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Bartcop.com
-
Who is the killer?
Marty Z, contact me.
Odd Julie Hiatt Steel Update
She's still in her house, but that's probably the bad news.
Right now, TWO mortage companies are fighting to see who will
foreclose.
The thing is, she only has one mortgage.
I suggested she go to the courthouse and see how has a lien filed
and to tell the other guy to go jump.
Of course, state laws vary (which is real stupid - probably the
lawyers set it up that way to ensure
there'd always be a need for 50 different sets of stupid rules)
so maybe in Virginia you can put liens
on property without notifying the owner, so who knows?
The new date is August 11th.
What a mess.
Last night on Fox, they said somebody (NYT, WSJ, CNN - somebody)
did a poll asking who the country would rather have for president
right now.
Bill Clinton 48
percent
The boy king 32
percent
...I'm surprised he got as high as 32.
From: mistah_pete@hotmail.com
Subject: email
You don't know me from squat, but I wanted to
send you something. After all, I know how
it hurts to lose your website and email -- the
current virus is attacking everyone these days.
I can't fix it for you, but thanks for the site,
and play all the reruns you like.
I haven't been onboard since the beginning, and
I probably haven't seen it all.
Oh, by the way, today's my birthday. We're going
to Chuy's for dinner.
True, it's the one here in San Antonio, but I'll
raise a swirl to Jenna and Babs, the Busch twins.
yours in rebellion,
Pete
Pete, ask to see their tequila list, and send me a report, OK?
From John Zogby's crooked on-the-take poll
President Weak & Stupid doing fair or poor job -
50.9 percent
President Weak & Stupid doing good/excellent job - 47
percent
Like Rush said, this is the first time a majority think he's screwing up.
From: jbhigdon@townsend.com
Subject: What did veterans fight for?
The Ford/Carter comission established to study
our election process determined that we'd likely get
a higher turnout if election day were a national
holiday. They proposed moving Veternan's Day to
coincide with election day. It seemed logical
to me. But then there's this...
"Election Day is Election Day. Veterans Day is
Veterans Day," said Rep. Chris Smith, (R-NJ)
who chairs the House Veterans' Affairs Committee.
"To use a holiday that is focused on honoring
and revering the sacrifices of our veterans as
voting day would dilute it and would undermine
the very reason why it was established."
Ah, hem.... Excuse me, but what exactly is it
that our veterans sacraficed for? I had thought they had
died to protect freedom, which is exactly what
voting represents--our freedom to choose our leaders
and determine our own destiny. I thought that
this would be a great way to honor our veterans even more.
But I guess I was wrong. Republicans are right,
of course. They sacrificed for a rectangular piece of red, white
and blue cloth. So what we need to do to honor
them further is to pass an anti-flag burning amendment, eliminate
the separation between church and state--oh,
what the hell--let's just get rid of the damn First Amendment.
It's just too damn much trouble.
Jim H.
Quotes
"I never talk about Clinton
anymore.
I can count on
one hand, the number of times
I've talked about
Clinton since the pardons scandals."
-- the vulgar Pigboy, lying Nazi whore, 40
minutes into his third hour today
Rush, you're not even capable of saying "Condit" without
mentioning Clinton,
Monica, oral sex, cigars, Altoids, bondage, interns and
the "Clinton body count."
The
rigged missile defense test
by Joe Conason
Excerpt:
The target destroyed in the "successful"
defense shield test contained
a global positioning satellite beacon
that made it easier to detect.
Why has the media mostly ignored the
story?
There was only one thing that all the happy
salesmen forgot to mention about
their latest test drive. The rocket fired
from Vandenberg was carrying a global
positioning satellite beacon that guided
the kill vehicle toward it. In other words,
it would be fair to say that the $100
million test was rigged.
This is another reason Weak & Stupid can't hold a press conference.
What if someone in the press gets uppitty and asks Bush a question
about this?
Bush could either lie or stammer and say, "Gee,
you'd have to ask Uncle Dick."
That's why Bush can't hold a press conference.
Great report on Clinton comes to harlem at Media Whores Online
http://www.mediawhoresonline.com/main.htm#CLINTON
While we're on the subject, let's hear it for Hannity and Fox
News for
finding a black guy who doesn't like Clinton moving into their
neighborhood.
