The most recent episode of Friends

 I'm no expert.
 I've missed some Friends episodes this year, because some cheap Utah motels don't get NBC.

 Add to that - and this is a constant - when I tell you what happened, it's what I remember,
 it's not exactly a transcipt or a video of the event, you understand.

 Somehow, Chandler's job gets him tranfered to ...(gulp), ...Tulsa, Oklahoma.

 If you want to see the picture Webster runs when you look up "comedy."
 check the look on Monica's face when Chandler says, "Will you move with me to Tulsa?"

 So Chandler goes alone, and he's staying in a fine hotel waiting for his permanant move - ? - I don't know.

 Meanwhile, Monica feels bad that she chose living in a real city over following her husband into Hell,
 so she decided to pay Chandler a surprise visit.

 The scriptwriters have asked us to pretend that if a woman shows up and says "Hey, I'm his wife,"
 that they hand her the keys, but that's what they needed to make the story work, so we forgive them.
 

 ...it wouldn't hurt to fasten your seat belt...
 

 Monica barges in to Chandler's room suddenly, and catches him masturbating.
 Chandler tried to do two things at once, and failed. He gambled and lost.

 First, as he saw the door opening, he wisely changed the channel.
 The channel he accidentally selected was Discovery, and it was Shark Week.

 Second, he tried and failed to make it look as tho he had not been masturbating.
 So, ...Monica's logical conclusion was that Chandler was masterbating to shark attacks.

 ha ha
 It's a comedy on NBC.

 Hey, I can hear you guys bailing wholesale on Ol' Bart, but this isn't something I'd ever bring up.
 This is "America's most-watched comedy show."

 Of course, there was some other sub-plot, and I use the term with much generosity, but when they
 get back to Monica and Chandler, Monica's horn is honking so she rents a shark attack video
 so Chandler can watch it as she wontonly shakes her tail at her poor and helpless male victim.

 Hello?
 Can't Michael Medved do something about this?
 Doesn't Laura the Unloved have a role to play in this?
 Bill Bennett - call your hooker!

 Eventually, Chandler says "What's with the sharks?" and Monica reminds him that he was caught,
 so Chandler explained that he was merely masturbating to the porn channels that EVERY hotel offers,
 (and I've never stayed at Oral Robert's hotel, but I understand Oral likes the money)
 and the shark video was his attempt to cover up his sexual humanity..
 

 Reminder:
 30 million people watch Friends.
 That's more people that read  bartcop.com!

 So, here at Bartcop Manor, while I applaud the show's frankness, I worry about
 the effect reality will have on the religiously insane who currently rule our lives.
 

 But ...let me close with a mild word to the ladies.
 When your man leaves town, if all he does is masturbate with a hotel movie - count your blessings.

 I'm old, almost 50, and I've worked for 4-5 companies over the years, and I guarantee,
 when most men leave town - they consider their wedding vows a local issue.
 I've been to 10-12 "conventions" and every one was a horn-fest.

 Everybody but me got a hooker every time - at every convention.
 I have some great hooker stories I'll share when I find some time.

 Sidebar:
 You think Las Vegas was built on gambling money?

 ha ha

 If I was the type to screw up, I would've engaged that mas fina Lolita Urgento
 who was trying to impeach me in that Nuevo Laredo Boy's Town back in 1975.

 In closing (applause) I was surprised to see the masturbating-to-sharks episode of Friends.
 It just seemed to be an odd topic to have on a show that begins the family viewing hours.


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