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Jesus
Twin Largent to Resign House Seat
Whore City - Rep. Steve Largent (R-Religiously Insane)
said on Thursday he would resign
his House seat on Nov. 29 to become Oklahoma's governor.
"Why should I be one of 488 representatives
when I can be King of Oklahoma?" said the former
football star, who sustained multiple concussions going "over
the middle" for the Seattle Seahawks.
Largent, who fell into Congress during the Snoot revolution of 1994,
said he did not want to
bother with his seat in the House when the governor's throne awaits
him.
"The people of the 1st District can't get enough
of me. I'm God in Oklahoma," he told reporters.
"Hell, I'm in the Football Hall of Fame."
In Congress, he was known for his demand to abolish the IRS, even tho
he had no plans to replace it.
"Government should run on ideas, not money
from its citizens," said Largent.
Largent was lead sponsor of the 1996 Defense of Marriage Act, which
barred federal recognition of same-sex marriages.
He was also a staunch foe of women's rights.
"Most women are too stupic to make decisions," he said in 1998.
"Besides, if I go back to Oklahoma, I can ride bikes with my buddy Leslie," Largent told reporters
Entertainment News
"Swordfish," starring John Travolta and Halle Berry's breasts
hits theaters today.
As previously reported here at bartcop.com
Ms. Berry was paid an additional
$500,000 over her movie salary to expose her breasts because
the movie is a dog.
USA TODAY say her bare breasts generated the movie's only audience applause.
Energy News
California Gets a Reprieve as Power Prices Fall
Excerpt:
After months of doleful forecasts about
California's energy prices, the outlook has changed.
Electricity prices in California have fallen
sharply in the past two weeks, giving the state its
first breathing room since a year ago.
The reason for the sudden turnaround is not entirely clear.
Jesus Christ, of course it is.
It's clearer than Lake Concha.
Jim Jeffords is responsible.
When he left the Grand Old Fascist Party,
he took away's Smirky's monopoly.
Once the Democrats were in a position to
hold an inquiry into the California energy rape,
the gouging sons of bitches had no choice
but to ease up on their cash Niagra.
Well, ...look here!
Senate
Democrats to Investigate High Energy Prices
The New York Whore Times, June 8,
2001 Full
Story
Whore City - With Democrats now in control
of the Senate, its main investigating committee
will focus on high energy prices. That
will include conducting an inquiry into whether the federal
agency that regulates electricity markets
has been properly enforcing the law.
Duh!
The minute the situation could be looked at by honest people,
prices dropped.
This was nothing but a screw-California scheme from the beginning.
Payback, for the people of California dissing Smirk last November.
Smirky should be put on trial for allowing organized crime to do this.
We didn't ask for proof of the White House vandalism or the
stripping of Air Force One because we assumed Clinton was guilty.
Nucular Power
Don't you think any senator who's pushing nuclear power
should volunteer his state as a place to store the nuclear waste?
Same for Smirk n Dick
We should make Texas the first nuclear waste dump, say, near Houston
Quotes
"In a press conference today, Florida
Governor Jeb Bush denied rumors that he's
had sex outside his marriage.
Unless you count that screwing he gave Al Gore."
--Bill Maher
Cool Stuff!
Treasures
of Sunken Egyptian Port Revealed on bartcop.com
ALEXANDRIA, Egypt (Reuters) - Colossal statues, sunken ships, gold coins
and jewelry are among the treasures
newly uncovered by a French marine archaeologist in the submerged ancient
city of Heracleion off the Egyptian coast.
"History is materializing in our hands,'' said Egypt's Culture Minister Farouk Hosni, one excited SOB.
Quotes
"We are no longer fully in competition with
CNN,CBS, ABC and NBC -- notice I
put Fox News aside. We have the bully
pulpit. We have the presidency."
-- U.S. Rep. Paul Ryan from Wisconsin
Paul, you forgot to mention you have the whore press, too.
BREAKING NEWS from CNN.com
Appeals court denies McVeigh request
to delay execution.
Details soon.
Yeah, we're all shocked.
Why should the obviously-guilty confessed murderer need constitutional
rights?
I wonder what the odds are in Vegas of Tim getting his day in court from Tony Scalia?
K-Drag going Crazy with Tiger Woo-mania
(You didn't hear this from me.)
The souvenier shop at Southern Hills was open for three hours
today.
They sold almost $30,000 worth of Tiger crap.
That's $10,000 per hour in sales.
One dude bought seventy $17 shirts with "Tiger" on them.
Another dude bought $1100 worth of baby clothes!
