POLITICS - HUMOR - FINE TEQUILA - TRAVEL - ENTERTAINMENT |
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Gene
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POLITICS - HUMOR - FINE TEQUILA - TRAVEL - ENTERTAINMENT |
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Gene
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Quotes
Sen. Clinton's limousine blew past a
security checkpoint at 35 miles per hour
- injuring officer Ernest Dymond in
the process.
The Moonie Times covered the incident
two days later, in a story that quoted Dymond as saying
"Clinton's car was going so fast, I
didn't know if we had a terrorist."
ha ha
She was going that fast?
So fast that this lying cop was confused?
Damn, that's fast!
The lie continues:
The senator's limousine sped on for
another 100 yards with Dymond banging on the window and door
and shouting for the vehicle to stop.
So this lying cop claims he ran after
and caught this limo that sped by him at 35 MPH.
He didn't mention which leg of the Olympic
sprint team he anchored, either.
Why can't the right remember that when you lie, you need to make
the lie POSSIBLE
or everyone will catch on right away that you're lying.
It finally did, but only when the Westchester
County cop threw his shoulder into the door
like a football lineman, sustaining
injuries that required emergency room treatment.
The idiot cop tried to block a two-ton chunk of metal speeding
at 35 MPH with his shoulder?
Make him stop!
So, to hear this cop tell the tale, this limo sped past
him at 35 MPH, which he then managed to overtake and,
while running at 35 MPH, (or faster) he threw a lateral block
into the steel door using his shoulder?
Please - tell me this man isn't allowed to carry a firearm.
On top of everything, the vulgar Pigboy, Swear to Koresh, said
"Hillary's limosine ran
the guard down, injuring his shoulder."
Sidebar:
What a decent and honest man the vulgar
Pigboy is.
He's a true Christian, and a role model
for all conservatives.
I kept trying to figure out how a car could run over a guy and
only hurt his shoulder.
The most likely scenario I could envision was the lying cop was
lying in the street and Hillary said,
"Screw the pig, let's run him down and laugh about it all
the way to Chappequah."
But, of course, that's not Hillary's style.
Her style is two shots to the head.
The Day
The Big Liberal Fired A Gun
by Jennifer the Insomniac Bartender
From: pamgreen@cac.net
Subject: God's Sunshine
Found some Chinaco Anejo the other
day; last one on the shelf, hidden behind
the Reposado. Too bad; store owner was
probably saving it for himself, but I GOT IT!!!
I found a good use for Cuervo Gold the
other day .... We're having a bug invasion
right now (Box Elder Beetles & some screwy
little bugs that look like ladybugs but they
come in all different colors and the little __uckers
BITE). Pour a little Cuervo on them
and they spin around in total misery before kicking
their ugly little feet in the air for the last time.
I think it's the taste that makes them spin.
Pam
ha ha
That's a terrible thing to do to those poor bugs...
So, how was your Chinaco Anejo?
Is it your first taste?
A full report is required.
Fun Fax
According to Harper's Index, October 2001, President Simp has spent
42 percent of his presidency at or enroute to different vacation spots.
Clinton worked hard and look what he accomplished.
Weak & Stupid never works - ever - and look at the mess
we're in.
Quotes
"These new and unchecked powers could
be used against American citizens who are not under
criminal investigation, immigrants
who are here within our borders legally and also against those whose
First Amendment activities are
deemed to be threats to national security by the Attorney General."
-- Gregory Nojeim,
Associate Director of the ACLU's Washington Office
Gee, Greg, you think?
HISTORY
LESSON
by Tony Hoppe
Aries II
Down: Another Technology Transfer to China
By Al Martin,
Excerpt:
In the continuing effort to make China
the bogeyman of the 21st century, Washington has scored yet
another coup in the loss of the EP-3E Aries
II surveillance aircraft. It's very reminiscent of the
phony
FBI Hanssen Spy Case. In other words,
what the US Government is saying just doesn't jibe with the facts.
From: Rude Rich in NY
Subject: Whateva
I'm putting you on ignore for the next few weeks.
I'll be back when the series is over.
I have enough aggravation in my life without
playing games about baseball with you.
As with Rush and Stern, you are relegated to the
commercials in my life. I'll skim but I won't listen.
Play games with someone else.. I'll be back in
a few weeks.
I have no argument with you about politics I'm
starting to think Pat Buchanan
may have been the right man to vote for last
year. He would have finished this shit already.
I just don't need your foolishness right now.
I'll read the site but you won't hear from me.
Seeya in a few weeks.
I have better things to worry about than what
some insurance salesman in Oklahoma thinks.
ha ha
Poor Rich, he's upset that I don't worship checkbook baseball, and that
Steinbrenner had to hire a Red Sox pitcher to win another World Series.
Hang in there, buddy.
Send me some pictures of the Yankee tickertape parade...