That took some digging - and they did not give up intil they
found him.
Same for USA Today - they found some guy whining about his rent
going up.
But you know what I figured out?
If the top three employers packed up and left Harlem, rents would
be cheaper.
And if the top twenty businesses left Harlem, rent would be cheaper,
still.
If the top fifty businesses left Harelem, and it was overrun
by rats with the plague,
rent would be cheaper than ever, so why isn't that guy chasing
all economic activity out?
What
happened to Chandra Levy?
And
what was Condit's role?
Let's hear from the best astrologer on the net Geneva Clark
Excerpt:
Chandra probably died a quick but violent
death. This is shown by Mars, a malific planet,
co-ruler of her Scorpio 4th, exactly on
the cusp of her 8th house, of death. Mars also squares
her Neptune, ruler of the 8th. Transiting
Jupiter and Pluto together, are setting off that square.
Mars, together with Neptune, indicates
some kind of choking or strangulation. Jupiter is the planet
of protection and fortunate circumstances.
But it is totally unaspected for Chandra. Thus, it gave her
NO protection and was not fortunate for
her. By the way, the 5th house also rules children.
With ruler Jupiter, unaspected, it's a
very strong indication that Chandra was NOT pregnant.
Maybe you don't believe in astrology, but what if Geneva is right?
What if Chandra's body is found in water, and the coroner says
it was strangulation?
Geneva has consented to be the official BartCop.com astrologer.
Visit her page for all your astrology needs.
And look for her weekly updates in the 
section.
Ain't
Over 'Till It's Over
by RB Ham
Protesting Smirk in New York City
Surround the White House Sept 29th?
What's this?
Cheney
Protest
(There's something happening here)
by Isaac Peterson
Update
USA Today's TV critic says:
If you watched last week's premier of Murder
in Small Town X, it's worth returning
to see if this potentially intriguing series is easier to follow
now that it has its instructions out of the way.
We start with the bad news.
My mailbox says, "Sorry, no new mail today."
There's always something broken.
I need a tech person to live with me, who can also cook, bartend
and roll cigarettes.
I've rubbed the Perkel Genie lamp, maybe he can do some magic and make the mail work.
Time passes.
I heard from Perkel, he says I have 1.3 meg of mail to download, but the problem's on my end..
Here's what happened:
I use Eudora for my mailbox.
They've been bugging me to accept ads, or they'd revert me back
to Eudora Light.
So yesterday when I logged on, it said, "Would you like to create
a mailbox?"
So I said yes, and now I'm locked out.
Any Eudora experts out there?
What option settings do I need?
If you know, send me e-mail at bartcop@mindspring.com
I'm nothing without my mail.
Quotes
"The Republicans have been after Clinton for
nine years, and they haven't gotten him.
That is the year before he got to the
White House, the eight years he was there, and now after he's left "
- Rep. Chaka Fattah (D-PA).
A
Superstation for Democracy
by Robert Parry, always a must-read
Excerpt:
As we saw most dramatically in Election
2000, the stakes are extraordinarily high.
Though lacking a popular mandate, the six-month-old
Bush administration has pressed forward
on an agenda that presents risks to the
world’s environment, to arms control, to the security of
senior citizens, to the country’s economic
stability, and to the ideological balance of the federal courts.
But something else is at stake beyond these
specific issues. Increasingly, the U.S. news media is
helping to create a confused, cynical and
disinformed electorate, what is sometimes called Tabloid Nation.
That, in turn, is posing a more fundamental
threat: to the nation’s 225-year-old experiment in self-government.
From: asasuperfly@yahoo.com
Subject: You suck as a film critic
Now that I have your attention, you also could
use some improvement as a political critic.
I liked your bringing to light the Joe Scarborough
Scandal the Whore Press continues to ignore,
rather than waste too much time and effort defending
Condit.
Why defend a man like Condit who may very well
be Guilty when you can attack the
U.S.Soviet Press who says everything is wonderful
and Bush is a genius.
Asa, what planet are you currently on?
No Democrat has been tougher on Condit
than me.
Did you mean to send this e-mail to bartcop.com?
Your revue of, "Rules of Engagement" sucked.
Both Tom and Sam did a masterful job of showing
the scars career Devil Dogs carry inside.
I am a fan of yours who knows you can do better.
