Fair & balanced... 
POLITICS - HUMOR - FINE TEQUILA - OUTRAGE - TRAVEL - ENTERTAINMENT |
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Gene
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Fair & balanced...
POLITICS - HUMOR - FINE TEQUILA - OUTRAGE - TRAVEL - ENTERTAINMENT |
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Gene
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semi-
Double Quotes
"Every serious democrat is glad that
Bush is president
and not Gore while we're going
thru this terrorism crisis."
-- Christopher Hitchens, who has even more hate
than Maureen Dowd
"That kind of wild talk just shows how
crazy Mr. Hitchens is..."
-- Barney Frank, on CNN with Hitchens the hate everybody
bastard
When Jesus Twins Lie
Busted at Goldies
She who must be made happy was looking to go out for a burger
Saturday.
Since BartCop's
Train Station closed in 1993, the best burger
in K-Drag is from a small family chain called Goldies Burgers.
It's a big-ass 1/3 pounder and they have some special seasoned
salt and a secret ingredient
that I think is Maggi's soybean seasoning made by, of all people,
the Nestles chocolate company.
Now, there are people who would kill for that secret, so write
it down. Next time you're in a store
with a lot of seasoning, buy you a small bottle of Maggi's (it's
3 ounces or so for $2.50) and sprinkle
some on the burger you're about to grill and tell me that doesn't
make a killer burger.
So we're sitting there enjoying our meal while a fellow was cleaning
the table next to ours and I was
telling Lorena something about the page (it bores her to death)
and when I said "Bartcop,"
the dude's head whipped around fast, as in too fast and
he stared at me. I was busted.
I figured out right away was was going on, because while he continued
to clean the table,
he'd steal a glance and clean some more then steal another glance.
I'm certain he wasn't staring at my matinee idol good looks.
This Just In...
CNN says U2
played My Sweet Lord as a tribute to George last night in Atlanta.
From: calabris@altavista.com
Subject: Fair and balanced
Wow, you call your site fair and balanced?
I sure would hate to see it with a liberal spin!
Charles Gulotta
ha ha
I knew they couldn't take it when I spun their horseshit
back at 'em...
Truth is, I'm more honest than anybody using that slogan.
I finally saw the Michael Jackson tribute to himself.
It was tough losing George Harrison.
You younger kids may not know, but when the GOP murdered John
Kennedy,
it was the baby boomer's original September 11th, and our lives
were severely shaken.
A nation in a funk, trying to pull its way out was helped by four
mopped-top kids from Liverpool.
Odds are the Beatles would not have achieved their strata without
the timing that put them
on the Ed Sullivan Show when America really needed something
to make us forget yesterday.
In their grief, some people are going overboard raking George's
accomplishments.
I heard one K-Drag radio DJ say that George maye have been the
quiet one,
but in many ways, his songs were among the Beatles loudest, which
is, ...inaccurate.
Sure, Gently Weeps is a great song, and Something
is a decent ditty, but Harrison was no Lennon nor was he
a McCartney, but his passing is still sad, partly because it
reminds us of our rapidly approaching mortality.
And we should remember that George invented the idea of the benefit
concert. He got Clapton
and Dylan and Leon Russell and some others together to help the
starving people of Bangladesh.
Rest in Peace, George.
From: blue-dot@mindspring.com
Subject: 35 dead American soldiers: Why aren't we being told?
Bartcop,
Here are links to two articles, one from
an Indian newspaper another from
Pravda, reporting that 35 American soldiers
have died in a battle with the Taliban.
I THINK that this predates what is being
called the the "first" U.S. war death
(that CIA guy). At any rate, it is not
being mentioned at all by the Pentagon or the U.S. media.
WASSUPWIDDAT?
<sigh>
-Mr. Neal
The links:
http://www.jang-group.com/thenews/nov2001-daily/24-11-2001/main/main7.htm
http://english.pravda.ru/main/2001/11/24/21859.html
Neal. no telling what's really going on.
All we know for sure is that Bush can't reveal what he's really
doing.
And anyone who knows the real reasons for this war must be murdered
- NOT brought to trial,
And he can't allow the Reagan papers out because we might find
out what his daddy's crimes were,
And if, somehow, those secrets get out, Bush will pardon everybody
to bury those secrets.
...meanwhile the Democrats are saying, "Bush
is MY president, and I support him 100 percent,"
while the lapdog press is saying, "It's
our duty not to ask any questions or to anger Mr Rove."