Announcement from Linda Starr
Friday afternoon, I will be a guest on radioleft.com
at 3:20 pm CDT, discussing the many outrageous
dangers of revoking Posse Comitatus, as
well as the moral questions in confirming Daniel James.
There will be some very interesting revelations
as I expose some serious abuses and misconduct.
For those who miss it, the show will be replayed
over the weekend and a corresponding article
posted at onlinejournal.com.
You won't be sorry you tuned in to listen.
Friday's show is looking to be quite exciting.
From: JLavery922@aol.com
Subject: "West Wing's" Ken Starr
You wrote:
>> As nuts as the Ken Starr figure was, in this fictional world he
was respected, so CJ planted
>> the story that he was a nice guy, and honest guy, that they were
working well together,
>> that they were all pals and getting along great and everyone was
happy and smiling.
None of this is fictional--it's exactly how it
happened in the Clinton investigations. Ken Starr was
respected by both Democrats and Republicans.
David Kendall (Clinton's attorney) liked him and
thought he was decent and fair, not a zealot
at all, as did Clinton's White House counsel, Lloyd Cutler.
When Clinton was first deposed by Starr in the
White House they appeared to hit if off and had
friendly conversations (Clinton telling an aide
to make sure Starr was shown the Lincoln bedroom
since Starr was a history buff).
The stategery then was not to criticize Starr
nor attack him at all--accomodation,
not confrontation, lest he git aggressive.
There was disagreement within the ranks (just
like on "West Wing") with Carville and Bennett wanting to go
to war right off the bat. Hillary's deposition,
immediately following the President's, was a bit more chilly--she
admitting she didn't appreciate being there--
and she managed to prevent Starr from ever getting to visit the
Lincoln bedroom. So don't be suprised if "West
Wing" plays it out similarly in the weeks to come.
JL, thanks for that.
I had no idea that there was a time when Ken Starr wasn't "Hardon Kenny."
Ill-Advised Tax Cuts
"Wealth
Has Never Yet Sacrificed Itself on the Altar of Patriotism"
by Molly Ivins
I wonder if West Wing is going to feature a Julie Hiatt Steele character...
Niki Taylor was certain she was dying
Supermodel Niki Taylor was certain she was going
to die after being involved in a serious
car accident in Atlanta over the summer.
She spent months recovering in hospital after being
critically injured when her friend drove into
a post.
"I got out the car and my stomach was really
hurting so I stumbled over to a patch of grass
and rolled down into a fetal position
holding it. It hurt so bad all I could do was cry."
Days later Taylor overheard her manager talking
about whether she was going to live.
She recalls, "One of the doctors said to my
manager Lou Taylor, 'Things are not good'.
"'Is she living?', Lou asked, 'Yes,' the doctor said, 'But she's just hanging on'."
Taylor is still recovering from the extensive
injuries she suffered - she broke back in the crash
and still feels pain and numbness in her legs
as a result.
She appeared briefly on last week's VH-1 Fashion Awards, walking slowly and deliberately.
Coke Bear says "You did good, Niki"
Route to
riches
Afghanistan has huge strategic importance for
the west
as a corridor to the untapped fuel reserves in
central Asia.
With Weak & Stupid and the Vice Oil man, it's ALWAYS about more oil.
From: patch@bytehead.com
Subject: Pigboy lies again!
Bart, did you hear that Bill Clinton got a vial in the mail of salmonella?
But you know what that fucking liar Rush claims?
That Clinton sent it to HIMSELF!
Looks like the syphilis that cost Rush his hearing
is now causing brain damage,
like it did to Al Capone before he died.
Ross Sauer
Homegrown
terror
Who's sending out anthrax?
One possibility is becoming harder to ignore:
The U.S.'s own far-right extremists.
Hell, we knew that weeks ago.
Without a doubt, it's a religio-nut.
Bipartisan
Etiquette . . .
By Michael Kinsley, part-time liberal
Excerpt:
You must admit, the Democrats are being
awfully good scouts about this bipartisanship business.
Especially when you consider the circumstances.
They have not just rallied uncritically around a
president of the opposite party. They have
rallied around a president who got fewer votes than
their own candidate, and one who many of
them believe actually stole the election.
Quotes
"What has captured my interest for the moment
instead revolves around the essentially apocalyptic
nature of the Bible, and how the Bible's
predictions of world history square with current events.
I realize that a good deal of the Bible
is contradictory, nebulous, or at least subject to many
interpretations. At the same
time, I think even its harshest critics would have to concede that
a few basic points are fairly clear
and seem relevant today. One is that both the Old and New
Testaments predict a cataclysmic war
centered in Israel."
-- My good friend Doug at thedailybrew.com,
from "The End Times," his final column?
Scary stuff - not the Biblical writing, but scary that we may
have lost The Daily Brew, too.
