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..............................BartCop
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Quotes
"George Bush is in Europe and the mission
while he's there -- the objective -- is to assure
Europeans that he is competent.
And I'm thinking, 'Wait a minute. What about assuring us first?'"
-- Dave
KISS Caskets
NEW YORK (Billboard) - Just when you thought KISS
couldn't possibly lend its likeness to a more
outrageous merchandising scheme, the veteran
hard rock act has one-upped itself with a line of caskets.
The group announced details of the KISS Kaskets,
which are "completely covered with a specially
laminated photomural that features the KISS logo
and the images of the band members." Aside from
sending you off in the ultimate of heavy metal
funerals, the contraption can also double as a beverage cooler,
"enabling fans and their friends to enjoy ice-cold
beverages served directly from the ice-filled, waterproof" casket.
According to bassist Gene Simmons, "This is
the ultimate KISS collectible. I love livin',
but this makes the alternative look pretty
damn good."
KISS Kaskets will be available for sale through the Web site and via "local funeral homes."
This story is so goddamn stupid I assumed it was from the boys
at The Onion.com.
But I checked it out myself and it's real.
...and many of you think,
compared to KISS, Ted Nugent, Motley Cure and Metallica,
that Bono is the jerk?
From: lastdeminnorman@yahoo.com
This is stolen brazenly from stef@swcp.com.
A doctor and an old man were discussing Bush's health care reform ideas.
The old man said "Well, ya know, old Bush is a post turtle".
So, not knowing what he meant the doctor asked
him what a "post turtle" was.
And he said, "When you're driving down a country
road, and you come across
a fence post with a turtle balanced on top, that's
a post turtle.
You know he didn't get there by himself, he doesn't
belong there, he can't get
anything done while he's up there, and you just
want to help the poor thing down."
Last Dem In Norman
Quotes
"Happy Birthday to former President Bush.
Seventy-seven years old today.
You all remember President Bush.
He's the sober one in the family. ...
I thought this was nice. For
a gift, his family got him a police scanner
so he could hear his granddaughters'
names on the radio."
-- Leno
This Just In...
Severe thunderstorms are raking the "greater" Tulsa area
slowing the deification of Tiger Woo
Quotes
"The shift in power in the Senate means
that Trent Lott will become the minority leader.
Funny, you rarely hear a sentence
with the words Trent Lott and minority that doesn't
also include the words 'no appeal
to' and 'hates'."
-- Jon Stewart
Quotes
"Bush is about to have his lunch eaten
at the July negotiations on global warming.
With Europe determined to implement
the Kyoto Protocol and Japan likely to follow,
the US could see the world moving
ahead without it. Not since the U.S. failure to ratify
the League of Nations accord
in 1919 have we been as out of step with the rest of the world."
-- Dick stab-in-the-back Morris (R-Toe sucker)
Excerpt:
When Charles Barkley's grandmother asked
him why he was joining the "party of the rich,"
Barkley replied, "Grandma, we are
rich."
That first hefty paycheck can sway an athlete
to the right.
Speaking of sports, I see where our sports editor theangryburgher
is looking for
some sports people with basic html skills - are you that person?
E-mail theangryburgher at theangryburgher@hotmail.com
This Just In...
Play halted at the US Open due to lightning in K-Drag
Big Lies from Big Oil
Excerpt:
Internal industry documents obtained by
Sen. Ron Wyden, D-Ore., suggest that in the mid-1990s
oil companies had little interest in building
new refineries because of low profit margins and, in fact,
were discussing the need to curtail
refinery output to boost profits.
The November 1995 memo by Chevron
also cited warnings about refinery profits by a senior analyst
from the American Petroleum Institute,
the industry trade group, at an industry conference that year.
Six months later, in a Texaco memo
marked “highly confidential,” a company official said
surplus refinery capacity was “the
most critical factor” facing the refinery industry because
it resulted in “very poor refining financial
results.”
If only the Democrats weren't such geldings...
From: abbau@msn.com
Subject: McVeigh and Heaven
Bartcop,
Without making specific pronouncements on the
ultimate fate of MCVeigh (R-EIB),
I assume you are aware that there are two forms
of contrition:
1. sorrow for actually committing an act and
2. fear of shoveling coal for the Big Red Machine.
John, that may be true in some cases, but I doubt it's true when you're
minutes away
from getting a lethal injection. Staring at that needle, I'm sure Tim
was "truly" sorry.
