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Quotes
"I'll tell you, Janet Reno was a much better
attorney general than John Trashcroft.
If they put this guy's brain in a hummingbird,
it would fly backwards.
-- James Carville
Hey, we could lose in Iraq
Excerpt:
The administration talks like victory is
a no-brainer. How short sighted! Compared to the defenses
we'll face in Iraq (and the reluctance
of many allies to join the crusade), the war in Afghanistan was
a cake walk, and we can't even declare
victory there yet! Osama bin Laden still seems to be on the loose,
and by all accounts the country itself
is turning back to the ungovernable mess that has always made it
vulnerable to conquerors and, more recently,
terrorists.
What would victory look like in Iraq anyway?
Killing or capturing Saddam Hussein?
Sure, that's the primary purpose of the
exercise, but if we couldn't find a foreign figure like bin Laden
in the wasteland of Afghanistan, it'll
just be harder to detect Saddam in the tunnels and bunkers
of a land he has designed for his own protection.
Catholics
I'm trying to throttle back the Catholic-bashing, but it's hard,
y'know?
It's like cutting back on the Bush criticisms, when a new outrage
hits every day.
This time, according to yesterday's USA Today, the Boston Herald
reports the Boston Diocese
is claiming "We can't afford to pay
all our rape victims," but they've failed to mention the
$160M in unused property they own in the Boston area.
That's unused property.
Koresh knows how many billions they are using to raise more money,
but this is unused property.
It reminds me of a husband who was caught cheating on his wife,
she files for divorce,
he claims he's penniless but then her lawyer finds that $160M
he stashed away.
Why is the church hiding assets and claiming they can't afford
to pay their victims?
Why do they think lying and cheating is the way to atone for
their serial rapes?
The Catholic Church needs a serious infusion of ethics.
Subject: audience feedback
Dear Bart,
Here is my feedback: You do a great
job. That is first and foremost.
Thank you.
I am sad to see that you still support the
Democrats, who I fear are selling us
down the river without remorse, excepting
Leahy, Lee, McKinney and a few more.
Whoa!
What point are you not making?
It's not like we're all in a giant grocery store, and I have my choice
of sixty cereals,
but I intentionally keep buying the worst cereal when there are 59
better brands.
I assume you're a Naderite, which is a little bit crazy on it's face.
Nader got 3 percent, and that's the most he'll ever get.
Hell, Perot got, what 17 percent? ...and he's a certified loon!
Can you be more specific?
(Of course, I'm not one to argue...)
I am sad to see that you still support Clinton after his abuses such as NAFTA,
Objection!
Clinton gave us the best economy we ever had, and NAFTA surely was
a component of that.
I have yet to hear a valid objection to NAFTA, besides vague Naderite
platitudes.
Please explain yourself.
...arms sales,
Objection!
Whar arms sales?
Are you on that Limbaugh bandwagon about selling missles to China?
Want to hear an MP3 of Bob Novak saying that never happened?
Or is it arms sales in general? If we're the biggest arms seller,
we can cut somebody off
and control their warmongering (like we're the nation to do that :)
...and the simple fact that he lied.
Oh, please!
If
the Republicans spent $100 million, and the press spent another $100 million
lying about YOUR sex life, how honest would you be on live TV?
What if the FBI interviewed everyone you ever dated, met, worked
with, spoke to etc
and threatened them with death in prison unless they gave up details
on your kinky sex life
...and you're upset that Clinton wasn't extra-forthcoming?
Clinton's sex life was NONE of our business.
You seem to have bought into the GOP spin that Clinton owed us those
details - that's sad.
I am sad to read your commentary on Rush;
I don't know why you waste your time and talent.
This used to be Rush
Limba - Lying, Nazi Whore.
Since we've been html-enabled, we challenge so much more than
just one vulgar Pigboy.
I'll bet there are many issues where his name never comes up.
Thank you for your pro-2A stance, and thank
you for your courage
and dedication in raising the big hammer.
Long may it bang!
Kick some keester in Vegas,
Meredith
Meredith,
You started on my side, then went semi-Nader-crazy with almost-truthful
allegations
and spookily-hidden references to things perhaps best left to the imagination,
then you close with "Long may the big hammer
bang?"
I shouldn't exhort the Dems to
wake up and do their jobs?
I should be tougher on the best
president America ever had?