We're losing liberal sites left and right - that's the scary
part.
The more of us there are, the harder we'll be to eliminate.
From: amorgan@mail.cesd.wvu.edu
Subject: Cheney Leaves his Cave...
...for just long enough to attend a Republican
Governor's Fund Raiser last night.
Maybe someone should point that out to the Deaf
Pigboy (haha...I liked that too!)
so he can explain the difference between his
most recent Big Dog fantasy
and Lock, Stock & Oil Barrel Cheney's reality.
-April
April, that's great.
I love it when Rush has to eat one of his nasty personal slurs.
That Rush - I'd like to take him fishing on Lake Tahoe sometime, Fredo-style.
Every Republican had to eat a lie Thursday when the top headline in
USA TODAY said,
"Rumsfeld:
we may not get bin Laden." after Bush PROMISED
he was going to "smoke them evil doers out
if their holes and bring them to justice."
This, on the heels of that pre-fab horseshit
that EVERY GOP hump from the toothless
horse molester Paul Harvey to Hag, nag and on-the-rag Laura the Unloved
about Clinton
promising to track down terrorists and then failing to produce a corpse
for the TV cameras.
Every fair-minded American knows that EVERY president promises to catch
terrorists
because people WANT to be lied to. Nobody wants to hear a president
say
"We may never catch the bastards who did this
because the goddamn CIA are morons."
From: (withheld)
Let's see if I got this straight.
America gets attacked, there's talk of reinstating
the draft,
and all of a sudden Limbaugh claims he's 4-F
because he's deaf.
I guess that boil on his ass must have healed.
Isn't that an amazing story?
Just like his Daddy, Rush's ass was too dirty for the Army during Vietnam.
True or Not True?
Here's one for you:
Yesterday, this guy calls Rush and asks him if he knew that Hedy
Lamarr
invented or developed the basis for what became modern day sonar.
Rush, who seems to be VERY deaf, and VERY quickly, kept saying
he couldn't hear
but he started giggling that this guy was trying to get him to
bite that Hedy Lamarr had
anything to do with England developing radar in the early days
of WWII.
True
or false?
Here's another one:
A buxom Hollywood bimbo invented or developed the idea for cell
phones.
I mean, why would a cowboy in a fifties western need a cell phone?
True
or False?
Last one:
The man who perfected American bombing sights in WWII became famous
for
being on one of these TV shows - Andy Griffth, Beverly Hillbillys,
Green Acres.
Who
was he?
...classic Corvette if you get all three.
From: mllanes@tampabay.rr.com
Subject: POPABEAR IS RIGHT POPABEAR IS LEFT!!!
Brother Fire and the culture jammers say popabear
spoke well for I and I...
Papabear was right when he told me to go fuck myself for taking a vacation?
If that's the case, why do you torture yourself by reading bartcop.com?
Another
point of view
By Raising Cain
From: tony@krl.org
Subject: Who's the Terrorist?
Hey, BC. Now that Congress has passed the
anti-terrorism bill and
Asscrack is in charge of the complete law enforcement
forces in the country,
I have just one question: Who's going to
protect us from the anti-terrorists?
Tony, good point.
I'm so old, I remember a time when the GOP was afraid the federal government
was getting too powerful and was trying to take away our
rights.
With Mohammed Atta's help, The Bush Family Evil Empire
has thrown away the Constitution.
This new law they just passed? Did you see the wording?
Anyone the government SUSPECTS
might be a terrorist has no rights.
I think faggots are suspects, don't you?
I think niggers are suspects, don't you?
I think beaners are suspects, don't you?
I think ragheads are suspects, don't you?
I think pinko college professors are suspects, don't you?
I think the KKKlinton are suspects, don't you?
I think big-nosed Jews are suspects, don't you? (After all, they killed
Christ)
I think foreigners are suspects, don't you?
I think retards are suspects, don't you?
I think atheists are suspects, don't you?
I think poor people are suspects, don't you?
I think welfare queens are suspects, don't you?
I think whops are suspects, don't you?
I think micks are suspects, don't you?
I think liberals are suspects, don't you?
I think Arkies are suspects, don't you?
Anyone the government SUSPECTS
might be a terrorist has no rights.
And certifiably religiously-insane John Ashcroft has the power?
You know what I think is next? Gun
control.
I'm as serious as testical cancer.
If you don't own a gun or two you are asking to be controlled.
What if Al Martin
is right?
What if BartCop is right?
Don't wait until they kick at your front door, then say,
"We should've bought a gun back when BartCop
warned us,
back in 2001 when guns were still legally
for sale."
It won't help anybody if you say that then.
If the GOP doesn't mind the all-powerful federal government erasing
the Bill of Rights,
and the goddamn idiot Democrats are too scared to do ANYTHING except
what Rove wants,
how do you justify not being able to defend your home and your family?
