Subject: What you can joke about...
Sir,
It has come to our attention that you have threatened
to make coyote jokes.
Mr. W.E. Coyote is one of our most valued customers,
and if you impugn his honor,
we will be most glad to support any effort on
his part in the courts to redress this grievance.
(signed)
Legal Dept,
Acme, Inc.
ha ha
Subject: The Bitter Reality Brought by the Swift Boat Veterans
Excerpt:
I can say too with even greater confidence that
had any person put themselves in for any recognition
they would have been laughed out of the Marine
Corps. The same goes for my reviews. Not once did
anybody in my chain of command ask me what they
should write, or if I wanted to write it for myself.
Had I or anybody else tried to tell our CO what
our review should be, or what it should include our
standing would have forever been diminished.
I am sure too that the review would have reflected our
arrogance and poor judgment.
Subject: Jobs
Hey Bart,
You know the Repubs like to say they are creating
jobs, well I know one way to prove they are not.
The help wanted section of the classified ads,
Courier Journal here in Louisville Kentucky on Sundays,
is about 4 or 5 pages in length. Back when
Mr.Clinton was the president, the same classified ads,
same help wanted section, on Sundays, was 3 separate
section of at least 20 pages each.
It seemed like a lot more people were hiring back
then. Bush comes to office, cuts taxes and all
the sudden there are no jobs. Is this merely
a coincided, or is this more of the bad bussiness sense
this man has shown all his adult life.
William
William, I remember when Clinton was president, every Arby's and Subway
had big signs,
"Please - we need employees - top dollar
paid - please apply."
These days, you can't find work - not even an Arby's job.
Bush has ruined everything with his greedy tax cuts for the super-rich.
I wonder why the Democrats don't try to stop him?
From: sugar moes
..
Picture of four shivering red-assed monkies beaten up by bartcop
Subject: It's the strategy, stupid
Hey Bart,
I guess you've noticed that Kerry's actually fighting
back as of late. He has come out swinging, and
swinginhard, against the swift boat bullshit
ads, and has made no bones whatsoever about attaching shrub's
name to them.
You could say that he or his people might be reading
your site; if they aren't they should be, or you could
say, they got enough flak from their people (or
maybe Theresa threatened to ram a foot up John's ass)
to get up and start fighting...
However, I think it's a bit more nuanced than
that. You see, in his immortal classic "The Art of War",
Sun Tzu advises to feign weakness, invite attack,
make the enemy overextend himself and his resources....
then hit back hard. I'd say that Kerry
has done just that.
By initially not responding, he made Rove think
the plan was working, and that they could rack up a lot of
easy Dukakis points. Rove must've been
grinning like a 50's schoolboy with his nose in a lingerie catalog
when Kerry slapped his own people for responding
with legitimate attacks on Bush's own record.
But notice what Kerry was doing. He was making
a statement to the effect of "let's keep it clean, let's get
out of the gutter, let's fight this out like
men, not like creeps in a student council election spreading rumors.."
He gave that a couple of days to set in, and
let the public hear the deafening silence from the Bush camp.
Hell no, they weren't gong to denounce those
ads, they thought for sure they'd found a kryptonite bullet,
and were going to use it over and over, gleefully.
Then, Kerry hit back. He made it clear the
ads were despicable lies, and finally, some people in the press
have found some stones and are reporting on all
the falsehoods being contained within the swift boat liars'
campaign. Hell, even FUX news is commenting
on the repug finance connections. Now Kerry's people
are releasing a whole series of ads denouncing
them for the liars that they are, the repug donors for financing
the lies, and most importantly, Bush himself
for refusing to distance himself from the lies, and in so doing,
becoming part of a disgraceful smear campaign.
Now, the position of the Bushistas has become
that much more difficult. They still have to get their
message out, and now also have to work feverishly
to patch all the holes that are getting machine-gunned
into their "swift boats".
If you think about it, this is the political version
of what Kerry did in Vietnam: present a vulnerable target,
draw enemy fire, get the bad guys to expose themselves,
then cut them down. Kerry has simply gone
back to what he knows.
