One nation, under occupation... 
Wielding a part-time hammer in a full-time war. POLITICS - HUMOR -
FINE TEQUILA - OUTRAGE
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click for great toons
Quotes
"The obvious line about Ashcroft's 13-month
investigation that netted
12 hookers in New Orleans is, "How'd
he miss the other 10,000?"
--Molly
Ivins
Bush
squirms in sleaze scandal
Oil shares deal launched his political career
Excerpt:
Two weeks before Bush moved to sell, on
7 June, Faulkner provided Bush with minutes
of an executive committee meeting warning
of a 'shutdown effective 30 June unless third-party
funding is found'. Harken, it said, had
lost $28.5m in trade credit since the start of the year.
Bush sold on 22 June; on 20 August, Harken
posted quarterly losses of $23.2m.
Although the SEC elected not to prosecute,
an internal memo advised that the halt
of the investigation 'must in no way be
construed as indicating that the party has
been exonerated or that no action may ultimately
result'.
Ashcroft To Attempt Shutdown Of 911 Evidence
Excerpt:
The letter also disclosed that Ashcroft's
Office will push for the appointment of lead counsel,
effectively exerting a consolidated supervisory
role over all victim family attorneys, while seeking
adoption of uniform [similarly controlled]
discovery requests to streamline litigation, reduce costs
for all parties and conserve judicial resources.
Informed sources close to the case told
Scoop Media that actions brought by the Justice
Department will dilute and trivialize the
more clear-cut and important cases which seek answers
to many of the questions related to security,
negligence, and prior knowledge of the attacks.
The B.F.E.E. will shut down any attempt to get to the truth.
The truth is kryptonite to this gang of illegal, unelected thugs.
Quotes
"I lost a bit of my ego, but those carnivorous
days of swallowing cities whole
seem to have been replaced with a feeling
that I'm doing something that is
so wholeheartedly beautiful that I've
found nirvana."
-- Robert Plant, on the difference between then and now
I should write about the times we met, and why he screamed
the
last time he saw me.
We once met in Muskogee, Oklahoma, swear to Koresh, on a Sunday
when the bars
and liquor stores were all closed. I gave him a half gallon of
Crown Royal.
...and if you think I'm lying, I'm not.
If I was lying, I'd claim I met Jimmy Page.
Cheney in Numbers
Cheney's 2000 income from Halliburton:
$36,086,635
Increase in government contracts
while Cheney led Halliburton: 91%
Minimum size of "accounting
irregularity" when Cheney was CEO: $100,000,000 (One hundred MILLION
dollars)
Number of the seven official
US "State Sponsors of Terror" that Halliburton contracted with: 2 out
of 7
Pages of Energy Plan documents
Cheney refused to give congressional investigators: 13,500
Amount energy companies gave
the Bush/Cheney presidential campaign: $1,800,000
Catholic Church hits new low
Church
sex-abuse hotline manned my shysters
Excerpt:
Two women who called a hotline set up by
the Catholic Diocese of Sacramento for survivors of
clergy sexual abuse have filed a lawsuit
claiming they were misled to think they were talking to
a counselor, when the person who answered
the phone was actually the church's legal advocate.
''The church was using the victims' hotline
to protect itself legally, and as a Christian,
I find it appalling,'' said plaintiff
Delores Sharp Nelson on Tuesday.
So, ...a person is abused by a priest, and the Catholics set up
a hotline to answer complaints,
but what you get is a grilling from the Church's lawyer?
Is that how Christ would've handled it?
...speaking of Catholics...
The poor Catholic Church.
They've gone and hired Oklahoma's Foot-in-Mouth Oklahoma Governor
Keating to help them
get over their sex hump. (That doesn't sound right)
But the problem with that is, Keating was
in line for a cabinet level position, maybe even Attorney General,
but then Bush's crack staff
found out Keating was a dirty bribe-taker in addition to his
foot-in-mouth problem.
When Keating got caught taking $250,000
from some drug-maker who, coincidentally,
just got the exclusive state contract providing mind-numbers
for Oklahoma prison inmates.
When Keating was confronted with the $250,000
bribe
donation, he said,
"He didn't give that money to me, he
gave it to my wife for the kid's college."
ha ha
He's no Bill Clinton, that's for sure.
But, as always, it gets much worse than that.
When asked what was the best way to handle the OK Teachers union,
he said "...homicide?"
Then, in an attempt to get back on the good side of Oklahoma school teachers, he called them, "slugs."
ha ha
Last one - when his wife ran for the seat Steve Largent (R-Jesus
Twin) gave up to be king of K-Drag,
she lost Tulsa County BIG-time and the reason, according to super-Christian
Frank,
is because "The people of Tulsa were
too stupid," to vote the right way!
ha ha
Make him stop!
