Fair & balanced 
POLITICS - HUMOR -
FINE TEQUILA - OUTRAGE
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by Bruce Yurgil
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Quotes
"When you are the CEO and you are on the board
of directors,
you are supposed to know what's
going on with the rest of the company.
You can't get off the hook with
me there."
-- Betty Shilling,
mother of Enron CEO Jeff Shilling
Those giant screaming eagles have snatched a lot if Israelis this week.
Question:
If the Israelis were losing 50 people per day, would they consider
moving?
If the Israelis were losing 500 people per day, would they consider
moving?
If the Israelis were losing 5000 people per day, would they consider
moving?
What price religion?
Empire
Burlesque
by Chris Floyd
Excerpt:
MECCA, March 22, 2005 -- President Osama
B. Laden today called for a "regime change" in
the United States, saying the military
dictatorship led by unelected strongman George
Walker Bush "is an ever-present threat
to world peace."
Speaking in Mecca at a rally marking his
first year in power, the Saudi president said that
"issues of national sovereignty are beside
the point when the civilized world is faced with
the possibility of untold carnage. Bush
has long been developing weapons of mass destruction.
He has announced his willingness to use
them. He refuses to abide by international treaties to
curtail these tools of evil. I will not
wait on events while dangersgather. We must act."
Laden said the "last straw" was the Bush
regime's refusal to allow United Nations
inspectors into the United States.
Julie is not happy with the ticket price.
She's of the opinion that she should be paying to meet us.
I assume that's where the free beer, wine and appetizers came in.
She has asked for a price drop so we're going back to $100.
If you sent in more than $100
for a ticket since March 26, we will refund
the difference, or you can bring additional guests to make it even.
Our home
is shrinking every day
but Gov.
Bush says there's no
such thing
as global warming...
We found a GREAT deal on hotel rooms. Go to the attendees-only forum at
http://www.network54.com/Hide/Forum/149310 and check it out.
Only $94 if you book it online.
If you can't get in, send e-mail to baconslab@baconslab.com
He has a list of everyone who has been confirmed.
If you're not on bacon's list, check your PayPal history and see if your payment made it to us.
Quotes
"We will have peace when the Palestinians
love
their children more than
they hate us."
-- Golda Mier, quoted by the vulgar Pigboy
Put another way,
"The violence will end when Israelis
love their
children more than they love
that pile of sand."
-- BartCop
CNN Moves to Intensify Its 'Crossfire'
CNN has done everything short of hiring Michael Buffer to let
viewers know they will be seeing a feistier "Crossfire" starting
Monday
The on-air promos for the political talk show have even given
the lineup of panelists WWF-style
nicknames — James 'Ragin' Cajun" Carville, Tucker "Bow Tie" Carlson
and Robert "Prince of Darkness"
Novak. Democratic strategist, Paul "Longhorn Lefty" Begala, who
is also joining the program, has
become fond of saying that he looks forward to "kicking some
right-wing a--."
All that tough talk doesn't disguise the fact that the 20-year-old "Crossfire" has been in dire need of an overhaul.
For years, "Crossfire," which expands to an hour and moves to
7 p.m., was the only daily venue
to see proponents from each side of the political spectrum face
off for a program-length debate.
But the proliferation of 24-hour cable news channels has made
the format a commodity.
Once one of the highest-rated CNN shows, "Crossfire's" audience
has long been in a slow decline.
CNN will try to reverse that trend by presenting the show live
before an audience at the
Jack Morton Auditorium at George Washington University in Washington,
D.C.
You really should have a few drinks before you read this.
This is the dreaded, unfinished Washington DC 1998 story.
You long-time readers might remember the first part,
but the second part has remained in the vault all this time.
You think my writing is bad now?
You think my language is bad now?
You think my storytelling is jagged and ragged now?
It was so much more worser in 1998, but there might be
some laughs.
The Van Gogh part, in particular is extra-retarded, but
it's what was written
down back then and I try not to change the past.
...and again, this has the harsh language of 1998,
not the smooth refinement you see regularly on bartcop.com
in 2002 cough
Thank you, James, for not saying "...Julie who?"
Breeding
a press of water carriers, or the Age of Aquarius
Epilogue: Octopussies
by James Higdon
Excerpt:
The specious Republican logic used to attack
these regulations is that since technology has
created cable, the Internet, and supplied
numerous additional frequency ranges, there is
sufficient opportunity for a wide range
of voices to be heard without regulation. The simple
answer to this idiocy is that an octopus
may have eight arms, but all eight are still controlled
by only one brain. As of this writing,
six corporations or their subsidiaries own the entire
spectrum of what is referred to as "the
mainstream media" in this country.
What caused the traffic jam?
Thanks to Lori
When is Ozzy Osbourn's show on MTV again?
Ol' BartCop if you know.