Let me guess - Jupiter? Saturn?
My review was critical of the Reaganite writer
of the story, not the acting.
I numbered my complaints so people like you could
disagree intelligently.
But "your review
sucks" without answering the big four
complaints is cheating.
Keep Swinging the Hammer!
Asa.
TO
RUSSIA WITH LOVE AND $15 BILLION
by my good friend Greg Palast
visit gregpalast.com
Excerpt:
Just when I thought the Bush Administration
had adopted every crack-brained idea that could
threaten Mother Earth, along comes another.
This send-uranium-to-Russia scheme is the
creation of something called the Non-Proliferation
Trust (NPT Inc), a Washington group which
‘grew out of extensive dialog with ...
the arms control community and the environmental community.'
If by ‘arms control community' you were
thinking Greenpeace, you'd be a bit
wide of the mark. The Chairman of
NPT Inc is Admiral Daniel Murphy, once
Deputy Director of the CIA and Bush Senior's
chief of staff.
Last weekend, the Travel Channel had a shameless (but fun) Las Vegas promo called,
Top Ten
Ways to Cool Off in Las Vegas
They said the Vegas temperature sometimes
gets to 120 around this time.
I've never been there in the height of
the summer.
It's the desert for Koresh's sake.
Let's do these in reverse order of importance.
07. Wet & Wild in Las Vegas
It figures they'd have a good one, ...yada, yada...
05. The Tropicana, because the air conditioners work
That's nothing to brag about in last Vegas.
Unless you just spent a billion dollars
opening Mandalay May.
You never can tell when some no-name
dot.com critic might review your accomodations.
They said the Folies Bergere show
was so hot,
the girls had to take a dip in the Tropicana
pool afterwards.
Wow, that's hot.
06. Ceasar's Palace.
They have a puppet show with impressive
flames and water spouts.
(You're expected to drink a lot in Las
Vegas)
Now things start to get a little better...
05. The Mirage
They have a water motif, so they got a nod.
The erupting volcano uses water
instead of lava, in the bubbling volcanoe*
(They must have a Green city manager)
They also have dolphins, and it's the most
dolphins in the world who can spell or juggle or something,
I'm not sure, but they have trick dolphins
at The Mirage.
Sidebar:
The night after we were utterly disappointed
with the accomodations in the Executive Suite
of the Mandalay Bay Resort and Casino,
we checked into The Mirage because they had room.
Vegas is always sold out.
Well, that's not true, but it's always
sold out in April and September-October
when we tend to end up there. Whatever
weekend it is, there are 20,000 vets in town
from the USS Kick Ass to give the hotels
a reason to get top dollar for their rooms.
Here's the deal with Vegas:
Catch them when they're not busy,
and they'll treat you like Larry Flynt
for $85.
Been there - done that.
Last thought?
Rooms at the Mirage are tiny.
Of ten casinos we've sampled in Vegas,
theirs was smallest, and we had a damn hottub room.
Sidebar:
We rented Rounders starring Matt Damon
and Ed Norton and watched it there.
We didn't know the movie takes place in
the Mirage.
08. Treasure Island
Hey, I've never seen the pirates battle.
I probably will next time I'm there, but,
...it's pirates.
I'm in my late forties and I gave up wanting
to be a pirate five years ago.
But, true to the "cool off in Vegas" theme,
they said having a place with a battle at sea
so it psychologically made the sidewalk
audience cooler.
ha ha
Wanna buy some land or some stock in bartcop.com?
Now, we're getting into downright cool shit.
09. The Hard Rock Hotel
Rumor has it they have the pool that's
happenin'.
The pool manager said she's blush-proof,
and she's seen everything.
Does that mean it's OK to go topless?
Wouldn't you girls hate to get arrested
in f-ing Las Vegas for public nudity?
...and if it's a topless pool, why not say so?
It's the Hard Rock Hotel, summoning
visions of Keith Moon and John Bonham.
Do you get arrested for flashing your breasts
at the Hard Rock Island?
...huh?
...whoops, what kind of Freudian slip was that?
ha ha
I didn't even know the girl who fell
off the Harley...
(She wasn't seriously hurt)
Plus, the Hard Rock has swim-up blackjack.
I don't want to, but we have to
give them credit for that.
