I'm no expert.
I've missed some Friends episodes this year, because
some cheap Utah motels don't get NBC.
Add to that - and this is a constant - when I tell you what happened,
it's what I remember,
it's not exactly a transcipt or a video of the event, you understand.
Somehow, Chandler's job gets him tranfered to ...(gulp), ...Tulsa, Oklahoma.
If you want to see the picture Webster runs when you look up "comedy."
check the look on Monica's face when Chandler says, "Will
you move with me to Tulsa?"
So Chandler goes alone, and he's staying in a fine hotel waiting for his permanant move - ? - I don't know.
Meanwhile, Monica feels bad that she chose living in a real city
over following her husband into Hell,
so she decided to pay Chandler a surprise visit.
The scriptwriters have asked us to pretend that if a woman shows
up and says "Hey, I'm his wife,"
that they hand her the keys, but that's what they needed to make
the story work, so we forgive them.
...it wouldn't hurt to fasten your seat belt...
Monica barges in to Chandler's room suddenly, and catches him
masturbating.
Chandler tried to do two things at once, and failed. He gambled
and lost.
First, as he saw the door opening, he wisely changed the channel.
The channel he accidentally selected was Discovery, and
it was Shark Week.
Second, he tried and failed to make it look as tho he had not
been masturbating.
So, ...Monica's logical conclusion was that Chandler was masterbating
to shark attacks.
ha ha
It's a comedy on NBC.
Hey, I can hear you guys bailing wholesale on Ol' Bart, but this
isn't something I'd ever bring up.
This is "America's most-watched comedy show."
Of course, there was some other sub-plot, and I use the
term with much generosity, but when they
get back to Monica and Chandler, Monica's horn is honking so
she rents a shark attack video
so Chandler can watch it as she wontonly shakes her tail
at her poor and helpless male victim.
Hello?
Can't Michael Medved do something about this?
Doesn't Laura the Unloved have a role to play in this?
Bill Bennett - call your hooker!
Eventually, Chandler says "What's with
the sharks?" and Monica reminds him that he was caught,
so Chandler explained that he was merely masturbating to the
porn channels that EVERY hotel offers,
(and I've never stayed at Oral Robert's hotel, but I understand
Oral likes the money)
and the shark video was his attempt to cover up his sexual humanity..
Reminder:
30 million people watch Friends.
That's more people that read bartcop.com!
So, here at Bartcop Manor, while I applaud the show's frankness,
I worry about
the effect reality will have on the religiously insane who currently
rule our lives.
But ...let me close with a mild word to the ladies.
When your man leaves town, if all he does is masturbate
with a hotel movie - count your blessings.
I'm old, almost 50, and I've worked for 4-5 companies over the
years, and I guarantee,
when most men leave town - they consider their wedding vows a
local issue.
I've been to 10-12 "conventions" and every one was a horn-fest.
Everybody but me got a hooker every time - at every
convention.
I have some great hooker stories I'll share when I find some
time.
Sidebar:
You think Las Vegas was built on gambling
money?
ha ha
If I was the type to screw up, I would've engaged that mas
fina Lolita Urgento
who was trying to
impeach me in that Nuevo Laredo Boy's Town back in 1975.
In closing (applause) I was surprised to see the masturbating-to-sharks
episode of Friends.
It just seemed to be an odd topic to have on a show that begins
the family viewing hours.