Is this the funniest site currently on the www?
http://www.mnftiu.cc/mnftiu.cc/war.html
Important message from Media Whores Online
Excerpt:
Email the New York Times letters@nytimes.com
Request that they meet their journalistic
responsibility, and minimize their embarrassment,
by "clarifying" their false headline
on the consortium recount as soon as possible.
Quotes
"I'm glad to hear from Mrs. Bush. Now
we will find out who she is."
-- Gloria Steinem
Gloria, no, it means we'll find out what Karl Rove & Karen
Hughes want her to be.
Pickles Bush has no opinions of her own.
She brags about the fact she's "no Hillary Clinton."
Why has this issue taken so long?
1. I've been stuck in Springfield, Missouri waiting for
a lady with a van full of kids
to make a left turn on a half-busy street
near the highway.
2. Everytime I open Eudora or Microsoft's Express my Windows
crashes.
3. When I got to work Friday my boss asked me to do some
actual work.
4. I was so blown away by the Garbage/U2
concerts I forgot how to write.
(Review to follow)
5. All of the above.
From: ChestRkwl9@aol.com
Subject: Identity of Blond in Gap Ad
B.C.-
That is Liz Phair at the end of the Gap
ad. She put out a couple of great albums in the last several years
- one is called "Exile in Guyville" which
was meant as a response to the Stone's "Exile on Main Street".
She also had a near hit single, "Supernova" about
10 years back.
Sorry to shatter your illusions, but she is American.
Hope this allows you to sleep better at night.
Love your site.
Emily
Emily, thanks for that.
Funny you should mention a good night's sleep.
After the second Garbage/U2
show (in St Louis) they had comedy pay-per-view back at the hotel.
I had trouble getting to sleep, so I dialed up "The Contest" episode
of Sienfeld to watch.
Everybody who ever saw Seinfeld remembers "the contest," where the four
tried to see who could
go the longest without masturbating. But who remembers the final frame
of that episode?
George started it all when his mother caught him with a Cosmo
and fainted so hard she hurt
her back and had to be hospitalized.
Kramer lost after he saw the pretty nudist from Jerry's window
and ran back to his apartment for
about 90 seconds, then came back and slapped his money down on the
table and said, "I'm out."
Jerry was trying to hold out, and couldn't use a "natural" outlet,
which was legal, because he was
dating Frasier's Daphne, who was a virgin and wasn't sure Jerry
was deserving of her prize.
Elaine paid up after her friend at the gym put her right behind
JFK Jr as he exercised.
But it was worth it for her because she got to meet John-John and
he asked her out on a date!
When Jerry's virgin, Daphne, found out he was in "a masturbation contest,"
she fled his apartment in tears
just as Elaine gave up waiting for JFK in front of Jerry's apartment,
figuring she got stood up.
Bottom line (massive applause) since Elaine wasn't there, John-John
tried to console the crying Daphne,
and ended up taking her out instead of Elaine. So the final shot that
closed the show was Daphne
rolling over in bed with a smile saying, "John,
that was the greatest."
Interior
Secretary ordered to trial.
Gale Norton ((R-dumpsinownbackyard) headed
for federal prison?
Excerpt:
A federal judge on Wednesday ordered Interior
Secretary Gale Norton to stand trial on contempt allegations
related to a long-running lawsuit accusing
her of mismanagement of a billion-dollar Indian trust fund.
U.S. District Judge Royce (Maximum) Lamberth
set a trial date of Dec. 3 for Norton and Assistant Secretary
of Indian Affairs Neal McCaleb to show
why they should not be held in contempt.
Ditto-monkey Mail
From: sharvey@Gaylor.com
Subject: ohh my god
"Exhibit B"
Clinton...def...THIEF, LIAR, CHEATER,
LIAR, CON-ARTIST, LIAR, FELON, LIAR,
RACIST, LIAR, IMPEACHED, and a LIAR.
Bartcop...def...DUMBASS, LIAR, MISINFORMED,
yo dude it would easy to prove you wrong if you
would pay attention.
I just read two pages worth the lies from YOU
not O'reilly, not Snow, not Hume, and not Rush.
You are a frickin whack man.
I don't know where your mama is but she needs
to smack your bitch ass upside that head.
I don't even think you know the difference between
the truth and lie.
You seem to know so much about who is a Liberal
and who is not...you sure did add about 25 people too many to the list.
