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Bartcop.com
This Just In...
Illegal
Weapons Seized By FBI Sent to Cuba
by Al Martin
Excerpt:
The illegal weapons en route from Huntsville,
Alabama to New Orleans,
seized and temporarily held by the FBI,
have been dispatched to a naval base on Cuba. . .
Inanimate
Objects
by michael dare
This is a great drug rant.
Once you start reading, you can't put it down.
Quotes
"Infidelity is always unacceptable, but particularly
when you have an
elected official involved in a position
of trust with a young girl, an intern.''
-- Trent Lott (R-Segregation Forever)
...but it's just fine with a staffer (Gingrich)
...it's OK to break up a family with children (Henry Hyde)
...nothing wrong with a truckload of prostitutes (Bob Livingston)
...perfectly allright with a black supreme court justice (Bob
Dornan)
...entirely proper with some lady who will secretly raise your
bastard (Dan Burton)
...no problem with some defenseless little gerbils (Rush Limbaugh)
...but an intern?
Only a true monster would have sex with a 24-year old intern.
Trent, how about an old fashioned blome?
A Louie Armstrong story or two...
Who
Cares What You Think?
an unconfirmed Smirk incident
"A friend of a friend met the President during
his inspiring stop in Independence Park
in Philly last Wednesday. Here's her account:
So when the President was here on July 4,
I had the opportunity to shake his hand.
I wasn't sure if that was a good idea or
not but I did it anyway, and said to him,
"Mr President, I hope you only serve four years. I'm very disappointed in your work so far."
He kept smiling and shaking my hand and
answered, "Who cares what you think?"
His face stayed photo-op perfect but his
eyes gave me a A nasty little gleam look
that said, if we'd been drinking in some
frathouse in Texas, he'd've happily answered,
"let's take it outside.". He was (fortunately)
constrained by Presidential propriety.
That was the end of it, until I turned away
and started scribbling the quote down in my notepad,
so as to remember "The Gift" forever. When
he saw me do that he got excited and craned his neck
over the rubberneckers to shout at me,
"Who are you with? Who are you with?"
People started looking so he made a joke:
"Make
sure you get it right." But he kept at it:
"Who do you write for?" I told him
I wasn't "with" anybody and pointed to one of his staff
people, who knows me a little, and
said, "Ask him, he'll tell you."
Then I split.
Half an hour later, my boss (who had helped
organize the event we were at) came up to me and said,
"Did you really tell the President that he was
doing a 'lousy fucking job'?"
No way, I said, I was very polite, I just
told him what I thought. Fortunately, my boss believed me.
He wasn't happy with me, but he believed
me.
Sooooo, if you've ever wondered if the President
really is kind of a jerk, I'm here to tell you, he is, and
I got "The Gift" to prove it. I'm thinking
of making up t-shirts so we can share The Gift with everyone:
"Who cares what you think?"
President George W. Bush, July 4, 2001
I believe it, and I will give you my reasons:
First, I don't like the son of a bitch, and I choose my words
carefully.
He was brought up my a baby-killer and an illegal arms smuggler
who forced
innocent people to be held, blindfolded, an extra 50 days
by those Iranian bastards
so he could wiggle his way into power, similar to what young
Smirky had done for him.
Second, someone who knows him "off camera," wrote a thing saying
when Smirk
is being a spiteful, mean-spirited and nasty shit, he can speak
very clearly and forcefully.
It's when he has to use a nicer tone that he babbles incoherently
and screws everything up.
Third, that's what he told the American voter.
Condit
Corner
Levy
Search Focusing on D.C. Park
Excerpt:
Authorities resumed their search for Chandra
Levy on Monday, using police cadets
to help officers looking in a large park
that the former federal intern liked to visit.
Searchers were concentrating on the area
around Klingle Mansion in Rock Creek Park.
Police say Levy, 24, looked up a map site
for Klingle Mansion on May 1, the last time they
believe she used her laptop and a day after
she was last seen in public.
The mansion is about two miles from her
apartment building.
First, this is an AP story, so there's no telling if it's true
or if this is
more of their "crystal ball says this will happen" horseshit.
Second, if she left her ID at home,
doesn't that mean she went to meet Gary Condirt?
President
faces an attention deficit
Polls show public is tuning out Bush
Excerpt:
Even as his approval ratings rebound in
new polls, President Bush is facing a
more daunting problem previously unseen
in post-World War II presidencies:
The American public seems to be paying
less and less attention to what he says and does.
From: davidamcrae@covad.net
Subject: Ask BartCop
I heard that after blood specks were discovered
in Condit's apartment,
Dan Burton was last seen rushing to his home
with a watermelon and a baseball bat.
Is this true?
David
David,
All signs point to yes!
bc
Quotes
"I'm not sure there is such a thing as
Attention Deficit Disorder.
I think a lot of those kids just
need a slap to the head."
--the all knowing, all caring Maja-Rushie
From: dare2b@earthlink.net
Subject: Fried chicken
You make chicken almost exactly the same way I
do.
Two improvements...
Instead of plain flour, use any commercial powdered
sourdough pancake mix.
Instead of plain salt and pepper, use a spice
mix like Old Bay or Tony Chachere's Original Seasoning.
Yum.
