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Valentines
Day
...tick tock...
Quotes
"What elections did you win?
You've been in this town one year.
I've been in this town 50 years..."
-- Robert Byrd, (D-Klansman) screaming at Paul O'Neill
(R-Klansman)
I can't decide which Clinton-hater to root against.
Beware
unilateral war without end
by Helen Thomas
Excerpt:
President Bush used his State of the Union
address and some other recent speeches
to flex the nation's military muscle and
threaten several nations, designated as the "axis of evil."
Rarely has the world heard a more belligerent
American president. His tone and substance
have dismayed our allies as much as the
targets he cites -- Iraq, Iran and North Korea.
Such strident statements from the commander
in chief make you wonder. He's riding high
in public opinion polls and is daring the
world: "I can lick anyone on the block."
Helen, better be careful.
Rove or Hughes might try to kick you down some steps.
From: (withheld)
Subject: Your site
To those who write you to tell you your site is
'lame'--I'd really like if
they would include a link to their daily-updated
web page so I could compare.
Maybe they could show someone like myself what
a 'good' web site is.
Apparently, I have bad taste because I love your
site and think it is creative, honest,
unpretentious and funny-as-hell, and my I.Q.
must be well below 64 because as of yet
I've been unable to create a web page of my own
(and I've tried) with any abundance
of original material, nevermind something that
I could update every day, sometimes a few
times a day. I don't always agree with
your opinions, but I love how you express them.
Sincerely,
Melinda Floyd
P.S.--Pretzeldent Bunnypants is in town today.
Can't get near him to protest though,
but I am carrying anti-W propoganda in
my car just in case I have the misfortune of
running into his motorcade. If that fails,
there's always my middle finger.
ha ha
Thanks, Melinda
If flipping off Usuperboy gets you branded a "terra-ist," have a relative
contact me
and we'll try to scrape togther some bail money for you
BartCop
in Vegas with Danny Gans
Thanks to Dave, the Vegas Report
Editor
In September, President Bush vowed to bring bin Laden to justice.
...but bin Laden remained free.
In October, President Bush vowed to bring bin Laden to justice.
...but bin Laden remained free.
In November, President Bush vowed to bring bin Laden to justice.
...but bin Laden remained free.
In December, President Bush vowed to bring bin Laden to justice.
...but bin Laden remained free.
In January, President Bush vowed to bring bin Laden to justice.
...but bin Laden remained free.
It's now February, and President Bush vows to bring bin Laden to justice.
...but bin Laden remains free.
Bush doesn't want bin Laden caught.
As long as bin Laden remains free, Bush remains a deity to the
ignoratti.
No Constitution, no Bill of Rights, no privacy laws, no spending
limits, no warrants,
no Fourth Amendment, no restrictions at all for the fraud who
failed to win the election.
Bin Laden is the MVP of the Bush Administration.
Bush owes everything to bin Laden.
Everything.
Bin Laden will not be caught unless Bush is behind in the polls in October of 2004.
Quotes
"I don't want to go to work and get into
bed with someone else,
not even Tom Cruise. It's not
like I enjoy it."
-- Cameron Diaz, speaking for everyone
Gotta
check out 
Go Winter Olympics Crazy with
Bush promises broken concerning New York
Money-Grubbing
Games
by Paul Krugman
Excerpt:
The White House quickly tried to undo the
damage. Mr. Daniels retracted his remarks,
and Mr. Bush reiterated his promise to
provide $20 billion — just in time to have another
photo op with New York police officers
and firefighters. But the money is still not in the budget.
And that fact — together with the fact
that Mr. Daniels's initial remarks surely represented
his true feelings — says volumes about
the administration's priorities.
Dirty Deeds by the WSJ's John Fund
Excerpt:
Morgan was 23 years old the first time
then 43 years old Fund, took her to bed. Sounds all too
familiar doesn't it? According to Morgan,
John Fund was the third man she had been intimate with.
She had contacted him when she moved to
the New York area after a bad breakup with her previous
boyfriend. Instead of receiving consolation
from the man who had on occasion been her babysitter
back in California, Fund took her to bed.
In 1999, confronted with an unplanned and apparently
unwanted pregnancy, Fund abandoned Morgan
and without attempting to dissuade her, allowed the
distraught young women to have an abortion,
without any support from him.
Click Here for more on Fund the cradle-robbing scumbag from americanpolitics.com
+
=
Traficant trial update
"I'm
not crazy.
...give me $800."
From yesterday's issue:
I talked to Julie last night.
I mentioned the second sentence to her and she laughed real big and
said,
"Oh, sure, you and Bill Clinton."
ha ha
She has the best sense of humor in the world. Talking to her, even when
she's telling some dark
story about her once-peaceful life going straight to hell, she has
all these jokes and funny sidebars.
I guess when you've been thru what she's been thru, you either have
a great sense of humor
or you don't get out with your sanity intact.
I told her, "How flattering for me, sharing a woman with the
president."
She thought that was funny.
BTW, today, Christian is going to see Julie and might even spend the night.
Maybe you didn't know, but Christian was a copy editor for some big
shot NY advertising firm,
but her two biggest clients were in the WTC, so she hasn't worked since
9/11.
So for the next few days, she'll be going over Julie's writings - helping
her assemble pieces
and lining up the things that are coming soon to bartcop.com!!
ha ha
Can you imagine going thru what Julie went thru and then trying to write
the first chapter of
"How I spent the last four years trying to
avoid 40 years in prison?"
Geez, when I get back from a week's vacation I have trouble getting
started.