It is Catholic doctrine that either form of contrition requires penance in this life or the next.
Whoa!
That's new for sure.
Those wacky nuns told us Purgatory was to burn
off venial sins.
You're saying Purgatory is a mandatory stop?
Even for those with clean souls?
Tim didn't get a get into heaven free card; he still has contrition to do in either case.
john
chicago
Boy, the church has changed.
They way they sold it to us was this:
When you leave confession, your soul is 100 percent totally and absolutely
clean.
Maybe Tim committed a silent mental sin in the intervening minutes,
but he was
probably too scared to form intent, which in the old days was needed
for a sin.
Assuming what I've just said is true, God has no legal basis for "still"
or "to do."
If Tim shows up with a clean soul, he gets right in, doesn't
he?
Or are you saying if a good Catholic follows all the rules and dies
with a clean soul
there are still some undisclosed hoops to jump thru?
I have a feeling Catholicism is like state laws.
This Just In...
K-Drag issues flood warnings for Tulsa County
...and if Tiger Woo is God, why doesn't he wave these clouds away?
I know that you know that Matt Drudge is a whore.
Check his hysterical headline:
ANTI-BUSH PROTESTS TURN VIOLENT...
But when you read the story, it actually says,
"Police sealed off a building to lock in about 400 activists suspected of planning violence."
So, being suspected of planning violence is
violent?
Good reporting from Matt the Whore...
How Europe sees President Weak & Stupid
Stroke Me, Stroke Me
"The hate mail is coming in viciously."
-- King of hate, first hour
No, Pigboy, your mail is not coming in "viciously."
Did you take your stroke medicine today?
How to keep score in golf by Tony Scalia
by Ruben Bolling as seen on Salon.com
From: Tamara Baker
Subject: The Real Reason Smirk laid off Vieques
Wanna know why Shrub's minders made the sudden
decision to pull out of Vieques?
A decision that, as CBS News told us repeatedly,
and (wonder of wonders!) accurately, last night,
was a "political" decision -- not a humanitarian
one?
It was to try and shore up his brother Jeb among
Latino voters.
As the accompanying NYT piece makes clear,
the GOP is in big trouble in the Sunshine State.
CBS News noted last night that Shrub's alleged
political strength with Latinos was being undermined
by the Navy's using Vieques for target practice.
That's what they listed as the main reason for his deciding
to phase out the bombing runs. (A decision, by
the way, that was made without consulting the Pentagon,
which is very, very angry over it. Awwwww.
Serves them right for backing the bozo in the first place.)
A half-remembered line from HST's Watergate writings keeps floating around my head lately:
"The hard-nosed super-executives Nixon chose
to run our country for us
turned on each other like rats in a
slumfire when the going got tough..."
Tamara
Florida
G.O.P. Sees Bush Visit as Latest Slight
by Richard L. Berke
From: ENRAMSAY@aol.com
Subject: How do they do it???
At least 12,000 protesters were expected at rallies
throughout Goteborg, Sweden’s second-largest city,
against Bush, the EU and the growing strength
of international business.
http://www.msnbc.com/news/585107.asp
I'm serious- how do they mobilize 12,000 people???
It makes the 10-100 (and I'm one of them) that assemble in the US for any given event look pathetic.
This is where the theft occurred, for God's sake....
I think we should adopt the slogan they use for turn out the vote- "bring five"
Bush Unifies
Europe
by William I'm-a-lying-bastard Safire of the New York Whore
Times
Excerpt:
Western Europe was unified for two generations
by a fear of the Soviet Union. Now that
Russia's economy is dependent on high oil prices,
its population plunging to half that of the U.S.,
and what's left of the Red Army mired in Chechnya,
the glue holding together Europe's fragile
supranational identity is resentment of the unrivaled
power of the United States.
Horseshit!
Safire, you lying whore.
Europe doesn't hate us - they hate President Weak & Stupid.
They don't have "resentment of the unrivaled
power of the United States."
They don't like a clueless idiot making illogical
and dangerous decisions that affect them.
Tell the truth, instead of being Smirk's apologist.
Happy 33rd Birthday Yasmeen Bleeth
Protesters
try to block Bush motorcade
by Robert Wielaard at Salon.com
About two dozen environmental activists chained
themselves together to block a side exit
at the military airfield where President Bush
arrived for a NATO summit Wednesday.
Bush's motorcade left Melsbroek Airport by the main exit half a mile away, out of sight of the demonstration.