MD
ONE OF THE TOP 25 ENTERTAINMENT SITES ON THE NET
says E-Online
Please keep your arms and legs inside the vehicle
when visiting http://i.am/michaeldare
Damn, you mean it can get better?
Check this out
A
Closer Look at Dr. Laura
by Tom Allen
Retail Price: $16.97
Register with our CPI Email list and get
this book: FREE
Excerpt:
A prophetess for our times or a self-righteous
prude with shock-jock techniques?
This book provides an intimate and thoroughly
researched and documented review of Dr. Laura's
beliefs and advice set against the
clear teachings of both the Old and New Testaments.
The kicker?
This is from Christianpublications.com
Now if we could just get them to tell the truth about Rush...
From: williamkirksport@netscape.net
Subject: Condit and Gil Gutknecht
Hey BC,
You know we have our own right-wing knuckledrag
Publican here in Rochester Minn,
the dishonorable Gil Gutknecht (R-dickwad).
He was on the local TV shows,
'speaking out for the first time about
his close friend, Gary Condit'
So I say, fuck him! If only it wouldn't
be used against democrats,
or if only people would point out he's
a puglickan in sheep's clothing.
Sport
Sport, the media has been wall-to-wall with the inaccurate claim
that Condit
voted for impeachment, so yeah, he's one of them. He's
dead meat.
This is something the guys might like.
There's a new Star Trek series about to debut.
I think it's called Enterprise.
They learned from Seven of Nine that it's good to have a babe
on the show.
Imagine that - the original Star Trek premiered in 1966.
About 32 years later, they figured out a babe would increase
viewership.
so they found Jerry Ryan, put her in a cat suit and boom! ratings
doubled.
This time, the lucky lottery winner is Jolene Blalock.
Click Here to see the new Star Trek babe
Warning
- no nudity, but I know how upset some of you liberals get
when a woman is portrayed as sexy. These shots are from Maxim.
U.S. Promised
Subs to Taiwan It Doesn't Have
Foreign policy: Military balance with China teeters as the
White House
tries to fulfill its pledge to help the island nation defend
itself.
Excerpt:
WASHINGTON -- Barely three months after taking
office, President Bush reversed three
decades of American foreign policy in Asia by
opening the way for Taiwan to
buy eight diesel submarines.
It was an impressive action, the centerpiece of
a huge package of new arms supplies that
appeared to make good on Bush's campaign
promise to help Taiwan defend itself.
There was one catch: There are no submarines to
sell Taiwan.
Didn't we have this story months and months ago?
Why is the Los Angeles Times just now finding out?
They need to read more bartcop.com
Who's kitty is this?
...and is there a story behind the pictures I found in my cartoon folder?
From: joe1991@worldnet.att.net
Subject: Have you tried any other anejos?
Hey BC
I bought my first bottle of Chinaco Anejo
thanks to you, and it is very good.
Have you tried any other anejos?
I saw several listed below, but geez $40+ is
a lot to TRY another brand.
http://www.tequila-shots.com/anejo.html
Thanks,
Joe C
Joe, yes, you must be a new reader.
We started the great tequila hunt 2 years ago, probably in July.
I haven't tried them all, but I've tried a lot.
Here are some of my findings, with some news!
Mr T is beating up Smirk
From: Tamara Baker
Subject: Clinton Overseas
We lost Bill Clinton because we didn't deserve
him.
He saved our country, and we let the GOPMedia
crucify him.
But they know his real worth overseas.
President
Clinton shines at Wimbleton (but you
didn't hear about it on US media)
Clinton serves an ace on centre court
Excerpt:
Yesterday's rain-induced lack of action
produced a new Centre Court hero - Bill Clinton.
From his seat in the Royal Box, he showed
he knows as much about sport and 'Henmania'
as about the intracies of the Middle
East or Northern Ireland.
Clinton's impromptu interview with BBC sports
journalist Gary Richardson, which boomed out loud
and clear over Centre Court and helped
entertain millions of viewers waiting patiently at home
for play to begin, stole the show.
You mean Bill Clinton talked to the press without getting the
questions in advance?
Without having Uncle Dick cross some questions out and explain
others?
Without Condi going over the pronunciations of the people's names?
Wihtout Karl Rove explaining who needs to be given a nickname?
Clinton did this live?
On the spur of the moment?
How does he do that?
BTW, I put the BartCop Search Engine on the Back Issues page.
Pigboy's Charitable Humility
Rush's
liberal dose of charity
by Linda Stasi
Last week, Rush Limbaugh took me to dinner
at Patsy's. He reads this column,
and I said if that got around it would
ruin my reputation as a pinko liberal feminist.
During dinner, he asked me how much city
firefighters earn.
He asked me about the families of the dead
firemen.
He said he read everything The Post wrote
about the widows, and the next day he and
wife Marta contributed $200,000 to the
New York Post Astoria Fire Heroes Fund.
Now I owe him a big dinner.
Yes, that was a nice thing to do.
Of course, he did it thru a NY Post reporter to get maximum media
coverage.
The vulgar Pigboy doesn't do anything that won't enrich him.
But, firefighters deserve all the support they can get.
When things go bad, their families deserve to be taken care of.
Good for Rush.
Read the Previous Issue
It had everything.
Copyright © 2001,
bartcop.com
Thanks for the fumble, Dude.