I really don't even know why I am emailing your
pathetic ass.
You deserve less than the gutter for X-mas. Check
your facts and report back to this "DittoHead."
Sheridan Harvey
ha ha
Sheridan Harvey, that's a "dandy" name.
Any relation to Paul?
I'm not sure how, but I must've hit some new "faith-based" search engine,
because I got a ton o mail from knuckledraggers finding bartcop.com
for
the first time.
War on Terror
or War on Freedom?
by Gene Lyons
Excerpt:
A religious crackpot utterly unsuited to be Attorney
General, as recently as 1997 Ashcroft
appeared in a Phyllis Schlaffly-sponsored video
arguing that Bill Clinton was conspiring with other
Democrats to hand over the U.S. to a cabal of
"international bankers." It doesn't take a psychic
to know where he and Asa Hutchinson, his
running buddy at DEA, would like to take this thing.
Devil banned
from Florida town
A mayor has banned Satan from her Florida town.
Excerpt:
Carolyn Risher has composed a written statement
saying
"Satan is hereby declared powerless, no longer
ruling over, nor influencing, our citizens".
...and I thought Oklahoma had the stupidest political handjobs in America.
Why
we should all be concerned
about
the erosion of our civil liberties
sent in by Patrick
Excerpt:
I was held for fourteen days. I can say
that I was treated fairly well,
except that I was told nothing. My family
was told nothing. For three
days, my wife did not even know where I was.
She called the local police,
because she learned from the neighbors that it
was a local police car that I
had been taken away in, but they claimed to have
no knowledge of any arrest,
search or anything. They assured her that
I had not been taken away in one
of their cruisers. The neighbors assured
my wife that I had.
My wife only found out where I was because I was
able to beg one of my
guards to call and tell her. The guard
was very uncomfortable with the
whole situation, and did not like what the FBI
was doing, so he was willing
to help, at great risk to his own job.
I gave him a code to use so that my
wife would know he was legitimate and that he
had talked to me. He called
and told her that I was being held at FBI Headquarters.
Of course, when she
called to ask if she could see me, the FBI denied
that they had me. My wife
explained that she knew they had me, and they
assured her they did not.
This is the fault of the Senate Democrats.
They knew Ashcroft was religiously-insane when they confirmed him.
They knew Ashcroft would design a "new America" if he had the power.
Now Ashcroft has more power than Ken Starr ever thought about.
We have no more Bill of Rights.
We have only Ascroft's religiously-insane sense of right and wrong,
and when he reads The Holy Bible, it tells him liberals are evil.
From: (withheld)
Subject: Chocolate place in TN
What is the name of that chocolate place in TN
that advertises on your site?
I'm doing some Christmas shopping. Thank
you.
David
Dave, It's South's Finest Chocolate.
http://www.chocolatelovers.com
And don't forget to try some "break up" chocolate.
I don't think it's advertised on their site.
It's pure, plain milk chocolate, and it's the best you'll ever
taste.
bc
Remember when Paul Harvey claimed Clinton did nothing to
stop terrorists?
Snopes has a list.
http://www.snopes2.com/rumors/clinton.htm
Thanks to keydeer
Betraying the Faith
Excerpt:
Using a federal court system debased by
the extremist appointees of Ronald Reagan and the first
George Bush, the anti-democrats tried for
eight years to bring down a twice popularly elected president.
They failed in that, but a majority of
the United States Supreme Court, which once embodied the best of
American ideals, cynically stole the 2000
presidential election from the American people.
Hi to the Krispy Kreme ladies on I-44 in South St Louis county.
Sixty years ago Monday...
The Japanese 1st Air Fleet sets sail from
the Kurile Islands for Pearl Harbor.
The force, commanded by Admiral Chuichi
Nagumo consists of 6 aircraft carriers,
2 battleships, 3 cruisers, 9 destroyers
and 8 oilers.
They were heading towards the Hawaiian islands and a day of infamy.
I see where ABC has canceled the mildly-amusing Thieves,
starring Melissa George and John Stamos.
It wasn't the best show on TV, but buried on the weekend, what
ratings did they expect?
Meanwhile, they've ordered more epsiodes of Philly,
so we can all get depressed as hell
watching Kim Delaney cry herself to sleep at the end of everyshow
because her life is shit,
her partner is a lecherous slug, her ex-husband is a blackmailing
son-of-a-bitch and every
judge in Philly wants in her pants or he'll rule against every
client she every brings before him.
