off, there was just a lot of name-calling,
("Great Satan")
and a lot of chest-thumping about how badly Iran could kick our
ass in battle, ha ha
but Khomenie came to realize that the hostages were gaining him
absolutely nothing,
and they were becoming a severe liability to him and his faith-based
initiatives.
While looking for a way to get out and save face, Bill Casey contacted
Iran and told them
if they would keep the hostages until after the election, they
would be rewarded with
planeloads of Stinger missles to help them in their war
with Saddam in Iraq.
So, your mother's friend is right: Khomenie didn't like Carter
at all, but he loved Reagan
and his team of perjury-riddled, Constitution-raping, arms-for-hostages
band of thugs.
Reagan's promise of missles from the future and his "never negotiate
with terrorists" horseshit
was just what Khomenie needed to get out of his jam with Jimmy
Carter.
Reagan saved the day - for the Ayataollah.
And all it cost was Raegan's dignity, his honor, his self-respect,
the rule of law, his word to
the American people2 planeloads of missles, and the continued
blindfolded incarceration
of 50 innocent, terrorized career-service diplomats. Since these
crimes had nothing to do
with Clinton's zipper, they weren't considered crimes at all.
After the election, Iran wanted to release the hostages right
away, but Bush and Casey
thought it would look better if Iran held those innocent diplomats
until January 20th,
so Reagan could start his "never negotiate with terrorists" administration
on a high note.
2. This is crazy talk. There were no "American
soldiers killed during the war in Bosnia."
Sadly, one ot two died in a car wreck and I think one committed
suicide, but none in battle
When in doubt, just remember,
"Clinton never sent a man into battle who didn't come home."
When you're young, ...and hopelessly in love,
there's only one thing that matters...
I forget...
Is it illegitimate president or bastard president?
Read the Previous Issue
It had everything.
Copyright © 2001,
bartcop.com
Thanks for the
fumble, Dude.