A lot of nuance, I'm sure, and for someone like
yourself, who has all the sublety of a lead pipe
upside the head (an admirable quality for what
you're doing, really), it might be kind of frustrating to see
it play out in the early stages. Maybe
I'm being overly optimistic here, but it seems to me that Kerry
knows what he's doing, and is demonstrating that
he knows how to win.
BTW, I know you're time schedule is kinda tight,
but I would HIGHLY recommend Sun Tzu's "Art of War"...
a work of genius, and a quick read, and the best
blueprint the world has ever seen for surviving conflict.
Sorry for yet another lengthy treatise here;
hope you post this anyway.
Peace Out and keep Swingin',
Shade
Remove the caption from the Iowa picture and print
the mirror image.
Aloha,
Bryant
..
Subject: It's about time
Bart,
In addition to Kerry's speech before an audience
of firefighters, his campaign released
a new 30-second campaign commercial that features a former Green
Beret saying the
young Navy lieutenant saved his life under
fire....
Kerry said, "Of course, the president keeps telling
people he would never question my
service to our country. Instead, he watches as
a Republican-funded attack group does just that.
Well, if he wants to have a debate about our
service in Vietnam, here is my answer: 'Bring it on.'"
http://story.news.yahoo.com/news?tmpl=story&e=2&u=/ap/20040819/ap_on_el_pr/kerry_war_critic
Regards,
David B
Subject: recent Monkey mail
The monkey mailer claimed that Kerry had no postgraduate education.
Nonsense, Kerry is a lawyer and former DA (while
Dubya was turned down for admission to UT Law School).
Lawyers need to pass a bar exam, while MBAs are
under no such "quality control" (obviously).
Let Bart know, for next time some moron makes
such a stoopid and ignerrant claim.
Cheers,
Arne
Subject: 1000 dead
Dear Bart,
I keep hearing that "liberals are criticizing
the troops" when they argue that a war was a bad idea.
Constitutionally the military serves at the whim
of the civilian government.
They have no choice but to follow those orders.
When a liberal or John Kerry criticizes a war
he is criticizing the damncivilians who ordered
the military to make the war.
afb66
Subject: Kerry campaign
The Dems and Kerry have got to get better
more forceful spokesman.
There have been a spate of responsible
stories showing the Swift Boaters to be liars.
The Times on Thursday, The Oregonian Friday
, and especially Rood's eyewitness account
in The Chicago Tribune, posted on the web
on Saturday. Despite this The Dems have put forth
the most meally mouthed reticent spokespersons.
I saw Rush Holt vs. Peter King on
Fox 5:30 pm Saturday. NO mention of Rood, the Times
story Rasmussan, nada. Just some
"oh well this happened forty years ago and gee its not fair."
Scarboro had some clown who professed
to have been on a boat with Kerry one time, he waived
a piece of paper said it was an unsigned
report but Kerry must have written it and its a lie.
The Kerry spokesman thanked him for his
service didnt push any of the obvious flaws in what
the guy was saying and never mentioned
the authoritative Times article or any of its points.
I had to see this right before I went to
bed,God damn I was so ticked I could not sleep.
My grandma could have handled this argument
better and she spoke broken English.
When is Kerry's campaign going to
really fight back. These guys play for keeps.
Didnt they learn anything from the trashing
of Dukakis or the attacks on McCain in South Carolina.
You've got to hit back quick and hard.
I guarantee that t of the sixteen so-called Swift Boaters
there are skeletons in closets. Just looking
at them there must have been a nasty divorce or two,
bankrupcies, arrests.
Throw down , Throw back. Bush is desperate
and will stop at nothing .
He knows he cant get a real job. Many of
us think the real future of this country is on the line.
If Kerry is a warrior he should start acting
like one.
Jim P
New Jersey
Subject: stop beating me, massa
Listen,
I know you are not racist, or I hope that your
mockery of one Eldredge "Tiger" Woods is more
a commentary about capitalism in America rather
than a slap shot at black Asians taking over America.
All you have to say Bart, is "Yes, it's so,"
and we will stop jumping all over your pasty face.
I'm mocking the golfer, not the black man.