A dozen demonstrators were arrested, handcuffed and taken away. Police declined to say what they were charged with.
A spokesman for the Greenpeace demonstrators, Dan Hindsgaul, said they did not expect to actually stop the president, but wanted to make their opposition to his policies on global warming and missile defense heard.
"It's a symbolic action showing he's not welcome,"
he said. "It's also just the first in a series"
of protests the group has planned during Bush's
weeklong European trip.
From: jonbastian@earthlink.net
Subject: More GOP Hypocrisy on Energy...
Further to the California gas price drop once
the GOP lost the majority in the Senate and investigations began,
there's a news story that's certainly made big
headlines here, regarding the additive MTBE and the EPA's refusal
to give California a waiver on using it. Or,
in other words, a big fuck you from the administration to California once
again
"No, you can't temporarily stop using expensive
additives in your gasoline.
That would be b-a-a-a-ad for the environment..."
And the corporate news spin is that gas prices could rise fifty cents
a gallon because of it -- meaning gas prices
will rise and we damn well better like it.
Only trouble is, this environmental concern is
coming from the same people who loosened air quality standards
on power plants in this state. Once again, W
& Compan(ies) are trying to have it both ways -- and their way is
what's good for big oil (duh) and not what's
good for the people. After all, letting power generators pollute is
good for their bottom line, and requiring continued
use of MTBE is good for the refiners' bottom line.
Incidentally, MTBE is a major ground-water polluter,
and in fact the aquifer under, I believe, Santa Monica,
was recently ruined by a spill. Not just temporarily
tainted, not shut down for a little while, but made absolutely
undrinkable and unusuable for all time.
But, hell, at least it's not arsenic. Right?
Jon
Jon, too bad the gelding Democrats don't have a gram of courage to fight back.
Speaking of fighting back, check this out: http://www.rollyourownblackout.com/
Riot police prepare to battle the people in every European
city
with the bad luck to get a visit from President
Weak & Stupid.
The BartCop Hex
They say God with a nine-iron is even money to win this
tourament.
Even money? With 150 other "golfers" playing?
Don't those 144 people have any pride?
Can they all suck that badly?
They can't be that bad, can they?
I hereby put the BartCop
Hex on Mr. Perfect.
I say he won't win this tournament.
"Hex on thee, hex on thee, hex on thee, Mr. Perfect."
I'm going to send massive negative mental energy to him these next four days.
Mr. Perfect has won the last four majors in a row.
Nobody has ever won five, so I'm putting the BartCop
Hex on Mr. Perfect.
How's the weather?
Today...partly cloudy early...then showers and thunderstorms
likely this afternoon.
Some thunderstorms may be severe.
High in the lower 90s. South wind 15 to 25 mph and gusty.
Chance of rain 60 percent.
Koresh help the GOP if the BartCop Hex works.
Great
TV Moments
From last night's Law & Order repeat...
Smart-ass Defense Lawyer: How did the woman die?
Doctor Testifying for the State of New York: In my opinion, she was poisoned.
Smart-ass Defense Lawyer: Doctor, could she have died from pneumonia?
Doctor Testifying for the State of New York: She could've died from death rays from Mars.
Courtroom: (Laughs)
ha ha
Yes!
That is how you answer a stupid question.
The judge didn't get mad - he got a freebie!
That's how you answer a question from an idiot lawyer.
That draws a line in the sand that when he asks the next
stupid question,
he's going to be the butt of humiliation again, and again,
if necessary.
You don't ever let a bonehead ask a stupid question without
punishing him.
Wouldn't you love to see a wild-ass lawyer trying to get George
Carlin,
on the witness stand, to commit to certain words to describe
a certain situation?
ha ha
Carlin knows the English language like few people.
Maybe some people know more, but they can't express it
like Carlin.
But, that's always been my dream, to be grilled by some idiot
prick,
...under oath,
...with witnesses,
...with live TV cameras catching every word,
...with some lady recording every syllable,
...with transcripts are available after 6 PM.
...with Mr. Aggresive come after me.
Sidebar:
Oh, having some preferably-Republican handjob
come after me on the stand?
That'd almost be as good as fresh Bixby
corn, which is coming.
Longtime readers know about fresh Bixby
corn.
Corn, picked-that-day, garnished with fresh
connesiuer, ...connisue, ...connasew..
...the fancy-whipped salty butter, tastes
better than Filet Mignon or Prime Rib.
...sorry, just falling into a corn lust...