That kid will be in third grade before he can wear all of that
crap.
Do you know about the passes?
For just $90, you can get a tree seat for one day.
For $275, you can get a higher branch for a week!
For $475, you're allowed in the clubhouse to wash Tiger's dishes.
Tiger snuck in Tuesday, played around, and shot a 7 under.
My golf buddies say Tiger has trouble at Southern Hills.
Not the course - they don't allow "niggers" at Southern Hills!
Oh, if only we had a local golf dude writing about this mess.
God with a nine-iron comes to K-Drag, where only Uncle OJ Watts
has been allowed to cross the race barrier.
From: ASFRMF@HOTMAIL.COM
Subject: Future in radio?
Hello, I have found you to have a very interesting
web site.I am a very
conservative individual and find that I disagree
almost everything you post.
But I still like the site. Anyway, this is my
first time to be here and not knowing
just who you are or what you do for a living
in life, I thought with all your opinions
on different subjects you sounded like a possible
radio host for a talk show.
Have you considered this?
Also, I loved the wish these were brains pic.
I'm still laughing!
Scott
Scott,
I accept your offer!
Yeah, I'd love a radio gig.
The best part would be letting every disagreer (homage to W&S)
speak his mind.
Sure, I think it'd be a riot, but that's just cause I'd like
it.
It just kills me that there are a hundred right-wing radio hosts and
hardly any liberals on the air.
One thing, ...I lie a lot, so I'd beat the liberal curse.
I make people love me.
I'm a uniter.
Tell me where & when to be there.
I'll even call you Mr. ASFRMF
Complaint Mail
From: RastaCyborgg@cs.com
Subject: Bartcop's Website
I'm sure you just put this link bc_pubshort@yahoo.com
on your website to
syphon off e-mails that you don't want to read
(criticisms), but I'll give it a go anyhow.
I discovered your website fairly recently and
I thought it was witty and hilarious;
but as of late it seems to have turned into a
typical "stupid argument" page where you are
constantly sparring with posts about pointless
shit.
The Casey Martin thing is pretty much over.
It was never a hill I intended to die on, but when the fight turned
nasty and personal,
it reminded me of that damn China plane. I felt I had to fight and
I couldn't give in.
Out of 490 issues, maybe 4 dealt with Casey Martin, so don't let the
little stuff throw you.
If you've ever seen two episodes of SNL, that proves you can forgive.
Also, one of the first Bartcops I ever read was
the one where you blasted Rush Limbaugh
about picking on Chelsea Clinton; I believe you
ended it with something like,
"She's a teenage girl you asshole, leave her
alone!!".
I think you should take your own advice.
It would be a mistake to think "All things are equal."
Chelsea was 13 when Rush called her "The
White House dog."
She was also crime-free.
By it's very nature, trying to get alcohol is a statement declaring,
"I'm an adult."
When a self-proclaimed adult commits repeated crimes, that's news.
The vulgar Pigboy dragging 13-year old Chelsea into his EIB septic
tank was a different matter.
I sometimes think that there is no Bartcop; that
there is a "staff" of people writing
what they think people want to hear (based upon
some stupid polls).
You sometimes think, eh?
I've lost so many "friends" this week, you might as well join the herd.
If "we" were going on polls, there would've been no Casey Martin defections.
By the way, "Pearl Harbor" sucked.
Thanks for that detailed review, listing your reasons.
You were wrong about the "siphon" mail box.
You were right about Casey Martin.
You were wrong about 13-year old Chelsea vs party girl Jenna.
You were wrong about "my staff."
You were wrong about Pearl Harbor, in my opinion.
You're wrong a lot.
From: mlnorris@bellsouth.net
Subject: Golf is a good walk, spoiled
This quote is inaccurately attributed to G.B.
Shaw.
It is actually a quote from our own American
humorist, Mark Twain.
Michael
Michael, thanks for that.
I like Twain.
He was a godless comic who spoke the language most Americans use.
Have you ever read that note he sent to the electric company?
He told them to go ahead and shut off the goddamn lights, because he
didn't give a flying fuck.
He said, "If you're going to turn out my lights
without notice, then just suck me."
Go Sammy!
How Bush
twin gave Secret Service the slip
by Ben Fenton in Washington
GEORGE W BUSH'S determination to keep his 20-year-old
twin girls out of
the glare of publicity suffered a setback yesterday
with the publication of
allegations that his daughter Barbara "shook
off" her Secret Service escort.
Barbara Bush: she 'urged the driver to top 100mph' to lose Secret Service escort
Mr Bush and his wife Laura have made clear to
the White House press corps that the lives of Miss Bush
and her sister Jenna are strictly off-limits
and transgressors have received harsh treatment from the White House.
