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Dr. Laura
Does It Again
Hysterical Ho Offends Tourette's Syndrome Families
Excerpt:
On May 22, Dr. Laura responded to a caller who
asked about whether her nephew with
Tourettes should be invited to a family wedding.
"Well, I'm going to come to your party and
just scream 'F-YOU, F-YOU, F-YOU'
every five seconds and see if you want
to invite me back," Dr. Laura shreiked.
"The child's mother can punish the whole world
because of this affliction of her son.
She can punish everybody who doesn't
want to call this normal. But it's not normal. And it's not nice."
Did
U2 steal Bullet from Ted Nugget?
The Experts Speak
Doherty
Gets Speaking Gigs Over Jail
Shannen Doherty trades judge sex for slap on the wrist.
The witchy Republican bitch series was sentenced
to either 10 days in jail or 20 days of work-release duty,
after she pleaded no contest to "pulling a Jenna."
Doherty, 40, was arrested in December after she was
pulled over for driving on a Southern California
highway like her name was Bush.
Doherty was ordered to pay $1,500 in fines and
was put on three years' probation.
She's also not allowed to drive with any alcohol
in her system, and she'll have to attend a series of DUI classes.
But a sticking point was over what kind of community
service the actress would perform to avoid jail.
Prosecutors pushed for a standard punishment--which
would include Doherty picking up roadside trash.
But Judge Charles Campbell said, "No, she's a
Republican, and they don't have to act responsibly,"
so he agreed to let her work off some of the
time by speaking at MADD meetings and "private counseling"
with the judge one day a month for the next year.
The Beverly Hills, 90210 alum was pulled
over by CHiPs December 28 at about 3 a.m., while driving in
Thousand Oaks. Cops spotted her dirty Ford pickup
drifting across several lanes of the freeway.
Once stopped, Doherty refused to take a breathalyzer
test, but officers booked her on suspicion of drunk-driving.
She went so bitch-crazy, cops had to hogtie her.
All told, it's been a tumultuous couple months
for the erstwhile Brenda Walsh. Last month, Doherty announced
she was leaving her hit series Charmed
after three seasons--marking the second time she's bolted from an
Aaron Spelling show. She was fired from Beverly
Hills, 90210 in 1994.
This latest departure came amid reports of on-set
tensions between her and costar Alyssa Milano.
Doherty told the press she thought her talents
were being wasted on a show "for 12-year-olds."
But in the meantime, it appears Doherty's talents will be put to use elsewhere--like under the judge's desk.
From: rynoa@pacbell.net
Subject: Contribution
BC,
I have never paid for any website before,
but it's almost like stealing
just showing up, reading and not giving
anything back.
We have a Republican in the White House,
so this is all I can afford presently.
Stay the course; the American people are smarter than Smirk gives them credit for.
Your fan,
Ryan
Ryan, thanks for that.
It was very generous.
"I feel very comftabull with the Spainers."
Quotes
"America wants to control the world economy,
the world military.
For us, Bush represents many
things from our fascist past."
-- Lacha Hernandez, a Spainer* teacher demonstrating
at the U.S. Embassy.
From: JPeterson@henson.com
Subject: Unauthorized Use of MUPPETS Property
Dear Sir or Madam:
I am writing this letter on behalf of The Jim
Henson Company (“Henson”).
As you may know, Henson owns all rights in and
to the MUPPETS™ characters and property,
including KERMIT THE FROG™.
We’ve recently been informed that your website,
located at www.bartcop.com,
features a picture of
Henson’s KERMIT THE FROG character, along with
a superimposed photo of George W. Bush’s head.
We hope you will understand that we cannot allow
our intellectual property to be utilized in association with
materials that are of a political nature, especially
given the strictly non-partisan allegiance of our characters.
We anticipate that you will understand our concern.
Therefore, in an effort to resolve this in an
informal and amicable manner,
we are requesting that you voluntarily remove
the offensive content from all websites where it is made available.
Thank you very much for your attention to this
matter.
We look forward to receiving your response soon.
This is not a complete recitation of the facts
and circumstances surrounding this matter, nor is it a
waiver of any right or remedy of The Jim Henson
Company, all of which are expressly reserved.
Very truly yours,
// jp //
Jill Peterson
Jill, I don't blame you.
If I was a Puppet person, and you had a comedy web page and put Smirk's
ugly mug
on my body you'd have a fight on your hands, so let's work together
to resolve this.
I'd also like to thank you for using the proper "lawsuit/business" address.
Can you believe some people send non-lawsuit, non-business mail to
that address?
Also, can I ask who the rat was?
I'll visit him later...
Plus, I like the way you phrased your argument: We
hope you will understand...
That was well written - designed to keep the
situation from getting heated.
We anticipate that you will understand our concern.
Again, very well put.
I like the way you do business, Peterson.
Y'know, if you're not happy with the Puppet People,
I can always use quality personnel. I know CAL
could use an assistant.
I'll have my people send you an offer to consider.