Fresh corn, ...Chinaco Anejo, ...Chinaco Anejo, ...Fresh corn...
I may have to go with the Chinaco Anejo, but that Bixby corn f-ing rules.
And the economics of this delicacy are staggering.
For ten dollars, you can get a hundred-lot
of Bixby corn,
and we're talking about corn that's two
inches thick and a foot long.
We're talking about a dime to taste a slice of God's best grub.
Bad news is, there's no way to preserve
it.
In Koresh's dusty hellhole, corn is only
king for about 30 days.
In July in K-Drag, it's 114 every damn
day.
But that hellish heat wave brings out the
flavor in the Silver Queen corn.
...sorry, ...we were talking about proper court behavior, and I got lost.
We were talking about how it'd be if some arrogant courtroom bully
tried to pull some shit.
I'd sure like a piece of that, if someone could arrange it.
If he asked me, even one time, "What
went thru your mind when..."
I'd make him sorry he was born an American.
He don't wanna know the answer to "What
went thru your mind when..."
cause that gives the a blank check, that I can cash anywhere
unless he can prove
my answer is NOT what went thru my mind when...
Just yesterday, we read a report about what a monster dork Wolf
the Whore is.
He asked Timmy's attorney what Timmy was thinking.
Timmy's attorney said, "How the fuck
would I know that?"
It was classic television.
Bottom line, I want to be deposed, live, with witnesses, on camera.
Perhaps I should be a little more descriptive with Pigboy, Laura
and Paul Hervey the horse molester.
I'd sure like a jury to explain an issue to...
Enron, Big Oil, Rape America
Excerpt:
Enron Chairman Kenneth L. Lay netted $123 million
in option transactions last year,
according to a filing with the Securities and
Exchange Commission. That was nearly three
times his gains the previous year and nearly
10 times what he made in 1998.
$123 million?
No wonder Haliburton gave Cheney a $22,000,000 going away present.
They knew with two slimy oil men stealing their way to power that they'd
all make hundreds of millions
while whores like Rush Limbuagh scream, "What's
wrong with making a profit?"
Thank Koresh that Jim Jeffords displayed some courage, unlike the gelding Democrats.
PLEASE don't send the Democrats any money until they stand up and fight.
From: bottlebottom@aol.com
Subject: BC Spirits Page
Hey Cartbop {hic},
How come yer {hic} friggin' spirits page is down?
Thaash my favorite part of your {hic} site.
Put it back up, ya basshard. {hic}
Love,
Jenna Bush
Jenna, I just checked, it's working fine.
You must've clicked "funny."
This is so true and it pisses me off.
The gelding Democrats will confirm any fascist prick Smirk sends
to them.
...and Breaux is among the worst, snuggling with Smirk all the time.
Is Paul Harvey still alive?
Mr. Ed, has Paul Harvey sexually molested you lately?
He must be on his deathbed if he's not "bothering" the horses...
From: PoliticalAmazon@aol.com
Subject: More GOP defections?
My contact in the Pentagon said that, starting yesterday afternoon,
everybody
was talking about "solid reports" that Chafee is going to leave the
GOP.
From: efestag@mail.alac.org
Subject: Does Andrew Sullivan rate a special exemption from Rush Limbaugh?
Andrew Sullivan is a columnist for The New Republic
who happens to be gay and HIV-positive.
His opinions also tend to cluster on the right
side of the political spectrum.
Is that why Rush Limbaugh has never mentioned
his name in connection with barebacking,
which Rush otherwise condemns in the most severe
terms? Is that the way it works with Rush?
It's O.K. with him if you're a barebacker as long
as you have the "right" politics,
but you're irresponsible scum if you're a barebacker
whose politics differ from Rush's?
Did you know Tim McVeigh was Catholic?
Did you know he received the Last Rites from a priest before he
died?
That means IF he was sincerely sorry for his sins, (and
who wouldn't be seconds before the needle?)
he is guaranteed Heaven for all eternity, something you
and I don't have.
Ain't that a bitch?
IF you're Catholic, and IF you think it's likely
he felt remorse seconds before that needle hit,
then he's in Heaven right now and that's what the Catholics consider
a fair and honest system.
I can't put my finger on the eexact moment or reason I got out,
but situatuions like this don't so anything to reign in the logical
people.
Zepp put it another way:
Update on the White House "vandalism" Lie
Read the Previous Issue
It had everything.
Copyright © 2001,
bartcop.com
Thanks for the fumble, Dude.