And if you feel like jumping on me - take your
best shot.
Yes, Tiger has done well for himself, win or lose,
apparently. I don't follow golf. I find it more exhilarating
to chart the course of blackberry vines, the
way they can chew up a par nine fence in staggeringly few strokes.
Amazing. But the blackberry vine just goes where
it goes. The same is true for your black Asian Eldridge, Bart,
the one you keep in your test tube, the one you
feel compelled to hold up to the light just about every issue.
Eldridge (Tiger) did not seek nor did he imagine fame or fortune as a golfer. He merely loved playing the game,
Stop it.
Who are you, his publicist?
...and he played it exceedingly well even in high school. He didn't seek professional endorsements, he wasn't a media whore.
Hold on - you say he fell into a $100M endorsement
contract from just one company by accident?
Sounds like you worship the guy, but at least
keep him on Earth.
He was just damned good at putting a stupid little
ball in a hole, ever since he was small. He devoted so much
time to this that by the time he was able to
make choices about the future, he had already made his choice
because he had burned all other bridges academically
pursuing what he really loved. Many young talented white
people do the same thing when they are talented
on one way or another.
Which makes me think Bart that you really are a racist pig, Bart,
ha ha
So, it's like that?
You're asking for an ass-kicking, Froggy
...because you can somehow separate a young white
boy such as Bob Dylan from pursuing his dream and
foregoing the normal trajectory in so doing,
while you treat Eldridge like some kind of disrespectful trained chimp.
You're comparing Dylan to Mr Perfect, Tiger Woods?
I think apples and oranges is a better match.
Why did you decide to make this about race?
By the way, your mainboy Dylan did quite nicely
for himself, even though we cringed when he had the nodes
removed to make his voice more "mellifluous."
Who needed a mellifluous Dylan? And so, what the fuck can you
possibly have against a young black Asian man
who is down on his luck in a way Dylan never had to endure?
Whose webpage are you reading?
Where did you get the idea I'm a Dylan freak?
Are you sure you have the right web site?
And who says I need a reason to dislike some once-great
golfer?
You're the one who made this about race - not
me.
Your whipin' Boy Eldredge doesn't get royalties, idiot. When HE loses, the money stops coming in. Get it?
Just when I thought your credibility could sink
any lower, you say when he loses,
the money stops?
He's done
nothing but lose for two years, and the corporate sponsors
still pretend he's number one.
That you can worship white icons for hanging in there as you dump on Tiger tells me only one thing.
Whose webpage are you reading?
Where did you get the idea I'm a Dylan freak?
Are you sure you have the right web site?
You may be a swingout liberal on some issues,
but you obviously have a blind spot regarding civil rights.
Probably a southern thing.
Satchmo
Wait, ...Satchmo?
Obviously you're mocking the great Louis Armstrong.
How dare you mock the man - just because he's black.
Is that how you better yourself?
By mocking the black man?
Do you have to destroy an innocent man to feel better?
Have you always been this racist?
Or did you learn your vile racism lately?
Are you currently a member of the KKK?
Have you joined in any lynchings lately?
You see what happens when you put words in someone else's mouth?
Apparently you think "civil rights" is about giving total, blind support
to all minorities.
Let me straighten you out:
Civil rights isn't about giving total, blind support to all minorities.
It's about not pre-judging someone you know nothing about.
From what I know about Tiger Woods - I don't like him.
I don't have to like him because he's black - that's stupid.
Just like a homeless killer isn't automatically innocent because
he's homeless.
If you have a problem with that - blome.
Subject: from Ohio
Bart,
I'm assuming this site echoes your sentiments.
http://www.johnkerryisadouchebagbutimvotingforhimanyway.com/
John K S
John, I agree with that only in that my vote for Kerry is certain.
I beat on Kerry because I want the war hero to stop taking shit from
the AWOL deserter.
I liked Clark better, but I'll feel real good with President Kerry.
Subject: black folk
Bartster;
Things that make you go hmmmm.....
I wonder who (besides KindaSleezy Rice) is going
to speak at NaziCon?
Colin said he ain't coming.
What national African-American figure will be
there?
BTW...