Imagine surviving a four year jihad where the government of
the United States
wanted your reputation destroyed and your ass in prison! Can
you imagine that?
Go Julie!
So, for the next few days, Christian won't be helping with the mail
because she's busy
helping an important historical figure prepare and organize her revenge
...I mean memoirs.
A
Few Questions for Kenny Boy
by John Montgomery
Excerpt:
When you finally realized the whole thing
was coming unraveled
and your entire life was about to get flushed
down the toilet,
did your big brass balls shrivel to the
size of cherries, peanuts or BB's?
True or False?
Reagan, Nancy Davis.
The eminence grise in the Reagan White House. Used astrology to determine
policy decisions.
Slept with Frank Sinatra in the White House itself. Personally pro-choice
but kept quiet and
supported anti-choice actions for her husband's career.
Former "Hostess Girl"/prostitute for the studios when they needed to
recruit someone;
reported to give the best head in Hollywood, in her day. Was pregnant
when she married Ronnie.
Linked with Milton Berle, Yul Brynner, Clark Gable, Peter Lawford,
Spencer Tracy, and Mike Wallace.
The stickers have arrived.
PO Box 54466, Tulsa, OK 74155
PoliticalStrikes.com has an excellent (but too large for me) toon up.
It's his 600th most-fine toon.
TV Sweep
weeks are underway
That means it's fund-raising time here at bartcop.com
We give it away here at bartcop.com
We're supported by the Honor System.
PayPal to bartcop@bartcop.com
.Support
Bartcop.com
POBox 54466....
Tulsa,OK 74155
This is really, really, really good.
It's funny and deadly.
If you sometimes skip the columns, don't skip this one.
2001: A Year of W.
by Barry Crimmins
Excerpt:
On September 12, while people lay trapped
and dying under piles of rubble, several administration officials
spent the morning telling us about the
mythical phone threat, along with other prevarications that must have
taken much of September 11 to prepare.
They also said the assault on the Pentagon was sort of a coincidence
because the terrorists were really aiming
for the White House. They called the Pentagon a "secondary target. "
Even if the Pentagon had been a terrorist
afterthought (and of course it wasn't), why bring it up while people
were still dead and dying in its wreckage?
Because the cheesy people who operate the marionette that occupies
the Oval Office value political viability
over human life, that's why.
"I am the
Central Scrutinizer!
This
Barry Crimmins character needs to be tortured right away!!
Put
him in Secret Torture Room 6 ...what? Molly Ivins
is in 6?
Well,
then, dammit, turn her loose so we can start torturing Crimmins!
Remember,
no lawyers and no phone calls.
This
Crimmins character is al Qaeda, I can just smell it.
He
might tip off his al Qaeda buddies if he gets his phone call.
He's
a genuine threat to America, so it's Giulinani Time for this one.
Besides,
if BartCop likes him, he's gotta be a subversive.
We'll
round up the radicals and make it safe for real Americans."
Excerpt:
A week before Noelle's recent arrest for
prescription fraud, she tried to illegally
acquire prescription medications THREE
more times at THREE different pharmacies.
But pharmacists were told to keep the
police out of it.
Of course, when Bill Clinton was running
for president, the media thought nothing of following up
stories that appeared in the tabloids,
including some far grungier than the Enquirer.
Will they follow up now? Will they
leave it to the Florida papers,
much as they've left the huge story of
Jeb's connection with Enron?
Of course the press will cover up crimes by the Bush
Family Evil Empire.
Mr. Rove has ordered a total press blackout on all Bush crimes.
Day 18 of the Shirley Grovelfest
So far,
...have not heard from Shirley.
Garbage played Tokyo last night and the night before.
I wish I'd been there.
Maybe some kid with a mini-disc recorded it?
.....
.....
.....
c l i c k
to
o r d e r
I got painfully addicted to beautifulgarbage while brainbaking
in Intelligencia.
Those songs have been skipping in my head for 15 weeks.
I tried replacing those songs with Garbage 2.0 songs,
but noooooooo.
All that did was add a dozen songs to my torture.
Won't somebody help me?
I need a brainwash.
Shirley - contact bartcop.com
PS. J.T. says "Tell Shirley I love her."
I had to locate a story in a back issue and I ran into this:
It's Laura Schlessinger's dating rate card.
Quotes
"They blow themselves up in order to
get at us, and we launch
3 million dollar missiles
off of giant floating iron islands 2000 miles away.
...who are the real cowards?"
-- Bill Hicks, who we lost in 1994.
Check today's
You gotta read The Great Limp Bizkit Scam, a great picture
of Angie Harmon
Hillary hanging with the boys, the Keith Moon movie, Muhammed
Ali,
Arianna Huffington, the most upwardly mobile Greek since Icarus,
plus U2 played the Super Bowl free, John Stossel (R-Rat Bastard)
the death of Felicity, and another Big Dog report
and tons more
...in today's
Happy Birthday to...
........
........
Nick Nolte is 61
John Lennon (1940)
Amber Valletta is 28
Also born today: Carole King (1942) Mia Farrow (1945)
Last night, I was asked if I ever met Susan McDougal.
I had the great luck to meet her in 1999 and I wrote about it
...I'm not
nervous, ...not at all.
You can
tell when I'm scared - my eye twitches.
The BartCop Hex is no problem for me.
Let's
Roll?
a very angry rant by BartCop
This issue is over.
Shopping
online?
Use the portal below and they'll throw bartcop.com
a nickel and
it costs you nothing more than whatever you were going
to pay.
Read the Previous Issue
It had everything.
Copyright © 2002,
bartcop.com
Shirley Manson, contact bartcop.com