Volume
1047 - Damascus Steal
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Friday April 18, 2003
Quotes
"In Iraq they found one of Saddam's family
palaces, and here's what they found.
Yhey found a private zoo, Prozac and
pictures of naked women. It's sort of like
Michael Jackson's place - except for
the naked women.
- Dave Letterman
"I don't
get it..."
Carving
Up The New Iraq 
by Neil Mackay, as seen on truthout.org
Click
Here
Excerpt:
Just look at one example -- under our power-brokers
section you will find Andrew Natsios. He's the head
of USAid, the government department which
hands out Iraqi reconstruction contracts. Would it surprise you
to find out that Natsios has a connection
to a company called Bechtel which is -- yes -- tipped for a rather
lucrative contract? Then there's IRG. It
secured one of the eight government contracts up for grabs.
Are you shocked to learn IRG has four vice-presidents
and 24 other staff who at one time worked for USAid?
There's also a subsidiary of Halliburton,
the oil giant once run by Dick Cheney (Bush's number two),
which stands to make a cool $500 million
out of reconstruction.
With only a few exceptions, there is a smoking
gun for all those behind the reconstruction work.
Whether it's a seat on a board, shares
in a firm, a favour owed here or there, these question the
impartiality of seriously powerful people
and ask important questions about the levels of self-interest
that lie behind the rebuilding of Iraq.
While Iraq may be free of Saddam, it looks like it's going to be
the most lucrative country on Earth for
the foreseeable future -- at least for US hawks anyway.
Quotes
"President Bush says that he is watching the
situation in North Korea very closely.
During the day he is watching reruns
of M.A.S.H."
-- Conan
Please,
No More Made-in-the-USA Monsters
by Col. David Hackworth, Retired
Click
Here
Excerpt:
Rumsfeld rushed to Saddam's palace in 1983
to bow and scrape and assure the Bully of Baghdad
he had a Ronald Reagan-signed blank check
for almost any bombs and bullets in our arsenal.
After which our generals and admirals taught
him how to use them, completing his morph into
a master of Military Miscalculation.
Subject: Oh God
- The Skakels are Republicans
The Skakels are Republicans.
That's right, Ethel was a Republican when
she married RFK.
So, in fact, was Jacqueline Bouvier (or
at least her father was) when she married JFK.
Doesn't it figure that if a Republican whacks
off in a tree, Democrats still end up taking the heat.
I wish that RFK Jr. had avoided the magazine
article and the television appearance.
Cal in Michigan
One
McWar to go, please
The McDonald's information minister appeared before the world's
press
angrily denying that the fast food giant had finally lost
the burger war
Click
Here
Excerpt:
"Our heroic leader Ronald McDonald has scored
another momentous victory," he declared,
as the famous golden arches came crashing
to the ground behind him. "Our glorious Egg McMuffins
have never been more popular!" he shouted,
as the share price tumbled and outlets were closed around the world
Meanwhile, the whereabouts of Ronald McDonald
himself remain a mystery.
Quotes
"The actor that plays the Dell computer kid
has been arrested on pot
possession and may do jail time. Dude,
you’re getting a dude!
-- Craig Kilborn
Subject: Congratulations
Bart,
Although I work with computers 16 hours
a day -- and despite the fact that my entire business
revolves around computers and the Internet,
I am one of those people who are hesitant to click
on new links. But I clicked on your Forum
link about 10 days ago and I was astounded by the
massive amount of good information that
is being exchanged there.
You have the ability to set up resources
that are, to me, truly addictive.
It is inspiring to see such a large gathering
of True Americans (as opposed
to the Mushroom Americans) posting information
on your forum.
Congratulations for that -- if BartCopRadio
is as addictive as BartCop.com
and the BartCopForum, you will have
another winner.
Bob in Oklahoma
Note: Bob was the only person to drive to both Fests last
year.
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Beginning Monday, April 21 The
Mike Malloy Show is Moving to 9PM to Midnight ET!
Clinton
blasts Simpleton's approach to international affairs
Click
Here
Excerpt:
"Our paradigm now seems to be: something terrible
happened to us on September 11,
and that gives us the right to interpret
all future events in a way that everyone else in
the world must agree with us, and if they
don't, they can go straight to hell."
Damn, I wish we had a real president again.
Subject: Paul Begala
Bart,
Your problem (and April's) with Begala
is my problem with him. I'm sick of hearing him
say Bush wouldn't use war for his own political
purpose, and this war isn't about oil.
A week ago he said his heart swelled with
pride when he saw that marine stupidly drape
an American flag over that Saddam statue.
What the hell was he thinking?
I guess you can take the boy out of Texas,
but you can't get all the Texas out of the boy.
Dan Leahy
One thing - if being nice worked, I wouldn't mind so much.
But when Begala says, "Bush is a good
man who really loves his country,"
Bow Tie boy shoots back with, "And Clinton
is a dirty baby rapist."