I'm an African American Vet for Kerry!
RT
RT, a shot of Chinaco for your service! 
Subject: Do you see a pattern here?
Bush wanted to "protect" the 2000 election by
stopping the vote counts.
Bush wanted to "protect" America from his Daddy's
love-child, Saddam, by invading Iraq.
Bush wanted to "protect" the economy by completely
destroying the federal budget surplus.
Bush wants to "protect" marriage from homosexuals
by hacking the U.S. Constitution.
Bush wants to "protect" our national forests
by cutting down more trees.
Bush wants to "protect" air quality by reducing
emission standards.
Bush wants to "protect" water quality by allowing
higher arsenic levels.
Bush wants to "protect" life by blocking stem-cell
research.
Bush wants to "protect" life by supporting executions.
Bush wants to "protect" life by taking away a
live mother's right to choose her health and well-being.
Bush wants to "protect" our veterans by cutting
their benefits and smearing their service to our nation.
Bush wants to "protect" education by slashing
education funds.
Bush wants to "protect" race relations by snubbing
the NAACP convention.
Bush wants to "protect" the 2004 election by
possibly cancelling it in the event of a "terrorist" attack.
Is it just me, or do you see a pattern here?
E Boyd
Subject: Big Deal
Learn how to defeat it.
Did you think they were gonna make it easy for
you?
?
I have no idea what you're talking about,
but I don't expect "them" to make "it" easy on me.
I'm too old to expect gifts from "them."
Subject: Wafer Madness
Grrr!! The RC has such a BAD habit of entirely
missing the point!!!!
Their little rules and obsessions choke people.
Jesus knew such people too and loudly condemned
them, see Matthew 23
Jitske
Subject: BTruth appears to be irrelevant
It is fascinating that 54% of the American people
continue to believe that Iraq possessed WMDs.
This shows the mendacious effect of intentional
government propaganda.
Goebbels did this for Hitler in the 1930's. First,
you put out the big lie. Then, your toadies in the
government-controlled media push that lie to
the hilt. That's all it takes. Subsequent disclaimers,
positon papers, scholarly treatises, media mea
culpas, etc, make no difference. The die is already cast.
Bush knew exactly what he was doing on this one.
He sold an unvarnished act of aggression on the
American people -- an act unprecedented in our
national history -- and he got away with it. The media
in this country have been disgraced by their
conduct on this one, but they are still not willing to admit it.
The "my bad" editorials by the New York times
and The Washington Post are laughable. Let's not kid ourselves;
Bush will follow this methodology again and again.
He's putting out the big lie right now on Kerry's war record.
Bush has no fear of the fourth estate. They are
toadies for his lies. Just look at the cable news shows -- they abound
with Republican shills who have become permanent
fixtures on these programs. These shills show up everywhere,
and they continue to repeat the talking points
issued by Rove. Liberals either are not invited to appear on these shows,
or, those who do appear are weak, ineffectual
and deathly afraid to say very much or to fight back.
You would think that this 54% poll would merit
blaring headlines, screaming that the American people still believe
a lie despite all objective evidence to the contrary!!
No, you're not seeing those headlines. What you are seeing is
a little article, buried deep within the news
of the day and given very little credence by the talking heads.
This is explosive information because it proves,
unequivocally, that Bush's lies worked, and are still working.
A fair and objective media would be totally and
completely agitated about this bizarre outcome, but I have yet to see any
such reaction.
Donald P. R
Subject: terror alert joke
Responding to criticism that recent terror-threat
warnings were politically motivated,
Homeland Security officials provided their most
compelling proof that the warnings
are justified and the threat of imminent attacks
is likely….President Bush will soon be leaving on vacation.
As always, thanks for letting me vent.
Damon
Subject: Franklin Delano Racist
Statistically speaking, white women have the longest
life expectancies
in the US while black men have the shortest.
Black men work their whole lives putting money
into a Social Security
system from which they won't live long enough
to draw benefits.
All their money then goes to support aging white
women.
Social Security is, therefore, an overtly racist
government program
created by the FDR administration.Bush.