Maybe you thought you'd never own a gun.
Until the Bush Family Evil Empire suspended
the Constitution, maybe you didn't need one.
The sons of bitches stole the election and now have erased the Bill
of Rights.
What the hell are you waiting for?
Lies,
Coverup, Blame & Excuse
by the Last Honest Reporter
The Bush lifelong pattern of lies, coverup, blame and excuses continues.
After lying about and covering up the antrax threat,
the Bush Administration is now
blaming the terrorists and excusing himself for
the
deaths of the postal workers.
Bush is now lying and covering up the responsibility
of Republican presidents (including his Father)
for the hatred of Americans by Muslems. He tells
children that he "doesn't understand why they hate us".
Any high school student knows why they hate us.
Republican presidents (Nixon, Reagan, Bush) have
interfered with the social, economic and political
development of their countries, not for the good
of the people, but to satisfy their greed and lust for cheap oil.
Bin Laden is not their selected leader, he was
chosen, supplied and trained by Republican presidents.
We're at war with Afghanistan because Reagan
and Bush created that monster.
We have encouraged devestating, decades-long wars
between their countries by suppling arms to each side.
And we have stifled their democratic movements
by encouraging, supplying and training their monarchy's to
kidnap, torture and disappear their own citizens.
If someone did that to my family, I might hate them, too.
Our leader and president, on whom all of our futures
depend, says he can't understand why they hate us.
If you are looking for a reason why 6000 people
are dead and we are at war, you need look no further.
How is he going to solve it, if he doesn't understand
it?
Maybe that's why Cheney says we are in for a
long war.
Breaking News...
AL MARTIN
- NOT A KOOK
by RB Ham
Dave
Dave had a great show last night - did you see it?
It was a repeat of a show we missed when we were out of town.
It started off with Marv Albert announcing, because Alan Calter
was stuck in traffic.
After the monolog Dave talked to Marv for a few minutes. Dave
likes Marv.
He asked Marv to stay and help out in case he had trouble with
his first guest - Farrah Fawcett.
Remember about a year ago, Farrah was on Dave and was so addled
and spacey that it became
a big media thing that Farrah was on drugs and stoned out of
her mind, but I think Farrah is merely
blessed with an IQ in the high fifties and there's nothing for
us to get too alarmed about.
So Farrah comes out and - the poor thing - every word she said
was scrutinized by the audience
like they were 400 Beavis & Butthead clones. No matter
what she said, the crowd giggled
because almost any word can be made into something else
if you try hard enough.
So Farrah tried to tell her stories and it was a madhouse.
The crowd was already in Titterville when she tried to tell Dave
about a recent car wreck she was in.
"I was rear-ended."
So, you know the place went up in flames.
Dave shot a fast glance at the camera like Johnny used to do
and it was funny as hell.
Next up - she told the story about meeting Barry Bonds and how
he gave her the bat
he used to break the left-handed home run record.
"Barry has a beautiful bat, and it's
very big & long and it's black on the end."
Total mayhem in the crowd.
It was like Chris Rock on a good night.
Every word she said just came out damn funny.
Next up - Tina Fey.
Great-looking, smart and funny.
Tina didn't do a stand up, but she sat down with Dave and told
him one great story after another.
I'm not sure if it's her timing or her excellent material or
if it's that she's the most shagalicious comic
in the business, but she was making Dave and the audience laugh
like crazy.
You know how Dave laughs extra hard to help a guest out who's
not that funny?
This wasn't one of those times. Dave was laughing because she
was doing killer material.
She seemed to have too much to talk about. She was killing
the audience and Dave finally
had to say "Thanks for coming," because he had bigger fish to
fry.
To close the show, Dave had the best band in the world -
Garbage.
Shirley - Holy Koresh - she's so much better at working
a stage than Madonna.
Every word I said about Madonna last month was true, but Shirley
does it so much better.
Almost every song on the beautifulgarbage album seems impossibly
difficult to do live,
but Shirley & the band did it like they weren't even working
hard. They did Androgeny.
I wondered if they'd be able to duplicate the backwards music
and the funny effects
in that song and they did - hit it out of the park, a touchdown,
she shoots - she scores!
Great show, Dave!
Critics
Call White House Bush League
by Thomas M. DeFrank
Excerpt:
Not even the President is immune from criticism.
A highly placed Bush source called his refusal to say
whether he'd been tested for anthrax "a
totally stupid decision that will make people nervous."
"You either don't say anything or you say you've been tested," the source said.
Saw this on the BartCop forum - maybe he refused to be tested
because he didn't want the medical people
to know he's got a hole burned thru his septum like Richard Pryor
from doing too much cocaine?
Assassinating Bono
Read the Previous Issue
It had everything.
Copyright © 2001,
bartcop.com
Thanks for the
fumble, Dude.
