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Quotes
"Drug therapies are replacing a lot of
medicines as we used to know it."
-- the appointed Failure in Thief
From: copyeditor@journalism.com
Subject: The Bartcop Hex
I would just like to know when you're going to
put the bartcop hex to good use,
considering how successful it has been against
Tiger Woods.
Please please tell me you have grand plans for a political hex.
Michelle
Michelle, don't worry.
Smirky has a
Bartcop Hex in his future - big time.
Stem
Cells
by FR. Mushroom
Jamaica likely to legalize marijuana
Excerpt:
The National Commission on Ganja - as marijuana
is known here - also said Jamaica should allow
the use of marijuana for religious purposes.
This is important to the Rastafarian minority, who worship
deceased Ethiopian Emperor Haile Selassie
as a prophet and use marijuana as a sacrament.
Y'know, I've never taken Mrs. BartCop on a cruise...
Follow Up
Why is
Enron buying up California's water rights?
How lame is that new Bob Patterson show?
"Give me 30 minutes, and I'll give you
half an hour."
...if you were trying to write unfunny dialog,
you couldn't be so clever as to think of something that
unfunny.
That joke wouldn't have made Volume #0001 of bartcop.com
and we all know how bad those early issues were.
The Woodman
Mr. Perfect
Joe Golfer
Majamoneybags
El Tigre
...comes in 29th at the PGA
Quotes
"We have to live now because no
one gets a second chance.
There is no Heaven or Hell. You
either make the best
or the worst of what you have
now, or there is nothing."
-- Maadalyn Murray O'Hair
I believe we'd have peace in the Middle East, Northen Ireland,
the Balkans
Iran-Iraq, Pakistan-India and on and on - if more people thought
like O'Hair did.
Mark McGwire, aka Steroid Man
by a very confused and angry Carl D. Olson
From: Ray-Katos@mediaone.net
Subject: RE: Godfather II
The cop walking in on the Frank Pentangle "Frankie
Five Angels" was part of the plan.
They never wanted to kill him, they wanted to
make him think Michael tried and failed to kill him.
That's just my interpretation from seeing the
picture 20 times.
As for the money never making it to the island,
Fredo was careful to not let the porter at
the airport touch the brief case. I assumed it
was a dummy and Fredo was told not to open the bag.
Again, no other evidence.
Of course, you know that the guy that played Johnny
Olav (sic)
now plays Uncle Junior on The Sopranos.
Ray
Ray,
I hadn't considered that move on Roth's part - good thinking.
The Bush Family Evil Empire's Profiteer List
Bookmark this page or something, but keep it handy.
These names will pop up again and again with hueueueuege
government freebies.
They stopped the government for three years to see if Vernon Jordan
might have
tried to get Monica a job, but when the Bush
Family Evil Empire
wants to give away BILLIONS
to Bush's friends, the whore media remains silent
because Mr Rove doesn't like it when people interfere with Bush
Family business.
...thanks to David E Romm
Cotton Comes
to Harlem
Why Clinton is a real brother
Excerpt:
I think there is another thing that many
white pundits just don't get when
they attempt to assess black attitudes
toward Bill Clinton. African Americans
really relate to Clinton's cool-under-fire
tenacity. As Congressman Rangel said
during his introductory remarks on that
stage in Harlem, we saw it as no accident
that the same people who were out to get
Bill Clinton were out to get us first.
That may be a tad hyperbolic, but there
are many in the black community who
believe that the only reason Bill Clinton
was hounded so vociferously as
President is that he was a friend of black
America.
A Meet the Press Moment
Tim the Whore had Lawrence Lindsey, Bush economic advisor as his
first guess.
It went like this.
Whore: The Democrats say you guys
are robbing lockbox funds out of Social Security
to pay for massive tax cuts for the wealthy - true?
Lindsey: No, Tim, of course not. You see...
Whore: Hey, that's good enough for
me - no need to explain. You see, I work for Jack Welch,
and he needs a huge tax cut, and I'm his boy whore, so there's no need
to explain.
Besides, you guys are doing a great job.
So, let's talk about important matters.
What do you think about Gore's beard?
Isn't Gore like, the biggest load on the planet? (laughs)
Follow Up
Bill Clinton
Trading Card ordering info
Smirky's
dog "Spot" tries to escape
He needs your help
Picture
war heats up
See BartCop get beat up
Excerpt:
If you must indulge your adolescent
fantasies,
put your stupid, not-even-vaguely-related-to-the
point pictures
on a labeled link so I don't have to see
them.
How many pin ups do you see in Newsweek
or Time?
...ouch!
Can I escape this trap?
State's rights enthusiast (and Bush voter)
David Duke represents the GOP
The Genius
of George W. Bush
by Frank Rich
Excerpt:
In fact, everything Mr. Bush said is false. His
decision was completely about politics.
It will slow the progress to breakthrough therapies
and cures. It did force the pro-life
movement he ostensibly endorses to cross a fundamental
moral line. And yet the politics
were so brilliantly handled — and exquisitely
timed, for the August dog days — that few
vacationing Americans bothered to examine the
fine print, which didn't arrive until the final
seconds of an 11- minute speech. Few have noticed,
at least not yet, that the only certain
beneficiary of this compromise is George W. Bush.
SO YOU WANT
TO BE A RADIO TALK SHOW HOST...
by Steve Young as seen on american-politics.com
ha ha
I wonder who he was thinking about when he wrote this?
The
"Bush is Lying" list over at
Bushwatch
is getting longer and longer every day.
The Tiger
lovefest has gone too far
by Cary Estes Birmingham Post Herald
This just
in: Tiger Woods had a cheeseburger for lunch.
That might as well be the type of reporting we're
getting from the PGA Championship,
considering the news media's slobbering attention
toward all things Tiger.
Woods is at even-par 140 midway through the PGA,
which means he barely made the cut. Yet judging
from the reports coming out of Atlanta, one would
think that Woods was running away with the tournament.
First of all, when it became official that Woods
had made the cut, the Associated Press ran an "urgent" bulletin
declaring such. The AP's "urgent" bulletins usually
are reserved for truly important events, such as deaths and wars,
not for golfers shooting even-par.
ha ha
Then AP golf writer Doug Ferguson wrote a story
that buried the lede so deep that coal miners
would have had a hard time finding it. It took
six paragraphs before Ferguson got around to telling us
that David Toms and Shingo Katayama were in the
lead with PGA Championship record-tying 131s.
It was 11 paragraphs before he mentioned that
Phil Mickelson was only one shot back in his quest
for his first major title. In paragraph
No. 19, Ferguson actually wrote, "lost in the hoopla over Woods
making the cut was more record scores."
(Uh, Doug, you happen to be creating the hoopla).
And finally, way down in the 21st paragraph, he
grudgingly informed us that 44-year-old Mark O'Meara
had shot a 63, setting a course record, tying
the PGA record for lowest score in a major tournament and
becoming the oldest player to shoot a 63 in a
major.
Naturally, in his next paragraph, Ferguson quoted O'Meara ... talking about Woods.
Come on, this is ridiculous. There is absolutely
no justification for placing that much attention on a player
who is nine shots out of the lead. Maybe,
just maybe, come Monday we actually can read about who won
the tournament. And, of course, what Tiger had
for dinner.
Boy in the
Bubble
by isaac peterson
Read the Previous Issue
It had everything.
Copyright © 2001,
bartcop.com
Thanks for the
fumble, Dude.