This is the guy the Catholic's got to speak for them in times
of crisis?
ha ha
Frank Keating has said more stupid things than Ol' BartCop!
Re-read that last sentence, then tell me how much trouble the
Catholics are in.
Subject: Bartcop IS (still) The Press
Howdy, Bart,
Thanks for running the thing I wrote to you, and for your thoughtful rebuttal.
In disagreeing with part of it, though, you really
made my point.
For example, why did the submarine story sink?
Because so few people beat the drum.
The story was reported everywhere, it didn't get
the proverbial "legs"
because there wasn't any organized uproar there,
too few people
connecting the dots, and (no surprise) it disappeared.
Why do YOU and ME and YOUR OTHER READERS remember
it?
Because you properly beat the drum about it,
then and now, and we
might have slightly better memories than the
average bear.
(Not saying we're smarter, necessarily, but...
OK, we're smarter.)
Complaining that it disappeared is a waste of
energy, since it clearly
didn't for you and me and the good people with
whom we associate.
You mention the "Clinton didn't inhale" story
running for ten years as another example.
WHERE did we hear that for a decade -- from news
stories? Certainly not.
We heard it from right-wing morons who beat their
drums. They may have been
beating with, um, slightly limp sticks, but at
least they showed up.
So I still say it's not up to the bogeyman of
The Press to fight our battles,
make the stinks, beat the drums, or cast the
votes.
That's OUR responsibility, and here's hoping
we're up for it.
-DaveS
Editor
The (soon-to-exist) Bean Magazine
Take Route 66 to Las Vegas!
Today's Mini-Bonus Issue
Too bad the press was afraid to ask...
Lt. Bush Was Too Drunk
to Fly! (Critics Claim)
(From campaign scandals 2000 Series)
Great Tom Tomorrow toon about Dick Cheney!
Party of the Year
Dilemma: Should we party or not party?
I prayed for God to send me a sign.
The date.was 7-11!!!
God wants us to go to Las Vegas
and play craps!
His will be done!
So, the party is on.
If we end up with 30 people ready to party, we'll take over the
Pink
Taco
or rent a bus and go to Area 51 or whatever the hell we
want to do.
If 60-more people want to party, we'll need a room, but rooms
can be had.
In Las Vegas, you can do anything if you whip out the
plastic.
The hastily-named BartFest
won't have any speeches unless we snag
some celebrities, which is another reason to move forward. Instead
of speeches,
maybe after a few shots I'll show you some of my high school
dance moves.
It's a secret, but I was black in the seventies and could dance
like Hootie.
Maybe we can get Maddog or Daddy-O to perform this time.
Make your own hotel reservations.
Reminder: Las Vegas is NOT Magic Mountain.
September
28th - tickets on sale!
I need to remind everybody, if you're TOTALLY broke, go to Vegas
on plastic,
have the best week of your life, then file bankruptcy when you
get home.
Think of it as Visa's way of saying "Thank you for using Visa."
Things to do in Vegas
1. Desert
Demonstration Gardens
2. Red Rock CanyonVermillion
Wonderland
3. The Grand CanyonMore
than a big hole
4. The
Mirage Volcano, Siegfried & Roy and their White Tigers
5. The Stratosphere
Tower and it's mile-high roller coaster
6. New
York, New York The greatest city in Las Vegas!
7. The
Fremont Experience brought downtown back to life
8. Star
Trek The Experience, Las Vegas Hilton
9. Area 51What
the hell did I just see?
10. Mandalay Bay The
Sharks! The Sharks!
11. The lakes and
the boating Ain't nothing like it!
12. The Bellagio
One of the nicest hotels in the world.
13. Hear
the Juliefest Soundtrack The best music ever!
14. The Venetian
"Best hotel in the world" Conde Nast
15. Food & Drink is off the scale in Las Vegas.
16. Paris in Vegas!
Propose to your girl inside the Eiffel Tower
17. The Strip at Night only Times
Square could come close
.
18. Hoover
Dam Marty E! says they have the coolest art deco rest rooms!
19. Get married by an Elvis Impersonator!
You know it's going to last if Elvis says so.
20. The Liberace
Museum Hey, go ahead and laugh - I did.
21. Caesars Palace
22. Death
Valley If you find beauty in the desert, this is Fort Knox.
23. Utah
It's so beautiful, the Osmonds moved here.
.....
If you're from back east,
you gotta check out what your country looks like.
Utah scenery is spectacular.
If you're in Las Vegas for as few days, see Utah.
Smoking a fattie at Canyonlands
National Park is fantastic. See why Bill Clinton
set aside parts of Utah to
be left pristine - before President Swipe drills here!
24. Arizona
There's a lot more to Arizona than the Grand Canyon.
Pick up any Arizona Highways magazine
and see what's there.
.....
