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Quotes
"If drilling in the refuge is the crown
jewel of your energy plan,
you actually have no energy plan
at all."
--John Kerry, running for the presidency in 2004?
Does Rush read bartcop.com?
From: bushblowsus@yahoo.com
Subject: when pigboy flies
BC,
You were right. You said, in a few months, Rush
will be claiming a miracle has restored his hearing...
'"For the first time in four months via a
medical marvel, ... I'm hearing this," Limbaugh announced.'
"He told his listeners in October that he was almost entirely deaf"
October? Wasn't that when Enron started shredding papers?
Jeff Crook
Genuflecting
before the Bush Throne
by Gene Lyons
Excerpt:
Alas, His Majesty's single most generous supporter
turns out to have been running
the world's largest bookie joint. It collapsed
amid heaps of shredded documents,
taking the jobs and retirement pensions of thousands-the
biggest financial scandal
in U.S. history by a big margin. Nevermind that
Enron donated $100,000 to pay
for Bush's successful campaign to prevent a Florida
recount, placed corporate jets
at his disposal, then ponied up another $100,000
to finance innauguration festivities.
His Majesty's boon companion "Kenny Boy," an
overnight White House guest under
George I, got quickly demoted to "that man, Mr.
Lay."
...and
...the Boomer in Ermine is spending your
payroll taxes, which supposedly fund it,
to pay for tax cuts for multi-millionaire cronies
like the former "Kenny Boy" although
Sir Howard and the rest wouldn't dream of putting
it that way.
Go, Gene!
"I am the
Central Scrutinizer.
This
Lyons fella looks like trouble
Did
I see this Lyons guy on an al Qaeda list?
I
guess we'd better give him some secret torture and find out.
He
needs to be tortured in the name of justice for the sake of America.
Get
Torture Room 6 ready for this Lyons guy.
What
- Torture Room 6 already has someone in it?
Well,
then, put Lyons in Torture Room 5.
What,
Joe Conason is in 5?
So
put him in Torture Room 4.
What,
Molly Ivins is in 4?
Clearly,
we need more secret torture rooms."
Quotes
"Did you see the Golden Globes? Did you
see all the cops there?
The security was tighter than
Joan Rivers face."
--Jay Leno
Paula Poundstone
I'm not a big Paula Poundstone fan, never was.
But when she got busted, I smelled horseshit.
"Lewd behavior with a child" is what the headlines screamed about
her.
Last night, NBC very proudly revealed "the truth" about Paula.
They said she was guilty of drunk driving with the kids (no small
crime)
but all that "lewd behavior with a child" stuff was just a pissed
off kid
who was told "No," and dropped a dime on her Mom.
...didn't we tell that story months ago on bartcop.com?
NBC acted like they had some big scoop.
They just need to read more bartcop.com
Enron and Al Qaeda's Shared Link
Excerpt:
How did top executives of Enron do it?
How did they cause the world's
biggest bankruptcy while making off with
millions of dollars?
They used the same financial tools as Osama bin Laden.
To attack the Osama bin Laden financial
network, the Bush administration
knew right where to look -- in "offshore"
secrecy havens, including the
Bahamas, Switzerland, Luxembourg, Dubai
and Panama.
The Bush Family Evil Empire, bun Laden and Enron.
It's all one, big happy pack evil-doers.
Remember, by the time we get rid of the Bush Family Evil Empire,
we'll all be saying "Ich
bin ein Enroner."
Worldwide BartCop
From: coolmanchu@hongkongmail.com
Subject: WTC Investigation
Where am I going wrong on this?
The supposed "day that changed the world" - two
planes crash into a symbol of
American economic might - two thousand people
die and there's no investigation?
Am I somehow missing the news that there's an
investigation going on?
Yes, I *have* read that the officials in the
fire department are complaining that *their*
investigation is being hampered by the movement,
recycling or destruction of materials
from the WTC disaster ... but there doesn't seem
to be a lot of press in this regard.
Or it's just bypassing me...
I simply don't understand why, given an event
of this magnitude, and the supposed
assurance that these buildings were built to
withstand the collision of a large passenger
aircraft, everyone seems to have simply accepted
that no investigation is necessary.
This stinks very badly.
C
Check out Halliburton's stock
Looks a lot like Enron's stock, doesn't it?
Of course, former Halliburton CEO Dick Cheney has "no knowledge" of any of this.
The
Turnpike Scriptures
by Stephen Sacco
From: russ@clementem.org
Subject: Remember the Sliman Rules?
Recent news stories:
* Enron has been shredding so many documents that
they have to post guards to prevent more shredding,
even though they've been under investigation
since late last year and shredding documents is a Contempt
of Court/Contempt of Congress offense.
* A law student, unhappy with his grades, took a gun to his professor's office and killed three people.
* Enron executives sold over $1.3 billion
of stock while assuring the public that their company was in great shape.
They had already put in place an order preventing
their rank-and-file employees from selling stock. They had set up
illegal offshore corporations to hide their debt;
they knew the company's days were numbered and the stock was
due to crash. In other words, they raided the
company's money by stealing it from the employees.
* The country's largest accounting firm demonstrated
that they happily put the interests of their consulting agreements
ahead of the long-term interests of their clients
* Money intended for relief in Afghanistan has been diverted to the pockets of certain individuals.
* A man who publicly dated while married is now considered a paragon of morality
* Ossama bin Laden and Mullah Omar are still at large
Under the Sliman Rules (Bartcop issue 540,
repeated in 614),
this is all caused by the fact that the current resident of
the Oval Office is a man that always had everything
given to him, who made his money out of companies going out of
business, who strong-armed his way into whatever
he wanted, a man with prior drug- and alcohol-offenses who is a
known deserter but now CINC of our armed forces.