Swim up, invest ten dollars, get and Ace
and a Jack, get back $25.
If you're drinking, that's more fun than
Area 51.
Now, we're getting into serious cloud territory...
03. The Venetian
You girls must wear something on your heads.
The Venetian is first-class all the way.
Michaelangleo did the ceilings in this place.
They have Grecian pillars and rich, Corintian
architecture and everything.
There are many things in Las Vegas that
aren't real.
The Venetian is really real.
You can buy $25 shots of tequila at the
Taqueria Canonita
That's where I hope to die, someday...
...on that middle barstool, with a $300 bar tab.
When my doctor tells me I only have ten
days to live,
I'm going to the damn Venetian courtesy
of VISA Platinum!
If you think I'm going to die with a full
tank of gas you're crazy.
The Rio's Bamboleo has better
Mexican food in general,
but The Venetian has a tequila
bar and a great appetizer tree!
The Venetian also has the Canyon Spa, if
you're worth it...
I never have done the fancy-ass spa thing,
and I'm not looking for a hooker,
but having some young girl rub me for an
hour sounds nice...
Sidebar:
The Venetian had a bad fiscal 2000, because
people kept winning at the tables!
Click
Here
Until I saw this "Ways to Cool Off" show, I didn't realize how
watery Las Vegas is.
The Venetian likes to boast about their canal, and how romantic
it is, but but who wants to
kiss their girl with gondolaboy standing there and people gawking
at you?
01. They listed the Number One place to cool down as Mandalay Bay
They have the biggest pool I've ever seen, and they finally got
their wave working.
Each minute, a three foot wave rolls by, so if your children
are getting on your nerves,
take them swimming at Mandalay Bay.
Mandalay also has a shark tunnel, where you walk thru while 30
sharks swim around you.
Amazingly, they didn't list their Red Square Vodka Ice Bar as
a cooling place.
I mean, what's cooler than a shot of Grey Goose
in a frosted shot glass?
02. (only one left after this) was the Bellagio
They have this semi-hokey, semi-cool water thing out near the
street.
It's about 200 computer-controlled water nozzles that shoot water
200 feet into the air
in a display you'd think was choreographed by Bob Fosse.
Hell, it's free.
The Bellagio, along with the Ventian are the class hotels in
today's Las Vegas.
10. The new Aladdin Hotel and Casino
I can't believe they listed this as Number Ten, but it's tops
in my poll.
.
This is so cool.
When you're walking the shops at the Aladdin, it f-ing RAINS
every thirty minutes.
That's right. I'm only happy when it rains in the desert.
On the hour and half hour, the ceiling clouds up, the place gets
dark and lighning
flashes and thunder booms and the sprinklers rain on the Aladdin
lakes.
Can it get much cooler than that?
I'm guessing The Aladdin didn't want to pony up the cash for the
Travel Channel's
little promotional video, but they had to include this
way-cool spot in the cool off poll,
so they placed them at Number 10 to punish them.
I think this requires further investigation, don't you?
I haven't been to Las Vegas since The Fiesta Hotel opened
their Tequila bar with the 600
kinds of tequila.
Of course, it'll be like the Mandalay Ice Bar - they'll
have Chinaco Anejo and 599 inferior brands,
but we wouldn't be doing our jobs if we didn't investigate, right?
...wait - did you hear that?
Listen real close...
BartCop BartCop
That's Las Vegas - calling to me, like a siren on the rocky shore.
Ohhhh, I have Vegas fever.
From: fwalsh@walshpm.com
Subject: Liberals like you
I find it interesting that people like you keep
belittling President Bush based on your perception
(politically motivated) that he is somehow mentally
deficient. Even though I am sure that you have
never misspoken I assure you that many people
do. Bush may well be dyslexic and those who
criticize him for misspeaking are being very
childish - if you bothered to look into it you would find
that stuttering or misspeaking is not a sign
of a lack of intelligence. It is only a superficial flaw which
"compassionate" liberals use in an attempt to
belittle someone that they do not like.
Fred, yes, we tease Bush when he says things like "put food on your
family" or "make the pie higher."
When he decided to purchase/steal the White House, he asked
for intense scrutiny, didn't he?
His inability to speak coherently is not as scary as his inability to
think.
Why do you think he can't hold a real press conference?