From: DMullaley
Subject: bartcop.com Bush protest sign on Dallas TV news
My anti-Bush protest sign was shown on Dallas TV News last night -
"Impeach Bu$h - Energy Whore"
with bartcop.com on the sign ...and it took up the whole screen...
Here's the video.. The protest
bits are at the very end..but hey, they showed it !!!
http://www.wfaa.com/watchvideo/index.jsp?SID=2777320
Local Television shows protestors
WFAA in Dallas aired footage of anti-bush protestors
on the 6, 6:30 and 10 PM news tonight.
I thought the day would never come. Shrubby almost
fell down the steps of Marine one, but
more time was aired of the protestors.
ha ha
Good one, D. Thanks
Housekeeping
Marc Perkel is moving the main bartcop.com
server late Sunday night,
so if bartcop.com doesn't come up, give it
a few hours and check back.
click
Special
thanks to Democratic Underground.com
for
the great Juliefest2002 plug.
They will be attending, so we will see them there.
There's always something good at 
The
Smoke Machine
by Paul Krugman
Excerpt:
...there is a level of anger and hatred
on the right that has at best a faint echo in the
anti-globalization left, and none at all
in mainstream liberalism. Indeed, the liberals
I know generally seem unwilling to face
up to the nastiness of contemporary politics.
It's also true that in the nature of things,
billionaires are more likely to be right-wing
than left-wing fanatics. When billionaires
do support more or less liberal causes, they
usually try to help the world, not take
over the U.S. political system. Not to put too fine
a point on it: While George Soros was spending
lavishly to promote democracy abroad,
Mr. Scaife was spending lavishly to undermine
it at home.
Don't forget to check 
Will Oklahoma take it all?
Subject: Re: JulieFest
Bart,
I just have to say that I have been in on JulieFest
for myself since the $50 price tag.
I was going because I just think that what
she did deserved to be acknowledged.
I have been reading your column for the past
three years and never miss an issue.
This has got to be the best thing you have ever
done. I'm so glad that I could help.
My wife was non-commital about going, but I sent
a message to JulieFest on Monday
saying that I would take a ticket for her just
in case she wants to go, at the $75 price.
Is she going to be excited now that we get to
meet (hopefully) James Carville.
This is greatest bargain I have ever been part
of.
If I have any extra Funds I will write a check
at the door.
You have done it, I'm sure you are now on AssKKKrofts
short list for sure.
ed
How about some hemp clothes?
..
click to order Buy
3, get free shipping
Quiz
Tom Ridge — For a Price
Homeland Security Director Won’t Testify Before Congress,
But He Will Take Questions From Business Execs
Excerpt:
Tom Ridge still refuses to appear before
a congressional committee,
but he plans to speak to business executives
and take their questions next month
Ridge is a featured presenter at an April
9 conference in Chicago sponsored by Fortune magazine.
A ticket costs $1,955.
...gee, that makes $200 seem cheap.
From: Joe S
Bartus Copus,
Ah, the excitement grows. When I first told
the wife about JulieFest she
was like "That sounds nice. Have fun."
When I sent her a link to your page
announcing it was being held at Carville's place,
though, that got her attention.
Heh heh. Still waiting to hear if she wants
me to drop $200 on another ticket.
Good news, tickets are only $100
now.
So, as far as the dress code, would a nice pair
of black jeans and my
BartCop.com "Buck Fush" T-Shirt do? What?
Too casual?
Oh well, I'm sure I'll find something.
No jacket & tie is a relief.
ha ha
One question: Are people still getting
rooms at the Marriot, or is James
going to let us all crash on his floor?
If a lot of people stay at the same
hotel, we could probably get them to shuttle
us over to 24 and back.
Not that *anyone* is going to be too impaired
to drive, though, right?
Counting the days.
Joe, check the Juliefest forum.
We got a $94 deal for you.
http://www.network54.com/Hide/Forum/149310
If you can't get in, first register, then send your screen name
to baconslab@baconslab.com
he can clear all confirmed attendees.
King of Israel subject of Robert Ray addendum
Excerpt:
Savannah, GA – In a startling development
today, Stephen Sacco, the man who several
weeks ago proclaimed himself the King of
Israel and Rightful Ruler of all Palestine, was
found to be mentioned in an addendum of
the appendix to the footnotes of Robert Ray’s
report on former President Bill Clinton.
Ray said, "We probably have the evidence to indict
Mr. Sacco for very serious crimes, but
I seriously doubt he’d be found competent to stand
trial, plus I just don’t feel like it.
I have a Republican Senate nomination to snag."
Shopping
online?
Use the portal below and they'll throw bartcop.com
a nickel and
it costs you nothing more than whatever you
were going to pay.
Read the Previous Issue
It was damn fun to write.
Copyright © 2002,
bartcop.com
Shirley Manson -
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