...in an effort to resolve this in an informal and amicable manner,
That's nice - hey, that really is.
You're appealing to my generosity and good nature,
knowing how different things would be if you came on like a pack
of wild animals.
You know how to do your job, Peterson.
You use your head and you get results.
...we are requesting that you voluntarily remove the offensive content
Now see?
That's all you ever had to do - just ask me.
I'm a good guy.
I see your point.
You can't be associated with a cocaine-dealing, abortion-providing,
AWOL-going,
snot-nosed rich boy who nullified America's voting privileges, that's
for damn sure.
I'm with you, Peterson.
You've closed the sale - count me in.
The "offensive content" (good name,
by the way) will be removed as soon as possible.
That offer will be Fed-Ex'd to you by Friday.
Looking forward to you joining the team.
Supermodel's
Condition Unchanged Month After Crash
Niki Taylor Update
It's been six weeks since Niki Taylor was involved
in a serious accident and she is still listed in critical condition.
There was promising news two weeks ago when doctors
in Atlanta took her off the respirator,
but she still runs a high risk of infection.
The 26-year-old supermodel suffered liver damage and other abdominal injuries.
Coke Bear says...
Hang in there, Niki...
How is Weak & Stuipid doing with his European Charm offensive?
Excerpt:
The challenges to Bush's agenda come as
Americans appear increasingly doubtful that Bush
is being well-received on the world stage.
A CNN-USA Today-Gallup poll found that 46 percent
of respondents said foreign leaders don't
have much respect for Bush.
From: atrios00@yahoo.com
Subject: Dr. Laura
The guy who blinded half of the Western Hemisphere
by
posting her pictures on the internet was 30+
years her
senior at the time of their relationship (and
still is!).
Of course, that was before she was 30 and before
she
shacked up with Lew for 9 years before
marrying him.
dunno about his age
Atrios
You are correct, Sir.
Bill Ballance is two full Deheryckeyes in age away from Nasty Ass Laura.
She's guilty of every sin that she shrieks about to those simpletin
callers,
and the right-wing handjobs are giving her a million a month to be
Nasty Ass Laura.
This Las Vegas/Area 51 thing...
I'm working on this Las Vegas/Area 51
story,
but right now it's flatter than Smirk's
EEG.
It's got no spark.
Will keep working...
From: loucaruana@rocketmail.com
Subject: Moronic
Bill, "I did not have sex with that woman, Ms.
Monica ..."
but I did visit the bartcop.com last night
and ranted.
And then came Hillary, a fine specimen of contradictions
and deceit.
Definitely not a liberal... I can think.
Can you?
Louis B. Caruana, Ph.D.
Dr. Lou, ...can I call you Dr. Lou?
Dr. Lou, you claim you can think.
I don't know you, so I'll give you the benefit of the doubt on that.
...but your overall communication skills seem to be somewhat lacking.
You're saying Bill visited bartcop.com last night?
How could you know that, Dr. Lou?
...and then came Hillary?
Bill and Hillary were both here last night?
...are you sure, Dr. Lou?
Tell you what, Dr Lou - if that fancy GOP thinkin' of yours ever gets
to the point where you
can string together enough words to commit to a cognitive point, get
back with me.
...and one last thing,
With a name like "Lou Caruana," do you get a lot of My Sharona jokes?
From: salty@sc.rr.com
Subject: Democrats
bc,
I'm your biggest fan, and very calm.
ha ha
Thank you
After Jeffords switched you claimed 'its still
51-49' or some shit like that.
I'm cynical like that. But I see other benefits
but I pussied out and didn't tell you.
And you see it now.
You said:
> Jesus Christ, of course it is.
> It's clearer than Lake Concha.
> Jim Jeffords is responsible.
> When he left the Grand Old Fascist Party, he took away's Smirky's
monopoly.
> Once the Democrats were in a position to hold an inquiry into
the California energy rape,
> the gouging sons of bitches had no choice but to ease up on
their cash Niagra.
It's time we kicked right-wing ass!
Let's get started.
Salty
Salty, it might be worse than you think.
So far, Republicans Jeffords and McCain have been Smirk's
biggest problems.
The Democrats are all hiding and cringing.
Jeffords and McCain aren't afraid of the weak and stupid appointee,
and BIG OIL crapped their pants when they lost the senate, and dropped
prices,
so they aren't afraid of the weak and stupid appointee, either,
...but the Democrats are still hiding and cringing...
Even if they have no courage or convictions, can't they even get up and lie to us?
Don't you even care, Arthur?
Don't you even care?
Whoops, ...sorry, ...that was Pacino in And Justice For All
Smirk's party is giving him hell, his oil buddies can't trust him, Europe
hates him,
and he doesn't have the slightest clue why anybody might be mad at
him.
Uncle Dick told Condi to leave that part out of Junior's "education."
Read the Previous Issue
It had everything.
Copyright © 2001,
bartcop.com
Thanks for the fumble, Dude.