When you have someone like that at the helm, what do you expect?
Russell, good one.
Note
- Sliman is the only person ever banned from bartcop.com, unless
you count
that one really unstable guy who claimed he was my good friend,
whom I'd never met.
Sliman just kept bothering me like a swarm of flies, so I asked Perkel
to block him.
The
Wreck of the Enron Fitzgerald
As seen on a DemocraticUnderground.com
forum
From: (Withheld)
Subject: Why the media called
Smirk on his "Ken Lay supported Ann Richards" lie
(see yesterday's
issue)
BC--
I'm only guessing here, but he
A. Smirk ran out of nicknames and pats on the head for reporters
or the media:
B. Is tired of getting jerked around by
that lying toady Ari Fleischer
C. Took a look at itself in the mirror,
saw the hardened streetwalker's face reflecting back,
and decided to
do some respectable work.
D. Knew that other outrageous Bush lies/omissions
were not as easily disprovable as that one.
He still had the
gall to tell it, knowing how easy would be to prove false. Most of
them may be
lazy hacks, but
some of them may have some shred of professional dignity, and don't want
to be
insulted to their
faces. Amazing to think about, isn't it? Bush pushed his "luck"
with his media
flunkies so much,
some of them called him on a lie.
E. Maybe they read bartcop.com,
saw the photo of the Smirking Usurper wiping his glasses
on Maria Pope's
clothes, and finally realized he's been using them. We
can only hope.
Quotes
"...because I love Pat Benatar..."
-- Britney Spears when asked why she covered
Joan Jett's I Love Rock n Roll
on
her new album
advertisement
click
"I am the
Central Scrutinizer.
Pagans,
eh? That figures.
BartCop
in cahoots with pagans, I knew it all along.
Find
out who the head pagan guy is.
He
needs to be tortured in the name of justice for the sake of America.
Put
him in Torture Room 2.
What,
Gonzo Dave is in Torture Room 2?
What
about Torture Room 1?
What,
that mediawhoresonline.com gal is in Torture Room 1?
How
the hell am I supposed to enforce the laws of God
if
I can't torture somebody?"
I got some e-mail!
"You should receive your
stickers by the end of the month."
Woo Hoo!
Stickermania is coming!!!
They have an adhesive back, so they'll stick on stuff.
If you'd like some, send a self-addressed, stamped envelope to PO
Box 54466, Tulsa, OK 74155
and I'll send you 5 or 10, whatever you need. This sure-to-be
valuable bartcop.com collectable can be yours.
Koresh, 30 years from now, do you have any idea what BartCop Memorabilia
will go for?
30 years from now, the Elvis dolls and KISS lunchboxes will be right
behind the BartCop Bobbleheads.
If you want to include a pittance to help grow the hammer higher
- that's OK
...but you can get stickers without a donation.
Sidebar:
We have new rules.
If you're broke, ... if you're on Social Security,
...if you're watching your dollars,
do not send money with your requests
for bartcop.com stickers.
Geez, I'm getting some letters that would make
Karl Rove cry.
Don't send me anything besides stupid money.
Sometimes people say, "I canceled my subscription
to TIME
so I thought I send you the money I would've
sent them."
That'll work, I accept that as a compliment.
...but don't donate if you can't afford it.
If you send me some dollars when you're on SS,
that means I have to pay 34 cents for postage to
return your dollars to you, and (doing my best
Lee Marvin here) "..Lady, ...I don't have the time."
Sudden Contest!
A pound of the South's Finest Chocolate to the first person to post
on the BartCop Forum
the name of the movie where Lee Marvin said that.
Bonus 
Just this once, for the first person to tell me ...to whom, Lee Marvin
said that,
(Tamara Baker not eligible since I sent her a copy of this tape)
...gets a BONUS order of these things...
This contest will only last a few hours.
Hurry, hurry and get your answer in.
Somebody's going to get a POUND of the best chocolate made by man AND
some white-chocolate covered pheremone strawberries with strange aphrodisiac
properties.
ha ha
This chocolate is Rolls Royce.
Where else can you get Rolls Royce quality for just clicking on a treehouse?
...but, seriously, hold onto your money
If you don't have it to burn, don't send it.
What to do with the Palestinian Problem?
Lots of people had something to say about Palestine.
Consumer Consumption
”Pigs is Pigs”
Did you hear what wild man Mike Tyson did Lewis at the Lennox
Lewis press conference?
Holy Moley, is he crazy or what?
Just click on 
So easy, Smirk could do it.
Shirley Manson, contact bartcop.com
Send me your sticker pics!
Sticker
Contest!
click
Who's going to hell this week?
Michael Dare knows, and he's made a list!
They also have the great Harper's Week in Review.
Plus, Chelsea Clinton, Connie Chung, a great picture of
the Big Dog surrounded by a whole gaggle of fine-looking
babes.
Check today's 
There's those stories and tons more.
Happy Birthday to...
.....................................
Dr. Panty-dropper is 56,
Tiff Theissen is 28
her bondage collar is new
Arf! Arf!!
Can you roll over for me Doggie?
ha ha
Can you beg?
I want to hear you beg!
ha ha
Also born today: MacGuyver (1950)
Ernie
Kovacs (1919) NYPD's Miss Abandando (1963)
Gene Hackman, who's still kicking ass at 72,
and the great Robin Zander is 49
...ayiyiyiyiyiyi!
...the BartCop
Hex!
I ain't never had
a hex on me before!
...Jeb, Daddy,
Kneel, P, hep me, somebody hep me.
Make it go away!
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Read the Previous Issue
It had everything.
Copyright © 2002,
bartcop.com
Shirley Manson, contact bartcop.com