But following a story in a student magazine at
his own alma mater, Yale University, where Miss Bush is a first-year undergraduate,
the President has found himself facing the same sort of problems that have
troubled former
occupants of the Oval Office.The story in the
magazine, Rumpus, alleged that Miss Bush had given the slip
to the Secret Service officers assigned to protecting
her. It said that she was travelling with friends from the
university in Connecticut to New York last month.
The Star tabloid added fresh details to the Rumpus
allegations, claiming that Miss Bush had egged on the driver
to exceed 100 mph and "lose" the Secret Service
vehicles.
You know what this means, don't you?
They were going to buy some dope.
What's my proof?
Don't have proof, but look at the facts: The SS will sit at
a nearby table while the Tequila Twins
break Texas law and use a fake ID to try to buy alcohol at Chuys. They've
admitted that.
They have no problem witnessing the Tequila Twins break the laws concerning
alcohol.
So why was it so important for the girls to give them the slip?
If the SS can witness alcohol crimes and keep quiet, that means the
girls were up to something bigger,
something that the SS might rat them out on, which would be
a higher-level crime than "just alcohol."
Were the party girls blowing dope?
Or something else?
From: Ragua@aol.com
Subject: California Energy "Crisis"
Hi Bart,
Just read the debate transcript about the supposed
energy crisis in California. The only thing you
have to do to prove that there is no energy shortage
is to ask, "Then why are those people who get
their electricity from publicly owned companies
having no problems whatsoever?"
The only people facing obscene prices and rolling
blackouts are those unfortunates in the "deregulated" areas.
If you don't get your power from a private supplier,
you're fine.
Nikki
Nikki, thanks.
As Johnny Carson used to say, "I did not know that."
What the hell, let's blame the press for not making that point,
and the weak Democrats for letting it remain hidden.
So weak, so stupid, even the GOP is grumbling
From: andybme@speakeasy.org
Subject: McVeigh
You said
> Tim McVeigh (R-Nitrate) has been denied a fair trial by our can't-make-a-mistake
government
> and will be executed even tho he did not get to face his accusers.
I agree with you most issues. But,
it was a fair trial at the time, he did face his accusers,
he confessed more than once and he deserves
to die. Can he prove that he didn't do it
with this new found evidence, I seriously
think not.
This is one that I back the goverment on
100%. As a matter of fact he had guilt written all over him
and should have been lynched. Fuck the
trial, his lawyers, the FBI BS and the appeal system on this one.
Andy B.
Andy, I understand your outrage.
But that was your heart that said, "Fuck the trial," not
your head, right?
When Ashcroft says, "He had a fair trial," it sounds as solid as, "Bush won the Florida vote count."
McVeigh is going to leave this world saying, "See,
I told you so," if the government
doesn't allow his lawyers time to sift thru that hidden-till-now
evidence.
I'm not saying we should let him go.
I'm saying we could give him another 30 days, give his lawyers
time to say,
"We've seen the new evidence and having
read all the papers,
we have withdrawn our plea to
stay the execution."
Besides, I was hoping the GOP posterboy would get encouraged and
want
to stick around and fight to stay alive - ...then
we could kill him.
Quotes
"Bush means Dick Cheney, Tom DeLay, and all
these fucking crypto-fascists
are gonna get in and start carving
up the pie and handing in all their markers
to the GOP that's been itching to get
back into power. I'm not saying I loved
Al Gore, but I'm saying I don't want
that fuck Bush in the White House."
-- actor John Cusack
Do the owners of Chuy's read bartcop.com?
From: Withheld
Subject: Save Chuy's From Freeper Boycott!
Freepers, radio talk show hosts, and right-wing-wackos
everywhere are trying to organize a boycott
of the Austin restaurant that busted Jenna Bush
last week. We should organize a counter "protest"
of support for law-abiding citizens such as Chuy's.
In fact, I urge everyone to counteract
right-wing-wacko economic terrorism by buying
a Chuy's T-shirt.
http://www.Chuy's.com/ [for low-speed internet connections]
http://www.Chuy's.com/Chuy's1.html [for high-speed connections].
Spread the word to all the anti-GOP/Bush/Right
wing media sites on the
web, and let's prevent the Freepers from causing
the Restaurant to
issue any more apologies for following the law!
Two things need to be said:
My mail tells me Chuys donated $11,000 to the GOP last year.
They aren't liberal, but yes, they should be defended.