I should spend less time criticizing
the GOP's top spokesman?
...but you close with overall support for the big hammer?
If your intention was to confuse, the Eagle has landed.
Rebuttal is welcome
Rush the Fraud
Wednesday, end of the first hour, Rush said,
"If you know what you're talking about,
there's no such thing as a hard-hitting question."
This, from the man who screens his calls tighter than anyone in
show business.
He's such a ridiculous fraud.
Quotes
"President Bush's administration has squandered
a budget surplus, left the economy adrift,
had some of its biggest campaign contributors
plead guilty to corporate fraud and handled
the war on terrorism so ineptly that
the United States finds itself with little support in the
world despite being horrifically attacked
less than a year ago."
-- James Carville,
Bentonville Arkansas
The
Bush Cabal: An American Kleptocracy (Part 2)
by Al Martin
Excerpt:
Bush continues to waffle on the new war.
On CNN, there was a press release issued
by the Bush White House stating that they do not want to consider
a full blown war against Iraq, until such
time as the administration has concrete proof that Saddam Hussein
is developing bio-chemical weapons. At
the every same instant (I was watching three TVs), Fox News had a
statement by the CIA saying that is safe
to assume that Saddam Hussein has at least some biochemical
capabilities already developed. Then, at
the same time, there was a release by the Department of Defense
stating that we now have conclusive proof
that Saddam Hussein is developing biochemical weapons.
Fairness
in Broadcasting Just Ain't on the Radar Screen
(or How I learned to stop worrying and love the propaganda wars.)
by Pipecover
Excerpt:
I think we can all agree that the "Bartcop
Radio Hour" would be the perfect antidote to the Rush Limbaugh Show.
But what if the Fairness Doctrine were
reenacted the day before poor Bart's debut?...
Now for this to work, we'd have to let ol'
Bartcop be himself, right? So Bart (I hope) would call for impeachment,
special
prosecutors, investigations, criminal arrests
of top government and korporate officials, a legitimate declaration of
war by
congress; he'd rail against the churches,
slap the hypocrites, demolish the ditto logic of hapless monkey callers,
ridicule
the ridiculous, and so much more. It would
all be so intoxicating, except that...
Before he even got off the air, the station
would have hundreds of freepers demanding free air time to rebut Bartcop's
positions. And that's only the freeps;
there'd be Rush-led ditto-spanks; there'd be konservative pundicks, Repuglican
political operatives, and fundies by the
score -- all demanding to be heard. For free, mind you.
Pipe, good stuff.
Do you remember my answer to campaign finance reform?
The trick is, anyone can buy as many ads as they want, but the
opposition
gets the last third (or quarter, whatever) to answer the ad's
allegations.
So if the super-rich oil companies buy 1,000 TV commercials, the
last 15-20 seconds
could have the Sierra Club showing dying sea otters and remind
people of the other side.
Same could be done with the Fairness Doctrine.
I wouldn't mind if some ditto-spank had 15 seconds after a rant
of mine.
That'd almost be like a debate, which I can't get anyone to agree
to.
When we're
done with our cheers,
can we
check today's bartcop.com?
Pardon
My Secrecy
by Joe Conason,
Excerpt:
Why would the Bush Administration attempt
to grant itself the most sweeping executive privilege
in presidential history, supposedly to
maintain the secrecy of Bill Clinton's pardon deliberations?
It can't be an effort to protect Clinton,
whose reputation the White House has literally trashed
from day one of Bush II. Perhaps
the White House counsel wants to insure that no one ever
obtains any pardon documents from the first
Bush presidency, when some very strange favors
were granted to Armand Hammer as well as
a Cuban terrorist and a Pakistani heroin smuggler?
Joe, I hate to disagree with you, but I don't think that's what
Bush is hiding.
He can't allow ANY pardons to be revisted, for any reason.
His Number One priority MUST be hiding
the Iran-Contra pardons.
They prove Reagan and Bush were felons who rigged the 1980 election
and sold weapons to terrorists.
Those pardon papers probably prove Bush was "in
the loop," thus he committed perjury when he swore
under oath that he didn't know anything about Iran-Contra.
(I mean, how out-of-the-loop and the ex-CIA
chief and acting president be on a hueueueuege
and risky foreign policy gamble?)
They had to pardon everyone to bury the truth, that Reagan
was a cliche-spouting simpleton,
and law-breaking Bush 41 was really running the country while
Reagan wore the sash and gave speeches.