Marty's
E! page
Bill Maher has Ann Coulter & Dennis Miller tonight
Michael Moore says CNN re-mixed audio of his Oscar speech
More 'Slavercise'
Tommy Lee cleared
'CSI: Miami' reruns to A&E
Britney Spears dropped stalking charges
And, HBO postponed Oliver Stone's documentary on Castro.
click
Last
night on Dave
It was a new show, not a rerun, yet they did the James Brown "Cape"
thing,
which is odd for a Thursday, since their history
is that they do it on Friday.
Paul was his spectacular self, begging to know the reason why
the bitch done left him,
as his 50-year old knees hit hard on that Ed Sullivan
Theater stage floor with jarring pain,
there was Paul Schaffer, needing rescue in the most show business
of ways - and who came to his rescue?
Rudy
There's only one Rudy these days, right?
I made fun of him yesterday, for taking his "girlfriend" to Mass
with him,
but there's no denying that Rudy was there for us on 9-11.
You more-leftist-than-Bart Democrats might disagree, but what
happened, happened.
Smirk ran like a scared bunny while Rudy stood like a man and
helped America get thru her worst day ever..
Howard
Stern goes wild on the air
Click
Here
Excerpt:
"Let the FCC take me off the air, I don't care,"
Stern railed. "Foul language is all around us;
porno is rampant and, you know what? The
country's running fine. Fuck the whole goddamn show
and get rid of me. My time has passed.
Let's take me off the air for three years and see if America
changes. Let's see if America gets cleaner."
Subject: Toronto Catholics
Say... couldn't the Catholic church invest
in a little plastic wrap
and then remove it between each kiss?
Oh, that's right... they don't believe
in prophylactics for protection.
Abstinence all the way!
Wildcat
Got a website that needs more hits?
Got a message others need to hear?
$80 for two ads, $300 for ten.
Cheaper than dirt.
Best deal on the Internet.
Yesterday we talked about
George Carlin and "feeling?"
Click Here
Thanks to dators
Subject: Mark Crispin Miller's
show is great!
Dear Bart,
Thanks to your earlier mention of Mark Crispin
Miller's show at the Cherry Lane Theatre,
a group of us from Connecticut went. It
was so good, we went again with another group of friends.
His imitation of Bush making stupid statements
is so real, and so dumb, it's a total howl.
There was lots of audience participation
too. It's like stand-up and serious analysis at the same time.
If you get the chance, go. You'll have a
great time.
Thank you Bartcop!
Betsy
Attention
NYC area Democrats
Subject: MCM performs on
4/19 and 4/26
Mark Crispin Miller author of "The Bush Dyslexicon"
Click to order
A show the White House doesn't want you to see!
Cherry Lane Theater Saturday Night
38 Commerce Street April
19th & 26th
NYC
10pm
For Reservations, Call: 212-691-4815 or 212-998-5188
$20. / $10. Students & Educators
* Now you can reserve online @ markcrispinmiller.org
Subject: Bart, Please Post
This
Bart, can you post this note to a daily
reader of yours? She wants a
sticker but I don't know where to send
it to.
Thanks, Mark H
"Deb, Please contact me again so I can send you
one of my extra bartcop stickers.
Mark from Biomes"
I, too, have some stickers.
Please visit our sponsors
Ice
Cream Even Faux News Could Love
Click
Here
Excerpt:
Three ditto-monkeys loved Ben & Jerry's
but hated that part of its profits
go to what they called "wacko left-wing
causes." So last month, they started
Ditto-Monkey Ice Cream, billed as "a conservative
alternative to Ben & Jerry's"
For $76 you get the standard four-pack:
Iraqi Road, I Hate the French Vanilla,
Smaller Governmint and Nutty Environmentalist.
Seventy six dollars for a 4-pack of ice cream? Koresh!
For that kind of money, you should get 15 minutes with Bobble-head
Ann Coulter, too
Ann, that skirt's a little long for you, isn't it?
The
first report from Tally - the Weather Vixen
Click Here
Supporting
the troops: a crisis of perspective
Click
Here
Excerpt:
Among the most disorienting and unexamined
features of what passes for a “debate” over the war
in Iraq is a cultural phenomenon that must
be grasped and confronted: the call for all Americans,
regardless of their politics, to “support
the troops” once war has started and a military occupation
is under way, ostensibly on their behalf.
To a significant degree, there appears to
be a deliberate, though not necessarily coordinated, effort to
isolate these largely working class soldiers
from criticism about the war and the Bush administration,
effectively ensuring that the only public
sentiment they hear is pro-war in nature.
Why shouldn’t the soldiers be exposed to
these views? Many claim, after all, that they are “protecting
our freedoms” to say such things, so why
shouldn’t the troops be allowed to hear them? What’s the
real worry? That troops on the front lines
will have their feelings hurt by an antiwar speech? Or is it
the fear that a solider will listen to
one, have his eyes opened to the reactionary character of the
imperialist exercise he is participating
in, and become the next Ron Kovic?