Yep, that's what America needs right now.
"Life sucks and it never gets better
so screw it and just cry about it."
I guess I'll check over at 
and
see what else is new in Entertainment.
So
Much for 2001
by The (Original) Die Hard
Excerpt:
The illiterate drunk is on his fortieth vacation,
napping while photo-ops are set up and his
daughters get falling-down drunk. His fawning
sycophants exhort us to believe "what a great
country this is," while dissenters are arrested
and disappeared by the "watch what you say"
Gestapo in the name of a faked-up, all-secret
"war." Billionaires quietly tell the "lawmakers"
they own that there's no need to pay someone
a living wage to do slave labor when people are
starving in the streets and will be happy to
take whatever crumbs are tossed to them - after all,
owning slaves is the dream of no-class thieves
who need to prove their "superiority" and
"prosperity" without actually being able to do
anything.
The Garbage/U2 Concerts
Excerpt:
By this time I figured we must be nearing the end.
They're running out of songs, I thought, and running long on
time.
Then they brought out Pride, for Martin Luther King Jr.
Halfway thru the song, a giant video screen appeared for the first
time.
It had Dr. King's face, nothing else - about eight feet tall
- staring at the crowd.
When it came to the chorus, Bono screamed, "Sing
for the King!"
...then while the band continued to play, something happened:
Dr. King's frozen likeness came to life and started speaking.
"Like anybody, I would like to
live a long life.
Longevity has its
place.
But I'm not concerned
about that now.
I just want to do
God's will.
And He's allowed
me to go up to the mountain, and I've looked over.
And I've seen the
promised land. I may not get there with you.
But I want you to
know tonight, that we, as a people will get to the promised land."
Early morning, April 4
Shot rings out in the Memphis
sky
Free at last, they took your
life
They could not take your pride
Jesus Christ, you think that wasn't a moving moment?
Nobody delivers like U2.
click
Lots of great toons on RB Ham's site...
Hey, wait a minute...
I just realized the last time I had a donut from Krispy Kreme
it was
the World Trade Center Krispy Kreme,
which isn't there anymore.
That's kinda sad...
The Heart
of the Warrior
by Barbara Hartwell
Excerpt:
The so-called terrorist attacks of
9/11/2001 against this grand
country of ours are ALL carefully planned
and orchestrated events .....
creating chaos, confusion and fear. The
ultimate outcome of which will be
Legislation that will further strip America
of it's civil and Constitutional rights.
It's hard for me to believe that, with my IQ of 64, I'm smarter than most Democrats in DC.
I didn't catch much hard news in the last week, mostly soundbites
from ABC Nazi radio.
But one phrase I heard again and again was, "The
Democrats are against the idea
of military tribunals for the terrorists
who bombed the World Trade Center."
Which leaves the Democrats looking like unpatriotic idiots.
That's not the case.
You never let the religiously-insane opponent frame the
argument.
Why don't the Democrats stand up and say,
"No, that's not the case. We are against the idea
of George Bush holding secret trials
for his former business partners to hide the crimes of
the Bush Family Evil Empire. We are
also against trials where the ACCUSED have no rights
because in the United States of America
we have, (or had) a Constitution."
Secret trials without a lawyer in front of a jury of Bush appointees?
I have a question:
What will the future hold for any Army general
who votes to acquit a suspect
that was HAND-PICKED by the Unelected Fraud
to stand trial in secret?
In Ashcroft's America, that general might be accused of being
a "terrorist sympathizer,"
and put on trial for aiding and abetting the enemy in times of
war. So, the generals might
have to vote "guilty" as a form of self-defense.
This is scary, scary shit, and the Democrats are meek, silent and scared.
Behind
the Scenes in the Beltway
Imperial America and the Homeland Colony: Return of the American
Caesars
by Al Martin
Excerpt:
Why are the Democrats going along with
it?
Why aren't the Democrats seizing this as
a political opportunity?
Because all the senior Democrats who sit
on these investigating
committees are being afforded unprecedented
amounts of pork.
Remember - Ashcroft is watching you.
He's reading your e-mail, he's listenting to your phone calls.
He's got a camera in your bedroom, "searching for Al Qaeda."
He's severely insane, and he controls all law enforcement in
America.
We in trouble.
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Read the Previous Issue
It had everything.
Copyright © 2001,
bartcop.com
Thanks for the
fumble, Dude.