But Joe, when you're writing a column every day, I know it's easy to get frazzled ;)
by The Pieman
Guess what?
The best publicist bartcop.com has ever had
is also a writer.
How good a writer is she?
She's a finalist in the William Faulker Creative Wrting Awards.
Woo Hoo!
No names, of course, because publicity isn't always a good thing,
but there's a very talented writer amogst we.
Subject: Tutu or Hammer? graphic
Bartcop,
Sending the pink tutus to cowardly democrats is
a really good idea. To keep the cost down
they don't have to be really good tutus or even
real ones for that matter, no one is actually going
to put one on, I only wish they would. Bartcop
volunteers with a sewing machines could crank out
a few dozen pink gauzy things to put in packages.
Heck just a short roll of the right pink material
would do. A cheap but high quality computer printed
photo on the package shows an expensive pink
tutu and appropriate Pink Tutu Democrat branding.
A press release may jump start news coverage
of the event.
I figure each "tutu" could be made and shipped
for $10 or a little less.
Robert
Free stickers for all subscribers
and BartFest ticket holders
or with any donation to bartcop.com
Send in your sticker pictures.
Free ticket to BartFest for best real sticker picture.
and
Free ticket to BartFest for best sticker graphic.
Subject: regarding the Dallas Cowboys...
I'm a Packers fan, so I hate the Cowboys as much
as the next guy, but for you to dredge up
the days of the "Crackboys" in conjunction with
the Rams, who have two murderers
(Leonard Little and Georgia Frontiere) is a little
silly, don't you think?
Whoa!
I've never heard of Leonard Little. Is he in
the front office?
Also, I've heard rumors about Georgia - was anything
ever proven?
The accusations of rape turned out to be false,
but the people that Little and Frontiere killed
really are dead.
Whoa, Nellie!
Hollywood Henderson did hard time for raping
a paraplegic confined to a wheelchair.
Lance Rentzel did time for exposing himself to
young boys. There are others, but I need a staff.
(I realize it's wrong to accuse then plead "need
a staff," but I once knew the names by memory
so I know they exist.)
That's like cheering for Ray Lewis to sack Brian
Griese because Griese has a couple of DUIs.
We need a sense of proportion, here.
DARRELL
USAF
Salute to our fighting men!
Maybe someone will write with the names of the other Cowboy criminals.
Housekeeping
This is a weird issue, because today is a weird day.
Plus, I'm too excited to write!
Details below...
Random Las Vegas story
There's a guy I know here in K-Drag - we'll call him "James L."
I'm not sure what he's doing these days, I try to keep my distance.
James was the first drug dealer I knew with real cocaine.
Most coke you get is crappola, cut 8 times because the greedy
dealer can't
control himself - so he screws his customers, which causes fights
and shootings and,
in general, gives cocaine a bad name. But James had the
real stuff.
Once, back at the Hard Rock Island live music club I owned, a
couple of cops
walked in and James hands me a .38 and asks if I'd hide
it while the cops were there.
Friends like that I don't need.
James is/was the party animal of all party animals. He didn't
party that often, but when he did,
he lost all control. He'd have some friends over, buy an ounce
of this pure coke, get a case
of Dom Peringnon (who can spell that?) and some hookers and they'd
drink and do drugs
and do each other for, swear to Koresh, days at a time.
There's a LOT of James stories I could tell, but maybe the less
said the better.
So, one day, my then boss "Mu," asked James of he'd like to go
to Vegas.
Mu knew a mobster in Muskogee who was bribing judges, and was
therefore arrest-proof.
The mob guy called Caesars and said "Show
my friend Mu a good time."
So Mu gets a small high-rollers suite, which was about $10,000
a day. (Not really, because
the high-rollers suites are all "comped" or giveaways.) So those
two wild men fly to Vegas.
James had money, but not as much as Mu. James drank - heavily,
on the flight out there.
The whole flight, he kept saying he was going to bet BIG when
he got to Vegas.
True to his word, they landed drunker than Bush in that wedding
video.
(I'd like to run it, but the traffic would bankrupt Perkel).
James the nut walked up to the first
blackjack table he could find and slapped down sixty-five hundred
dollars bills. "Deal," he barked.
He busted on the first hand - and now he was totally broke.