Out
soon: life with the Bushes
Click
Here
Excerpt:
"The estranged wife of President George Bush's
brother, Neil, plans a tell-all book about life
within the first family. In the midst of
a divorce wrangle with her former husband of 22 years,
Sharon Bush travelled to New York to lunch
recently with America's queen of celebrity biography,
Kitty Kelley. At a Manhattan restaurant,
the pair brainstormed ideas and discussed Mrs Bush's
debut as author. Kelley, who scored hits
with unauthorised biographies of Nancy Reagan, Frank
Sinatra and the British royal family, is
already writing a book on the Bush clan scheduled for release
next year. Mrs Bush is believed to have
been stunned when her husband, 48, told her of his plans for
divorce last year. She hoped for reconciliation
but learned subsequently he planned to marry Mexican
Maria Andrews, whom he met years ago when
she worked as a volunteer for a Barbara Bush foundation."
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Quotes
"Most experts are not afraid we are going to
go to war with Syria.
It is less dangerous, it's less of
an enemy, it has less of an army, and it has LESS OIL".
-- Leno
Arizona
Battles Texas For the Ignorance Title
by Molly Ivins
Click
Here
Excerpt:
The author of these novel ideas concerning
homosexuality was state Rep. Barbara Blewster, R-Dewey,
who explained that throughout history,
cultures that have embraced homosexuality have also embraced bestiality,
human sacrifice and cannibalism. She pointed
to the Aztec culture at the time of the Spanish conquest as an example.
Blewster also said that history repeats
itself and that the Ten Commandments are still relevant.
Blewster said she does not know of any gay
people who practice bestiality, human sacrifice or cannibalism,
and she is not claiming that homosexuality
always leads to these things. However, she said, "That's a
progression of perversion, as I know it,"
and is akin to marijuana leading to harder drugs.
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Subject: Susan McDougal
book signing
Dear Bart,
I'm dead tired (so tired that I'm going
to put off reading you until tomorrow morning
-- and I always read you first thing when
I get home from work).
Wednesday, here in Dallas, was the Susan
McDougal book signing at Borders that you alerted us to.
She is really a powerful speaker.
There were probably about two hundred people there.
(More came as they heard the applause and
heard her talking about jails. There was
probably about one hundred and twenty at
first.)
I teared up when she was talking about the
jail stories and putting a face on the statistics.
I felt SOOOO lame! But then I looked
around and saw that other people were tearing up as well.
She was amazing. And though I've seen
her on your site and on the book jacket, I have to say
the pictures do not do her justice.
She is a very beautiful woman in pictures but I guess they
miss her spark or her zest because she's
more amazing in up close.
She had us tearing up as I stated but she
also had us laughing. And she brought it to an activism
level in terms of what we could do to help
others which was really great and the mark of a real
speaker if you ask me.
Ken Starr, of all people, was at the same
Border's two weeks ago to speak.
But he only spoke to an "invited audience"
-- it was closed to the general public.
McDougal found that amusing as did we.
She spoke about Helen Thomas and how she
motivated her to write this book. And she spoke
about how there's a producer interested
in turning the book into a TV movie and how she's
considering it because it could allow her
to publicize the state of our correctional system even more.
She was so funny. She laughed about
how the last time she was in Dallas, she was in jail.
She got a call from Clinton two weeks ago.
She said he called out of the blue and this was the
first time she'd heard from either him
or Hillary. He told her he'd read her book and he was sorry
because he had no idea what was going on
there. He read her book in one sitting and said it gave
him nightmares. He told her how horrible
it was for and how he wished he had known and could
have done something. She told him
that some of the women in the book are still in the correctional
system and he could speak out on the conditions
of our correctional system.
She was really surprised he had called.
That came up during the questions segment.
Other questions were about Scaife and things
like that. The audience was her's. We loved her.
So I stayed to get my book signed (plus
the one I bought at Border's because I didn't want to
just show up with a book that had already
sold). In line, I told the woman with the publishing
company that I'd heard of the book signinge
from bartcop. She didn't know what that was.
(I did explain it was your web site and
that you promoted all of her appearences on it.)
However, when I got up to the table and
told Susan McDougal that "Bart says hey" she lit up.
She said to tell you, "Thank you."
Nearly everyone wanted there book signed
(you wouldn't believe the line -- the event started
at seven and I live ten minutes from Borders
and only got home a little after ten -- and there
were still people in line behind me!) so
I just told her that I really enjoyed the book and that
she hooked me from the start with her childhood
and her thirst for knowledge; that she was
very brave; and that I was really proud
of her.
I'm going to eat and then go on to sleep
but I promised her I would write you tonight to let you
know she says hello back, thank you and
that she'll be writing next week when she gets home.
-- Jake W
Jake, that was an excellent report - thanks!
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© 2003, bartcop.com
Shirley in the Devil's red
Maybe someone could get word to Shirley to call the BartPhone
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That would be cool.
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