Lord Hasenfpuffer
Subject: Mary Beth - how Kerry can win
All he has to do is quit playing the wimp and
act like a man.
He's got over 20 combat kills right?
Then say it dammit!!
Tell the American people like it is:
John could kick Bush's ass with one hand tied
behind his back and the 'chimp' (Bush) is nothing
but a blowhard, lying deserter who's so stupid
he doesn't know his asshole from a hole in the ground!!
Tell John to speak up, tell Arnold he's a wimp
and an idiot , tell the chimp he's a coward and a pussy.
And for Christ's sake, act like some one who's
killed 20 men in combat!!
I know for damn sure John wasn't feeling 'sensitive'
when he was pulling the trigger.
From a very, very pissed off liberal who believes
the chimp has to go, at all costs...
michael h
alamo, tx
Subject: NaziCon2004
Bart,
The GOP, being cowards, don't ever want to let
anyone (esp. themselves) know how
the rest of us feel about them. Certainly, they
don't want to see signs of protest. Well, here's an aswer to that....
Last October, when I was in DC for the protest,
Code Pink had a several-story banner hanging down
from a number of adjacent hotel rooms, which
cheered all of us. NYC, being bigger, has a bigger stage.
Now, back in the - I think it was the eighties
- someone arranged for a tribute to the most famous visitor
to the what may be the most famous and recognizable
landmark there. I propose that we all chip in, and
arrange to do it again, with him holding a sign
telling Bush where to go.
Y'know, it can't be that much to rent one of those giant inflatable gorrilas we see at car dealerships....
mark
Subject: wrong question, Bart
Instead of panty-waisting it off to the FEC, Kerry
should be asking BUSH THE SAME QUESTION
- knowing what you know now, would YOU still
invade Iraw?
Makes it obvious the question is moot, since everyone
KNOWS President
Bush knew what he knows now: THERE WERE NO WMD!!!
Gmw
Kansas city mo
To: Howie the whore
Subject: swift boat vets
Howie,
You never cease to amaze me. Only you could
do a show about the Swift Boat Vets and try to say
it is an example of the Liberal Media being tougher
on the Swift Vet ad than on the Move On ads.
* First off have any Move on ads had wall to wall cable coverage for two weeks?
* Second have any been the subject of 2 Nightline shows?
* Third has any move on spokesman been given the same amount of airtime as John O'Neill?
* Fourth has anything in a move on ad been factually disputed and subsequently proven to be false.
This is yet again a perfect example of how the
mainstream media is led around by the rightwing smear machine.
I will say that it has done a better job than
in the past of fact checking, but it still has given far too much time
to
this classic right wing smear campaign.
It takes me back to the 90's. Perhaps you and all of the media should
interview David Brock to refresh your memory
of the tactics of the conservative smear machine.
Take an accusation, post it on Drudge, have talk
radio push it, have editorials in the WSJ and Wash. Times,
then saturation coverage on Fox and MSNBC.
Then comes the best part, the conservatives cry and claim the
liberal media is ignoring the claim. Then
CNN and eventually the Networks cave and give an accusation far
too much coverage before actually checking it
out.
Now as I said the mainstream has done a better
job examining this ad and its backers, but the genie is out
of the bottle and just having it out their serves
the conservative purpose of smearing Kerry.
Even if everything is eventually reported as being
fabricated its too late.
Remember 50% still believe the phony Saddam/AlQueda
connection and 56% still believe there were WMD's.
Is there a double standard? I remember a
book in 2000 called Fortunate Son, which claimed Bush did Cocaine.
Its funny though I don't remember its Author
being given hour upon hour on cable to push his claim.
Larry Flynt has a book with some interesting claims
regarding the young Bush and some alleged abortion,
yet he hasn't been given wall to wall coverage?
Why are only right wing smears given airtime by the alleged liberal media.
It seems to me if anything the media is tilted
to the right or at least is too timid to stand its ground to conservative
bullies who force teir smears into the mainstream.
Come on Howie give me a break.
thank you,
stevie g
Subject: Tobe Kief?
Haha..
Did you see the South Park episode making fun of Kief?
I'm so glad you're still around after all these years I've been reading you, by the way
Jessica