25. The company.
My good friend Jim Higdon told me he
HAD to be there, if for no other reason
than he wanted to meet and speak to other
politically like-minded people.
The conversations you'll have at BartFest
are
some that you'll never forget.
The friendships you'll make will last a lifetime.
Meet and speak with people you've
been e-mailing and chatting with for years.
Meet the writers you've been reading on
Bartcop, Buzzflash and MWO. Hell, find
a way to write this off on your taxes!
Make Uncle Sam pay for the funnest weekend
you've had in ten years!
Hell, just deduct it and when you get caught,
say, "What? That's not legal?"
BartFest
is a must - for the good of America's future.
Click Here to see details of the first twenty two suggestions
Talk to me!
Crossfire’
after 20
Boosting ratings by toughening tone
Excerpt:
"Crossfire' also put new emphasis on the notion
of political debate as contact sport,
airing promos that featured Begala, Carville,
Carlson and Novak in boxing gloves and robes.
The move worked like a charm. Since the
revamped “Crossfire” debuted in April,
its household ratings have soared 57
percent. Foley calls the new show “Crossfire with Tabasco,”
a reference to the fiery Carville, who
hails from the same state as the hot sauce."
What?
Ratings up 57 percent?
...can't figure out why?
Maybe the majority is tired
of 24/7 horseshit from ditto-monkeys!
Maybe the majority that got
f-ed in Florida wants their country back!
I'm tell you - someday, maybe even in our lifetime, a Democrat
is gonna stand up and say,
"No, Mr Bush! I refuse to kiss your ass one
more minute."
We're going to STOP
you!"
That person will have my vote,
and he or she will quickly become the most popular political
figure in America.
Knowing the Democrats, our savior will be Jeffords, ...McCain or ...(choke) ...Larry Klayman.
God help these do-nothing Democrats.
"No, ...I'm
saying very little
of my inheritance
came from
Jewish
slave labor at Aushwitz!
You're
out of the pool, Lambchop!"
U.S. Congress: Missing in Action
Excerpt:
"So if there is to be an invasion, let it come
at the declaration of Congress. After a full and open debate.
After members of Congress have looked into
their own hearts and listened to their own constituents
and fully considered all of the ramifications
and consequences. Let the president follow the direction
of Congress rather than the other way around...Every
member of Congress took an oath to
uphold and defend the Constitution of the
United States; it's time they took that oath seriously."
Yes!
Let's pretend our country is worth fighting for!
Let's pretend freedom means more than saying "Yes, Sir," to
ourdominators.
We're going quietly into the night, and that's horseshit!
People need to get out of bed and walk to your window and
shout out,
I'm mad as hell
...Buck Fush!!!
Subject: liberal media?
I totally agree and have been trying to
tell everybody
I know for years that there is almost NO
liberal media.
There is a small center, then right of center.
There are several decent neutrals, but
that doesn't always get our noses
out of shape so we get off our tufts and
"just do" something about it.
We need a real voice on the left.
Who do you nominate?
Len Wheeler
Len, I nominate the first Democrat who will stand up and say,
"No, Mr Bush! I refuse to kiss your
ass one more minute."
We're going to STOPyou!"
But where the hell is he/she?
How many more billions will Bush steal before anyone says anything?
They read it in Nagasaki.
They read it in Cairo.
They read it in Topeka, Kansas while making cat food.
...bartcop.com
Beating children for Jesus
Pastor,
brother face charges of beating 11-year-old boy
Excerpt:
A church pastor and his twin brother surrendered
Tuesday to face charges that they nearly beat to
death an 11-year-old boy for cheating during
his Bible studies In the arrest affidavit, police said Joshua
Thompson whipped the boy with a stick while
his brother held the boy's face down.
The boy's mother said her son was dropped
off at home and that Joshua Thompson told the family
he was unable to "break" the boy and that
he should be beaten for another two hours.
Police said the boy's back was a giant swath
of red, peppered with cuts and blood spots. A nurse told
investigators the boy's injuries caused
his kidneys to fail and that he needed a blood transfusion to live
The
Evil Dick Cheney
by Jackson Thoreau
Excerpt:
I have mixed feelings about attempts to
impeach Dubya Bush. Sure, I want to see
this liar/thief/hypocrite exposed as the
traitor he is and driven from office as Nixon was,
never again to utter a simplistic "dead
or alive" comment in public again.
But then, we'd be officially stuck with
Dick Cheney as the main man in the White House,
although many believe he already is. And
that would be worse than having Bush in that position.
My dream scenario would be a re-enactment
of Watergate, where the vice president is forced
to resign before the president follows
suit. Add to that the resignation of Scalia, Ashcroft and
Rumsfeld, and I'd start believing that
God does have more than a superficial effect on our
political process. Thank you, Jesus, thank
you, Lord.
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