Point two: "the Austin restaurant that busted
Jenna Bush."
Chuys did NOT bust Jenna Bush.
Jenna Bush was busted by Governor Weak & Stupid in 1997.
He signed the tougher drinking penalties, which most certainly crack
down
harder on any establishment who serves underage drunken party girls.
From: Judson_Kilpatrick@chcmail.com
Subject: Bullet the Blue Sky
This has always bothered me:
Musically, "Bullet the Blue Sky" is a total rip-off
of Ted Nugent's "Stranglehold".
I don't like Nugent's politics, and I love Bono's
music AND politics, but U2 owe Nugent royalties.
Judson, I don't doubt you hear Ted when U2 plays Bullet, but
I sure don't hear the similarity.
Are you saying there's a direct same-chords/same-timing thing?
Or is it more of a general feeling that you hear in both recordings?
I know both songs have a gets-quiet-then-the-guitar-wails section.
Is that what you mean?
When The Edge plays Bullet, I hear fighter planes, I hear bombs
and air raid sirens
and chaos and Reaganesque death and destruction, but no Ted.
Maybe some guitar player will write with an legal opinion on song structure similarities.
Quotes
"It’s much harder to be a liberal than a conservative.
Why?
Because it is easier to give someone
the finger than a helping hand."
-- Mike Royko, who hated Clinton's guts with everything
he had,
or, just pretended
to so he could whore more readers
I liked Royko, read him every day, ...until he turned whore.
Bush And Rove Flunk the Atwater School Of Politics
Excerpt:
Rove is struggling to keep his GOP hounds
on a short leash. Now that Jeffords has refused
to sit up and beg, the big dog to watch
is John McCain, who already has knife wounds up
and down his back from his dealings with
Rove. Many date from the South Carolina primary
and the Rove-fueled whispering campaign
that, among other poisonous rumors, raised doubts
about McCain's mental stability due to
the torture he endured in Vietnam.
Is that why the Democrats are so scared?
They're afraid Karl Rove might bite them?
Hillary, you might need to move the timetable up,
or there won't be a Democratic party in 2008.
Quotes
"Jenna Bush was caught trying to buy
a drink in Austin with a fake ID.
It's her second alcohol incident in
a month. She must be extra careful from now on,
because under federal law, it's Three
Strikes and You're President."
-- Comedian Argus Hamilton, Paul Harvey's
favorite comic
More Quotes
"Fuck Argus Hamilton, ...that prick!"
-- Sam Kinison
From: Jangellamf@aol.com
Subject: RE: http://www.bartcop.com/u2-nba.htm
Yeah, I saw it, and it was great.
Wish they'd played "Beautiful Day", but.......It
is also true that where Bono works overtime
to convince the wealthy to write off 3rd World
debts, Rush Limbaugh works overtime to
convince working class Americans to give it up
to the Rich......
Al Franken takes credit for convincing Limbaugh
to go "Jenny Craig" and therfore saving his life
(because of the insulting title of Franken's
book)--hey Al--thanks for nothing!
And another thing.....
Bono called the great, late and much lamented
Joey Ramone
two days before he died, on Good Friday, to wish
him health.
Two days later, Joey passed away as a U2 song
played in hospital room and U2
performed the Ramones "I Remember You" as a tribute
to Ramone later that night.
U2 acknowledged their debt to the Ramones--wonder
if the Vulgar Pigboy will ever acknowledge
his to the American working class by, just once,
come out for something that benefits them,
not their venal taskmasters, the ones who sponsor
his lies.
He won't--Bono has class, the Pigboy, none.
Johnny,
We watched those two songs again tonight.
Bono is a chronic, serial impressionist emoter.
Think of the emotion-filled world he lives in.
Talking to Joey on Friday, singing about his memory Sunday.
He went thru it with Michael Hutchence, too.
When he did his Hutchence tribute on the 1998 tour, that voice-shaking
wasn't an act.
He said later he and Hutchence had a no-suicide pact, and he still
lost him.
He went thru it with Lennon.
Christ, he went thru it with MLK.
Seems like, ...especially if you're liberal, there's too much "went thru..."
So he takes that emotional baggage that most men deny they even have
and he stands up
and says "This is how I feel,"
and most men don't have the balls to do that.
It's called performing. It's bearing your soul and risking
the ridicule.
Aspiring performers should watch him and learn a damn thing or
two about show business.
Hell, most professional performers should be watching, too.
A shot of Chinaco to you and Joey and Bono.
Read the Previous Issue
It had everything.
Copyright © 2001,
bartcop.com
Thanks for the
fumble, Dude.