The dumb mother-effer had been in a casino about five minutes
and lost his whole bankroll.
Trust me, I know this guy - it happened.
So now Mu had an extremely angry drunken coke-rattled semi-mobster
to deal with.
What to do?
He turned him loose on his whale suite, or whatever it's called.
James had revenge on his mind, so he went nuts ordering room
service.
He ordered over $200 worth of breakfast. Hell, he had lobster
and crab and I can't even
tell you what all a $200 breakfeast has because I'm a bacon/sausage
breakfast man.
The whole rest of the weekend, he sat in Mu's room and whined
about "how unfair" Vegas was.
Hey, Dumbass!
You don't have to bet your entire wad on one hand of blackjack!
So when you get to Vegas, remember my old friend James.
Sidebar: I had this idea
(Uh-Oh, grab hold of your wallet!)
Wouldn't it be fun if, just before the
actual "Fest" began, we all met at some roulette wheel at The Rio
and did a "group gamble?" We
already have about double what a roulette wheel will hold, but what if
each of us put a $10 or $20 on a different
roulette number?
Wouldn't that be exciting?
That means one of us would transform their$20
into about $600!
How exciting!
We would all be standing their as a group,
knowing in the next sixty seconds, one lucky bastard
would have a big-ass gambling windfall.
Then the rest of us could spend the rest of the night pressuring
him or her to buy us breakfast the next
morning or something!
It's Las Vegas,
where they have very few rules.
Vegas is so utterly evil, they allow
you to gamble!
Woo Hoo!
Today's
bartcop.com update is late?
Whyyyy?
Woo Hoo!
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We've got to build a bigger hammer.
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BartFest2002 - Party at the Rio
Make your own hotel reservations.
BartFest tickets will be available until the night of the party.
Update
I got a phone call yesterday, from a legend, a very positive phone call..
If you take away the people we met in DC
at JulieFest2002, and don't count the Clintons,
I think this is the most exciting person
in American politics that we could get for the Fest!
I was not able to get a guarantee, I got
a maybe/probably.
This person is busy, busy, busy and was
not able to commit, but something tells me
we will be successful and we will, indeed,
be having the Party of the Year!
It's not my intention to tease you, it's
just that I have no idea what I can say.
Remember last time, 3-4 weeks before the
DC event, James Carville gave us the OK
to announce that we could have JulieFest
at his place? He asked us to leave his name out of it
until he was sure he'd be free to attend
- and he did.
I could get solid confirmation at any time.
There is a project that is expected to be finished soon,
and when it is, this most exciting person
in American politics (TMEPIAP)
is looking forward to meeting every one
of you in the most exciting city in the world.
Easter Egg Alert: If you click on every link (not the back issues) you will find clues.
It's my opinion that if you've followed
politics the last few years, you would agree that
meeting TMEPIAP was well worth the trip
to the most exciting city in the world.
It's also my opinion that if you don't
make it to Las Vegas, when you realize you missed
your chance to meet TMEPIAP, you may considering
harming yourself!!
So - for
your own safety -
get that plastic out and make your plane and hotel reservations,
right after you Click
Here and sign up for the biggest weekend you're going to have in
a long time.
Is this a solid gold guarantee?
No.
It's a gamble!
...but hell, this is Las Vegas, where people TAKE big gambles and a gambler has to have FAITH.
You need faith!
The worst that could happen is you and your fellow Democrats will
party like thieves and have
the most exciting weekend, and you won't have to contemplate
suicide for missing the BIG party.
Concerned about your budget?
We all are, so consider staying at Lady
Luck for only $55!
.
You California people are tardy, so call your friends and tell
them you'll split gas and a room
with them and get ready to get out of the Bush-inflicted doldrums
and PARTY!
Just 29 days ...and counting
(Oh, Lord, please don't let me lose my
ass on this!)
Isn't it exciting?
September
28th - 
tickets
on sale!
Click Here to see Bart's 48 (so far) things to do in Vegas.
Click Here to see Dave's 100 Things to do in Vegas
Talk to me!
Special bartcop.com Exclusive
Casino
Gambling: The Absolute Minimum
A primer on how to not lose your ass gambling at
the casinos
by George
Backus
Click Here for Installment One
Click Here for Installment Two
Click
Here for Installment Three 
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Read the Previous Issue
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© 2002, bartcop.com
shrl
Heard at BartFest