It's because he's too stupid to answer questions without help from Uncle
Dick.
He has no idea what he stands for (except tax cuts and oil profits)
and he doesn't understand
how the government works - that's why he needs others to speak for
him.
(If you even bother to respond to this e-mail
I look foreword to your further belittling of the
president and probably myself)
Thanks,
Fred Walsh
I have no reason to belittle you, just because you're wrong,
but I'll be pounding that brainless Failure in Thief for another
three years, 5 months and 19 days.
Note: Starting today, you can no longer reach Cunningham at cunninghamstrikes.com
You must use the new designation, http://www.politicalstrikes.com
from Volume
157 - Blame it on Rio
Dogma
I had a near-crisis of faith today.
I saw the Catholic movie, "Dogma."
(Partial spoilers, if you want to see the movie "clean," stop reading.)
Thank Koresh I had my ideas firmly ensconsed on this web page before
this
movie came out, otherwise you'd accuse me of stealing their ideas.
If you go see Dogma, you'll swear BartCop helped write it.
Two angels (Matt Damon, who can't act, and Ben Affleck, who can) have
been
thrown out of Heaven, but then they discover a loophole that'll get
them back in.
(Remember my math loophole, using ejaculations instead of prayers?)
Trouble is, if they get back in Heaven, it proves that God was wrong.
Since God can't be wrong, He sends hit-men to murder His angels.
This movie is sooooo Catholic, I'm not sure you
people from the false religions
would get many of the references. There was a lot I didn't understand,
and I'm as Catholic as a little Eskimo boy can be.
The crisis part came early in the movie.
I saw this movie completely alone in a theater at noon today.
I was the only person in the seating area. I was totally alone.
Very early in the movie, an angel appears and identifies himself.
The lady says, "How do I know you're really
an angel?"
So the angel snaps his fingers, and suddenly they're in a Mexican resturant.
The angel yells, "We need tequila over here!"
Tequila?
Tequila is how the angel proves himself?
Was God sending me a sign?
Was God using my new fascination with fine tequila to send me
a message?
What kind of tequila were they drinking?
I couldn't tell, because they were drinking it man-style, ...from a
damn glass,
instead of those tiny one-ounce shotglasses that the women use.
I started to sweat a little, wondering if maybe I'd been wrong all these
years.
Since I was the only person in the theater, maybe the tequila bit wasn't
really in the movie.
Maybe God added that part, just for me, to send a me a signal.
I was worried for about 30 minutes - all the Catholic jargon they were
using,
all the old references that came rushing back into my mind,
it all made me wonder if God was trying to reach me, using the tequila
as a lure.
Later, in a scene shot on a train, they drank more tequila.
I was really sweating bullets now.
I could feel my science and logic leaving me,
being replaced by fear, ...doubt, ...wonder, ...surprise ...and ...shock!
Whoa, heavy on the shock!
Why the heavy tequila metaphors?
It didn't fit the plot, there was no reason to have alcohol in the
scene,
much less tequila, so my non-faith was really shaking at this
point.
I was hoping other people would come into the theater.
If this movie was being altered by God, just for me, maybe it would
be different
if there were other people in the theater, maybe He would let me off
the hook.
But then, I was saved.
Science and logic began flooding my mind like a Kubrick movie.
I was free from fear, doubt, wonder, surprise and shock.
My feet were back on granite - I was saved.
How?
The camera pulled back and revealed they were drinking Jose Cuervo!
ha ha
Surely, God is smart enough to know He can't lure me with Jose
Cuervo.
God is soooo much smarter than that - I know this.
Surely, in Heaven, they only drink 100% blue agave tequila.
So, ...what have we learned from all this?
Drinking fine tequila can save your soul.
If you're Catholic, and you ever take another drink of Jose Cuervo,
you will likely burn in hell for all eternity.
If I don't get my mailbox fixed soon,
we'll be seeing a lot of flashbacks...
At The Smoking Gun.com they have complaint letters from
people who thought
someone else'a vanity license plates were crude or disrespectful
to religion.
Write to me at bartcop@mindspring.com and tell me how to fix my Eudora setting.
Trust me, I know my passwords, but it won't accept them.
Read the Previous Issue
It had everything.
Copyright © 2001,
bartcop.com
Thanks for the
fumble, Dude.
